"If you want a quality, act as if you already have it." That's a quote from William James. James was a philosopher and one of the leading thinkers of the nineteenth century... or so says Wikipedia. I really don't know much about the man. What I do know is that his quote makes a lot of sense.
Think about it. If you want to be honest, then you need to act honestly. When you are talking about your own perception of yourself, there is no lying. You are either honest, or you are not. If you want people to believe you are honest, then you need to be honest. If you want to be kind and considerate, then you need to visualize what it means to be kind and considerate, and then act the way you envision. Psychologists have tried this line of thinking at mental hospitals. Patients were told to imagine how they would act if they were sane. They were then told to act the way they envisioned. Unbelievably, many of the patients saw improved behavior! Although we like others to view us positively, the most important opinion belongs to you. If you want major changes in your life, then you need to convince yourself that you have made those changes. If you don't convince yourself, then the changes will never be complete. Step back for a moment, and look at whatever it is you want to achieve. For many, they want to achieve the love of a significant other... so I will use that as an example. If you are not where you want to be in a relationship, the first thing you need to do is step back and look at what would actually make you happy. Next, you need to see what obstacles stand in your way. Be honest. The easiest example I can give is myself. Currently, I am not really trying to find someone to date. And I am being very successful at it! If I was looking to date, however, what steps would I need to take to accomplish that goal. The easiest thing to do is to picture what success means to me, and then see what steps I would need to take to be successful at it. I would start by thinking what do women actually look for when they are looking for a boyfriend. A quick view of match or zoosk.com will give me lots of ideas. As I read through I see that women are looking for lots of different qualities. Those looking for tattoos and motorcycles I quickly strike off the list. There are some things that I just won't do. If that is what those women are looking for, then they are likely too superficial for me. Others are looking to laugh or for an honest man. A man with manners who isn't just looking for a one night stand. Those types of wants seem doable. In fact, I have many of those qualities. The question now becomes, how do I show people that I have those qualities? The easiest way to do it is to imagine a person that has those qualities. How would they act? What would they do? Once I figure out those things, then I start doing them myself. But there is more to it than that also. How would a person who has those qualities look? And how do I match up versus that? In general, I dress in jeans and a t-shirt all the time. I am usually barefoot, unless I am going out in public, and then I wear either work boots, sandals or cowboy boots. Usually, I shave my head, because I am too lazy to keep it styled and I wear a beard because I don't like to shave. Oh yeah, and I spend about 80% of my time at home since I home school my children and work from home. In general, I would likely need to shave, dress nicer and g out to where I could meet women if I actually wanted to find a date. I have little interest there, though, so good job for me! I am comfortably settled into the life I lead at the moment. At ny rate, the point I am trying to make is that major transformations are possible. You just need to decide what you are willing to do to get what you envision. My advice here, though, is to be careful what you wish for...you just might get it!
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