I feel, sometimes, like I am extremely powerless in the huge world around me. In fact, I know I am... But often times I get ahead of myself and feel like I have more power than I do in reality. Sometimes it takes a smack in the face to wake me up to the fact that I'm actually quite powerless to everyone but myself- regardless of what I think.
The other day, one of my best friends was extremely depressed. I talked to her, and tried to help her through it. With her, this usually works... But it didn't seem to be helping today. This woke me up to the fact that I can't ALWAYS help. I can't ALWAYS make things better... And sometimes trying can make things worse. While I gave up on trying to help her, I didn't abandon her- I let her rant to me and talk everything through. In the end, I think that's what everyone needs. Someone they can talk to, relate to, understand and listen to as well. An equal exchange friendship. One where one is never more than the other; where both can be relaxed and calm and vent if need be and talk things through. I know that when I get depressed, I usually want to talk to someone... But most don't understand, so I don't bother. Some like to believe that because they are older, they have power over others. While this might hold true throughout childhood; it doesn't in the real world. Sometimes I question why parents feel the need to control children and their dreams, and not just guide them and help them through life. I have a friend who's parents are near forcing her into the military... Even though she doesn't want to join. She doesn't plan on joining, but the pressure and lack of support of her dreams from her parents makes things quite hard. At 18, she'll be able to make her own decision... But until then she is facing a military life. In the real world, you have to make your own choices and rely on yourself. You don't have people telling you what to do and how to do it (set aside a job). You have to go based on what you've been taught. I think that parents should guide and teach their children... Not control them, squash their dreams and hold them back. That's not parenting... Not at all. In the end, we are all powerless to everyone but ourselves. We can't force people to change, or to be something they are not... Unless they are open to change. ~Maddie
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"You're searching...For things that don't exist; I mean beginnings. Ends and Beginnings - there are no such things. There are only middles." That's a quote from one of my favorite poets. I am not going to tell you who it is. Look up the quote and learn something.
I seriously doubt that anyone will look it up. Maddie already knows who my favorite poet is, and the rest of you likely don't care. If you are of a mind to look it up, I'll give you fair warning, though. It is from a long poem...about 225 lines. And it is the best line in the poem. My next favorite line from the poem is: "New is a word for fools in towns who think style upon style in dress and thought at last must get somewhere." While it is not this poet's best poem, it sets a mood...an almost somber tone that stays with you long after you read the poem. And isn't that what a good poet does? Makes you think about what they are truly trying to say? To me, that is the bad thing about quotes. They can be taken out of context when they are read alone. While the poem has a "new" beginning in it and an end, the entire poem, in a rambling way is more about love and sacrifice, and changes intermingled with the familiar. In fact, there is so much going on in this poem...not in what is being said (which more often than not is quite mundane), but in what is not being said. The poet has used the mundane to express the feelings that are just under the surface...the things that are not being said. And THAT is what makes this poem beautiful to me. It is often THAT, which is unsaid, that makes up the story of one's life. The beauty of those unsaid moments would be marred if expressed as words. Have you ever asked someone who is truly smitten what it is that they see in the other person? If you have, you'll recognize that the reply likely didn't make any sense to you. And so that is the way of love. No one will ever truly recognize why you love someone. It is a feeling that can't really be put into words. Oftentimes, to put it into words makes it sound more base than it really is. You get the story or description from the middle...and never really get it from the beginning or to the end. When one lover dies, the other truly is left in the middle. For while the love surely had a beginning, no one can truly pinpoint when that moment was. At the same time, the love you feel for the deceased goes on well after their death...so you are left in the middle. And any new beginning will still be in the middle of those things left unsaid with the other. Ironically enough, the quote above was from Helen Keller! For those of you who don't know who Helen Keller is... go read a book, honestly. She was born deaf and blind from birth and learned to adapt with the senses she was left with. That's besides the point; however. I think what Keller was getting at is that if you never turn towards negativity, you won't see it... and if you focus on positivity, you won't see the negative as much.
Naturally, there won't ALWAYS be 100% positivity in life- but there is ALWAYS positive in even what seems like the most negative things. I've explained in previous posts how I managed to see a brighter side to my mom's death, and other darker situations. All you have to do is look for SOMETHING to be happy about... and I know it will be hard, especially if you try noticing little bits of happiness first in a sad situation.... but in the end, it is so much better to be happy. Find your sunshine- even if it's just a small ray poking through a batch of dark clouds- and face it. Chase it, follow it, and make it yours. Because if you turn around... the shadows will pull you in, and it'll be that much harder to escape back into the light. ~Maddie "Why does it take a minute to say hello and forever to say goodbye." This is clearly a question for the ages. Why is it that some people never leave your heart? Why is it that you can feel lonely in a room full of people, simply due to the absence of a specific person? How many times does a conversation, or a touch, or a look have to play over in your mind before it is finally enough?
What is it about memories that can make them a comfort at one moment and a torture at the next? I seem to have a lot of questions this morning, but a gray day can do that to you. Outside my window is a dichotomy of green and gray. The perfect colors to match my mood today. I feel lonely, yet I know that anyone I meet will not remove the emptiness that I feel at this moment. The gray symbolizes the quagmire that I seem to be swimming through sometimes. Meanwhile, the green looks like the horizon I am swimming towards. There's life there and treasures to find, if I can only reach it. We all have our own paths to follow in life. Sometimes, the paths lead into a swamp. The trick is, not to get stuck there. Slog through it and look forwards to the next landscape in your life. Remember, life is an adventure, and there are no goodbyes. Everyone that you meet and care to see again, you will... at the end of your journey. The more people you allow into your life, the grander the party in the next life. Outside my window, the sky is beginning to brighten. And I realize that a goodbye doesn't have to be an end...just an interlude. In the meantime, there are plenty more hellos left to say. You just need to put yourself in a position to say them. In the future, try to keep your goodbyes short and let your hellos linger. You'll get more out of life letting new people in, rather than fretting over past goodbyes. Today I read the book Biscuit Wants To Play. Biscuit found a basket holding Daisy and
her kittens. Biscuit wanted to play with the kittens,but the kittens did not want to play with Biscuit. They played with leaves and crickets and butterflies and soon got stuck in a tree. Biscuit saved them, and then they played with Biscuit. Ashleigh "Change your thoughts, and you change your world." Norman Vincent Peale penned that little gem. If you have never read his stuff, you should. He is the author of "The Power Of Positive Thinking". Many psychologists thought that his book was more self-hypnosis than a ground-breaking work in psychology, but Peale never said he was trained as a psychologist. Anyway, the book is a lot of little anecdotal stories about how prayer and a change in thinking helped many of the people he met over the years. I thought it was well worth the time it took me to read and I kind of enjoyed it for what it was worth. Still, the man doesn't have to be a psychologist to have a good quote, and that is what we have here.
I am a firm believer in the above quote because I see the results of changing my thoughts all of the time. When I am having a bad day, I try not to dwell on it. Instead, I try to change my thinking and my actions so that the day will be less bad. Sometimes, this entails me pushing myself in a hard workout. When I am working out, I find I often forget my troubles for a while...which is a good thing! When I get back, I often have a different perspective. I am not as up tight about whatever was bothering me. Other ways in which changing my thoughts help me is when I face a big project. Instead of looking at the thing in its entirety, I like to look at it in smaller pieces. This way, it doesn't look so daunting. Breaking it into smaller pieces never makes me do less work. What it does is give me a lot of points where I can feel a sense of accomplishment. To close, there is no magic people...just perceptions. Change your thoughts (ie perceptions) and you really will change your world! I am not quite certain WHO wrote this great quote- I found it in an online discussion forum while doing my daily surf of the internet today. I think it's perfect for both my Dad and I; as we are both on a constant 'pursuit for happiness', as we like to call it. We always look for ways to be happy and try to find the positive in everything, even the small little positives that often come with the negativity in life.
Now, I've touched upon the topic of joy in a previous blog post; saying that maybe life ISN'T about being happy and finding happiness... because constant happiness would be impossible to attain. There will always be some form of sadness in your life; and staying positive through hard times and not getting down ONCE is truly and impossible feat. However, I believe that happiness is made up of the small joyous moments you can find dotted constantly throughout life. It may not be constant HAPPINESS, but there can be a bit of joy in each day- kinda of like how you need rain to be able to see a rainbow. In the end, I think it comes down to your level of appreciation of what you have. Joy comes from appreciation- appreciation of the tiny things in life that most brush off as irrelevant or insignificant. So: If joy creates happiness, and appreciation creates joy... I believe one of the greatest lessons you can learn in life would be to appreciate everything you have. It may not seem like much to you, but I can tell you that somewhere in the world, there is someone else wishing they had what you had. I am thankful for my supportive family, caring friends, and- as the quote said- that I am healthy and still alive. Be Thankful. ~Maddie I love Nema. I call her different names sometimes. I have called her Rainbow, my Star,
and my rainbow Unicorn to name a few. Sometime I even call her Grandma! She is my star! Ashleigh Today I read Biscuit Finds A Friend. The story is about Biscuit and the little girl find a
baby duck. They bring it to a pond, where it finds its mom and dad. Biscuit then falls in the pond and gets wet. The little girl then brings him home as the duck quacks good bye. Ashleigh "The more we value things, the less we value ourselves." This is a quote from Bruce Lee, one of the greatest martial artists of modern time (well, at least one of the better known ones anyway). Bruce was a man wise beyond his years (he died at age 33). Is the above quote true? I don't know. What I do know is that many people search for happiness through their possessions. I have found over the years that actually having an item doesn't usually bring me happiness. Instead, the quest for the item usually brought me more joy.
To this day, I still enjoy a good treasure hunt. On occasion, I'll bring my daughters out to garage sales, flea markets or antique stores. I usually don't have anything specific in mind when we go... I just like to look at old things and see if anything sparks my interest enough to buy it. When I was younger, my wife and I would always go on antique trips to visit out of the way antique stores in Pennsylvania and rural New Jersey. The trips were fun for us and we were looking to buy furniture to furnish our home in an authentic Victorian style. While we bought the occasional nice piece, we spent more time looking rather than buying. It's just what we liked to do to kill some time. I have many fond memories of our trips. So what happened to the antiques we actually bought? I still have them. They are peppered around my house. For the most part, though, I barely look at them, let alone use them. You see, the happiness came from looking for them, not in their purchase. Most of my friends have no appreciation for antiques. Thus, I rarely point out any of the pieces to them. They wouldn't care, and pointing them out would give me no pleasure. The hunt, though, I still look back on fondly. Over the past year, Maddie and I have been selling off many of Sharon's things at a local flea market. Most of the items hold no memories for either of us. She had so many clothes, that many of them still had price tags on them. She had never worn them. We have likely sold about 120 pairs of shoes already. Most at $2 to $5 a pair. Most of them, we don't ever remember seeing her wear. My wife sought happiness in possessions. It was part of her disorder. In the end, none of them brought her happiness. Her children brought her happiness. I (I think) brought her happiness. Yet she couldn't see past that. She was driven to purchase things...looking for that elusive happiness. In the end, Sharon had very low self esteem. She was overly critical of herself and she drank herself to death. Did she value things more than she valued herself? Sadly, I think there was a part of her that did. My wife had (has) a beautiful soul. She couldn't see it, though, and it tormented her. Do I value things? Not any more. I value memories. Seeing my daughters smile. Listening to them laugh. Seeing their faces light up as they see or learn something new. This is what I value. Things? I drive a 1997 Blazer and my plow truck is from 1992. I wear jeans and a T-shirt nearly every day and most times I walk around barefoot. I do have shoes (4 pairs actually, Cowboy boots for when I need to wear a suit, work boots for winter, an old pair of sneakers and a pair of sandals). From April to October I wear the sandals if I am leaving the house. Otherwise, I prefer to be barefoot. Instead of worrying about all that shit, I value memories. Memories that I build today with my daughters and the people around me so that I and they can look back on them fondly tomorrow. I know for a fact that I can't bring physical things with me when I die. I don't know if I can bring my memories. I pray that I can bring my memories... or at least that my daughters will remember some of them at least and smile long after I have left this world.
I like to eat blackberries. I pick blackberries nearly every day when they are in season.
I think they are very tasty with Sweet and Low. I like them with my breakfast and lunch. Ashleigh "The body achieves what the mind believes." is a bastardized quote from Napoleon Hill. If you don't know him, you should. Napoleon was the author of Think And Grow Rich, one of the best-selling self-help books of all time. In a nutshell, Hill believed in the Golden rule...treat others as you yourself want to be treated. He also believed in a philosophy of achievement. The above quote falls into that belief.
Although it is a short quote, there is a lot of truth in it. If you truly believe that you can achieve something, you will find a way to do it. Be careful, though, this works with both positive and negative thoughts. My wife always said she would be dead by the time she was thirty eight. Six days after her thirty-eighth birthday, she was dead. On a positive note, no matter how bad things got, I always felt I would pull out of my troubles before going bankrupt and return to making good cash. I have to admit, I came really close to going belly up. Every time that I thought I was going under though, something would come along to keep me going. An unexpected windfall, a new client, a job offer. If you want something in your life, believe that you are going to get it. Then make a plan on how you are going to get it. Finally, follow your plan! Take small steps each day to further yourself along the path to your goal. The more you believe, and the more action you take, the quicker you will achieve it. Remember, nothing comes for free. Believe it, plan for it and then work towards it. You will achieve it! Remember, this works for things that impact you only. You can't say I am going to marry that woman (who also happens to be happily married), and actually expect to achieve it. The other person also has free will and their plans and actions would have to be in line with yours to achieve that one. Aside from that, pick realistic goals, and then take the steps to achieve them. I know I must sound like a broken record, but this is one of the most important lessons you can learn. Have a firm belief in yourself and your actions and you will succeed at whatever you put your mind to. I love this quote. It's so simple, and so true. In life, we all have our regrets. But some of the biggest for me, already, are the things I didn't do because I either talked myself out of it or was too afraid to do. I doubt myself far too often, and about the stupidest things, too. For example, last night I was hanging out with my friends at a drive in movie theater. It was a movie marathon, and between movies there was about a 20 minute intermission. During this intermission, we'd go get food and sit underneath the screen and tell horror stories and practice flips.
That aside, we decided to try doing rolls and stuff and since I take karate, my friends wanted to know if I could do a front roll from standing. I knew I could, but I was extremely afraid of doing it and almost talked myself completely out of it. I have a really bad fear of falling and injuring myself, and so every time I went to do the flip, I'd stop short and awkwardly stumble forward. However, I wanted to show them that I COULD do it, so I sucked it up and made myself do it. Now, if I hadn't done it, would I have majorly regretted it? Probably not. But it just serves as a good example of how easily I doubt myself. While this was a minor example of doubting and possible regret, there are many other things that are larger to regret. For example, I'm sure my dad would have regretted not grabbing my mom's hand on the beach many years ago... it was that action that led to the start of their relationship. Naturally if he hadn't, and they never even dated... he wouldn't regret not doing it. But if he had and then looked back and realize the impact it had, he would regret not doing it. Anyway. I'm going to go play GTA V with my friends for a bit... good night internet. ~Maddie Hmmm, since Maddie has decided to list twenty things that annoy her, I thought I would do the same thing. Most things that bother me either have to do with behavior...usually other people's. Some of these will require an explanation, but others I think will stand on their own since they will likely be universally annoying. Here we go!
1. People who pull out in front of you on the road, and then go slow when there is no one else on the road either behind you or in front of you. I am not talking about the people who do this while you are still half a mile away... I am talking about the people who pull out in front of you with about 50 feet to spare and you then have to hit your brakes hard so that you won't rear end them. 2. People who drive below the speed limit in the fast lane. Also the people who just get on the highway from an exit and automatically feel they have to jump into the fast lane, even though they are not up to speed yet. 3. People who are perpetually late. These people drive me up the wall. You see them goofing off all day, and yet they still get their assignments in late. They don't care if their lateness inconveniences others or not...It's all about them. Equally annoying are the people who show up late for classes or meetings. Get there on time. Show some respect! Sure, there are times when we are all running a little late, but those times should be few and far between. 4. People who do the bare minimum to just get by. These people will stop their papers in mid thought. It doesn't matter to them if they covered the subject properly or not. "He said one page or more, well, I've hit one page so I am done. This is really annoying. Finish your thoughts and make your paper cohesive. Otherwise you are just handing in junk. 5. When you go to a restaurant, order a meal, and when it comes it is cold in the center. This happened to me at an Olive Garden, and I have yet to go back to that chain. When you are paying top dollar, they should not be serving you reheated food. Its one thing if I am eating leftovers at home. It is an entirely different thing if I am looking forward to a good meal at a restaurant. Particularly if I am ordering something that I normally don't make for myself at home. Something like lasagna (I am still mad at you for that one Olive Garden!). 6. People who do not listen to directions. 7. Know it alls who are too stupid to even know what they do not know. 8. People who think drinking is fun or cool, or who think what they do when they are drunk is funny. 9. People who are overly sensitive or politically correct. 10. Traffic. 11. People who allow their emotions to drive all of their actions, rather than reason and logic. 12. People who respond to everything on Facebook as if it is serious. 13. Liars and cheats. 14. People who take a class and then do not work to get better at what they are taught. Lazy workout partners fall in this category as well! 15. People who cannot hold the bags up properly for the types of strikes you are trying to practice. 16. Donut shops that do not make their own donuts in shop, then run out of donuts and blame it on not ordering enough. VERY frustrating (Dunkin Donuts!). 17. People who would rather spend time with their phones than with you. Also people who use their phones in restaurants or at the table during dinner time. 18. People who constantly wear earphones so that it is hard to talk to them. 19. People who don't say please and thank you. This is common courtesy people. Nothing more, nothing less. On the flip side, are people who are told to do something, say they will, and then don't do it! 20. Procrastination! My own mostly. I hate when I know I have something to do, but then take forever to do it. It is one of my bad habits, although oftentimes it is caused by having too many things to do at once. I then find I move from one project to another doing a little of this and then a little of that and not getting any of them totally done. My wife's book, the garden rocks for in front of my house, the rock wall in front of my house and my sloppy desk and office are all victims of my procrastination! Bonus nuisance! People who don't think. There are too many people who go through life and never think deeply about what they are doing. This saddens me more than annoys me, but it bothers me when they cry about it on Facebook or in person. Life can be beautiful, if you allow it to be. Take the steps you need to take to change your life for the better now. It all starts with thinking! There you have it. Twenty things that annoy me. None of these make me rave like a madman...but they are all nuisances none the less. Thanks Maddie for an easy idea for a post! In the past, I've done lists of things that make me happy- and today, I'd like to turn the tables and list things that annoy me.
Here we go!
This was shockingly harder than I thought! I always think that a lot of things annoy me but... in reality, not much does! I'm a pretty tolerant person; I guess... that list took a lot of thinking to create. And most of the things listed are really stupid! Huh. I advise trying this... Not only will it give you things to work on (making them not annoying and becoming more tolerable); but it may also show you how idiotic some of the things you let bother you are. ~Maddie Today I read Biscuit's Picnic. The story was abut a picnic and Biscuit's troubles. First he
and Puddles steal sandwiches. Next, they chase a cat and Biscuit falls into a cake. Finally, the children invite them to join them on their picnic. Ashleigh Today I finished reading Goose and Duck. It is about a boy, who finds a goose, who finds a
duck. The goose thinks the boy is his mommy and the duck thinks the goose is its mom.I n the end the goose sees a flock of geese and flies away.The duck sees a flock of ducks the next day and flies away too. Ashleigh Freedom
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do. I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do. The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion. Freedom means you are unobstructed in living your life as you choose. Anything less is a form of slavery... For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others. Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same. Responsibility is the price of freedom. Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought. When we lose the right to be different, we lose the privilege to be free. ~Maddie "Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please." That little gem is from Mark Twain. And, of course, he was right. Everyone distorts what they know whether they mean to or not. It starts with what you constitute as a fact... and where you find your facts. Sometimes a fact isn't a fact at all, but just another person's opinion. This is particularly true when it comes to politics. A good example is the press treatment given to Donald Trump and that given to Hillary Clinton. Read through press reports on each of these candidates. Below are lists of words used in articles to describe both of them:
Sorry for the short list for Clinton. In general, I went to one article for each candidate on Yahoo and I took the descriptive term used in each article to describe the candidates. Not once was Trump called a "Republican presidential candidate" or a "presidential hopeful". Meanwhile, the article on Clinton never mentioned Benghazi or the growing email scandal where there is evidence that she sent classified information out through personal emails. If true, that would make her a felon. Yet "potential felon" was never used to describe her. Say what you will about Trump, but no one considers him a felon.
All of this goes to show that media bias goes a long way towards what people now seem to consider facts. Hitler once said that if you tell a big enough lie, and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed." That concept seems to be alive and well in our media. Propaganda has always been used to sway the thoughts of the masses. The sad part is that the sheeple never seem to see through the ruse. Millions have died due to propaganda during war time. Isn't it sad that people never seem to learn? In the end, You need to read more than one article to actually have facts. Remember, history is written by the victor. If everything you read is written by the victor, then you will likely have a very distorted view of the past. Read what's available, and then make a decision by yourself. |
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