Oh my goshhhh. I think this quote is something that everyone in the world needs to hear. No matter who you are or what your situation is, we've all had something happen in life that we need to move on from or get over and some of us have a hard time doing it. I understand the struggle of doing it completely- my mom died 2 years ago and I'm still depressed about it right now. The pain of something like that... it never leaves. Ever. A little piece of that is going to be with you for the rest of your life, just as the person is, and there is nothing you can do to escape that.
However, that doesn't mean you should let sadness dominate your life forever. Yes, while things are initially going on, you're going to be upset... but you need to move on. I've managed to move on from my mom's death (for the most part) and I'd like to share the advice I followed myself that helped me a lot. This advice can be applied to most situations. Only a few are directed towards people who are dealing solely with the pain of losing someone.
I hope this post helped you... or anyone you may know. Maddie
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Yesterday we went out on a trip. We picked up Maddie's friend and went to a space
museum, an Indian museum and an art museum. My favorite was the space museum. There were lots of things to play with there. Ashleigh Places to see, things to do, all within two hours of home! Yesterday, I took a vacation day and had a great time! My daughters and I spent the day visiting museums located within a short distance from our house. Originally, we were going to visit the Polar Caves and Squam Lake Science center in the White Mountains. The radio kept warning about the threat of thunder storms in the Boston area, though, so we changed our plans at the last second so that we instead would visit indoor attractions. While it ended up not raining for the entire day (figures...weathermen are rarely right!), we still had a great time, and I'm glad that we went where we did! Our first stop, after picking up one of Maddie's friends on the way was the McAuliffe-Shepard Discovery Center in Concord, New Hampshire. The Center was made up of two floors of exhibits and a planetarium. We started our visit at the planetarium since its first show of the day, "The Magic Tree House", was designed for younger children. The show was filled with basic information about space and was just right for Ashleigh. The show kept her attention the entire time, and the underlying story helped to keep the information flowing smoothly. Maddie and her friend also seemed to enjoy the show. Afterwards, we walked through the Center's two floors of exhibits. They had a full-size jet fighter on display as well as a replica Gemini space capsule. There were a number of hands-on exhibits including a simulator allowing you to fly the space shuttle, and another that let you try your hand at landing the Apollo 11 lunar lander. Other stations were designed to help explain gravity, mass, and propulsion. Overall, we had a great time, although I think Ashleigh enjoyed the exhibits more than the rest of us. She really liked playing with all of the hands on exhibits. She even tried on a fighter pilot's helmet, which quickly slipped down over her eyes and made for a funny picture. We next drove about an hour to the Mt. Kearsarge Indian Museum in Warner, New Hampshire. We stopped along the way and ate a leisurely lunch at a country kitchen and then drove on to the museum. I think my Mom and I enjoyed the museum more than the girls did. We opted for the guided tour and the tour guide was extremely knowledgeable. Ashleigh was tired, though, and needed to go out to the car for a rest, while Maddie and her friend found that the tour was too slow moving for their taste. About half way through the tour, I was the only one left with the tour from my family so I too left and ran to catch up with the rest of them. Outside of the museum, they had a tepee set up and a nature trail. The girls had a better time on the grounds than they did inside the museum. After about a half an hour of walking around the grounds, we left for our final destination for the day. Our final stop was at the Hood Art Museum in Hanover. The museum is attached to Dartmouth College and is free to get in...you can't beat that! This was Ashleigh's first visit to an art museum and it was funny to see her reaction. It was easy to tell what she liked and didn't like. She didn't seem to be a big fan of modern art. At one point, she said "I do better than that!". After looking at what she was pointing to, I must say that I agreed. Most of her favorites were outdoor scenes similar to the one behind us in the picture. They even had a painting of Mt. Monadnock! One of my favorites was a relief from the Northwest Palace of Ashurnasirpal II at Nimrud. The relief was carved nearly 3,000 years ago! The amount of detail was incredible. Just looking at this piece from a distance doesn't do it justice. When you get up close you can see small details that the artist added that just make you say wow. The toe nails for instance, actually look like toenails! I expected that they would be little square blocks on the end of each toe, but they weren't. They had curvature to them and depth. Where the toe nail attached to the foot, the artist had even chiseled a little deeper to make it look like the nail was actually going under the skin. It was amazing! So lifelike, and yet one of the men is portrayed with wings! Why? what was the artist trying to symbolize with those wings? I'll be the first one to tell you that I am poor at picking up symbolism in art. Even so, I wonder if anyone really can tell us what is going on here. I love history, and I like to look at art. When I can combine the two, it's even better. If anyone can give me a reasonable explanation of why the artist put wings on this guy, please leave me a comment. Inquiring minds would like to know! . In all, I think we all had a great day! We got home around 10:00 at night after grabbing dinner out and dropping Maddie's friend off at her house. I have a Daddy that is very big and strong. He has a hurt elbow right now.He banged it
on the dojo floor yesterday. I hope he feels better soon! Daddy has very short hair. I love my Daddy very much! Ashleigh I love this quote so much. It's so relevant... for everyone, really. I don't care WHO you are, everyone has gotten caught up in the past or over-thinking the future. The quote is so accurate and truly puts life in perspective. You should enjoy each day for what it is... not what you hope it may become. You never know when your last day will arrive, and it may be far quicker than you expect. Life has a funny way of throwing twists at us when we least expect it. I've learned the "tomorrow may never come" segment of this quote through my mom's sudden death two years ago. We all knew she was sick, but we all thought she could get better and didn't expect her death. It was quite sudden and a very upsetting time for all of us.
As for "yesterday is gone"..? I've also mastered this aspect of the quote. I have an easy time letting go of the past, surprisingly enough, and I've managed to move on past a lot that has happened in my life; including my mother's death. It's an art of letting go, to be honest. Once you learn that the past is the past and there is NOTHING you can do to change it, no matter how much you want to... things get easier. Acceptance is key. You need to take life (and death, for that matter) for what they are. There is no way around it; we all die. It's better to accept the death of loved ones and move on from it. Appreciate them for who they were and how they impacted your life and accept that they are gone. You can't bring them back. While it's going to be painful, it can be gotten over and it is necessary so that you can continue living YOUR life. As for the first part, about enjoying life today... that is the one piece of this quote that I need help with. I too often take life for granted and sometimes fail to notice the small patches of happiness and joy in life. One of my life rules is to always try to find the happiness and beauty in the small things, but sometimes I forget to and I really need to work on that more. My mom had a knack for noticing the beauty in simple things, and she DID pass that gift on to both me and my sister. I just need to learn to use it more. But hey... no one's perfect. We all have aspects of our life to work on, whether they are mentioned in the quote or not. I just happened to like the quote, which is why I wrote about it. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did and hopefully learned something from it. Maddie Today, I listened to the song "Never Too Late" by Three Days Grace... I believe my Dad has blogged about this before, but I wanted to just put in my two cents on this song AND the topic it discusses. The song in and of itself revolves around trying to talk someone out of suicide, if you listen to the lyrics properly. I find it strange, to be honest... once someone has committed suicide... it is too late. That's it. They've chosen to end their life, and it is over. I'm not trying to be pessimistic.. but it's the truth. There is no good way to look upon something like that.
Yes, you may have memories of the person and items that belonged to them, but you do not have the person and it is not the same. When the person makes that choice... it is too late. For them, at least. However, it is NOT too late for you. Some people get devastated over the death of a loved one... and I realize that it is tough to get over or understand at first. This happens to everyone; sadly, some of us let the death of another infect our own lives. I have friends on one end of the scale who say they could give a shit if ANYONE died and that they wouldn't care either way, and other friends who get so traumatized by death that they turn to depression and even suicidal thoughts of their own to cope. The point of this post is that we are all caught up in the great circle of life- we are born, we live our allotted amount of time out, and we die. It happens to everyone inevitably, one way or another. Some of us may feel that people are given too little time on Earth... but we all have an unset timer. When we die, we die. Yes, poor decisions may force that timer to run out faster, but we all die anyway. The younger the person, the more tragic the death may seem because it will seem unfair that they did not have as long a life as they should have, and it is even more tragic if the death is due to an illness that is uncontrollable. However: you should not let the death of another.. no matter how close to you... affect your life to the point that you yourself want to die. Nothing should cause that... ever. Yes, mourn their loss and grieve... but don't take death too hard. It happens to everyone, and it will continue to happen. At the end of your life, most of the people you knew and loved will have died too; and then you will die. The best thing you can do is pick your head up, shake off the bad feelings, and continue to live your life... just like everyone else. Maddie It's hard to be happy when you are indifferent. You may be wondering, "who was the Einstein who came up with that quote?" Well, it was me! Ever hear anyone say "I don't care" about nearly everything? That's a person who clearly isn't happy and is giving themselves little chance of being happy. Happiness comes from passion. It doesn't have to be passion about a particular person, but just passion in general. In my house, many of us believe it is best to find happiness in the little things, because big things happen infrequently and it is better to find happiness more often than less. You may ask, "but if you are unhappy, how can you find happiness in little things?" The answer to that is to have passion! Get excited about what you are doing, or what you have to do that's in front of you. Develop a sense of excitement about everything you do...and with everyone you do them with. Have you ever been around someone who is truly excited about what they are doing? It's contagious isn't it? I love when someone is excited about what we are doing. It fuels my own excitement. Meanwhile, how do you feel when someone you are with sits around bored with your presence and buries their nose in their phone all day? Why bother to spend your time with them? They obviously don't care if you are there or not. In fact, they become a burden to you, since you feel you always need to compete with their phone for their attention. Who needs that! Do you want to develop passion? Then shut off the electronics and actually spend time with the people who want to hang out with you AND are willing to make the effort to do it. It is easy to listen to idiots who say "Family isn't always blood. It's the ppl in your life who want you in theirs. The ones who ACCEPT YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE." Phonies want you to believe this so that they can continue to just talk to you over Facebook and never have to really deal with you or your wants. It is so much easier for them to just send out a general twitter to all or post a comment to make you feel like they are there for you. My suggestion: Send that person a PM back and tell them you would really like to hang out with them. See what kind of answer they give you. I bet it will look something like this: Same thing for people you meet online that you never meet in person. It is easy to say "I'll be there for you" when they have never even met you. Try to set up a get together with them. Those who are "true friends will find the time to meet with you. Even if it may be a little difficult. They may invite you out to an event too. Be open to it! Those who won't meet with you no matter how many times you ask, are not your friends. Those that try to get together with you are.
With that said, don't be fooled because a band puts up a stupid quote and wants you to feel at one with them. Don't be fooled by people who say they will always be there for you, when they have never even tried to hang out. Instead, develop passion for the things that you do and your plans and see who will join you. Passion drives happiness. Not just for you, but for those around you who choose to see the world the way you do. Don't despair! Don't be indifferent! There is a whole world around you, And plenty of people to share it with. Develop a passion! Be open about it, and see who wants to join you in happiness. Remember, it's the little things that will drive your happiness...But it can also help to drive happiness in the people around you. Father,s Day is coming. I am going to get Daddy a surprise! He will be very happy.I will
give him a big hug and a smile too! I love my Daddy very much! Ashleigh Although many people dream of working from home full time, I can tell you from experience that there are some downsides to it. The biggest negative is that you never know when people are not in. Working from home you end up having to rely on people to get your reports to the editor...or if there is a problem with your page you need the production guys around to fix up your page. If any one cog in the machine is missing, you end up with headaches.
Today, there was a key person missing in production and two of my stocks are still waiting to be galleyed. This wouldn't be too bad if I wasn't waiting since Friday on one of the two! I work on the weekends and I was trying to get the one stock prepped to work on. Now, I have had the writing edited, I have all of my numbers done, but I have a page showing the format for last year! Oy! You would think that they would have more than one person who can handle production problems! Nope, out of the three people in the department, only one can fix problems Another thing that is tough is that you never get to develop camaraderie with the people you work with. I still have friends that I originally met at Value Line from when I worked there in the early 1990's. This time through, while I can recognize some of the names, I think I would have a tough time picking most of them out in a crowd. The old timers, yes I recognize them. But anyone who started in the past ten years is hit or miss. Overall, I have to admit that I like working from home.I get to really know my daughters in a way that just wasn't available to my Dad when me and my sister were growing up. In fact, I suspect many parents nowadays just don't get to experience true parenting. When I reflect on what I am doing...I have to say I am happy. Are things perfect? No, I could be making more money. I can stand to lose a few pounds...but overall, I am doing what I was put on this earth to do. Raise my children to the best of my abilities. Saturday was Ashleigh and Daddy day. We went to the movies. We had popcorn and cotton
candy. We saw Cinderella. I liked it very much. Ashleigh and Daddy day was a lot of fun! Ashleigh My sister inspired this post. Today, she will be blogging about Ashleigh and Daddy day... while the post likely won't be out until after my post, I know she is writing about that because she is setting it up behind me as I write this. Saturday, her and dad went out for a Ashleigh and Daddy day and on Friday, it was Dad and I's day. We went to see Insurgent, which by the way was very good... and we had a good time.
While the movie was nice, it's more the one-on-one time I get to spend with Dad. While I sit with him all day in the office, we don't talk too much as we are both working. These talks in the car go un-interrupted by other family members, distractions, and too much noise- since we're the only ones in the car, we can talk about literally anything together and it's nice. I know some friends who carry on about never being able to tell their parents anything... and it bothers me since I have such a strong relationship with Dad. I feel like I could talk to him about anything and be fine. It's upsetting that my friends aren't close to their parents. I think that part of the problem is not spending enough time with them... if you don't spend time with your parents, you don't get to know them and you don't gain their trust as easy OR bond with them. You HAVE to take the time to be close to your parents... I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have Dad to talk to, I really don't. It minimizes conflict between us, and if I want to do something I can feel comfortable asking to do it, not have to sneak like so many of my friends do. Yes, when it comes to online time I might go on my Facebook every now and again... but that's it. Anything else I can be completely honest about and it's fine. What I'm trying to say with this post, I guess, is that it's important to spend time with your family. They're the ones who will ALWAYS be there for you... no matter what. If you let your relationship with your family go... you won't be happy. Spend time with your parents, spend time with your siblings, and enjoy yourself. Taking a day once every few months to just talk to your parents is a good thing and helps a LOT... but by "taking a day" I mean complete, one-on-one, undivided attention. No other people. My Dad took me out one day, and the next day my sister... so one was tagging alongside the other. It works well for us, and it can work well for you too. Maddie Thinking of an old David Bowie song with my title...just in case you want to hum it! Anyway, one thing I have noticed that took me a while to learn is that no matter how fast we move, change is slow. Examples? you might ask. Well to start, my wife's descent into death was a slow-motion train wreck. She was arrested for drunk driving when she first got pregnant with Ashleigh. While our lives saw an immediate impact, it took nearly another four years before she drank herself to death. My life went from bad to worse and it was nearly six years before my life really started to turn back around. Will it ever get back to pre-crisis normal? I don't know. I don't think so.
It's ok, too, that it won't go back to pre-crisis normal. My experiences have changed me and my new normal won't be worse than the pre-crisis normal...just different. I was thinking about my future last night and I realized that I will likely be in my mid to upper sixties before my youngest daughter is out of college. What will I do then? Hopefully, be a great grandfather for my daughters' children. I meant a "great" grandfather by the way...not great grandfather. The transition from father to grandfather will be interesting. I will always, for the rest of my days be a father. A grandfather, I think, will just be an extension of being a father. It will be fun to watch my daughters raise their children. What things will they do differently than me? What things will be the same? I tried to take all of the positive things from when I was growing up and continue them. Meanwhile, I tried to discard the things that bothered me when I was a kid. Even so, I sometimes see those things creep into my actions on occasion. Change is slow...and sometimes generational. As for my personal life? Changes outside of my family are glacial. Karate has moved to only two times a week, which is dull. I am slowly cleaning out the basement to get my own dojo back into workout shape. I am looking forward to practicing down there with both of my daughters. Otherwise, I just don't go out enough to see any changes in my personal situation. At the moment, I am content with the slow change happening around me. I love you Aunt Michelle. You are pretty. Thank you for your comment. I miss you.
Ashleigh Lucky started off life lazy. He was one of a litter of 8 male puppies, and was likely one of the more dominant puppies. He was EXTREMELY fat, weighing 55 pounds at only 2 months old. It is believed that he would finish his food first, then bump his brother out of the way and continue down the line, stealing food until he reached the end. To this day, he still scarfs his food down quickly and looks around for more. When we first brought him home, he was so fat that he could barely get himself up and walk around- his schedule was eat, drink, bathroom, sleep. And repeat. For weeks. Until finally, we took him to the vet and found out that he was eating too much, and we were able to adjust his diet and he finally started being lively and acting like a puppy.
The years have progressed faster than I want them to, and Lucky is now almost 4 years old. He is still as active, if not MORE active than when he was a puppy and has learned many tricks. He has an affinity for eating tin cans, stealing gloves, and dragging tree limbs in from the woods, but is in general a well-behaved dog. He's quite smart, too- he loves to try tricking everyone in the house into thinking he hasn't eaten by running outside and showing up at a separate door then when he got let out (he is trained to be fed when he comes in). All in all, I love Lucky very much. He is stupid enough to make me laugh, loyal enough to be there for me, and is a great dog. Maddie |
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