Today we have a guest post from Mountain Rants reader, Ginger, who has responded to Maddie's Letter Challenge. Originally written in the comments section, we have moved it to a guest post because it is a beautiful letter and should be enjoyed by all. A copy of this has also been placed in the "The Letters" section of our blog. Enjoy!
Thanks Ginger! The Mountain Rants Editors ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Your letter inspired me to write my own. Here goes...3 Dear Dreams, Hear me out. I know this may seem a bit long winded and it's stuff you already know, but it wasn't so long ago that I finally figured you out. Dreams, you are like the gilt edged ribbons on the presents we get. The gauzy ones with the edge of gold that make the bow stand up and dazzle—like it’s saying, “Look at what I might be.” In much the same way, Dreams, you are the harbinger of “what might be” in my life. I confess; I am a dreamer—never to be confused with a daydreamer. Daydreaming is the fluff on the periphery of my mind. You, Dreams, start in the center of my brain and lodge in my soul. On the one hand, daydreaming is like a sailboat without a rudder, a vessel aimlessly carried by the wind. You, Dreams, on the other hand, have been greatly responsible for plotting the course of my life. My crazy faith in you, Dreams, is not unfounded. You are the stuff, not fluff, of my reality. As a kid, I dreamed of horses. My earliest recollection is of me at four, the youngest of three children, with a widowed mother and a father I don't remember, riding a radiator in a second floor apartment. Dreams, you were my rudder or, more aptly, my reins, and at seventeen “city kid me” with my newbie driving license bought a horse and drove fifty miles at night to care for it. Thanks to you, Dreams, my passion became a reality. Two more horses to follow, and it has both literally and figuratively been a great ride. Now I'll fill you in on the stuff you'd have no way of knowing. Only recently I've realized not to become complacent about “dreams realized.” Passions realized are not endings but rather the impetus to invite you to coffee, a walk in the woods, or out in a boat on the ocean. When one dream becomes a reality, it's time to start dreaming again. I had a dream of catching a big fish and landed a thirty-five pound striped bass which led to a seventy pound marlin. And because you are such a task master, Dreams, I've started strength training so I can land a tuna. I totally understand; dreams without work are merely daydreams. Yup, you're like the gilt edged ribbon on the present. Sometimes what's under the lid is a disappointment, but, more often than not, it's more than I ever could've dreamed of. Thank you from the depths of my soul, Ginger
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"The tragedy of life is not death, but what we let die inside of us while we live." That's a quote by Norman Cousins.Cousins was a famous journalist and newspaper editor for more than three decades. You may know one of his more famous quotes: "Life is an adventure in forgiveness.
To tell you the truth, I could have easily written about either of these quotes. I'll stick with the first one, though. It is easy to understand. Death itself is not a tragedy. It is a part of life. In fact, death really isn't anything for the people it is happening to.. they are dead. The tragedy is usually for the people left living. My wife, for example, was a tragedy for me and my daughters. For her, it was just the end of her life. A tragic end of her life for us, but just a lack of existence for her. I can't say this for my daughters, but I know it holds true for me. A part of me died on the night that Sharon passed away. I held her for six hours while her life slowly ebbed away. Many thoughts went through my head that night. Thoughts I knew I would no longer be able to share with her. Her smile, her laugh, other things she did that I just took for granted. They would be there tomorrow. Until they weren't. I thought about those things... and others while I listened to the death rattle in her breathing. I thought of my daughters and how they would never learn things from her that were usually a right of passage for girls to learn from their mothers. How they wouldn't have an understanding female ear there to listen to their hopes and dreams as they grew, or to give them other types of womanly advice. I thought of plans Sharon and I had that were now never going to come to fruition. So yes, these things died within me on that night. But at the same time other things were born within me to take the place of those dying dreams. I redoubled my effort to make sure my girls always had someone to talk to... even though I was a man. I changed the path of my life to make sure I could remain at home to home school them and make sure they got the type of education that I wished I had gotten when I was younger. Like a Phoenix, new dreams sprang forth from the ashes of the old to replace the ones that die. So I guess in looking at the quote, he is right that some things will die inside us. But I think the real tragedy would be in not replacing those things that died with new dreams. Everyone dies. And we all at one point or another have some of our dreams shattered. The real tragedy would be in not replacing those dreams with something else you can live with. Well, it had to happen. I finally found a Marcus Aurelius quote that I disagree with. The quote in question is: “Whatever happens to you has been waiting to happen since the beginning of time. The twining strands of fate wove both of them together: your own existence and the things that happen to you.”
I disagree with this quote wholeheartedly! The quote seems to be saying that things are predestined to happen and that you have no control over anything in your life. Not only do I find this quote incorrect, but I also find it at odds with nearly everything I have read by Marcus Aurelius. Usually, Aurelius writes about doing your best and changing your thoughts and actions to change your world. This quote says nearly the exact opposite. If everything was predestined, then why do anything? Why bother to worry about whether what you are doing is right or wrong, since in the end it doesn't really matter. What a crock of bull! I believe everything we do matters. That is why I find it important to do my best, no matter what I am doing. If everyone acted as if what they did didn't matter, then nothing would be done properly... it's destined to be a certain way, so if I do a poor job, then I guess it was just destined that I do a poor job. What rubbish! The only things that are destined to happen are the negative consequences that will occur if you don't do things properly. "For every time there is a season." Think about what you want to happen, and then create it. The only destiny that you have is the one you create yourself. Sure accidents can happen that will change the path that you are on. But these are truly far and few between. Everyone's days have there ups and downs. Most times, you can smooth over the little bumps in the road and still attain what you are striving for. Don't give up... and don't give in to poor thinking. You can achieve what you want to achieve! Nothing is predestined. Do your best, and make your own destiny! While I've seen my dad write about this topic matter before; I've never seen it quite put this way! This quote comes from Brian Hugh Warner, better known by his stage name Marilyn Manson. It's absolutely true, too- if all our wishes could come true, most of our dreams would disappear and we'd be forced to try to find new ones. But... they would be granted and disappear too; and is life really worth living if you have no goals and everything just gets handed to you?
I know that (at least personally), I hate actually reaching my goals. The euphoria of achievement only lasts for a short while, and then everything calms and goes back to normal; if not even more dull than before I achieved the goal. I completely agree with my dad on this topic- that the trip you go on to reach your goal is the most important part of having goals. Goals motivate us to do better in life; to go farther and to LIVE. Without goals... what would we do? If all our wishes became true; we would all be rich and lazy. We would have no motivation to live because there would be no loss, disappointment, change, or ANYTHING! There'd be nothing left to try for, and we would all give up. So I believe Manson had a very good quote; and made a point that most would fail to think about before uttering the words "I wish". I'm sure that 1 or 2 wishes would be fine- maybe for the first day or so; the wish granting would be fun! But soon it would just become common and boring; and no one would want to do anything anymore. How awful would it be to have nothing to do? Nothing to think about or try for? NOTHING TO WORK TOWARDS? I think this is the reason some people get unhappy. They either don't set goals, or they set unrealistic goals and give up after a day when things don't move as fast as they hoped. Sit back and enjoy the ride that is life; and don't forget to hit the gas and take a few chances. Don't let your dreams disappear. - Maddie Alice: "What road do I take?"
Cheshire Cat: "Where do you want to go?" Alice: "I don't much care where." Cheshire Cat" "Then it doesn't matter which way you go." I am of course paraphrasing a paragraph from Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland. It is a wonderful book that is silly, yet at the same time teaches life lessons. I had Maddie read it when she was younger. I was going to have her read it again and compare and contrast her thoughts on the story. But, alas, Maddie has started taking her high school classes through VLACs now, so I have less control about what she studies and writes about. While I believe I did a good job teaching my daughter (they jumped her up a grade when she joined the program. She was in 8th grade, but they allowed her to take classes as a freshman in high school), her new program allows her to take college courses that will count as both high school and college credits. If all goes well, when she graduates high school, she will also receive an associates degree. I looked in to the program, and nearly 100 colleges across New England will accept the credits from her associates degree towards their 4-year degree program. As Maddie gets older, she is quickly reaching an age here she will have to start making decisions that can have an impact on her happiness both in the present and in the future. To do that, properly, she will need to know where she wants to go in life. Happiness is not a physical location. It is a set of choices you make. It is a goal. If you do not know what makes you happy, you will have a harder time achieving it since you will not know what path to follow to achieve happiness. When I was younger, I thought that partying and girls were my path to near-term happiness. At the same time, I was looking towards my future, and I thought that having a career where I made a lot of money would ensure my happiness when I got older. I chose finance, since I believed you could make a good living working within that industry, and because I wasn't really interested or cut out for a career in medicine, law, or computer science, the three other area where I thought there was money to be made. I wanted a career where I thought I could be happy doing it for the rest of my life. In hindsight, I was very naive. Out of all of the things that I thought, I was only correct in one area. I really do enjoy working in finance, and for a while there, I was making a lot of money. As for the rest of it, I stopped "partying about sixteen years ago. My wife died two years ago and, I suspect, given the rest of my life, a new girlfriend will be tough to find. Not that I don't think I can find someone to date. More that I have other things that are more important happening in my life, and that finding the right person to fit my ideals may be more trouble than it is worth. So, where do I want to go? At this point in my life, I want to make sure that both of my girls have a good start in life. I want both of my daughters to be able to defend themselves in almost any situation and I finally, I want my daughters to be happy and make better decisions than I did earlier in my life. Is there a way to reach where I want to go? I hope so. As for Maddie, keep thinking about your future, and what will make you happy. Don't just settle for whatever your friends think or are doing. Decide for yourself what YOU want...and then pursue it. Remember, money won't buy you happiness. But it does help to have it to make everything a little easier, You will find happiness from within. Find something you want to do, and then pursue it with a passion. You are a thinker... as I am as well. From one thinker to another, do not abandon one of your strengths because you don't know if you will find an answer that suits you. You will. You just may not have found it yet. . Okay, no quote today! What can I do? Who cares?! It's what I can't do that interests me. If you always set out to do what you can do, then there is no growth and you can't progress. Therefore, it is best to try to do what you can't do. Over and over again, until you can do it. Thus you increase what you can do and have a fuller life because of it.
I was just reading a blog post by James Altucher. It was a long post, and most of it just wasn't memorable to me. Yet there is one part near the end where it really hit home. He was writing about how his daughter had just lost a tennis match. He asked her " 'What did you learn?" She said, “What do you mean? I was disappointed.” He wrote: "If she always sticks to only what she can do (a safe, consistent serve instead of a harder one that will miss more) then she will never get better at what, right now, she can’t do." It’s the can’ts that add up to a win or a loss. The “cans” just keep you in the box of what is safe. That last line is brilliance in a simple form. The world doesn't progress with what "CAN" be done, but it takes astounding leaps when someone accomplishes what in the past couldn't be done. Think about it: In 1969 NASA put a man on the moon. One hundred years earlier, man was only going aloft in balloons. In 1903, Orville and Wilbur Wright brought us the first heavier-than-air flight. In 1926, Robert Goddard invented the first liquid-fueled rocket and by the 1950's man was leaving the earth's atmosphere. Man progressed by doing what they previously could not. Nowadays, Elon Musk is trying to land a man on Mars! In the years since 1969, We have put space stations in orbit around the earth, and we have put rovers on Mars, as well as numerous other accomplishments in space exploration. All of these wonderful discoveries and achievements are being driven by men and women who are not afraid to try what they can't do. On a more personal level, we don't have to aim for the stars to do something that we have never done before. For me, the martial arts and my writing give me two outlets to do things I have never done before. In karate, I have been working on spinning hook kicks to the head for months. When I first started practicing them, I could barely do a spinning hook kick to the body let alone to head level. The more I practiced the kick I could barely do, the better I have gotten at it. Now I can hit the bag at head level regularly with my spinning back kick. I now work on the timing so that I can actually land it against a moving target. As for my writing, I am always trying to push the envelope. In general, I write for a living. I work for Value Line and I cover 49 stocks and an industry. At a minimum, that amounts to about 200 articles a year. Supplementary reports likely bring that number closer to 250 pages. On top of that, I also write 5 blog posts a week for Mountain Rants. That means an additional 260 posts a year. It is with Mountain Rants where I can really try to push the envelope. I use Mountain Rants to tell my daughters things that I want them to know. Little life lessons to help them learn to think or live their lives more happily. The beauty of the posts is that they are there for posterity. My daughters, and others, can look at them whenever they like. Hopefully, they will find one or two ideas that will make their lives easier in the coming years. When I am not trying to teach my daughters something, I try to explore my own thoughts so I can see where I am in my life. No one is perfect, myself included. The only way to move forward is to examine where I am and where I have been. Socrates once said: "An unexamined life is not worth living." For Socrates, I think he meant that he wanted people to make conscious, ethical choices. For me, it means to see where I am now and how I can better myself in the future. Moving forward isn't found in the can. It is found in the can't. What is it that I can't do now, that I may be able to do with a little practice or trial and error? Where can I then go once I am able to do that? These are the questions that I look to answer. The final question is: Is it worth doing? We all only have so much time on this earth. Why waste it doing something that just isn't worth the effort to do? The answer to that will be different for each person. While the time it would take me to learn how to play the guitar at 50 may not seem worth it to me, for someone else it may fulfill a life's dream. Meanwhile, others may find it incredibly stupid for a fifty-year-old guy to learn how to do a spinning hook kick to someone's head. To each their own. In the end, I am interested in the can't. While Elon Musk's urge to go to Mars may be a nobler effort than my spinning hook kick, the difference in our incomes make his can't a little closer for him to achieve than it would be for me. If I can get off this earth with having landed at least one spinning hook kick to the head and having taught my daughters all that I have wanted to teach them, then I'll have reached today's horizons. Will these goals be enough for me tomorrow? Nope. As long as I am alive my goals will continue to change.. or more likely to expand to include other can'ts. Right now, as I write this, I know I have other goals as well. Other can'ts that I want to become cans. This blog post would go on for pages if I let it. For now, these two will do for good examples. What can'ts do you want to turn to cans? This morning I had a dream. In it I was in a place I have never been, doing things I have never done, with faceless people that I seemed to know. I woke up suddenly (thanks Lucky) and so I remembered it. Given there was so much pointless stuff going on in my dream, it made me ask myself the age old question, "What is the meaning of life?" After 49 years I can tell you confidently that I don't have the slightest idea!
I mean, think about life, not just yours, but everybody's. Some are running around looking for more and more material things, while others are just struggling to survive another day. While some would say that life is just the pursuit of happiness, I would tend to disagree. The pursuit of happiness is just something some are in a position to do with their spare time. For others, life is a constant struggle just to survive. So what would the meaning be for them? I guess you could say they want happiness too, but that they are just having a harder time reaching it. My daughter, Maddie thinks that the real meaning of life was the pursuit of happiness. She points to the Garden of Eden as her example. She says while we were there, there was happiness...until we got kicked out. I disagree with her. I look at that story differently. If Adam and Eve were happy, then they would not have eaten the forbidden fruit. Even if the serpent didn't say a word, it's likely that they would have eaten it at some point or other. Why? Curiosity. Secondly, if God really didn't want man to eat from the tree, he would have placed them elsewhere. Most people view God as an all knowing being. If this is true, then he already knew that Adam and Eve were going to eat the forbidden fruit. If he didn't know, then he wouldn't be all-knowing. Out of all the stories in the bible, this story makes the least sense to me. To me, God already knew or should have known what was going to happen, if he was all-knowing. Thus, the whole situation looks more like a set up. A set up so that A. God could kick us out of the Garden of Eden, or B. he could set up a situation where he could blame the humans for their own downfall. Either situation doesn't point to a god to me. Secondly, think of the punishment God handed down for that transgression. Not only were Adam and Eve banished from the Garden of Eden, but everyone who came after them. Think about it! That would be like humans finding a murderer guilty and then hanging him and everyone in his family for the crime. That certainly doesn't sound like an all-loving god. But I digress. Suffice it to say that I don't think the pursuit of happiness is the meaning of life. A drug addict getting high is pursuing happiness...while he is killing himself in the pursuit. THAT is certainly NOT the meaning of life. The pursuit of happiness is something we all do, to some extent anyway, but I do not think it is the meaning. So what brings meaning to my life? My children. When I was at my lowest, I kept going for my children. Not for my own happiness, but to try and bring about theirs. What do you love more than yourself in life? I think that is the true meaning of life. To distill it further, I think the meaning of life can be different for each and every one of us. For me, it is that which I would willingly give up my life for. That would be my daughters. Everything else pales in comparison. In the end, I really don't know what the meaning of life is. For me, it is my daughters. That is as near an answer as I can reach. If any of you think you have figured it out, leave a comment and let me know. I don't think the pursuit of happiness has anything to do with it. I think that the pursuit of happiness is a distraction from the true meaning, and that to attain true happiness, you first need to learn the real meaning of life. Otherwise, any happiness you may find will be hollow and fleeting...similar to what everybody already seems to be chasing. "Don't complain about things you're not willing to change." This quote says a lot! So many people go through life complaining about things that they have total control over as if they have no choice in the matter. Here are a couple of examples:
"I hate my job!" Okay, so you hate your job...then change it! There are a lot of things you can do other than make yourself miserable every day by going where you don't want to go. When you point this out to people, they usually look at you and say "well, I have been there so long I won't get the same money elsewhere." This might be true if you stay in the same field. But nothing says you have to stay in the same field. If you hate what you are doing, just changing your location likely won't make you any happier. Get off your fat ass and go back to school, or a trade school and get new training...hopefully in a field where you can make more money. If you are not willing to take steps to make changes, then don't complain to me about it because, frankly, I have better things to do than listen to you complain! Another one I hear a lot is "I hate this area. I would move in a heart beat!" Oh yeah, then why don't you move? "Well, I wouldn't have a job." or "Well, my whole family lives around here." If that is the case, then why do you hate this area? And you're right, there are no $10 an hour jobs anywhere else in the United States...or the world for that matter, so you better stay here where you "hate" it. Others I hear include: "I have no friends." (then why are you talking to me), "I am in debt." (as they sit sipping a $5 drink from Starbucks), "No one understands me." (As they sit there sullenly). Ask any of these people "Why?" and they will tell you "I don't know." But really they do know. They don't want to tell you, but they do know what the basis of all of their troubles are. It is a great resistance to change. They want others to change for them. Amuse me! They don't want to take the steps necessary to change their own situations. Think people! If you have a problem, it CAN be solved. You just have to think about what the answer would be for you, and then take the steps to implement the changes. Some people feel overwhelmed because to get to the life they want, they would have to make tremendous changes. Well, nothing comes for free baby... and a journey of a thousand miles always starts with a single step! If you are one of those people who need lots of changes to live the life you want, then start today. Map out what you want, and then plan a number of little steps that will get you closer to your goal. Then each day, take one of those little steps. Your life can change for the better! You just need to know how you want to change it. Then set a plan...and finally, the most important part, takes steps to follow through on the plan! Complaining wastes your time and mine. Do something with your life. Start the changes today. If you are not willing to do that...Then at least shut up so that we all don't have to listen to how miserable you are. "Doubts kill more dreams than failure" is likely one of the more accurate quotes I have read in quite a while. How many dreams have you not pursued because you thought you wouldn't be able to pull it off? I know that there are many, many things I have put to the side because I doubted it would be right for me or that I'd be able to accomplish them. Why is it I wonder that we automatically expect a bad outcome?
Some of the best things in my life have actually happened because I took the initiative and actually started them. And yet, when I am faced with something new that would definitely benefit me if it panned out, I oftentimes put it to the side until I think about it a little more. The delay often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Oftentimes, a lack of confidence was the problem. Depending on what it was I wanted it might be a lack of confidence in my abilities or low self esteem that would hold me back. Why? I am talented at many things and learn quickly. Personality wise, I get along with most people and have very few enemies. While my bluntness occasionally puts people off, most times it doesn't. Even so, I still find that I have worries that things won't work out for whatever reason. All said, doubts are the killers of dreams. If you want to do something in your life...I mean really want to do it, then don't let doubts stop you. While I can't guarantee that everything will work out perfectly if you try (you may still fail), I can guarantee that it will never happen if you don't at least try. Today, all I have on my mind is a dream I had recently. It's a little disjointed and it's odd, but please bare with me as I'd like to see if anyone else has insight on what it may mean.
The dream starts off in a large house. It's like a mansion from the outside, but once inside it it has only 3 noticeable rooms (or at least only 3 rooms that I go into in the dream). In the dream, I walk into the main room of the house. It's a living room with red wood floors, black leather couches and a long grey counter running along one wall. The counter is empty, and there are shelves with bottles of alcohol behind the counter. There is a coffee table in the middle of the room in between the couches. There is also a white throw rug on the floor. To the right of the couches, there is a single black door with orange-ish wood stairs leading down to the basement. The basement is a long, narrow white room. There is a room raised up by one step as you reach the foot of the stairs, and it is encase by a fence with a small gate in it. There is another smaller set of stairs leading into the next part of the room (still visible and only separated by a half-wall) which is often lit with floodlights. The first part of the room only has small, circular lights that provide little yet substantial light. There is a door as you first come down the stairs along the back wall that leads into a hidden passage that runs paralell along the basement. If you go through the door, you walk through the passage. The passage in and of itself is a large closet, filled with dress-up clothing and old-fashioned toys like china dolls and old wooden rocking horses. When you exit the closet, you're in the end of the basement. It's usually clean, with just a large dollhouse similar to one I have in real life sitting in the corner with the dolls aligned. However, in this dream, the whole room was dark when I came down the stairs save for the circular lights, which were flickering mildly. There was barely any light in the passage, and when I went to the other side of the room, it was pitch black... yet I could still tell that things were in disarray. There was dirty laundry, toys, and all manner of odd things scattered across the floor and I could barely walk... and as I tried to get back to the other side of the room, I could feel eyes watching me and I could feel as if I was being chased, though there was nothing behind me. As I got closer to the end of the room, a small girl with blonde hair wearing ripped jeans and a t-shirt peered out from behind the half-wall and beckoned me to come closer... and that is where the dream ended. It was scary for me, since my biggest fear is the dark and what I can't see/ don't know. I can't find any meaning in it, which is why I post it here- if anyone has any interpretation whatsoever, please leave a comment and tell me. Maddie |
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