“Growing apart doesn't change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side; our roots will always be tangled. I'm glad for that.” I came across the above quote while reading online, and I figured I'd write about it today because it set off a lot of thoughts in my mind. First, I'd like to go over my interpretation of the quote. I read it as a metaphor for friendship, and how it can change over time... how you may drift from someone, but it doesn't change the past or the memories you've already made with them. In a way, the quote is trying to say that this ties you to that person forever... but I disagree.
Maybe I'm just disagreeing because the prospect of being tied to someone forever is terrifying... albeit through memories. But while that is the case, there are a few other things I'd like to bring up. Having memories with someone doesn't tie you to them forever. It just means that they were a part of your life at some point, and while yes; you can't change that- it doesn't mean that you have to be tied to them forever. I certainly know that I have memories with people who I'd never wish to be tied to ever again. Unlike the quote, I can safely say that the people who have drifted from me have drifted for a reason- and I'm glad that I'm NOT tied to them anymore. If people are in my past, they are there for a reason. Had I wanted any ties to them, I either wouldn't have cut communications or I would've made an effort to keep them in my life. If you are no longer in my life, it is because I do not want you here. In the end, I think this quote was entirely wrong- both in saying that you're glad to have ties with people who are no longer in your life, and in saying that memories tie you together forever. The only thing that can tie two people together is the desire to have a bond- nothing else. Friendship is a two way street, my friends- make sure you keep your end of the street clean.
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This weekend, I hiked Mt. Monadnock with 2 of my close friends. It took us 6 hours, but we made it up the mountain and regardless of the time it took; it was an awesome trip. I have a good handful of photos, so this post is going to be made up of those alone. My written post will be the next one I write. Anyway, I hope you like the photos. I'll try to put captions on them.
And finally... our before and after photos. Man, that hike took everything out of us! However, I'm extremely proud of all three of us for making it up there alone and getting back down without absolutely dying. Trust me though- we all were feeling it the next day. Anyway, I'll end this post here. My written one will be out tomorrow.
- Maddie Before I launch into my opinion of this phrase... I'd like to clear up a lot of the misunderstandings that surround it. The first time I heard this phrase, I believe I was 8 or 9 and my dad was explaining to me that my family would always be there for me and love me, etc. etc.... and how friends can't always be as trusted. It's an unpopular opinion for the generations that came before me, but I don't stand by the belief that family bonds have to be stronger than friendship. That aside... this is where the misunderstanding of the phrase comes in.
Many people take it as an indicator that family bonds are stronger than mere friendship because of blood ties; but the quote that this saying is derived from is actually "the blood of the covenant is stronger than the water of the womb". It actually means that blood shed in battle would bond soldiers closer than simple genetics... and thus; the quote actually means opposite of what most people will take it as. I'll continue my unpopular opinion. I don't believe that family ties are stronger than friendships at all, in most cases. I am pretty sure I've said this before in previous posts; but if I haven't then I'll re-iterate here. I treat everyone with an equal amount of respect that they deserve until they give me a reason to show them more... or to show them less. Treat others as you wish to be treated; but don't forget to also treat others as they have treated you. Since I live by peace over power, I do try to contain myself a bit from "treating others as they treat me". The psychological damage that some have inflicted onto me is far more than I think I could ever do to anyone regardless of what they had done to me... simply because that's not how I am. I'm a lover, not a fighter... despite popular opinion. To get back to the quote, I have family who I haven't spoken to in years. I have family who make no effort to stay in touch with me... or anyone else. I have family who I've never met and I have family who haven't said more than a few words to me out of obligation. I have family who would sooner argue and gossip about me than have my back if I were to fall. On the other side of the coin; I also have family who I have good relationships with! In fact, the portion of you I'm close with are probably reading this blog post; you know who you are... so I thank you for maintaining a relationship with me and for being there for me. Thank you for the love and support with all that has happened over the years. On the friends side of things, I have many friends who I would consider far closer to me than 95% of my family. I have friends who know me inside out and who I would trust with my life; and I cannot say the same for everyone I'm related to. I don't know. Just because we have blood ties doesn't make you any more or less of a person to me. Your character should speak for itself. Regardless of anything else. "I don't care about whose DNA has re-combined with whose. When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching- they are your family." - Maddie "Don't fear the enemy that attacks you, but the fake friend that hugs you." I could not find who said this little gem, but it is kind of true. I have had more grief thrown my way from a fake friend than I have ever had from an enemy.
In my entire life, I think I have had only one or two fake friends. Oddly enough, one was enough to break up friendships with true friends due to the lies he told. One guy I ran into was being very distant when I ran into him, and when I asked why, he said that the other had said I had been saying bad things about him (I won't go into detail here). So I asked him did he believe that? He said that he did. I said, "well I didn't say that, and I am not going to try and dissuade you since you seem to believe it, but you do realize that I haven't talked to that guy in over a decade?" He got a look of surprise on his face and said really? I said yeah and told him why I never hung out with the other guy anymore. The funny thing was that the guy had told him I said that only a couple of years ago, and only said that he did not hang out with me any more. He didn't say it had been over ten years since he last saw me, and he didn't tell him the real reason on why we no longer hung out. I said, well now you know and walked away. That old memory came to me when I saw that quote. You see, it didn't really matter to me that the guy really didn't want to hang out. I didn't either! I just saw him and said hello. I live in New Hampshire now, and the fact of the matter is I rarely go back to New Jersey. What did bother me was that this other guy, after about a decade, still went out of his way to tell lies about me. I have not thought of that guy in years at that point, even though we had been good friends. And yet, there he was spreading ill will all those years later. My advice: Treat everyone as you would want to be treated. If they don't treat you that way in return, then avoid them. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up with a fake friend. And with a fake friend, you are never sure when they are going to plot against you. The safest thing you can do is keep your private thoughts about others private and not share them with your other friends, unless they are positive comments. By doing this, then people will only have heard you saying positive things about others and they will be less likely to believe something concocted by a fake friend. This post is going to be short; as it's covering one of the Aesop quotes my dad posted earlier in the week. I stick by this quote- as it has proven itself true countless times in my life. I'm sure most people have heard the quote "fake friends are like shadows- following you in the sun and abandoning you in the dark". It's quite true, and this quote just ties on to it. Hard times in your own life will not only show you who your fake friends are; but they will show you some (sometimes unexpected) true friends, as well.
Speaking from personal experience, I have gone through a few rough patches in my life- some involving personal family matters, and some involving friends and drama. In these times, I have seen people who I thought would be there for me completely shy away from me, and lose contact with me completely... and I've also seen a few people I would never have expected to step forward come out and offer me support. Life works in a funny way when it comes to situations like that. I've come to find that in the end, those who abandoned me never deserved my friendship to begin with. When they removed themselves from my life, they only did me a favor... and allowed me to make further room in my life for those who actually care about me. It's always quite noticeable when a negative leaves your life; and it is often times followed by an increase in positivity... sometimes coming in the form of a new-found friend. - Maddie I chose this quote from my dad's previous post about Aesop's Fables. I was reading through them, and while I loved a lot of them... I just wasn't inspired to write about them. Truth be told, it's taken me some time to get inspired to write this, too, but I chose this quote because of how literally I took it. I took the term 'little' as height, and you know what? That may not be what the quote is implying, but that's how my mind took it so I'm going to roll with it.
Plain and simple, I completely agree with this quote. Little people DO make great friends. In fact, some of the nicest people I've met are short. One of my best friends is only 5"2, and another is only 4"11. Both I could trust with my life and they've supported me and helped me through a lot. I'm not going to carry on about how small people are the best things out, however. I don't speak for all people when I say that we tend to be very nice and understanding. Some people are just plain mean, regardless of size. However, I'd like to state that no one should be judged off of their size. Never judge someone for their appearance; at least not to the degree where it'll determine your opinion of them. Personality should decide what you think of someone, not how they look. I've had friends be turned down in the realm of dating because of their height/weight, and honestly it's depressing. I hate that appearance matters so much to some people, to the point where they let it decide who's good enough for them or not. At this rate, you may be thinking that these people don't have dates because of their personality, or because of how they treated the other person- and I can tell you, that's not the case. The person they tried to ask out came right out and told them they wouldn't date them for no other reason than their height/weight. That's disgusting. I don't think you can get any more shallow. I used to have a friend who wouldn't date a guy unless they met her physical standards- how you judge others says a lot about your personality, let me tell you. She and I are no longer friends; for reasons closely related to her being shallow and conceited. It all ties together. That's enough rambling for today, I think... I don't know, I just wanted to let that out. - maddie Dear ______,
While our friendship hasn't existed for that long, I feel like I've known you my whole life. You understand me in ways that literally no one else does and I'm so thankful for that. We can honestly discuss everything- from future jobs, dreams, and even politics and social issues. There aren't many people who I can talk openly with about that- and I'm glad you're one of them. We share most opinions and I'm pretty sure we've both added on to the opinions of the other as well. If by chance we don't share opinions (which is rare)... we don't yell at each other and we simply move on from it. You're one of the only people I can go to with my drama and issues and rant with for hours on end. I live for our "tea parties" and endless roasting of people. It's pretty cool that we dislike the same people- and that you know people who I don't. It's always good to have a heads up. All things aside, I find it amusing that we've only met a few times after 2 years of friendship. I guess it just goes to show that friendships can survive metaphorical distance and lack of seeing each other. However, the few times we have managed to hang out have been amazing and I'm happy to say that we click just as well in person as we do online. At this rate, there's nothing more to say. I'm so happy that I can call you my best friend and I would legitimately trust you with my life. Thank you for all the support and for making me laugh when I thought I was going to cry. - Maddie Honestly, there are probably millions of articles spread across the internet by now about best friends, their importance, and how "mine is better than yours". Let's just count this as my addition to that over-pile of posts, because honestly, my appreciation must be spilled forward. Now, I have 2 people who need to be appreciated- so I'm making this a two-part post. The second half will be readable tomorrow. Lets go.
Dear _____, You've known me for an incredibly long time now, more than half my life, actually... and that says a lot. You've been with me through my lowest lows and celebrated with me at my highest highs. You've supported me in shadow and walked proudly with me through the light and I can't thank you enough for your acceptance and loyalty over the course of these 8 years. You're always there to listen to me, no matter what the time, or the situation. I live for our late-night deep talks about life and our issues, and even more so for our crazy mid-day rants about things that others would find pointless. Your sense of humor is one-of-a-kind and unmatched, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. We may not constantly spend time together; but our hangouts are quite cherished when we do. You don't just KNOW all of my best stories, but you've lived them with me. Our wanderlust is great and honestly produces some of the best memories I have, and I'm so glad I can experience and share them with such an awesome person. You can make any time happier just by being there and your unique personality adds a lot of color to my somewhat boring way of life. At the end of the day... I'm glad that I can let my hair down and be my entire self around you. It's something I can't do with everyone, trust me. No amount of words could ever provide the amount of gratitude you deserve for all you do for me- but please just remember, I'm always here if you need me. No matter how insignificant something may seem, if it's bothering you, let me know. You can always rant to me. Thank you for everything. - Maddie "Show me your friends and I will show you who you are.” This seems to be a bastardization of the proverb "Show me your friends and I will show you your future." Either way, the quote hits home.
Friends really do tell a lot about a person. When I was younger, I hung around with a tight-knit group of five guys. We all liked to drink and party. While we all seemed to like each other's company, there always seemed to be some dissension among the group. I have told the story of the troublemaker a couple of times now on this blog, and that is not what this post is about. What it is about is that at that time in my life, I was hanging out with a number of guys who liked to drink heavily, and at that time in my life I was an alcoholic. In fact, I think three of us could have been defined as alcoholics at that time, and the other two were trying hard to catch up. As the quote says, show me your friends... Later on in life, I was hanging out with another group of friends. These guys also drank heavily, and I might describe them as functional alcoholics. They were functional in that they were all holding down high-paying jobs, yet partying hard at the bars two to three nights a week anyway. At this point, I too, was a functional alcoholic. I was making a lot of cash, but I was drinking like a fish... just like them. The funny thing is, as time went on, nearly all of us (from both groups) stopped our heavy drinking. None of us hang out together on a daily basis anymore either. We are spread out from Buffalo, to New Hampshire, Connecticut and New York, all the way down to North Carolina and Florida. Many of us still talk every once in a while. Hell, some of us even get together every once in a while to go fishing together and catch up with what is going on in each other's lives. Even so, while we are friends, we don't hang out with each other on a daily basis anymore. The people I hang out with now on a weekly basis are much different than the people I grew up with. Most of them are black belts, or are working their way towards a black belt. Many of them, similar to me, do not drink at all. None of us went to the same schools growing up. None of us work the same type of job, and yet our belts and the training we undergo together or the training some of our family members may be undergoing with us tie us together. No one is getting high. No one is behaving badly because we have had too much to drink. After 22 years of heavy drinking, I have spent the last seventeen years without a drink. My wife had a lot to do with that. My wife was an alcoholic, and I gave up drinking to help her to get sober. She asked me to help her, oh so many years ago. She could never give it up, though, and she drank herself to death three years and one week ago. Sharon was my best friend... yet I could not help her. Although we divorced, I continued to try and help her until the day she died. So who am I? I am still friends with my heavy-drinking friends from my past who have (for the most part) stopped partying and drinking. We don't hang out regularly anymore, but I know which of them I can trust when the chips are down. At the same time, I spent most of my days from 1999 through 2010 with my wife on a daily basis. She continued to sneak alcohol on a steady basis for the eleven years we lived together. At the same time, I never touched a drop. Now, I socialize with a number of people who don't really party or get blasted. So who am I? To me, In front of all else, I am a father. At the same time, I am an alcoholic who has gotten sober. I hope to remain sober for the rest of my life. I am a black belt... and I am really proud of that. I believe in peace over power, and I try to live my faith. On a daily basis, I hang out with my daughters and my Mom. I speak with my sister nearly every day. I am now, for the most part, a recluse. I go out twice weekly to train at the dojo, and I try to go hiking or do something interesting with my girls as much as possible. Other than that, I have no clue who I am any more. In the past, I identified myself as a basketball player, a football player, a student, a partyer, an analyst, a husband and a father. I will always remain a father... and right now, I am a stock analyst. The sad part is that I no longer identify myself with my profession. A lot of the passion for that business has left me now. So who am I? I know who I think I am. I just have no clue who others think I am. And if they told me, I don't even know if I would be able to recognize myself in their words. Below is one more quote from the book of Proverbs. "Homes are built on the foundation of wisdom and understanding. Where there is knowledge, the rooms are furnished with valuable, beautiful things." In the end, maybe I am a builder. And I hope I am setting a strong foundation for my daughters. This is so true... I love this quote a lot, particularly since it has some recent relevance in my life. In the past, I'll admit that I was guilty of building a LOT more walls than bridges. It got to the point that I'd be arguing with everyone and not only putting up walls, but torching down the bridges I had already established on top of that. I think that's where this quote goes wrong- it wastes time saying people should build bridges and not walls, but says nothing about leaving the bridges you've already made intact.
I'm sure I could list many things that my dad has taught me- but one of the most valuable, particularly recently, has been to simply not burn bridges. Stop talking to someone, yes- but try to leave things on at least neutral terms. In deeper reflection... maybe this quote isn't as true as I thought. Sometimes, walls are required. You need to distance yourself from certain people, but without burning the bridges you've already made. Burning bridges for no reason is just awful; as I've learned from experience... it's bad enough you're cutting the person off, there's no need to put salt in the wound. On the other hand, I do think that it's a waste to block everyone out and then refuse to move on and continue building bridges with others. THAT is how people become lonely; when they let their connections to others weigh them down and refuse to move on. Never let that happen... let go of the negative people in your life, but build bridges to positivity. Don't isolate yourself. -- Maddie Can we take a moment to discuss the difference between these two commonly confused words, please?
con·fi·denceˈkänfədəns/ noun
con·ceit kənˈsēt/ noun
Okay. Now that that has been established; I think you can see the difference. Conceit takes confidence to a whole new level. Conceit; in my opinion at least; is when you don’t know when to stop talking about yourself to others. You may be confident or you may be insecure, but whatever the case may be- you never shut up. You don’t shut up about how talented you are (even though you may not be), you don’t shut up about how attractive you are, you don’t shut up about how everyone loves you, and you don’t shut up about how fucking wonderful you are. And quite frankly, it’s annoying! I am an advocate of the whole “self love” and learning to love yourself movement- but this is ridiculous! In my opinion; confidence is something you have that you don’t share with others. You keep it to yourself; and in doing so your confidence is radiant and others can tell you’re confident just from how you act. Because YOU know it. You don’t have to constantly walk around telling everyone or reminding everyone of your brilliance; they just get that from you because you naturally are. I personally believe that it’s great to have confidence. I think it’s wonderful when people appreciate themselves; and take pride in what they do and how they do it. That’s great! What isn’t great is being so insecure or so full of yourself that you feel the need to rub it in everyone’s face and even tear others down to build yourself up. That’s just awful. “Confidence isn’t walking into a room and comparing yourself to others. Confidence is walking into a room and not having to compare at all.” - Maddie About ten days ago my daughter Madison wrote a post about the Pink Floyd song "Wish You Were Here" where she mentioned that she did not know what I thought it meant, but that for her the song was about living in shades of gray. For me the song always had three meanings. The first is the meaning that David Gilmour and Roger Waters gave it. They have both said publicly that they wrote the song as a tribute to Syd Barrett, a member of their band that did too much acid, and eventually had a mental breakdown and became a schizophrenic. The song, they say, was written for him. The other two meanings are just what I always got from the song. Overall, I think the song is about the certainty of youth, and that how over time a lot of what you were once certain about turns out to be totally false, or at least not how you pictured it. In fact, I have always felt that the song was about disillusionment with the Vietnam War. Admittedly, the first reason I will dive into was my first thoughts on the song, while my second meaning developed over time as I got older.I have pasted the lyrics below. Read them, think about them a bit and then read through my explanation. "Wish You Were Here" So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, blue skies from pain. Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell? Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze? Cold comfort for change? Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, Running over the same old ground. What have we found? The same old fears. Wish you were here. Okay, so in just looking at the first two stanzas I see a number of hints that the questions that start the song could be from either a friend or a lover to a man who is just about to sign up to go fight in the Vietnam War. Many signed up because they thought they were saving the world from communism. The friend asks: Do you think you can tell heaven from hell? Is what we have here truly better than what they have over there, when you have never been over there? Can you confidently say things are worse over there, or just different? How much can you really tell from what you have seen of the world? The second stanza asks questions of the soldier while he is in Vietnam. He has already seen action. He has seen friends and people he respects die (trade heroes for ghosts). He has watched Napalm turn green jungle into a burning hell and has felt the hot air from the explosions (Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze?) He realizes that he left his home for an ideal that doesn't exist and therefore refuses to fight any more and gets put in prison (Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?) The third stanza is his friend or lover lamenting the foolishness of it all and missing the friend who is in jail. To me, "Shine On You Crazy Diamond", is the tribute song to Barrett and "Wish You Were Here" is a tribute song to those disillusioned with their part in the failed Vietnam War. Remember, the album came out in 1975, after the U.S. ended their foray into Vietnam. U.S. goals were not achieved in Vietnam and many people were disillusioned afterward, and indeed during the conflict. Am I right? Who knows, but it was always what I thought the song was about. On a more personal level, things I was certain about in my youth, I am now certain I was wrong about. The meaning of life, what happiness is and isn't, and how I was going to live my life. What I thought I knew, what I think I know now and what I will think in the future is all so uncertain. Finally thinking back on my group of friends that I had growing up...we all thought we would be a close-knit group forever. It's funny how we are now spread out all over the map leading our own lives separately. I know people I consider good friends that I haven't spoken to in over a decade! Occasionally, I will see a post from one or the other of them on Facebook, but for the most part, we have very little contact. There is nothing wrong with that. We all went our separate ways. It reminds me of lines from the song Time from the Dark Side Of The Moon album: Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain. You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today. And then one day you find ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun. So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking Racing around to come up behind you again. The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older, Shorter of breath and one day closer to death. No one told us when to run... we just did. We ran all over the United States. Only one or two stayed in New Jersey. The rest of us flew to points north, south east and west. Funny, after all these years, with little contact, I still consider most of those people friends. And, on some nights, when I am thinking about my younger days, I really still do wish they were here.
Today I am going to write about my Karate class. Later I'm going to my class. I have
seven friends there. We practice together. We have a lot of fun! Ashleigh Today I want to talk about friends. Some I meet at church every Sunday. Others I meet
twice a week at Karate. We talk, and laugh. It is fun to be with my friends. Ashleigh I have two large pet peeves- and those are people who whine constantly; and people who are hypocrites. Make sure you know the meaning of both before reading this post.
Recently, I've seen a situation with my friends that has been annoying me to the max and has just reached a complete breaking point. My friend loves to say that no one loves them, and nothing is farther from the truth. No one has a lack of love; there is always someone who loves you and thinks you're amazing and I don't think enough people in general realize that... not just my friend. There is ALWAYS someone who loves you. It may be a relative, or a friend, or maybe someone you aren't aware of. Hell, it may even be an animal! But there is always someone, no matter what you believe. There is always someone with enough room in their heart for you. And you should never feel like no one loves you. Now, on the other end of the spectrum. I have heard my friends complain that nobody loves them, and then complain that too many people love them! They actually complain that the wrong people love them and I HATE IT. Like no! Be happy that people DO love you! Accept the love. You don't have to accept it 100%; but don't complain about someone else's feelings for you. It's ridiculous. - Maddie "Luck is when preparation and opportunity meet." That's a quote from Pierre Trudeau. He was a long-time Prime Minister of Canada. If you don't know him, his personal motto was "Reason before passion". It is the rare individual who will admit that reason and logic should rule the roost.
Getting back to his quote, I think he is right for the most part. Sure, you will have the odd time when someone will win a lottery or a raffle that will make them a millionaire. And given the odds of winning those things, you would think that luck is something else entirely. But for the most part, the luckiest people you know are those who are in some way prepared to take advantage of opportunities that they are actively looking for. Here's a good example, In 2014, I was in a tough situation. My business was stalled and I was beginning to look for a job, or a new line of business. The problem was that I needed to work from home since my wife had died a year earlier and I had two young girls that I was raising on my own. I was also home schooling my daughters. With that in mind, I had a group of my closest friends come over to the house to go fishing. Although we are all busy and have families, we try to get together every once in a while to fish. Although I invited all of them over to fish, we had a lot of time to talk as well. While talking, I found out that a company I used to work for was looking for analysts to work from home. I immediately told my friend I would send him a resume to put in for me. To make a long story short, I was back working at my old firm within two weeks, from home in New Hampshire. Was it luck? Yes, to some extent it was. I was prepared to find a new job and I recognized the opportunity that was presented to me. I acted immediately once I heard about the opportunity. I still knew about twenty people at my old firm and they all vouched for my work ethic. In this instance, my "luck" was the point where preparation and opportunity met. I have another friend now who is looking for a similar opportunity. I spoke with him just before Christmas. I told him about where I was working and what I was doing and he seemed interested. An analyst had just been fired at my firm and there was an opening. Instead of putting in a resume right away to see if he could get the position, he decided to wait. He wanted to see if he could lose some weight first. "Maybe in the spring" he said. I have no doubt that if my friend puts in a resume, he will have a good chance of getting a position.. if a spot is available. That is the risk. When I told him about it, there was a spot available. When he is ready to put a resume in, there may not be. In other words, my friend saw an opportunity, but was not prepared to act on it. Very few people knew that we had lost an analyst that week. Because he used to work at the company, and still knew people there, he likely would have been a shoe in for a position. If he does put in a resume in the future, he will still have those connections, but what he might not have is an open position to fill. Preparation and opportunity. They are crucial for creating your own luck. I have something new. It is a green ball. It has spikes. My friend gave it to me. She
got it at the pizza place. I like my ball very much. Ashleigh
"Certain people will always be bored." That's a quote by Albert Einstein. And he is right. Some people, no matter what you are doing will always be bored. It doesn't matter whether you are climbing Mt. Everest Or watching a no-hitter in a World Series game live behind home plate. They will just look at their watch as if they are checking whether they can go home yet..
I find it hard to be friends with these people. I really have to work hard to be bored when I am around other people. First, I believe it is impolite to make people feel as if they are not worth your time. Everyone has something that is interesting about them. Thus, when I am with others I try to find out what that something is. Secondly, I like people to have a good time when I am around them. Whether they are working or are just enjoying some time with me, I like to try and make them laugh. That alone will usually keep me from getting bored. I think the problem with some people is that they really don't know what makes them happy. Sometimes, what they think makes them happy, actually makes them unhappy...but they don't realize it and instead blame everything else for their troubles. A couple of good examples of this are drinking and friendships. I will give you two examples. I have a friend from when I was younger who I have not seen in a long time. He has a drinking problem. He has been to AA yet he has given it up and went back to drinking. About three times a week he posts a picture of himself in one bar or another, always with a martini or a pint of beer in his hand looking depressed and/or shitfaced. The caption is usually something like "At Slaughtered Lamb trying to forget." or "Slumming it again on Fulton Street, but hey as long as they pay me I show up." Clearly this man is unhappy. Yet he doesn't equate his unhappiness with the way he is spending his off hours. Like a fool, I have twice sent him information on rehabs he could go to to get sober (In the past he has spoken to me about getting sober), yet each time I did, he got back to me and said he was just a drunk and that's it. Sad, really, but what are you going to do. You can't make them quit. They need to do it on their own. A second example has to do with a friend I had when I was younger. A number of us all used to hang out together. One thing I noticed though, was that the group was rarely all happy with one another. Over time, I noticed that the troubles usually revolved around one person. All people were involved with the strife at one time or another... but there was always one person who was stirring the pot and trying to set the others against each other. After realizing this, I tried to distance myself from this "friend", although since he still hung around with the group it didn't really work. Finally, once this guy was caught doing something the crowd disapproved of and was dropped as a friend by most in the group, did everyone stop going for each other's throats. It's sad really. This guy was once a good friend to everyone in the group, but it just got to the point that no one could actually be happy around him since he was causing so much dissension between the group. Sometimes, you just have to let go to keep your own happiness intact. It is good to be there for your friends when they have a problem. But if those problems are a constant, and they begin to become your problems or effect your mood. Then you need to know when to let them go. Friends should be there to support each other. But if it gets to a point where that person can't or won't take advice that will make the situation better, then it is time to step back and distance yourself from the situation until their situation changes and no longer impacts your own happiness or moods. Drinking and friendships are two things that can keep you from being happy. They can also MAKE you reach a point where you are the one that always seems bored, and can't spend a moment with your friends or family without seeming bored with their presence. Remember, if someone has taken the time to be with you...and you accepted that time, then try not to seem bored that you are around them. Give them the attention you would want in the same situation. That is the best way to never seem like one of those people who are either always bored or are instead boring to be around for others. I am currently sitting in a Texas Roadhouse steakhouse, and I'm bored... So I figured, why not write a blog post! We have a 25 minute wait before we get seats, since apparently everyone went out to Christmas shop and get a nice dinner after today.
We spent most of the day at the Mall at Whitney Field, doing out Christmas shopping. I've been quite reclusive about gifts this year, and my dad needed ideas for me. So; I dragged him through Sears, Burlington Coat Factory, Spencer's and Hot Topic. I ended up running into two of my friends unexpectedly, and I walked around with my best friend for a majority of the day. We had a good time trying on clothes together and giving each other style advice. At the end of the day, she found me an awesome pair of shoes and I found her a dress that looked stunning on her. Now... I don't know what to write. I had a great day out with my family, though. It's rare we get to go out and spend quality time together; and today was a day we could. It was fun and hopefully the soon-coming meal will finish it nicely. Peace out. - Maddie This post began as a poem, the one I have below. I wrote it due to an issue I had with one of my friends- many hurtful accusations got tossed around in our argument, and it hurt. I don't want this post to be bitchy, hurtful, or more insults to that person. In my opinion, our fight was pointless and could have been avoided easily. The reason why this post is entitled "fake friends" is because that is sort of what this person is.
As stated below- they aren't ever there for me; even though I find myself dropping everything to help them. They make no efforts to make plans. They don't respond to calls or texts. They choose to hit you when you're down. And it sucks. Unfortunately, I'm the person who gives too many second chances and so when I meet a friend like this, I tend to let them bring me down and I don't realize how bad things are until they reach a critical point. At that critical point; should it ever be reached... you have to make a choice. You can either continue the toxic friendship; and probably wind up getting hurt more and used more... or you can discard it and get on with your life. That is the choice I need to make now... wish me luck in making the correct one. The moral of this strange post; I believe... is to be a good friend. Not to discard friendships, and not to argue, but to be a good and helpful friend... as long as the other person does the same. Friendship is a two-way street. ~Maddie When you're always there for them, but they aren't for you When you want to chill, but they have better things to do You want to tell them every single thing, But they pick up for everyone but you when their cellphone rings When you pick them right up should they ever fall down, But they trod all over you when you're lying on the ground When you would rather die than watch them cry, But when you get down they never try They don't understand, they don't lend a hand They just fade away, like footprints in sand They take you and use you, They hurt and abuse you And yet you still stay In the hopes that one day... maybe, they'll change. |
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