Today, all I have on my mind is a dream I had recently. It's a little disjointed and it's odd, but please bare with me as I'd like to see if anyone else has insight on what it may mean.
The dream starts off in a large house. It's like a mansion from the outside, but once inside it it has only 3 noticeable rooms (or at least only 3 rooms that I go into in the dream). In the dream, I walk into the main room of the house. It's a living room with red wood floors, black leather couches and a long grey counter running along one wall. The counter is empty, and there are shelves with bottles of alcohol behind the counter. There is a coffee table in the middle of the room in between the couches. There is also a white throw rug on the floor. To the right of the couches, there is a single black door with orange-ish wood stairs leading down to the basement. The basement is a long, narrow white room. There is a room raised up by one step as you reach the foot of the stairs, and it is encase by a fence with a small gate in it. There is another smaller set of stairs leading into the next part of the room (still visible and only separated by a half-wall) which is often lit with floodlights. The first part of the room only has small, circular lights that provide little yet substantial light. There is a door as you first come down the stairs along the back wall that leads into a hidden passage that runs paralell along the basement. If you go through the door, you walk through the passage. The passage in and of itself is a large closet, filled with dress-up clothing and old-fashioned toys like china dolls and old wooden rocking horses. When you exit the closet, you're in the end of the basement. It's usually clean, with just a large dollhouse similar to one I have in real life sitting in the corner with the dolls aligned. However, in this dream, the whole room was dark when I came down the stairs save for the circular lights, which were flickering mildly. There was barely any light in the passage, and when I went to the other side of the room, it was pitch black... yet I could still tell that things were in disarray. There was dirty laundry, toys, and all manner of odd things scattered across the floor and I could barely walk... and as I tried to get back to the other side of the room, I could feel eyes watching me and I could feel as if I was being chased, though there was nothing behind me. As I got closer to the end of the room, a small girl with blonde hair wearing ripped jeans and a t-shirt peered out from behind the half-wall and beckoned me to come closer... and that is where the dream ended. It was scary for me, since my biggest fear is the dark and what I can't see/ don't know. I can't find any meaning in it, which is why I post it here- if anyone has any interpretation whatsoever, please leave a comment and tell me. Maddie
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I love you Aunt Michelle. You are pretty. Thank you for your comment. I miss you.
Ashleigh I like to play games. I play Wizard 101. I play it with Maddie and Daddy.I like to visit the online houses.
Ashleigh Did you ever get so busy that you felt you no longer have the time to do the things you like? That feeling hits me all the time. I have been keeping track of how I spend my time over the past couple of days, and I've noticed that while I get a lot of the little things I want to get done accomplished, many of my larger projects fall to the wayside.
I think the problem lies in the amount of time that some of my larger projects would take to do. I work on a computer all day. It is easy to get up to get a cup of coffee and get two or three little tasks done in five or ten minutes...pay the bills, clean up my desk, read an article or two while I drink my coffee. These are the easy ones. Checking my daughters' school work or playing with my daughters usually has to wait until after we have dinner and/or after we get back from karate. Meanwhile, things like taking the girls for a hike or to the museum needs to be put off until the weekend, or in many cases, put off for weeks until everyone's schedules seem to coincide. In the end, what's missing is time. Technology has helped to free up so much time that I have expanded my to do lists to such a level that I always seem to be doing something. Ten years ago, while I worked in New York, every day I had about two hours in the morning and another two at night where I didn't have to do anything but sit and relax while the bus or train ran me home. Although I hated the commute, it did give me a time to cool down and just relax, evry morning and every evening. Do I think I would like to do the daily commute again? No. What I do think I'd like is to pencil in some "me time" every day. Maybe twenty minutes in the morning before everyone gets up to just sit and enjoy a cup of coffee. And the same in the evening. Right now, I get up get dressed and start reading through my emails. Then I check the news sites to make sure there was no new news for my companies. At night, after playing with my daughters, it's back to checking the news, in case I have to get ahead of anything. All said, time to pencil in some me time and focus my work time during the day a little more effectively so that everything still gets done with the precision it needs and deserves. We'll see how the new schedule works out. Time to make time! Today as I took my shower (because what better place for deep thinking?), I was thinking about how some people get caught up in themselves, especially their appearance. I'm not begrudging people who want to look nice; there's nothing wrong with that and I myself prefer to look nice when going out. It comes to an extreme when you begin getting self-improving, unecessary surgery, posting hundreds of selfies per day, putting on drastic amounts of makeup... etc. etc. etc.
I always wonder why people do this... beauty means nothing! Sure, it's nice to be beautiful but in the end... beauty fades! What truly matters is your personality and who you are inside. THAT is what will truly last and is what people will remember; NOT that one time you got your eyeliner evenly aligned. I'm not saying to put no effort into your appearance- it's still fine. Just while doing so, remember that it's more important to be a kind person and to be beautiful on the inside. I've seen too many of my friends get caught up in their appearance and then turn into complete witches, and it's not a pretty transition. If you can look gorgeous while maintaining a beautiful soul, then by all means go for it; but don't let beauty take away your kindness. It's not worth it. One of my favorite quotes is "A fake rose looks nice, but will never smell beautiful." It's so true: if you only look pretty on the outside, but are a complete b-word to people, no one is gonna like you. Maddie Lucky started off life lazy. He was one of a litter of 8 male puppies, and was likely one of the more dominant puppies. He was EXTREMELY fat, weighing 55 pounds at only 2 months old. It is believed that he would finish his food first, then bump his brother out of the way and continue down the line, stealing food until he reached the end. To this day, he still scarfs his food down quickly and looks around for more. When we first brought him home, he was so fat that he could barely get himself up and walk around- his schedule was eat, drink, bathroom, sleep. And repeat. For weeks. Until finally, we took him to the vet and found out that he was eating too much, and we were able to adjust his diet and he finally started being lively and acting like a puppy.
The years have progressed faster than I want them to, and Lucky is now almost 4 years old. He is still as active, if not MORE active than when he was a puppy and has learned many tricks. He has an affinity for eating tin cans, stealing gloves, and dragging tree limbs in from the woods, but is in general a well-behaved dog. He's quite smart, too- he loves to try tricking everyone in the house into thinking he hasn't eaten by running outside and showing up at a separate door then when he got let out (he is trained to be fed when he comes in). All in all, I love Lucky very much. He is stupid enough to make me laugh, loyal enough to be there for me, and is a great dog. Maddie My hair is pretty I wear it long. Sometimes I curl it. Sometimes I braid it. I wear pony tails and pig tails too!
Ashleigh Every once in a while it's good idea to change up your work out routine. Last night, I did three five-minute rounds on the heavy bag. Ever wonder what kind of shape you are really in? Do three rounds on a heavy bag and you'll find out!.
In the first round, I am fresh and I start out hitting the bag fast and hard. The combinations I use are my most trusted...the ones I know I can throw out quickly and with power. Left jab, right straight punch, body shot, body shot. After two minutes, I'm huffing and my combinations are slowing down. At three minutes, the bag is swaying on its chain, and its a great time to practice the timing of the combinations I'm throwing...moving with the bag so that it doesn't swing into me. Left jab, left jab, move out of the way. The bag starts to swing away, jump in and connect with two hard body shots... as the bag reaches the height of its arc, a strong overhand right aimed at where I imagine its face would be if it was a person. Ding! DIng! End of round one. The one minute rest is welcomed. I watch as a lower belt receives instruction in sparring...follow the kick with punches! How easy it is to forget that one. Throw a kick and forget to punch and receive a punch to your head for your troubles. Always attack with combinations. My daughter is his opponent. She pops him in the head lightly each time he forgets to throw a combo. Good girl. Ding, Ding. Time for round two! Only a minute of quick hard combinations this time. My stamina, while better than it was 10 years ago, isn't where it was when I was 20...yet. I'm working towards it. My goal is to get my weight back to where it was while I was in high school, an even 200 pounds. Snap, bang! I hit the bag with a jab followed by a roundhouse elbow. At the three minute mark, I'm in a groove now. The sweat rolls down my back as I practice my power hits. These are the punches and strikes I like to think I'll use to end a real fight quickly. Will I be able to land one of them with power in a real fight? I don't know. I do know that I won't be able to do so if I don't practice them. A lesson my Dad taught me a long time ago comes back to me..."practice like you are going to do it in a game!" He was talking about basketball, but the lesson holds true in everything in life...including karate. I hit the bag hard twice. In a real fight, I'm not gonna give them a love tap! Two black belts bang into me as they spar behind me. I didn't see them coming, breaking the unwritten rule to always pay attention to your surroundings. Ding, ding! End of round two. Deep breaths! Round two has taken a lot out of me. I'm pleased my punches are still hitting with power. My shoulders ache from keeping my arms up and my left knee is throbbing. The bruise on my foot is tender and letting me know that I missed catching the bag with my shin at least once...probably more than once. Practice makes perfect when it comes to timing! Ding! Round three, and time to see it through. Power hits! No pretending to be fast this time! I'm hitting the bag with the intention of seeing it bend where my hand impacts it. Left hook, left hook, right body shot. I'm moving good and breathing heavy. Out of the corner of my eye, I see my daughter sparring another opponent. I turn to watch as she lands a kick and a punch to the other girl's chin. Not bad. She comes in again and the other girl catches her with a glancing blow from a spinning back fist. "You got three minutes to go over there" Hanshi shouts to me. He's right! I lost focus. Back to the bag. I'm sucking wind now. Fifteen minutes doesn't sound like much, but it is, and my muscles are screaming. Ding, the bell rings to announce the last minute of the round. I move in and hit the bag hard and fast. I want to hit it hard and fast for the last minute, but with 20 seconds to go I've slowed. I hit the bag for the last few seconds but my power has waned. As the final bell rings, I grasp the bag and allow it to hold me up. Sucking wind, I look up and the dojo is as it always is. The students are finishing up forms or are quietly talking while resting after a round of sparring. I've caught my breath and it's time to bow out. Tired, but not beaten, I turn and look at the bag as I walk off the floor. It hangs from its chain as if nothing has happened...I wish I had that stamina! This chapter of the book was just these 33 moments of happiness… they were written by a man and his friend when they got stuck in a temple for 10 days due to bad weather. While they take up most of the paper, I included them all because I think they are a great example of, once again, the little things in life and how important and significant they are. I am going to include these 33 moments of happiness, but I am also going to write my own 33 and ALSO: I challenge my readers to make a list of 33 little things that make them happy and leave it in a comment below.
1) Jumping barefoot into rain puddles while it is thundering and lightning out. 2) Walking in the woods on a cold day in the fall, listening to the birds and other animals. 3) Finding a radio station in the car that plays non-stop techno music. 4) Long, deep talks with Dad when I get depressed or feel lonely. 5) Talking to my friends and feeling their support and knowing that they care about me. 6) Turning somersaults in the cold lake water with my sister during the summer. 7) Burning incense outside and sitting on my rock, thinking about everything. 8) Sitting quietly in the living room with my family, watching the wood stove fire burn out. 9) Staying up until 1:00 playing the name game with my family. 10) The feeling of relief after beating a hard boss in a game. 11) The clarity that comes from writing emotional poetry. 12) Walking along the beach with my dad and sister, collecting seashells. 13) Attempting to tackle my mom when I was little, and never succeeding. 14) Spinning in a circle for five minutes, then collapsing and watching the ceiling spin. 15) Feeling shivers crawl up my spine while reading a book. 16) Looking at my best friend and knowing that we are thinking the same thing. 17) The first sip of a cold drink on a hot day in summer. 18) The taunting smell of pizza as you struggle through a hard workout in karate. 19) Whirlpool baths in the Jacuzzi after a hard black belt test. 20) The feeling of pride and accomplishment that comes after a black belt test. 21) Finishing the icing on a cake and seeing that it is completely smooth, with no ridges. 22) Watching others smile and enjoy the food you made. 23) Talking to my dog, knowing that he doesn’t judge me and will never tell my secrets. 24) Hugs from my sister when I feel down. 25) Going to an empty park and being able to do whatever you want. 26) Picnics in the woods during the summer. 27) Listening to a song that describes my mood perfectly. 28) When I let my hair down after karate. 29) Watching my dog dive after a stick and going underwater. 30) Going through my memory box on nights when I can’t sleep. 31) The mini heart-attack you have right before a huge drop on a roller coaster. 32) Hugging my friends when they get down or upset. 33) When my sister flipped someone off at the mall and made me laugh… Ah, is this not happiness? Those are my 33 moments of happiness… when you write your 33, keep in mind that it can be little things OR big… but if you use a lot of big things, you are going to have a harder time deciphering the importance of the little things. Most of mine were little, but I threw in a couple of big things too. Just remember not to base your life and its worth off of “big” things because they so rarely happen… take time to look for the small joys in life and enjoy those instead. Then, when something big actually does come around it will make it that much more special, because instead of LOOKING for the big you waited, took your time, and enjoyed the little things. Below are the original 33: 1. It is a hot day in June when the sun hangs still in the sky and there is not a whiff of wind in the air, nor a trace of clouds; the front and back yards are hot like an oven and not a single bird dares to fly about. Perspiration flows down my whole body in little rivulets. There is the noonday meal before me, but I cannot take it for the sheer heat. I ask for a mat to spread on the ground and lie down, but the mat is wet with moisture and flies swarm about to rest on my nose and refuse to be driven away. Just at this moment when I am completely helpless, suddenly there is a rumbling of thunder and big sheets of black clouds overcast the sky and come majestically on like a great army advancing to battle. Rain-water begins to pour down from the eaves like a cataract. The perspiration stops. The clamminess of the ground is gone. All flies disappear to hide themselves and I can eat my rice. Ah, is this not happiness? 2. A friend, one I have not seen for ten years, suddenly arrives at sunset. I open the door to receive him, and without asking whether he came by boat or by land, and without bidding him to sit on the bed or the couch, I go to the inner chamber and ask my wife: “Have you got a gallon of wine like Su Tungp’o's wife?” My wife gladly takes out her gold hairpin to sell it. I calculate it will last us three days. Ah, is this not happiness? 3. I am sitting alone in an empty room and I am just getting annoyed at a little mouse at the head of my bed, and wondering what that little rustling sound signifies – what article of mine he is biting or what volume of my books he is eating up. While I am in this state of mind and don’t know what to do, I suddenly see a ferocious-looking cat, wagging its tail and staring with its wide-open eyes, as if it were looking at something. I hold my breath and wait a moment, keeping perfectly still, and suddenly with a little sound the mouse disappears like a whiff of wind. Ah, is this not happiness? 4. I have pulled out the hait’ang and chiching (flowering trees) in front of my studio, and have just planted ten or twenty green banana trees there. Ah, is this not happiness? 5. I am drinking with some romantic friends on a spring night and am just half intoxicated, finding it difficult to stop drinking and equally difficult to go on. An understanding boy servant at the side suddenly brings in a package of big fire-crackers, about a dozen in number, and I rise from the table and go and fire them off. The smell of sulphur assails my nostrils and enters my brain and I feel comfortable all over my body. Ah, is this not happiness? 6. I am walking in the street and see two poor rascals engaged in a hot argument of words with their faces flushed and their eyes staring with anger as if they were mortal enemies, and yet they still pretend to be ceremonious to each other, raising their arms and bending their waists in salute, and still using the most polished language of thou and thee and wherefore and is it not so? The flow of words is interminable. Suddenly there appears a big husky fellow swinging his arms and coming up to them, and with a shout tells them to disperse. Ah, is this not happiness? 7. To hear our children recite the classics so fluently, like the sound of water pouring from a vase. Ah, is this not happiness? 8. Having nothing to do after a meal I go to the shops and take a fancy to a little thing. After bargaining for some time, we still haggle about a small difference, but the shop-boy still refuses to sell it. Then I take out a little thing from my sleeve, which is worth about the same thing as the difference and throw it at the boy. The boy suddenly smiles and bows courteously saying, “Oh, you are too generous!” Ah, is this not happiness? 9. I have nothing to do after a meal and try to go through the things in some old trunks. I see there are dozens of IOUs from people who owe my family money. Some of them are dead and some still living, but in any case there is no hope of their returning the money. Behind people’s backs I put them together in a pile and make a bonfire of them, and I look up to the sky and see the last trace of smoke disappear. Ah, is this not happiness? 10. It is a summer's day. I go bareheaded and barefooted, holding a parasol, to watch young people singing Soochow fol-songs while treading the water-wheel. The water comes up over the wheel in a gushing torrent like molten silver or melting snow. Ah, is this not happiness? 11. I wake up in the morning and seem to hear someone in the house sighing and saying that last night someone died. I immediately ask to find out who it is, and learn that it is the sharpest, most calculating fellow in town. Ah, is this not happiness? 12. I get up early on a summer morning and see people sawing a large bamboo pole under a mat-shed, to be used as a water-pipe. Ah, is this not happiness? 13. It has been raining for a whole month and I lie in bed in the morning like one drunk or ill, refusing to get up. Suddenly I hear a chorus of birds announcing a clear day. Quickly I pull aside the curtain, push open a window and see the beautiful sun shining and glistening and the forest looks like it's having a bath. Ah, is this not happiness? 14. At night I seem to hear someone thinking of me in the distance. The next day I go to call on him. I enter his door and look about his room and see that this person is sitting at his desk, facing south, reading a document. He sees me, nods quietly and pulls me by the sleeve to make me sit down, saying, “Since you are here, come and look at this.” And we laugh and enjoy ourselves until the shadows on the walls have disappeared. He is feeling hungry himself and slowly asks me, “Are you hungry, too?" Ah, is this not happiness? 15. Without any serious intention of building a house of my own, I happened, nevertheless, to start building one because a little sum had unexpectedly come my way. From that day on, every morning and every night, I was told that I needed to buy timber and stone and tiles and bricks and mortar and nails. And I explored and exhausted every avenue of getting some money, all on account of this house, until I got sort of resigned to this state of things. One day, finally, the house is completed, the walls have been whitewashed and the floors swept clean; the paper windows have been pasted and scrolls and paintings are hung up on the walls. All the workmen have left, and my friends have arrived, sitting on different couches in order. Ah, is this not happiness? 16. I am drinking on a winter’s night, and suddenly note that the night has turned extremely cold. I push open the window and see that snowflakes come down the size of a palm and there are already three or four inches of snow on the ground. Ah, is this not happiness? 17. To cut with a sharp knife a bright green water-melon on a big scarlet plate of a summer afternoon. Ah, is this not happiness? 18. I have long wanted to become a monk, but was worried because I would not be permitted to eat meat. If, then, I could be permitted to eat meat publicly, why, then I could heat a basin of hot water, and with the help of a sharper razor, shave my head clean in a summer month! Ah, is this not happiness? 19. To keep three or four spots of eczema in a private part of my body and now and then to scald or bathe it with hot water behind closed doors. Ah, is this not happiness? 20. To find accidentally a handwritten letter of some old friend in a trunk. Ah, is this not happiness? 21. A poor scholar comes to borrow money from me, but is shy about mentioning the topic, and so he allows the conversation to drift along on other topics. I see his uncomfortable situation, pull him aside to a place where we are alone and ask him how much he needs. Then I go inside and give him the sum and after having done this, I ask him: “Must you go immediately to settle this matter or can you stay awhile and have a drink with me?” Ah, is this not happiness? 22. I am sitting in a small boat. There is a beautiful wind in our favour, but our boat has no sails. Suddenly there appears a big lorcha (tropical fish), coming along as fast as the wind. I try to hook on to the lorcha in the hope of catching on to it, and unexpectedly the hook does catch. Then I throw over a rope and we are towed along and I begin to sing the lines of Tu Fu: “The green makes me feel tender towards the peaks, and the red tells me there are oranges.” And we break out in joyous laughter. Ah, is this not happiness? 23. I have long been looking for a house to share with a friend but have not been able to find a suitable one. Suddenly, someone brings news that there is a house somewhere, not too big, but with only about a dozen rooms, and that it faces a big river with beautiful green trees around. I ask this man to stay for supper, and after the supper we go over together to have a look, having no idea what the house is like. Entering the gate, I see that there is a large vacant lot, and I say to myself, “I shall not have to worry about the supply of vegetables and melons henceforth.” Ah, is this not happiness? 24. A traveller returns home after a long journey, and he sees the old city gate and hears the women and children on both banks of the river talking in his own dialect. Ah, is this not happiness? 25. When a good piece of old porcelain is broken, you know there is no hope of repairing it. The more you turn it about and look at it, the more you are exasperated. I then hand it to the cook, and give orders that he shall never let that broken porcelain bowl come within my sight again. Ah, is this not happiness? 26. I am not a saint, and am therefore not without sin. In the night I did something wrong and I get up in the morning and feel extremely ill at ease about it. Suddenly I remember what is taught by Buddhism, that not to cover one’s sins is the same as repentance. So then I begin to tell my sin to the entire company around, whether they are strangers or my old friends. Ah, is this not happiness? 27. To watch someone writing big characters a foot high. Ah, is this not happiness? 28. To open the window and let a wasp out from the room. Ah, is this not happiness? 29. A magistrate orders the beating of the drum and calls it a day. Ah, is this not happiness? 30. To see someone’s kite-line broken. Ah, is this not happiness? 31. To see a wild prairie fire. Ah, is this not happiness? 32. To have just finished repaying all one’s debts. Ah, is this not happiness? 33. To read the Story of Curly-Beard (who gave up his house to a pair of eloping lovers then disappeared). Ah, is this not happiness? It is cold outside. The snow is high. And the wind blows the clouds in the sky. I like winter.
ashleigh For those of you visiting here from face book looking for my daughter's post that I highlighted, scroll down. It is the post entitled Happy Birthday! Ashleigh, Maddie and I all post thoughts here daily so the stories have a tendency to get pushed down the page rather quickly.
Well, I turned 49 yesterday, and I thought I'd use today's post to talk about changes that occur in all of us that just aren't apparent unless you stop and reflect. Some friends I have say that nothing ever changes and that their day to day life is just more of the same. I beg to differ. Changes occur in everyone's lives, it's just that the larger changes to our way of thinking take time to develop. When I was nine, it was important to me to build my baseball card collection and practice and watch sports. My days were filled by riding my bike, going to school and exploring the woods around my house, among so many other things. Summers were long, and school was boring. By nineteen, my priorities had changed. "Partying" was a way of life and having a girl friend to share my time and hopes and dreams with was high on my list of important things. School remained boring, but was useful in furthering my education anyway. History and English were two of my favorite subjects and I remember reading voraciously. At twenty-nine, change was still visible, yet seemed to be moving at a glacial pace. Yes, I was still into partying and dating, but new pursuits were driving my world view. I bought a house two years before and paying off the mortgage was high on my list of things to do with spare cash. I was out of school and building my career in finance was important to me. Learning remained a focus and I was constantly reading on a number of varied subjects, although I must admit that finance, history, classical literature and science fiction were predominant. My views on dating were also changing. I was no longer just looking for a pretty face to hang out with. I was now looking for someone to settledown with. At thirty nine I was in the midst of significant changes. Marriage and a child had brought major alterations to my life style. I no longer drank or smoked cigars and nor did I want to. I was laid off from a corporate job at Merrill Lynch and after a short stint at a hedge fund, I started my own consulting business. My focus was for providing for my family, enjoying their company, and building my business. It was around this time that I also started searching for something better. Although we were happy in our rural house in Western New Jersey, state and federal taxes were crushing, and traffic and overbuilding were beginningto become a drag. My business was strong and since it was internet based, we saw no reason to stay where it was crowded and expensive. It was at this point that we started exploring moving to New Hampshire to escape New Jersey's high taxes and find a better place to raise our child. Now I am forty nine and my life and goals have again altered. We moved to New Hampshire in late 2006. My wife's illness had gotten progressively worse over the years, although she hid it well. The severity of her condition came out while she was pregnant with our second child. Ashleigh was born two weeks premature and suffering from alcohol withdrawal. I took her home from the hospital when she was four days old and never looked back. My wife loved our children dearly, but she had become too sick to help with their upbringing. We divorced in 2011 for the safety of the children, and she died in August 2013. At forty nine, my life has changed radically. I continue to work from home, although I no longer have my own business. Oddly enough, I work for the same company now where I started my career. A friend, who has continued to work there for the past twenty years told me that they were now letting people work from home full time, so I applied to work from home and was graciously welcomed back. Sometimes in life things do move in a full circle! I work from home and home school my children. I try to teach them to pursue their dreams, but to also recognize and enjoy the little things in their life as the little things happen much more frequently than the larger events in life that many people equate with happiness. Am I happy? I don't know. I think so. I have good friends, goals, and two daughters who make me extremely happy. My Mom has moved in to help me with the girls now that my Dad has passed away and she is a tremendous help. Although I enjoy writing research, I now believe my calling is to educate my daughters and make sure that they know how to think for themselves. Do I see any more changes on the horizon? Always. Life is a journey, and you only grow by moving forward. THE CASTLE
The castle was torn down Only ruins remain The dust is settling on the wounds Infecting, causing pain Something that looked so strong That held still for many years, Has fallen into disrepair, And caused so many tears The storm, the deadly enemy Striking when you least expect Wiping down the mark of dignity, Stealing every ounce of respect My walls crashed down around me, As I stand broken in the dust The tears I cried, the day you died Have slowly turned to rust Perhaps my castle wasn't strong, It collapsed within itself Built on a foundation Of my unstable mental health Brick by brick, board by board, I'll slowly build it back, But the happiness I once dreamed of, Has all now faded to black. For my karate friends, I just want it to be clear that this article is NOT about how to apply a back-breaking bear hug. No, this is a post about how hugging your loved ones can help to make both you and them happier by simply giving and receiving hugs.
Medical research has shown that hugging can help to alleviate feelings of loneliness, stress and depression, but even more importantly it can also help to cure sickness and disease. Even before reading the study, I had made it a point to hug my children regularly. At a minimum, I give my daughters hugs each morning when they wake up and again before they go to bed. I also try to give them hugs of encouragement throughout the day or as a reward for doing a good job on...just about anything! Although my wife and I always hugged the girls when they got up in the morning and before bed, it was after my wife passed away that I truly began to feel the power of hugs. I found that the hugs were a favorite part of my day and that they were helping me to work through my grief. The medicl journals say that hugs instantly boost oxytocin levels, which help to heal feelings of loneliness, isolation and anger. Moreover, hugs that last more than six seconds were also shown to boost serotonin levels. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter produced by the body that helps to elevate mood and create feelings of happiness. Other benefits of hugging include: that it can surreptitiously build a sense of trust and open communication between recipients. The journals also point out that self esteem is also boosted by hugging (who knew!) and that the immune system may also receive a boost. While all of that stuff is great, in the end, hugs can express a number of feelings that sometimes just can't be expressed with words. I remember the last time I saw my wife conscious before she died. My daughters and I were leaving for New Jersey...I was taking my daughter Maddie to her first concert to see Victoria Justice. We stopped by to see my wife, who was living in Jaffrey (why we were living apart is not pertinent to the story here). As we left her house, she stopped me and gave me a long hug and a kiss on the cheek. There was nothing sexual about the hug. At the time, I felt it was the kind of hug you gave someone when you were saying goodbye, and you were not certain you would ever see them again. My feelings were prophetic. While we were in New Jersey, my wife was rushed to the hospital bleeding internally. Although she lived for two more weeks, I never saw her conscious again. For the last six hours of her life, I held her, and she died in my arms. In the weeks that passed, I thought back on the hug she gave me before we left and it gave me solace to know that my wife still loved me in the waning days of her life. Her embrace had conveyed all of that to me without a word being spoken. Hugs have a way of communicating feelings even if the words remain unspoken. I hope that in the end, my final embrace with my wife as I held her in those final hours was able to convey the great love that I have for her as well. I hope that the hugs I give my daughters convey the love I have for them and that no matter what happens in their lives, they know that I will always love them and be there for them. I do school work every day. I do my work neatly. I like to read.
Ashleigh Today is my Dad's 49th Birthday! I just wanted to put this post out as a thank you to my Dad- he has been raising me and my sister single-handed for the past 6 years now: teaching us, caring for us, and loving us unconditionally. He is the best role model I have and I love him very much. So, Dad, have a happy birthday and know that I love you. Thank you for teaching me so many things, for helping me when I need it, for keeping me in line, for hugging me every day, for giving me a reason to laugh and smile each day, for keeping me honest, for guiding me, for helping me reach my goals, for playing with me, for reminding me to stay happy, for talking to me when I'm down, for introducing me to new things, and for being the best Dad ever.
Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, I hope that you know That all I wrote is true I love you so much, You've helped me a lot All the things that you've taught me Will not be forgot Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, You're my favorite person, 100% true. Maddie is my sister. Maddie is pretty. She helps me with my school work. I love Maddie!
Hello and good afternoon! Or morning... or night.. whenever you read this, anyway. Today I wanted to write about how blogging works. For me, I like to blog about whatever I am thinking about- but there are many different types of blogs. Some are set up for home purposes, family help, life hacks, maitenance, clubs, hobbies- the list goes on. You can write about pretty much anything. Blogging for me is a good way of expressing myself and getting my thoughts "out there". I started blogging about 3 years ago and started with only family members and one or two of my friends reading my blog.
Fast forward to today, and I have accumulated over 10,000 pageviews, have about 15-20 regular blog readers, and rack up about 350 pageviews per month. I have readers all over the world, from Canada, Russia, England to Australia. I love knowing that people actually enjoy reading my work- it gives me a sense of accomplishment and motivates me to keep blogging. I blog daily on my other site (www.maddiesthinkathought.blogspot.com) on all school days, not weekends or holidays. If you'd like to start blogging, I recommend Tumblr, Blogger and Weebly. They are easy to use, free, and let you express yourself. While you may not get pageviews, likes or reads right away, it is still good to get your opinions out there. For me, it often leaves me a sense of clarity. If you do start blogging, or already have a blog- please leave a comment below with the link to it! I'd be more than happy to check it out. Maddie 6. Avoid people who do not share your "core" values - This one can be hard, because sometimes it can involve family members. This one should be a no brainer. If a person isn't honest, or pleasant or ...add your own adjectives here... why would you want them in your lives? They say there is honor among thieves. Don't believe it! If you are not a thief, then don't associate with one.
I, like many people, have a Facebook page and have many contacts. While I enjoy keeping up with what is happening with my friends lives, there are some people I just have to turn off the newsfeeds for. These people have a constant stream of complaints about people and things that just make me not want to hear about it any more. While everyone has the occasional bad day and may vent about it, the people I am talking about are the ones who continually make bad decisions, and then are surprised when things turn out wrong! Ever hear of the woman who likes the "Bad boy" image, and then complains and cries after the guys she dates cheat on her or steal from her...or are "lazy"? Or what about the friend who constantly drinks too much, but complains about the hangover or is annoyed at the cops for giving him a DWI. Ugh! they never learn. My advice, turn them off and tune them out. Spend time with people who share your values. You'll be happier! 7. Surround yourself with people you love, like, or respect - This rule works hand in hand with rule 6! Life is just so much more enjoyable when you surround yourself with people who are pleasant and comfortable to be around. Now, I don't mean that I want to surround myself with people who think exactly like me. No, I like to hear many different points of view on all types of subjects. What I mean is that I want people in my life that I can trust and enjoy their company. 8. Let logic dictate your actions - If turning right on Elm Street leads you to a dead end on Monday, then it is pretty damn certain that turning right on Tuesday or any day will lead you to that same dead end! Although my example is simple, many people can't seem to make that same leap in other parts of their life. Here are some easy ones that people seem to always get wrong: The odds are stacked against you when you play the lottery, or go to the casino..."Someone has to win it!" does not justify your poor decision! Excessive drinking can kill you. Just ask my wife...when you get to heaven, that is, since it did kill her. There is only a fine line between excessive drinking and what you do. If you are having more than one, you are having too many. And if you are only having one, then why do it? My favorite: If the value of every fiat currency in the history of the world has eventually collapsed to zero, why do people expect the fate of the U.S. dollar to be any different? The dollar has already lost more than 95% of its value since it was first instituted in 1913. Where is the value in that? So what does logic dictate? Let me guess, you'll think about it over a couple of glasses of wine tonight. My heart weeps for many of you. 9. If you make a promise, try to over deliver - Everyone loves to get more than they expect. If you say you will do something for someone, do it with a gracious heart and without expectation of reward. I find when I do this, good things happen to me in return. Not only from the person I have helped but from unexpected directions! I don't know why this works, it just does. This goes back to knowing yourself. If you don't want to do something, then don't promise to do it! If you do promise to do it, then do it to the best of your ability. 10. Be flexible - Life brings many changes. If you don't change with it, you may get overwhelmed. Not everything will always go to plan. When you realize this, you'll be more apt to change your plan. Notice I said, change your plan and not your goal...there is a difference! If a tree falls across my path, I will make a new path around or over it. Being flexible in thought and action will allow you to overcome your obstacles. I hope you enjoyed my 10 rules for living, and that they at least made you think. What are your rules to live by? Leave yours in a comment. I'd love to some day write a post on all of the different rules of life that my readers follow. A strange first post on a fresh blog, I know... But I wanted to talk about my little sister's karate class. The class is offered for younger children ages 3-6 who are either too immature for the regular kids class or too small. Currently, about 8-10 little kids show up to each class (two classes are held each week). Classes are only 30 minutes each, as opposed to the 45 minute kids classes and the hour-long adult classes.
Mainly, class is spent doing short, fun, and engaging activities to keep the interest of the kids. Basic self defense and simple blocking forms are taught at 10 minutes each, along with stretching and occasional sparring. All the little ones enjoy it and love "kiaying" and trying to shout over one another when doing punches and kicks. However, while the kids are allowed to have fun, misbehavior is not allowed and troublemakers are dealt with calmly. I will add pictures later- but for now, I actually have to go get my sister dressed for her class at 4:30 today. If you live in New England and are interested in karate lessons, look up Sullivan's USA Karate. They have many school locations throughout New England- we train at the Jaffrey NH school. Thanks for reading! Maddie Hello, my name is Ashleigh! I am 5 years old. I like toys!
Ashleigh |
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