I like surprises! My sister made me a surprise. Do you know what it is? She made us ice-pops. They are so pretty, I hate to eat them. But I will after lunch for desert.
Ashleigh
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I like playing with my purple ball. My purple ball is purple of course! That is why it is called "The purple ball''. I bounce it, kick it, and roll it. I sit on it, and I some times put my foot on it. Daddy and I play with it a lot. We roll it to each other, and try to score goals against each other. I like playing with Daddy.
Ashleigh Today's post isn't going to be too much, I'll just say that before you begin. If short things to think about throughout the day isn't your idea of something worth reading then #1, I'm so sorry for you and #2, you should probably stop reading now.
In any case, today I was thinking about life. Life and how fast it can change; and how quickly everyone grows up. Lately, most of my friends have been getting their licenses, beginning to work at their first jobs, getting into more serious relationships- that sort of thing, the thing that comes with age. And honestly, watching all this happen around me... it's crazy. My best friend who I've known for roughly 8 years will be 17 next year. I still remember when we were dumb little kids. It completely messes with me... particularly since I feel younger than everyone around me. All of that, however, is besides the point; the point of this post, at least. Today, I was talking to my sister and she said that we constantly eat and drink the same things- and that got me thinking. What else do we do the same? Upon closer examination of how my family lives their lives, I was a little bit shocked to realize that all of us live in... a cycle. A never-ending regimented schedule, of sorts. We get up, we eat breakfast, we work, we eat again, we sometimes go to karate... it never changes. Without fail I can wake up every day and know what to expect and it saddens me a little. I feel as though simply because people hit a certain age, they feel like they aren't allowed to have fun anymore... and my dad is a living contradiction of that statement. So many of my friends are astonished when I tell them how close I am to my dad. At 50 years old, he: - watches anime with me - plays Call of Duty with me - takes interest in computer games both my sister and I play - goes to concerts with me - takes both my sister and I to movies on a regular basis - has the same taste in music as me - hikes with me and my sister - takes karate and even teaches classes alongside me and Ashleigh And honestly, so much more that you won't find most people his age doing. He does all of that while balancing working from home AND keeping up with this blog. It's pretty damn awesome. Congrats, Dad- you've successfully balances adulting and having a good time. My open advice to anyone older than 18 who thinks life now only means you can work- it's bullshit. Literally, if you plan your time right, you can do whatever. Make time to have fun. Life will only pass you by once, so why not live it while you can? I'll end this post with my favorite quote, even though I've used it before: "We are here to live our lives so well that Death trembles to take us." Today marked the 3rd anniversary of my mother's death.
3 years ago today, I lost someone who I loved very much. I lost the person who taught me my most basic human skills. The person who taught me to read, write, and do basic arithmetic. The person who inspired my love of poetry. I lost someone who inspired me to always be gracious and accepting of others. I lost not only my mother, but someone who I could confide in. Someone who loved me unconditionally. Someone who I loved equally as much. Mom, I am so sorry for the resentment I held in for those last remaining years... I didn't understand why you'd "choose" to put everyone through so much pain; I didn't understand that you didn't really have that choice, and I know that if you did... if you had more control... things wouldn't have ended as they did. Addiction is a scary thing. It changes the people you love the most into monsters. It warps their mind and takes away any of their confidence to get better. It drains them of their ability and will to live. And it's sad. Because some of the nicest and most caring people you will ever meet are lost to it. I watched what alcohol did to my mom and it scares me shitless. I never want to go near the stuff. My mom, for the very many of you who never knew her, was a very sweet, generous, and compassionate person outside of her addiction. She was a beautiful soul fighting some very powerful demons, and unfortunately, she lost her fight. I loved my mom very much, despite some of my pent up anger in her last years. I misunderstood everything and I took time for granted... and there is nothing I regret more. I say that I live without regrets; but every time this part of the year rolls around... I am smacked in the face with the truth and the truth is that that previous statement is a lie. I DO regret. I regret not cherishing the time I did have with my mother more. And I deeply regret not getting to know her any better. All I am left with now is shattered memories and her poetry... and now that I'm older; as I read her poetry I can see how hurt she had been. I really think that we could've been close... even based on that alone. It's sad though, that I am forced to know her only through that and through memories that are now fading. Moreover, I feel worse for my sister. My sister has barely any memory of our mom. She remembers her only as a playmate... and even now, those memories are starting to fade away. I fear that she may entirely forget Mom one day, and give me only one more thing to feel bad about. As narcissistic as that sounds; it's the truth. I'll only feel worse if my sister ceases to acknowledge my mother's existence. I don't know. This is what's on my mind right now. I'll leave this here. RIP, Mom. -maddie Rest in peace Babe. No words for this post. There is nothing left to say. Addiction is a horrible thing. If you have a problem with alcohol,seek help. Here are some links to get you started: In England: www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/ In New Hampshire: nhaa.net/find-a-meeting/ In New Jersey: http://centraljerseyintergroup.org/ Rest in peace, Sharon.
I like going for ice-cream. Grandmother's favorite ice-cream is Vanilla ice-cream. Daddy likes Vanilla too! My sister Maddie likes to try different kinds of ice-cream. And I like strawberry. We go to Tyler's ice-cream by car. We usually sit in the car to eat our ice-cream.
Ashleigh |
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