A couple weeks ago we got a basket of fruit. We still have a lot in a bag. Today we got some more. We also got some other kinds of fruit. We are almost done with that.
I like a lot of fruit. I mostly like apples because an apple a day keeps the doctor away. That is what we say. I do not like black berries. I like a lot of fruits. Ashleigh
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Today I went to the hospital for my annual check up. I have grown over the past year. I am now forty eight inches tall. Dr. De Vera told me to eat a healthy diet of vegetables, fruit, and meat. She also told me to drink my milk and lots, and lots of water. She was very happy with my progress, and I am not due for any shots until I turn eleven!
Ashleigh "Good habits formed at youth make all the difference." That's a quote by Aristotle. If you do not know who he is, then you should stop reading this blog right now and go look him up. I think you will find his thoughts and writing well worth reading!
To get back to his quote, I must say I agree with it 100%. I honestly try to encourage good habits in my daughters now, while they are young, so that they will have a basis for living a good, productive, healthy interesting life. Would you like a couple of examples? Well, for starters, take this blog. Each day, my daughters are supposed to write a post about any topic they like. I want my daughters to be able to write well, and to be able to express themselves on any topic that they would like. Wishing this for my daughters is not enough. They need to practice this skill while they are young, so that it can come naturally for them later on. Let's face it, nearly every high-paying job out there has some writing involved with it. Lawyers, doctors, engineers, analysts, TV personalities or politicians all need to have the ability to write AND be understood. Entrepreneurs also need to be able to write. Whether it is for marketing, new proposals, or even just for thank you letters to an important client. Having a child write a little something every day just makes a lot of sense! Practicing karate is another thing that I have tried to make a habit for my girls. Training in the martial arts helps kids in so many ways. To start, the training helps them to develop physically, mentally and socially. The workouts are designed to help them to develop strength and stamina. Moreover, large motor skills, such as kicking and punching aid in the development of coordination and balance. Our school has five rules that both the adults and the children are expected to follow. In a nutshell, these are: Effort, Etiquette, Sincerity, Character, and Self Control. I am not going to go into detail about them here. (If anyone is interested, I wrote an article on the Bushido Code. You can read it here, although I used it for a marketing piece for my business at that time.) Suffice it to say that these rules help to develop self-discipline and confidence. I have also found that my daughters' attention spans have increased and their listening skills have improved. Both of my daughters started training at the age of three. Madison, my oldest daughter, is now a second-degree black belt. Training has become a way of life for her. It is a part of her. Ashleigh, is now a purple belt. She is participating in her first full tournament season this year. So far, she has won two trophies. She is optimistic that she will win more trophies this weekend. She has been practicing hard at the dojo and at home. Regardless how she does, I am proud of her. The girls also cultivate their own habits over time. I try to encourage there interest in the things they choose as well. If you have kids, cultivate good habits in them now. As a parent, it is our job to teach them. It is not the school's job... it is yours. Happiness is a habit. Teach your children to develop that habit. Healthy habits help to lead to a happy life. Help your children to develop habits that will serve them well for a lifetime. It's no fun to be sick. I am sick today. I have a light fever. My tummy hurts and I threw up! I hate being sick.
Ashleigh I have expressed my hatred for this subject before; but I feel the need to write about it again to stress its importance. So many people walk around feeling that they know everything there is to know about addiction. I've been told by people before "alcohol can't harm you unless you abuse it".... I disagree. An addiction is an addiction; whether you abuse it or not. As long as you're drinking regularly... you're addicted. It doesn't matter if you 'abuse' it or not. Abusing it just makes the case worse. IT. IS. STILL. ADDICTION.
I have also had friends say "you can't get addicted from one beer" and other dumb shit along those lines. Well guess what, genius? How do you think addictions start? Do you think you take one sip of beer and become a full-blown alcoholic? No. It takes time. The more you do it, the worse it gets. It doesn't start full-blown. Just like anything else, it has to grow... and to grow it has to be fed. This is the exact reason that I refuse to ever consume alcohol or drugs of any type. All it takes is one... and then I could potentially be ruining my life. Addiction runs in my family, particularly to drugs and alcohol. This means that I myself am susceptible to becoming easily addicted. I watched it ruin my mom's life and I've watched it ruin the lives of people in my family and I do not wish to follow in their footsteps... I know that it is possible to live a happy and healthy life WITHOUT alcohol or drugs being involved. I try to distance myself from those who include it in their lifestyle simply for my own health. I cannot stand to see people drink, even though I do unfortunately have to witness it from time to time and jokes about it making it seem like it's no big deal make me physically ill. Do not tell me addiction is nothing to worry about. Do not tell me to "just get over it". Do not tell me things could be worse. Do not tell me that it doesn't matter. Do not tell me that it is normal. And do NOT tell me that it is acceptable and a part of society today. That is bullshit. Addictions end lives. I know that too well. Don't be stupid. ~Maddie "It is hard to understand addiction, unless you have experienced it." That is a quote by Ken Hensley. He was the lead singer for Uriah Heep way back in the 70's. He was also a member of Blackfoot for a while, too. Anyway, someone I know sent around a black balloon on Facebook asking people to share it if they know someone who is suffering or had suffered with alcoholism or addiction. I shared the post since my wife died of her addiction. And the balloon has kept me thinking of Sharon since this morning.
Hensley's quote is correct, I think. Most people have no clue what they are talking about when they talk about addiction. People who don't know what happened with my wife have told me that "they can stop f they want to" or "they need to hit bottom first". If you ever hear either of those statements thrown out when talking to someone about addiction, then I can guarantee you that they do not know what they are talking about. I have had counselors tell me that Sharon needed to hit bottom before she could recover. Well, Sharon hit bottom after bottom, and never quit. I truly believe she wanted to quit...she suffered mightily not being able to be around her children. And yet, she never stopped drinking. She lost her house, her children, her husband. She went in and out of jail and rehab facilities, yet she drank until it killed her. Everyone is not the same. For some, a large loss of some type will start them on the road to recovery. For others, nothing will stop them if the issue that started the downward spiral to begin with isn't addressed. I hope that people fill Facebook with black balloons to bring awareness to alcoholism and addiction. So many families suffer from it. A couple of people have shared the balloon so far. I am honestly not expecting many to do so, however. So few people recognize their own addictions, or those of the ones they love unless it is a hard drug of some sort. No one thinks of their smoking friends as addicts...or their friends who like to get drunk on the weekends as alcoholics. If people miss those easy ones, then they certainly won't realize the people who are addicted to carbs or the people suffering from an eating disorder. For those of you who know me, if you see the balloon up on my wall, share it. I doubt it will help anyone...or really make a difference at all for any addicts. What it might do, though, is help to remind someone who has lost someone to addiction that the person they lost wasn't trying to hurt them. That addiction is a disease and that it needs to be treated as such. If you know someone who is suffering from an addiction, don't wait for them to hit bottom. The bottom they hit may be the bottom of a grave. There is no easy answer to addiction, but pretending that the person "did it to themselves" is NOT the answer. If you know someone who needs help, there are places that can be useful. Here is a List of Rehabs. Click on the link and it will show you rehabs in your area. The two that Sharon went to did not help her. Sharon had addictive personality disorder and her circumstances made it very hard to diagnose. We sent her to alcohol rehabs, when in actuality she likely needed a program that was designed for multiple addictions. Share the balloon, and share the above link. Who knows, maybe someone will be helped by it. "Be the change that you wish to see in the world." That was a quote by Mahatma Gandhi. It is so simple, that you almost want to dismiss it the moment you read it. And yet, Gandhi lived it! The change he was looking for didn't take a moment to occur, it took his whole lifetime and then some. While his quote is simple, it is also truthful. Change usually doesn't happen on its own. It needs some sort of catalyst. If you want change, then there needs to be a catalyst. A single raindrop cannot carve out a limestone cavern. Yet over thousands of years and billions of raindrops, huge caverns can be formed. Although I doubt Gandhi was talking about physical phenomena, the same types of processes are needed in human interactions. If you are not happy with the state of the world today, then you need to take steps to change it. And change occurs only one person at a time. Most people do not have the vision of Gandhi, nor the drive to try and accomplish a goal that will impact an entire country. And yet we all have visions on how the world should be and in particular, how we ourselves interact with the world. On an individual level, we can all make changes that will impact our lives. For example, if you want to weigh less, then eat less junk and exercise more. If you wish to write a book, then make sure to write a little bit each day. Don't ever expect something to happen without a catalyst. Here's another good example. Did you ever meet someone who says they want to meet new people, and yet never varies their schedule? That is me to a "T"! I work from home and only venture out to go to karate. How am I ever going to meet somebody new if I never vary my schedule? Thankfully, meeting somebody new doesn't rank very high on my things to do list. Most of what I want to do involves things around my house or on the internet. Anyway, those are just some examples of why you need catalysts to change anything in your life. What change do I want in my life? I'd like to crank out 2,500 push ups on my birthday in February, and I'd like to weigh in at 200 pounds even. At 200 I would be 25 pounds less than what I weighed in college. Meanwhile 2,500 push ups would equal 50 push ups for each year I have been alive. Hey, not everybody wants to change the world! To accomplish my goals, I need to lose weight and practice my push ups. While I have started on the diet end of things, I still rarely do more than 100 push ups a day. That will not get e to where I want to go in February! To achieve my goal, I will have to change my ways. So will I be the change I want to see in the world? No. But I will achieve a goal that I think is important. When I was younger, I never would have even imagined that I would be thinking of doing 2,500 push ups on my fiftieth birthday. Now, I am not only thinking about it, I am training for it. Be the change that you want to see. Sugar is not very good to eat, but Daddy lets me eat a bit. Too much sugar will give you
a big tummy and a sugar rush! Too much sugar upsets my tummy. I like my sugar in cookies or cakes. My favorite sugar is candy. Ashleigh The above quote was said by Lao Tzu. I love it. The main point of it is that your mindset truly determines who you are as a person, and what you think often can be shown in your actions. I think that it is quite true too... what you think, you do often tend to say without thinking about. And once you say something, yes, you have said it and people KNOW you have said it, or done it; depending. And once you start something... yes, there is the possibility for it to become a habit. And our habits do define us as people.
However. I'd like to take a moment and classify habits as something COMPLETELY different than addiction. Yes, an addiction is a habit, but it is separate from other habits. It's hard to explain but they are two different things completely. Habits aren't always in your mind, they can be physical and you may not even be aware of them. Addiction, on the other hand, attacks the mind and makes you aware. You may not be aware of your addiction, but it takes a different toll on your mind than a normal habit will. Also- if you're dealing with addiction instead of habit, then this quote is irrelevant. Addiction is a beast; it changes the person who has to deal with it. Too often, the kindest people are not separated from their addiction... and it warps people's views on them. One of my friends' boyfriends had a drug problem and everyone initially told her that he was horrible, bad news, etc. etc. She was actually able to help him over-come the addiction, which he had already started to beat on his own, and she was able to see him as a PERSON and not a walking addiction. The nicest people are often dragged down, left out and forgotten due to this mental state and I absolutely hate it. Not just because I watched my mom be labeled as her illness, but because I just think that it is wrong to judge someone without truly knowing them... at least not based on addiction. The kindest people you will ever meet can be struggling sometimes and I think more people need to realize this. Good night. Maddie Food is good! I like apples and peaches. Carrots are nice and lettuce too. I even like
cucumbers. Ham and salami are my favorite meats. For dessert I would like cake, brownies, cookies or ice cream. For a snack I like gold fish. Ashleigh Today as I scrolled through Facebook, I came across an interesting post that one of my aunts had shared. I found it to be very true and also good advice for many, and I'd like to share it here.
"A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz. She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything." Remember to put the glass down." I think this is great. It's an awesome metaphor... and it gives good advice that I think a lot of my friends should follow (hence why I tagged about 15 of them in the comments of the post). Too often, we stress out over the smallest things... and then let the small problems build up and lead into big problems. Big problems tend to cause even more stress, which can lead to longer lasting problems such as depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, migraines and even premature heart attacks. For example... my grandma lets herself get worked up over small and insignificant things. If I leave one piece of laundry on the floor of my room, she flips. If the house doesn't get vacuumed to her standards every week, she gets into a bad mood. These things are so small and so easily fixed, yet she lets them determine her mood for the rest of the day. I often say to pay attention to the little things in life... but I don't mean the little things to make you miserable! If you set large things as what determines if you are happy or not, you are going to lead a sad life. In the end, it all winds down to you and the choices you make. You can wake up in the morning every day and choose to be happy, or choose to be grumpy... which do you choose? I am happy... and I am also happy with my choice. Maddie This morning I drove into Concord to visit my orthopedic doctor for my knee. In general, not much has changed. My PCL is still torn, and there is not much they can do about it. The PCL is a fan-shaped ligament and it is not as easy to repair as the ACL is. Thus, doctors usually won't operate on a PCL...There are just too many small segments that would be nearly impossible to repair without making things worse.
The doctor offered me a cortisone shot, which I turned down. I have had them before, and they really don't do much for my knee. Uflexa shots were also a disappointment, Neither treatment really targets the PCL, thus they are a bit of a waste. The pain in my knee isn't what really bothers me. I have grown used to it. What bothers me is the lack of stability I have when I am doing karate. Good balance and side to side movement is very important in karate. Certain movements now lead me to lose my balance and in extreme cases, throws my knee out for a moment (essentially, this is when the bones hit a nerve and I lose strength in the knee for a time). I usually hit the ground when this happens unless I have something I can grab a hold of quickly. Continuing on with my physical therapy to strengthen the muscles around my knee was his only recommendation. For a long time, I have felt that my knee brace was essentially useless. It doesn't give me a lot of support when I turn my knee and it basically sits like a dead weight on my leg. It turns out I was right! At the end of my visit, I told the doctor I wanted to put on the brace and show it to him because I thought it really did little to help me. After putting it on he agreed with me, and called in their brace specialist to look at my brace. The specialist took one look and said that the brace was bent out of shape and that the hinges were essentially locked into a position where I couldn't get full movement with my leg. Instead of helping me, it was actually cutting my range of motion. She also felt that a different model, better designed for the type of sport I do would help me to have better balance. They would also add padding to the exterior to lessen the chance that someone else will get hurt if they accidentally kick my brace, which happens from time to time. All said, while my knee isn't getting "fixed" my use of the knee should improve with the new brace. The new brace, coupled with my physical therapy exercises should allow me to eventually get back some of my side to side movement as well as some of my balance. The old brace was so bent that it did not support the knee when I bent it during a pivot movement. The new brace will! All said, I will be very happy with this outcome if it works as advertised. I just read an article on the internet that made me think about my own life a bit. The woman in the article spoke about giving up a $95,000 a year job in Manhattan to buy a one-way ticket to St. Johns in the Caribbean. When she left, she had no job to go to and knew no one on the island. She ended up selling ice cream at an ice cream parlor for $10 an hour. No, I have no plans to up and move to the islands! What made me think of my life was my decision to eschew a corporate job and start my own business...and then move to New Hampshire, well away from the financial capital of the world where most of my contacts worked. Similar to the woman in the article, my wife and I knew no one in New Hampshire. Unlike the woman in the article, we didn't give up the cash for our move...I lost that later! I must say that the move to New Hampshire was within the top five things that I have done in my life (my daughters are the best thing I have ever done!). The environment is beautiful, the people are nice, and we get to experience the best of all four seasons! That's a picture we took from the top of one of the local mountains. I truly can't imagine a more beautiful area to live in!
Anyway, back to the story. Sometimes a move can be just what the doctor ordered. I know that when we moved, we wanted to move somewhere that was less crowded and had a lower tax rate. We also wanted to make sure that where ever we moved, we wanted to have cable internet service so that I could conduct my business over the internet. As far as we planned, our plan worked! Sharon's illness was the curve ball I didn't see coming...we'll leave that for another blog post. For this post, I'd just like to say that the woman in the article I read transformed her life. She wasn't happy in Manhattan and felt like she was just spinning her wheels. She wanted her life to become simpler. We all have our own paths to follow. In the end, sometimes I think that following your heart isn't necessarily a bad thing. Just make sure that you use your head too. Dreams can come true, if you plan your way there. My hair is pretty I wear it long. Sometimes I curl it. Sometimes I braid it. I wear pony tails and pig tails too!
Ashleigh Every once in a while it's good idea to change up your work out routine. Last night, I did three five-minute rounds on the heavy bag. Ever wonder what kind of shape you are really in? Do three rounds on a heavy bag and you'll find out!.
In the first round, I am fresh and I start out hitting the bag fast and hard. The combinations I use are my most trusted...the ones I know I can throw out quickly and with power. Left jab, right straight punch, body shot, body shot. After two minutes, I'm huffing and my combinations are slowing down. At three minutes, the bag is swaying on its chain, and its a great time to practice the timing of the combinations I'm throwing...moving with the bag so that it doesn't swing into me. Left jab, left jab, move out of the way. The bag starts to swing away, jump in and connect with two hard body shots... as the bag reaches the height of its arc, a strong overhand right aimed at where I imagine its face would be if it was a person. Ding! DIng! End of round one. The one minute rest is welcomed. I watch as a lower belt receives instruction in sparring...follow the kick with punches! How easy it is to forget that one. Throw a kick and forget to punch and receive a punch to your head for your troubles. Always attack with combinations. My daughter is his opponent. She pops him in the head lightly each time he forgets to throw a combo. Good girl. Ding, Ding. Time for round two! Only a minute of quick hard combinations this time. My stamina, while better than it was 10 years ago, isn't where it was when I was 20...yet. I'm working towards it. My goal is to get my weight back to where it was while I was in high school, an even 200 pounds. Snap, bang! I hit the bag with a jab followed by a roundhouse elbow. At the three minute mark, I'm in a groove now. The sweat rolls down my back as I practice my power hits. These are the punches and strikes I like to think I'll use to end a real fight quickly. Will I be able to land one of them with power in a real fight? I don't know. I do know that I won't be able to do so if I don't practice them. A lesson my Dad taught me a long time ago comes back to me..."practice like you are going to do it in a game!" He was talking about basketball, but the lesson holds true in everything in life...including karate. I hit the bag hard twice. In a real fight, I'm not gonna give them a love tap! Two black belts bang into me as they spar behind me. I didn't see them coming, breaking the unwritten rule to always pay attention to your surroundings. Ding, ding! End of round two. Deep breaths! Round two has taken a lot out of me. I'm pleased my punches are still hitting with power. My shoulders ache from keeping my arms up and my left knee is throbbing. The bruise on my foot is tender and letting me know that I missed catching the bag with my shin at least once...probably more than once. Practice makes perfect when it comes to timing! Ding! Round three, and time to see it through. Power hits! No pretending to be fast this time! I'm hitting the bag with the intention of seeing it bend where my hand impacts it. Left hook, left hook, right body shot. I'm moving good and breathing heavy. Out of the corner of my eye, I see my daughter sparring another opponent. I turn to watch as she lands a kick and a punch to the other girl's chin. Not bad. She comes in again and the other girl catches her with a glancing blow from a spinning back fist. "You got three minutes to go over there" Hanshi shouts to me. He's right! I lost focus. Back to the bag. I'm sucking wind now. Fifteen minutes doesn't sound like much, but it is, and my muscles are screaming. Ding, the bell rings to announce the last minute of the round. I move in and hit the bag hard and fast. I want to hit it hard and fast for the last minute, but with 20 seconds to go I've slowed. I hit the bag for the last few seconds but my power has waned. As the final bell rings, I grasp the bag and allow it to hold me up. Sucking wind, I look up and the dojo is as it always is. The students are finishing up forms or are quietly talking while resting after a round of sparring. I've caught my breath and it's time to bow out. Tired, but not beaten, I turn and look at the bag as I walk off the floor. It hangs from its chain as if nothing has happened...I wish I had that stamina! For my karate friends, I just want it to be clear that this article is NOT about how to apply a back-breaking bear hug. No, this is a post about how hugging your loved ones can help to make both you and them happier by simply giving and receiving hugs.
Medical research has shown that hugging can help to alleviate feelings of loneliness, stress and depression, but even more importantly it can also help to cure sickness and disease. Even before reading the study, I had made it a point to hug my children regularly. At a minimum, I give my daughters hugs each morning when they wake up and again before they go to bed. I also try to give them hugs of encouragement throughout the day or as a reward for doing a good job on...just about anything! Although my wife and I always hugged the girls when they got up in the morning and before bed, it was after my wife passed away that I truly began to feel the power of hugs. I found that the hugs were a favorite part of my day and that they were helping me to work through my grief. The medicl journals say that hugs instantly boost oxytocin levels, which help to heal feelings of loneliness, isolation and anger. Moreover, hugs that last more than six seconds were also shown to boost serotonin levels. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter produced by the body that helps to elevate mood and create feelings of happiness. Other benefits of hugging include: that it can surreptitiously build a sense of trust and open communication between recipients. The journals also point out that self esteem is also boosted by hugging (who knew!) and that the immune system may also receive a boost. While all of that stuff is great, in the end, hugs can express a number of feelings that sometimes just can't be expressed with words. I remember the last time I saw my wife conscious before she died. My daughters and I were leaving for New Jersey...I was taking my daughter Maddie to her first concert to see Victoria Justice. We stopped by to see my wife, who was living in Jaffrey (why we were living apart is not pertinent to the story here). As we left her house, she stopped me and gave me a long hug and a kiss on the cheek. There was nothing sexual about the hug. At the time, I felt it was the kind of hug you gave someone when you were saying goodbye, and you were not certain you would ever see them again. My feelings were prophetic. While we were in New Jersey, my wife was rushed to the hospital bleeding internally. Although she lived for two more weeks, I never saw her conscious again. For the last six hours of her life, I held her, and she died in my arms. In the weeks that passed, I thought back on the hug she gave me before we left and it gave me solace to know that my wife still loved me in the waning days of her life. Her embrace had conveyed all of that to me without a word being spoken. Hugs have a way of communicating feelings even if the words remain unspoken. I hope that in the end, my final embrace with my wife as I held her in those final hours was able to convey the great love that I have for her as well. I hope that the hugs I give my daughters convey the love I have for them and that no matter what happens in their lives, they know that I will always love them and be there for them. |
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