"The best thing that a father can give his daughter is his time." For those of you who don't know, my Dad's birthday was yesterday. He turned 51, and my unprepared self had neither card nor gift ready for him... so before I even get into this post a little bit, I'd like to apologize for that because honestly, my Dad deserves a f*cking island and currently I have enough money in my pocket to maybe buy him a coffee... and honestly, nothing is harder than that because I care a LOT about my Dad. He's one of my favorite people of all time and honestly one of the best friends I could ever ask for, and I couldn't even begin to imagine what my life would be like without him in it. To get back to the quote, I fully agree with it- the best thing a Dad can give to his daughter IS indeed, his time... and my Dad does such an amazing job devoting as much time as he can not only to me, but to my sister as well. He always has, honestly. He's raised me essentially single-handed since I was 7, and my sister has always grown up with him. He's managed to raise us both to be respectful and thoughtful young ladies all while keeping a steady job, keeping us in karate, training with us, helping us learn... and that's BEFORE we get into all the times he's taken us out shopping, hiking, to the park, to museums, to tournaments, and all our little outings in between. As I said earlier, my Dad is my best friend. This shouldn't be news to any readers of this blog; as I've written many posts describing the awesome relationship I have with him and all the ways he's such a great Dad. I won't waste my time here and repeat what's already been said- I'll just re-instate that I truly enjoy his company and all of our trips for coffee, concerts, time spent gaming, shared sense of music, shared sense of humor, time spent watching anime, and even his memes. Instead of finishing up this post with more repetition... here is a slideshow to sum things up.
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""Years of love have been forgot, in the hatred of a minute." That is quote by Edgar Allen Poe... In fact, Maddie used this quote in one of her blog posts earlier today. I wanted to touch upon this quote because I think he got it wrong. Not wrong exactly, but just not quite right.
Years of love can be forgotten in a minute, but I don't think it is driven by hatred. Instead, I think it can be driven by hurt, sorrow, despair, misunderstanding and fear. You see, I've seen it happen, and I know that while it can and does happen, that the love can still be remembered again and acted upon. My wife's illness once drove a wedge between me and her as well as with others in the family as well. Sharon's disease was complex, and difficult for an adult to understand let alone a child. Although her actions hurt her, and ultimately killed her, her action's also hurt other family members. We couldn't understand what made her drink, and her actions and the lies surrounding them definitely led to anger, pain and sorrow. At some points, those emotions would rise up and obscure the love that Sharon had for all of us. It sometimes blinded me to the pain that Sharon was in and the pain that our reactions had on her. You see, the pain worked both ways. We were hurting from her actions and the stress and emotions they brought out in us, and while we witnessed the physical pain her addictions were causing her. The emotional turmoil it was causing her was often overshadowed by our feelings about what was happening to our family. Resentment and anger would come to the forefront and become hard to overcome. Sometimes to the point where it obscured the years of love that were there hiding just beneath the surface. The love was being obscured by the pain that we were all feeling. Anger, and frustration would, at times, seep to the surface, and the years of love were forgotten for a time. To be honest, I think the emotional pain and suffering was felt by all. None of us were immune to its effects. We all suffered our own private hell. What times takes away, it can also heal. I think with closure, memory comes back. At first in trickles and small rivulets, finally in a torrent. While not all memories return, I think enough good ones come back to remind us that love was there, and that it can, with time, overcome despair, anger and sorrow. In the end, years of love cannot be forgotten. Obscured for a short time? Yes. But forgotten completely? I don't think so. In fact, I know so. So don't despair. No matter how much true love can be obscured and forgotten, with time the long years of love will be remembered... and bring comfort. "We don't understand life any better at forty, than at twenty, but by then we realize it and admit it." That's a quote by Jules Renard. Jules was a French author. He wrote poems, short stories, and plays, for the most part, but also had one famous novel. His most-famous work was Carrot Top, if you can believe it.
Renard died at the ripe old age of forty six, so I guess we'll never know if he would have figured it out by sixty. I am now fifty, and I can tell you that my understanding of life is always in flux. Not in a bad way, mind you, but just constantly changing. In general, my understanding of life seems to change every five to ten years. When I was ten, my baseball card collection and my ability to play sports were VERY important to me. I played all of the sports during their seasons, and tried to be as good as I could at each of them. Sports were my world! As I hit fifteen, I became more interested in partying. A lot of the "cool" kids were into drinking, and I foolishly drank along with them. My friends and I liked to get a buzz, and we all couldn't wait until we could get in the bars. By twenty, not much had changed. I was still partying every chance I got, and getting into bars was old hat. New York's drinking age had been eighteen when I turned eighteen, and I was grandfathered in once the drinking age went to 21. I worked in New York during the summer months, so my friends and I took to hanging around Bleeker Street on Friday or Saturday nights during my early twenties. In my late teens and early twenties I stopped drinking for a bit, going so far as to joining AA for a bit. I remember I was sober on my twenty-first birthday. I was stressed out and depressed though, and went back to drinking a few months later. My drinking was different now, though. I was no longer drinking just for the buzz, I knew it was bad for me and I was drinking more out of boredom, or so I told myself. By thirty I was a functional alcoholic. I held a good job at Merrill Lynch and I was looking for a girl to settle down with. I met my wife when I was thirty three and she was only twenty three. She too, had a problem with alcohol, and she asked me to help her stop drinking. I gave up drinking the moment she told me that (July, 1999) and I have not had a drink since. My understanding of life had gone from let's make lots of cash and get a buzz to: "we can have a beautiful life together if we can both quit drinking." Two years later, my first daughter was born, and my priorities grew to include spending as much time with my wife and daughter as possible. I left corporate life in late 2002, and started my own consulting firm from my basement. My life revolved around my wife, my daughter, and my work. In 2009, my mid-life crisis began... although at the time I didn't know it. Sharon and I had decided to have another baby. Sharon had never been able to stop drinking excepts for about two years while she was pregnant with, and then breast feeding Maddie. We had originally wanted to have three children, but stopped after Maddie because Sharon had had postpartum depression and was afraid to have another bout with it. Sharon then began to believe that if she had another child she would be able to stop drinking during the pregnancy again and hopefully stop for good. Her drinking had gotten progressively worse over the years, and Madison had begun to catch on to what was happening. To make a long story short, Sharon was not able to stop drinking, and we put her into an in-patient facility to keep her from drinking while she was pregnant. She made it through the system and returned back home two weeks before she was due with Ashleigh. She started to drink again that evening and the doctors decided to deliver Ashleigh early to help protect her. I brought Ashleigh home from the hospital when she was four days old, She was two weeks premature, underweight and had alcohol withdrawal symptoms. Maddie was home with us too. At forty four, I was raising a new-born baby and a seven-year-old little girl on my own, while also trying to keep my successful business running and keeping the house in some semblance of shape. Let me tell you, my understanding of life, and what truly was important grew in that time period. I am now fifty. At this point, I think there is no one true understanding of life. All of our experiences are too different. The more we share similar experiences, I think the more our understanding of life will be similar. Not the same, but similar. Honestly, I think that part of the reason that the divorce rate is so high is because couples are not able or willing to spend enough time with each other. Their common experiences become fewer and fewer, and they eventually drift apart. So, do I understand life? Nope. I understand what I am doing in my life at this moment, but I have no clue about what awaits me in the years ahead. Lord knows that if you had asked me where I would be in five years at any point in my life from say the age of twenty five on, I would have likely guessed wrong. In the end, life is for living. Have fun, make memories with the ones you love, and pray that you will be able to see them again in the afterlife. Well, here is a weird post for you. One of my favorite characters growing up was Winnie The Pooh. In fact, during college for a time a few of my friends called me Pooh Bear, both for my ability to quote the friendly cartoon bear, and unfortunately for my shape and style of walking after a night of drinking. As an adult, I made sure to raise my daughters with a good dose of Winnie The Pooh. Both had Winnie The Pooh blankets and many of the stuffed animals. In fact, I even sang the Winnie The Pooh song to Ashleigh when she was younger and I was trying to get her to fall asleep. Those facts aside, it took my wife's death to unknowingly teach me the hard way that many of the things the little bear said had a pearl of wisdom hidden within them. Without further ado, here are some of the pearls of wisdom that Winnie the Pooh has uttered over the years that are very true: "Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart." "We didn't realize that we were making memories, we just knew we were having fun." "If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart. I'll stay there forever." "People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day." "I think we dream so that we don't have to be apart so long. If we are in each other's dreams, we can be together all of the time." Promise me you'll never forget me, because if I thought you would, I'd never leave." Piglet: "How do you spell love Pooh?" Pooh: "You don't spell love... you feel it." "How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." Well, there you go! And remember (to quote Eeyore) "It never hurts to keep looking for sunshine."
first
fərst/Submit number 1. coming before all others in time or order; earliest; 1st. "his first wife" synonyms: earliest, initial, opening, introductory I was talking to my friend earlier today and (not too surprisingly) we wound up talking about relationships and love. Before I go one step further with this post; I'm going to ask you to not automatically rip into me for being 14 and talking about this. Age is a number and I try to live by the stanza that age doesn't define maturity. In any case, while we were talking she said something quite interesting that got me thinking. "Your first love isn't really who you first give your heart to, it's the first person who breaks it." I've never really thought of it that way, you know? I think it's simply because first is classed as- well, you can read the definition. Coming before all others in time or order. I guess you just assume that your first crush is your first "love", since love really isn't something to be defined until you meet the one you TRULY love. But I suppose that your first heartbreak would be a good way to class that. Now, despite the fact that love is something hard to pin down- I wanted to talk today about something that IS. While love may be hard to put in a timeline fashion, kisses are not. And while some people may think this is really freakin' stupid, I don't. I honestly don't think your first kiss should be considered your first kiss, you know? I mean yes- in the timeline sense, the first person who kisses you is technically your first kiss but for sentimental purposes, I think your first kiss is the first kiss that is genuine. And by that, I mean the first kiss that isn't completely awkward, forced, and un-enjoyable (as most first kisses tend to be, according to many of my friends and my own experience). By genuine I mean that it should come naturally and should be shared lovingly with someone you actually care about- not grudgingly done with a friend in the back of a crowded car. As of now, I've had my first kiss in both senses- and neither of them have any idea that I have this philosophy OR even who they are. But I know. And at this rate, that's all that matters. - Maddie "Better three hours too soon than a minute too late!" That's a quote by William Shakespeare. Just goes to show that sometimes being a good writer just comes down to saying something in such a way that everyone gets it.
Take the above quote, for instance. What do you think of when you read that sentence? I can almost guarantee that you don't think of the same thing that I do. In fact, you could read that line every day, and, depending on your mood, you may think of something different. If it's early in the morning, and you are in a light-hearted mood, you might think of your first cup of coffee. If you are stressed out, it might remind you of a looming deadline at work. For me, it always reminds me of the same damn thing. And for the rest of my life, I think it always will. You see, this isn't the first time I have read that quote. Indeed, I see it all the time. The words may change a little... or the picture it is attached to. It doesn't matter. No matter how it is presented, it makes me think of my wife, and the things left unsaid between us. My wife's death came as a shock to me. Not that I didn't know she was struggling with problems that could eventually lead to death... I knew that! But just the way it happened. We never think that today may be the last day we see someone. Or, in my case, the last day we can get to say something to them and have them understand. You see, I got to see my wife each day for two weeks while she lay in a coma. She had died three times already by then, but the doctors kept reviving her. To me, those two weeks don't count. For me, the last time I spoke to my wife was on the day before I left for New Jersey with the girls to go to a concert with Madison. This was about two days before Sharon was hospitalized. We had stopped by to say good bye, and we spoke to her for a few minutes. Sharon hadn't been feeling well for the past few weeks and she seemed down. I thought it was because we were going away for a few days. As we got up to leave, Sharon came up to me and gave me a long hug, and whispered I love you into my ear. We were divorced by this time and just giving each other little perfunctory kisses on the cheek when we either came or went... you know, kind of like you do to people who are in your family, but you don't speak to a lot. Thus I was surprised when she did that. I wasn't surprised that she still loved me. I loved her as well. But that she would give me the long hug and say that almost as if she expected never to see me again. I, of course, didn't understand. She was saying her last goodbye. I just didn't realize. Never understood that she was that close to dying. For me, there were so many things left unsaid. So many things that tear me up inside because I was never able to tell her. There is no physical pain that can be worse than knowing you have things that have been left unsaid. Nowadays, I make sure to say I love you to my daughters multiple times per day. I figure it is better to be a lifetime early than even a second too late. None of us really know when we are going to take our last breath. Any of us could die tomorrow. Thus it's better to make sure that you say those things you feel to the people around you. Express love to your loved ones. Friendship to your friends and appreciation for those who help to make your life a better place. You never know when there will be no tomorrow. I learned this lesson a little too late. Don't let it happen to you. They say the early bird gets the worm. To be honest, I think that bird gets peace of mind! This is a quote from the ancient poet Rumi, and oh how true it is. I have to say that for a majority of the day, I've been reading through this guy's quotes- he was a very wise man and I strongly advise you go read some of his writings if you get the chance. However, I could only pick one for this blog post and I went with the one above because I so strongly agree with it.
Right off the bat, I'm going to take "goodbye" as being a notion to death. I suppose this quote could be applied to long distance relationships and such too, but for the sake of simplicity I will use death as the example for this post. I personally believe that death is one of the most traumatic things a person can go through- that and watching loved ones suffer. In my short lifespan, I've already lost 3 family members; one being my mother. I can tell you from experience, it is one of the worst feelings in the world... particularly when you feel you've lacked closure. However, while I got some closure and a chance to say goodbye to my mom, I don't think it's the last time we'll encounter each other. I don't know what the afterlife is or if it exists, but I know that her spirit still exists somewhere. And as long as her spirit exists, I have a firm belief that we will meet again. I still have memories and photos, and my love for her is no less than when she was alive. So I suppose Rumi is right- for those who love with heart and soul, there is no separation- even if the eyes can no longer see the person. Regardless of what happens in the aftermath, memories live on through those you have touched and loved and those who have loved you. And that is comforting enough to me that I do not fear death. -- Maddie "“A lot of people get so hung up on what they can't have that they don't think for a second about whether they really want it.” That's a quote by Lionel Shriver. Believe it or not, Lionel is a woman. She was a tomboy when she was younger and decided to change her name from Margaret to Lionel because she thought the more masculine name was more fitting for her.
Not much for me to say about Lionel, I have never read any of her material and I didn't know she existed until I read her quote. I liked the quote, though, and it got me thinking. I get hung up sometimes... not so much about what I can't have, but what might have been...which I guess IS the same thing after all. A lot of times, I will be sitting around working or listening to music, and something will inevitably remind me of my wife. A memory will be triggered and I will feel a deep well of sadness as I think of the good times we had at one time or another, and then I miss her. At those times, I fail to remember the problems we had and how her illness impacted the entire family. It's the second part of the quote that really got me to thinking tonight. I heard a song and thought of my wife and really missed her. Then I read the quote and I thought "if my wife was still alive, would I be having those feelings right now?" And to be honest, the answer was no. Not because I didn't love my wife, or because I no longer love her, but because before my wife died, I had divorced her to protect my daughters. My wife's alcoholism was out of control (it ended up killing her) and she could not be around my children without another adult present. I brought my youngest daughter, Ashleigh, home from the hospital when she was four days old, and I have raised her on my own until my Mom came to live with us in 2013. My wife spent some of that time in and out of rehab facilities, but mainly was out on her own drinking. Don't get me wrong, my wife loved our daughters. She was just not physically or mentally able to stop her addiction until it eventually took her life. She died of esophageal varices. Scarring, or cirrhosis of the liver is the most common cause of esophageal varices. This scarring cuts down on blood flowing through the liver. As a result, more blood flows through the veins of the esophagus. The extra blood flow causes the veins in the esophagus to balloon outward. Heavy bleeding can occur if the veins break open. Well, Sharon's veins broke open on at least two occasions. The second one that I know of killed her. Sharon already had a damaged liver when we met in 1999. She died in 2013. Ashleigh was born in January, 2010. Sharon's descent into oblivion really rolled into place in 2009, soon after she had become pregnant with Ashleigh. She couldn't stop drinking during the pregnancy. Although this likely sounds hollow, I did not know the extent of Sharon's drinking and its impact on her until she was already pregnant with Ashleigh. I knew she had still been drinking before we decided to have a second child, but she believed that the pregnancy would force her to quit again, as she did when she was pregnant with Madison. Unfortunately, this time she couldn't do it. To protect the baby, we put Sharon into an in-house rehab program at Phoenix House in Keene while she was pregnant to help keep her sober during her pregnancy. She completed the program, but started drinking immediately after she came out of the program, about two weeks prior to when she was to give birth to Ashleigh. She got drunk and broke her ankle on the first night she was home from the rehab. She had gotten the booze in Keene prior to me picking her up at the rehab facility. When we got home, I never thought to look in her bag she had brought from the facility since I picked her up from the facility, and brought her directly home. My daughter was born two weeks premature and with alcohol withdrawal. They sent me home with her at four days old. She was underweight, and needed to be fed every half an hour for the first two weeks of her life. Somehow, I did it while looking for a nanny to help me with the baby, while also taking care of Madison who was eight, and still somehow doing some work for my business. I literally had no sleep for the first four days. On day four, one of the travelling nurses who visited me to make sure the baby was doing okay, called me back that afternoon and offered to watch the girls for me in my house, while I caught some sleep. She came over, and I slept for eight hours. To this day, I still believe that angels sometimes walk among us, and come to help us in our hour of need. Soon after, I hired a nanny and things improved a little bit. For the next three years, my daughters and I struggled with Sharon's illness, I don't want to go into what we all went through. (By all I include Sharon, because she was suffering as well. She was ill, and she was missing her little girls. The emptiness only added to the stresses that triggered her drinking.) Looking back now, it seems like our days were filled with policemen, ambulances, hospitals, lawyers, doctor's visits, court visits, and of course, drunken interludes by Sharon. To this day, when an ambulance passes us in either Rindge or Jaffrey Maddie and I look at each other. When Sharon was alive, we looked at each other because we wondered if it was Mom being brought to the hospital again (oftentimes, it was). Now, we just look at each other just to silently say we remember. I can no longer see an ambulance without thinking of my wife... even though she has now been dead for three years. So anyway, what about the quote? When the song played tonight, and I thought about my wife, I realize that she is dead and can't come back. I recognize that, yet I still remember our good memories. The bad ones I mentioned above, I try not to think of any more. Yet soon after those good memories hit, I read the above quote and I thought: "If Sharon could come back, just the way she was, would you want her to come back?" And my answer to myself was no, I wouldn't. Because although I have a tendency to remember our good times together, if I think deeper, I remember all of the unhealthy things that my daughters saw and experienced. And I would never want to expose them to that again! Ashleigh was very young then, and barely remembers her Mom. She did not understand any of the bad things that went on, and I'd like to keep it that way until she is older, and inevitably asks me about her Mom. Maddie does remember, though, and I never want to expose her to anything so tragic and psychologically damaging again. To wit, be careful what you sometimes long for, because not everything you might want or miss is good for you or your loved ones around you. Sorry for the long, weird post... But it's what was going through my mind tonight, and sometimes I need to think out an explanation for myself. To be a loving girl you can pick flowers for someone. You can say something nice to be
loving. You can draw something to be loving. And you can take care of somebody to show your love. Ashleigh "No one saves us but ourselves. No one can, and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path." This is a quote from one of my favorites...Buddha. There is not much I can say about Buddha, other than he was a very wise man. Oddly enough, there are no known writings of Buddha. Everything we know about him was written down after his death. In fact, it was about 400 years before anyone had put anything to paper. Given that's the case, I think many of his sayings could be made by his acolytes as well and then just attributed to Buddha. At any rate, it is very hard to tell. What can be told is that he is the spiritual leader of his own religion.
To get back to the quote, the first line really stands out to me. I have seen this one in action both in regards to me, and my wife, among others. No one can save you unless you want to be saved. When I first met my wife, we dated for about two weeks before she told me she was an alcoholic. At that point, she asked me for help in stopping. The problem was, she didn't really want to stop. She was using the alcohol to self medicate herself from some of her other anxieties and addictions. My wife had addictive personality disorder. She struggled with anorexia, binge eating, compulsive buying, hoarding, jealousy, gambling and other behaviors. It was both sad and scary. We did not know that all of these behaviors were tied together. We tried to battle the alcoholism and the anorexia, and I always found it a good sign when she ate heartily (it wasn't). It oftentimes led to binge eating when I wasn't around, and eventually to depression as she gained weight. This inevitably led back to drinking as she tried to regulate her mood or her appetite with the booze. I could not save her... although I naively tried. I didn't know the extent of her problems and I did not know or believe that she had to do it on her own. I swept the house for bottles, took her to doctors and psychologists, social workers and AA meetings. Nothing worked. I was often told that she had to hit bottom to be helped. That is a large crock of bull. The bottom for my wife was when she died. By that time she had lost her husband, her family, and her happiness. No one saves us but ourselves... it is so true. But don't be afraid to be there for someone and to bring them to people and places where they may be able to learn how to save themselves. It is one thing to have to save yourself... but it might be impossible to do if you are never given hints on how to do it. When my wife (then my girlfriend) asked me to help her to stop drinking back in August of 1999, she helped me to save myself. You see, I too was an active alcoholic at that time. I was functional, and more of a heavy binge drinker (weekends mainly), but I had been drinking fairly regularly since my preteens and I put myself into AA when I was nineteen while in college. I was sober on my 21st birthday, but eventually went back to drinking because I felt my social life was suffering without the drinking. I was bored with drinking by the time I was 33, but doing it anyway. I was looking for a reason to stop, and Sharon inadvertently gave me that reason. I have not had a drop of alcohol in nearly seventeen years. And with God's help, I will not have any for the rest of my life. In the end, although I could not save my wife, I ended up saving myself by trying to help her. Sadly, I feel that back then I did not care enough about myself to save myself, but because I cared so much for her, I saved myself to help make it easier to save her. I didn't realize back then that that is what I was doing. I don't think Sharon ever realized it. Since, as Buddha says, "No one can save us but ourselves", maybe it is a good idea if we are having trouble saving ourselves to find something or someone we value more than ourselves to save... as long as in saving it/them we have to save ourselves as well. I know it sounds odd. But it seems to have saved me seventeen years ago. Possibly, if I had suggested that idea to my wife back then, it might have saved her as well. I don't know. And I don't think I ever will know. All I can say is that I am here now. I somehow saved myself way back then. And with the grace of God I will continue to do so... One day at a time. I have two large pet peeves- and those are people who whine constantly; and people who are hypocrites. Make sure you know the meaning of both before reading this post.
Recently, I've seen a situation with my friends that has been annoying me to the max and has just reached a complete breaking point. My friend loves to say that no one loves them, and nothing is farther from the truth. No one has a lack of love; there is always someone who loves you and thinks you're amazing and I don't think enough people in general realize that... not just my friend. There is ALWAYS someone who loves you. It may be a relative, or a friend, or maybe someone you aren't aware of. Hell, it may even be an animal! But there is always someone, no matter what you believe. There is always someone with enough room in their heart for you. And you should never feel like no one loves you. Now, on the other end of the spectrum. I have heard my friends complain that nobody loves them, and then complain that too many people love them! They actually complain that the wrong people love them and I HATE IT. Like no! Be happy that people DO love you! Accept the love. You don't have to accept it 100%; but don't complain about someone else's feelings for you. It's ridiculous. - Maddie Hello! I just wanted to drop a quick post before I left to go get coffee- a few things to think about; if you will. When was the last time you told the person you care about the most... That you care about them?
I know for me that I try to let those around me know that I love them every day. My dad taught me the valuable lesson of always letting people know how you feel... Because tomorrow isn't promised and may be too late. That's why I always hug everyone and give them a kiss before they go to sleep! Because it's good to end the day on good terms. Can you imagine how horrible it would be if someone you were mad at passed away before you got a chance to REALLY forgive them..? I know how that feels... And having no closure isn't pleasant. I don't know. Moral of this post is let others know how much they mean to you. Peace. - Maddie Well, it's that time of year again! Merry Christmas everyone! Thanks for reading! Today I want to talk about Christmas spirit.
I was looking through my Facebook wall and I noticed a post saying that the person didn't really feel like they had Christmas spirit this year. I couldn't believe the number of people who had left a comment below that post saying they didn't feel it either. Most of the comments spoke about not putting a tree up, or not finishing shopping, or being stressed about shopping. No wonder these people didn't feel the Christmas spirit! These people have forgotten what Christmas is all about! And so has my daughter, Maddie by the way. Christmas isn't about shopping, or putting up a tree or even about a birthday really. To me, it is a celebration of appreciation. We celebrate Christ's birthday because we appreciate what he's done for us. He has died for our sins. In essence, he has given the ultimate gift. He has given his life, so that we can have everlasting life. If he didn't do that, then we likely wouldn't celebrate his birthday so widely. We don't celebrate Buddha's birthday, or Shiva's do we? (I would think that most people don't.) We celebrate Christ's birthday because we appreciate the sacrifice he did for us. We give gifts to each other to symbolize the great gift that he gave us all. So, who do we give gifts to? We give gifts to those we love and/or appreciate. This year, I will be giving gifts to my daughters and immediate family, but I also gave gifts to three people at my work who do the leg work for me when I am in press. I do this because I appreciate all of the hard work they do for me during the year. You may notice the same thing about yourself. For example, if you live in an apartment building, you may give your doorman a gift or a tip at Christmas time. I am certain that you don't give a tip to the doorman to the apartment building across the street. Why? Because you appreciate what your doorman does for you and your building...but you don't really appreciate what that other doorman does do you? My advice to you? Forget about all of the talk about Black Friday and "Holiday Spirit". Instead, focus on what you truly appreciate and look upon Christmas as a time when you can show your appreciation for all that you have to appreciate. As a Christian, I appreciate what Jesus did for me and I celebrate it. I say Merry Christmas as a greeting because I think it sounds nice and it reminds me to be more appreciative. I say it to the cashier at the store because I appreciate the fast courteous transaction we just completed...or because we chit chatted in line and made the transaction go a little bit quicker...or sometimes just to make them smile. When someone smiles at me, it makes me smile...which brightens my day. At Christmas time, try to appreciate those around you. It will make gift buying seem less like a chore and more of what it should be... a show of appreciation. And maybe...just maybe you will truly feel the Christmas spirit. And by the way, just because Christmas is the time of year that we usually show appreciation doesn't mean that it is the only time of year where you should feel appreciation. Actively try to appreciate those around you each and every day and you will feel the Christmas spirit throughout the year. Then, when you go to express those feelings at Christmas, you will have a truly amazing Christmas time. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!! (and yes, I did mean to shout that!) What is love? Everybody talks of it, but I believe only about a third of the population actually knows what it is. "Love is the beauty of the soul" seems to me to be a great definition. Many people base their idea of love on looks. While everyone can like someone for their looks, it isn't enough to base love on. Looks fade in time, for everyone (Except it seems for Christine Brinkley. She is now 61 and I saw a picture of her the other day in a bikini and I gotta tell you she is still one hot looking babe!). Everyone knows this is true, yet half the population seems to base who they date on their looks. I sometimes go on to Zoosk.com to check out the single women to see if there is anyone there that lives close by that I would like to date. Three things stand out to me. 1. There is a large number of women who say they won't respond to an email if they don't find you physically attractive. When I see this, I run for the hills. Not because I don't think I am attractive... for a fifty year old guy, I am ok. But because anyone who would outright say that in their paragraph that is supposed to be about themselves is just way too shallow for me. The second and third things I noticed are kind of related to each other too. I found that nearly every lady that has more than one picture of herself up, has at least one shot that I call the money shot. The money shot is the picture of the woman showing off her cleavage. When I am in the supermarket or the mall, I will occasionally see a woman with a lot of cleavage showing. Meanwhile, on Zoosk, nearly every woman has a shot where she is showing cleavage. It's almost as if they believe no one will message them if they don't show a little skin. The final thing that I noticed, and it ties in to the second thing a little bit, is that oftentimes the ones that are very attractive to look at, won't write anything about themselves on their post. I wonder if they are happy with the quality of men who contact them? I like to know something about the woman I date. You know, something about what they think or maybe what they like to do in their spare time... or if they even have spare time. Yet many of them write absolutely nothing! What kind of man are they trying to attract? I have no clue. And personally, I really don't care enough to find out. When I was young, I grew up on the Jersey shore, and there were a lot of pretty women walking around. And although I would hit on some of them, the girls I actually asked out on dates were the ones that I actually got to know a little bit. Looks just weren't enough for me then, and its really not enough for me now. My wife was very beautiful. We started dating when she was 23 and I was 33. Prior to dating, we had known each other a few months at Merrill Lynch. It wasn't until she read me some of her poetry that I truly fell head over heels in love with her though. Here is a picture of my wife and I on our wedding day. To me, she was the most beautiful girl in the world. Not because of how she looked, but because of her soul. When she recited her poetry to me, she opened up and shared a part of her soul with me. It washed over me and bathed me in her inner beauty. It is the beauty of her soul that I fell in love with that day. Any other form of love just won't work. Looks fade over time...conversation gets old...but the attachment to another's soul is something that just won't fade. Familial love is like that too. Your children have a piece of two souls. Their individual souls also carry a piece of each parents' as well. When that parent child love isn't there, it's a sign that maybe the love just wasn't really there for the parents to begin with. There are many reasons to get married. Some marry for money, some marry out of a sense of obligation. Others marry for convenience. There are numerous reasons to get married. And numerous reasons why some people will stay together for a lifetime even if that true soul-touching love isn't there. On the flip side, sometimes marriages break up...even if the couple truly has that soul deep love. They never stop loving each other. They just have to stop living together. The connection is still there. It just needs to be put to the side for whatever reason. If there is any advice I could give my daughters here, it is to wait for your soul mate. Don't fool yourself into love. Don't feel that you have to settle. The man that you fall in love with may not be the boy next door. He may not even live in the same state as you. My wife was originally from England. Surprisingly, many of my friends have married girls from foreign countries as well. Two hearts will find a way. Be open to what your heart tells you. And remember, looks fade! Don't settle for someone who just likes you for your looks. Don't settle just because YOU like someone's looks either. Wait for that spark before you say I do. Surround yourself with people who have the habits and lifestyle that you want for yourself. If you surround yourself with people who bring strife into your life, then it's likely that is what you are going to eventually settle with. Surround yourself with like souls, and there is a better chance that you will find a soulmate. "Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Okay, I hope my headline fooled you into thinking I was going to quote Frank Sinatra. Nope, this is a quote that I can't quite place. I like it though, and I thought it was worth a word or two.
I have had some regrets in my day... a little of each of them. And I must say that the first type of regret does evaporate over time. Meanwhile, the second type can be tricky. Sometimes you get a second chance to do them. Sometimes you don't. For most things, that's okay. But not for all things. For instance, never not tell someone you love that you love them. No matter how mad you may be at them at the time, or how much in a rush you are, make sure to take a moment and tell them that you love them. You never know when someone you love is going to die. We all have this thought in our heads that we will see everybody tomorrow. That is not always the case. Sometimes, the next time you see them, they may be in a coma. Or even dead. It's a little late to tell them how much you love them then. In fact, because this happened to me, I can tell you that it feels a little hollow. You wonder if they know you are there in the first place, let alone that they have heard what you had to say. DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU. I can tell you, this really sucks. And it will stick with you for years. If you love someone, make sure you tell them that. Not just once in a blue moon, but every time you see them. It doesn't have to be in an overly dramatic or mushy way... Just a quick "I love you babe, as you give them a kiss good bye. For one day, it really will be your final good bye, Think about it. Make it a habit. And mean it. This is one regret you can definitely prevent. Not everyone warrants a last goodbye. But if you truly love the person, then you definitely need to make sure that you have said your final goodbye. Not only will it help them be at peace with you, but it will help you to be at peace with yourself! A wise man learns from other people's mistakes and doesn't have to experience the same circumstance to learn from it. This is one lesson that I truly wish I learned from somebody else. Be wise, learn this lesson from me. Tell the people you love that you love them every time you see them. Not only will this help you and them feel good while you and they are alive, it will make sure that you will always feel okay no matter what happens. Learn this lesson NOW! Do not wait to learn it through your own experience! I regret that I had to learn this lesson first hand. Never again! |
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