"Goodness is the only investment that never fails." That's a quote by Henry David Thoreau. I am always a little leery of a person that uses three names. It always rubs me the wrong way. I can't think of any reason why this would be. Other than John Wayne Gacy, I can't think of anyone in particular who was evil and used three names. Well, maybe Hillary Rodham Clinton might fit in that category too. At any rate, I don't really have anything bad to say about old Henry so I might as well get back to the quote.
I can see how it would be easy to think that being good would lead to good results, but this is not always the case. The problem is, that not everybody defines good in the same way. Also, sometimes good won't work... Take addiction, for instance. Addictions are very hard to beat, and although you may think you are doing good you could be doing the opposite without realizing it. My wife had addictive personality disorder. This was just a way of saying that she had many addictions going on simultaneously. While we were married, I only really knew of two of them... while some of the others were there, I just thought they were really odd behavior tied to the two or three things I knew about. The ones I knew about, I naturally tried to help her fight. I would sweep the house for bottles of booze, keep her away from social situations that would trigger bouts of drinking, and try not to say things that would trigger excessive dieting (she was an alcoholic and also fought anorexia). It ends up, the psychologists called me an enabler since I didn't kick her out of the house and tell her that her behavior was unacceptable. Well, for the last three years of her life, Sharon was not in our house. She lived on her own and she only had supervised visits with the children. Listening to the psychologists, you would think that Sharon would have gotten better. "She needed to hit bottom" a number of them said. One went so far as to say that she would not see Sharon anymore since she was not following her instructions. This little end came once Sharon fell off the wagon and had gotten drunk one night. Given Sharon's inability to stop drinking was the key reason we were seeing her, I found this social worker's reason for abandoning working with Sharon pathetic. The one positive thing I will say about working with that particular social worker was, she was the only one to ever diagnose Sharon accurately in my opinion. She is the one that diagnosed her with addictive personality disorder. Up until that point, we thought we were only fighting alcoholism and anorexia/binge eating. So what was really good and what was bad? In this instance I don't really know. I divorced Sharon to protect the girls, since her behavior was getting too erratic and really was dangerous for the baby. The psychologists said I needed to show her there was repercussions for her drinking. Three years after we first separated, Sharon drank herself to death. In those three years she was on her own, she never hit a bottom that couldn't fall deeper. After living through it all, I can say that Sharon needed more help than I could give her... or anyone for that matter. The doctors could not help her, I could not help her, the in-patient and out-patient programs could not help her. She needed to help herself. I feel bad that the last three years of her life was spent without me and her daughters by her side throughout it. To this day, my heart is with Sharon. She was my wife and I loved her deeply. She could not be around our children regularly, because of her drinking... And that hurt her tremendously. It hurt me too, and the girls. Ashleigh was never raised by Sharon. I brought her home from the hospital when she was four days old, and I raised her on my own. Ashleigh still remembers her Mom, but more as a friend who played with her. She was three when Sharon died. Maddie was eleven. The anniversary of Sharon's death comes up in four days. This time always makes me look back and think could I have done anything different that would have helped Sharon. My answer is no. I loved her with all of my heart. I tried to do what I thought was best. Later, I tried to do what the doctors said, even though I did not think it was best. Sometimes, the good can be the bad and the ugly as well. In the end, do what you believe is good, but like anything else, know that sometimes being good isn't going to be enough.
1 Comment
Jimenez
1/17/2021 05:54:32 am
Thank you for sharing this part of your life with others. Like myself and many many countless others; who believe that they are doing the right thing in a bad situation may one day discover that:
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