"Be comfortable with being uncomfortable." I am not sure who wrote this gem, but I think it is a great quote; if you look below the surface. My youngest daughter looked at this quote and told me: "See this is why I don 't read your posts. I never know what you are talking about!" Ashleigh is seven, and still takes everything she reads literally. I know some adults that do that too!
I think it is a great quote because it pertains to a fulfilled life. We don't grow if we remain in our comfort zone. In fact, we stagnate. The problem is, we all want to be comfortable. We like to avoid change which could involve second guessing ourselves in the future. Nearly everyone I know says they want to be happy. And yet, many of them don't take the steps to change things so that they are happy. Instead, they continue to do the things they have always done and complain about it instead. There are certain things that need to be done to bring about change... and that is true whether it is the pursuit of happiness, the pursuit of a relationship, or a new job. In fact, it is true for everything. First, you need to know what you want to do. By knowing what you want, I don't mean that in a vague sort of way. I mean you really need to picture it in great detail. You then need to start thinking about what it will entail to reach that goal. Make a road map so to speak. Put down every little detail of what you would have to do to accomplish your goal. For instance, if you wanted to be able to give your car a tune up, there are certain things you would have to do. First, you would need to know what supplies you would need to do it. Secondly, it would help if you actually knew how to do it. If you don't then you may have to watch someone do one first, or take a class, or even watch a you tube video. Third, you would want to make sure you have all of the tools that you will need. Next you'll need to set aside time to accomplish your task. Etc. Etc. Once you have your detailed plan, the next step is the most crucial part. You actually have to start your endeavor. So many people will make plans and then wait for the perfect moment to start their plan. Unfortunately for many, that moment never arrives. The best time to start, once you know what you want is now. Not next month, not next year, but now. Part of the beauty of have a plan with the steps necessary plainly written out is that you have broken down what you need to do in smaller steps. You have already set it in your mind that there are a number of things to be done to reach your goal, and you can start by attacking one of those small things. Starting a new thing is half of the battle! By starting small two things are accomplished. First it allows you to get comfortable with the changes you are initiating. Secondly, you see some progress right away, and hopefully that will give you enough incentive to continue. Third, you have to keep going! Don't stop until you see your plan through. Get comfortable with working towards your goal. You are moving out of your comfort zone, there will be times when you are uncertain, or tired, or scared. Keep going! If something that you are doing isn't working as expected, then modify it a bit until it does work for you! As a side note, if you are working towards a life changing event, then try to surround yourself with like-minded people. Look for people who have accomplished something similar to what you are attempting. Ask them questions. Get to know them. The worst thing you can do is surround yourself with people who tell you that you can't. If you want to do something, you usually can. There will be a trade off though. You need to be willing to give up something in exchange for the new thing. I find that the things you may need to give up come down to three categories: Time, Money, People, or a combination of the three. To write this post, I am giving up about an hour of my time. Although I am writing it during the day, I know exactly what I am cutting out to write it. I will work an hour later this evening so that my work load doesn't suffer, and I will still do karate with my daughters. Instead, I will read a few less articles on stumble upon tonight and I will keep off of Facebook and Stumble upon. All said, if you embrace change and try to effect the changes you want to see, I think you will find you will begin to become comfortable with being uncomfortable.
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"You must be the change that you wish to see in the world." That is a quote by Mahatma Gandhi. It's a nice thought, but not really realistic. For example, I would like the world to change so that there are no wars. All of my life, I have not become a soldier, have not supported any of the war efforts and certainly haven't clamored for war, and yet, there is war, In fact, the only thing that has kept me from getting caught up in a war is the luck of having been born in North America, which has basically been war free over the past 100 years or so. In fact, to get to a war zone, I would actually have to travel to another continent.
On a very personal level, I guess his phrase could be true in some instances. Dieting comes to mind. Looking for a new job... that sort of thing. But certainly not anything that involves the world at large. So how do we affect change in the world around us? I think it is by realizing that nothing happens on a worldwide scale instantaneously. Little by little, things can change. It may take decades, however! Think, if each person who truly wants peace teaches their children that peace does not mean war elsewhere, and encourages them to not choose the military as an option, at some point the idea may gain traction. Instead of glorifying war through movies and books and dehumanizing our political enemies, we should show our children the true costs of war. Show them the children who have lost their fathers. The men and women who have lost limbs or their mental stability. Introduce them to people who are different than they are. Allow them to experience new cultures by meeting recent immigrants. Change on a global scale is slow, but it can be accomplished And, in the end, it does really start with the individual. So, was Gandhi wrong when he said that you must be the change you want to see in the world? No, he was correct. He just failed to mention that the change you want to see just may not happen during your lifetime. "Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance." That's a quote by George Bernard Shaw. I have written about George before, so I won't bore you with a paragraph about who he is. If you don't know who he is, a quick google of his name will give you more info on him than I would have wrote here anyway.
I have thought about this quote for quite a bit, and all I will say is that it is correct more than its wrong. If you don't know something, it can hurt you. You may not know that it is hurting you, but it ultimately can. Even so, false knowledge is worse because you fully believe that it is correct and actively work towards using that knowledge for your own benefit. That is where the problem lies. Because the knowledge is false, you do not realize that you are working your way closer and closer to a fall, and putting more and more of your time and effort into a losing proposition. I find that when I am uncertain about something, I go more slowly and look for pitfalls. Meanwhile, when I believe I know how to do something correctly, I work more quickly and more or less just look for the positive outcome. This is probably a poor example, but think about driving your car down the roadway. The road may be wet, but has not turned icy where you are, so you expect that it will also not be icy ahead. The air just isn't cold enough to make or icy spots, you believe. Meanwhile, up ahead, the road goes up in elevation and the roadway crosses a short bridge over a small stream or river. The wind has been blowing water up onto the roadway slowly and the wind is passing both over and under the roadway. Black ice develops, and all of a sudden your knowledge of a wet but not icy road is incorrect. Your speed, which was fine on the wet but warm roadway is now much too fast to be safe. With any luck, you will make it over the black ice without losing control. Unfortunately, not everyone knows how to react to a slippery roadway. Think about the massive pile ups you see on TV about the people who live in the south when it gets below freezing down there. It doesn't happen often, so they are not used to driving in slippery conditions. Then bang! All of a sudden they are seeing thirty-car pile ups. Their lack of experience on an icy roadway leads to property damage and injuries. Now that I think of it, this is likely an example of both false knowledge and ignorance! A better example might be when a boy who gets an "A" on a test in an earlier class, gives his answer to his friend who is taking the class later in the day. Since he has what he believes are the right answers, he doesn't bother to do any last minute studying. Meanwhile, the teacher has also changed the order of the questions on the test so that the boys answers are no longer valid. Without the friends help, the boy might have passed the test. Instead, he relies on his friend's answers and fails the test. His false knowledge of his friend's good result, and list of correct answers ended up being worse for him, than if he jut relied on his own answers. His ignorance may have been enough to get him a passing grade. Meanwhile, his false knowledge led to his failure. At any rate, I guess the moral of this story is to always do your best to verify the knowledge you are given, and always be open to learning. Ignorance is not bliss, and knowledge that is assumed rather than investigated can be dangerous. Use your brains and do your best to verify the knowledge you are given. "The mind is everything. What you think, you become." That's a quote by Buddha. To a certain extent, he is right. You do have the potential to become whatever you think. It takes more than thinking, though. The thinking needs to be followed up with concise actions toward your goals.
When I was a child, I wanted to be an archeologist. I found the past very interesting and always though that digging up a treasure or a dinasaur would be really cool. As I grew older, I didn't think that there would be enough money in archeology, though, to raise a family or do other things away from archeology, so I looked for a career where I could make good money and have the time to raise a family. I decided on a career in finance, and the rest is history. I never pursued classes in history or hobbies where I could go on archeological digs. I did take classes in finance, and look for jobs where I could gain experience to work as a stock analyst. And so as I thought and acted, so I became. Even so, I think Buddha was talking at a deeper level. I really don't think he had careers in mind when he threw out that quote. I think he was talking about the full human experieince. Think peaceful thoughts, and you would inevitably become a peaceful person. Think evil thoughts, and you had a greater chance of becoming evil. What mattered to Buddha is what you are as a person and what you become... Not careerwise, possibly not even in this lifetime... but for all time. Buddha was concerned with Nirvana. Nirvana is "a transcendent state in which there is neither suffering, desire, nor sense of self, and the subject is released from the effects of karma and the cycle of death and rebirth." It represents the final goal of Buddhism. I don't know about you, but I am far from a state of Nirvana. Pleasure, pain, happiness, sadness... I expereince all of those emotions, and more, on a nearly daily basis. I want happiness for my children, and I want the end of sorrows. Not just my own, but everyones. Although I have meditated in the past, I meditated to explore my mind. If I had reached Nirvana, it would have been to marvel at it and the incredible feeling it must (in my mind back then) bring about. By thinking that Nirvana was a buzz or a trip, I nearly guaranteed that I would never experience true Nirvana, no matter how much I meditated! Now, although I know what Nirvana is truly supposed to be, I don't try to attain it. I am not ready for it. Instead, I want my girls to experience life, and enjoy it. I want them to be happy and avoid as many pains as I can help them to avoid. I want them to learn ... and love learning. Instead, of wishing Nirvana for them, I want them to be, and experieince all that life has to offer them. I want them to live on their own terms. The mind IS a beautiful thing. Think and you will become. I thought, I think, and I became. I shouldn't ask for anything else. But I do! "Wisdom comes from paying attention to wise people." That's a quote by Yamamoto Tsunetomo. Tsunetomo was a samurai in the late 1600's and early 1700's. I somewhat disagree with this statement. To me, wisdom comes from experience. While you can learn a lot from paying attention to wise people, these people also had to learn.
Pay attention to everything, but especially wise people, would seem to be a better quote to me. There is so much you can learn every day, if you just open yourself to it. Everyone has something that they can teach you. Whether it is how to act or how not to act in any given situation, you can definitely learn something. One thing that I like to do, but don't get a chance to do a lot, is to have conversations with older people that I don't know to see what makes them tick. I have learned so many life lessons in that way in the past! You would be amazed at the range of topics that will come up, if you just open yourself to listening to other people and ask open-ended questions. Reading is also a great way to learn and gain wisdom. Take old Yamamoto here, for instance. I originally saw only the one quote by him, but in knowing that he was a samurai, I looked him up and found that he had written an entire book of his thoughts on the warrior code... or bushido as we call it now. His book was: Hagakure: "The Book Of The Samurai" Below are some other quotes from that book. What I learned from looking at that book is that Tsunetomo was likely a bit of a psychopath! Below are some of his wiser sayings... I have left out the ones that lament about how men no longer want to behead prisoners with their hands tied behind their backs! Oy! "There is certainly nothing more important in life than what we do at the present moment. A person’s entire life consists of nothing more than one moment piled on top of another, over and over again. Once enlightened to this, the warrior has nothing else to worry about, because he realizes that he has only to live in the present moment with the utmost intensity." "A man’s life is only a vapor that vanishes in an instant. One should spend his life doing that which he enjoys. As short as life is, it is foolish to spend it doing only the things one hates." "The secret to a happy marriage is this: Treat your spouse all of your life as you did when you first met and there will never be room for discord." All said, I agree with the last two quotes wholeheartedly. For the record, after Tsunetomo actually gave up being a samurai after his original Lord died. He did not like the man who took over, and instead of serving someone he did not agree with, he went into the mountains and became a monk. His book was written by another samurai who went into the mountains to find him and learn from him. Learn wisdom from wise people, but also read and learn from the words of wise people who you have not met. Everyone has something that they can teach you. Just be open to the lessons you can learn. "If there is anything we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could be better changed in ourselves." That is a quote by Carl Jung. Jung was the founder of analytical psychology. He was a firm believer in individuation. One of the unique things about Jung is that at a very early age he believed he had two personalities. One was that of your typical Swiss school boy at the time, while the other was that of a dignified, authoritative and influential man from the past. This belief would go on to influence much of his groundbreaking future work.
Getting back to Jung's quote, I think he is correct. Oftentimes, although not always, our children are like mirrors of ourselves. While we all recognize that to some extent, it is when we see a perceived flaw that we try to get the child to change it. A good example of this can be found at my house.My Mom is constantly haranguing Maddie about the neatness of her room. She wonders why she just won't keep her room clean. Remember, a reflection is not an exact duplicate of the original. Mirrors have a tendency to distort some details... writing, for example, will look backwards in a mirror. And so it is with our children! Maddie's room is indeed a mess at most times. Although my room is usually neat, my desk is a disaster area. There's the distortion! Take it out one generation further, and my Mom's room is a mess! So my Mom subconsciously wants to fix a flaw in Maddie that she inadvertently sees in herself. She will often try to enlist me into the fray by having me tell Maddie to clean her room. Is the dirty room the only similarity I can see? No. There are many examples. To stay on neatness for a moment, we all have areas outside of our own personal space where we generate our own messy kind of comfort. For me, it is the garage, where I am constantly battling to clear up the clutter. For Maddie, the library has become her own personal girl cave. My reading chair seems to have molded itself to her shape and the side table always seems covered in her soda bottles and notes for school projects. Meanwhile, the basement has been taken over by my Mom's stuff and the kitchen island seems to have become the final resting place for much of her mail and notes. Even Ashleigh has her own special messy place in the living room! Lately, the dining room table also seems to be collecting a lot of Ashleigh's school supplies and coloring books. From the use of colorful language, to the quest for coffee and a mild form of procrastination, everything I see in my daughters I can also see in myself. To different degrees certainly, but they are still there. We all have different things that annoy us. While I do get on my daughters to curb their more egregious behavior, I also try to see where it is coming from and correct that as well. Oftentimes, the example they are emulating is me (but not always). Finally, with my daughters I try to lead by example. There are three old sayings that I try to remember always. These are: "People in glass houses should not throw stones."; "Those who say it can't be done, should get out of the way of those who are doing it." and "Do as I do, is a much better teacher than do as I say." "That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons that history has to teach." That is a quote by Aldous Huxley. Huxley is best known as the author of "A Brave New World" and "The Doors Of Perception". The Doors Of Perception recalls his experiences when taking a psychedelic drug, and was a book that had great influence on Jim Morrison. In fact, the book had such an impact on him that he named his rock band The Doors. How's that for trivia! Although I am sure that most true Doors fans already knew that. Anyway, Huxley was considered one of the greatest intellectuals of his time and was nominated for the Nobel Prize in literature in seven different years. While I am thinking about it, congratulations to Bob Dylan for winning the 2016 Noble Prize for literature. He won the award for ‘having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition’. The Swedish academy stated: “We’re really giving it to Bob Dylan as a great poet – that’s the reason we awarded him the prize. He’s a great poet in the great English tradition, stretching from Milton and Blake onwards. And he’s a very interesting traditionalist, in a highly original way. Not just the written tradition, but also the oral one; not just high literature, but also low literature.” Though Dylan is considered by many to be a musician, not a writer, Danius said the artistic reach of his lyrics and poetry could not be put in a single box. “I came to realize that we still read Homer and Sappho from ancient Greece, and they were writing 2,500 years ago,” she said. “They were meant to be performed, often together with instruments, but they have survived, and survived incredibly well, on the book page. We enjoy [their] poetry, and I think Bob Dylan deserves to be read as a poet.” I find it fitting to write about Aldous Huxley on the same day that Bob Dylan wins a Noble Prize because both men, in their own ways, called for social change. In fact, way back in 1958 Huxley gave a prescient warning about what he saw coming for the world in the future. Now, 58 years later, some of those predictions look startlingly accurate! Meanwhile, Dylan wrote songs in the sixties that called for social changes that also seem to be slowly gaining traction.
To get back to Huxley, after nearly sixty years, his words too are now history. Let's see what he was saying and if there is anything we should have learned. The quotes below come from an interview he did with Mike Wallace back in 1958. At that time Huxley stated that: 1."Technology, bureaucracy and Television will be used to enslave us." Huxley believed that: "we mustn’t be caught by surprise by our own advancing technology. This has happened again and again in history with technology’s advance and this changes social condition, and suddenly people have found themselves in a situation which they didn’t foresee and doing all sorts of things they really didn’t want to do." Specifically, on television he stated: " it is being used too much to distract everybody all the time. But, I mean, imagine which must be the situation in all communist countries where the television, where it exists, is always saying the same things the whole time; it’s always driving along. It’s not creating a wide front of distraction it’s creating a one-pointed, er…drumming in of a single idea, all the time. It’s obviously an immensely powerful instrument. ' There were a lot of other things that Huxley said too. Isaac Davis recently wrote an article about Huxley. Instead of just quoting from his article, follow this link to read it yourself Huxley It is rare that I ever just send my readers to another blog to read, but the article is well worth reading. In my opinion, Huxley was amazing. Now that you have read the article linked to above, I think you can see how self evident Huxley's quote to him. And remember, Brave New World was written in 1931. About 27 years before he gave that interview! Truly, He was a man ahead of his time. It's no wonder that his name often comes up when people speak of George Orwell, another writer of dystopian novels. He is best known for his book 1984. A Brave New World, 1984, and even Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand are all history now. Why not read them? And see if you can learn the messages these authors were trying to alert us to way back then.
When I was 1, I was too small to learn anything but my basic motor skills. When I was 2, I was slowly learning to read and speak. When I was 3, I learned that I had a love for karate. When I was 4, I learned that "stupid" was a bad word to be replaced with "silly". When I was 5, I learned that I could be friends with older people (my first friends were 7 and . When I was 6, I learned to be observant. When I was 7, I learned that even those I thought loved me most could lie while smiling at me. When I was 8, I learned to be cautious and protective. I also learned what it means to be an older sister. When I was 9, I learned anger, and to repress emotion until my breaking point. I learned what breakdowns were and how horrible they were. When I was 10, I learned about disappointment. I learned that people say a lot of things, but it doesn't make them true. When I was 11, I learned about loss. I learned about depression. I learned about making hard choices and I learned that you should never go to bed angry at the ones you love. When I was 12, I learned that you never fully can appreciate what you have until it is too late. I learned regret. I learned to mourn in silence so I didn't disrupt my family but I also learned to cry on my dad's shoulder at 3 am. When I was 13, I learned to forgive. I also learned that forgiveness will get you walked all over. I learned about emotionally abusive friendships and I learned that sometimes you can't be concerned about hurting others if they're hurting you more. I learned to truly internalize my depression. I learned to hide from everyone and wallow in sadness, running from my past rather than facing it. I learned that poetry was an outlet for pain. When I was 14, I learned that things can get better. I learned that life doesn't stop moving because shit happens, I learned that you must be the change you wish to see in the world. I learned to embrace my past and use it to help others... and myself. I learned what true friendship looks like and I endured a couple of foolish short-lived heartbreaks. I learned to cope with my depression and combat it. I learned that it is rain that grows flowers, not thunderstorms and that words are often forgiven and seldom forgotten. I learned to control my anger and my attitude and I learned compassion and empathy. Now I'm 15.... and after all I've been through.... I think I have finally learned to be happy. I have learned that life is what it is; it comes and goes and it has ups and downs but if you didn't have downs, you would simply be living your life in a straight line. I've learned now that my thoughts are everything and that a negative mind will get me nowhere. And I'm proud of myself. - maddie "In spite of illness, in spite even of the archenemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways." That mouthful was by Edith Wharton. And although it seems to be a long run-on sentence, I love that she got it exactly right, in my opinion!
Edith Wharton was an American writer who wrote "The Age Of Innocence" among other things. She actually became the first woman to win a Pulitzer prize (in 1921) due to this book. In my opinion, Wharton was a woman ahead of her time. Amazingly, she did not publish her first novel until she was 40! By the time she passed away, in 1937 she had written fifteen novels, seven novellas, and eighty-five short stories. She had published poetry, books on design, travel, literary and cultural criticism, as well as a memoir. Getting back to her quote, I like that she defines living by what she does and not by what she has. Illness and sorrow are facts of life in everyone's lives. She does not allow them to define her, however. Instead, she defines her life by her reasons for living! Ms. Wharton was not afraid of change. Her first husband had a mental illness that led to a radical change in how she had wanted to live her life. She tried to make the best of it, but after 28 years, once the doctors said that their was no longer hope to change his condition, she left to start her second life. She was 51 years old at this point! She traveled, wrote, and learned... She became happy in spite of what had happened during the "best" years of her life. I have often quoted Spock (who was likely quoting someone else) that the only constant is change. Edith is so right in saying not to be afraid of change. Not all change is bad... it is just different to what you are used to. Embrace the change, and make it your own. Always be open to learning new things. Nothing is sadder than seeing a person who decides that they know enough, and actively decides to no longer learn new things. We have all heard the saying "life has passed her by." Don't let this happen to you! Technological change has been happening at a rapid pace for over 75 years. If you fail to embrace this change, you are setting yourself up for a pretty rough go of things. Imagine if you still had to get around by horse and buggy... simply because you didn't want to learn how to drive a car! Look for small changes you can make in your life every day, and try them. The things you don't find useful, discard. Those things that show a definite benefit to you should be added to your life. Finally, find happiness in small ways. Don't look for what is wrong with your friends and family members, but what is right with them! Look for those small things that make them unique, and make you happy. It is easy to find fault in others. Constantly pointing it out doesn't make you superior, or happy. It makes you a nag. Be a person that inspires others, not the type that repels them. Remember, people are led by example, not by nagging or coercion. People in glass houses should not throw stones. And finally, remember what Jesus said to the Pharisees when they brought an adulterer to him and asked whether she should be stoned to death. He said: “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her” Before you cast guilt on another, think about what Jesus was trying to say in the above verse. Then honestly answer these two questions: "Do I live my faith? Or "Do I use it as a shield to protect me from what I disagree with?" I know I have drifted a bit away from the spirit of the above quote, but this post is meant for two people in my life... not just one. Because there is a second side to the coin, and an additional lesson, which again, can be found in the bible. This answer can be found in Proverbs. The question is how should you react to a person who may have strayed away from living their faith? The Proverbs make it clear: "Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like to him..." Take this post for what it's worth. I think there are many lessons here. Both from the original quote, and from the verses I have quoted above. I think the two I am speaking to in the final four paragraphs should be able to recognize themselves from the described behavior. If not, feel free to ask me, and I will tell you whether I was thinking of you or not. Finally, if I was not speaking to you, yet you feel the need to ask me, then what is important is that you thought I was speaking to you, and thus you need to change your behavior. Have a good night, folks. "Yelling silences your message. Speak quietly, so that your children can hear your words instead of just your voice." I agree with the above quote whole-heartedly... because I've been in both situations with adults before. Yelling is an unfortunate common occurrence in my house; and while I'm just as guilty as the rest of my family is about it... I often think of ways that the yelling could possibly be tuned down a bit. I mean, it gets ridiculous! It's constant, it's unnecessary, and it happens for no reason. There's yelling going on as I write this post because my sister had the volume 2 notches too high on her iPad... and instead of calmly asking her to turn it down, she got yelled at to do it.
Was there any particular reason for the yell as opposed to the calm question? Honestly, I don't know. When it comes to pointless little things like that; I can't figure out why people choose to yell. I can somewhat understand yelling when arguing or when emotionally disturbed, but yelling for no reason just seems like a waste of time. I think some believe that the louder they are; the more valid their argument- and it's not the case. If anything; yelling takes away from your argument by making you seem foolish. The other day in the car, my dad got around to telling me two pieces of advice that he remembered his dad telling him and taking to heart- and that got me thinking about advice that HE has given me. And one of the most valuable pieces of advice that I think my dad has given me is that it's always better to approach things calmly and logically; and to avoid yelling in arguments for the same reason I stated above (looking foolish and sounding ignorant). So thank you, dad. I do try to follow that bit of advice (and the many other bits of advice that you've given me) as often as I can, when I remember. If the world could follow that advice, I think there would be far less problems. "Arguing with idiots is like playing chess with a pigeon- no matter how good you are, the bird is going to shit on the board and strut around like it won anyway." - Maddie "“There are more things to alarm us than to harm us, and we suffer more often in apprehension than reality.” That's a quote by Seneca. You say you don't know Seneca? For shame! Seneca was a tutor and adviser for Nero, way back during the Roman empire. He was forced to commit suicide after being found complicit in a plot to assassinate Nero. Was he guilty? Who really knows. I guess he found something that could both alarm and harm him!
Regardless of what happened to Seneca, I think his quote, for the most part, is spot on. I find that the things that really bother me and stress me out rarely do more than that. All of the worries that I have seem to be about what could happen, and not what has happened. At one point, I was worried that I was going to lose my house. My business was not doing well, and funds were getting short. All of the worry and stress was keeping me awake at night, and many of the solutions I came up with were either short sighted or too long-term oriented to be of any help. So what happened? I resigned myself to losing my house, thought out an exit strategy that wouldn't be too bad for me and my daughters, and then stopped worrying about it so much. (Yes, I still worried and felt bad... just not as bad as I had been feeling.) After resigning myself to my fate, I found a way out. Some of that way out included lucky things happening, but still I went from one small victory or coincidence to another until I finally worked myself out of my jam. Two years later, we still live in the same house, and I no longer have a mortgage on it! In accepting what I thought was inevitable, I stopped worrying about it as much, and in so doing made better decisions. Some of those decisions involved a bit of luck, but at the same time my mind was able to focus better and I could see different opportunities that I couldn't see earlier. Tonight, while reading Seneca's quote, I saw the wisdom in his observation. I suffered more from the apprehension of what I thought was going to happen, than I did from what actually happened. In hindsight, I can also look back and see that even if my worst fears were realized, I would have survived and eventually have been happy since the things that mean the most to me would have still been with me. I of course, mean my daughters, If ever you are alarmed about a potential outcome, please take a look at your fear. Ask yourself "What is the worst that can happen?" Once you can accept what the worst thing is, find ways to neutralize its impact on your happiness. Look for what really matters the most to you, and see if you can find a way to protect that, no matter what happens. With knowledge comes peace. Instead of focusing on what might be the worst. Think of ways that the worst may not really be anything else but change. The only constant is change. There is a bonus quote for you. Look it up and see who said it... although I think I may have discussed that quote once before anyway, so you can likely find the answer to that question right on this blog. Since change is constant, it makes sense that some of that change will be bad and some of it will be good. As long as its not fatal for you and yours, then you will survive and bounce back. Life goes on, and worries and fears will not work to make it any better. Thus, when you start to worry, think of Seneca and his insightful quote. I was at a loss for what to write about, so I decided to look up philosophical questions online. This is only one of the many I found- I'll try to write on more throughout the week. But enough about that; let's get right into things, shall we?
I personally think that it's much better to fail at something than to not try at all- depending on the circumstances. Now, let me just clarify- most times it is better to attempt something and then learn from your failure than to simply skip out on trying at all. The only time where it is best to not attempt something is when it can potentially end in death or serious injury- and the odds are stacked against you. There have been many stories in the media about people dying because of stupid dares they're put up to by their friends, and this is where the line needs to be drawn. In this case, not attempting is better- even if you're put under pressure. Where it's NOT okay to quit out is when it's a situation you can learn and possibly benefit from; at no real risk to yourself aside from criticism. The only way the world has ever moved forward is through trial and error- lots of error. It is only from out mistakes that we can learn to get better, and only by looking back on our own mistakes (and the mistakes of others) can we find where we went wrong and improve upon it. In the words of Thomas Edison: "I haven't failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." Never let yourself believe that you can't do something out of fear of failure. Use wise judgement, and go forth and learn from your mistakes. - maddie "Notoriety is often mistaken for fame.” This is a great quote from the Aesop's fable about the dog with a bell on its collar. The fable goes something like this: "There was once a Dog who used to snap at people and bite them without any provocation, and who was a great nuisance to every one who came to his master's house. So his master fastened a bell round his neck to warn people of his presence. The Dog was very proud of the bell, and strutted about tinkling it with immense satisfaction. But an old dog came up to him and said, "The fewer airs you give yourself the better, my friend. You don't think, do you, that your bell was given you as a reward of merit? On the contrary, it is a badge of disgrace." The moral of the story is my quote! "Notoriety is often mistaken for fame." There are so many examples of this moral that it is hard to just pick one as an example. Instead, I'll give you a few different examples from different walks of life.
Let's start at the top of the proverbial food chain here and look at our next batch of so-called political leaders. On the democratic side, we have Hillary Rodham Clinton. Here is a woman, who in my mind, is a criminal and a liar. Even so, in some polls about 44% of the population want her to be our next president. My God! Our president should be someone that is not under investigation by the FBI for illegal actions. This woman has a shady past and many policy and procedural mistakes under her belt. She has been caught lying to the press and the people, and she compounds it by lying to cover up those lies. All of you know what I am talking about too... And yet, there she is. Whitewater, Travel-gate, Benghazi, sending classified material over private email servers, rumors of foul play after people with close ties to her end up dead. Any one of those should be enough to disqualify her. Yet there she is. And people are willing to vote for her! This is the perfect example of notoriety being mistaken for fame. Next, on the Republican side, we have Donald Trump. There is nothing dishonest about Donald Trump that I know of. He does have a reputation for flying off the handle and saying bombastic, hurtful things. Personally, I can't see how this is helping him in the race for the presidency. Even so, he too, has gotten a 44% approval rating in some of the polls. While I understand that a lot of what he is being accused of is blown out of proportion by the media (liberals can be nasty, too), there are just too many documented cases of the Donald being downright insulting to people he disagrees with for it to all be hype. Again, his notoriety is being mistaken for fame. Meanwhile, there is a third candidate in the race who has a solid track record of public service and has an actual plan to improve the economy... and yet he gets very little press. Gary Johnson, and his running mate, Bill Weld were both successful, scandal-less governors, who are currently garnering only 12% of the vote. Neither one of these two men are famous... but they don't have any notoriety either! Closer to home, I think we all know someone who does things that are sometimes reprehensible yet are well liked among their group of friends. I will not mention any stories here. In general, many of the people who read this blog would likely be able to pick out who I am talking about, whether I chose to speak about someone from New Jersey or here in New Hampshire. Remember, you don't need to kill someone to be notorious. At my level, I think it would be hard to call anyone I know famous. So let's just lean toward notorious and popular. Think of the people around you who are popular. Do all of them deserve to be so? I think we can all think of at least one or two people who would get a resounding no answer to that question. Finally, let's take a look at our heroes on TV and in the papers. We have football players who have been assaulting people, singers who seem to be known more for what parts of their bodies they are showing off on twitter rather than for their songs, and actors who are best know for their drug binges and alcoholic antics. Think people, don't mistake notoriety for fame. They are not the same thing, and I think our culture is poorer for the blindness to notoriety. There are no bells for people unfortunately, so stay on your guard. These are just going to be simply longer quotes, no expanding.
Things that the older generation may have forgotten since their youth- or maybe, never knew. They're interesting ways of looking at life. 4 - "Today in science, we learned that you can never gain cold. You can only have an absence of heat. It made me think that maybe hatred doesn't exist... maybe it's just the absence of love." 5 - "Sometimes people use "respect" to mean "treating someone like a person" and sometimes they use "respect" to mean "treating someone like an authority". And sometimes, people who are used to being treated like an authority say "if you don't respect me I won't respect you" and they mean "if you won't treat me like an authority, then I won't treat you like a person". And they think they're being fair, but they aren't... and it's not okay." 6 - "I know you’ve lost someone and it hurts. You may have lost them suddenly, unexpectedly. Or perhaps you began losing pieces of them until one day, there was nothing left. You may have known them all your life or you may have barely known them at all. Either way, it is irrelevant — you cannot control the depth of a wound another soul inflicts upon you. Which is why I am not here to tell you tomorrow is another day. That the sun will go on shining. Or there are plenty of fish in the sea. What I will tell you is this; it’s okay to be hurting as much as you are. What you are feeling is not only completely valid but necessary — because it makes you so much more human. And though I can’t promise it will get better any time soon, I can tell you that it will — eventually. For now, all you can do is take your time. Take all the time you need. " 7 - "I think everything in life is art. What you do. How you dress. The way you love someone, and how you talk. Your smile and your personality. What you believe in, and all your dreams. The way you drink your tea. How you decorate your home. Or party. Your grocery list. The food you make. How your writing looks. And the way you feel. Life is art. " Title seem familiar? It should. I'm doing a follow-up/twist to my dad's blog post from earlier today; about things that the younger generation won't realize until they are older. I can't quite say I agree with his title- much of what he mentioned, I've already come to know. Then again, maybe it's just because I'm an old soul. Oh well. LET'S GET INTO SOME QUOTES!
I don't quite know yet if I'm going to elaborate on the quotes or just add them. I may just throw my two cents in on ones I feel the need to explain. At this rate, it's late at night and I'm ready to roll with whatever. 1 - "Just because my path is different, doesn't mean I'm lost." I feel like too often, adults press their children (and no, Dad, this is NOT aimed at you) to be copies of them. They expect them to look a certain way, act a certain way, and fit the norms of a culture that is not their own. So many parents I know restrict their children from making their own choices about things that really SHOULD be their choice- from the simplicity of appearance to the seriousness of religion. Most adults have forgotten that in their youth, they too probably wanted freedom to be themselves and to not conform to their parent's expectations. Each generation is different. And each generation has their own unique trends and personalities. Just because they aren't a carbon copy of what you were like growing up doesn't make them a heathen. 2 - "There is no need to have it all, just make the best of what you have." I also believe that adults dwell too much on the monetary aspect of life. I feel as though I've covered this in a separate blog post before; if you care to go find it, you can. What everything comes down to is that at some point, you were also a child or a teenager. You probably weren't concerned about what job you had or were going to have or what your future paycheck might be (unless you had the pushy, over-bearing and controlling parents; please see above). You probably just wanted to be carefree and happy and make the best of what you had- which was probably the minimal amount of money and good friends. What changed? What made you lose that... simplicity? I honestly hope I NEVER allow money to become more important to me than happiness. I'd easily settle for less as long as I could be happy doing what I did rather than make a large paycheck and be miserable. 3 - "The only way to have a friend, is to be one." Many adults don't have friends... at least, not close ones. From what I've seen, adulthood draws everyone apart and while that's understandable, it's also rather depressing. Just because you get a job doesn't mean you should let everyone you once cared about drift away. And while you shouldn't ever have to chase after a true friend; you shouldn't let them slip into the void, either. Sometimes, to maintain friendship, you have to be the first one to reach out. I think adults just assume everyone else is busy adulting and thus refuse to rekindle friendships. Well, this concludes part 1. Part 2 is going to be a collection of longer quotes; but without explanations. I've finally figured out how I want to do this. - Maddie "Your mind is a garden, your thoughts are the seeds, the harvest can either be flowers or weeds." The above is a short quote from William Wordsworth, who was a poet in the 19th century. I'm pretty sure most people already know where he was coming from with this quote, too- your thoughts are what make the greatest impact on your life, as they influence the choices you make and therefore the path your life will inevitably take. I'm sure most of you have heard the quote "every day you wake up and make a choice- to be positive or negative" or something along those lines, and honestly, it is quite true.
If you've been reading this blog for awhile, you should know that I'm an advocate of positivity and try to encourage people to live their lives as happily as they can. I'm one to always try and notice the little things in life; the silver lining in every dark cloud and the good in every situation; so on and so forth. I may seem a bit redundant, but it's only because I've seen the change that looking at things positively can have on lives- including my own. I've talked a few times now about my bout with depression about a year and a half ago; and how coming to terms with my past truly got me through it. I chose to take something incredibly shitty and use it to help myself and others in similar situations- I found my own silver lining (after about 4 years). In reality, if you were to ask ANYONE who knows me if I'm an optimist or a pessimist, they'd say neither. I'm a realist and I choose to see things exactly as they are- no more, and no less. And while you may wonder how someone can be a realist and yet so positive... it's because I choose to see life itself for what it is. It's something everyone goes through, one way or another. All of us LIVE. No matter the time. None of us know how much time we're given on earth, and I'd rather spend my time as well as I can. I've found that I don't achieve nearly as much when I'm upset or stressed out, and thus I am constantly in pursuit of things to make me happy. Because even though I may see things for what they are... it doesn't mean I zone in on negativity and ignore the good things. I can still look at a sunset and see its beauty; and I can still dance in thunderstorms while simultaneously accepting the fact that my generation is completely SCREWED. - Maddie "Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success." That's a quote by Albert Schweitzer. Albert won a Nobel Peace Price back in 1952. He was both a theologian and a philosopher, which kind of sounds like an interesting combination.
There are lots of ways to define success. In fact, I think if you ask ten people to define success, you are likely to get ten very vague but different answers. My idea of success when I was younger was much different than my idea of success right now. When I was younger, I figured if I had lots of money, a pretty wife a big house and time to party, then I would be extremely successful. Obviously, I wasn't thinking very deeply about things back then! That was when I was in my teens by the way. Going back even further, my definition of success was tied to how well I was doing playing sports and how big I could get my baseball card collection! Nowadays, it is easy for me to see that my ideas of success were flawed. They were flawed because I was not looking past the moment. All of those things, were things I wanted at that moment. Nowhere was there a thought about what was best for my future. Nowadays, I define success by how much time I get to spend with my daughters, and what I can teach them to make their lives easier in the future. Helping them to successfully complete their goals both in the present and for their futures gives me an immeasurable amount of happiness. It helps me to define a part of what I believe it means to be successful. It is not my only definition of success though. I also define success by how much ability I have to accomplish tings that I like to do. My ability to take karate classes two times a week and to help teach two other classes is a sign of my own personal success. My ability to take my daughters different places to allow them to grow and see new things is also a sign of my own success. Almost none of the things that define success to me has to do with material things. My car and my truck are both just tools to me. They get me from point A to point B. My house, is a sort of store of my wealth and a place where I can safely raise my family. The antiques and nice furniture that I own are more vestiges left over from my earlier life, A lot has happened to me over my fifty years on earth. My wife has died in my arms, my father and grandmother have both passed away, and I have both started and lost businesses and jobs. Through all of that, I can still look out my window and at times say that I am happy... and mean it! I think Albert had it right. Happiness is the key to success. If you want to be successful, then you first need to find a way to be happy. You can make millions each year and still feel that you are missing something. Look at Robin Williams or Kurt Cobain. Happiness doesn't come from where you live or what type of car you drive. It comes from inside.After many years, I think I can say that I am finally at peace with myself. And that, after my children, is likely the greatest feeling of success that I have ever felt. "A person's actions will tell you everything you need to know about them... Pay attention!" This is a great quote. And, unfortunately, I have no clue who originally said it. Even so, I believe it is good advice.
I'll give you a couple of examples. Have you ever met someone who would say one thing and then do another? I had a friend who would only say nice things about people in front of their face, but as soon as they were not there, would actively plot against them to cause them grief. When I first saw this in action, I thought that it was only a one off, that something must have happened that I didn't know about and that he must have gotten angry and was just venting. It was not always overt. Sometimes, he would say this stuff to only one person at a time... trying to get them to turn against the other person. Many times, he would lie or use a half truth to get another person angry at his target. But always, he would slowly lead the brunt of a group of friends to turn against the other person. I saw this in action, and I thought that as long as I was cognizant of what he was doing, it would be alright. And that surely the others could see it to. I was wrong. When I brought this up to a couple of the guys, not only could they not see it, but they disagreed with me wholeheartedly... until they were the target of his wrath. Then they began to see what was happening. At one point, he turned his wrath towards me. I knew what was happening, and decided to avoid him. It didn't matter. He would find things to do with the people I usually hung out with to isolate me. Some of the people he would invite to events he didn't even like. He just invited them along to isolate me from members of the group. Luckily, I hung out with a lot of different people, so it did't bother me too much. I was out of college by then and had numerous friends who only vaguely knew of each other. Still, it was a nuisance when I did want to hang with some of my local friends. Well, things got back to normal soon enough, but I never forgot that action, and kept my distance from him as much as I could. I did not trust him. I do not know about you, but I find it hard to remain friends with someone I don't trust. Finally, I saw a situation where his actions could be brought out into the open in front of the whole group. He had set up to go see one of the other guy's girlfriends while we were all hanging out. He didn't know that I overheard him talking on his phone and that I recognized the girl's voice. He feigned a headache, and we left the bar to drive him home since he did not drive his own car to the club. After driving him home (I was driving that night), I drove around the block and waited up a side street with the guy whose girlfriend he was going to see. This guy never could see anything bad in his "friend" and didn't even realize that the other guy really hated him and looked down on him. At any rate, I told the guy that the "kid with the headache was going to leave from his house and go see HIS girlfriend. Naturally, he didn't believe me. "CL" would never do THAT! Well, sure enough, five minutes go by and "CL"'s car came down the other street. He must of saw us when I turned my lights on, because he shot off down the road at an accelerated rate and turned in the opposite direction from my friend's girls house. It didn't matter. I knew where he was going. I told my friend that he was likely going to the liquor store to pick up some beer and that all we had to do was go wait in front of his girlfriend's house. He was skeptical, but we did it. About ten minutes after we got there, "CL" came walking up the street. He was almost next to us before he noticed my car. We were sitting with the windows open and he turned to us and said, "oh, and don't think I didn't see you down that side street, I did!" And he walked away. My friend was stunned, But he believed me. I then told him everything else I had observed and something clicked in his head. He said, "you know, now that you mention it, I have seen him do some different things to towards others"... and he told me what he observed. He had never put two and two together and figured out the whole story. Not only that, he never even realized that he had been targeted that way too. Once word got out about what happened, none of the regular members of the group would hang out with him any longer. That was effectively the end of that group of friends. We all went our separate ways soon after that. I did notice that some guys who were mutual friends of me and "CL" stopped talking to me soon after that. One actually said, he had heard that I had said something nasty about him. I asked him if he believed that, and he said he did, so I ended that friendship right there. I had never said anything even similar to what he said he had heard I said. "CL" was actively trying to protect his position among of friends. At that point, I didn't care. These people and I were friends because I had met them through him anyway. I didn't want to associate with him, and so I did not care if these people did not want to associate with me. I bring this up tonight since one guy contacted me a year or two ago when he saw my name pop up on Facebook. We started chatting every once in a while, but he lived in North Carolina, and I lived in New Hampshire, so we always knew it would just be causal conversations. He brought up that "CL" had visited him last year, when he had been in the area on business trip. He had always been tight with "CL" and he did not know why we all stopped hanging out together (at least I am quite certain he did not know the real reason anyway). At this point in my life, it doesn't matter anyway. After so many years, I do not want to get into a he said/she said kind of situation. I am glad that this guy contacted me over Facebook, and that he leaves whatever happened between me and "CL" between us. In the end, a person's actions do tell you everything you need to know about them... if you pay attention. What you do with that information is up to you. At age fifty, I find it is best to avoid people whose actions are not up to my standards. I have had enough heartbreak in my life. There is no need to invite strife into my life by allowing those with reprehensible actions to enter into my circle of friends. You learn a lot after fifty years. Hopefully, some of you younger readers can learn a life lesson from this story. Sometimes it is hard to do the right thing. But I find that the sooner you can make that move, the better. Earlier, I was on Tumblr scrolling about and I found a post I disagreed with- strongly. I won't insert it here, but in short, the post stated that as a species, we have failed. We're horrible for each other and the planet we inhabit, and we've destroyed our own natural selection because we keep the sick and demented alive and keep people who are disabled alive. I'm pretty sure that you know where I'm headed, but in case you don't... I wrote a rant in response. I didn't actually send it to the blog that posted the original rant; nor will I include that blog in this post. However, here is my own opinion.
As a species, we have come quite far. We’re one of many different mammals that share in the Earth- and of all of them, we’ve evolved to the point that we have science that allows us to take better care of ourselves, heal diseases, make progress towards a better and healthier world. Yet some of us are so ignorant as to say that we’ve taken away natural selection; taken away evolution through our own discoveries. Isn’t that what evolution is? Ways of moving forward, learning through each generation. I’ve got news for you- we’ve evolved a LOT, and as we have evolved, so has “natural selection”. You say we kill our planet with what we create and that we keep the ill and demented alive… But isn’t that natural selection in and of itself? These genetic diseases and flaws come about in every generation; changing every time…. and every time, we find new ways to handle them. I think that’s pretty amazing. There’s a reason why we’re at the top of the food chain; why we have no predators aside from natural disaster and ourselves. We, as a species, are innovative and determined. Determined to live… even if it means dying in the end. Life ends for all of us eventually, but what’s the sense in wasting it? Leave a legacy for those who come after you. Live your life so well that death will tremble to take you. If stereotypes, democracy, politics, religion, and everything else bother you, then ignore them. I know, it probably sounds impossible- but giving such an enormous shit about everyone else’s opinion and trying to class the entire race which you’re a part of as horrible for having a different life approach than you is a bit far-fetched. And it CERTAINLY takes more energy than just living your life happily and letting go of things that bother you. As for me? I live my life as happily as possible. I don’t let the bigger picture get into my head, and I find joy in the simplest things. I wrote this post to state my own opinion- take it or leave it. My time wasn’t wasted either way. -- maddie "Be as you wish to seem." That's another one from my man Socrates. It's simple really, yet so many people screw this one up. I think it is because so many people really have no idea about who they really want to be.
Sure, they will say "I want to be a nice person!" or "I want to be respected." Or even "I want to be happy!" The problem is that they don't know what those words mean. Not really anyway. They may have a vague notion that to be happy means not to be sad... to be nice means not to be bad. And while those are close, they really don't know how to achieve it. The above quote really gives people a starting point. It's a starting point because it makes people think about the next step. Well, I want people to think that I am happy. Well, okay, then I need to be happy. How do I achieve that? If they stop and think about that point, they will be closer to achieving their goal. This isn't a one-step process either! Most people want to be many things. I want to be good at karate. I want to be happy. I want to be good at what I do. I want to read. When people look at me I want to seem happy, competent and hard working! I want to seem intelligent and nice. To be all those things, I actually need to know what they mean... or, at least what they mean to me. Once I know what they mean and what it will entail for me to "be" that, then I need to develop habits that will lead to me being that way. For example, to get good at karate, I actually need to practice. If I don't practice, I will not get better at my craft. At the dojo, I can tell who practices and who doesn't by the improvements they make in their forms. Those who practice, get a little better each week. Those who don't practice, oftentimes need to be taught the same parts of the forms over and over again. Eventually, they might get it. But it takes them a lot longer that way than if they just reviewed it a bit on their own. To seem "happy" is a bit harder. I think most people really need to actually be happy to seem it. For me, it's the little things that make me happy. I have found it is best to focus on the little things since they occur much more frequently that the "BIG" things that only occur every so often. Why wait for a vacation to be happy? Why not find something that can make you happy daily? For me, I like to take little drives around my area and look at the mountain views and the lakes. I like to practice my karate, read, and make my daughters laugh. I like to drink copious amounts of coffee! Those things make me happy, and I experience them nearly every day. Of course, I have other things that make me happy too. Things that I can't do every day, but that I can do a couple of times a month if I am lucky. I like to take my daughters hiking... or fishing. I like to take them to the movies too. When I can do these things with them, I find it adds to my happiness. In the end, by being what I wish to seem, I become exactly what I wish to seem. It is simple. But to get to that point, you first need to define for yourself what you wish to seem and be. |
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