That's a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson. I guess to be a Ralph and a Waldo, you really did have to be your own person! All joking aside, I think this is a great statement. He says to be yourself, yet most people don't really seem to know who they are.
How many people do you know, who you think you know well, yet if you stop to talk to them for twenty minutes, you find out they are someone completely different. Now sit down for twenty minutes and really think about yourself. Are you really who you think you are? Or are you an amalgamation of things you see on TV or read about in books, or even the average of the twenty people you were closest to when you were younger? What is really you? What is begged borrowed and stolen from others? No one can answer that but you. For me, I think I am about 40% me, 30% my parents, and a 30% is a mish-mash of old friends, TV shows, heroes from books and movies, and parts of the people that I meet. You don't have to tell me who you are...but you should know for yourself. So that begs the question: Am I who I want to be? Are you? I don't know the answer to either question. I do know I am mainly the father I want to be. I try to teach by example. I try to remember what it was like when I was a kid and treat my children accordingly. There are things I did when I was younger that I certainly don't want my daughters doing. There are other things that I think can and will be good life lessons for them. The most important thing I am today is a father to my children. In fact, I would go so far to say that THAT is who I am. Anything else in my life I could and would give up for my daughters, so a father IS who I am. One of my favorite quotes is " All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts..." I always remember it as "and we all wear many masks" Ask ten people about me, all from different parts of my life and I think you would get ten different answers about who I am. All would have an undercurrent of truth to them...but yet I think they would all be seeing me through a mask. While all of the masks would be real, all would have a portion of unreality as well. Who are we? Who am I? It is a question that has bothered me for years. Because the real me doesn't easily fit into the stereotypes you see on TV or in a book. When I am in a funny mood I feel like I need a laugh track with me to point out the things that I say or do that were meant to be funny. Other times, I feel like I am on the razor's edge of being crazy. Usually, I feel that most of the other people I have met have already gone over that edge. The people that scare me the most are the ones that don't seem to have any deep thoughts at all. I do not know how these people can even exist. I sometime wish that I wouldn't think so much, but in the end I know that that would be a false wish. I do like to think. And if I didn't think constantly, I wouldn't be me. In the end, I think being yourself is a great accomplishment. As long as you truly do know that you are being yourself and not just a clone of someone you have seen on TV. Imagine, trying to imitate a character from TV. A character that isn't even a real person! Just a persona being played by an entirely different person. How sad that is.
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I love this quote because it is so true and can be applied to people in everyday life. Too often people WOULD rather go with a happy lie than the painful truth; whether to save their ego, heart, soul, mind... whatever. I recently had a bad experience with one of my friends... over something quite stupid, to be honest. I knew something bad was going to happen if he proceeded with what he was doing and so I warned him... keep in mind he has known me for almost 2 years. He, obviously seeing my point- did not want to admit that he was wrong.
So what did he do? He turned to one of my friends who he has known for 1 month. This friend has a long history of telling people whatever makes them feel better out of fear of hurting them- but what she doesn't realize is that lies hurt worse than the truth once the truth is discovered. Lies are nice temporarily... as long as you go on believing them. I'm sure every drug addict loves to wake up and believe that what they're doing isn't killing them- and they probably do go on believing that until it FRICKING KILLS THEM. I tried to use this as an example to my friend, but he wouldn't listen. Instead, he listened to my friend, who told him the mistake he was making was fine and then TRIED TO FLIP IT ON ME... and now, our friendship is quite a wreck and I don't think it's going to last much longer. At this point... I don't care. He can find out for himself what happens when you latch on and follow along with lies. Telling the truth; you're going to lose on occasion- but the loss won't be much. You'll be losing someone who is stupid enough to believe lies to boost themselves up and in the long run, a painful truth is much better than hearing a soft lie and discovering later on that it wrecked you. Maddie Lucky eats a lot! I like to feed Lucky. I make him do tricks. He can jump up, sit, rollover
and lie down. He listens to me well. Lucky is a very very good dog! Ashleigh That's a quote from Albert Einstein...What a brilliant guy. Some people just don't realize that words have power...including the words you tell yourself! If you have an attitude of disbelief about yourself, then things will rarely work out right.The smallest failures will be magnified in your mind until your outer self matches the inner picture you have already created of yourself in your mind's eye.
Fortunately for us, the same thing will happen with positive affirmations, as long as they have some basis in reality. For instance, I am an introvert, yet most people believe I am a type A extrovert. When I was younger, I always worried that people would think I am strange because I was quiet. Since I didn't want people to think I was shy or weird, I would listen to what was being said, and then try to add to the conversation with my own thought on the subject. If I did not know the topic well, I would instead make a witty comment about something that was said or ask a question to help increase my knowledge on the subject. Soon, I was making conversation easily and I lost the feeling that people would think I was a little off. Am I still an introvert? Yes. I love my alone time and I am still not a big fan of small talk. Still, I like to talk about serious subject matters, and once I get to know people I can do the whole small talk thing too. In fact, when I go to the store or out somewhere I usually go out of my way to make people smile. My secret is is that I usually say something funny to make myself laugh. If someone else laughs too, then that's just a bonus. So what is the best attitude to have? Why a positive attitude of course! If something goes wrong, as they sometimes will, look at it as a learning experience, not as a personal failing. Life is too short to bring yourself down worrying about something that has already happened.The best thing to do is to acknowledge that something went wrong and then take steps to make sure that they don't occur again. If what went wrong hurt someone else, then apologize if it is your fault. Particularly if the relationship with the person you hurt is more important than whether you were right or wrong. It's all about attitude. You can have the right one or the wrong one. Which one is yours? I read, my first book today! It was " Biscuit's Day at the Farm "by Alyssa Satin Capucilli.
The story is about Biscuit, a puppy, who goes to visit a farm. He helps to feed the animals. They feed chickens, goats, sheep and pigs. A piglet likes Biscuit and follows him around the barn yard.They both run back to the pig pen when a flock of geese scare them. I am excited that I read my first book! Ashleigh Okay, that quote was by Seneca. At first, I was going to write a post saying that I thought he might be wrong, but after thinking about it, I see that he just may be right. I often find happiness when I am striving to accomplish a goal. My goals usually involve accomplishing something that usually happens in the future, and that is why I thought he was wrong. But after I thought about it, I see that I am happiest when I am striving to accomplish the goal, not when I have accomplished it. There is a distinct difference!
In every day life, I like the pursuit, the chasing down of the dream so to speak. In karate, for example, I like to focus on improving certain skills. For months I practiced to get my spinning hook kick to head level. I enjoyed practicing that kick every day until I could bring my kick up to head level without losing my balance. Now that I have accomplished that, I still practice that kick, but the thrill is gone. Now I am working on getting my jab to land accurately and quickly. This isn't as hard to do...anyone can throw a jab. The skill is in being to land it quickly and accurately. To do that, you need to practice throwing it from all different types of situations. Can you land it when you are pulling back? Can you land it when you are charging? How about when you are ducking? Or dodging? Does it hit with speed and power? Can you throw it multiple times with the same result? How about when your target is moving too? The happiness comes from practicing those skills and seeing improvement. Seeing the improvement brings satisfaction, and happiness. Once you have attained the goal, the satisfaction becomes more of a smugness. Smugness is nice, but it doesn't bring happiness. Happiness comes in the present. You can't decide to be happy at some future date. You need to experience it in the present. So am I happy? At the moment, yes. In exploring my thoughts on happiness, I find that I have been happier in the past than I have given myself credit for. I am happy now, because I have written this post and examined how and why I get happy. Another way that I experience happiness is by making others happy. A hug, a touch, a kiss, a smile...all of these can make someone you know happy. Remember, this kind of depends on context too. If you run up to a complete stranger and give them a hug and kiss out of the blue, I am quite certain that it will likely scare them rather than make them happy. A smile or a kind word works for most people you meet. For close friends and family members, a hug and a kiss can work wonders. I am happy right now. Think about your own life...you might find that you are actually happier than you thought you were. If you are not, then analyze what actions you have taken to become happy lately. If you are not taking actions to be happier, then it's likely you won't be happy. Remember, happiness is found in the small things. If you base your happiness only on the large infrequent occasions, then you will necessarily spend a lot of your time unhappy. Actively pursue what makes you happy, and in so doing, you will be happy. That's my story, and I am sticking to it! Sometimes excruciating pain can be hidden by a smile. A lot of times, it's hard to tell when someone is in pain. To me, there are three types of people in this world.
The first type, feels pain and is stopped by it, Whether it is physical or emotional, these people feel pain and stop. They just can't function until the pain goes away. Often times these people won't admit they are in pain, at least not to friends and family, they will just slowly withdraw from life and do the minimum they can to get by The second type of person is the type that feels pain and wants everybody to know that they are hurting. They usually won't come to a dead stop, they will just keep on, but with a reduced capacity. They will go to doctors if the pain is physical, or seek emotional support if the pain is mental. These people will often times find an end to their pain and are likely to have gotten help to fix things. In my mind, they are likely the healthiest of the three types. The third type, are people like me. I am a pain blocker...or at least I try to be. When I get hurt, I acknowledge the pain but then try to put it away some where so that I can go on doing whatever it is I am doing. I do this both with mental and physical pain. In the past, I have walked around with broken ribs, practiced karate during a bout with gout and I have popped a number of my toes back into place after they dislocated. Physically, probably the worst pain that I worked through was when I was a walk in to the intensive care ward at Princeton Hospital. I had caught C-diff and was bleeding internally. The doctor told me he didn't know how I was even standing let alone walking. As a child, I remember playing sports while injured. I played team sports, and I often believed it was better for the team to have me play hurt than to not play. The year I did that, I was the scoring leader for the entire league. Our team went on to win the league championship and we had an undefeated 12 - 0 season. I honestly believe that by playing hurt (sprained ankle) I helped to keep our team undefeated. We had a good team, but our bench was not deep. Later, I played football and soccer the same way. I remember my first knee injury, when I initially cracked the cartilage in my knee. I was taken off the field after the initial injury, but went back into the game a few plays later. While it hurt, I didn't yet know the extent of the damage. I just figured it was badly bruised and I would get over it after a play or two. I played defensive tackle for the rest of the game and also played on the offensive line. After the game, I then went off and played in a soccer game. By the time I came out of that game, my knee had swelled like a soccer ball. X-rays later revealed I had a hairline crack in my cartilage. Over the years, I also got good at hiding mental pain...well, maybe not so good. I drank a lot when I was younger, and some of it was to help me to change my mood. If you asked me back then why I drank, I would say to get fucked up and be social. But those weren't my only reasons. I see that now. I also drank to ease the emotional pain I was going through. I always tried to bury that deep, but it was there none the less. The sad part is that I can't even tell you why I had those feeling. Why I felt sad, or unliked. I had lots of friends and acquaintances, and a family that loved me. Still, my head was filled with self doubts and sadness. Going out with my friends and getting fucked up let me forget for a while. I never seemed sad while at a party, but there was always a part of me that felt I didn't actually fit in, even though I usually seemed to. Our minds can be our own harshest critics. While we can use our minds to block pain, sometimes we also use them to block the realizations that can help us to resolve our pain. My pain stopped when I felt needed. Not wanted, not liked or even loved, but needed. My wife and I fell in love. I needed her in my life, and she needed me. Her need for me to be strong for her and our family took away my pain (at least the pain that had been haunting me...new pains came from our relationship). I look back at my younger years and I see a pain that didn't need to be there. My wife's need filled my heart with love. It healed me of my sadness. Everybody needs to feel needed. To not feel needed, to not feel like your life makes a difference, is a pain much worse than any physical pain you can endure. My wife died two years ago. She still needs me. She needs me to pray for her and light candles (and I do) and she needs me to take care of my two beautiful daughters. My daughters need me...to be there for them and to show them how to live a happy and fulfilled life. I try my best for them. And in return, I need my daughters. I need them to teach me about myself, to remind me of their mom, and to enjoy their company. I love to watch them grow up and to keep filling my head with new memories. I love to have one on one talks with Maddie while we are riding to or from somewhere. Meanwhile Ashleigh is my ray of sunshine! I love to watch the progress she is making while she learns to read, and the leaps of logic that she makes when she recognizes a pattern in what she is doing. Watching the girls learn new things is a thrill for me! Do I still block pain? Sure. My knee is a mess and I have my usual bouts with arthritis. Mentally, I am still coming to grips with my wife's death, but I am seeing more rays of sunshine all of the time! In the end, don't let pain stop you. Mental pain can go away. Fill the empty spaces where it had reigned with happy memories that you create each day. You can create a happy memory each day! Sometimes you just need to look for them. It's the little things that drive happiness. Fill your life with little bits of happiness and you will soon find that the mental pain will recede to the back ground. I hope these thoughts can help some of you out there who may be suffering with something similar. There is already too much sadness in the world. Work at bringing a little bit of happiness into your own world each day, and I think you will soon find that it will be infectious for the people around you. Good night, This post is going to be a tiny bit different- it's going to be in list form! Tomorrow, I'm going to be hiking Mt. Monadnock with a few of my good friends and meeting one of our close friends at the top. The purpose of the trip is that: Abby lives in Massachusetts, so we never get to see her. Once a year, she comes down near where we all live with her camp. The camp is going to be hiking the mountain tomorrow morning too, and since we want to beat them to the top- we're setting out at 7 AM.
It should be fun! But if you're gonna hike a mountain, you need to know the basic rules- here they are.
Besides that? Have a good time and enjoy nature... either by yourself or with whomever you hike with. Hiking with friends is, in my opinion, one of the best ways to pass time. Now, I need to get to bed... so I'll leave this post here. I'll be writing tomorrow's post a bit late, but I'll tell all about the hike up the mountain! Good night, Maddie Sugar is not very good to eat, but Daddy lets me eat a bit. Too much sugar will give you
a big tummy and a sugar rush! Too much sugar upsets my tummy. I like my sugar in cookies or cakes. My favorite sugar is candy. Ashleigh I wanted to do another follow-up post to what my Dad already wrote earlier today. He talked about emotional anchors that hold writers down, and how he disagrees with it. I... I don't quite know. I don't think that it applies JUST to writers- I believe that everyone does have their different struggles, their different anchors... and they shouldn't be seen as something good. Anchors weigh you down and keep you in one place. Life is a gigantic ocean- sometimes calm, sometimes stormy. And if you're forever in the same place.. you can never move forward or progress across the ocean.
The same can be said about life. In this metaphor, our issues, stresses and personal struggles represent our anchor. The more we let these things build up, the larger the anchor gets and the less we are able to progress. I see it in life in people I know- they let their anchor weigh them down until they can't go AT ALL. Then, they often turn to drugs or alcohol when trouble comes around... because their anchor is so heavy that it is actually pulling them under the water. These people don't know what to do with their life anymore- they let stresses trouble them so much that they sink down lower and lower until they are over their heads. They don't know how to let go of the stress weighing them down, so they stay in that same struggle, trying to numb it over with multiple distractions until their fight is over and they drown (metaphorically). There are very few that manage to fix or let go of their troubles and learn to drift again. Another thing that my dad said, that I agree with... is that "going with the flow" is not always the best option. My dad said that it is better to have a set course- otherwise, you end up crashed on the rocks. I agree, to some degree. I think that for important things in life, you should have a set direction... but with littler things, it is sometimes better to let life carry you where it wants to go. Don't drown. Maddie I just read an article that said that every good writer has an emotional anchor...something deeply personal that happened to them that they can tie their work to. By having that anchor to ground them, they can then go crazy and really write about anything, because they will always have that deeply personal experience to pull them back to reality.
I disagree. While I am sure everyone has something deeply personal that has impacted their lives, I think the anchor just works to hold you back. It stops you from reaching your full potential through fear, or sadness or both. To really move forward in life, or to write something different you need to cut the chain to the anchor as best you can. You want no distractions as you ride the stormy seas of life and write about them. In my life, my wife's death is my anchor. It numbed me, and made it very hard to get anything accomplished. My daughters were the winds in my sail, however. My daughters needed me to be functional. I couldn't just sit down and allow life to pass me by. The girls needed a father who could provide a stable home and an atmosphere of hope. These things can't be accomplished while living in the past. Each day, I focused on doing the little things that needed to be done to make sure my daughters were taken care of properly. The more I focused on getting these little things accomplished, the more I returned to the land of the living. The anchor had been attached to my ankle and had been pulling me under. My daughters were the lifeboat that offered me the opportunity to live on and travel to another place. As I battled on to reach the lifeboat, I found that my struggle became less and less. The anchor was shrinking as I got closer to my goal. Today, my anchor is pocket sized. My life is once again moving forward. I enjoy helping my daughters to learn and to grow and new horizons surround me. In the end, no one's journey through life needs an anchor. It is very hard to move ahead when you have an anchor set. Instead, Instead, we need a compass. An underlying belief that will help us to make decisions about where we are going with our lives. No one's life should be without direction. My wife used to say she liked to "go with the flow". Life is a gigantic ocean, but sometimes setting yourself adrift with the currents will still crash you on the rocks. It did that with my wife's journey. No going with the flow for me! I've used my moral compass to set my goals and while my life ship will occasionally approach the rocks, I have so far been successful in eventually turning my ship away from the danger. An emotional anchor, or a moral compass...which would you rather have? For me, I'll take the compass any day. |
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