"That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons that history has to teach." That is a quote by Aldous Huxley. Huxley is best known as the author of "A Brave New World" and "The Doors Of Perception". The Doors Of Perception recalls his experiences when taking a psychedelic drug, and was a book that had great influence on Jim Morrison. In fact, the book had such an impact on him that he named his rock band The Doors. How's that for trivia! Although I am sure that most true Doors fans already knew that. Anyway, Huxley was considered one of the greatest intellectuals of his time and was nominated for the Nobel Prize in literature in seven different years. While I am thinking about it, congratulations to Bob Dylan for winning the 2016 Noble Prize for literature. He won the award for ‘having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition’. The Swedish academy stated: “We’re really giving it to Bob Dylan as a great poet – that’s the reason we awarded him the prize. He’s a great poet in the great English tradition, stretching from Milton and Blake onwards. And he’s a very interesting traditionalist, in a highly original way. Not just the written tradition, but also the oral one; not just high literature, but also low literature.” Though Dylan is considered by many to be a musician, not a writer, Danius said the artistic reach of his lyrics and poetry could not be put in a single box. “I came to realize that we still read Homer and Sappho from ancient Greece, and they were writing 2,500 years ago,” she said. “They were meant to be performed, often together with instruments, but they have survived, and survived incredibly well, on the book page. We enjoy [their] poetry, and I think Bob Dylan deserves to be read as a poet.” I find it fitting to write about Aldous Huxley on the same day that Bob Dylan wins a Noble Prize because both men, in their own ways, called for social change. In fact, way back in 1958 Huxley gave a prescient warning about what he saw coming for the world in the future. Now, 58 years later, some of those predictions look startlingly accurate! Meanwhile, Dylan wrote songs in the sixties that called for social changes that also seem to be slowly gaining traction.
To get back to Huxley, after nearly sixty years, his words too are now history. Let's see what he was saying and if there is anything we should have learned. The quotes below come from an interview he did with Mike Wallace back in 1958. At that time Huxley stated that: 1."Technology, bureaucracy and Television will be used to enslave us." Huxley believed that: "we mustn’t be caught by surprise by our own advancing technology. This has happened again and again in history with technology’s advance and this changes social condition, and suddenly people have found themselves in a situation which they didn’t foresee and doing all sorts of things they really didn’t want to do." Specifically, on television he stated: " it is being used too much to distract everybody all the time. But, I mean, imagine which must be the situation in all communist countries where the television, where it exists, is always saying the same things the whole time; it’s always driving along. It’s not creating a wide front of distraction it’s creating a one-pointed, er…drumming in of a single idea, all the time. It’s obviously an immensely powerful instrument. ' There were a lot of other things that Huxley said too. Isaac Davis recently wrote an article about Huxley. Instead of just quoting from his article, follow this link to read it yourself Huxley It is rare that I ever just send my readers to another blog to read, but the article is well worth reading. In my opinion, Huxley was amazing. Now that you have read the article linked to above, I think you can see how self evident Huxley's quote to him. And remember, Brave New World was written in 1931. About 27 years before he gave that interview! Truly, He was a man ahead of his time. It's no wonder that his name often comes up when people speak of George Orwell, another writer of dystopian novels. He is best known for his book 1984. A Brave New World, 1984, and even Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand are all history now. Why not read them? And see if you can learn the messages these authors were trying to alert us to way back then.
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"It's in our biology to trust what we see with our eyes. This makes living in a carefully edited, overproduced, and Photoshopped world very dangerous." That is a quote by Brene Brown.
Getting back to today's quote, I think we all know deep down not to believe what we see in the media. Even so, we all, to some extent do! Now I don't think any of you really believe in the zebra ant I have pictured above, but I think that if you saw only the edited versions of the two women above you would believe that that is what they actually looked like. So much so, that if you then met the women in real life, you may feel disappointed with their real looks, even though both of them still look great. I have had a few experiences like that in real life. Each time, I didn't know who I met or saw until after the fact. The earliest example I have of this is when I met Bruce Springsteen in a store one time while I was still in high school.
In other words, he was dressed very similarly to me and my friends, and looked about the same age (we were about 17 or 18 at the time), even though he was actually about 28 or 29 at the time. We all joked around with him for about five minutes, while we waited in line at the music store. After he paid the girl at the register, he said so long, waved, and left. None of us even knew who he was, even though three of us were Bruce fans. The only way we found out was when the girl behind the counter asked us if any of us wanted to buy the VCR slip she had in her hand. When we said, "Why would we want to do that?" She said with an incredulous look on her face: "You mean you didn't know? That was Bruce Springsteen!" In all honesty, I never would have known. He honestly acted like just another dude in high school. I still can't make the two pictures of him match up in my mind! I can say he seemed like a real good guy. He joked around with a bunch of high school kids who he must have realized had no clue to who he was. And he seemed to have enjoyed the banter as much as we did.
The other two people I saw who were a little different were Mary Tyler Moore, and Connie Chung. Both of these women were still very pretty when I saw them. Mary Tyler Moore was in an airport and was talking to the person next to her. She was pretty, but I would not have known it was her if someone hadn't pointed it out to me. I had noticed her as a very pretty woman though! As for Connie, She is extremely pretty in person, she just seemed much shorter than I ever pictured her. She worked in the same building as me in New York during the mid- to late 90's. Sometimes I would be in the same elevator with her and I felt like I towered over her, even though I am not the tallest person myself.
Now that I have made this post longer than I wanted and rambled for a few paragraphs to boot, I'll get back to my main point. everything you see on TV or in print nowadays is likely photo-shopped to some extent. That's true whether it is people or events. Have you been watching the news and reading about the candidate visits to different towns? The media tries to make them look like they are all well attended. The truth of the matter is that most of them aren't. I have seen wide-angled views of some of the crowds where you can see that some of them have less than 75 people in the crowd. I have also seen videos where workers are handing out "home-made" looking signs for the people to hold. Nearly none of it is real folks! I guess to finish I will just say be careful what you believe folks. A lot of what you see on TV is there to sway you, not to inform you. "“There are more things to alarm us than to harm us, and we suffer more often in apprehension than reality.” That's a quote by Seneca. You say you don't know Seneca? For shame! Seneca was a tutor and adviser for Nero, way back during the Roman empire. He was forced to commit suicide after being found complicit in a plot to assassinate Nero. Was he guilty? Who really knows. I guess he found something that could both alarm and harm him!
Regardless of what happened to Seneca, I think his quote, for the most part, is spot on. I find that the things that really bother me and stress me out rarely do more than that. All of the worries that I have seem to be about what could happen, and not what has happened. At one point, I was worried that I was going to lose my house. My business was not doing well, and funds were getting short. All of the worry and stress was keeping me awake at night, and many of the solutions I came up with were either short sighted or too long-term oriented to be of any help. So what happened? I resigned myself to losing my house, thought out an exit strategy that wouldn't be too bad for me and my daughters, and then stopped worrying about it so much. (Yes, I still worried and felt bad... just not as bad as I had been feeling.) After resigning myself to my fate, I found a way out. Some of that way out included lucky things happening, but still I went from one small victory or coincidence to another until I finally worked myself out of my jam. Two years later, we still live in the same house, and I no longer have a mortgage on it! In accepting what I thought was inevitable, I stopped worrying about it as much, and in so doing made better decisions. Some of those decisions involved a bit of luck, but at the same time my mind was able to focus better and I could see different opportunities that I couldn't see earlier. Tonight, while reading Seneca's quote, I saw the wisdom in his observation. I suffered more from the apprehension of what I thought was going to happen, than I did from what actually happened. In hindsight, I can also look back and see that even if my worst fears were realized, I would have survived and eventually have been happy since the things that mean the most to me would have still been with me. I of course, mean my daughters, If ever you are alarmed about a potential outcome, please take a look at your fear. Ask yourself "What is the worst that can happen?" Once you can accept what the worst thing is, find ways to neutralize its impact on your happiness. Look for what really matters the most to you, and see if you can find a way to protect that, no matter what happens. With knowledge comes peace. Instead of focusing on what might be the worst. Think of ways that the worst may not really be anything else but change. The only constant is change. There is a bonus quote for you. Look it up and see who said it... although I think I may have discussed that quote once before anyway, so you can likely find the answer to that question right on this blog. Since change is constant, it makes sense that some of that change will be bad and some of it will be good. As long as its not fatal for you and yours, then you will survive and bounce back. Life goes on, and worries and fears will not work to make it any better. Thus, when you start to worry, think of Seneca and his insightful quote. "Notoriety is often mistaken for fame.” This is a great quote from the Aesop's fable about the dog with a bell on its collar. The fable goes something like this: "There was once a Dog who used to snap at people and bite them without any provocation, and who was a great nuisance to every one who came to his master's house. So his master fastened a bell round his neck to warn people of his presence. The Dog was very proud of the bell, and strutted about tinkling it with immense satisfaction. But an old dog came up to him and said, "The fewer airs you give yourself the better, my friend. You don't think, do you, that your bell was given you as a reward of merit? On the contrary, it is a badge of disgrace." The moral of the story is my quote! "Notoriety is often mistaken for fame." There are so many examples of this moral that it is hard to just pick one as an example. Instead, I'll give you a few different examples from different walks of life.
Let's start at the top of the proverbial food chain here and look at our next batch of so-called political leaders. On the democratic side, we have Hillary Rodham Clinton. Here is a woman, who in my mind, is a criminal and a liar. Even so, in some polls about 44% of the population want her to be our next president. My God! Our president should be someone that is not under investigation by the FBI for illegal actions. This woman has a shady past and many policy and procedural mistakes under her belt. She has been caught lying to the press and the people, and she compounds it by lying to cover up those lies. All of you know what I am talking about too... And yet, there she is. Whitewater, Travel-gate, Benghazi, sending classified material over private email servers, rumors of foul play after people with close ties to her end up dead. Any one of those should be enough to disqualify her. Yet there she is. And people are willing to vote for her! This is the perfect example of notoriety being mistaken for fame. Next, on the Republican side, we have Donald Trump. There is nothing dishonest about Donald Trump that I know of. He does have a reputation for flying off the handle and saying bombastic, hurtful things. Personally, I can't see how this is helping him in the race for the presidency. Even so, he too, has gotten a 44% approval rating in some of the polls. While I understand that a lot of what he is being accused of is blown out of proportion by the media (liberals can be nasty, too), there are just too many documented cases of the Donald being downright insulting to people he disagrees with for it to all be hype. Again, his notoriety is being mistaken for fame. Meanwhile, there is a third candidate in the race who has a solid track record of public service and has an actual plan to improve the economy... and yet he gets very little press. Gary Johnson, and his running mate, Bill Weld were both successful, scandal-less governors, who are currently garnering only 12% of the vote. Neither one of these two men are famous... but they don't have any notoriety either! Closer to home, I think we all know someone who does things that are sometimes reprehensible yet are well liked among their group of friends. I will not mention any stories here. In general, many of the people who read this blog would likely be able to pick out who I am talking about, whether I chose to speak about someone from New Jersey or here in New Hampshire. Remember, you don't need to kill someone to be notorious. At my level, I think it would be hard to call anyone I know famous. So let's just lean toward notorious and popular. Think of the people around you who are popular. Do all of them deserve to be so? I think we can all think of at least one or two people who would get a resounding no answer to that question. Finally, let's take a look at our heroes on TV and in the papers. We have football players who have been assaulting people, singers who seem to be known more for what parts of their bodies they are showing off on twitter rather than for their songs, and actors who are best know for their drug binges and alcoholic antics. Think people, don't mistake notoriety for fame. They are not the same thing, and I think our culture is poorer for the blindness to notoriety. There are no bells for people unfortunately, so stay on your guard. So many people walk about, living their lives for others. They care only what people think of them- how they are perceived by the public eye. Why is it so important? I've never quite understood. Looking at me, I suppose you could say I am the same. I follow trends, right? But then again, everything is a trend. Nothing is unique any more. No matter what you do, there will always be someone to copy you, or someone who has the same idea. It can be quite discouraging... thinking you lack individuality.
But you don't. You as a person are unique. You cannot be replicated, no one is exactly like you. And no matter how hard you may try, you can never be anyone else. You can try as you might to follow the crowd around you, but you can't escape yourself. You will always have your own mind, your own way of thinking that nothing can change. You will be yourself. So many people spend their lives trying to be what they aren't, only to realize on their deathbed that they wasted their time being miserable at the expense of others. I never want to be like that. I want to live my life how I wish to live it; and I want to be happy. I don't care how many people try to pin labels on me; or what stereotypes I get caught in. I am determined to be happy. I am determined to make my life's purpose happiness- both being happy; and making others happy. I CHOOSE happiness. I CHOOSE to be happy with who I am. I choose to follow the bits of the crowd that I like- because the bits compose me. I am unique. And I live to express. As long as I am happy... I really don't care what others think. Maddie "The closing years of life are like the end of a masquerade party, when the masks are dropped. " This is a quote by Cesare Pavese. Cesare was an Italian poet who committed suicide at the ripe old age of 41.
Although I have seen in print that many people believe that Pavese was just trying to say that with age comes wisdom, I am not so certain that this is what he actually meant. Remember Pavese killed himself when he was 41, much too young for him to be quoting about the wisdom found with age. Instead, I think that Pavese wrote those words while he was severely depressed. Just prior to his death he had had an affair with U.S.-born actress Constance Dowling, who, in the end, rejected him. This added to his depression and just before he died he dedicated a poem to her. "Death Will Come And She'll Have Your Eyes". For me, the title of the poem alone is enough to link it with the quote above! Knowing that he committed suicide at such a young age, and that he was grieving over the loss of a woman, I believe that what he was trying to convey in the quote was that at some point, everyone reaches that point of clarity where they can see things for what they really are, and for him, I guess, he found that life just wasn't worth living any longer. How sad. I think each of us reach multiple points of clarity throughout our lives. These points of clarity usually only involve a single person or a group of people at each occurrence. Pavese's mistake, I believe, is that he painted everyone and everything with the same broad brush. This could have been caused by his depression. And after reaching a false conclusion, he decided life wasn't worth living. In contrast, I try to find many reasons to live each day. The smiles and hugs I receive from my daughters when they wake up each day is a huge reason for me. It doesn't stop there though, conversations with my Mom and sister, my first cup of coffee, the cool breeze when I open my door. Petting my dog and eating breakfast are all little points of pleasure for me each day. Although the masks of the people around me do not drop every day, most times when they do I am happy with what I see. Surround yourself with people that make you happy. By doing that, I find that most times when the masks come off, I am happy with what I see. On the flip side, limit your time with those people that make you unhappy. Life is too short to be unhappy. Talk through your differences. It is worth the effort! Finally, cut off ties with people who are untrustworthy. If you can't trust someone to do what's right towards you, then you have no reason to have that person in your life. Finally... and here's the hard part. Try to have the wisdom to know the difference! "If you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self." This is a quote by Napoleon Hill. Hill was one of the first self-help gurus and the author of "Think & Grow Rich". I like the quote above because it is true.
One of our harshest critics is ourselves. There are so many reasons that people feel insecure. For some, it is their looks. For others, it may be their intelligence or how they think they are perceived. None of these things really matter though! What matters is what we think. If we think our looks are going to hold us back, then they will. We will make sure of it. If we think we are dumb, then inevitably we will do something to reinforce this feeling within ourselves. I believe, to be happy in life and be successful, no matter what your definition of success is, we need to first conquer our own self doubts. Self doubts can sabotage nearly anything that you want to do, even if the doubts you have are not directly tied to what it is you are trying to achieve! For example, let's say you want to start your own business. You may have a great idea for a business and all of the drive necessary to get it off the ground. Even so, you believe in your heart that people won't want to buy things from you because you are fat. Over time, you begin to focus so much about what people think about your weight, that you fail to focus on how to present your product. You begin to avoid instances where you need to be in front of a potential customer. Eventually, your business fails and you say to yourself, see I told you that you were too fat. Try to lose some weight first next time! So yes, the business failed. Unfortunately, it had nothing to do with you being overweight. Instead it had everything to do with how you acted because of your beliefs. The example I used above is a little far fetched. And yet, it isn't really. Now picture the above scenario and instead replace the "too fat to be successful" example with your own fear. How would your fear impact the result? I hate to speak to people because they will think I am stupid. I don't want to go out and ask people what they think unless my friends are with me because I am too shy. I don't want to help that customer with their problem because I may not be smart enough to give them what they need. As I said, replace the example with your own internal fear. What would happen? How would you react? Does your internal voice stop you from making rational decisions or from taking decisive actions? If so, then you need to conquer yourself first! Remember, that no one is perfect. Robin Williams, a comic that made thousands of people laugh and was well liked by millions, constantly fought depression. Many other Hollywood stars or rock musicians also battled depression. They could not see their own self worth, or what others valued in them. My wife had a similar problem. She constantly battled her inner demons. Because she set such a high standard on her looks, she battled two eating disorders. When they strains from the disorders got too great, she would drink to self medicate. The constant alcohol use took a toll on both her mind and her body. Three years ago, she drank herself to death. The best way to fight your inner demons is to recognize your inner fear, and then do what needs to be done anyway. If someone won't buy from me because they think I am fat, and yet they need the product I have anyway, then that is them not being rational, not me! If I say something, to help someone make a decision and they think I am weird, then so be it! None of those things are going to kill me! How I react to those things, may kill me though. Before you go to conquer the world, first be sure to conquer your own self doubts. It is likely the hardest battle that any of us will ever have to face alone. I may get around...I may laugh alot... Now you'd think that I'd be happy with the life I got Nobody knows...nobody sees Ain't nobody really knows the inner side o'me... I may seem secure...I could have it made... You might think you see a lucky man who made the grade Nobody knows what dreams I see Ain't nobody really sure just who they wanna be... Those are lyrics by Billy Squier. I used to listen to him a lot when I was in high school and college. I thought about that song for the first time in a long while last night. My daughter and I were coming back from the movies and we were chit-chatting about different things. Somehow, we got to a conversation where I brought up we all wear many masks... a bastardization of Shakespeare's "All the world's a stage" quote meshed with Andre Berthiaume's "We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin." quote. She mentioned to me that while it's true we all play many parts, she tries to keep on the same face and be the same throughout. Very admirable, but also nearly impossible to do (at least to me, anyway). I thought about my own life, and where I need to keep parts of me in check. Not in major ways mind you, but just in little ways where decorum calls for a different attitude. In church for instance, where I find it is better to sit quietly rather than kid around with my daughters and try to make them laugh... or at the dojo where I try to just focus on my workout. Those are just basic examples. There are others too. But our talk brought those lyrics to mind after so many years of not thinking of them. It was weird, because what we were talking about barely touched upon what I think about when I read those lyrics. For quite a while when I was younger, I felt misunderstood. Not so much about what I said, but about what I didn't say. Oftentimes, I would hide my true inner feelings away figuring people would just know from looking at me or the way I acted. And to some extent, that was true. Those who knew me really well, DID know somethings about me. But not all things. You see, we all do wear masks that we hide behind. Sometimes we don't even realize it. They have become so comfortable in some situations that we put them on without even realizing it. Our friends and lovers, those that know us best, have seen many of the masks... and they can still recognize us for who we are. They may even chuckle when we put on a mask we may not have worn in a while. But I doubt anyone knows all of our masks... including ourselves! Now don't get me wrong. I am not talking about something sinister here. And mask may be the wrong word for what I am talking about. I guess I am talking about a break in your usual behavior pattern, or facial expression, or way you say something. Verbal and nonverbal cues that you are putting on a facade. We all do it. Whether it is our biggest exaggerated smile for a baby, or the look of empathy that crosses your face when you hear a sad story about a person you really know nothing about. There is nothing wrong with these affectations, unless you let them fool you as well. And this, I think, is where we all fail. We become so used to wearing certain mantles, that we allow them to graft onto our skin, and make us into people who we are not. When your inner feelings differ from your outward persona on a regular basis, then this has happened to you. Don't let this happen to you. When your inner feeling match your outward persona, this is when you are one. It is alright to put on a mask on occasion... so that you don't scare the hell out of children, for instance. Or so that you can sit through the church service without disrupting the Mass. Just don't let any one mask become you. True living comes from a life without masks. Cheers to you Maddie, for inadvertently reminding me of that. (For the record. "Nobody Knows was a great song by Billy Squier. He dedicated it to the life of John Lennon. The last couple of verses of the song are below.) * Photo by Maddie by the way! "I see my future at the rainbow's end
Happy hours...timeless friends And if I ever chance to find my way Rest assured...I will stay... You may see your life as a compromise You may live to find the promise dancin' in your eyes Nobody knows...it's meant to be... Let the magic of the moment say it all to me." "My image of me is not at all your image of me." That's a quote by Alan Watts. "Who is Alan Watts?" you might ask. He was a philosopher who died in the early '70's whose claim to fame was that he popularized eastern philosophy for a western audience. He wrote The Way of Zen, one of the first best-selling books on Buddhism. I like the quote above because it is true. No one knows you better than yourself, and yet, oftentimes people will be their own worst critics. Sometimes it seems that we are only able to see the negatives about ourselves in a clear light while the good points are obscured until someone points them out to us. Why is it that the person we should know the best, is the person we sometimes know the least about. Why is it so hard for some of us to convey our own good qualities? A while back I put up a profile on Zoosk.com ... a dating site. On your home page, they have you write a little something about yourself, which will hopefully help to let someone know a little bit about you and make you sound appealing. Well, I just went back and read mine and I am ashamed to say that I don't even think I sound interesting. To be honest, after reading my "Story" I don't even think I would like to meet myself! What I wrote is below. I will give my self assessment afterward. I live in Rindge and I work out of my home, I have two daughters, 14 and 6. I home school both of my daughters. I train in the martial arts a couple times a week and help teach the little ninja classes twice a week. I am a 2nd degree blackbelt, as is my oldest daughter. We take our training seriously. I like to fish hike and go canoeing. I am not a big fan of TV. I prefer to read or to watch a movie on DVD. I like to go to the movies and concerts, and I love to take my daughters to museums. I also like flea markets and antique stores. I am a good cook, although I prefer to use a grill rather than the stove. I am not a vegetarian and while I can cook vegetables, I much prefer to cook a nice steak. I do not smoke or drink and preferably, you don't either. My ex-wife died in August, 2013 due to complications from alcoholism thus heavy drinkers and party girls need not apply. Part Two I am looking for someone who isn't into partying, likes children and doesn't feel the need to go out every night. While an appreciation of the martial arts or the willingness to learn isn't a necessity, it would be nice to find someone who actually does. Like most people I like to laugh and to make others laugh. A good sense of humor would be welcome. Aside from that, I am open to meeting new people. I have been out of the dating scene for over 17 years so it will be nice to meet new types of people. Well, there it is. While everything I said in the blurb there is true, I personally don't see anything there that anybody will latch onto and say, Wow, I'd really like to meet that guy! It is short and blunt and leaves nothing to the imagination... and nothing to build a dream on. Who really cares if I am a good cook? It's true, but no one really gives a shit. I don't drink, so I likely cut off about 80% of the eligible women with that statement. Moreover, two to four times a week I have basically said that I am either going to go and hit and kick things or teach kids how to properly hit and kick things.
I despise TV. Yep, that's gonna win me a lot of hearts.I like to read... so go amuse yourself for a few hours while I read this book! Well is there anything else? Well, now that you mention it, I said I like to go to the movies or concerts, but I never said what kind of movies I like or what type of music I like. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if women thought I'd probably like to sit through a night of chamber music... or maybe the chanting monks! So what could I have written that may have made me sound more enticing? Only things that either won't win me any friends, or things that are only partially true. For instance, while I love to go to rock concerts and have seen hundreds of bands, most of those were from when I was younger. My schedule only allows me to get out only so often. In fact, over the past two years I have seen only six bands... and four of those were on the same night! Yikes! So what else? I like to have deep discussions on a broad range of topics... economics, philosophy, psychology. In fact, when I can't find people to talk about these things with, I will write about them three to five times a week on my blog. I have my daughters write on the blog too, so you can basically see where the whole family is coming from! If you are looking for a snappy dresser, then I am not your man! I prefer jeans and a t shirt. I do know how to dress up. But after twenty years in a suit, I came to find I am most comfortable in jeans and a T. Shaving is optional in my world. There is a 90% chance that I won't shave on any given day. I will scrape it off every once in a while, particularly if we are doing something where it i expected that I don't look like the unabomber. Note, though, that I do prefer women who shave their legs and armpits. Women with bodies hairier than mine are a dealbreaker! Yep, I bet my new revised write up is just gonna win me a lot of hearts. Okay, folks, here's an assignment... particularly if you are a long-time reader. Write me up a story line that you think can win me favor with the roulette wheel of Zoosk! Try to make it honest! It can be funny or serious. Believe me, I will be amused by all of them. If one of them is really eye catching. I'll use it for my storyline on Zoosk. I am not a subscriber by the way, I just have a free account. I figure I can sign up quickly if someone catches my eye. That's me on the right. I read an article earlier today that had all sorts of questions on it. It was titled: Deep Conversation Topics. Many of the questions were very personal and something you would likely not answer truthfully unless you were very comfortable with the person asking you the question. Even so, there were a few soft ball questions that I think anyone would openly answer. Below, I will ask and answer a couple of questions. If you disagree with my answer, then write in and give your point of view. With that said, here we go!
"If you were given an envelope with the time and date of your death inside, would you open it? I thought this was a rather silly question since it could never happen, unless the person was going to murder you right then. Otherwise, there is no way anyone could know for certain. Still, just to pay along with the nonsense, I will give it an honest answer as if it could happen. I would open the envelope. Why? Because I would like to take the week off before my death just to get all my affairs in order so that my daughters wouldn't have to do it, and so that I could spend some extra quality time with them. if it said I was dying young, I would also take out extra insurance so that my daughters would be very well off after I died (ha ha). Moreover, if my death was still a long ways off, I would make sure to start knocking things off my bucket list of things to do before I die a little more quickly. In hindsight, isn't that what we should be doing anyway? Trying to experience life to its fullest before it is too late. While I realize the question is stupid on the surface, it does make you see the error of your ways if you are not living your life to its fullest. In that regard, it was a good question. So what will you do now, to make your life a little more lively before you die? Personally, I am slated to do one of the things I have always wanted to do this summer. I am taking my girls on a cross-country train trip starting in Boston and finishing in San Francisco. I used to be a rail stock analyst and on a number of occasions I went on train trips with the railroads on "track inspection" tours. Usually, these tours were in the southern United States. I always enjoyed them and thought that a trip across the entire country would lead to some great scenery and a pleasant trip. I want my girls to see the country, and not just see cities that they fly to, thus I decided this was a great way to have them see the country, while also fulfilling one of my little dreams too. I am looking forward to the trip, and for the first time in a long time I actually can't wait for the trip to begin! "Who are you really? Who is behind the mask that you show to the rest of the world?" Ah, here is a question that I think everyone really has trouble with. We all wear many masks depending on either who we are with, or where we are, or what we are doing. No, you say? You are always the same. I honestly doubt that. Let me give you some examples. When you are in a church, do you act differently than when you are outside of it? Are you quieter in the church? How do you act in front of your boss compared to how you act with friends that you have known for years? Do you act differently at home then you do when you are out? I think the answers are a resounding Yes! And it's okay! We all need to show restraint at times... it's normal! But, whether it is normal or not, the truth is that some people only know a caricature of our true selves. Sometimes, we even fool ourselves. Here is a perfect example. I am an introvert. At the same time, I can be very sociable. When I was younger, I was afraid that people would think I was strange and a loner if I was too quiet. Thus, I forced myself to go talk to people and try to make them laugh. I did this so much, that most people, including my oldest daughter, think I am an extrovert. And, to look at it from their point of view, I certainly do look like an extrovert... when I am out in public. When I am home, I am happiest just being around my family. I can stay in the house for days on end without ever feeling the need to go out. In fact, I am happy to just let the phone ring sometimes and not answer it. Certainly not the actions of an extrovert! So what is behind your mask? I am an introvert. I am very observant and I am a thinker. In fact, sometimes I likely overthink things. By trade I am a stock analyst. It is a great profession for me because I like to think logically, and look at how things are related. I analyze everything in my life and the environment around me. Analyzing a stock is just an extension of my personality really. When I was younger, I would jokingly tell people I am an opinionated guy and people pay me for my opinion. That line always got a good chuckle, but after a few years, I began to realize that the statement was entirely true. So what other masks do I wear? Father, son, sensei analyst, friend, worker and friendly person. I wear them all interchangeably. With some people, I am like Janus, and they get to see me with more than one mask. With others, I am opaque, and they really have no sense of who I truly am. With myself? I am a bit of a mystery. I see the many masks that I put on, and while I hope I know the true face that is underneath, sometimes I even surprise myself with what is really inside. Last one: "What is holding you back from being the person you truly want to be?" Oh, the answer to this one is easy really. On the surface at least. What is holding me back? Fear. Not a physical fear and not a fear in all aspects of my life, but fear is the answer anyway. Fear of how I will be perceived by others, and particularly the ones I love. I try not to let the fear stop me from being who I am, but every once in a while, something will come out of nowhere and make me think about something in my life. Here is a recent example. This may get a little lengthy because I think I need to explain a little about my past and my present. In the past, I worked as a stock analyst in New York for a number of different firms. Oftentimes I had to wear expensive suits because I would be meeting with management teams or other analysts and I was expected to look successful at all times. For about twenty years, I had to wear suits fairly regularly, although not every day. When I started my own business, I did not have to wear suits often since a lot of my work was done at home on the computer. I began to dress comfortably, which to me, means in a jeans and a Tee shirt. One social worker who was working with me and Sharon noted that I was always in jeans and a tee and pointed out to me that it was like my uniform. When I said that I could wear whatever I liked, she said yes, and yet you choose to wear jeans and a Tee shirt... at least every time that I see you. She said: "in your mind you see the very casual dress as a badge of your success. You no longer dress up to impress people. Instead you dress down and you like to leave people wondering how is it you can do what you like, even though you dress worse than they do." I thought about what she said for a long time. And I think she was partially right. I think she was partially right because I do wear my tee shirt and jeans as a kind of uniform. It is a uniform that reminds me that I control my own destiny. I never really thought about what others were thinking about me, but what I was thinking to myself that I was free to dress as I wanted. Well the other day, I was speaking with my daughter and she told me that the car I drove rather finished off my white trash persona. Now, I never thought that I put off a "white trash" persona, but I guess to my daughter and her friends I do. Tee shirts and jeans somehow must be frowned upon nowadays. I really think that no one who takes a moment to speak with me thinks that I am white trash. I do drive an old clunky car. It was my wife's car when she died, and I started driving it. I am not ready to get rid of it yet, so whether it is a rust bucket or not, I will be driving it for a while. My truck is also older. It is a 1992, to be honest. Up until last year, it was my plow truck only, and never came off of the property. Now, I occasionally drive it around. Oddly enough, I have always driven used cars. They do not lose 20% of their value the minute you drive them off the lot, and I can usually pay cash for them. One rule of thumb that I have is to never borrow money on a depreciating asset. If that makes me white trash, then so be it. I guess I would rather be considered white trash than to borrow money to buy a new car that will lose value the minute I drive it off of the lot. I am totally debt free. No car loan, no student loan debt, no mortgage and no credit card debt. There are very few in this country that can say that. I have worked hard for everything that I have and I don't feel the need to show it off. If it makes someone feel good to have a new car, that's great. They can have it. For me, a car is a tool. It gets me from point A to point B. It says nothing about my personality, whether it is white, red, or even pink. I don't care whether it is a Ford or a Chevy, an Isuzu, or a Honda. I just care whether or not it is reliable for what I need it for. I leave keeping up with the Jones' for others to play. In the end, I am who I have wanted to be... a good father and a collector of memories and small moments. When I die, the old Blazer or pick up truck will not be coming with me. Hopefully, my memories will. If not, at a minimum I will be happy if I can leave some happy memories for my daughters. And when they think of me, they will look past the tee shirt and the jeans and see me for who I really am, and not just as their caricature of white trash. The fear is there, though. "People don't want to hear the truth, because they don't want their illusions destroyed." That's a quote by Friedrich Nietzsche. I am going to assume you all know a little about Friedrich, that way I don't have to bore you with a run down on his life and thoughts.
One thing I will say, is that although many people seem to think his writing was popular with the Nazis, this really isn't so. You see, in his later years he had lost his mental faculties and was taken care of by his family. After his death in 1900, his sister took control of his writings and reworking Nietzsche's unpublished writings to fit her own German nationalist ideology while often contradicting or obfuscating his stated opinions, which were explicitly opposed to antisemitism and nationalism. That's what Wikipedia has to say on the subject anyway! As for the above quote, I think Nietzsche was spot on. There are a number of truths that people just don't want to hear nowadays, because it doesn't fit with their illusions. It's important to note that not all people are opposed to all truths, but that if enough people are opposed to any given truth, they will do their best to shout down anyone who opposes their belief. Below, are some things that I see as fundamentally true that people don't want to hear.
Okay, that's enough. I think you get the idea. There are a lot more truths out there. Write some in a comment and send them to me. If they aren't too bad, maybe I will post them in a follow up post. So far, I have had zero responses to my requests for thoughts on the different posts I write. I don't blame you really. I rarely respond to other people's requests either. We all have a lot to do, I realize. I find it kind of cool that 160 separate people read our blog last week, and that we have been averaging over 140 people a week for the past few weeks. If you like what you see, tell others about it. We have fun writing the blog and it is a homeschooling project for both of my daughters. So we'll keep writing whether you respond or not. Good night folks! "Be Weird. Be Random. Be Who You Are. Because You Never Know Who Would Love The Person You Hide." Okay, so I found this quote on a poster (above) and I have no clue who said it. Given the picture of the cat, it was probably a hippy. And that's okay.
As I have gotten older, I have found more and more to like about the hippy movement. Make love not war? I'm all for it! Equal rights? Yep, nothing wrong with that either. How about: Leave things better than you found it? That works for me also! Okay, so after that last paragraph you might ask: Well, aren't things okay?" Yes, and that's the problem. Being "okay" is not the same as being happy. But okay is not bad enough for anyone to care either! "Okay" means just more of the same shit. Which brings me back to the original quote. Don't pretend to be something you are not, or someone who is really the opposite of your nature. I would think that this will only end badly. Remember, people are drawn to people who are similar to them. If you pretend to be someone you are not, you will likely attract someone who is very different than who you truly are. Meanwhile, if you always act as you truly are, you are more likely to attract someone who is really like you, and who will love you for who you are. Or, of course, you could attract someone who is pretending to be like you truly are, which could also be a problem. In the end, honesty is the best policy. Be who you are. Be open to meeting new people and listen to what they say. Sometimes, it is easier to see with your ears and your heart. If you honestly want your life to be real, then don't be an illusion to others. Recently, it has been brought to my attention that the people we call "heroes"
Are in fact, some of the lowliest people you will meet And it blows my mind that we look up to people For little to no reason without actually knowing them They fill a role and therefore we glorify them without reason. The people I am talking about are none other Than our own military The troops we revere and stand by so frequently Looking up to their "bravery" and everything else they tend to be embellished with And we fail to see that some troops are the most twisted people you would ever meet. Now I have a friend who's boyfriend is in the military And I can tell you from speaking to him that he's an honorable guy And honestly I'm happy that she's found someone stable who cares about her But the horror stories she hears from him about his unit Truly make me question the integrity and morals of soldiers in general. Now I know well that not all soldiers are like this And maybe there's a chance my friend's boyfriend is with a really bad unit But to me; the actions of the soldiers within his unit are representative of what most are probably like Let's get into what I'm talking about I'm talking about one hero cheating on his wife. Another hero cheating on his girlfriend. Another hero cheating on his girlfriend while simultaneously sleeping with a married woman with a child. That doesn't sound very heroic, now does it? But this is who we look to to defend our country Those so untrustworthy that they cannot hold their own relationships together But no They are brave They defend our country They have all the morals in the world ... Or do they. We need to stop glorifying people for their occupation choice And more for who they actually are Anyone can become a soldier if they put their mind to it But not everyone can be a good person when they think no one is watching. -- Maddie "We can change what we do, but not who we are." That is a quote from me! Well, I thought it was mine, but it seems two others have thought about it before. At least I found two other references to that quote on the internet. One was on a review to a Kanye West album on some obscure rap website and the other was by a Presbyterian minister on his local website in Jackson Mississippi. An no, I had never read either website before. So it is a quote by me, that happened to be used by two other people but on different subjects. I doubt you would be able to find Wikipedia articles on any of us, so don't bother trying.
If any of you have the time, feel free to put up a Wikipedia piece on me... just try to keep it accurate. That thought kind of reminds me of the movie Full Metal Jacket. There is a scene in that movie where a soldier is being interviewed by a TV reporter and he says that he joined the army because he wanted to be the first boy on his block with a confirmed kill. What craziness. Well, I guess I want to be the first person on my block with a confirmed Wikipedia listing! Anyway, it was after thinking about my last post that made me think about the above quote. When I was younger, I drank heavily and liked to "party". A lot of what I did revolved around drinking, getting a buzz and hanging around places where other people were doing the same thing. Travelling to a city I really knew nothing about to party with people I didn't know seemed exciting... not stupid. Nowadays, when I go to a new city (and its not for business), I am looking for interesting things to visit, and if i meet interesting people along the way, all the better. I am not looking to meet drunks, or partiers though. Instead, I want to meet people with interesting stories or interesting knowledge that they can share. I guess I am the same. Even back when I was just looking to get a buzz, I wanted to be surrounded by interesting people. I wanted to learn new things and get a buzz while doing it. Now, I still want to meet interesting people and learn new things... I have grown, though, and no longer need to chase a buzz to enjoy these different things. The more I look back, the more I see that my drinking was more of a way to break away from the every day and push the frontiers of my mind. Unfortunately, I got trapped into that lifestyle and IT became my regular way of spending the weekend, or an off night etc. With age comes wisdom. For those of us who learned, we still enjoy each other's company, but alcohol and other substances play no part in our lives. For others, my wife, my cousin, my good friend Tommy, they never learned that the substance wasn't necessary... and it killed them. Addiction is a horrible condition and the best way to beat it is to not start testing it. Although there are not a lot of things that I regret about my life, the few that I do, in one way or another inevitably involve alcohol. On the one hand, I have many good friends who I first met while partying and became friends with after we went partying. I have no regrets about meeting these people and adding them to my life. I do regret that I could not do those things back then without the alcohol to make it easier. In essence, I have changed what I do, but I remain who I am. I still find the same things funny, or interesting, I still have the same kinds of thoughts and I still like to do the same things. I am now just able to do them easily, no even easier, without alcohol. I still like to go see bands, walk a quiet trail and go to places I have not been before. Shop for antiques and have quiet, deep conversations. I do them sober now and share them with my daughters. I have changed, yet I am who I am! Who would have thunk it! No quotes today folks. Just some thoughts on the old counter culture and what happened to it. In a nutshell, a lot of it was misunderstood, and much of it went mainstream. There were many parts to the counterculture, though, and to say that it all died or went mainstream would be incorrect.
When I think of counterculture, I think of the hippies. Not all hippies were the same though. There were anti-war rallies, acid heads, free love advocates and those who just reveled in the music and the lifestyle. Nowadays, my daughter is teasingly called a hippy, because she prefers natural cures for medical problems rather than pharmaceuticals. That really makes me laugh because it is so obvious that her friends really don't know much about hippies. In fact, the term hippy was usually used as a derogatory to label someone who traveled outside of usual societal norms. Overtime, many of those distinctions were embraced by the popular culture so that they were absorbed by it. Here are a few "hippy" ideas that are not part of the mainstream. Now, I am not saying whether any of these things are good or bad, just that they were at one time fringe hippy ideals (and keep in mind, not ideals for all hippies) that are now part of the popular culture.
To me, the loss of freedom is the one that bothers me most. It is unbelievable how many rules and regulations restricting our freedoms have been enacted just in the past decade alone. Parents have been charged with child neglect just for allowing their children to walk home from school! Others receive tickets if their child rides a bike without a helmet. Adults receive tickets in most states if they do not wear a seat belt. Thank God I live in New Hampshire, the one state in the nation that doesn't enforce that law. Now, don't try to justify it... "well it saves lives" it is still a taking of our freedoms. I wonder what the founding fathers would think of our current society? I think they would cry! They would cry about the sacrifices they made for our freedoms... not fighting in some made-up corporate war, but fighting their own government to free the people from oppression. Now, their prodigy embrace the loss of their freedom and actually cheer it on! Finally, hypocrisy has always been a part of the mainstream culture and it still is. Again below are areas where I see hypocrisy. I am not saying whether the underlying ideal is good or bad, just that the way it is being legislated is hypocritical.
In the end, I guess the counterculture was absorbed by the mainstream. There are still some bastions of counter left in the counter culture. It is just hidden away now. To me, we are all a little bit hippy now. Some more, others less. Just remember, "hippy" wasn't about the dress, or the music, the drugs or the war. It was a label that people used to point out what they were afraid of. Now, the hippies run the show, and things are no better. So be a hippy, it's chic now. As for the counter culture, some of it is mainstream now. Unfortunately, the parts that were interesting are not, and likely never will be. So take it from an old hippy wanna be: live in peace, Do unto others as you would want done to yourself, and make happiness, not discord. I'd use the old adage make love not war, but I am 50 and single and making love has been missing for about three years now, so make happiness not discord will have to do for now. "We all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own." Yep. you guessed it. That's Marcus Aurelius again.
When I read the above quote, I stopped and thought "Why is that I wonder?" He is kind of correct there in what he says. We all, to some extent, love ourselves. There is something about each of us that makes us look out for our own self preservation. At the same time, many of us worry about what other people think of us. I've noticed that since I have moved away from New Jersey, I really don't care how people perceive me. I wear jeans and a t-shirt daily, and I rarely dress up. Back when I worked in New York, I wore a suit nearly every day. Every day when I was in the city anyway. Nowadays, I still wear a suit when I go into the office in New York. The question is why? My employer knows that I do good work for them. My reports rarely need major edits and everything is always in on time. If I went into the office with my full beard and in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, would anything really change? No. And yet, I simply won't do it! People have preconceived ideas about what an analyst looks like. They wear a suit, they are well barbered and they wear nice shoes and a tie. Nothing can be further from the truth though. For the past twelve years, I worked with hedge funds all over the east coast. What I noticed was that nearly none of the analysts and portfolio managers I met with wore a suit regularly. The first time I met them, they usually had a suit on. But after that they usually just wore a polo shirt and khakis (or something similar). These men are some of the top analysts and portfolio managers on the Street. And yet, they did not wear suits on a daily basis. To tell you the truth, I don't think many of my business associates would be surprised or shocked to see me in jeans and a T-shirt. I also don't think they would be surprised to see me with a full beard. So, if the top guys on the Street more often than not dress casually, then why is everyone so worried about suits and dressing nicely. It is because of how they want to be perceived! Not everyone is at a level where they feel comfortable not wearing the "uniform" of their trade. Many firms want their people to look professional... even though the top professionals, for the most part, dress casually most of the time. Don't get me wrong, they do wear suits... but just when they are trying to impress. Most times, when they are not expecting to be seen by people they don't know, they dress more casually. No matter how hard we try people, other people's opinions seem to matter to us. Particularly when it comes to their opinions about us. My advice: Love yourself. Respect your own opinion about yourself. And dress up when you feel there is a need to. The last time I dressed up was a few months ago for my friend's father's funeral. The time before that was in 2014, the last time I went into my office in New York. Some habits die hard! "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy. Its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." That, friends, is a quote from Winston Churchill.
Personally, I don't know what to think of old Winston. There are many things he said and did, that I can truly appreciate. There are other things that were reprehensible. I guess that makes him human, since we all have our good and bad moments. It's just that for most of us, our bad moments won't willfully cost other people their lives. Regardless of what you think of the man, I agree with the above quote. I sometimes think that people have either lost their minds or just don't understand economics, history, or property rights. To me, I believe every person has the right to decide what to do with their property...including their money. Socialism, on the other hand, seems to think that everyone is entitled to the sweat of your labor. And not just your labor, but anyone and everyone who is actually working to survive. If you, as an individual, want to give someone else a portion of your pay or property to help them live better, that is entirely up to you. On the other hand, no one has the right to tell other people what they have to do with their money...particularly in regards to charity. Yet Socialism isn't just about charity. It is about the trampling of one person's rights to improve the lot of another. Laws governing the treatment of organized labor is a case in point. So is socialized medicine and social security. Any time, one person's rights are put to the wayside by legislation to improve the lot of another, it is a travesty. In my mind, the United States has slowly turned into a socialist country. Most people are too ignorant to realize it. Very few have read the communist manifesto. If they had, they would see that many of the changes that the federal government has rammed through over the past 100 years are in actuality planks of the communist manifesto. Here is a link to a web page that explains the ten planks set out by Karl Marx. He wrote them in 1848 by the way. What I find amazing is that our country follows socialist policies, and most people walk around calling our country the land of the free! At the same time, when these socialist policies fail and create economic problems, The liberal newspapers scream about the failures of Capitalism! George Orwell wrote about doublethink in his famous novel "1984". If you haven't read it. You really should. It is a thought provoking read! Ayn Rand's novel "Atlas Shrugged" is also a good read, although it is very long and drags at times. Read these novels, and then look at our country and see if you see the parallels. These people were true visionaries. Well, there is my rant for today. Sorry about the subject matter, but on occasion, someone says something really stupid, and I can't hold myself back... and a rant is born! Have a good night! "Do not spoil what you have, by desiring what you have not." That's a quote by Epicurus. For those of you who are not up on your ancient Greek philosophers, Epicurus is the founder of a school of philosophy called Epicureanism. For him, the purpose of philosophy was to attain the happy, tranquil life. To have peace, and freedom from fear, and the absence of pain. Sounds like my kind of guy! For those of you with a few minutes to spare, and like a good puzzle, look up the Epicurean paradox. Given its a paradox, it is certain to make you think! Which is a great exercise.
Anyway, back to the quote! Now that you have an idea about what drove Epicurus, you can see where he is coming from with this quote. Oddly enough, there are only a few fragments left from the more than 300 written works attributed to him. In fact, much of what we know of him come from other writers and his followers. I don't know about you, but when I desire something I don't have, it is usually because nothing I have will give me the same utility. I must say that I have never desired something so much that it spoiled for me what I already had. Instead, I usually find that I desire something to enhance what I already have. For many people though, they become obsessed with what they don't have, and therefore fail to enjoy what they do have. I think the best way to avoid this problem is to really know what makes you happy. So many people go through life searching for what will make them happy. They search through the acquisition of consumer goods. I will be much more desirable if I have ripped jeans, therefore I will find someone who loves me for me and be happy. Or, people with nose rings look so cool. If I had a nose ring, I would be considered cool too, and maybe people will accept me for who I am. In both cases, the person wants one thing, but mistakenly thinks that they will get it if they have a particular look or product. Our culture seems to celebrate people who are different, yet many instead want to be different in the same way. Think of tattoos, hair styles, jewelry, clothing, and accessories. How many times do you see people who look different than you, but similar to many other people you see. Are any of them really being different? Or are they just trying to fit in with a particular type of person, while alienating the rest? We look at people, the way they dress, or what they drive, or who they hang out with and we make assumptions about them. Every once in a while, we will get to meet one of these different (different than ourselves, anyway) people and get to view their humanity up close and personal. We get to talk to them in a setting away from "Their" group or "Our" group, and we realize that much of what we usually see is just a facade. Underneath, we are mainly the same. Yes, I realize that there are differences. It is just that the differences don't have to be so great, if we can look past the facade and see the real person underneath. Overall, their wants and needs are similar to ours. For me, I am happiest when I don't care what others think of me. I like to talk to people, and hopefully make them smile or laugh. I like to share my thoughts and knowledge. That is me. Underneath it all, I think that is everybody. We all want acceptance for who we are. So much so for some that they are willing to change who they are to gain acceptance for who they are from others. It is a sad, sad, game that they play. And the shame of it is, that many of them don't even realize that they are playing it. I guess what I am trying to say is, be true to yourself. When you stop trying to chase other people's approval, you will find that you will finally approve of yourself. Some "smart" people will never learn this lesson. Sometimes the most obvious things are the hardest things to see. "Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye." H. Jackson Brown said that. If you ever wonder where I find all of these neat quotes. I get them Here: www.brainyquote.com. Although you can find quotes all over the web, I find this site has a nice selection and is easy to search through. You can search by topic or by author. I usually search by topic.
For today's quote, I used love as the topic. Why? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like the topics I choose are a little too somber or serious. Originally, I was looking for something humorous or light, but then I found the above quote. I thought about this quote for a little while before I decided to write about it...trying to figure out whether or not it was true. I think that it may be true. My wife was a beautiful woman and many people would think that with her problems, I likely chose her for her looks. This wasn't the case though. You see, my wife was married when I first met her, and I just saw her as one of the secretaries around the office. I lived along the shore in New Jersey when I was younger and a number of the guys from the office had chipped in and got a beach house in Long Branch. Given that I lived only 20 minutes from their house, I hung out with them all the time. One weekend, we were throwing a party at their house and many of the secretaries around the office were coming. Sharon knew about the party, but she hadn't been invited. I felt a little bad about that and invited her to come, telling her to bring whoever she wanted (meaning her husband was invited also). I did not expect her to come, but I wanted her to feel like she was part of the office anyway even if she couldn't make it. What I didn't know at that point was that her husband had died a few months before. I was really surprised when she showed up at the party that weekend around 9:30 in the evening. She had brought another one of the secretaries from Merrill, along with an Indian guy. When the guy went to get drinks for the ladies I casually said to her, oh, I didn't know your husband was Indian. She laughed and said he wasn't, her husband had died a few months back. I had never known. Well, one thing led to another, and we started dating that night. Still it wasn't a case of love at first site. I liked Sharon and realized she was very pretty, but I didn't fall in love with her until a couple weeks later once she read me her poetry. The raw power and emotion in her poetry spoke to me. The fact that she was willing to share it with me also made me feel a great attachment to her. I fell in love. About three weeks after that, she moved in with me. We were married six months later. Her poetry spoke to me, and my heart realized that I loved the beautiful girl who was reciting it to me. Sometimes our hearts do know what is invisible to the eye. I did know of Sharon's drinking problem before we got married. I married her anyway, figuring we would beat it together. It didn't work out that way. Sharon was ten years younger than me. I always figured it would be her holding me while I lay dying...when we were both old and grey. Instead, I held her as her life ebbed away while we were both young enough not to have too many grey hairs yet (I had many more than her). Sometimes the heart can see what is invisible to the eye. Other times, love is blind. My love was blind to the severity of the problems Sharon had, but my heart could see the beauty within her soul. My two daughters remind me of her daily. A look, a turn of the word, their talents, all remind me of Sharon. What my eyes don't consciously see, my heart knows. Well, so much for having a humorous post. Maybe tomorrow. "It is not what you look at that matters, it is what you see." That is a quote by Henry David Thoreau. I really don't know what to think of Thoreau. In some ways he was a gigantic phony, and in others, he made some good points. The quote above is one of his better points.
It really doesn't matter what you look at, it's what you see while you are looking. Two people can look at the same scene and see two opposite things. As I drive to karate, I can see Mt. Monadnock out in front of me while I also see the road in front of me. I choose to see the beauty in the mountain. The clouds passing over it, the sun glinting off its rocks. Someone else in the car, might see the mountain in the distance, but notice the dead squirrel lying at the side of the road, or the garbage that some slob carelessly threw out his window. At that moment, I might say "Isn't it beautiful!" (meaning the mountain view), while the person next to me looks at me as if I have lost my mind. Neither of us is wrong. We both have looked out the windshield in front of us, and we have both seen different things. It is not what we looked at...it is what we focused on. Over the past couple of years, I have tried to focus my sites on beauty, The natural beauty of the area I live in is breathtaking. That doesn't mean that I am blind to the problems of the world. It just means that at this point in my life, I would rather see the good than the bad. I am happy in my little piece of New Hampshire. At this point in my life, I will let others worry about the world. I will just try to improve the little part of my world where I can actually make a difference. I realize there are foreign wars in foreign lands. I also realize that some of the people in my country feel the need to go fight in these wars. They are not for me. I do not want my daughters to go fight in a foreign land... although I do want them to know how to fight. In case they ever have to protect themselves or their loved ones and property. There is an old poem from the 1930's that started with "What if they gave a war and nobody came?" Everyone likes to throw that line out as if it would mean the end of war. Obviously, they never read the poem. The poem actually says that if you don't fight for your side, then you are actually helping the other side. I think the whole poem is rubbish. Right in the first line, the author, Bertolt Brecht, says what if "THEY" gave a war. That is the problem right there. Most people have no clue as to who they are fighting for. Most just look and say, well if my country is fighting the war, then I am fighting for my country, But are they really? Who decided that our country should go to war? What influenced them? Who influenced them? I think those are very important questions. Particularly since Congress has not declared a war since World War II. How do you see the world? Do you want peace or war? Have we really denigrated that far? Have we really reached the point where war is peace, freedom is slavery and ignorance is strength? George Orwell must be rolling in his grave! |
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