"Be comfortable with being uncomfortable." I am not sure who wrote this gem, but I think it is a great quote; if you look below the surface. My youngest daughter looked at this quote and told me: "See this is why I don 't read your posts. I never know what you are talking about!" Ashleigh is seven, and still takes everything she reads literally. I know some adults that do that too!
I think it is a great quote because it pertains to a fulfilled life. We don't grow if we remain in our comfort zone. In fact, we stagnate. The problem is, we all want to be comfortable. We like to avoid change which could involve second guessing ourselves in the future. Nearly everyone I know says they want to be happy. And yet, many of them don't take the steps to change things so that they are happy. Instead, they continue to do the things they have always done and complain about it instead. There are certain things that need to be done to bring about change... and that is true whether it is the pursuit of happiness, the pursuit of a relationship, or a new job. In fact, it is true for everything. First, you need to know what you want to do. By knowing what you want, I don't mean that in a vague sort of way. I mean you really need to picture it in great detail. You then need to start thinking about what it will entail to reach that goal. Make a road map so to speak. Put down every little detail of what you would have to do to accomplish your goal. For instance, if you wanted to be able to give your car a tune up, there are certain things you would have to do. First, you would need to know what supplies you would need to do it. Secondly, it would help if you actually knew how to do it. If you don't then you may have to watch someone do one first, or take a class, or even watch a you tube video. Third, you would want to make sure you have all of the tools that you will need. Next you'll need to set aside time to accomplish your task. Etc. Etc. Once you have your detailed plan, the next step is the most crucial part. You actually have to start your endeavor. So many people will make plans and then wait for the perfect moment to start their plan. Unfortunately for many, that moment never arrives. The best time to start, once you know what you want is now. Not next month, not next year, but now. Part of the beauty of have a plan with the steps necessary plainly written out is that you have broken down what you need to do in smaller steps. You have already set it in your mind that there are a number of things to be done to reach your goal, and you can start by attacking one of those small things. Starting a new thing is half of the battle! By starting small two things are accomplished. First it allows you to get comfortable with the changes you are initiating. Secondly, you see some progress right away, and hopefully that will give you enough incentive to continue. Third, you have to keep going! Don't stop until you see your plan through. Get comfortable with working towards your goal. You are moving out of your comfort zone, there will be times when you are uncertain, or tired, or scared. Keep going! If something that you are doing isn't working as expected, then modify it a bit until it does work for you! As a side note, if you are working towards a life changing event, then try to surround yourself with like-minded people. Look for people who have accomplished something similar to what you are attempting. Ask them questions. Get to know them. The worst thing you can do is surround yourself with people who tell you that you can't. If you want to do something, you usually can. There will be a trade off though. You need to be willing to give up something in exchange for the new thing. I find that the things you may need to give up come down to three categories: Time, Money, People, or a combination of the three. To write this post, I am giving up about an hour of my time. Although I am writing it during the day, I know exactly what I am cutting out to write it. I will work an hour later this evening so that my work load doesn't suffer, and I will still do karate with my daughters. Instead, I will read a few less articles on stumble upon tonight and I will keep off of Facebook and Stumble upon. All said, if you embrace change and try to effect the changes you want to see, I think you will find you will begin to become comfortable with being uncomfortable.
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“You are not stuck where you are unless you decide to be.” That's a quote by Dr. Wayne Dyer. I think this self-help guru was absolutely right about this one!
I here so many people say they hate their job or they hate the area where they live. I tell them, "then find a new job." or "Then move!" Well, you wouldn't believe the responses I get to that. Well, I wouldn't make as much money somewhere else... or all of my family is around here. Well, then don't complain! If you are not happy where you are or in what you are doing, then it is up to you to change it. So many people are afraid of moving away from what they know... or move out of their comfort zones. I know, because it happens to me too. We get comfortable, and even though we know in our hearts that there is a better way or a better place for us, we get comfortable with the status quo and get afraid to try. In the past, I have run my own business. I loved being my own boss, but circumstances changed in my life, and I went back to a corporate job to make my life easier and to get a consistent paycheck. Even so, not a day goes by where I don't either look for a new business to start. I know that for me to be happy, I need to be running my life... not just in the hours between 5:00 p.m. and 7:00 a.m., but all the time. If you are not happy with something in your life, then you need to make a decision and act on it. Everything does not have to change in a day, but you do need to take at least a small step in that direction each and every day. Life is short. Don't be miserable because you are too afraid to take action. Remember, not taking action is an action in and of itself. It is a negative action, though. Tomorrow, take a step back and look at where you are in your life. Try to find the areas where you are not happy and then take steps to change them. Even little steps involving just looking for alternatives to the things that make you unhappy, will make you feel a bit better. Look for opportunities that will lead to your long-term happiness, and then take actions to make those opportunities a reality. Rome wasn't built in a day! But remember, Rome never would have been built at all if someone hadn't taken those original steps necessary to begin it. Be happy. And take the steps necessary to become happier "That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons that history has to teach." That is a quote by Aldous Huxley. Huxley is best known as the author of "A Brave New World" and "The Doors Of Perception". The Doors Of Perception recalls his experiences when taking a psychedelic drug, and was a book that had great influence on Jim Morrison. In fact, the book had such an impact on him that he named his rock band The Doors. How's that for trivia! Although I am sure that most true Doors fans already knew that. Anyway, Huxley was considered one of the greatest intellectuals of his time and was nominated for the Nobel Prize in literature in seven different years. While I am thinking about it, congratulations to Bob Dylan for winning the 2016 Noble Prize for literature. He won the award for ‘having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition’. The Swedish academy stated: “We’re really giving it to Bob Dylan as a great poet – that’s the reason we awarded him the prize. He’s a great poet in the great English tradition, stretching from Milton and Blake onwards. And he’s a very interesting traditionalist, in a highly original way. Not just the written tradition, but also the oral one; not just high literature, but also low literature.” Though Dylan is considered by many to be a musician, not a writer, Danius said the artistic reach of his lyrics and poetry could not be put in a single box. “I came to realize that we still read Homer and Sappho from ancient Greece, and they were writing 2,500 years ago,” she said. “They were meant to be performed, often together with instruments, but they have survived, and survived incredibly well, on the book page. We enjoy [their] poetry, and I think Bob Dylan deserves to be read as a poet.” I find it fitting to write about Aldous Huxley on the same day that Bob Dylan wins a Noble Prize because both men, in their own ways, called for social change. In fact, way back in 1958 Huxley gave a prescient warning about what he saw coming for the world in the future. Now, 58 years later, some of those predictions look startlingly accurate! Meanwhile, Dylan wrote songs in the sixties that called for social changes that also seem to be slowly gaining traction.
To get back to Huxley, after nearly sixty years, his words too are now history. Let's see what he was saying and if there is anything we should have learned. The quotes below come from an interview he did with Mike Wallace back in 1958. At that time Huxley stated that: 1."Technology, bureaucracy and Television will be used to enslave us." Huxley believed that: "we mustn’t be caught by surprise by our own advancing technology. This has happened again and again in history with technology’s advance and this changes social condition, and suddenly people have found themselves in a situation which they didn’t foresee and doing all sorts of things they really didn’t want to do." Specifically, on television he stated: " it is being used too much to distract everybody all the time. But, I mean, imagine which must be the situation in all communist countries where the television, where it exists, is always saying the same things the whole time; it’s always driving along. It’s not creating a wide front of distraction it’s creating a one-pointed, er…drumming in of a single idea, all the time. It’s obviously an immensely powerful instrument. ' There were a lot of other things that Huxley said too. Isaac Davis recently wrote an article about Huxley. Instead of just quoting from his article, follow this link to read it yourself Huxley It is rare that I ever just send my readers to another blog to read, but the article is well worth reading. In my opinion, Huxley was amazing. Now that you have read the article linked to above, I think you can see how self evident Huxley's quote to him. And remember, Brave New World was written in 1931. About 27 years before he gave that interview! Truly, He was a man ahead of his time. It's no wonder that his name often comes up when people speak of George Orwell, another writer of dystopian novels. He is best known for his book 1984. A Brave New World, 1984, and even Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand are all history now. Why not read them? And see if you can learn the messages these authors were trying to alert us to way back then. My mom has been passed for 3 years now... it's crazy to think that I was only 11 when everything happened so fast. Before my mom died, she taught me a lot about being a good person- and I've found she's taught me a lot more since her passing. This post isn't going to be long, or drawn out. It's simply going to be the wisdom I've learned from my mom. Enjoy... hopefully you can incorporate some of this into your own life.
Before Don't judge others based on appearance. Give people a chance and get to know them for who they are. Be kind and accepting. A nice word goes a long way and sometimes you'll never realize the impact you have on someone. Don't see every situation as being the worst. Try to find the good in everything, no matter how bad it may seem. Try your best at whatever you do. Treat others how you would want to be treated. Be honest. After... Don't ever take anything for granted. You never know when you can lose it. You don't know what you have until it's gone. Never hesitate in telling someone how you really feel about them because you DO NOT KNOW how long you have left to do so. Never go to bed angry with someone you care about. Don't waste your time foolishly. If you need help, don't be afraid to ask for it. However... no one can help you if you won't help yourself. Don't blame yourself for the mistakes of others. Choices you make now will affect your future whether you're conscious of it or not. In the end, love is all there is. "And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure if the storm is really over. But one thing is certain- when you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person that walked in. That's what this storm's all about." - maddie A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about the things adults don't remember from childhood and one post was purely comprised of quotes. One of the quotes I used was actually from a tumblr post, and it was as follows: "Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority” and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say “if you won’t respect me I won’t respect you” and they mean “if you won’t treat me like an authority I won’t treat you like a person” and they think they’re being fair but they aren’t, and it’s not okay." In any case, tonight before I go to bed (and by that, I mean before I drag my dad off to play video games with me) I'd like to just touch upon my opinion of respect. It won't be so much paragraphs as a short bullet list. I've been uninspired all day and while that's really no excuse, what I have to say is simple and needs no real elaboration. Take it as you will.
"There comes a time to stop crossing oceans for those who wouldn't jump a puddle for you." "“I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms." That's a quote by C. Jo Bell. I think she is a self-published author, since I could not find out too much about her. In fact, when I looked her up, it said she was "best known for her love of cake, especially that of the red velvet nature." I guess if you are going to be known for something, that's as good as anything else.
At any rate, I liked her quote. It was a bit longer than what I show, but I drew the line at letting my kids ride the subway on their own. Maddie could likely do it... she is old enough, although I think she would be very uncomfortable doing it being she grew up in a rural setting. Ashleigh is just too small and young, though, and I would likely have a heart attack from worry if she was off on the subway on her own. I think the best thing we can do for our children is to teach them to think for themselves. While they are young, that entails teaching them how to think. Too many people nowadays don't seem to know how to think logically. Instead, they let their emotional response guide everything they say and do. To me, that isn't thinking. That is reacting. Reacting is good if you are in a life or death situation. You are crossing the street and a car comes speeding around the corner. You quickly run out of the way! That is a reaction. It is okay to react in a situation like that without thinking. In fact, you'd be crazy not to. But there are other situations where it is better to think first. And it is in these situations where we, as a nation, are failing our youth. Instead of teaching logic and critical thinking in our schools, we teach touchy-feely reactions. In fact, much of what passes for history nowadays is just a collection of dates and names, with a one-sided story of why it happened. The schools go out of their way to make sure everyone feels good about what happened. Heroes and villains are described in black and white. Never in the shades of grey that were actually closer to the truth. I am not just trying to pick on history classes here. I am just trying to point out that if we don't make an effort to teach our children to think critically, we should never expect them to be able to do it when they are an adult. If we really want to make the world a better place, then we need to start teaching our children to think critically and logically. Once they have a background in that type of thinking, then by all means allow them to do things for themselves and make their own choices. I try to give my girls freedom commensurate with their maturity level. Notice I did not say age. I know adults that I give less trust to than my 14-year-old daughter! Age does not make maturity. Logical thinking does. Teach your children to think logically, and then allow them some semblance of freedom and watch their lives blossom. "Better three hours too soon than a minute too late!" That's a quote by William Shakespeare. Just goes to show that sometimes being a good writer just comes down to saying something in such a way that everyone gets it.
Take the above quote, for instance. What do you think of when you read that sentence? I can almost guarantee that you don't think of the same thing that I do. In fact, you could read that line every day, and, depending on your mood, you may think of something different. If it's early in the morning, and you are in a light-hearted mood, you might think of your first cup of coffee. If you are stressed out, it might remind you of a looming deadline at work. For me, it always reminds me of the same damn thing. And for the rest of my life, I think it always will. You see, this isn't the first time I have read that quote. Indeed, I see it all the time. The words may change a little... or the picture it is attached to. It doesn't matter. No matter how it is presented, it makes me think of my wife, and the things left unsaid between us. My wife's death came as a shock to me. Not that I didn't know she was struggling with problems that could eventually lead to death... I knew that! But just the way it happened. We never think that today may be the last day we see someone. Or, in my case, the last day we can get to say something to them and have them understand. You see, I got to see my wife each day for two weeks while she lay in a coma. She had died three times already by then, but the doctors kept reviving her. To me, those two weeks don't count. For me, the last time I spoke to my wife was on the day before I left for New Jersey with the girls to go to a concert with Madison. This was about two days before Sharon was hospitalized. We had stopped by to say good bye, and we spoke to her for a few minutes. Sharon hadn't been feeling well for the past few weeks and she seemed down. I thought it was because we were going away for a few days. As we got up to leave, Sharon came up to me and gave me a long hug, and whispered I love you into my ear. We were divorced by this time and just giving each other little perfunctory kisses on the cheek when we either came or went... you know, kind of like you do to people who are in your family, but you don't speak to a lot. Thus I was surprised when she did that. I wasn't surprised that she still loved me. I loved her as well. But that she would give me the long hug and say that almost as if she expected never to see me again. I, of course, didn't understand. She was saying her last goodbye. I just didn't realize. Never understood that she was that close to dying. For me, there were so many things left unsaid. So many things that tear me up inside because I was never able to tell her. There is no physical pain that can be worse than knowing you have things that have been left unsaid. Nowadays, I make sure to say I love you to my daughters multiple times per day. I figure it is better to be a lifetime early than even a second too late. None of us really know when we are going to take our last breath. Any of us could die tomorrow. Thus it's better to make sure that you say those things you feel to the people around you. Express love to your loved ones. Friendship to your friends and appreciation for those who help to make your life a better place. You never know when there will be no tomorrow. I learned this lesson a little too late. Don't let it happen to you. They say the early bird gets the worm. To be honest, I think that bird gets peace of mind! "The greatest pleasure in life is in doing what people say you cannot do." - Walter Bagehot. Walter, believe it or not, was once the editor of The Economist, which, of course, is a financial magazine. He was the editor way back in the mid-1800's though, so it was way before the magazine became a mouthpiece for the powers that be.
Bagehot was born about 145 years ahead of his time, judging him purely by his quote. I like to loosely live by that quote as my motto. If people say I can't do something... particularly if it is something physical, I like to practice until I can prove them wrong. Personally, I hate when people use age as an excuse. And I hate even more when they use MY age as an excuse! "You can't do that! You're 50 years old!" Yes, I am fifty years old, but I CAN do that! I will practice the move over and over again until I can do that. Spinning back kick to someone's head. Yep, I can do it. I practiced for months, but I CAN do it. I am now trying to teach my daughter how to do it. It is a definite show off move. Punch a 100 pound bag over with one punch. Yes! That one only took me a few tries to get. Ditto the flying side kick. The trick is to get height. Even outside of karate, I don't like people telling me what I can't do, just because they or most people can't or won't do it. I started my own business because I thought I could work from home and get paid for it. I moved to New Hampshire because I thought New Jersey was grossly over-taxing everyone. Well, what can you do, people said, if you live here, you got to pay it. Well then I won't live here. Yeah right! That's right, I bought a house in New Hampshire in 2005, and have been saving on taxes ever since. Similar to the quote, I do take pleasure in doing what people say I can't do. No fear. We weren't born to live in fear. At least not fear of trying. If I want to do something, and it IS possible, then I am going to try until I can do it. If others don't like that, tough luck! Live for yourself. Do what people say you can't do. I am not advocating breaking the law here. I think you can see where I am coming from by the examples I used. Follow your heart. Do what you want...even if you need to expend time and energy to do it. Time and energy is kung fu. become a kung fu master! and take pleasure from doing things others have said you cannot do! "Good habits formed at youth make all the difference." That's a quote by Aristotle. If you do not know who he is, then you should stop reading this blog right now and go look him up. I think you will find his thoughts and writing well worth reading!
To get back to his quote, I must say I agree with it 100%. I honestly try to encourage good habits in my daughters now, while they are young, so that they will have a basis for living a good, productive, healthy interesting life. Would you like a couple of examples? Well, for starters, take this blog. Each day, my daughters are supposed to write a post about any topic they like. I want my daughters to be able to write well, and to be able to express themselves on any topic that they would like. Wishing this for my daughters is not enough. They need to practice this skill while they are young, so that it can come naturally for them later on. Let's face it, nearly every high-paying job out there has some writing involved with it. Lawyers, doctors, engineers, analysts, TV personalities or politicians all need to have the ability to write AND be understood. Entrepreneurs also need to be able to write. Whether it is for marketing, new proposals, or even just for thank you letters to an important client. Having a child write a little something every day just makes a lot of sense! Practicing karate is another thing that I have tried to make a habit for my girls. Training in the martial arts helps kids in so many ways. To start, the training helps them to develop physically, mentally and socially. The workouts are designed to help them to develop strength and stamina. Moreover, large motor skills, such as kicking and punching aid in the development of coordination and balance. Our school has five rules that both the adults and the children are expected to follow. In a nutshell, these are: Effort, Etiquette, Sincerity, Character, and Self Control. I am not going to go into detail about them here. (If anyone is interested, I wrote an article on the Bushido Code. You can read it here, although I used it for a marketing piece for my business at that time.) Suffice it to say that these rules help to develop self-discipline and confidence. I have also found that my daughters' attention spans have increased and their listening skills have improved. Both of my daughters started training at the age of three. Madison, my oldest daughter, is now a second-degree black belt. Training has become a way of life for her. It is a part of her. Ashleigh, is now a purple belt. She is participating in her first full tournament season this year. So far, she has won two trophies. She is optimistic that she will win more trophies this weekend. She has been practicing hard at the dojo and at home. Regardless how she does, I am proud of her. The girls also cultivate their own habits over time. I try to encourage there interest in the things they choose as well. If you have kids, cultivate good habits in them now. As a parent, it is our job to teach them. It is not the school's job... it is yours. Happiness is a habit. Teach your children to develop that habit. Healthy habits help to lead to a happy life. Help your children to develop habits that will serve them well for a lifetime. "You are never too old to set another goal, or to dream a new dream." That's a quote by C.S. Lewis. If you haven't heard of old Clive, then it's likely that you at least know one of his greatest works, The Chronicles of Narnia. He was also an Oxford professor, whose best friend was J.R.R. Tolkien.
Anyway, I saw his quote and I knew I had to write about it. You see, his quote is the way I try to live my life! I want to be active my entire life, and the best way to do that is to set goals. I try not to let my age stand in my way from doing anything I want to do. I may have to modify my technique a little bit, but I firmly believe that any goal is achievable if you put enough effort into it. Here are some examples: Iva Barr is 88 years old. This year, for the 35th-consecutive year, she will be running in the London Marathon. In fact, she ran in the first London Marathon ever held, way back in 1981! Want another example? How about Harriette Thompson? She is the oldest person to ever complete a marathon. She ran in the Rock N Roll San Diego Marathon last year. She finished the race in 7 hours and 24 minutes. She is 92. Age didn't stop them from doing what they wanted to do. Nope! They made plans and carried them out, and achieved their goals. There are two types of people in the world. Those that make do, and those that make excuses. When I go to meet my maker, I don't want there to be any excuses! I also don't want there to be any more regrets. If I want to do something, I find a way to do it. And that's it. I don't care if it takes years of practice, or great physical or mental effort. I set the goal, and then look for ways to accomplish it. Here are two examples. I have always wanted to do a head-high spinning back kick (since I joined karate anyway). I think they look cool and are the type of attack that will catch an opponent off guard. The problem was that I did not have the balance, speed or flexibility to do the kick. A few months ago, I started to practice the kick before the Little Ninjas class I help to teach on Mondays and Thursdays. Before each class, I would practice both spinning kicks and sidekicks on the large free-standing bag at the dojo. At first, I was happy if I could hit the bag a solid shot. The more I practiced, the higher I would try to bring my kicks. At this point I can land a spinning back kick at head level whenever I like. Not only that, but I can also land straight kicks, sidekicks and crescent kicks at that same head level. You see, by practicing for accuracy and flexibility, I improved all of my kicks. After achieving the proper height, I started practicing landing the kicks at that height but with full power. I can now knock the bag over with a spinning back kick on demand. The first time I achieved it, I kicked so hard I pulled my hamstring. I kept practicing anyway, and I am proud to say I can knock it over without hurting myself at all. It was around that time that Shihan told me that Hanshi could knock that same bag over with a punch. For those of you who don't know Hanshi Larry Sullivan, he is 62 years old and is in terrific shape. Hanshi means highest rank, and this man deserves the title and all of the respect it entails. In my opinion. Hanshi is in better shape than anyone who takes his classes. He has professional fighters that he trains that cannot beat him in a match. But I digress, when I heard that he could do that, I wanted to be able to do it too. This is a large heavy bag folks, and most people cannot knock it over with a kick, let alone a punch. Well, I started to punch the bag as hard as I could. At first, I could only make the bag tilt, but not fall over. I kept trying though, and eventually I got it! I have knocked it over with a single punch on three occasions now. I still can't knock it over every time I punch it yet, but I eventually want to be able to do it at will. Although none of these goals will ever have a monetary reward for me, they do give me a deep sense of satisfaction. Looking ahead, I am now training to do better deep long-hold push ups. Usually, when I do push ups I do them quickly and do what amounts to either a half or two-third push up. They are quicker and easier when you are facing hundreds of push ups. Lately, Hanshi has been working us on deep. all the way push ups that we then hold for about 30 seconds. In other words, think of dropping downwards to do your push up, and then stop with your chest about 1 inch above the floor and then hold it there like that for 30 seconds. Let me tell you, those types of push ups are brutal! The other day, I made the mistake of mentioning that I hated those push ups. That is the quickest way, in my opinion, of saying that you need help with something. Hanshi was only happy to oblige, and now we are doing some of those types of push ups in many of the classes I go to. I am now up to doing six of those (after doing a full set of normal push ups). My goal is to get to where I can do a full set of 25 of that type of push up. Who cares that I am fifty! A couple of those deep push ups each night before bed will help me to achieve my goal. At this point, I am thinking I will be able to do it by Christmas. Yikes! At any rate, do not let your age be the deciding factor in what you do or do not want to do. If it is not impossible, you can achieve it, if you want it bad enough and you are willing to work towards doing it every day. You are only here once, folks. Make the most of it! This quote is possibly one of the best I have come across in a long while... and recently; I've come to find more appreciation for it. As I've been slowly getting older (odd to be hearing from a 14 year old, but hey, we age too) I've been finding more and more reasons why silence is better than talking, and that isolation can sometimes be a lot better than being social. For one, my house is constantly noisy due to my little sister being young; so any moment of pure silence and relaxation is much appreciated. My house in general is loud- my family do not hesitate to make noise; be it with loud music, cooking, cleaning, yelling, talking, phone calls, or anything else.
-side note- The quietest times for me are often in the very early morning, before anyone else is awake. I usually make myself a cup of tea and watch the sun rise; before doing a little work and then resting on the couch. - In any case; that was NOT the point of this post! What I'd like to point out is the fact that too many people open their mouth to spread hate, negativity, and worry nowadays. I hear it and see it almost everywhere; online and in reality, and it sucks. In my opinion, life is too short and life after death isn't guaranteed. We were all placed on this one planet to get along and coincide; and instead, we go to war with each other. We're so desperate to learn about the life on other planets; when we can't even accept those of our own kind who are slightly different. It's ridiculous how hateful we, as humans, can be towards each other and it's really un-necessary. This being said, I think all of us can do with a bit of silence for once. We become so angry, so willing to antagonize others in the heat of the moment, and it's awful. So I have a challenge for my readers; as a way to calm down and be happier. This challenge may be a bit big, but I want you to try and at the end of next week, leave me a comment telling me about your experience. Here goes! I wants you to: - take at least one relaxing, long bath. - make yourself a cup of green tea every morning. - find 30 minutes every day to sit and meditate. - take at least 15 minutes every day outside in a secluded area, enjoying nature. - refrain from saying negative things to others. - if angered, take deep breaths until calm. - don't speak unless what you are about to say has some sense of positivity in it. There's too much hate in the world. Let's beat it back a little. Good luck, good night, and treasure the silence. - Maddie Can we take a moment to discuss the difference between these two commonly confused words, please?
con·fi·denceˈkänfədəns/ noun
con·ceit kənˈsēt/ noun
Okay. Now that that has been established; I think you can see the difference. Conceit takes confidence to a whole new level. Conceit; in my opinion at least; is when you don’t know when to stop talking about yourself to others. You may be confident or you may be insecure, but whatever the case may be- you never shut up. You don’t shut up about how talented you are (even though you may not be), you don’t shut up about how attractive you are, you don’t shut up about how everyone loves you, and you don’t shut up about how fucking wonderful you are. And quite frankly, it’s annoying! I am an advocate of the whole “self love” and learning to love yourself movement- but this is ridiculous! In my opinion; confidence is something you have that you don’t share with others. You keep it to yourself; and in doing so your confidence is radiant and others can tell you’re confident just from how you act. Because YOU know it. You don’t have to constantly walk around telling everyone or reminding everyone of your brilliance; they just get that from you because you naturally are. I personally believe that it’s great to have confidence. I think it’s wonderful when people appreciate themselves; and take pride in what they do and how they do it. That’s great! What isn’t great is being so insecure or so full of yourself that you feel the need to rub it in everyone’s face and even tear others down to build yourself up. That’s just awful. “Confidence isn’t walking into a room and comparing yourself to others. Confidence is walking into a room and not having to compare at all.” - Maddie "He who angers you conquers you." That's a quote by Elizabeth Kenny. She also said, "It's better to be a lion for a day, than a sheep all your life." I like that. This girl's got spunk! Kenny is credited with being the founder of physical therapy. Her story is rather interesting, If you have nothing to do, read about her on Wikipedia.
Kenny, to me, seemed indomitable. Both of the quotes above seem to bear that out as well. Sometimes, you need the spirit of the warrior just to survive. As a nurse during World War I, who traveled on "dark ships" I am certain that she had this. To get back to the quotes, oftentimes it is true that if someone angers you, they do in effect conquer you. At least for a little while. My daughter's battle with phony accounts on Instagram brings this to mind. It seems someone set up a phony account and made nasty comments to a number of people on Instagram. My daughter's reaction to the ordeal makes it clear that it really bothers her, and it has changed the nature of what she had been doing in her life. To that affect, she has been conquered by her anger. Instead of just blocking the fake account and then carry on happily with her friends as she usually does, instead she is trying to "prove" who the person is that made the fake account. To what end? What good will it serve to stir the pot in this instance? And does someone's snide comments now really matter? She has let it ruin her day, and it seems that others have let it ruin their day as well. In fact, this has been going on for three days. Her response, as well as her friends, almost guarantees that the behavior will continue. Not only does the person who set up the fake account now have an avenue to antagonize my daughter and her friends on a regular basis, but so does anyone else who has taken notice of the response... including people who are in the group that is responding. Fake accounts are so easy to set up and manipulate that any of them can set up a fake account and mimic the behavior of the current fake account holder. Not only that, but each response and "outburst" on group chat etc. gives people ammunition for future attacks. Why wouldn't people file away what they know bothers each of the people in the group. In the future, I hope my daughter does not allow others to conquer her through her anger. At our dojo, we practice peace over power. This philosophy is supposed to carry over into our personal lives as well, not just when we are training. There is no need for a group response to a fake account. Just move on and go about being happy. Report the account, block the account, maybe even respond with a short comment to what was said. But then move on. Life is too short to allow someone to conquer you with mere words. "The more things you do, the more you can do." That's a quote by Lucille Ball. For those of you who have been living under a rock for the past half a century... or those of you born after 2000 and don't watch TV (Maddie & Ashleigh), Lucille Ball was a famous comedienne who was a staple on TV for more than Fifty years. She was that rare breed who was both beautiful and funny.
One thing that always stood out to me as a child, was that Lucy always seemed to be busy either doing something or coming up with a scheme to do something. She never sat still! Thus, it doesn't surprise me to see that quote above. Her character on TV was always busy doing something, and even if her plans went a little haywire, they always seemed to work out in a good way in the end. The result may not have been what she was originally expecting, but in the end, the show never ended on a down note. Lucy was a comedic genius, and she seemed to want to give subtle life lessons in each of her shows. You don't know what you want to do with your life? It's okay, she seemed to show, just keep working toward your goal and it will work out in the end. Maybe not how you planned it, but you will have progress none the less. To move away from Lucy for a moment, think about the most successful people you can think of. Warren Buffett, John Neff, Peter Lynch... (think of your own folks, mine seem to revolve around finance). Whoever you think of. Try to picture what their life may be like. Now, after doing that, do you see them sitting down in front of the TV for any of that time? I don't! In fact, I think part of what make these people so successful is that they keep themselves busy doing productive things. Now, when I say productive, I don't mean that they are always working. No, I mean that whatever they are doing, they are getting things that are important to them done. Whether it is looking for art to hang on their walls, researching a new company, or going to a benefit...whatever it is, they are not just sitting there in front of the TV allowing their lives to slip by them. They are learning. They are doing. They are meeting new people. Isn't that how you want your life to be? Learning new things, helping people, getting things accomplished. None of those things can be done while you are sitting in front of a television. Please don't get me wrong. I am not advocating always working. Far from it. Instead, I am advocating always doing something. Work, learn, live your life to its fullest. Set and accomplish goals, both within your work life and your fun life. Don't just sit down in front of a TV and watch others pretend to live a life. The years go by too quickly. Whatever you see on TV, you can likely do in real life. Okay, you may not be able to fight orcs... but you can still travel and see the human version of orcs or other forms of the great unwashed without even leaving your own state. There are so many things to see and do in our world. Do not fail to see them because you'd rather watch some moron fight a phony zombie on the Walking Dead. Get a life people! Life is too short to spend it in front of a TV! I have two large pet peeves- and those are people who whine constantly; and people who are hypocrites. Make sure you know the meaning of both before reading this post.
Recently, I've seen a situation with my friends that has been annoying me to the max and has just reached a complete breaking point. My friend loves to say that no one loves them, and nothing is farther from the truth. No one has a lack of love; there is always someone who loves you and thinks you're amazing and I don't think enough people in general realize that... not just my friend. There is ALWAYS someone who loves you. It may be a relative, or a friend, or maybe someone you aren't aware of. Hell, it may even be an animal! But there is always someone, no matter what you believe. There is always someone with enough room in their heart for you. And you should never feel like no one loves you. Now, on the other end of the spectrum. I have heard my friends complain that nobody loves them, and then complain that too many people love them! They actually complain that the wrong people love them and I HATE IT. Like no! Be happy that people DO love you! Accept the love. You don't have to accept it 100%; but don't complain about someone else's feelings for you. It's ridiculous. - Maddie "Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." That's a quote by Will Rogers. Will did it all. He was a movie star, radio host and newspaper columnist. He was one of the most beloved men of his generation. On his tombstone, he wanted the words "I never met a man I didn't like" carved on it. He died in a plane crash in Alaska in 1935.
Rogers had a lot of folksy sayings that made a lot of sense. I like the one above because of how simple and true it is. Have you ever met a person who had a lot of talent at something, yet never amounted to much? I see that sometimes in my profession. It's almost like they worked hard to become an analyst, but once they got the title, they just seemed to stop working. They would rather just rest on their laurels. Well, these people rarely last long. They will get a job with a fund, work there for about six months to a year and are then sent packing. Why? Usually because they fail to live up to their potential. One guy I knew had a degree from Harvard. In the five years I knew him, he had four jobs. He went from working as a salesman for Goldman Sachs, to working at a hedge fund where he bombed. He then went to another hedge fund, then another, never making any real money as a portfolio manager. After he joined a third hedge fund, I lost track of him. I imagine he has moved a few times since then too. When someone is successful, we say "they are really hitting their stride." We call successful people "movers and shakers." All of these things connote movement! Thus, if you really want to make an impact in anything you do, make sure to keep moving in the right direction. Don't rest on your laurels. No one cares what you did yesterday. They care about what you are doing right now...and what type of impact you will have on the future. Keep working towards your goals. Don't give in to mediocrity. Do your best at whatever you decide to do. Don't take the attitude that you can get by with just "good enough". People can tell a lot about you by what you do. To use karate as an example, you can really tell the difference between which people practice and which people don't. The ones that do are typically in better shape and pick up the material much faster than those that don't. Their kicks and strikes are cleaner, and usually more powerful. Whatever you decide to do in life, don't settle to be one of "those" people. Put effort into whatever you decide to do. If you won't put the effort in, then why bother to do it at all. If you get on a track, remember there are trains and there is roadkill. Be a train...don't get run over because you decide to sit back and relax on the tracks! Life... is very easy. Keep breathing, don't do anything horrible, work hard, enjoy yourself, be happy.... love and laugh and spread happiness. Try not to let stress drag you down. When you break life down, it is very easy to live. The only complications to be found are the ones we create for ourselves... and I witnessed that today.
One of my friends has a particularly hard time dealing with a certain annoying ex. This ex treated her like completely shit, used her and broke her down... and she blames herself for their breakup when HE left HER and she didn't do anything wrong. Months later, she believes that he still has feelings for her... and while I don't think I could bring myself to tell her that, it's hard to watch her bring herself down and then build herself up on the false hopes that he will return. I don't know... I told her that there's an easy way to settle it. Contact him, and talk to him. It'll give you all the answers you need; one way or another....and put your mind at ease. In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take. And in the end; we are the only ones who die for our lives... and how we lived them. Live positively and with as little stress possible. It is pointless to harbor it when it can be so easily discarded. ~ Maddie Your life is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition." I am paraphrasing Steve Jobs there. He was a bit long winded with what he was talking about, so I distilled it a bit to hit the key points. This quote is something that I want to drill into my daughters' heads. No matter what I want for you and your life, remember. it is YOUR life.
Do what you feel is best for you when you grow older. Right now, I am your shepherd. I am making decisions for you that I think and hope are in your best interests. When you are older, you will make these decisions for yourself. I am always here to speak with you about my decisions and why I make them. As you age, I hope that you will see the wisdom behind some or (hopefully) all of my decisions. Remember, though, that just because you can make a decision, doesn't always mean you will make the right one. Think long and hard before making a decision that will impact your future. Try to weigh the pros and cons. Don't make a decision to spite someone, or just to prove someone wrong. Remember, there is more to peace than just not fighting. To live in peace, you need to make decisions that are right for you now, and will remain right for you in the future as well. Think out your decisions in advance. What will the impact of your actions be on your well being? On your reputation? On your own self image and on how you are perceived by the people you meet. How will your actions impact the people around you? Does it matter? Your life can be wonderful...or it can be hell. It will all depend on your decisions. Don't make life-changing decisions when you are angry or hurt. Count to 10 before speaking when you are angry. Count to 100 when you are really angry! Speak honestly and from your heart...but don't use that as an excuse to hurt other people. Praise people when you can, but only speak ill to someone if you absolutely have to. Have the wisdom to know the difference. My wish for both of you is that I want you to be happy. Make decisions that will lead you along the path to happiness. Before you can do that, though. You need to know what happiness means for you. My path to happiness will not necessarily be your path to happiness. Know what truly makes you happy, and then pursue it. And if you find that you have been chasing a chimera, don't be afraid to step back and reassess your choices. Life is not a race... it is a journey. And if you travel down the wrong path, don't be afraid to turn around and try another. Although this post is for my daughters, I hope that other readers can also gain some wisdom from it. Feel free to leave comments with your thoughts. "What screws us up the most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be." That little gem is from an unknown author. Well, unknown to me anyway, and also unknown to the person who put the quote up on the quote page I had been reading. No matter who wrote the quote, there was a lot of wisdom bundled up in that one short sentence! We all have pictures in our heads of how life is supposed to be. Yet many people feel cheated that their lives are lacking a lot of what they expected it to be. Why is that? I think the picture above is a good example of that. That picture is my front yard. When someone asks me to think of home, that is usually how I picture it. I see myself sitting on my front porch, enjoying a slight breeze or maybe playing frisbee with my daughters barefoot out on the lawn. That is how I like to picture it. The problem is, that that isn't the reality. Reality is that I spend more time mowing that lawn than I do playing frisbee (which I have never done there anyway). Secondly, it would take a brave soul to walk barefoot there since my dog uses it as his private toilet. Lots of dog poop hidden among that grass! There is another problem as well. For six or seven months out of the year my lawn looks like (or has the potential to look like) the picture below: Yep, that is the same front yard. That big lump of snow to the extreme left middle of the picture is the big rock. Up here in New Hampshire, we have twice had blizzards on Halloween in the ten years that I have been up here. Last year, we had a snowstorm on Thanksgiving...that came as a mild surprise for my sister and brother in law who drove up here from New Jersey for the holiday!
My point here is that life changes faster than our perceptions about how life is supposed to be. If you are constantly going through life hoping that it will match some unobtainable ideal you have in your head all of the time, then you are bound to be disappointed...particularly if you take no steps to make that ideal come true. On the other hand, if you put it into your head that life has its seasons and that there are steps you can take to enjoy them all, then I think your life will be a lot happier. When life gives you snow, then make a snowman! Now, I know my above example is very simple, and doesn't pertain to everything that life throws at you. Still, if you try, you can take steps to make your life as enjoyable as possible. To start, go to where you think you have the best chance to be happy. That might be around particular people, or it might instead be a particular place, where you don't know any of the people. Second, try to get a job that suits your personality or that you are happy doing. Now, when I say job I don't necessarily mean go work for somebody else. You can also start your own business or do volunteer work. When I say job I mean find a way to make some money so that you can live comfortably. By living comfortably I mean in a way that is acceptable to you. I have always found that if I am going to spend my time doing something other than playing or relaxing, then I want to be paid as much as possible for the time I am spending that I can. That way, when I am not working, I have enough cash to do whatever I please (within reason). I also find it is best for me to do something that I find is interesting. In the end, we all spend a lot of our time working in one form or another to stay alive. I have always wanted to have my time working to at least be enjoyable to me. The more ways you can make your work enjoyable the better it will be for you, and the more likely it will be that you will have an enjoyable life. Anyway, I rambled and got off topic a bit. I guess what I am trying to say is that if you currently feel like you have a screwed up life, don't fret and think that you are the only one. We all feel screwed up at times. There are two ways out of it. 1. change your perceptions of what life should be so that it is closer to reality. Or 2. take steps to make your perceptions your reality. If you don't like snow in your life (ever), then move to Florida. That's a bit extreme, but you see what I mean. In other words, if you think your life should be spent by the ocean and you live in the upper Midwest, then you have a serious problem between perception and reality! So, you can either move to the seashore, or you can change the way you perceive life should be to make you happy. For me, I like to focus on the little things in life to keep me happy. A hot cup of coffee, the beautiful all-season views outside my windows, watching my daughters grow up... that kind of stuff. I don't need personal drama, or TV to be happy, although I do like a good book and laughter in my life. I guess what I am trying to say, is enjoy what you have...for some day you might not have it. It is also a lot better than lamenting about something that you don't have now and maybe never will. Here we are at New Year's eve again. On average, 118 people will lose their lives tonight in an alcohol related accident. That number always seemed low to me, but who knows. Don't worry, this post is not about alcohol and why you shouldn't drink it. No, this post is about something else entirely.
It's about how so many people view New Years as some sort of new beginning. As if our trip around the sun will have any bearing on how they live their lives. How many time have you heard "Okay, this year I am going to do...(add your own failure here)"? My question is: if you want to do something, then why wait? Begin today! Why is January 1st so symbolic for some people? Is it because it makes it easier to keep track of their misery? I will give up smoking! I will give up fatty foods! I will give up excessive drinking! Or is it to make it easy to keep up with their successes? I ran a mile each day this year! I went to the gym three times a week since the new year!If these things are so important to you...and you are making a change to better your life, then why do you need to keep track of it so precisely? Also, why wait to give it up on New Years? Wouldn't it be better if you gave it up sooner? Please don't think I am picking on anyone here; I have done it too. I just find that when I do it, it is usually for something that I don't think I will really do. You see, when I really want to do something, I just do it, I don't care what day it is, I don't care who knows... I just do it. If you have something you think is important to you, then just do it. Don't wait for New Years. Don't make a big deal about it talking to your friends. Just do it. Less talk and more action is what we can all use in our lives. Are you tired of being a fatso? Then don't chug twenty beers tonight and then start your diet. Skip the booze and start right now. Are you planning on hitting the gym daily this year? Then skip the New Year's Eve party and go to the gym instead.Planning on writing a book? Then use tonight to get a few paragraphs written. Why wait? Sometimes, tomorrow never comes. I'd say Happy New Years, but, hey it's just another day, and I'd really rather not. Instead, I'll just wish you a happy day and many happy tomorrows. Don't wait for some arbitrary happening to start what you want to do. Do it now and make your happiness grow from here and now... not tomorrow just because the world wants you to believe that that day has more meaning than any other one that you lived through. And if you are going to go out to celebrate the New Year, then be safe. There are a lot of drunks on the road. Try your best not to be one of them. |
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