"Certain people will always be bored." That's a quote by Albert Einstein. And he is right. Some people, no matter what you are doing will always be bored. It doesn't matter whether you are climbing Mt. Everest Or watching a no-hitter in a World Series game live behind home plate. They will just look at their watch as if they are checking whether they can go home yet..
I find it hard to be friends with these people. I really have to work hard to be bored when I am around other people. First, I believe it is impolite to make people feel as if they are not worth your time. Everyone has something that is interesting about them. Thus, when I am with others I try to find out what that something is. Secondly, I like people to have a good time when I am around them. Whether they are working or are just enjoying some time with me, I like to try and make them laugh. That alone will usually keep me from getting bored. I think the problem with some people is that they really don't know what makes them happy. Sometimes, what they think makes them happy, actually makes them unhappy...but they don't realize it and instead blame everything else for their troubles. A couple of good examples of this are drinking and friendships. I will give you two examples. I have a friend from when I was younger who I have not seen in a long time. He has a drinking problem. He has been to AA yet he has given it up and went back to drinking. About three times a week he posts a picture of himself in one bar or another, always with a martini or a pint of beer in his hand looking depressed and/or shitfaced. The caption is usually something like "At Slaughtered Lamb trying to forget." or "Slumming it again on Fulton Street, but hey as long as they pay me I show up." Clearly this man is unhappy. Yet he doesn't equate his unhappiness with the way he is spending his off hours. Like a fool, I have twice sent him information on rehabs he could go to to get sober (In the past he has spoken to me about getting sober), yet each time I did, he got back to me and said he was just a drunk and that's it. Sad, really, but what are you going to do. You can't make them quit. They need to do it on their own. A second example has to do with a friend I had when I was younger. A number of us all used to hang out together. One thing I noticed though, was that the group was rarely all happy with one another. Over time, I noticed that the troubles usually revolved around one person. All people were involved with the strife at one time or another... but there was always one person who was stirring the pot and trying to set the others against each other. After realizing this, I tried to distance myself from this "friend", although since he still hung around with the group it didn't really work. Finally, once this guy was caught doing something the crowd disapproved of and was dropped as a friend by most in the group, did everyone stop going for each other's throats. It's sad really. This guy was once a good friend to everyone in the group, but it just got to the point that no one could actually be happy around him since he was causing so much dissension between the group. Sometimes, you just have to let go to keep your own happiness intact. It is good to be there for your friends when they have a problem. But if those problems are a constant, and they begin to become your problems or effect your mood. Then you need to know when to let them go. Friends should be there to support each other. But if it gets to a point where that person can't or won't take advice that will make the situation better, then it is time to step back and distance yourself from the situation until their situation changes and no longer impacts your own happiness or moods. Drinking and friendships are two things that can keep you from being happy. They can also MAKE you reach a point where you are the one that always seems bored, and can't spend a moment with your friends or family without seeming bored with their presence. Remember, if someone has taken the time to be with you...and you accepted that time, then try not to seem bored that you are around them. Give them the attention you would want in the same situation. That is the best way to never seem like one of those people who are either always bored or are instead boring to be around for others.
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"Be as you wish to seem." is another great quote by Socrates. I find it amazing that this guy lived about two thousand years ago and yet we are still quoting him today. I always wish that I could say something so profound that people would be quoting me the next day, let alone a couple thousand years from now. Still, I look back and I think that they killed Socrates because of his opinions, so I think their is something to be said about showing some restraint, no matter how profound a statement you can make.
Be as you wish to seem is great advice though. Many people fail to act as they want to be because they don't see themselves in that light. What a shame that is, because we can all be what and how we want to be. All we have to do is know how we want to be, and then act that way. If you want to be known as a wise person, then you need to act wisely. Find the things in life that you know and distill that knowledge down to its essence. When speaking on that subject, speak with authority, because if you know the essence of a thing, then you ARE an authority. Over time, branch out and extend your knowledge to different areas. One doesn't need to know nuclear physics to be considered wise. One just needs to be bale to give sound advice about what they do know. If you don't know a subject well, then don't give advice. Instead, suggest either a person who knows the topic better so that the person asking the question knows who to turn to, or suggest a place where the person could find more information to help them. A fool pretends to know everything and gives advice without knowledge. A wise man keeps his own counsel, learns new things constantly and only gives advice when asked on subjects that he knows well. Remember, be as you wish to seem. If you want to be known as wise, then you need to act wise. On the flip side, you can use this approach to be anything you want to be. If you want to be attractive to the opposite sex, then find out what the opposite sex really finds attractive. I don't mean looks wise either. I mean find out what traits people look for when they are looking for a mate, and then act as if you are already all of those things. Not to fool them...but to make yourself believe that you already have those traits. Some of those traits might be: Be well groomed; Be honest; Be well spoken: Be well read: Have a sense of humor that is witty, and not too crude; Have a nice smile. Those are just a couple of things that I could think of off of the top of my head. It is not hard to actually be any, or all of those things. You just have to put your mind to it, and then become those things. You don't have to become all those things over night. You just need to work at them a little each day...until you become who you think you can be in your mind's eye. If you gradually make the changes, no one will even know you are changing at all. They will one day only remember you as always being that way. Be as you wish to seem...It's great advice, and it works! All great achievements require time. That is a quote by the poet Maya Angelou. Believe it or not, my first exposure to Maya's work was in the subways of New York. The subway used to put little ads up that quoted her work. The ads weren't promoting anything...it was just her poetry. I would sit as the train moved from station to station and read her work. I always though "What soft, kind words for a hard world." Her words were peaceful and thought provoking.
The quote above is also thought provoking. Time is the hidden factor is most things. It is hidden because it is so obviously there. Think about the last second jump shot that wins a game. Some people just see the arc of the shot, the swish of the net, and the joy as the shooter is carried off the floor in victory. But there is so much more to that story. The hours of practice it took for that person to be out on the floor at that moment in the first place. The hundreds, no thousands of previous shots it took for that person to be good enough at his craft to be out on the floor in a championship game. To not only be out on the floor but tio be the person relied upon to take that final shot. We've all seen movies like The Bad News Bears where Timmy Lupus ends up being the hero because he closes his eyes and somehow catches the ball that otherwise would have fallen as a grand slam home run that would have won the game for the other side. And we all know that that scene is complete bullshit. In reality the Timmy Lupus' of the world are booger-eating morons (that is a line from the movie by the way, so don't take it as me judging the character harshly), and there is no way that ANY self-respecting coach would have him out in the field during the final inning of a close game. I have coached in leagues where are children have to play at least a quarter in each game (basketball). The good coaches make sure to use all of their less talented players prior to the fourth quarter. Particularly in a close game. That way they can have all of their best players available for the final quarter of the game and be in a better position to win. Time, I find, is the difference between success and failure about 90% of the time. The person who practices more, or has more experience doing something, is more often the person who will be successful. You might ask, "Well what about the person who discovers something totally new?" Even then, I would say the person with more experience wins out. Think about Thomas Edison and the light bulb. Thomas Edison did not discover the light bulb! He discovered the proper materials which needed to be used to make the bulb last longer. The idea of a "light bulb" had been around at least since the lantern. Edison was attempting to find a filament that would allow electricity to be used to serve as the energy for the light instead of fire. He succeeded, eventually. But he had many failed experiments before he found success. I think you see where I am headed with this. If you love something, give it time. If you love karate, practice. If you love to write, then write something daily. But most importantly, if you love your wife or children, then spend time with them. The greatest achievement any of us can have is to be surrounded by the ones we love. Yet so many of us go through life lonely, or looking to distract ourselves by doing things that take us away from the ones we love. Television, drinking, drugs, watching sports on TV, gambling... none of these things lead to our own achievement. Yet many people spend most of their spare time pursuing those endeavors. It's sad really, how wasting our time can lead to a life with no achievement. To be great, you need to use your time wisely. And I use the word "great" loosely here. What is important to you? It can be a who or a what. Whatever it is, you need to spend time to achieve the "greatness" you seek. My goal is to be as great a father as I can for my daughters. To do that, it takes time. Time to play with them, to teach them, to talk to them and to just allow them to know that I am always there for them. I work from home. I home school them. I train at the dojo with them, and I explore the world with them. Make time for what and who you love. THAT is the greatest achievement that anyone can ever have, in my opinion. "It is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart." Mahatma Gandhi said that one. Actually, it is a small part of a long-winded quote, which I really didn't feel like dealing with this evening. And anyway, the small part I quoted is really a good rule for living, if you really think about it.
Have you ever said something that you later came to regret? Or said, something that, while true, was very hurtful to someone and that really didn't need to be said in the first place? If so, whether it was about a very small subject or a life changing moment, those are still examples of words without a heart. Meanwhile, if you ever had your heart aching to tell someone something, but you could not find the right words to actually express how you feel, then that is an example of having a heart with no words. I have experienced both sides of that coin over the years, and I can tell you from experience that they both suck. If you ever experience the feeling of a heart without words, I recommend you find someone you can confide in that may be able to help you to find those words. Take it from me, IT IS IMPORTANT!!! We all think that there will be another day to express our feelings to the ones we love. It's not always true. In Genesis, it says " For you were made from dust, and to dust you will return." Believe me, you'd be surprised how quickly people can whither and die in your life. Your heart without words will come back to haunt you if you never act to find the words. If you take one idea from this post, make it the idea that a heart without words can torment you if you wait too long to find the words, or if you find the words and then decide to keep them to yourself until you find a better time to say them. A heart without words can quickly turn into a broken heart, or a heart of sadness. On the flip side, never say words out of anger only. If you know something you are going to say is going to hurt, and you truly love or respect (or both) the person you are going to say it to, then think twice about saying it. Is that one moment of satisfaction or triumph worth the pain you are going to unleash? Remember, just because something is true does not mean that it won't hurt the other person. Try and let your heart guide you in affairs of the heart. Let your head guide you in the logic of your actions. Usually logic will and can win out in both situations. Unfortunately, there will be times when you are emotionally hurt and your logic won't always win out. That is when you need your heart to do your speaking for you. NOT your emotions. Your inner feelings are from the heart. If the feelings seem to be emanating from your head, then that is an emotion. In general, your heart can express love, not like and sadness, not anger or vengeful feelings. Compassion comes from your heart. Revenge and tit for tat from your mind. All said, a heart without words is a call to find the words. Words without heart is a fool's errand. Love deeply. Forgive the small and inconsequential. Know yourself. And express your true feelings from the heart only. "Those awful things are survivable, because we are as indestructible as we believe ourselves to be."11/12/2015 I have to say that this quote is quite true... to a certain degree. There are some things that happen that can't be survived- for example, being blown to smithereens. I don't care HOW much you believe you're indestructible, if a bomb goes off next to you... you will die. Believing that you can jump off of a 20-story building and not die won't change the fact that you will still inevitably die on impact. Belief (when it comes to physical injury, anyway) cannot change anything.
The same cannot be said for mentality. Your mental state, though more complicated than physicality... is a lot more controllable. Allow me to explain the twistedness behind this. With physical pain and suffering, the pain is pin-pointable (usually). You can identify it and solve it, HOWEVER, changing your belief or point of view can not fix it. With mental pain, you can never be sure EXACTLY what is causing it. Yes, it would be wonderful if we could... but we can't. However, we can change our way of looking at everything... from small little things to life itself; and change ourselves... even heal ourselves without knowing what the problem is. The mind itself is far too complicated to explain in one blog post... in an entire book, really. It's complicated and constantly changing, and everyone's is different whether you like it or not. I'll leave it at this- the worst things that can happen are regrets; and I live without them. They used to weigh me down and make me unhappy but I learned to look at life through a different lens and it helped dramatically. Look at life like this: We only get one chance to live. What happens in the past is the past... learn from it, but move on. You cannot change or edit the past in any way. No matter how much you want to. Or think about it. Or stress about it. IT IS. UNCHANGEABLE. Accept it. Forget it. Forgive. Move on. ~Maddie I have expressed my hatred for this subject before; but I feel the need to write about it again to stress its importance. So many people walk around feeling that they know everything there is to know about addiction. I've been told by people before "alcohol can't harm you unless you abuse it".... I disagree. An addiction is an addiction; whether you abuse it or not. As long as you're drinking regularly... you're addicted. It doesn't matter if you 'abuse' it or not. Abusing it just makes the case worse. IT. IS. STILL. ADDICTION.
I have also had friends say "you can't get addicted from one beer" and other dumb shit along those lines. Well guess what, genius? How do you think addictions start? Do you think you take one sip of beer and become a full-blown alcoholic? No. It takes time. The more you do it, the worse it gets. It doesn't start full-blown. Just like anything else, it has to grow... and to grow it has to be fed. This is the exact reason that I refuse to ever consume alcohol or drugs of any type. All it takes is one... and then I could potentially be ruining my life. Addiction runs in my family, particularly to drugs and alcohol. This means that I myself am susceptible to becoming easily addicted. I watched it ruin my mom's life and I've watched it ruin the lives of people in my family and I do not wish to follow in their footsteps... I know that it is possible to live a happy and healthy life WITHOUT alcohol or drugs being involved. I try to distance myself from those who include it in their lifestyle simply for my own health. I cannot stand to see people drink, even though I do unfortunately have to witness it from time to time and jokes about it making it seem like it's no big deal make me physically ill. Do not tell me addiction is nothing to worry about. Do not tell me to "just get over it". Do not tell me things could be worse. Do not tell me that it doesn't matter. Do not tell me that it is normal. And do NOT tell me that it is acceptable and a part of society today. That is bullshit. Addictions end lives. I know that too well. Don't be stupid. ~Maddie I know, I know. It sounds stupid. Running a blog where you can write about ANYTHING sounds easy, correct? Easy enough when you ACTUALLY HAVE IDEAS. Most days, I get inspired by many things- my friends, family, nature, even quotes or funny things I see on the internet. Once I get inspired; there's no stopping me. I write and write until all the ideas, emotions and opinions that are in my head are out into a well-formed blog post.
The deepness that comes from me when I actually think and am inspired makes it easy to tell when I am feeling uninspired. When I am not properly inspired, my posts become short, don't have any structure and tend to end before it appears they should. However... when my brain runs out of ideas, I can't help it. The reason for posts dropping off so quickly is usually due to a distraction while WRITING the post- if I lose my train of thought due to something stupid (i.e. a new text, or my family talking to me) it is hard for me to regain it and the post often dead-ends. If I could give 5 good tips for running a blog; these would be it.
~Maddie A piece of me wants to agree with this quote, but at the same time, it is many levels of wrong. I am a firm believer in saying what's on your mind and saying what you feel; because you should be able to openly express yourself. However, in doing this there comes a time where a line must be drawn in order to prevent other feelings from getting hurt. There are times to speak your mind and let feelings out... and times to stay silent and keep your opinions to yourself.
I have learned this the hard way, unfortunately. Too often, I speak without thinking, and because of this, I have hurt feelings of friends and family alike. It sucks. I can apologize all I want; but the sting and hurt will always remain, and nothing can truly change that. "Words are tidal waves, and we too often splash them about like puddles." In painful situations, it is best to just stay silent and not share opinions... a good rule is to not reply to people when you are angry. So in the end, what is my opinion of the quote? I don't agree with it. Sometimes speaking your mind can hurt... and then you SHOULD say sorry. Don't speak without thinking. ~Maddie There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting. That is a quote by Buddha. I struggle with this quote, In a sense, he is right, If you are searching for truth on a particular subject, then those would be the two deadly sins. Where I struggle is that sometimes there are truths that are just too horrific to know. And once you realize that this might be the case, you may just be better off not knowing. I think its a decision we all need to make on our own.
What is the truth worth? In some instances, the truth may be worth your life. Oftentimes it's not though. The wisdom is in being able to tell the difference. At this point in my life, I like to look for the truth in many things, but in some things I just don't care anymore. What most people think about my personal decisions, I really don't care about. If I want someone's opinion about one of my decisions, I will ask them pointedly about it in private. Otherwise, I could care less what most people think about most subjects. My life has gotten simpler after taking this attitude. No more worrying about what other people think. So what are my truths? After 49 years my main truths are: 1. Treat others as you yourself want to be treated. 2. Look for peace, but be prepared to defend yourself. 3. Some people are worth dying for. Some aren't. 4. Not all laws are just. 5. Follow #1 and you will likely not break any laws! 6. Everything on TV is either a lie or an opinion. 7. Many people have an agenda...watch out for them! A lot of them won't be in your best interest. 8. To get closer to the truth, find out who benefits and how. 9. Think before making a decision. Logic trumps emotion. 10. Not everything you like is good for you...and you won't like somethings that are good for you! 11. A car is a tool. Don't make more out of it than it really is. 12. Don't judge a book by its cover..or people by their looks. 13. Listen more than you talk. 14. Only give advice when it is asked for...accept with your own children! 15. If you love someone, be there for them. There are probably more truths than that. Those are just the ones that came to mind. In fact, here's another: If you love someone, tell them every day...for one day, you won't have the chance to tell them. And you never know when that day will be. And if it happens to you, you will remember that for the rest of your life. That last one is one truth I wish I never had to learn personally. "I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned the hard way that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what is going to happen next." That profound statement was by Gilda Radner. For those of you born after 1990, Gilda Radner was a comedian best known for her work on Saturday Night Live in the late 1970's. One of her characters, Roseanne Roseannadanna, is still mentioned when people speak of the show even though its been over 35 years since it was last shown live. Gilda died in 1989 from ovarian cancer at the age of 43.
The quote above comes from a book Gilda wrote after her cancer had gone into remission. Sadly her cancer came back and killed her. The quote is very blunt and reminds us that life isn't always what we want it to be. It's optimistic, though, too, because it tells us to take the moment and make the best of it. Live and do your best, and if life throws you a lemon, make lemonade. There is a lot of sadness in the world, and some of it will inevitably come your way. The trick is not to allow it to take control of you and change your life for the worse. My wife's death certainly changed the ending that I had foreseen for myself. My wife was ten years younger than me, and I always expected that I would die before she did...when we were both old and gray. I never thought that at 45 I would be raising two children on my own, or frankly that I would be running my own business. Life happens though, and that is exactly what I was doing. Rather than lamenting that my life wasn't following my loose expectations, I tried and try to take each moment as it happens and make the best of it. I set goals for myself and actually take steps to achieve them. There is not always a perfect ending though. Sometimes I have to make do with what actually happens compared to what I picture. This particularly holds true when my plans involve others. My plans and goals don't always necessarily match up with the goals and plans of others. When this happens, I accept that others also have views on how things should be, and I then make a decision about whether or not my goals are still worthy of pursuing, only without that other person involved. Remember, not all endings are perfect. Some, like Gilda's could not be changed. Some endings can be changed, You just need the wisdom to know the difference. Dreams can be achieved...if you plan your path. If others do not want to join you on your journey, then you have to decide whether the journey has to be changed, or the people on it. Life is short. Some times brutally so. Whether you are at the beginning middle or end of yours, make your decisions wisely. Use logic to make your best choices. And don't get upset if others choose differently. Aside from health issues and accidents, you do have a choice. While not everyone will agree with your choices, and there could be unforeseen consequences, follow your logical decisions and to some extent follow your heart. Don't make decisions based on laziness, or based on what your friends are doing. Base them on what you truly want your future to look like. A life of freedom and creativity, or a life of always having you nose to someone else's grind stone...just making enough to pay your necessary expense and little left for anything else? When I was younger, I made decisions that impacted the rest of my life. I have few true regrets. The ones I have for the most part involve small personal things and then the major thing (the death of my wife). Choosing Sharon as my wife was never a regret. Not being able to help her beat her addictions will always haunt me though. Decisions I made that did not have the outcomes I wanted or expected will stay with me the rest of my life. In the end, I realize that it was decisions made by Sharon that led to her death. Still, that doesn't stop me from playing the what might have been game. Make your decisions wisely, because you will have to either live or die with them. I feel, sometimes, like I am extremely powerless in the huge world around me. In fact, I know I am... But often times I get ahead of myself and feel like I have more power than I do in reality. Sometimes it takes a smack in the face to wake me up to the fact that I'm actually quite powerless to everyone but myself- regardless of what I think.
The other day, one of my best friends was extremely depressed. I talked to her, and tried to help her through it. With her, this usually works... But it didn't seem to be helping today. This woke me up to the fact that I can't ALWAYS help. I can't ALWAYS make things better... And sometimes trying can make things worse. While I gave up on trying to help her, I didn't abandon her- I let her rant to me and talk everything through. In the end, I think that's what everyone needs. Someone they can talk to, relate to, understand and listen to as well. An equal exchange friendship. One where one is never more than the other; where both can be relaxed and calm and vent if need be and talk things through. I know that when I get depressed, I usually want to talk to someone... But most don't understand, so I don't bother. Some like to believe that because they are older, they have power over others. While this might hold true throughout childhood; it doesn't in the real world. Sometimes I question why parents feel the need to control children and their dreams, and not just guide them and help them through life. I have a friend who's parents are near forcing her into the military... Even though she doesn't want to join. She doesn't plan on joining, but the pressure and lack of support of her dreams from her parents makes things quite hard. At 18, she'll be able to make her own decision... But until then she is facing a military life. In the real world, you have to make your own choices and rely on yourself. You don't have people telling you what to do and how to do it (set aside a job). You have to go based on what you've been taught. I think that parents should guide and teach their children... Not control them, squash their dreams and hold them back. That's not parenting... Not at all. In the end, we are all powerless to everyone but ourselves. We can't force people to change, or to be something they are not... Unless they are open to change. ~Maddie "The body achieves what the mind believes." is a bastardized quote from Napoleon Hill. If you don't know him, you should. Napoleon was the author of Think And Grow Rich, one of the best-selling self-help books of all time. In a nutshell, Hill believed in the Golden rule...treat others as you yourself want to be treated. He also believed in a philosophy of achievement. The above quote falls into that belief.
Although it is a short quote, there is a lot of truth in it. If you truly believe that you can achieve something, you will find a way to do it. Be careful, though, this works with both positive and negative thoughts. My wife always said she would be dead by the time she was thirty eight. Six days after her thirty-eighth birthday, she was dead. On a positive note, no matter how bad things got, I always felt I would pull out of my troubles before going bankrupt and return to making good cash. I have to admit, I came really close to going belly up. Every time that I thought I was going under though, something would come along to keep me going. An unexpected windfall, a new client, a job offer. If you want something in your life, believe that you are going to get it. Then make a plan on how you are going to get it. Finally, follow your plan! Take small steps each day to further yourself along the path to your goal. The more you believe, and the more action you take, the quicker you will achieve it. Remember, nothing comes for free. Believe it, plan for it and then work towards it. You will achieve it! Remember, this works for things that impact you only. You can't say I am going to marry that woman (who also happens to be happily married), and actually expect to achieve it. The other person also has free will and their plans and actions would have to be in line with yours to achieve that one. Aside from that, pick realistic goals, and then take the steps to achieve them. I know I must sound like a broken record, but this is one of the most important lessons you can learn. Have a firm belief in yourself and your actions and you will succeed at whatever you put your mind to. "If we did all of the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves." That's a quote by Thomas Edison. Among other notable feats, he has a town named after him in New Jersey. His main competitor, Nicola Tesla, who in my opinion was much more brilliant, only has a car named after him. And most people don't even realize it! So what did Nicola Tesla invent? Alternating current, X-rays, remote control, radio, the electric motor, lasers, fluorescent bulbs, and wireless communications to name a few! Death rays and free energy as well, if you believe the rumors.
Well, although the quote was by Edison, it sounds like he was talking about his main rival Tesla! As it turns out, Edison became a household word and he became very rich in the process, while Tesla astounded everybody, but died penniless. Go figure! Still, I think Edison's quote is largely correct. When we put effort into our actions we can astound ourselves. The problem is nearly all people I know are not certain about what they are capable of, and don't have the drive to find out. That's a poor combination since it almost guarantees that you will go through life as an underachiever. Do you want to achieve your full capabilities? If so, then you have to create an opportunity to exceed. This is actually easier than it sounds. Think of something that you have wanted to do, but didn't think you could. Now, make a plan to take steps towards achieving it. Make each step small and easy to achieve. In other words make each step small enough so that you know you can do it. For instance, if I wanted to paint my house, the first step I would take is to make a list of everything I would need. Next I would save up the money I needed to buy those supplies. After doing that, I would choose the colors I want the paints to be. Then I would go out and buy the supplies...etc. etc. In other words, I would make each step small enough so that I knew I could accomplish them eventually. Maybe I would make the steps even smaller...such as buying the supplies necessary to paint one room. It all really depends on me. None of the steps should be so daunting that I find the project will be too daunting. Although my long-term goal is to paint the house, if that thought is overwhelming to me, then I need to focus on a smaller job at hand that will eventually LEAD to my larger goal. Bring your focus down to a smaller and smaller level until you know you can accomplish the goal that is set out before you. Then just focus on accomplishing that one goal. As you fulfill one small goal after another, you will be moving closer and closer to your larger goal. While we all might not be able to paint a masterpiece, we are all capable of a simple brushstroke. And isn't that what a masterpiece is? A series of interconnected brushstrokes? How bad do you want the outcome? How patient are you? Do you have what it takes? I think you do. You just need to plan for incremental advancement. If you are not sure what you are capable of, then make plans that allow you to break down the tasks necessary to points where you are capable of completing them. And by doing that, you will reach your full capabilities! Remember, every day is an opportunity to astound yourself! "Be as simple as you can be; you will be astonished to see how uncomplicated and happy your life can become." is a quote by Paramahansa Yogananda. To be honest, I had never heard of this guy until I read his quote. I figured that he was probably like the Dalai Lama, and it ends up he is an Indian holy man. Close enough! Paramahansa was an Indian yogi active in the U.S. between 1910 and 1953 who was responsible for introducing millions of westerners to meditation and yoga.
Although I don't practice yoga, I do practice the martial arts, and I can tell you that it is often the simplest techniques that are the most effective. I also find that holds true with stock analysis. Oftentimes, the companies with the simplest press releases are the ones that perform the best. If you have to read to page six of the release to find out how much the company made during the quarter, you know that the company is trying obfuscate the poorness of the results with other points that shed the company in a better light. Two industries that I cover where this happens all the time are in telecom services and mining. A simple way of dealing with this, is to ignore what management says in regards to results, and instead let the numbers do the talking. Once you figure out the truth that the numbers are telling you, you can always go back and see what management has to say! This post isn't about stocks, though, so I'll bring it back to how simplicity in life can really add to your happiness. I find I am happiest when I try to follow three simple rules to happiness. Don't get me wrong, there are lots of little rules I make for myself to follow in my life. But there are three that I think are critical for happiness and that all of the other "rules" work from these three. Below, I'll try to define my three rules in there simplest terms. "Treat others as you want to be treated." Rule number one in my book. Deep down we all know how we like to be treated. When we are not treated the way we like, we wonder what could have caused it. Well, if you treat people poorly, then it's likely you won't be treated much better. All people deserve a modicum of respect. If you zing people or deride them, then it is likely that when they get a chance, they will return the favor. Instead, treat people with kindness and respect. Smile and make small talk. People of a similar disposition will follow suit, and all will have a more pleasant time. "Look to the little things for your happiness, since they happen far more often than the large." This one is really true. I try to find pleasure in the little things in my life. The view of Mt. Monadnock while I drive to karate, my first cup of coffee in the morning, The hugs my daughters give me when they first see me in the morning, are all examples of the little things that make me happy. Because I find happiness in the little things around me, I don't feel the need to go looking for those big things that others need to find happiness. The grand annual vacation? No need. I moved to where I thought I would be happy. While we do go on vacations occasionally, I usually set them up to be educational as well as fun. Find happiness in the little things and you will never be far away from your next smile! "Set small, medium and large goals and commit to them." This one is very important. By setting goals and achieving them, you get into a habit of success. For larger goals, set up a number of smaller goals that relate to your larger ambition. For instance, if you are looking to lose 40 pounds, set smaller goals like I will cut back on the portions of the food I eat, or I will workout three times a week. Use these smaller goals as starting points. As you hit these goals, you will build confidence towards hitting your larger goal. Set medium goals too, such as by the end of the month I want to lose ten pounds. By setting small goals that work towards your large and medium goals you are setting yourself on to the path of success. Don't just set the goals, though. Commit to them. Believe me, setting and achieving goals will go a long way towards building your happiness. Well, to tie it all together, none of my three rules are tough to implement. They have helped me through very tough times and I am still using them. Am I happy? I believe so. Things are definitely turning in the right direction. Keep it simple...and see how far you can go towards a life of happiness! This is how everyone should live- not really caring how other people's lives are and not being jealous. There will always be someone with a better life than you from your perspective; especially if you don't know them. Everyone has their own problems and struggles; but they don't display them to the world. So even someone with a seemingly perfect life has their own struggles to deal with... but they shouldn't concern you. As the quote says, you should be too busy trying to improve yourself to notice anyone else's issues.
Now, this quote is something I could do to learn from. I am a very sympathetic person, and I like to help my friends- and I will often take on THEIR stresses and troubles and set aside my own. I need to learn to focus on my own problems and on working on making myself happier- and KEEPING myself happier- rather than stressing out over my friend's lives. So while I may not be jealous about others' lives, I do need to start better caring for myself before putting others first. I should be putting myself first. And that about finishes up THIS post... I'll leave it here. ~Maddie I'm writing this post for a few reasons- but it is influenced by one of my friends. I'll keep her name out of this, but I want to share her story because I think people could learn from it. Recently, she got out of a really bad relationship with a guy. This guy was HORRIBLE for her- manipulative, over-bearing, a liar, and a cheater. On top of all of that, he betrayed her trust many times and it hurt her a lot. This lasted for 6 months, and since she's very forgiving, she gave her all to try and save the relationship. Obviously, in the end it failed since people like that are impossible to help... the guy dumped her because HE "couldn't handle it" in the end.
However, it's 4 months later and she's still letting this guy wreck her life. There are guys she wants to date who have asked her out; but she says no out of the fear that they'll be exactly like her ex. It's a rational fear, I understand- but at the same time, I think she should let go. She asked me for advice; and this is what I told her: "You can't let his dumb mistakes control you now. I mean yes, be careful... but don't let him stop you from living your life. Are you going to let him vindicate your every move for the rest of your life, simply out of fear that every guy will be like him..? I mean every relationship will come with its own set of problems; but not all of them will be like his. Just know the warning signs for people WITH his problem. But don't let someone who you dated THIS early in life control your entire life and make you fearful of love; because all love won't be like that. Mainly for the fact that what you had with him wasn't love." I think that this advice can be taken and used in MANY situations in life. You can't let something from the past vindicate your every move in life; because then you won't be able to live your life to the fullest. If you constantly live in fear of a repeated past; then you won't be able to create a new and improved future for yourself. And that is what I think my friend- and many others- need to understand. So, let go of your past- take the lessons you learned from it with you; but leave the fear behind. ~Maddie Okay, so on the surface the above quote doesn't seem to make sense. If there was positive, then it wouldn't be a negative event. Not so, something CAN be negative, yet still have some positive aspects. If the negative outweighs the positive, then it is a negative event. Even so, there is likely some positive from the event, and if there is, you should try to see it and profit from it.
A very personal negative event for me was my wife's death. No matter how hard I try, there was more negatives tied to that event than positives. While that is definitely true, if I think about it, there were some positive aspects too. Since it is personal, I don't want to get into this example too deeply. Suffice it to say that my daughters were removed from a situation where they were seeing the sufferings from addiction up close and personal. Midnight trips to the police department or hospital, while I tried to help Sharon, have become a thing of the distant past. That is the only example I will use here. Another negative turned positive that I will talk about involved the treachery of a friend when I was younger. On the surface, treachery of any type would seem to be a negative. The long-term repercussions of this one, though, were so positive that in hindsight, it would have been better if it had happened sooner than it did. So what's the story? When I was younger, I had a friend who was very manipulative and self-centered. It was hard to see though. You had to have known him for quite a while and seen it happen in a repetitive manner to notice it really. You see, this guy was always nice and friendly to people while he was with them, but as soon as someone annoyed him, he would work behind the scenes to make sure that person wouldn't hang out with the group as much. He would do it subtlety. To one person in the group, he would start to say negative things about the person, saying that that they had said something bad about the person behind their back. This was not always true. A lot of times the "negative" comment was usually only a part of the full thing that was said, with key pieces of information missing such as a qualification or a context. Next he would set up things to do and conveniently forget to invite the person he was mad at so that everyone who usually hung out together would be there except for the person he was mad at. He would then say he couldn't get in touch with him, or couldn't get an extra ticket or any number of excuses on why that person wasn't there. After a while, once people were enjoying themselves, he would say something like see how fun this is without so and so being here...trying to reinforce that things were better when that other person wasn't around. This went on for a while before I noticed it. Once I saw it though, I noticed that this behavior happened in cycles. For a month or two it would be one person who was getting the treatment. After a while, that person was let back in and another person was getting the shit treatment. All of it seemed to be designed to keep him at the center of the group and give him undue influence over who was in or out at any given moment. Once I figured it out, I started to distance myself from the guy, although that wasn't always possible since most of my friends hung out with him too. All of us had been friends since junior high school. We were all still partying together after college too. The event that changed everything happened soon after I got back from college. A bunch of us would usually get together to go out barhopping on the weekends. We lived at the Jersey shore and the bars were always packed on the weekends. We were in our mid to early twenties. During the week we all hung out together as well, and we often hung out with a group of girls that were slightly younger than us. It was good because while they were all above the age of 18, they were below 21 years old, and couldn't get into the bars. We liked that since we could hang with them during the week, but not have to worry about buying them expensive drinks at the bars on the weekend (all of us were working our first jobs and no one was making lots of money yet). Anyway, one of my friends started dating one of the younger girls, but was keeping it kind of casual. He'd still go out to the bars with us on the weekend, but he wasn't actively hitting on the chicks while we were out. My other friend was back to his old tricks and trying to stir trouble within the group. He let slip to this guy that I was interested in his girl friend, which wasn't really true. I liked one of her friends and was working on her. My friend knew this and told me on the side what the other had said. Well, that made me smile, because the guy stirring up all the trouble had told me earlier that he liked the girl the other was seeing and was calling her later. I kept quiet about the whole thing but just watched to see how this thing was going to play out. Later that night, I saw the sneaky guy get on the phone. Soon after he complained of a headache and said he needed to go home. Now back then, all of the bars had cover charges, so we had all paid to get in. It had been his turn to drive so the rest of us could get drunk without having to worry about DWIs, so we all had to leave when he was going so we could pick up our cars. I suspected what was going on, so I told my friend to hop in my car and that I would drive. Instead of going back to the bar though, I drove around the corner and parked the car so we could see my friend's street. Now just so you know, I am not naming names here for a reason. This all happened long ago, and I am sure the people involved can recognize themselves. I am not certain wives can, though, so I will keep all names out of it. When I stopped the car, my friend turned to me and said, "hey, what the fuck are you doing?" I said "dude, you know so and so has told you I am not really your friend and that I am after your girl." "I am going to show you that not only is that not true, but that he is really the one that you gotta watch out for." "I am cutting ties with him as of tonight. Sit here for twenty minutes or less and let's see what happens. If I am wrong, we'll go to the bar and I'll buy you a couple of rounds for your time. If I'm right, you'll see him for how he truly is." You see, this friend thought this other guy was always on his side, even though nothing could have been further from the truth. In fact, the other had been actively trying to get him out of the group behind his back for months. Well we waited five minutes and sure enough, the other guy's car went by the street and up to the other corner. My friend looked at me and said "okay, what's going on?" I said "If I am right, he is going to your girlfriend's. Well he looked at me in shock and couldn't believe me. I said "Watch." and pulled out to follow the other. When he got to the corner the other guy made a right hand turn and sped off. My friend gave a sigh of relief and said, "See he is going in the opposite direction." I said "The liquor store is in that direction. Let's just go and sit across from your girlfriend's apartment. We sat there for about five minutes before the other guy came walking up the street with a 12-pack in his hand. I will leave that story there. Needless to say, that was the last I spoke with that guy. As far as I know, that was the last that a number of people spoke with him. Many of us always felt that if you couldn't trust your girls around your friends, then they weren't really your friends. As far as I know, anyone who was there that night, never spoke with him again. So to tie it together, what positives came from this? Well, to start, the guy whose girlfriend cheated on him went on to meet another girl who then became his wife. Meanwhile, a negative force left my life and my friendships improved with all of the other people who used to hang out in that group. You see, this guy had multiple negative gossip going around about a number of people. Once that influence was no longer around, everyone got along better. Thus, negative situations CAN have positive outcomes. Just because you may not see them now, doesn't mean they are not there. Only time will tell! "Thus life and death, good and evil, the blessing and the curse, are set before us, that we may choose our way, and as our way so shall our end be." That, of course, is a quote from the bible. I like to look at the bible as both a history lesson and a road map for living. It's a history lesson to the extent that it tells us about life in ancient times. Unlike most history books though, it tells the story not from the victor's point of view (at least not all the time), but from the conquered's. Throughout history, the Jews have been both victor and conquered, and so have the Christians.
To me, it's the new testament that can be looked upon as the road map for living. The sayings of Jesus and the interpretations from the apostles really give you food for thought about how you want to live your life. When I started to write this post, I was thinking of the writings of Matthew. To be specific: "verily I say unto you, inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not unto me." I think of this quote from time to time, especially when I go to New York and see bums sleeping on the street. Everyone walks past them. On occasion someone stops and gives one or the other something to eat. I usually don't, so this isn't a I want to show off how moral I am story. Personally, I think this isn't what Jesus was talking about. I don't think that he wants any one person to go out to save the world. I do think he means to take care and treat kindly the people in your own community however. Closer to home, I do think he means to try and take care of each other. A kind word to a stranger in your own town. Helping a neighbor who is down on their luck...Even the way you interact with the people at your own place of worship. The reason I thought of this is because of a story I read on the internet the other day. A pastor was hired at a church where the congregation had never met him. With the permission of the church elders he wanted to walk among the flock before he was introduced to get to know them. On the Sunday he was to be introduced, he went to the church early. He didn't dress as a pastor, but instead wore shabby clothes and just introduced himself with his first name. He nodded and smiled to many people among the congregation and shook hands with others, saying a kind word here and there. Many people seemed put off by his appearance and spoke curtly with him. When he went to take a seat near the front of the church, ushers tried to steer him towards the back. When the church services began, the church elders stood and told the congregation that they wanted to introduce everyone to the new pastor. There was silence as the little man with the shabby clothes stood up and walked behind the lectern. (The church elders were in on the pastor's plan.) He looked out at the crowd, and his first words were: " verily I say unto you, inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not unto me." Whether or not this story is true, I think it shows that there is a vast difference between going to church and living one's faith. And I think we can all use a reminder about this every once and a while. God has given us a road map (the Bible). It is up to us to use it. There are many paths to both heaven and hell. The farther you stray from paths leading to one, is the same distance that you are straying towards the other. The Bible points out that none of us are perfect. That is true. That is why there are many paths towards grace. We must all do our best to stay on paths that lead towards salvation. One of the easiest paths to follow is to treat all members of the community with a modicum of respect. Remember, many of the apostles and the other followers of Jesus likely looked shabby. These were men and women who oftentimes gave away or left everything they had to follow Jesus. They likely weren't dressed in the finest clothing of the day, and personal hygiene likely wasn't high on their list of heavenly virtues. I try to treat everyone with a modicum of respect and meet them with a kind word. I only try to avoid people that I think could be dangerous, whether by chance or by choice. When I am in New York, I do not feel the need to save the world. In general, I do not feel the need to stop at every homeless person and give them food. I do feel the need to treat them with respect if they do come up to me and start speaking to me. That doesn't mean I feel the need to give them anything...It just means that I will not pretend that they did not speak with me. Instead, I will talk to them nicely and tell them no, nicely if they do ask for a handout. Closer to home, I try to help out where I can. There are many paths to heaven. No one can trod all of them. We can try to stay on the paths that can lead us there though. The Bible gives us a road map. Make sure to check it once in a while to see if whether the paths you are on lead in the right direction. "Don't complain about things you're not willing to change." This quote says a lot! So many people go through life complaining about things that they have total control over as if they have no choice in the matter. Here are a couple of examples:
"I hate my job!" Okay, so you hate your job...then change it! There are a lot of things you can do other than make yourself miserable every day by going where you don't want to go. When you point this out to people, they usually look at you and say "well, I have been there so long I won't get the same money elsewhere." This might be true if you stay in the same field. But nothing says you have to stay in the same field. If you hate what you are doing, just changing your location likely won't make you any happier. Get off your fat ass and go back to school, or a trade school and get new training...hopefully in a field where you can make more money. If you are not willing to take steps to make changes, then don't complain to me about it because, frankly, I have better things to do than listen to you complain! Another one I hear a lot is "I hate this area. I would move in a heart beat!" Oh yeah, then why don't you move? "Well, I wouldn't have a job." or "Well, my whole family lives around here." If that is the case, then why do you hate this area? And you're right, there are no $10 an hour jobs anywhere else in the United States...or the world for that matter, so you better stay here where you "hate" it. Others I hear include: "I have no friends." (then why are you talking to me), "I am in debt." (as they sit sipping a $5 drink from Starbucks), "No one understands me." (As they sit there sullenly). Ask any of these people "Why?" and they will tell you "I don't know." But really they do know. They don't want to tell you, but they do know what the basis of all of their troubles are. It is a great resistance to change. They want others to change for them. Amuse me! They don't want to take the steps necessary to change their own situations. Think people! If you have a problem, it CAN be solved. You just have to think about what the answer would be for you, and then take the steps to implement the changes. Some people feel overwhelmed because to get to the life they want, they would have to make tremendous changes. Well, nothing comes for free baby... and a journey of a thousand miles always starts with a single step! If you are one of those people who need lots of changes to live the life you want, then start today. Map out what you want, and then plan a number of little steps that will get you closer to your goal. Then each day, take one of those little steps. Your life can change for the better! You just need to know how you want to change it. Then set a plan...and finally, the most important part, takes steps to follow through on the plan! Complaining wastes your time and mine. Do something with your life. Start the changes today. If you are not willing to do that...Then at least shut up so that we all don't have to listen to how miserable you are. Oh my gosh... so many people need to read this and NEVER FORGET IT. I cannot tell you how many times I've had stupid arguments with my friends that have just gotten bigger and nastier because one of us refuses to apologize. I hate to be that person... but most of the time, it's my friends who refuse to apologize or just give in. In fact, I often try to apologize as soon as I see that it could permanently hinder our friendship... in fact, I apologize regardless! Often times, my friends will accept the apology and then we go back to being close... but a few times, I've been told to simply "f*ck off" among other things when I apologize.
Like dang! Relax! This quote really says it all- it IS the massive ego that makes it hard to admit that you're wrong. I think that's everyone's issue: they fight and fight and press their case, and then in the middle realize that they're actually quite wrong. This has happened to me a few times, and it sucks... but I admit my fault and apologize and move on. For most, this is impossible- they'd much rather whine and carry on childishly to "solve" their problem. No. This isn't mature... carrying on about pointless rubbish that could have easily been solved by toning down your massive frickin' ego is childish, immature, and stupid; to be honest. No one is going to criticise you for apologizing... it's doing the right thing. No one is going to disrespect you. So please... the next time you fight with a good friend, please think about your FRIENDSHIP and not your gigantic ego. Maddie |
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