I decided to follow my dad's idea and pay tribute to my mom through relevant song lyrics. I tend to listen to music for their lyrics; so I had an easy time finding this song. After reading my dad's post; I have to admit that I teared up slightly because of the words from the song and knowing he and my mother's connection. It's depressing to think the love that was lost through careless actions. I myself regret never saying enough to my mother; and not getting PROPER closure... throughout most of my mother's illness I'm ashamed to say that I was angry at her for lack of understanding and in the end; while I got SOME closure... I never got to have that final talk with her. I don't think any of us did; really. These lyrics are from the song "Words" by Skylar Grey.
Always in a rush Never stay on the phone long enough Why am I so self-important? Said I'd see you soon But that was, oh, maybe a year ago Didn't know time was of the essence So many questions But I'm talking to myself I know that you can't hear me any more Not anymore So much to tell you And most of all goodbye But I know that you can't hear me any more It's so loud inside my head With words that I should have said And as I drown in my regrets I can't take back the words I never said I never said I can't take back the words I never said Always talking shit Took your advice and did the opposite Just being young and stupid I haven't been all that you could've hoped for But if you'd held on a little longer You'd have had more reasons to be proud So many questions But I'm talking to myself I know that you can't hear me any more Not anymore So much to tell you And most of all goodbye But I know that you can't hear me any more It's so loud inside my head With words that I should have said And as I drown in my regrets I can't take back the words.
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Today I want to talk about friends. Some I meet at church every Sunday. Others I meet
twice a week at Karate. We talk, and laugh. It is fun to be with my friends. Ashleigh Sometimes, things are said so perfectly that you just have to quote the whole thing. I was thinking about my wife tonight, and this song came to mind. Although things weren't always smooth between me and my wife (the alcohol played a large part in that), we always loved each other. In the end, I divorced my wife to protect our children. Her drinking was getting out of control and it was endangering the girls. We remained close after the divorce and I held her for six hours after they removed her life support. She died in my arms. Here's to you Babe. If I could save time in a bottle The first thing that I'd like to do Is to save every day till eternity passes away Just to spend them with you If I could make days last forever If words could make wishes come true I'd save every day like a treasure and then Again, I would spend them with you But there never seems to be enough time To do the things you want to do, once you find them I've looked around enough to know That you're the one I want to go through time with If I had a box just for wishes And dreams that had never come true The box would be empty, except for the memory of how They were answered by you But there never seems to be enough time To do the things you want to do, once you find them I've looked around enough to know That you're the one I want to go through time with Jim Croce
Today I am going to talk about videos. I can make funny ones. I like making videos.
I can make Videos with my iPad. I usually catch Daddy doing something funny. Ashleigh What is the meaning of life?
It is not to find love, or to be loved. Because all love ends at some point; either stolen by death or by another. It is not to find someone to share life with, because in the end, all we have is us. It is not to always win and dominate everything; for living life in such a way would lead to great disappointment. It is not to always help others; because being too kind will get you stepped on and used. It is not to be alone... loneliness can drive one to insanity. I believe that the meaning of life is not one thing, but many. To be wise, but not to a fault. To be smart (there is a difference between being wise and being smart). To be kind and generous, with limits. To be accepting and loving, because who are you to judge others. To know when judgement is proper. To be peaceful, with both others and yourself. To be happy in ways that won't bring others down. To share your life with others; without being dependent on them. To be harmonious. These are the values that I believe make our lives complete. No one can truly master all of them; but the best we can do is try. Try to improve yourself every day, and live your life in the best way possible. Stay happy. - Maddie "We all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own." Yep. you guessed it. That's Marcus Aurelius again.
When I read the above quote, I stopped and thought "Why is that I wonder?" He is kind of correct there in what he says. We all, to some extent, love ourselves. There is something about each of us that makes us look out for our own self preservation. At the same time, many of us worry about what other people think of us. I've noticed that since I have moved away from New Jersey, I really don't care how people perceive me. I wear jeans and a t-shirt daily, and I rarely dress up. Back when I worked in New York, I wore a suit nearly every day. Every day when I was in the city anyway. Nowadays, I still wear a suit when I go into the office in New York. The question is why? My employer knows that I do good work for them. My reports rarely need major edits and everything is always in on time. If I went into the office with my full beard and in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, would anything really change? No. And yet, I simply won't do it! People have preconceived ideas about what an analyst looks like. They wear a suit, they are well barbered and they wear nice shoes and a tie. Nothing can be further from the truth though. For the past twelve years, I worked with hedge funds all over the east coast. What I noticed was that nearly none of the analysts and portfolio managers I met with wore a suit regularly. The first time I met them, they usually had a suit on. But after that they usually just wore a polo shirt and khakis (or something similar). These men are some of the top analysts and portfolio managers on the Street. And yet, they did not wear suits on a daily basis. To tell you the truth, I don't think many of my business associates would be surprised or shocked to see me in jeans and a T-shirt. I also don't think they would be surprised to see me with a full beard. So, if the top guys on the Street more often than not dress casually, then why is everyone so worried about suits and dressing nicely. It is because of how they want to be perceived! Not everyone is at a level where they feel comfortable not wearing the "uniform" of their trade. Many firms want their people to look professional... even though the top professionals, for the most part, dress casually most of the time. Don't get me wrong, they do wear suits... but just when they are trying to impress. Most times, when they are not expecting to be seen by people they don't know, they dress more casually. No matter how hard we try people, other people's opinions seem to matter to us. Particularly when it comes to their opinions about us. My advice: Love yourself. Respect your own opinion about yourself. And dress up when you feel there is a need to. The last time I dressed up was a few months ago for my friend's father's funeral. The time before that was in 2014, the last time I went into my office in New York. Some habits die hard! Today I read a new book '' Space Cat ''. Space Cat Crash landed on another planet
because a Space rock made a hole in his fuel tank. There he met King Zorp. He fixed a machine for him and was given fuel to go home. Ashleigh I love this quote so much. It's so truthful too... I think the point that the person was trying to say is that the only limitations we have in our lives are the ones we set for ourselves. Sadly; most of us limit ourselves in our thoughts and words. My dad constantly tells me that words have power; and that how you think affects how you live. If any of you have actually read his posts; you'd know this too. I really agree with him on this. Your thoughts control you; more than you'd know... they become your beliefs and those shape your character. As said by Lao Tzu:
“Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.” I see so many go through life dragging themselves down through their self-given opinions; stating that they are ugly when they are beautiful; or shy when they are outgoing. Their belief of themselves changes how they act and who they are; and thus by them believing it's true; everyone around them begins to believe it too. You trick yourself into falsehood. Telling yourself that you cannot do something almost guarantees that you will never do it, unless you change your mindset. Change your thoughts and you can change your life; you really can. I don't know. I didn't want to do a particularly long post on this subject since my dad has written about it before; so here you go; I guess. Just a little food for thought throughout your day. - Maddie Well, it had to happen. I finally found a Marcus Aurelius quote that I disagree with. The quote in question is: “Whatever happens to you has been waiting to happen since the beginning of time. The twining strands of fate wove both of them together: your own existence and the things that happen to you.”
I disagree with this quote wholeheartedly! The quote seems to be saying that things are predestined to happen and that you have no control over anything in your life. Not only do I find this quote incorrect, but I also find it at odds with nearly everything I have read by Marcus Aurelius. Usually, Aurelius writes about doing your best and changing your thoughts and actions to change your world. This quote says nearly the exact opposite. If everything was predestined, then why do anything? Why bother to worry about whether what you are doing is right or wrong, since in the end it doesn't really matter. What a crock of bull! I believe everything we do matters. That is why I find it important to do my best, no matter what I am doing. If everyone acted as if what they did didn't matter, then nothing would be done properly... it's destined to be a certain way, so if I do a poor job, then I guess it was just destined that I do a poor job. What rubbish! The only things that are destined to happen are the negative consequences that will occur if you don't do things properly. "For every time there is a season." Think about what you want to happen, and then create it. The only destiny that you have is the one you create yourself. Sure accidents can happen that will change the path that you are on. But these are truly far and few between. Everyone's days have there ups and downs. Most times, you can smooth over the little bumps in the road and still attain what you are striving for. Don't give up... and don't give in to poor thinking. You can achieve what you want to achieve! Nothing is predestined. Do your best, and make your own destiny! Daddy's birthday is coming up next week. My Daddy is going to be 50 years old. Guess
where we are going? we are going to Texas Roadhouse! Happy Birthday Daddy! Ashleigh “Your mind will be like its habitual thoughts; for the soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.” That's another quote by Marcus Aurelius. This man was truly a genius! I can't think of another person who has said so many intelligent things. Not just on one subject mind you, but on many. Tonight's quote, for instance is spot on! If you habitually think something about yourself, your subconscious is going to believe it and make sure that it becomes reality whether it is true or not. I have met very pretty girls who thought they were ugly and/or worthless. They couldn't see the gift god had given them and they walked around hiding from everyone. They tried to stay out of the way and not draw attention to themselves. In a way what they thought became a self-fulfilling prophecy. They believed themselves to be ugly, and even though they weren't, they acted as if they were and people treated them accordingly. No, people did not tell them that they were ugly... they just didn't go out of their way to speak to them. You see, most people do not judge someone by their looks (at least not totally). Instead, they watch people's actions and listen to what they have to say. The girl I knew shied away from talking with people and moved around the outside edges of groups, never really engaging anyone. Well, once things got going, people would forget she was there and she would end up sitting alone on a couch or chair way off in the corner with a sad look on her face. No one was being mean to her. They were just treating her as she seemed to want to be treated... as if she didn't exist! Now that I am older, I remember people from when I was a kid who were rail thin. They always said, oh I can eat what I like because I just don't gain weight... and they would go on to stuff there face on every type of junk food. Not a good idea. Many of these people are now obese. You see, they led themselves to believe that it was okay to eat as much junk food as they wanted. When their metabolism changed. They gained a lot of weight...and kept the same eating habits. Finally, one last example, and this one is more personal. My wife and I met when she was 23 and I was 33. From early on she always told me that she thought she would die young. She actually said on multiple occasions that she would be dead by the time she was 38. I never really thought too much about it. I always realized that words had power, and I would say that to her. Still, she persisted. Not only did she continue to say that, but she also continued to drink heavily on a daily basis. Doctors told her that if she kept drinking she was going to die, but to no avail. Well, To make a long story short, in August, 2013, my wife died. She was six days past her 38th birthday. Essentially, she drank herself to death. She died in my arms after spending two weeks in an intensive care unit in a coma. Words do have power people...And so do thoughts. If you habitually something or think something, your mind will eventually believe it. So watch what you say...even if you don't mean it, your mind just may believe it!
I have two new night gowns. One has a pretty kitten on it. The kitten has a blue bow
and blue eyes on a pink night gown. The other one is a white night gown with pink, blue, and green foxes. My favorite is the kitten nightgown. Ashleigh Today, I tried out a new recipe from one of my cookbooks and it turned out amazing. I used the recipe for Cream Cheese Brownies; and I substituted different pans... and turned out with an awesome cheesecake. Here's the recipe! The only things that are changed are the cake pan; and the time. I used a 9" circular cake pan and baked the cake at 350 for 1 hour and 20 minutes.
You will need:
Let me know what you think; whether you make bars or a cake! - Maddie “Time is a river, a violent current of events, glimpsed once and already carried past us, and another follows and is gone.” Yep, that's another quote by Marcus Aurelius. I would have liked to have met the man. He certainly had a lot of interesting things to say. Even better, he wrote them down... or someone did.
I think at one time or another, all of us say something that should be written down. The problem is, no one does, and so our great pearls of wisdom are lost to the river of time. All of us have some wisdom to share. Oftentimes, our wisdom is wasted on fools, or is thrown out to those who really don't deserve it to begin with. Time really is like a river though. It flows past us. Sometimes it seems to move slowly. Other times it is a fast-moving torrent. Memories seem to be the eddies of the time stream. I should know, I get caught in them constantly...sometimes tortured by them. Over and over round and round the same memories flow through my mind. Sometimes they work to boost me up and push me forward with my life. But, alas, the same memory will then drag me back to where I have already been. Reliving a moment does no good. The outcome can't be changed. How I wish that all of my memories would bring smiles to my face. Life would be much easier if all memories could be good ones. They can. My memories can make me smile, but then that same memory can bring a tear to my eye. An eddy, that never allows you to break free totally. Men have been on this planet for thousands of years. And we think we know what they did and how they lived. And yet, most of us don't even know how are neighbors live. I have a diary I tried to write about ten years ago. In it are ramblings that I thought would remind me of what I was doing. What a farce! I look back at it now and most of it is bullshit that nobody would ever want to read after getting through the first page or two. Hell, I find it boring and I wrote it! For every moment, there is a season. And once that season passes, those moments slip away to be forgotten. Very little of what I wrote about makes up my current memories. Long-winded lines of things that were on my mind then (similar to this, I guess). Nowhere are the memories that I remember back on now. My daughter grabbing my finger just minutes... no seconds after she was born. My daughters first word, shouted over and over again in the local Taco Bell... Da! Da! Da! Da! Da! (Oh, how those moments mean so much to me!). My wife, sitting on a couch beside me reading me her poetry. This was just after we had our first date. My realization that I was falling madly in love with her. Memories of a golden retriever that wanted nothing more than to be by my side. Time, we are in the stream but for a moment. Yet in that moment we must make memories that last for eternity. What memories do you want on your mind at the moment when you will cease to exist? Time is a man-made construct. We are all allotted our time in the sun. What is the meaning of our lives? The meaning is up to you. The meaning of life is to give your life meaning. The saddest thing is to see someone pass away before they figure out that meaning. Valentine's Day is coming up on Sunday. I like Valentine's Day, but not as much as
Halloween. I am going to give cards out to my family. Hopefully, I will get cards in return! Ashleigh While I've seen my dad write about this topic matter before; I've never seen it quite put this way! This quote comes from Brian Hugh Warner, better known by his stage name Marilyn Manson. It's absolutely true, too- if all our wishes could come true, most of our dreams would disappear and we'd be forced to try to find new ones. But... they would be granted and disappear too; and is life really worth living if you have no goals and everything just gets handed to you?
I know that (at least personally), I hate actually reaching my goals. The euphoria of achievement only lasts for a short while, and then everything calms and goes back to normal; if not even more dull than before I achieved the goal. I completely agree with my dad on this topic- that the trip you go on to reach your goal is the most important part of having goals. Goals motivate us to do better in life; to go farther and to LIVE. Without goals... what would we do? If all our wishes became true; we would all be rich and lazy. We would have no motivation to live because there would be no loss, disappointment, change, or ANYTHING! There'd be nothing left to try for, and we would all give up. So I believe Manson had a very good quote; and made a point that most would fail to think about before uttering the words "I wish". I'm sure that 1 or 2 wishes would be fine- maybe for the first day or so; the wish granting would be fun! But soon it would just become common and boring; and no one would want to do anything anymore. How awful would it be to have nothing to do? Nothing to think about or try for? NOTHING TO WORK TOWARDS? I think this is the reason some people get unhappy. They either don't set goals, or they set unrealistic goals and give up after a day when things don't move as fast as they hoped. Sit back and enjoy the ride that is life; and don't forget to hit the gas and take a few chances. Don't let your dreams disappear. - Maddie Today I read a book called ''The Best Nest''. It is about two birds, Mr. Bird look and Ms.
Bird. Mrs. Bird did not like her nest. She made Mr. Bird look for a new one. After looking at a few new places, they settled in a church bell tower. After making their nest, the bell rings and scares Mrs. Bird so badly, she flies back to her old nest. When Mr. Bird finds her, she tells him their old nest is best! Ashleigh Today I want to write about beading. Last week, my Aunt Michelle sent me a beading
set. I have made necklaces for the entire family. To make them you need to put beads on a string. The beads are all different so I can make many designs. After putting the beads on the string, I tie a knot to keep them in place. Ashleigh This quote is honestly my favorite. I love it because I watch my friends holding themselves back constantly; especially recently. They keep giving up on themselves and others; and it hurts to watch. I find that the worst type of regret to watch is the regret caused by a broken friendship. When a friendship breaks and a person is too afraid to try fixing things; or DOES fix things but then has no idea how to continue being the same friend. I hate watching these situations because the solution is so simple.
Recently; one of my friends has been getting more regretful and depressed than usual due to past mistakes made with old friends. He has apologized for his mistakes; but like I mentioned above... doesn't know how to continue the friendship. He refuses to talk normally to either of the people and says that everything is always awkward. Now; while I say that I make things "awkward" a lot; it's more in a joking sense than anything else. Honestly; awkward is a state of mind that is different for every person. Much like love, hate, and any other emotional experience- it varies from person to person. So your definition of awkward may not even BE awkward to someone else. How we experience life and what we choose to do with the options given to us is what makes us unique. We can't see eye to eye on every single matter. It's impossible. And the worst thing you could possibly do to yourself is start thinking in a negative way when you're trying to make progress with someone else. Cross the line. It's worth the risk, trust me. - Maddie I was reading through some Marcus Aurelius quotes and I found a reference to "The Ruling Principle" and it got me to wondering. Aurelius mentioned it in passing... as if anyone who was reading his passage would know exactly what he was talking about. And yet, I didn't know what he meant by that phrase.
Well, I ended up looking it up on the internet to see whether or not I could at least get a hint about this important principle. There was a lot of writing on the subject. Much of it seemed to be by charlatans who wanted to reel you in with their thoughts on the principle, and then sell you something. Well, after reading through a couple of articles, I came up with the following points:
Some people believe they "have" a soul.I believe I am the soul. The difference is subtle, at the surface, yet the roots go deep. A person who thinks they "have" a soul must believe they are the body. The body is purely physical and finite. Whether they believe they have a soul or not, much of their thinking needs to be geared to the physical and those things that impact the body. . By acknowledging that you are the soul, you are aware that it is "you" doing the thinking and that you do it consciously. Your body is the vessel that holds the soul. When the body dies, the soul lives on. The difference is between finite and eternal thinking. The ruling principle, to me, means that I am in control of my body and thought processes. By ruling myself, I can control what happens to me better. I do things consciously and for reasons that I define... Not just because it feels good or is easy to do. I can also think rationally about what is happening around me and keep it in perspective. One interesting paragraph I read is below. The author talks about "true" impressions and then how we perceive them. He states that the perception happens in our mind, and that it is not necessarily always accurate. Read his example. He believes that we would be better off not adding value judgments to the things that we experience... or at a minimum, to be very careful about those judgement and to at least try to recognize that our judgments can distort the truth or at a minimum, change it. "“At every instant the objects and events in the world around us bombard us with impressions. As they do so they produce a phantasia, a mental impression. From this the mind generates a perception. But it may not be. It may be blurred, or it may include shadow images that distort or obscure the original. Chief among these are inappropriate value judgments: the designation as “good” or “evil” of things that in fact are neither good nor evil. For example, my impression that my house has just burned down is simply that—an impression or report conveyed to me by my senses about an event in the outside world. By contrast, my perception that my house has burned down and I have thereby suffered a terrible tragedy includes not only an impression, but also an interpretation imposed upon that initial impression by my powers of hypolepsis. It is by no means the only possible interpretation, and I am not obliged to accept it. I may be a good deal better off if I decline to do so. It is, in other words, not objects and events but the interpretations we place on them that are the problem. Our duty is therefore to exercise stringent control over the faculty of perception, with the aim of protecting our mind from error.” By having the ability to step outside ourselves and recognize that we are the soul and that we have a body, many of the authors believe that a people are better able to separate the real from their value judgments. By doing this, they are thus better able to act correctly to true information. Wow! I am really not sure if all of this stuff was really what Marcus Aurelius was pointing to. I have to admit that I have not yet read all of his Meditations. I am finding it by bits and pieces on the internet. Maybe, once I read the entire text, I will find some clue as to what he really meant. This post has rambled a bit tonight. Sorry. If any of you really have a clue as to what Aurelius was alluding to, leave me a comment or shoot me an email. I'd really love to know what he was alluding to. |
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