Oh my goshhhh. I think this quote is something that everyone in the world needs to hear. No matter who you are or what your situation is, we've all had something happen in life that we need to move on from or get over and some of us have a hard time doing it. I understand the struggle of doing it completely- my mom died 2 years ago and I'm still depressed about it right now. The pain of something like that... it never leaves. Ever. A little piece of that is going to be with you for the rest of your life, just as the person is, and there is nothing you can do to escape that.
However, that doesn't mean you should let sadness dominate your life forever. Yes, while things are initially going on, you're going to be upset... but you need to move on. I've managed to move on from my mom's death (for the most part) and I'd like to share the advice I followed myself that helped me a lot. This advice can be applied to most situations. Only a few are directed towards people who are dealing solely with the pain of losing someone.
I hope this post helped you... or anyone you may know. Maddie
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"The mind is your greatest weapon"...don't turn it against yourself! Too many people have self doubts. Too many people don't love themselves. Too many people are their own worst critics. And it's sad. While it is healthy to question yourself sometimes, it can hurt you if you do it too much.
It all comes down to the fact that words have power...including the words you say to yourself. If you constantly tell yourself you are not worthy of love, then you will never truly receive it, except from your family members. Then, too, if you constantly tell yourself you are ugly, fat, stupid (fill in the blank), then you are going to begin to feel that way AND act that way. Life is hard enough without a poor self image! What we think of ourselves is a habit. Begin today to change your own self image so that eventually you will habitually think of yourself in a different light. Use your greatest weapon (your mind, if you haven't been paying attention) to help change your self perception. So how do you do it? Good question! And the answer depends on what you want to change. Do you think you are too fat to feel good about yourself? Then come up with a plan to lose weight! Picture what you would have to do to lose weight and then start doing it! As you do, create a new internal dialog for yourself...I am a person who eats healthily and avoids processed foods and snacks. Each day, wake up and think, I enjoy eating healthy foods, and then do so! Think about what a person who eats healthily would want to eat...and then eat it! The more you actually do what you think about, the more your self image will change! It's hard to look at yourself as fat if you are eating healthily every day and exercising...but it takes time. Doing it once in a while won't change your mind. You need to own the habit. Eat healthy foods, avoid unhealthy things and control your portions. Start a work out routine...and stick to it! After a while, these habits will become a part of you, and you will become toned and lose weight. The more you believe that you are a healthy individual, the less you will "feel" like you are a fat slob. Words have power! That is just one example. Usually, our self image has more than just one negative aspect to it. And they all work together to cripple your self image. Each day, work to improve those negative aspects of your self image just a little bit. Just saying that those negative traits don't exist is not enough! You need to take actions to prove to yourself that those things are not true. Work at it. Try for just a 1% improvement each day on your negative traits and in four months you will have a 100% change in your self image. Your mind will accept the change, if you actually take the steps necessary to change your self image. If you only think about it, and you don't take action, then your mind will never believe the story you are telling it. Take the steps necessary to make the changes, so that your mind knows that it is holding a false picture. Fail to take action, and your mind will fail to see a difference. There is no free lunch in this world. Change your actions to change your mind. It is that simple! The above quote was said by Lao Tzu. I love it. The main point of it is that your mindset truly determines who you are as a person, and what you think often can be shown in your actions. I think that it is quite true too... what you think, you do often tend to say without thinking about. And once you say something, yes, you have said it and people KNOW you have said it, or done it; depending. And once you start something... yes, there is the possibility for it to become a habit. And our habits do define us as people.
However. I'd like to take a moment and classify habits as something COMPLETELY different than addiction. Yes, an addiction is a habit, but it is separate from other habits. It's hard to explain but they are two different things completely. Habits aren't always in your mind, they can be physical and you may not even be aware of them. Addiction, on the other hand, attacks the mind and makes you aware. You may not be aware of your addiction, but it takes a different toll on your mind than a normal habit will. Also- if you're dealing with addiction instead of habit, then this quote is irrelevant. Addiction is a beast; it changes the person who has to deal with it. Too often, the kindest people are not separated from their addiction... and it warps people's views on them. One of my friends' boyfriends had a drug problem and everyone initially told her that he was horrible, bad news, etc. etc. She was actually able to help him over-come the addiction, which he had already started to beat on his own, and she was able to see him as a PERSON and not a walking addiction. The nicest people are often dragged down, left out and forgotten due to this mental state and I absolutely hate it. Not just because I watched my mom be labeled as her illness, but because I just think that it is wrong to judge someone without truly knowing them... at least not based on addiction. The kindest people you will ever meet can be struggling sometimes and I think more people need to realize this. Good night. Maddie Every day is a second chance. Yep that sounds great, but it isn't necessarily true. One day, for each of us will not be a second chance because we will never wake up. I think a better quote is "never put off to tomorrow what you can do today".
Whenever I read a quote like the one above I think of my wife. We started dating in July 1999. After dating for a couple of weeks, Sharon opened up to me and told me she was an alcoholic and asked me to help her to quit. It was a good sentiment, but one that she never followed through on. At one point, after we started living together we decided to start diaries. Once she passed away, I read through her diary and kept mine handy for the same time period to see how our outlooks matched up. A lot of her diary at around that time was about lying to me about her drinking and how she didn't "feel" like stopping just yet. I would write about how I thought she was drinking and lying about it on some days, and on how she seemed to be making progress on others. Meanwhile, hers would be about how she snuck out from work to buy a bottle and where she was hiding it. She would mention when she was grabbing a drink etc. etc. She believed she had lots of time to stop her drinking. Well, for her, a second chance was always around the corner, right up until her drinking killed her. My wife had an addiction. She realized this, wanted to stop, but never took sustainable action. It ended up killing her. It's easy to point at my wife and say "well yeah, but that was an extreme case!" But was it really? How many people do you know who are obese and yet do not change their diets or their exercise regiments to get in better shape? How many people do you know who go out most weekends and tie one on? How many people do you know who smoke regularly? All of these are addictions too. And they are very hard to break. Oftentimes, people give up one addiction only to bring another into their life. I will give you a personal example. When I was younger, I drank very heavily. I gave it up to help Sharon stop drinking. Back in college I had given up drinking, but went back to it after a while, because I felt not drinking was hurting my social life (this wasn't necessarily true). By the time I met Sharon, I was drinking out of boredom, and was looking for a reason to quit, since I believed it was a problem for me as well. Right after giving up drinking, I gained a lot of weight. When I started dieting, I noticed that my cigar smoking went from a casual habit of one or two a week to a daily habit. Similar to other "addicts" I was changing from one addictive habit to another. It has taken me years to realize this though. In fact, I just realized this the other day after reading an article about poor eating habits and their similarities to other addictive behaviors. So what are my addictive behaviors now? I am still battling with maintaining a low-carb diet. At the same time, I have added positive behaviors such as working out and push ups to the mix. Working long hours also seems to be a vice that I am driven to do. While working out is positive, I truly believe that I use it as a distraction to help get my dopamine high similar to how drinking, eating, or cigars gave me that high in the past. I notice that others also have their own little addictions going on...whether they want to admit to them or not. In the end, I find that I am always striving to better myself. I find it is best not to put off to tomorrow what I can be doing today. When I fail to keep up with something I am struggling with, I try not to look at it as tomorrow is another chance. That is such whiny bullshit. Instead, I look at it as a chance to better improve on the work I tried to accomplish yesterday. Beating addictions is hard. In my life, I have now beaten two. I have not had a drink since 1999, and I gave up cigars in 2003. To this day, I still get an occasional urge to smoke a cigar! Talk about the power of habit! I am still struggling to cut carbs out of my life. Diabetes runs in my family (as does alcoholism) and the carbs turn to sugar in your bloodstream. Pretzels and coffee rolls seem to be my major downfalls. As for working out and work in general, I will continue to try and work out daily. Meanwhile, it's hard to say how much of my day is work and how much is life. My work day is long, but broken down into many moments. I also home school my daughters during the day and take time to talk and play with them. I also do a lot of extra reading during the day that is only loosely tied to my stocks. I actually enjoy reading about the industries that I cover, so its hard to say how much of the extra reading is directly tied to the stocks I cover specifically. When I cover an industry, I try to become an expert in that industry. So there is a fine line between work and pleasure for me. I have rambled on long enough here. Please note, though, that I don't believe tomorrow is a second chance. Today is what you have, and there is no time better to make a positive change than right now. Because in the end, there will come a day for all of us when tomorrow will never come. Or a day when changing will be too late. Regrets suck. Even so, I think they must suck worse as you give yourself a shot of insulin or while you are relearning to walk after having some of your toes amputated. Or while you lie dying in a coma. Some regrets you have to live with. Some you don't. Try to have the wisdom to know the difference. I love this quote so much. I love the sheer idea of individuality and being yourself to be honest, because too often in life people get shut down or shut out because they feel like they can't be themselves. Most of this comes from people thinking they are required to live up to the expectations of their parents, or their friends, or just society in general.This is so false and it's unfortunate that so many people believe that you have to meet everyone's expectations.
The only one whose expectations you must meet are your own. You shouldn't worry about constantly pleasing others because if you do, then you'll become a puppet to others and lose your individuality entirely. By becoming a puppet, you try to please everyone, no matter what... you let them use you and control you. I've seen it happen to so many friends because they fear no one will like them. I say screw that... if people like you, they should like you for who you are, not who you pretend to be. Sure enough, this strategy works for me. I never fake who I am for anyone. I act completely natural and try to be relatively open... and I have a lot of amazing friends because of it. Yes, of course there are some people who don't particularly like me... but that's how it is going to be no matter what. There will always be people who try to frown upon you and drag you down... it is your choice to let them or not. Let's end with another quote! "Those who hate you either hate themselves, want to be you, or see you as a threat." Maddie I love this quote so much. It's so relevant... for everyone, really. I don't care WHO you are, everyone has gotten caught up in the past or over-thinking the future. The quote is so accurate and truly puts life in perspective. You should enjoy each day for what it is... not what you hope it may become. You never know when your last day will arrive, and it may be far quicker than you expect. Life has a funny way of throwing twists at us when we least expect it. I've learned the "tomorrow may never come" segment of this quote through my mom's sudden death two years ago. We all knew she was sick, but we all thought she could get better and didn't expect her death. It was quite sudden and a very upsetting time for all of us.
As for "yesterday is gone"..? I've also mastered this aspect of the quote. I have an easy time letting go of the past, surprisingly enough, and I've managed to move on past a lot that has happened in my life; including my mother's death. It's an art of letting go, to be honest. Once you learn that the past is the past and there is NOTHING you can do to change it, no matter how much you want to... things get easier. Acceptance is key. You need to take life (and death, for that matter) for what they are. There is no way around it; we all die. It's better to accept the death of loved ones and move on from it. Appreciate them for who they were and how they impacted your life and accept that they are gone. You can't bring them back. While it's going to be painful, it can be gotten over and it is necessary so that you can continue living YOUR life. As for the first part, about enjoying life today... that is the one piece of this quote that I need help with. I too often take life for granted and sometimes fail to notice the small patches of happiness and joy in life. One of my life rules is to always try to find the happiness and beauty in the small things, but sometimes I forget to and I really need to work on that more. My mom had a knack for noticing the beauty in simple things, and she DID pass that gift on to both me and my sister. I just need to learn to use it more. But hey... no one's perfect. We all have aspects of our life to work on, whether they are mentioned in the quote or not. I just happened to like the quote, which is why I wrote about it. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did and hopefully learned something from it. Maddie You can then add "If You Don't, You'll Find An Excuse!"The trick to life is to train yourself to get good at finding ways and never making excuses. The problem is, there is always a handy excuse. Have you ever found yourself saying "I can't do that!", "There is now way!", "I don't have the time..." or any of another thousand things that mean "No." Well, my advice to you is to stop! Stop making excuses and get your ass in gear!
We all have small goals that never seem to get done. We get mental blocks about them. I have them too. Well, here is a quick way to get through some of these little tasks. Take out 4 note cards and on each card write down five things that you want to accomplish, but that you have put off. It is okay if some of these things are BIG things too. Now that you have that done, take out some more cards! On the first card, mark down things that you can definitely get done in less than a day ( I like to make it done in a few hours, because let's be realistic, no one wants to spend an entire day doing one thing!). On a second card, list things you can do to make one of the larger projects smaller. Make each part small enough so that you can accomplish it in a couple of hours. Congratulations you now have "to do" lists. Each day, take one or two things from each list and do them. By the end of the week, the first list should be empty. The second list should have some of the things accomplished. Rewrite your lists for next week the same way. Some of the things from the second list may now be ready to move up to the first list. Some new things may have been added to each list too. That's okay! You want these lists to help you get things done. You WILL feel a sense of accomplishment as you see your list get whittled down each week. Don't worry if everything doesn't get done. Notice the progress...that is what is important. You are actually making progress towards your goals. Finally, and this is important, don't make excuses. Be happy with what you get done. If something isn't done, break it down into a smaller chore and put it on the list again. Don't say to yourself, "I didn't do this this week because...". If you didn't get to it, it is not a failure, it has just been put into next week's list, but a little higher on the list. Remember, these are things that you want to do. Thinking about it won't get it done. Making excuses won't get it done. Actually taking steps to get it done WILL get it that much closer to being done. I have made my lists. Have you? Let's get things done...together. Today, I listened to the song "Never Too Late" by Three Days Grace... I believe my Dad has blogged about this before, but I wanted to just put in my two cents on this song AND the topic it discusses. The song in and of itself revolves around trying to talk someone out of suicide, if you listen to the lyrics properly. I find it strange, to be honest... once someone has committed suicide... it is too late. That's it. They've chosen to end their life, and it is over. I'm not trying to be pessimistic.. but it's the truth. There is no good way to look upon something like that.
Yes, you may have memories of the person and items that belonged to them, but you do not have the person and it is not the same. When the person makes that choice... it is too late. For them, at least. However, it is NOT too late for you. Some people get devastated over the death of a loved one... and I realize that it is tough to get over or understand at first. This happens to everyone; sadly, some of us let the death of another infect our own lives. I have friends on one end of the scale who say they could give a shit if ANYONE died and that they wouldn't care either way, and other friends who get so traumatized by death that they turn to depression and even suicidal thoughts of their own to cope. The point of this post is that we are all caught up in the great circle of life- we are born, we live our allotted amount of time out, and we die. It happens to everyone inevitably, one way or another. Some of us may feel that people are given too little time on Earth... but we all have an unset timer. When we die, we die. Yes, poor decisions may force that timer to run out faster, but we all die anyway. The younger the person, the more tragic the death may seem because it will seem unfair that they did not have as long a life as they should have, and it is even more tragic if the death is due to an illness that is uncontrollable. However: you should not let the death of another.. no matter how close to you... affect your life to the point that you yourself want to die. Nothing should cause that... ever. Yes, mourn their loss and grieve... but don't take death too hard. It happens to everyone, and it will continue to happen. At the end of your life, most of the people you knew and loved will have died too; and then you will die. The best thing you can do is pick your head up, shake off the bad feelings, and continue to live your life... just like everyone else. Maddie Today as I scrolled through Facebook, I came across an interesting post that one of my aunts had shared. I found it to be very true and also good advice for many, and I'd like to share it here.
"A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz. She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything." Remember to put the glass down." I think this is great. It's an awesome metaphor... and it gives good advice that I think a lot of my friends should follow (hence why I tagged about 15 of them in the comments of the post). Too often, we stress out over the smallest things... and then let the small problems build up and lead into big problems. Big problems tend to cause even more stress, which can lead to longer lasting problems such as depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, migraines and even premature heart attacks. For example... my grandma lets herself get worked up over small and insignificant things. If I leave one piece of laundry on the floor of my room, she flips. If the house doesn't get vacuumed to her standards every week, she gets into a bad mood. These things are so small and so easily fixed, yet she lets them determine her mood for the rest of the day. I often say to pay attention to the little things in life... but I don't mean the little things to make you miserable! If you set large things as what determines if you are happy or not, you are going to lead a sad life. In the end, it all winds down to you and the choices you make. You can wake up in the morning every day and choose to be happy, or choose to be grumpy... which do you choose? I am happy... and I am also happy with my choice. Maddie Here is a quote I read this morning: "Reduce the supply of your words and the value of each word goes up." I think this is brilliant! Did you ever listen to a story where the person gave you too much information? This happened to me last night. As silly as this sounds, I actually told the person that the next time she tells me a story I want her to throw out and not tell me every third sentence. Although what I said sounds rude, I told that to a person I am very close to and I told it to her so she could improve her story telling abilities. She did not take it as an insult. In fact, she smiled and thought it was funny the way I put it!
Sometimes, we all need to be reminded not to ramble. For my work, I have approximately 56 lines to tell people why I would or would not buy a stock. Many times, sell-side analysts are writing 40-page reports to tell them the same thing! Oftentimes, after writing the first draft of my report, I will be a few lines over my allotted 56. This forces me to look closer at my analysis and get rid of everything that is not really necessary. Adjectives are usually the first things that go. Flowery sentences are then reworded to save on space. After I have made everything fit into place, I then like to read it out loud before I send it to the editor. This way, I am sure that the narrative flows and that my thoughts are clear and easy to understand. While this works well for written reports, It is harder to do if you are speaking. Over the years, I have oftentimes had to give talks in front of crowds. I have spoken to crowds of well over 100 people (I think 300 people was the largest crowd I have spoken to) and I have spoken to people one on one. The best way to keep everyone interested is to actually know your topic. All of my best talks I have given without prepared remarks. One time, I accidentally scared the hell out of one of my clients. His firm had flown me out to Buffalo to give a talk to their clients about gold stocks. When I got there, the auditorium was packed. My client asked me if I was ready and I said yes and handed him a thumb drive with my slides on it. He then asked me if he could see my prepared remarks and I told him that I didn't have any...just notes. He then asked if he could see my notes, so I handed him three index cards. His face turned pale. My index cards had six words on them, one on each side of a card. He looked at me and he said "You will be able to do this won't you?" I said "sure, I talk about gold stocks all the time, what I need to know is up here" I said as I pointed to my head. I then stepped out to the podium and gave a 35-minute presentation and answered questions for an additional 15 minutes. I was their most popular speaker of the day! To keep people interested in what you are saying, you need to keep focused on what is important. The minute you start to stray away from what is important the audience can tell, and they start to think you are full of shit. So, keep it brief, and keep it on target. Remember these rules for your personal interactions as well and you will never be at a loss for words, and your words will carry more weight with others. Dad wrote a post about me earlier today, and I just wanted to write a follow-up post to it. First and fore-most, thank you... you gave me good advice, even if I scorned it at first and left you without an answer to it. You always give me good advice, to be honest! I feel bad sometimes- I will on occasion ignore your advice when I'm in a bad mood, and regret it later. You have been around longer than I have, and know a LOT more about socializing and maintaining a good social life than I do... usually. You don't understand the norms of being social ONLINE (starting a YouTube channel? Bad idea XD) but that's okay... I can and will teach you. I appreciate that you are always there for me if I have a problem. I know I can always come and talk to you, no matter what time it is. Even if you're working, you will set it aside most times to help me out with whatever senseless issue I may be having- whether it has to do with homework, friends, or just life in general. I know that you have a difficult schedule, even working for home, but I love that you still take the time for not only me but my sister as well. It means so much more than you think it does... I hear too often from my friends and they have absolutely NO relationship with their parents whatsoever or say they completely hate their parents. I can't see how anyone could hate the person who gave them life, or the person who has raised them or cared for them since the day they were born. I know that some situations can be really shitty, but your parents SHOULD always be there for you. I emphasize on the word "should" because I do know that most parents simply don't take the time to get to know their children, or to sit and talk to them about their problems... which leads to the kids constantly relying on their friends to help them or relieve their stress. Not necessarily a bad thing, but kids should be able to go to their parents without any fear and knowing that their parents will help them through whatever they're going through. If you're a kid and you are reading this- your parents do love you and care for you, even if it seems that they don't at times. Try talking to them and opening up to them more, and be sympathetic to their problems too- it's a matter of understanding each other, because just like anything else, it can't be a one-way street. You both have to make an effort to get to know each other. Try seeing things the way they do, and just remember that they were your age once too- I know that everyone says this, but they probably faced the same social and stressful situations you are currently facing. Chin up! As for parents reading this... all I can say is take the time to get to know your kids and form a strong and unbreakable bond with them. It is the best thing you can and ever will do. It means so much to us... yes, be a parent and be strict at times, but also be the best friend and the person we know we can always go to for comfort, support, and honest advice. Don't get fed up with us... remember, you had these problems at one time or another. Maybe not the same exact one, but similar enough where you should know what it feels like. As I said above- be sympathetic to our problems. Try to see things how we see them. Our issues may seem unimportant to you, but they mean the world to us. With that, I will end this blog with a quote and be off to play Call of Duty with my Dad. "We're all in the same game; just different levels. All in the same hell; just different devils." Well, here is a statement that should be obvious to everyone. If you are bored, do something else! I'll say it again: DO SOMETHING ELSE!!!
The above rant is targeted to one of my lovely daughters, who came into my office earlier and complained she had nothing to do. Today was day two of MAPS testing for home schooled children. To be nice, I cut her school work down to just writing her blogs. Well, it seems that may have been a bad idea. She came in complaining of nothing to do...Even though her grandmother had kindly offered to take her to the mall. When I pointed this out to her, she said, she knew, but she wanted to be able to talk with her friends. Her friends mainly live in New Ipswich, and it seems that none of their families have cars. Thus, they sit around and text all day. Well, my daughter wanted to communicate with them, but she was bored with it as well. Thank God she decided to go to the mall with Grandma. She came home energized and happy because she had found a new outfit. Sometimes, you need to step out and do things on your own and not wait for confirmation from your friends. I can tell you from experience, they are not waiting around all day in front of their computer for you. If you are on great...if you are not, well not the end of the world, there is always someone else to chat with or other things to do! Life is for living...not for waiting around for others to validate your choices. If you find you are getting bored sitting around waiting for someone else to do something, then you are destined to live a very boring life! Seize the opportunities that are thrown your way. Talk about your experiences. You'll soon find that others will want to join you on your adventures. Looking ahead, talk to your friends about the future, not the past. Make plans for the future, then move on and do something else. If you set plans with someone every time you get on your messaging device, you will soon find you have lots to do with lots of different people. Set things up for at least one week in advance. That way everyone has time to make plans for rides etc. Do this now, and you will find that within a week, you'll always have stuff to do. Oh, and keep your texting sessions short. Make people look forward to talking to you. If you are always on and talk to them for hours, they have no incentive to meet up with you. One final thought. When you do meet up with someone, always find something glowing to talk about about them with your other friends. Never talk negatively about the person. After all, they did take the time to meet up with you! The more nice things people hear you say about others that do hang out with you, the more they will want to hang out with you as well to hear what you will have to say about them. Remember, no one likes a gossip! They like to hear positive things about themselves! In turn, they will look forward to hanging with you and see what good you see in them! Got that Munchkin? Give it a try and see if you find you are less bored in the future. I bet you'll find your life will become more exciting because of it. Of course, if you are still bored, I can always find more school work for you to do. Happy Day! 6. Avoid people who do not share your "core" values - This one can be hard, because sometimes it can involve family members. This one should be a no brainer. If a person isn't honest, or pleasant or ...add your own adjectives here... why would you want them in your lives? They say there is honor among thieves. Don't believe it! If you are not a thief, then don't associate with one.
I, like many people, have a Facebook page and have many contacts. While I enjoy keeping up with what is happening with my friends lives, there are some people I just have to turn off the newsfeeds for. These people have a constant stream of complaints about people and things that just make me not want to hear about it any more. While everyone has the occasional bad day and may vent about it, the people I am talking about are the ones who continually make bad decisions, and then are surprised when things turn out wrong! Ever hear of the woman who likes the "Bad boy" image, and then complains and cries after the guys she dates cheat on her or steal from her...or are "lazy"? Or what about the friend who constantly drinks too much, but complains about the hangover or is annoyed at the cops for giving him a DWI. Ugh! they never learn. My advice, turn them off and tune them out. Spend time with people who share your values. You'll be happier! 7. Surround yourself with people you love, like, or respect - This rule works hand in hand with rule 6! Life is just so much more enjoyable when you surround yourself with people who are pleasant and comfortable to be around. Now, I don't mean that I want to surround myself with people who think exactly like me. No, I like to hear many different points of view on all types of subjects. What I mean is that I want people in my life that I can trust and enjoy their company. 8. Let logic dictate your actions - If turning right on Elm Street leads you to a dead end on Monday, then it is pretty damn certain that turning right on Tuesday or any day will lead you to that same dead end! Although my example is simple, many people can't seem to make that same leap in other parts of their life. Here are some easy ones that people seem to always get wrong: The odds are stacked against you when you play the lottery, or go to the casino..."Someone has to win it!" does not justify your poor decision! Excessive drinking can kill you. Just ask my wife...when you get to heaven, that is, since it did kill her. There is only a fine line between excessive drinking and what you do. If you are having more than one, you are having too many. And if you are only having one, then why do it? My favorite: If the value of every fiat currency in the history of the world has eventually collapsed to zero, why do people expect the fate of the U.S. dollar to be any different? The dollar has already lost more than 95% of its value since it was first instituted in 1913. Where is the value in that? So what does logic dictate? Let me guess, you'll think about it over a couple of glasses of wine tonight. My heart weeps for many of you. 9. If you make a promise, try to over deliver - Everyone loves to get more than they expect. If you say you will do something for someone, do it with a gracious heart and without expectation of reward. I find when I do this, good things happen to me in return. Not only from the person I have helped but from unexpected directions! I don't know why this works, it just does. This goes back to knowing yourself. If you don't want to do something, then don't promise to do it! If you do promise to do it, then do it to the best of your ability. 10. Be flexible - Life brings many changes. If you don't change with it, you may get overwhelmed. Not everything will always go to plan. When you realize this, you'll be more apt to change your plan. Notice I said, change your plan and not your goal...there is a difference! If a tree falls across my path, I will make a new path around or over it. Being flexible in thought and action will allow you to overcome your obstacles. I hope you enjoyed my 10 rules for living, and that they at least made you think. What are your rules to live by? Leave yours in a comment. I'd love to some day write a post on all of the different rules of life that my readers follow. Rules to live by...We all have them. Some people have better rules than others, but we all have them, whether we realize it or not. Below are the rules I try to live by. Have they changed since I was in my twenties? Sure. I have grown as a person, and things that were important to me back then, are not exactly the same things that are important to me now. Without further ado, My list:
1. To thy own self be true - In other words, be honest with yourself. To paraphrase Shakespeare, "All the world's a stage and we all wear many masks." To my daughters, I am their father...to my Research Director, I am an analyst. To some, I am sensei, to others a stranger, a client, a patient or even a man walking by them in a store. I am all these things, yet underneath it all I am me. To be true to myself, means that the decisions I make while "wearing" one mask, shouldn't go against the values I live by while playing my other roles. 2. Treat others as you yourself would like to be treated - This one I think holds true for everything you do in life. The only area in my life where this doesn't hold entirely true is when I am sometimes fighting at the dojo. There, we have sparring hard or going easy. When I spar "hard" I like to hit hard, although I must say I try to avoid getting hit hard back in return. There are still rules, of course, (no direct shots to the face (the chin is NOT part of the face!) no groin shots, etc., but you do get to put some power in your punches! It's lots of fun, and I recommend everyone try it sometime. Aside from then, I try to treat everyone with kindness and respect...because that is how I like to be treated. 3. Try to be happy - Life is too short to do otherwise! Too many go through life worrying about what others think about them. Whether or not they have a "cool" car or the "right" cell phone. Whether or not this one or that one likes them and on and on. In the end, who really cares! What do you favor? That is what really counts! Some people also don't seem happy unless they are doing something "big". literally say they hate their life! They hate their job or the weather, or even the people around them...yet they have nothing but glowing things to say about their last trip to Mexico or the Bahamas. My advice to these people is that if they like it there so much, and hate it here, then they should move there. That way they will be happier. I usually get blank stares in return and then the phrase, "I can't do that because (fill in the blank)." Yep, all talk, no walk. The fact is that if they can only be happy when something "Big" happens (such as a vacation) then they will rarely be happy. Instead, I recommend looking to the little things for happiness...hugs from my daughters... a good workout at the dojo...a good cup of coffee. I also try to experience these things somewhere where I can be happy. I know you CAN move to where you will be happier, because I did. Seven years ago, I moved from New Jersey to New Hampshire because I thought it would be a better place to raise my kids and I love to be around nature. In the end, it was a great move and rarely a day goes by when I don't enjoy a view of the mountains or a lake. Does that mean that I am never sad, or that bad things don't happen to me? No, I'm human. Bad things do happen still, Since moving to New Hampshire, my wife has died in my arms and I have closed a business that I had built for ten years. Bad things do happen. How we handle what happens to us and where we look for our happiness makes all the difference, however. I try not to dwell on the past. I look for my little bits of happiness each day, and I try to cultivate friendships with those who add to my happiness. 4. Be honorable - Face it, no one likes a liar, thief or bully. Be honest with people and be honest with yourself. Be kind and live and let live. If everyone followed these rules, the world would be a better place. The best place to start the process is with yourself. I find it best to limit my association with people who don't follow these rules. Like I said earlier, life is too short to surround yourself with liars and fools. Expect from others exactly what you yourself do. If others don't meet this standard, then don't associate with them! I find my life is more pleasant when I am not wondering whether so and so is lying to me. Surround yourself with people you can trust, and you will be happier. 5. Lead by example - Part of the problem with the world today is that our "leaders" don't really lead. They pontificate. They like to tell you what rules and laws you need to follow while having a second set of rules for themselves. It's the same with many of the "leaders" of our non-profit organizations. Only your time or money will help the poor or the animals, or the environment...meanwhile these "leaders" are getting paid handsomely for their time. Personally, I believe that if you want to really help the poor, or the environment, or the animals, then get out and do it in your own area! There are a lot of people that need help. You don't need a large organization to point them out to you. Open your eyes! Lend a hand where you can see the results of your labor...or cash if you don't have the time. In my life, particularly where it concerns my daughters, I try to lead by example. I have both of my daughters take karate so that they will be better able to protect themselves if they ever need to. I also find it is a healthy lifestyle for them to follow. Given that's the case, I too started karate. I try not to ask my daughters to do anything that I won't do myself. If I expect them to live a healthy lifestyle, exercise and avoid drugs and alcohol, then I damn well better do it too! Hypocrites suck! I never make my daughters do anything that I either haven't or won't do myself. Lead by example. That's what I try to do. Wayne |
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