A smile can go a long way- I think I've realized that today. Today is a stressful day for people- it's Election Day and all of my friends are on edge even though they have no say in what happens. My personal opinion on the elections is that at this rate; our country has already been in the toilet and this election won't change that one way or another. If anything, things will get worse. In any case, that's not what this post is about.
I'm writing this as I sit in the car on the way home from the grocery store. The grocery store was pretty packed today and almost everyone looked like they were upset- workers included. This struck me as unusual; since most of the time the workers at this particular store have a cheery disposition. After about 5 minutes of walking through the clusters of people in the aisles, I decided to make it my mission to smile at anyone who looked particularly unhappy and see if I could make a difference. I tried this for the rest of the time at the store and actually succeeded in making a few people smile back at me. I just can't believe we've gotten to a time where people won't reciprocate smiles. If a random stranger is taking time out of their day to smile at you- you could at least somewhat acknowledge their effort. That being said, I do recommend smiling at strangers. You never know the impact something so small could have on someone's outlook for the day. An example of this? I had mild anxiety in the store due to the amount of people, so in the beginning I imagine i didn't look too happy myself. However, 3 people complimented my hair and it really made me smile- particularly since I put a lot of effort into making my hair look nice. It's the little things, folks. - maddie
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"We don't understand life any better at forty, than at twenty, but by then we realize it and admit it." That's a quote by Jules Renard. Jules was a French author. He wrote poems, short stories, and plays, for the most part, but also had one famous novel. His most-famous work was Carrot Top, if you can believe it.
Renard died at the ripe old age of forty six, so I guess we'll never know if he would have figured it out by sixty. I am now fifty, and I can tell you that my understanding of life is always in flux. Not in a bad way, mind you, but just constantly changing. In general, my understanding of life seems to change every five to ten years. When I was ten, my baseball card collection and my ability to play sports were VERY important to me. I played all of the sports during their seasons, and tried to be as good as I could at each of them. Sports were my world! As I hit fifteen, I became more interested in partying. A lot of the "cool" kids were into drinking, and I foolishly drank along with them. My friends and I liked to get a buzz, and we all couldn't wait until we could get in the bars. By twenty, not much had changed. I was still partying every chance I got, and getting into bars was old hat. New York's drinking age had been eighteen when I turned eighteen, and I was grandfathered in once the drinking age went to 21. I worked in New York during the summer months, so my friends and I took to hanging around Bleeker Street on Friday or Saturday nights during my early twenties. In my late teens and early twenties I stopped drinking for a bit, going so far as to joining AA for a bit. I remember I was sober on my twenty-first birthday. I was stressed out and depressed though, and went back to drinking a few months later. My drinking was different now, though. I was no longer drinking just for the buzz, I knew it was bad for me and I was drinking more out of boredom, or so I told myself. By thirty I was a functional alcoholic. I held a good job at Merrill Lynch and I was looking for a girl to settle down with. I met my wife when I was thirty three and she was only twenty three. She too, had a problem with alcohol, and she asked me to help her stop drinking. I gave up drinking the moment she told me that (July, 1999) and I have not had a drink since. My understanding of life had gone from let's make lots of cash and get a buzz to: "we can have a beautiful life together if we can both quit drinking." Two years later, my first daughter was born, and my priorities grew to include spending as much time with my wife and daughter as possible. I left corporate life in late 2002, and started my own consulting firm from my basement. My life revolved around my wife, my daughter, and my work. In 2009, my mid-life crisis began... although at the time I didn't know it. Sharon and I had decided to have another baby. Sharon had never been able to stop drinking excepts for about two years while she was pregnant with, and then breast feeding Maddie. We had originally wanted to have three children, but stopped after Maddie because Sharon had had postpartum depression and was afraid to have another bout with it. Sharon then began to believe that if she had another child she would be able to stop drinking during the pregnancy again and hopefully stop for good. Her drinking had gotten progressively worse over the years, and Madison had begun to catch on to what was happening. To make a long story short, Sharon was not able to stop drinking, and we put her into an in-patient facility to keep her from drinking while she was pregnant. She made it through the system and returned back home two weeks before she was due with Ashleigh. She started to drink again that evening and the doctors decided to deliver Ashleigh early to help protect her. I brought Ashleigh home from the hospital when she was four days old, She was two weeks premature, underweight and had alcohol withdrawal symptoms. Maddie was home with us too. At forty four, I was raising a new-born baby and a seven-year-old little girl on my own, while also trying to keep my successful business running and keeping the house in some semblance of shape. Let me tell you, my understanding of life, and what truly was important grew in that time period. I am now fifty. At this point, I think there is no one true understanding of life. All of our experiences are too different. The more we share similar experiences, I think the more our understanding of life will be similar. Not the same, but similar. Honestly, I think that part of the reason that the divorce rate is so high is because couples are not able or willing to spend enough time with each other. Their common experiences become fewer and fewer, and they eventually drift apart. So, do I understand life? Nope. I understand what I am doing in my life at this moment, but I have no clue about what awaits me in the years ahead. Lord knows that if you had asked me where I would be in five years at any point in my life from say the age of twenty five on, I would have likely guessed wrong. In the end, life is for living. Have fun, make memories with the ones you love, and pray that you will be able to see them again in the afterlife. "Only the hand that erases can write the true thing.” I like this quote. Again, this quote lends itself to Buddhist thought and the way of Zen. In fact. it's almost a koan in and of itself!
Funny, this quote is by Meister Eckhart, a German theologian and philosopher who was tried for heresy by the Catholic church. In other words, he was very far from being a Buddhist! I am also fairly certain that his meaning for this quote was much different to the meaning I am going to give it. I view the quote as one of the steps toward gaining enlightenment. What is the true thing? It is nothing. And Everything. There is no past. There is no future. There is just the present. Although we all hope that we will live for a long time, there is no guarantee. All we have is the present. The now. In the end, we have our minds, and that's about it. We have what we are doing right now. And nothing else. Although there are alternatives to what I am doing right now, I am not doing them. Thus, they do not really exist anywhere but in my mind. And the potentials that those actions may produce, are only that. Potentials. The body is made up of a number of living cells. And yet we recognize ourselves as only one. If we lose a limb, it is detached from us, and withers and dies. Meanwhile the rest of us lumbers on. A little inconvenienced, but still alive and able to function. In the end, our possessions do not matter. We cannot take them with us. We spend all of our lives collecting this or that and actually saving it, expecting it to give us happiness. And yet, in the end, we all return to the source. Our survivors throw what remains away. And we return to the nothing, as if we were erased from history. My mom has been passed for 3 years now... it's crazy to think that I was only 11 when everything happened so fast. Before my mom died, she taught me a lot about being a good person- and I've found she's taught me a lot more since her passing. This post isn't going to be long, or drawn out. It's simply going to be the wisdom I've learned from my mom. Enjoy... hopefully you can incorporate some of this into your own life.
Before Don't judge others based on appearance. Give people a chance and get to know them for who they are. Be kind and accepting. A nice word goes a long way and sometimes you'll never realize the impact you have on someone. Don't see every situation as being the worst. Try to find the good in everything, no matter how bad it may seem. Try your best at whatever you do. Treat others how you would want to be treated. Be honest. After... Don't ever take anything for granted. You never know when you can lose it. You don't know what you have until it's gone. Never hesitate in telling someone how you really feel about them because you DO NOT KNOW how long you have left to do so. Never go to bed angry with someone you care about. Don't waste your time foolishly. If you need help, don't be afraid to ask for it. However... no one can help you if you won't help yourself. Don't blame yourself for the mistakes of others. Choices you make now will affect your future whether you're conscious of it or not. In the end, love is all there is. "And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure if the storm is really over. But one thing is certain- when you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person that walked in. That's what this storm's all about." - maddie "Live to the point of tears" is a quote by Albert Camus. Albert was a philosopher and journalist, best known for opposing nihilism and helping to develop the philosophy known as absurdism. To tell you the truth, I don't know what to think of Camus> He was a socialist and a philanderer, and while he seems to have had some good ideas... I don't think he lived them. Instead, he just seemed to have paid lip service to them.
To get back to his quote, Camus held the position that life had inherent worth, even if it had no inherent meaning. He could not find meaning in life. But to him that was its beauty. His quote above is essentially saying live life to its fullest. Don't look for meaning, for you may be disappointed to find there was none. Instead, life went on in spite of the lack of meaning. And to Camus, that was its beauty. So many people relate tears to sadness, that they forget that tears happen with nearly all emotions. Happiness, anger, joy melancholy. Hell sometimes I just cry when I am thinking. What Camus is saying is to experience life to its fullest. The meaning of life is thus then different for everyone. There is no right or wrong. There is just life. And to experience it to its fullest is the only meaning one needs to find. The meaning in Camus' life was surely different than the meaning I find in mine, or you find in yours. While there may be similarities between the meanings in peoples' lives. Meaning is subjective to our experiences. And since we all experience things in different ways, its highly likely that the meaning of most emotionally loaded words will be different for us all. Live to the point of tears my friends. And enjoy the ride! Above is a picture of my driveway. And to me, it is one of the most beautiful things in the world. Not the pavement itself (I am not THAT crazy), but the way it fades away into the woods. It reminds me of a line in one of my favorite poems by Robert Frost, about the road less traveled.
There is beauty to be found in going ones own way. Too many times, I have been lured towards someone else's sense of beauty, and been disappointed. Not that what I saw wasn't beautiful... just that it wasn't really for me. Cities that I have been told are exciting or quaint, just end up being another overpopulated shit hole. Meanwhile, cities that I have been told I would hate, oftentimes hold good memories for me. Maybe it was because I went in fearing the worst, and then found things less bad than I thought (All except for Detroit... That town I was told was a hellhole and I found everyone was right about that one! I have fond memories of Cleveland, Pittsburgh and Cincinnati, yet remember being disappointed in San Francisco, Philly and Las Vegas. Phoenix and Nashville were both full of charm, while I found Miami, Baltimore and New Orleans a bit worse for wear. I am sure others may find my opinions backward. As I said, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It is rare that I find cities beautiful. Instead, I like scenes that are closer to what my driveway looks like. Since I was young, I have always had a desire to run away to the woods and recharge. I used to love to go up to my Aunt and Uncles farm in Canada when I was a kid. In my teen years, I would often go hiking by myself or with my dog in Hartshorne Woods. The trail was about 3 and a half mile and ran in a loop. You could walk from Navesink all the way to Twin Lights if the mood struck you. Oftentimes, I would go right before sundown. If you walked up the right loop of the trail you could branch off and walk up a steep incline. Once you made it to the top, there was a big rock (or group of rocks, it's been a long time) that would let you look out over what I always called the Buttermilk Valley. Oddly enough, I don't know if that is what it was really called or not. It must have been, because I likely would not have come up with such a sappy name for it on my own! Even so, I would often hike up there alone with a small cooler or a cigar or pipe, and sit at the base of the large rock and watch the sun go down over the valley. It wasn't a perfect view, but it was a nice view and it was very peaceful. I'd sit there and watch until dusk started to fall and the shadows were getting long. Many times, I would go down the hill again practically in the dark. I didn't mind. I enjoyed catching a buzz up there alone in the quiet. Sometimes I would hear people above me on the rock. Sometimes they would smell my cigar or pipe and stop down to chat. That was okay too. I'd share a beer with them and talk awhile. But the best times were when no one bothered me, and I got to sit there and enjoy the view with my own thoughts. I find my home at the top of "my" mountain has the same feel for me. I do not have a view overlooking the mountains or a valley. In fact, I am surrounded by trees, But I still love to look out the window of my office, or go stand on my front porch and look out over my yard and into my woods. I like to feel the sun on my face (or a brisk wind) as I stand and listen to the wind blow through the pines. The peacefulness I get from that just can't be found in the city. Do I ever miss the city? Yes, sometimes. I still like to go to museums or go to concerts etc. and for that, cities are useful. People watching is also usually more fun in the city too... since you get a hell of a lot more variety. But even so, I would not trade my little slice of heaven for an apartment anywhere near the city. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and for me, I have found that beauty in the hills of New Hampshire. "To be at ease is better than to be at business. Nothing really belongs to us but time, which even he has who has nothing else." That is a quote by Baltasar Gracian. Baltasar was a Jesuit monk during the 1600's and happened to write one of my favorite books, The Art Of Worldly Wisdom.
The book is a masterpiece made up of about 300 maxims and his thoughts on them, giving advice on how to live fully and advance socially. Although the book was written over 360 years ago, many of its ideas still resonate today. In fact, I gave this book to Madison to read while I was home schooling her, and I plan to do the same with Ashleigh. To get back to the quote, I believe he is just stating the obvious. Even so, I think people have to be reminded of this from time to time. I know I do! Oftentimes, I find myself getting thoroughly engrossed in my work. I do research for a living, and I find the work both challenging and interesting. Still it is my work and NOT my life. Sometimes I need to step back and remind myself of that fact. Otherwise I find more and more of my time working on the computer and not doing things with my family. While it is nice to make enough money to live comfortably, it is not really living if you do not set aside time to actually live! Going forward, think about something you would have liked to have done with your family when you were a kid... and then do it with yours! Life is too short not to make memories. Your children's memories should not just mainly be with their friends! Take the time to get to know your children and do things with them. When I am old and dying, I do not want one of my regrets to be "I wish I had spent more time teaching my children what I found important in life." What is important in life to me ARE my children. And I want them to have as many great experiences with me as they can. No regrets people. We are all given the same amount of time each day. Use that time wisely, and make sure to leave some time each week to make memories for both you and your children. THAT is my meaning of life. Okay, I am going to start tonight off with a rather longish quote by Blaise Pascal. Don't worry, although the quote is about a belief in God, I am not going to get all preachy here about any particular religion. No, instead I am going to try and tie them all together.
The quote in question is: "Belief is a wise wager. Granted that faith cannot be proved, what harm will come to you if you gamble on its truth and it proves false? If you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing. Wager, then, without hesitation, that He exists." I like the quote. While he speaks of believing in God, he doesn't come right out and tell you which one to believe in. I don't know about you, but I have a tendency to separate my faith from my religion. In essence, I am a consumer of religion. I do go to church and I am catholic. Still I find my faith in God is more internalized and less about something I get in church every Sunday (or at least enough Sundays that it feels like every Sunday... okay, MOST Sundays!). I believe that for me to be true to my faith, I need to live my faith. I don't need a church to do this. I need respect and kindness for others; a kind word, a helping hand... I need to treat people as I want to be treated, and I need to be peaceful above all else. Sure, I have my moments where everything doesn't go as planned. It is part of being human. I don't allow that to shake my belief that there is a higher power than me out there. Marcus Aurelius said it best in my opinion. ""Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but...will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones." This is my philosophy. Live a good life and have faith in a higher power. Call it what you will, but to me, it is God. I don't know what to write about... so here are some of the weird questions that have been on my mind today. See if you can answer any of them in the comments; it'd really help me out. Bring me some peace of mind, you know what I mean? Also; if anyone has odd or troublesome questions... they can drop them in the comments and I'll try to answer them.
Here we go! Why do people think social status is so important; especially within school systems? Like honestly... who cares what lunch table you sit at or what clique you're involved with as long as you're with the people you like!? In a few years after graduation; chances are you'll never have to deal with the people you went to high school with ever again; so what's the point in stressing over popularity? Unless you're popular with truly popular people (i.e. people who are famous, etc.) your status won't matter much later in life. Enjoy your years, don't waste them worrying about pointless shit like a seat in a cafeteria. Why do people take young relationships so seriously? Honestly, this thought bothers me the most. I understand- your significant other is important. But at the young teen years; you have to realize that there is an extremely slim chance that the person you are dating will be "the one". I see so many of my friends grow deep attachments to their first or second boyfriends at the ages of 13 and up... and it's really disturbing to me. I mean, I'll have fun in my relationships... but I always set boundaries on how many feelings I can have and I never get OVERLY attached because I know that there's a slim chance it'll even last a few months, let alone any longer. Those were really the only two things bothering me today... if anyone would like to add to what I've already said; I'd love to hear it. For now, Peace (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧maddie ✧゚・: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ) What is the meaning of life?
It is not to find love, or to be loved. Because all love ends at some point; either stolen by death or by another. It is not to find someone to share life with, because in the end, all we have is us. It is not to always win and dominate everything; for living life in such a way would lead to great disappointment. It is not to always help others; because being too kind will get you stepped on and used. It is not to be alone... loneliness can drive one to insanity. I believe that the meaning of life is not one thing, but many. To be wise, but not to a fault. To be smart (there is a difference between being wise and being smart). To be kind and generous, with limits. To be accepting and loving, because who are you to judge others. To know when judgement is proper. To be peaceful, with both others and yourself. To be happy in ways that won't bring others down. To share your life with others; without being dependent on them. To be harmonious. These are the values that I believe make our lives complete. No one can truly master all of them; but the best we can do is try. Try to improve yourself every day, and live your life in the best way possible. Stay happy. - Maddie “Time is a river, a violent current of events, glimpsed once and already carried past us, and another follows and is gone.” Yep, that's another quote by Marcus Aurelius. I would have liked to have met the man. He certainly had a lot of interesting things to say. Even better, he wrote them down... or someone did.
I think at one time or another, all of us say something that should be written down. The problem is, no one does, and so our great pearls of wisdom are lost to the river of time. All of us have some wisdom to share. Oftentimes, our wisdom is wasted on fools, or is thrown out to those who really don't deserve it to begin with. Time really is like a river though. It flows past us. Sometimes it seems to move slowly. Other times it is a fast-moving torrent. Memories seem to be the eddies of the time stream. I should know, I get caught in them constantly...sometimes tortured by them. Over and over round and round the same memories flow through my mind. Sometimes they work to boost me up and push me forward with my life. But, alas, the same memory will then drag me back to where I have already been. Reliving a moment does no good. The outcome can't be changed. How I wish that all of my memories would bring smiles to my face. Life would be much easier if all memories could be good ones. They can. My memories can make me smile, but then that same memory can bring a tear to my eye. An eddy, that never allows you to break free totally. Men have been on this planet for thousands of years. And we think we know what they did and how they lived. And yet, most of us don't even know how are neighbors live. I have a diary I tried to write about ten years ago. In it are ramblings that I thought would remind me of what I was doing. What a farce! I look back at it now and most of it is bullshit that nobody would ever want to read after getting through the first page or two. Hell, I find it boring and I wrote it! For every moment, there is a season. And once that season passes, those moments slip away to be forgotten. Very little of what I wrote about makes up my current memories. Long-winded lines of things that were on my mind then (similar to this, I guess). Nowhere are the memories that I remember back on now. My daughter grabbing my finger just minutes... no seconds after she was born. My daughters first word, shouted over and over again in the local Taco Bell... Da! Da! Da! Da! Da! (Oh, how those moments mean so much to me!). My wife, sitting on a couch beside me reading me her poetry. This was just after we had our first date. My realization that I was falling madly in love with her. Memories of a golden retriever that wanted nothing more than to be by my side. Time, we are in the stream but for a moment. Yet in that moment we must make memories that last for eternity. What memories do you want on your mind at the moment when you will cease to exist? Time is a man-made construct. We are all allotted our time in the sun. What is the meaning of our lives? The meaning is up to you. The meaning of life is to give your life meaning. The saddest thing is to see someone pass away before they figure out that meaning. |
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