"The mind is everything. What you think, you become." That's a quote by Buddha. To a certain extent, he is right. You do have the potential to become whatever you think. It takes more than thinking, though. The thinking needs to be followed up with concise actions toward your goals.
When I was a child, I wanted to be an archeologist. I found the past very interesting and always though that digging up a treasure or a dinasaur would be really cool. As I grew older, I didn't think that there would be enough money in archeology, though, to raise a family or do other things away from archeology, so I looked for a career where I could make good money and have the time to raise a family. I decided on a career in finance, and the rest is history. I never pursued classes in history or hobbies where I could go on archeological digs. I did take classes in finance, and look for jobs where I could gain experience to work as a stock analyst. And so as I thought and acted, so I became. Even so, I think Buddha was talking at a deeper level. I really don't think he had careers in mind when he threw out that quote. I think he was talking about the full human experieince. Think peaceful thoughts, and you would inevitably become a peaceful person. Think evil thoughts, and you had a greater chance of becoming evil. What mattered to Buddha is what you are as a person and what you become... Not careerwise, possibly not even in this lifetime... but for all time. Buddha was concerned with Nirvana. Nirvana is "a transcendent state in which there is neither suffering, desire, nor sense of self, and the subject is released from the effects of karma and the cycle of death and rebirth." It represents the final goal of Buddhism. I don't know about you, but I am far from a state of Nirvana. Pleasure, pain, happiness, sadness... I expereince all of those emotions, and more, on a nearly daily basis. I want happiness for my children, and I want the end of sorrows. Not just my own, but everyones. Although I have meditated in the past, I meditated to explore my mind. If I had reached Nirvana, it would have been to marvel at it and the incredible feeling it must (in my mind back then) bring about. By thinking that Nirvana was a buzz or a trip, I nearly guaranteed that I would never experience true Nirvana, no matter how much I meditated! Now, although I know what Nirvana is truly supposed to be, I don't try to attain it. I am not ready for it. Instead, I want my girls to experience life, and enjoy it. I want them to be happy and avoid as many pains as I can help them to avoid. I want them to learn ... and love learning. Instead, of wishing Nirvana for them, I want them to be, and experieince all that life has to offer them. I want them to live on their own terms. The mind IS a beautiful thing. Think and you will become. I thought, I think, and I became. I shouldn't ask for anything else. But I do!
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"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." This is a quote by Anais Nin. Nin was an essayist and a polygamist, if you can believe it. She seems to have been a very loose character, even before taking a second husband. In either case, I am not here to write about her forgettable morals. Some people are better off forgotten, and I believe that Nin is one of those best forgotten, so if you are interested in her, look her up yourself. I'll waste no more of my time with her!
Now, as for her quote, I'd have to say its true. What is not true, though, is that phony experiences can be used in place of true courage. So many people nowadays go about accumulating experiences that are, for the most part, safe, yet are marketed as dangerous and exciting. Does a person really show courage by going on a roller coaster, or by bunge jumping? I would argue that the answer is no. People go out to do these experiences to show their courage, yet they are too afraid to tell anyone how they truly feel. Instead of having the courage to be themselves, they safely emulate styles they are told are rebellious. Have you noticed the large number of tattoos and piercings all around you now? Or how everyone now feels comfortable calling others names, just because they don't agree with what they feel is right? Real courage has nothing to do with any of that. Real courage has nothing to do with changing your style of dress or adornment to fit into a group. It has nothing to do with driving a fancy sports car, or causing trouble. Courage has everything to do with being yourself and treating everyone with a modicum of respect. Courage has to do with doing what you believe is right, even if it is an unpopular opinion. True courage will expand your life because you won't let fear hold you back from doing what you believe is right. True courage will allow you to talk to people regardless of what the group you hang around with thinks. And true courage will expand your life by allowing you to experience more of everything since you won't be hiding behind anyone else's ideals. True courage is peace over power and not just doing something because you can. It is doing what you can, without intentionally hurting anyone else around you. While Nin gave a nice quote above, and likely thought she was the embodiment of her quote, her actions hurt others (her first two husbands whom she cheated on) and actually diminished her and her works in my view. In the end, I think Nin was weak and a coward. And I really wish that a more courageous person had uttered those words. In your life, have the courage to lead by example. To say what you believe is true, but still have the tact to say it without hurting someone else just because you can. Courage comes in many forms. The best courage, in my opinion, is when you can be yourself, do what you like and not hurt others in the process. Have the courage to treat others how you would like to be treated. Don't feel that you have to wait to see how they treat you first. Show them how you want them to treat you by how you treat them! "Only the hand that erases can write the true thing.” I like this quote. Again, this quote lends itself to Buddhist thought and the way of Zen. In fact. it's almost a koan in and of itself!
Funny, this quote is by Meister Eckhart, a German theologian and philosopher who was tried for heresy by the Catholic church. In other words, he was very far from being a Buddhist! I am also fairly certain that his meaning for this quote was much different to the meaning I am going to give it. I view the quote as one of the steps toward gaining enlightenment. What is the true thing? It is nothing. And Everything. There is no past. There is no future. There is just the present. Although we all hope that we will live for a long time, there is no guarantee. All we have is the present. The now. In the end, we have our minds, and that's about it. We have what we are doing right now. And nothing else. Although there are alternatives to what I am doing right now, I am not doing them. Thus, they do not really exist anywhere but in my mind. And the potentials that those actions may produce, are only that. Potentials. The body is made up of a number of living cells. And yet we recognize ourselves as only one. If we lose a limb, it is detached from us, and withers and dies. Meanwhile the rest of us lumbers on. A little inconvenienced, but still alive and able to function. In the end, our possessions do not matter. We cannot take them with us. We spend all of our lives collecting this or that and actually saving it, expecting it to give us happiness. And yet, in the end, we all return to the source. Our survivors throw what remains away. And we return to the nothing, as if we were erased from history. "We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell." That's a quote by Oscar Wilde. Meanwhile Buddha states "We create our own Heaven. We create our own Hell. We are the architects of our own fate." And finally, Peter Ustinov states "Since we are destined to live out our lives in the prison of our minds, our one duty is to furnish it well."
There are other quotes I could have used here, but these seemed to really catch my attention. None of these people seem to believe in the Christian version of hell. With Buddha, it's really not surprising since he wasn't Christian. As for the other two, I really don't know what religions they followed. It doesn't matter really. When I think about those quotes, I don't think about where we go after we die. I think about my current circumstances here on earth. Truly, what we think is what we make. If our thoughts are constantly negative, then that is what we get. It is hard to appreciate beauty, if we surround ourselves with ugliness. It is hard to be happy if we surround ourselves with strife. The more I think about it, the more I believe that we really do have a choice while we are here on earth. Sure some things will happen that are really horrific and outside of our control... earthquakes, fires, hurricanes, etc. But for the most part, we do not live those things every day. What we live every day can be our heaven or our hell. It really depends how we view it. While I know that no one is absolutely happy all of the time, I honestly believe we can be happier most of the time. It really depends on how we view what is around us. Furnish your prison well, that way what could be a hell instead turns more heavenly. Let your actions guide you to your promised land. Surrounding yourself with negativity will make it very hard for you to find Nirvana. Meanwhile, surrounding yourself with happy people and actively trying to make others happy as well, should help to ease your burdens. I know that each day I look for little things to find pleasure in. A moment with my daughters... a hike on a cool fall day. A hard work out at the dojo. All these things make me happy. And, while I am looking for these little gems of happiness, if I can also help to make someone else happy, then all the better. I don't know about you, but I will leave all thoughts of the biblical heaven and hell for after I die. In the meantime, I will try my best to live a good, honorable life. Find little islands of happiness in my day to day living, and try to share my small pleasures with others so that they too can experience happiness... even if it is only for a moment. This is our life people. Nothing is guaranteed. Try to be happy now. Do no harm to others and find happiness for yourself and others if you can. Isn't that what a loving God would want you to do? I think so. Live your faith, and live in happiness. "A person's actions will tell you everything you need to know about them... Pay attention!" This is a great quote. And, unfortunately, I have no clue who originally said it. Even so, I believe it is good advice.
I'll give you a couple of examples. Have you ever met someone who would say one thing and then do another? I had a friend who would only say nice things about people in front of their face, but as soon as they were not there, would actively plot against them to cause them grief. When I first saw this in action, I thought that it was only a one off, that something must have happened that I didn't know about and that he must have gotten angry and was just venting. It was not always overt. Sometimes, he would say this stuff to only one person at a time... trying to get them to turn against the other person. Many times, he would lie or use a half truth to get another person angry at his target. But always, he would slowly lead the brunt of a group of friends to turn against the other person. I saw this in action, and I thought that as long as I was cognizant of what he was doing, it would be alright. And that surely the others could see it to. I was wrong. When I brought this up to a couple of the guys, not only could they not see it, but they disagreed with me wholeheartedly... until they were the target of his wrath. Then they began to see what was happening. At one point, he turned his wrath towards me. I knew what was happening, and decided to avoid him. It didn't matter. He would find things to do with the people I usually hung out with to isolate me. Some of the people he would invite to events he didn't even like. He just invited them along to isolate me from members of the group. Luckily, I hung out with a lot of different people, so it did't bother me too much. I was out of college by then and had numerous friends who only vaguely knew of each other. Still, it was a nuisance when I did want to hang with some of my local friends. Well, things got back to normal soon enough, but I never forgot that action, and kept my distance from him as much as I could. I did not trust him. I do not know about you, but I find it hard to remain friends with someone I don't trust. Finally, I saw a situation where his actions could be brought out into the open in front of the whole group. He had set up to go see one of the other guy's girlfriends while we were all hanging out. He didn't know that I overheard him talking on his phone and that I recognized the girl's voice. He feigned a headache, and we left the bar to drive him home since he did not drive his own car to the club. After driving him home (I was driving that night), I drove around the block and waited up a side street with the guy whose girlfriend he was going to see. This guy never could see anything bad in his "friend" and didn't even realize that the other guy really hated him and looked down on him. At any rate, I told the guy that the "kid with the headache was going to leave from his house and go see HIS girlfriend. Naturally, he didn't believe me. "CL" would never do THAT! Well, sure enough, five minutes go by and "CL"'s car came down the other street. He must of saw us when I turned my lights on, because he shot off down the road at an accelerated rate and turned in the opposite direction from my friend's girls house. It didn't matter. I knew where he was going. I told my friend that he was likely going to the liquor store to pick up some beer and that all we had to do was go wait in front of his girlfriend's house. He was skeptical, but we did it. About ten minutes after we got there, "CL" came walking up the street. He was almost next to us before he noticed my car. We were sitting with the windows open and he turned to us and said, "oh, and don't think I didn't see you down that side street, I did!" And he walked away. My friend was stunned, But he believed me. I then told him everything else I had observed and something clicked in his head. He said, "you know, now that you mention it, I have seen him do some different things to towards others"... and he told me what he observed. He had never put two and two together and figured out the whole story. Not only that, he never even realized that he had been targeted that way too. Once word got out about what happened, none of the regular members of the group would hang out with him any longer. That was effectively the end of that group of friends. We all went our separate ways soon after that. I did notice that some guys who were mutual friends of me and "CL" stopped talking to me soon after that. One actually said, he had heard that I had said something nasty about him. I asked him if he believed that, and he said he did, so I ended that friendship right there. I had never said anything even similar to what he said he had heard I said. "CL" was actively trying to protect his position among of friends. At that point, I didn't care. These people and I were friends because I had met them through him anyway. I didn't want to associate with him, and so I did not care if these people did not want to associate with me. I bring this up tonight since one guy contacted me a year or two ago when he saw my name pop up on Facebook. We started chatting every once in a while, but he lived in North Carolina, and I lived in New Hampshire, so we always knew it would just be causal conversations. He brought up that "CL" had visited him last year, when he had been in the area on business trip. He had always been tight with "CL" and he did not know why we all stopped hanging out together (at least I am quite certain he did not know the real reason anyway). At this point in my life, it doesn't matter anyway. After so many years, I do not want to get into a he said/she said kind of situation. I am glad that this guy contacted me over Facebook, and that he leaves whatever happened between me and "CL" between us. In the end, a person's actions do tell you everything you need to know about them... if you pay attention. What you do with that information is up to you. At age fifty, I find it is best to avoid people whose actions are not up to my standards. I have had enough heartbreak in my life. There is no need to invite strife into my life by allowing those with reprehensible actions to enter into my circle of friends. You learn a lot after fifty years. Hopefully, some of you younger readers can learn a life lesson from this story. Sometimes it is hard to do the right thing. But I find that the sooner you can make that move, the better. "Alter your life by altering your thinking" This is a bastardized quote by William James. James was an early psychologist and a philosopher. Sounds like my kind of guy! He was one of the first teachers of psychology in the United States. He taught at Harvard from 1873 - 1907, but only part of those years were devoted to psychology. He was a strong proponent of functionalism in psychology and pragmatism in philosophy.
I like his quote because it is both simple and true. Before you can make any lasting changes in your life, you need to change your way of thinking. There are two ways that your thinking can change.
The first way I call the "Shit Happens" way of changing your life. These happen to all of us, whether we want them to or not. A good example of this type of change in thinking happens when you age. When you were younger, you may have liked to spend your day running. As you aged, you grew tired more easily and now you only run two times a week to stay in shape. Another example might be that when you were younger you really wanted to be an archaeologist. Yet your first job had nothing to do with archaeology and you just stayed within the industry you started in and are now stuck doing a job that, while you are good at it, bores the hell out of you! The second way of changing your life is more meaningful, in my opinion. This is when you consciously decide that something needs to change in your life and you actually take steps to change it. There are two important parts to this type of change. First, you need to actually think that a change is necessary, but more importantly, you need to act on those thoughts! Alter your thinking and you will alter your life! Te key is you really have to think differently though, starting with the thought that I must act on my thoughts for them to have any chance of changing my life. This is true for both the most minor changes as well as the monumental ones. Do you find yourself unhappy because your friends are? Every once in a while this is okay, since no one's life is always perfect, but if you find that certain friends are always bringing you down because they are never happy, then you need to consciously make an effort to avoid them for a while! Look, it can be hard enough to remain happy when it is just your own emotions assaulting you. If someone else is constantly whining and depressed, it can affect all of your relationships. In those cases, it is best to take a step back and allow that other person to be miserable on their own. Remember, misery loves company. Let them find someone else who is miserable to commiserate with. If you find yourself thinking that that person is impacting your mood, then you need to pair up that thought with an action! Talk to that person. Tell them that you would prefer they put away their troubles when they are around you and enjoy themselves. If you find they cannot do that, then it is up to you to take action and distance yourself from them for a little while. Your happiness might depend on it! I think action is the key missing ingredient in the quote above. You can alter your thinking about everything, and it won't make a difference unless you take the logical action to go along with your change in thinking. Change your thinking, change your actions, and then inevitably, it will change your life. Not all actions will lead to big changes, so make sure that you set your expectations accordingly. Giving up one slice of pizza when you normally eat ten, won't lead to you losing weight. Eating one slice instead of ten always... might. In other words, make sure to have your actions match your expectations ahead of time so that you don't end up disappointed with your results. "You can never step in the same river twice." That's a quote by Heraclitus. This is a great quote. In essence, he is saying that no matter how much you think things stay the same, they are always changing. It reminds me of the quote "the only constant is change." I heard that quote stated by Spock, from Star Trek. I am not sure where he pulled it from, but it has the same meaning.
So many people go through life in a rut, feeling that nothing ever changes. They do the same things over and over again, talk to the same people and never go anywhere new. What these people fail to see is that change is at their finger tips! If you are not happy doing what you do, then very simply do something else! Not happy with your job? Then change jobs or careers. Not happy with what you are eating? Then eat something different! Life really is that simple. The problem is, people are afraid of change. No matter how much they want it, they get frozen for long periods of inaction. They think about change, and then think again. Finally, if they are lucky, they will make a move. In the meantime, they sit around thinking that nothing ever changes. And yet, even in the act of just thinking about a change, things have changed. Think of the quote about the river above. Physically, you could step into the river at the exact same location every day.. and yet, the river would still be different! The water flows down river. The water may have been pure the first time you stepped foot in that river. But the water flowing by that spot where you stepped in is not the same water that you will step in tomorrow. The water upstream may have been muddied by the tread of thousands of feet or poisoned by a careless person. The river has changed... your perception of it has not. Meanwhile, just by thinking about change, you have changed your perceptions. If reality is not changing fast enough for you, then you need to change your reality. By this I mean, sometimes thinking is not enough! If your finger is above a flame, you need to move it or you will get burned. There is no thinking about it. Move it or get burned. If you want change to happen quickly, then you need to take action right away! Be careful though. I find that taking action without thinking it through, particularly on large, life-changing actions can be disastrous. Decide what change you want in your life. Think of a plan that can achieve it quickly for you. And then start acting on that plan, Remember, the only constant is change. Change can happen glacially slow, or it can come quickly. Either way, it is best to approach the changes you want with a plan. "I'd rather be a diamond with a flaw, than a perfect pebble!" That's a quote by Confucius. The meaning of this one seems pretty straight forward to me, but many people seem to get confused by it.
Since that is the case, let's walk through it, starting at its simplest meaning and then walk our way up to how I see it. At the base level Confucius is saying that he would rather have something special, yet not perfect rather than something simple and yet flawless. In the instance of a diamond and a pebble, diamond's are more rare and seemingly more pleasing to the eye than an ordinary pebble. In fact, no matter how flawless the pebble, most people would still rather look at or receive the flawed diamond. This holds true for everything by the way. Think about the food you eat. Would you rather have a meal that has some spice added? Or would you rather eat bland, tasteless food? Now think about people. Would you rather meet someone who is very interesting but a little flawed in one or two areas, or a person who is a perfect bore? I don't know about you, but I sometimes think that is our little flaws that make us interesting to begin with. I'll give you a good example. I know a very sweet girl who is pretty and very witty. She is fine holding up her end of the conversation until you look her in the eye and smile about what she is saying. The minute you do that, she'll continue with her story, but her eyes kind of roll up in her head like a school girl reciting poetry! She'll open her eyes again, of course, but the minute she sees you smiling at her story, her eyes just go back up into the back of her head. To be clear here, I called her a girl, but that is in relation to me. She is probably in her mid 30's. Anyway, I find that eye roll very endearing and i find many of her stories amusing in spite of whether or not they really are or not. Sometimes the flaw makes the diamond. So, would you rather have a flawed diamond as a friend, or a perfect pebble? For me, I'd rather have the special with the flaw than the perfect...bore! "We know what we are, but know not what we may be." William Shakespeare said that little gem. I think he is only part way right though. To prove my point, I want to break the quote up into two parts. Here is my thinking:
Although we think we know what we are, it's been my experience that many people don't really know what they are. I have seen good people who have thought they were horrible people, pretty girls who have thought that they had no self worth except for their beauty and ugly girls who thought they were hot. We seem, in many cases, to be our own harshest critics. This is true for me as much for anyone else. It has taken a long time for me to be able to recognize my own good points, and to toss aside the not so good ones I had been defining myself by. This was a lot easier to accomplish once I gave up booze and smoking. Even now, I find that I sometimes focus more on my bad points and trying to work on ways to fix them, than just enjoying the moment and appreciating my good ones. The second part of the quotation seems obvious to me. We don't know what our potential is. And if we don't try, we never will. No one can say what they can or cannot be. When I was younger, I never would have guessed that I would become a black belt. Although I liked karate movies, it never even crossed my mind to take up the sport. In fact, I didn't even know there were places where you could study karate in the states. How naive I was. At any rate. When Madison turned three, we decided that it would be a good idea to stat her in the martial arts so that she would be able to protect herself once she started dating. After watching her do classes for about a year or two, I decided to start taking classes so that I could continue to help her to train as she advanced in her studies. Working from home is another thing I never thought I would be doing. I always thought I would be in a corporate structure. But again, you never know where you might go, or what you may be able to do until you try. Essentially, I have been working from home for the past thirteen years. Amazing! So. Where will you go? And what will you do? Shakespeare says it best, we know some of what we are now, but we do not know what the future holds, and we do not know what we can do until we try to do it. My advice: Never be afraid to try. If you are trying something that will change your entire life, then you are better off starting small, and building on your small successes. You have your entire life to achieve your goals! No need to get them all completed in one day! What you do need to do, however, is to start. If you don't try new things, then you will never know what you can do. "We all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own." Yep. you guessed it. That's Marcus Aurelius again.
When I read the above quote, I stopped and thought "Why is that I wonder?" He is kind of correct there in what he says. We all, to some extent, love ourselves. There is something about each of us that makes us look out for our own self preservation. At the same time, many of us worry about what other people think of us. I've noticed that since I have moved away from New Jersey, I really don't care how people perceive me. I wear jeans and a t-shirt daily, and I rarely dress up. Back when I worked in New York, I wore a suit nearly every day. Every day when I was in the city anyway. Nowadays, I still wear a suit when I go into the office in New York. The question is why? My employer knows that I do good work for them. My reports rarely need major edits and everything is always in on time. If I went into the office with my full beard and in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, would anything really change? No. And yet, I simply won't do it! People have preconceived ideas about what an analyst looks like. They wear a suit, they are well barbered and they wear nice shoes and a tie. Nothing can be further from the truth though. For the past twelve years, I worked with hedge funds all over the east coast. What I noticed was that nearly none of the analysts and portfolio managers I met with wore a suit regularly. The first time I met them, they usually had a suit on. But after that they usually just wore a polo shirt and khakis (or something similar). These men are some of the top analysts and portfolio managers on the Street. And yet, they did not wear suits on a daily basis. To tell you the truth, I don't think many of my business associates would be surprised or shocked to see me in jeans and a T-shirt. I also don't think they would be surprised to see me with a full beard. So, if the top guys on the Street more often than not dress casually, then why is everyone so worried about suits and dressing nicely. It is because of how they want to be perceived! Not everyone is at a level where they feel comfortable not wearing the "uniform" of their trade. Many firms want their people to look professional... even though the top professionals, for the most part, dress casually most of the time. Don't get me wrong, they do wear suits... but just when they are trying to impress. Most times, when they are not expecting to be seen by people they don't know, they dress more casually. No matter how hard we try people, other people's opinions seem to matter to us. Particularly when it comes to their opinions about us. My advice: Love yourself. Respect your own opinion about yourself. And dress up when you feel there is a need to. The last time I dressed up was a few months ago for my friend's father's funeral. The time before that was in 2014, the last time I went into my office in New York. Some habits die hard! “To live happily is an inward power of the soul.” That is another quote by Marcus Aurelius. Personally, you hear a lot about Buddha, Confucius and Socrates, but none of them seem to hold a candle to Marcus Aurelius. If you have never read his Meditations, then you just don't know what you are missing. It is definitely worth reading some of this guy's thoughts!
This quote is simple and to the point. You don't get happiness from things, you receive it from your thoughts and how you perceive things. Have you ever chased a dream? If so, when you caught it, what did you find? I know for me, that once I got the item of my desire, my eye always turned to something else. Cars, stereos, properties, antiques. It didn't matter. I would set my sights on something, and once I achieved it, I would start looking for something else. It got to the point where I found that I was happiest when I was chasing something...striving for something. The happiness was in the journey, not the destination. In fact, I find I am most happy with the little things in my life. Reading a good book... joking around with my daughters... drinking a hot cup of coffee on a cold day. All of these things give me pleasure. Viewing the woods outside my back window or hearing an owl at night also bring happiness. I no longer look to possess happiness. Now, I just like to experience it in small doses on a daily basis. The satisfaction of a job well done. The pleasure I get in cleaning up my office or spending a moment with my daughters. I live in the moment... and live for the moment. Stop looking for the one thing that will give you happiness. Instead, start recognizing the little things that happen each day that already give you pleasure. Fill your life with these things and you will always be more happy than sad. Sure, I get my sad times and off days... just like everyone else. The trick is to minimize them. If you find yourself worried about something trivial, try to take a broader view of it. In twenty years will this matter? No, what about in five years? A week? Tomorrow? No? Then if it really doesn't have a large impact on your life, then why let it bring you down now? Find a solution for whatever bothers you and deal with it now. That way you can get back to enjoying your day. The power of happiness is within you. If you constantly look for it in possessions, then you will be perpetually unhappy. Enjoy the little things. Then, if something large happens, you will enjoy it all the more, and can file it away with what I hope will be a lifetime of good memories. While some may find this quote confusing... I find it makes perfect sense. Maybe it's because my mind works in odd ways; or maybe it's due to a situation I found myself in tonight... but I understand this quote perfectly. It's by Bruce Lee, by the way. I feel like what Lee was saying was that as long as you can come to terms with your own mistakes... you can forgive yourself. I think that the mistake too many people make with this quote (haha) is that it is forgiveness from others that Lee intended.
This is far from the truth. I believe that Lee was trying to say that no one can forgive you until you forgive yourself; which is very true. I also think that Lee was trying to say that you have to come to terms with your own mistakes; no matter how large they might be or how hard it may seem. You have to look it in the eyes... admit that you were wrong... and forgive yourself. And sometimes; I truly believe... admitting to yourself that you were wrong is the hardest part. - Maddie I love this quote so much because I see the effect of it all over. Too often, people set large goals and only look at the goal... not the steps that it takes to get there. This leads to discouragement because the goal is usually too large to achieve in a short period of time and in only one step. Then, they give up on their goals and let everything slide and it becomes pointless to them. One of the most important parts of achieving goals... is what you learn and gain along the way to that goal. To achieve most goals, you have to make some form of self-improvement and all in all, that is what is most important... not the goal itself.
The same can be said of life. Too many people rush through life looking for simplicity and happiness, and they rush so fast to grow up that they forget to live and enjoy life. Between the ages of 22-25, our cells start dying. From that age on, we are progressively DYING. Let that sink in. Life isn't as long as it may seem and the older you get, the quicker the years go by. Before you know it, all your time has run out and you never stopped and enjoyed life for what it was. You never took time to smell the roses. On people's deathbeds... no one is thinking of what they could have done more of. That last vacuumed floor, that last report written... no. People regret not having enough time doing what they loved with the ones they loved. And we all need to learn that. To end this post... I'd like to insert a poem I found online earlier. It suits this post well. So many people walk this earth with purpose in their eyes, But in their heart of hearts they know, what they're living is a lie, the alarm goed off at 6am, like every other day, so they can walk into a job they hate, because they need the pay, all time does is take from them, but it never seems to give, always waiting for the day to come, when they finally start to live, I'm all too scared that one day soon, I'll become just like the rest, Only walking with the crowd, Because my dreams have been oppressed, that one day I'll look back on life, at the opportunities that I missed, And realise I never truly lived, All I did was just exist. (author unknown) - Maddie "Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one." That's another quote by Marcus Aurelius. I have said it before, but this guy truly was brilliant. If you have never read any of his stuff, you should google him and read some of his quotes.
There is just no beating around the bush with this guy. Take this quote for instance. His advice is simple. Be what you believe a man to be. Don't argue about it with anyone. Picture what a man should be in your eyes, and then do your best to live up to your own ideals. It is a brilliant solution for a thinking man. Unfortunately, there are so many people out there, who never think about such things. So many people seem to never think about honor, courage, or principles. Instead, they go through life always looking for the easy way out. They take their definition of a man from what they see on TV or in the movies. Sadly, many of the "men" portrayed on the silver screen nowadays are violent and abusive, not thoughtful and caring. In my opinion, you can't get your definition of a man through soundbites. Being a voyeur for 30 seconds at a clip is no way to become a man. Instead, you need to be exposed to people with principles and see how they interact with the world on a daily basis. A thirty-minute TV show just won't show you enough of what it means to be a man (or woman, for you ladies) so that you can become one yourself. By being a man, I don't mean just getting older. I know 50-year old men, who are only men since they grew older. Most of us can grow old. It does not mean we are men, or that we have grown wiser. Action speaks louder than words and louder than age. To me, real men are honest, have courage, and treat others as they themselves want to be treated. They have morals and treat everyone with a modicum of respect. At the same time, they are still prepared to defend themselves, their families, and their principles when the need arises. All said, don't waste your time arguing with people about what any man SHOULD be. Instead, try to live up to your own ideals and lead by example. "Life is about timing." That is a quote by Carl Lewis. It's simple, to the point, and so true! There is a lot to think about when you say "life". But if you distill it down to the key element, it all comes down to timing.
Take something as simple as crossing the street. If you do it at the wrong moment, you can be struck by a car and killed. Think about when you met your significant other. Remember back to a specific moment that could have changed the outcome of your life. For me, it all came down to a simple walk on the beach. Sharon, Leora myself and one other guy were going to go for a walk on the beach. The two girls and I were hanging out all evening. I had a feeling that Leora liked me while I liked Sharon. I thought that she might have liked me as well, but I wasn't certain. As we took our first steps on the sand, I reached out and grabbed Sharon's hand. If I hadn't, there is a chance that we never would have gotten married. The timing was perfect. Either she would hold my hand and walk with me, or she wouldn't. It was a gamble since we really didn't know much about each other at that point. We both worked at Merrill Lynch... but she was twenty three and I was thirty three. It was a risk worth taking though, since I was very atracted to her. There have been other instances where I have been in the right place at the right time, but that was the most meaningful to me. Other times, I have been places where good things have happened, but I have been a minute or two too late to reap the benefits. Sometimes I have also been at the right place, but at the wrong time. Life is a mystery, but one thing that I have noticed is that when the timing is right, magical things can happen. The best way to increase the odds that good things happen to you is to be prepared to take advantage of opportunities given to you. The best way to do that is to know what you are looking for, and then place yourself in a spot where what you want is most likely to happen. If you want to meet someone who is well read, then you are much better off going to a library or a book store than a bar. While you could meet a well-read individual at a bar, your chances are higher at the book store or library. Another way to improve your timing is to be curious. Questions are an easy way to break the ice, and most people are willing to talk to someone if they believe they can help them out. By being curious and asking questions you can improve your chances of landing job, finding a significant other, or even just a new friend. Be open to new experiences and look for the good in everything and everybody. By placing yourself in new situations, you increase the chance that something new and exciting can happen. Don't get into a rut, and remember. Timing can be everything! "Luck is when preparation and opportunity meet." That's a quote from Pierre Trudeau. He was a long-time Prime Minister of Canada. If you don't know him, his personal motto was "Reason before passion". It is the rare individual who will admit that reason and logic should rule the roost.
Getting back to his quote, I think he is right for the most part. Sure, you will have the odd time when someone will win a lottery or a raffle that will make them a millionaire. And given the odds of winning those things, you would think that luck is something else entirely. But for the most part, the luckiest people you know are those who are in some way prepared to take advantage of opportunities that they are actively looking for. Here's a good example, In 2014, I was in a tough situation. My business was stalled and I was beginning to look for a job, or a new line of business. The problem was that I needed to work from home since my wife had died a year earlier and I had two young girls that I was raising on my own. I was also home schooling my daughters. With that in mind, I had a group of my closest friends come over to the house to go fishing. Although we are all busy and have families, we try to get together every once in a while to fish. Although I invited all of them over to fish, we had a lot of time to talk as well. While talking, I found out that a company I used to work for was looking for analysts to work from home. I immediately told my friend I would send him a resume to put in for me. To make a long story short, I was back working at my old firm within two weeks, from home in New Hampshire. Was it luck? Yes, to some extent it was. I was prepared to find a new job and I recognized the opportunity that was presented to me. I acted immediately once I heard about the opportunity. I still knew about twenty people at my old firm and they all vouched for my work ethic. In this instance, my "luck" was the point where preparation and opportunity met. I have another friend now who is looking for a similar opportunity. I spoke with him just before Christmas. I told him about where I was working and what I was doing and he seemed interested. An analyst had just been fired at my firm and there was an opening. Instead of putting in a resume right away to see if he could get the position, he decided to wait. He wanted to see if he could lose some weight first. "Maybe in the spring" he said. I have no doubt that if my friend puts in a resume, he will have a good chance of getting a position.. if a spot is available. That is the risk. When I told him about it, there was a spot available. When he is ready to put a resume in, there may not be. In other words, my friend saw an opportunity, but was not prepared to act on it. Very few people knew that we had lost an analyst that week. Because he used to work at the company, and still knew people there, he likely would have been a shoe in for a position. If he does put in a resume in the future, he will still have those connections, but what he might not have is an open position to fill. Preparation and opportunity. They are crucial for creating your own luck. "What screws us up the most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be." That little gem is from an unknown author. Well, unknown to me anyway, and also unknown to the person who put the quote up on the quote page I had been reading. No matter who wrote the quote, there was a lot of wisdom bundled up in that one short sentence! We all have pictures in our heads of how life is supposed to be. Yet many people feel cheated that their lives are lacking a lot of what they expected it to be. Why is that? I think the picture above is a good example of that. That picture is my front yard. When someone asks me to think of home, that is usually how I picture it. I see myself sitting on my front porch, enjoying a slight breeze or maybe playing frisbee with my daughters barefoot out on the lawn. That is how I like to picture it. The problem is, that that isn't the reality. Reality is that I spend more time mowing that lawn than I do playing frisbee (which I have never done there anyway). Secondly, it would take a brave soul to walk barefoot there since my dog uses it as his private toilet. Lots of dog poop hidden among that grass! There is another problem as well. For six or seven months out of the year my lawn looks like (or has the potential to look like) the picture below: Yep, that is the same front yard. That big lump of snow to the extreme left middle of the picture is the big rock. Up here in New Hampshire, we have twice had blizzards on Halloween in the ten years that I have been up here. Last year, we had a snowstorm on Thanksgiving...that came as a mild surprise for my sister and brother in law who drove up here from New Jersey for the holiday!
My point here is that life changes faster than our perceptions about how life is supposed to be. If you are constantly going through life hoping that it will match some unobtainable ideal you have in your head all of the time, then you are bound to be disappointed...particularly if you take no steps to make that ideal come true. On the other hand, if you put it into your head that life has its seasons and that there are steps you can take to enjoy them all, then I think your life will be a lot happier. When life gives you snow, then make a snowman! Now, I know my above example is very simple, and doesn't pertain to everything that life throws at you. Still, if you try, you can take steps to make your life as enjoyable as possible. To start, go to where you think you have the best chance to be happy. That might be around particular people, or it might instead be a particular place, where you don't know any of the people. Second, try to get a job that suits your personality or that you are happy doing. Now, when I say job I don't necessarily mean go work for somebody else. You can also start your own business or do volunteer work. When I say job I mean find a way to make some money so that you can live comfortably. By living comfortably I mean in a way that is acceptable to you. I have always found that if I am going to spend my time doing something other than playing or relaxing, then I want to be paid as much as possible for the time I am spending that I can. That way, when I am not working, I have enough cash to do whatever I please (within reason). I also find it is best for me to do something that I find is interesting. In the end, we all spend a lot of our time working in one form or another to stay alive. I have always wanted to have my time working to at least be enjoyable to me. The more ways you can make your work enjoyable the better it will be for you, and the more likely it will be that you will have an enjoyable life. Anyway, I rambled and got off topic a bit. I guess what I am trying to say is that if you currently feel like you have a screwed up life, don't fret and think that you are the only one. We all feel screwed up at times. There are two ways out of it. 1. change your perceptions of what life should be so that it is closer to reality. Or 2. take steps to make your perceptions your reality. If you don't like snow in your life (ever), then move to Florida. That's a bit extreme, but you see what I mean. In other words, if you think your life should be spent by the ocean and you live in the upper Midwest, then you have a serious problem between perception and reality! So, you can either move to the seashore, or you can change the way you perceive life should be to make you happy. For me, I like to focus on the little things in life to keep me happy. A hot cup of coffee, the beautiful all-season views outside my windows, watching my daughters grow up... that kind of stuff. I don't need personal drama, or TV to be happy, although I do like a good book and laughter in my life. I guess what I am trying to say, is enjoy what you have...for some day you might not have it. It is also a lot better than lamenting about something that you don't have now and maybe never will. Well, it's that time of year again! Merry Christmas everyone! Thanks for reading! Today I want to talk about Christmas spirit.
I was looking through my Facebook wall and I noticed a post saying that the person didn't really feel like they had Christmas spirit this year. I couldn't believe the number of people who had left a comment below that post saying they didn't feel it either. Most of the comments spoke about not putting a tree up, or not finishing shopping, or being stressed about shopping. No wonder these people didn't feel the Christmas spirit! These people have forgotten what Christmas is all about! And so has my daughter, Maddie by the way. Christmas isn't about shopping, or putting up a tree or even about a birthday really. To me, it is a celebration of appreciation. We celebrate Christ's birthday because we appreciate what he's done for us. He has died for our sins. In essence, he has given the ultimate gift. He has given his life, so that we can have everlasting life. If he didn't do that, then we likely wouldn't celebrate his birthday so widely. We don't celebrate Buddha's birthday, or Shiva's do we? (I would think that most people don't.) We celebrate Christ's birthday because we appreciate the sacrifice he did for us. We give gifts to each other to symbolize the great gift that he gave us all. So, who do we give gifts to? We give gifts to those we love and/or appreciate. This year, I will be giving gifts to my daughters and immediate family, but I also gave gifts to three people at my work who do the leg work for me when I am in press. I do this because I appreciate all of the hard work they do for me during the year. You may notice the same thing about yourself. For example, if you live in an apartment building, you may give your doorman a gift or a tip at Christmas time. I am certain that you don't give a tip to the doorman to the apartment building across the street. Why? Because you appreciate what your doorman does for you and your building...but you don't really appreciate what that other doorman does do you? My advice to you? Forget about all of the talk about Black Friday and "Holiday Spirit". Instead, focus on what you truly appreciate and look upon Christmas as a time when you can show your appreciation for all that you have to appreciate. As a Christian, I appreciate what Jesus did for me and I celebrate it. I say Merry Christmas as a greeting because I think it sounds nice and it reminds me to be more appreciative. I say it to the cashier at the store because I appreciate the fast courteous transaction we just completed...or because we chit chatted in line and made the transaction go a little bit quicker...or sometimes just to make them smile. When someone smiles at me, it makes me smile...which brightens my day. At Christmas time, try to appreciate those around you. It will make gift buying seem less like a chore and more of what it should be... a show of appreciation. And maybe...just maybe you will truly feel the Christmas spirit. And by the way, just because Christmas is the time of year that we usually show appreciation doesn't mean that it is the only time of year where you should feel appreciation. Actively try to appreciate those around you each and every day and you will feel the Christmas spirit throughout the year. Then, when you go to express those feelings at Christmas, you will have a truly amazing Christmas time. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!! (and yes, I did mean to shout that!) "The question isn't "Who is going to let me?"; it's "Who is going to stop me?". That's a quote by Ayn Rand. I find with Rand, people either love her or hate her. Many people point out that she was sometimes hypocritical, and use that as a reason to dismiss all that she wrote. These people fail to separate the message from the messenger.
I think that anytime you judge what you hear, you need to be able to separate the message from the messenger. Ayn Rand, in some ways, was a reprehensible person. That doesn't make what she wrote 100% incorrect. My post today isn't about Rand's philosophy. It is about the quote I started the post with. Oftentimes, we go through life afraid to do things. We are afraid to do them because we are concerned with what people might think. We end up stopping ourselves because we are afraid of what might happen. What if I fail? What would "they" think? We look for permission to do things. By looking for approval, we limit ourselves. We think: this is the way my parents did it. If I do it the same way, they will be happy with me. This is the way my friends look. If I look the same way, I will be accepted. All of this is bullshit. Yet we do it. And if we don't do it, we know many who do. Many people want to be accepted by one group, so they do things that will make them unacceptable to another... trying to fit in. As they try to fit in with one group, they try to disassociate with another group. It is sad really. We all live together. What I do, as long as it does not hurt you or your rights, should not matter. What you do, should not matter to me. And as time goes on, we see more and more of this type of behavior. At one time, tattoos were for the lower class and piercings were done by punks for their shock effect. Now, tatoos are done by the young to look hip, and by the old to pretend they are young. Multi-color hair is worn by the young to be "different" yet it all looks the same anyway. So what is my point? My point is to be who you want to be. Just make sure, you know who you want to be. Do you want to be the person people look at and say "What a freak show!"? Do you want to be the person who mars their flesh for life to fit in for the moment? Or do you want to be the person who can be themselves, with the assets God gave them and be accepted by all anyway? If your friends will only hang out with you because your hair is green and you have a nose ring, then it's likely they are not the greatest friends for you to have anyway. If your friends will only hang out with you because they see you as someone they can drink with, then maybe you need to choose your friends more wisely. Look for people who accept you for who you are. Do things because you want to do them...not because you are worried what people will think if you don't do them. Do things because you actually want to do them, not because you want to shock someone by doing it. Some of the things I said above seem to contradict each other. But do they really? The first thing you need to do is to know yourself, and why yu do or do not want to do something. Ask yourself: "Why do I like that? Why do I want to do that?" Look for the bottomline why. I think that is you use this exercise, you may find that a lot of what you do, you do for other people. Look for the deepest why. It will help you to make the right decision for you.
"The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them." Those wise words come from Ernest Hemingway, one of my favorite writers when I was a kid.
What I liked about Hemingway was that he walked his talk. He fought for what he believed in. Many people talk about how things should be, but few go out of their way to fight for it, unless the fight is brought to them. Hemingway was different. He went to where the action was and fought for hid ideals. That's the way it seemed to me as a kid, anyway. Although Hemingway is known for a number of groundbreaking novels, my favorite works by him are his Nick Adams stories. In those, I found a kindred spirit, even if the stories were written more than fifty years before I was born. If you ever get a chance, I recommend those stories highly. To get back to the quote, I think it can be improved upon even further. "The best way to find out if you can trust somebody, is to first trust them with a little thing that takes some judgement." If they screw it up, then you know that they cannot be trusted with something meaningful. You see, anyone can be trusted with something minor. It's different though if they have to make some sort of judgement call. Not everybody makes wise decisions. Why wait to find out if someone can make a wise decision when the chips are down? Instead, ask them to make some sort of decision when the outcome really doesn't matter too much. If they do well, then it is likely they will at least try to make a good decision when the outcome is more important. On the flip side, if they can't make a good decision while nothing is at stake, then it's likely that they would not be able to when the chips are down either. Sometimes, we are all thrown into a situation where we need to trust someone we don't know to do the right thing. Most times we aren't. It is those times when we are not that my solution would be a superior choice. Remember, trust shouldn't just be given. It should be earned. I think everyone should be given the chance to earn your trust. You just don't need to make that first chance a life-altering situation. |
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