I was looking at some Zen koans earlier, and I came across something that wasn't realy a koan, but got me thinking nonetheless. A koan typically is a paradoxical anecdote or riddle, used in Zen Buddhism to demonstrate the inadequacy of logical reasoning and to provoke enlightenment.. The following anecdote, will get you thinking, but it isn't really a koan since it gives you the answer to think about. A true koan would leave it to you to figure out, and thus gain enlightenment. Here is the paragraph in question: Read this slowly: "LIFEISNOWHERE" What did you read? Life is No Where? OR Life is Now Here? My friends, Life is all about how you look at it! That last line is what really kills it as a koan in my opinion. Still, it does make you think, and the author is correct, in my opinion. Life is all about how you look at it!
Have you ever met someone who seems perpetually happy? I have. I think we all have actually. I notice when I am around these people that the world seems to be a little less foreboding and seems to have more opportunity. Their smiles are infectious, and I generally seem to have a better time while I am around them. Other people seem to have the opposite effect. Everything is a chore for them, and if you are not miserable too, then you are just not trying enough! These people have the ability to suck the life out of me, and I try to avoid them as much as I can. I also notice that these people are not the same for all people (although the happy ones are!). Someone who is a time suck and a drain for me, may just be an ordinary person for someone else The final group of people are what most people seem to be... that is neutral. For the most part, these people have little impact on your life most of the time. About 90% of the people you meet are going to be neutral in your life. My advice is to find the perpetually happy, and try to make friends with them. At the same time, make friends with all of the neutrals you can as well, since they are usually nice people, and while they don't have the ability to always be happy around you and help your happiness, at least most times they will be amicable. The final group, I call them the buzz kills, are the ones you really want to steer away from in your life. Life is too short to be miserable, or to be around perpetually miserable people. For me, I also try to avoid drunks and liars as well, since I really don't have the patience for them. Finally, although I initially read the above line of letters as life is no where, it is not how I truly feel. I like to live my life so that I am experiencing the now. Life is way too short to live in the past, and I find I am happiest when I am working towards a better tomorrow. There is a quote I read once that I honestly try to live by. That is: "Be the change you want to see in the world." Now, although I'd like to see many changes in the world, I am realistic. I won't be able to change the entire world, but I should be able to have an impact on my immediate surroundings. Thus, I focus on making things better around me. I like to help out people when I can and I try not to harm anyone around me, if they are not hurting me. Peace over power. In general, I see my world as a happy place, filled with opportunity. That type of attitude makes me happy. I am happy as long as I actually work towards bringing those opportunities about. How do you see the world? Do you take steps to be the type of change you want to see in the world? Because, in the end, life really is how you look at it! Meld it into your vision.
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"What makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven.” That's a quote by Chuck Palahniuk. So who is Chuck? He is the author of the book "Fight Club". Although I have not read the book, I have seen the movie. (God it felt horrible saying THAT!!!) I guess I will have to put it on my list of things to read, since I did enjoy the movie, and oftentimes I enjoy the books more than the movies. I must admit, I like Chuck's quote. I have always felt that false expectations always works to make things seem worse than they actually are. Sometimes I go to movies with very high expectations and I end up disappointed... even if the movie isn't bad, but just mediocre. Meanwhile, I have also gone to films where I entered with little to no expectations and left the theater happy that I went! Buddha had a number of great quotes about expectations. I'll list a few below, then continue on with my thoughts. "Serenity comes when you trade expectations for acceptance." "The root of suffering is attachment." "Do not dwell on the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." "Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." "When we do not expect anything, we can be ourselves." That last quote may not be by Buddha. I believe I have heard it somewhere before. But for right now, we'll give it to Buddha since it seems like something he would say! It seems to be a recurring theme with Buddha that all troubles seem to start when we set expectations. Even worse than having expectations about things, we sometimes set expectations for ourselves.
Unfortunately, I like to do this. They are not expectations per se, but goals. I definitely like to set goals for myself and then strive to reach them. It is a way for me to focus my energy and use it towards creating a favorable outcome. While I do not always reach my "goals" right away, I can note progress towards them over time. Sometimes, I will change my goals due to changes in my life.When I do this, I do not feel like I am in hell. It is usually because I realized that there was either a better way of accomplishing my goal, or there was a better goal available. Now with all of that said, I will admit that I had a period in my life that I considered hell. Expectations did lead to some of it. When I was younger, I always expected that my wife would outlive me. She was ten years younger than me and given the mortality table, I was reasonably confident that she would survive me. That wasn't the case, however. She died three years ago. Although her mental illness took her away from our family three years before that. For the past seven years I have been raising my daughters on my own. My Mom lives with us now, and she is a great help, but I raise the girls as I see fit. At any rate, I think you can see where my hell was coming from. My expectations led me to have all of my plans tied to my wife being alive and with us. My business was based out of my home, and I had banked on my wife being there to help raise the children. For three years, there was only me to do that. Me, a single Dad with a newborn baby, a seven-year-old little girl, and a mentally ill wife who still needed my love and understanding... even though she could no longer live with us. To make a long story short, it is amazing that we survived that time as well as we did. I never want to have to relive those circumstances. Long-time readers of this blog, likely know some of our trials. There are some things I will never talk about though. Those are parts of my own personal hell. Once again, I have expectations for myself and my family. Am I setting myself up for further hellish times? I don't think so. I try to listen to Buddha, and keep my expectations low. I do aim high with my goals, though, and work diligently to make those happen. Are those expectations? No, they are goals, and they help to give my life meaning. In the end, keep your expectations low and set your goals high... and diligently work towards them. Hopefully, this strategy will let you walk the thin line between heaven and hell and allow you to survive. While there may not be a heaven on earth, there certainly doesn't have to be a hell either. God bless! "Alter your life by altering your thinking" This is a bastardized quote by William James. James was an early psychologist and a philosopher. Sounds like my kind of guy! He was one of the first teachers of psychology in the United States. He taught at Harvard from 1873 - 1907, but only part of those years were devoted to psychology. He was a strong proponent of functionalism in psychology and pragmatism in philosophy.
I like his quote because it is both simple and true. Before you can make any lasting changes in your life, you need to change your way of thinking. There are two ways that your thinking can change.
The first way I call the "Shit Happens" way of changing your life. These happen to all of us, whether we want them to or not. A good example of this type of change in thinking happens when you age. When you were younger, you may have liked to spend your day running. As you aged, you grew tired more easily and now you only run two times a week to stay in shape. Another example might be that when you were younger you really wanted to be an archaeologist. Yet your first job had nothing to do with archaeology and you just stayed within the industry you started in and are now stuck doing a job that, while you are good at it, bores the hell out of you! The second way of changing your life is more meaningful, in my opinion. This is when you consciously decide that something needs to change in your life and you actually take steps to change it. There are two important parts to this type of change. First, you need to actually think that a change is necessary, but more importantly, you need to act on those thoughts! Alter your thinking and you will alter your life! Te key is you really have to think differently though, starting with the thought that I must act on my thoughts for them to have any chance of changing my life. This is true for both the most minor changes as well as the monumental ones. Do you find yourself unhappy because your friends are? Every once in a while this is okay, since no one's life is always perfect, but if you find that certain friends are always bringing you down because they are never happy, then you need to consciously make an effort to avoid them for a while! Look, it can be hard enough to remain happy when it is just your own emotions assaulting you. If someone else is constantly whining and depressed, it can affect all of your relationships. In those cases, it is best to take a step back and allow that other person to be miserable on their own. Remember, misery loves company. Let them find someone else who is miserable to commiserate with. If you find yourself thinking that that person is impacting your mood, then you need to pair up that thought with an action! Talk to that person. Tell them that you would prefer they put away their troubles when they are around you and enjoy themselves. If you find they cannot do that, then it is up to you to take action and distance yourself from them for a little while. Your happiness might depend on it! I think action is the key missing ingredient in the quote above. You can alter your thinking about everything, and it won't make a difference unless you take the logical action to go along with your change in thinking. Change your thinking, change your actions, and then inevitably, it will change your life. Not all actions will lead to big changes, so make sure that you set your expectations accordingly. Giving up one slice of pizza when you normally eat ten, won't lead to you losing weight. Eating one slice instead of ten always... might. In other words, make sure to have your actions match your expectations ahead of time so that you don't end up disappointed with your results. "If you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self." This is a quote by Napoleon Hill. Hill was one of the first self-help gurus and the author of "Think & Grow Rich". I like the quote above because it is true.
One of our harshest critics is ourselves. There are so many reasons that people feel insecure. For some, it is their looks. For others, it may be their intelligence or how they think they are perceived. None of these things really matter though! What matters is what we think. If we think our looks are going to hold us back, then they will. We will make sure of it. If we think we are dumb, then inevitably we will do something to reinforce this feeling within ourselves. I believe, to be happy in life and be successful, no matter what your definition of success is, we need to first conquer our own self doubts. Self doubts can sabotage nearly anything that you want to do, even if the doubts you have are not directly tied to what it is you are trying to achieve! For example, let's say you want to start your own business. You may have a great idea for a business and all of the drive necessary to get it off the ground. Even so, you believe in your heart that people won't want to buy things from you because you are fat. Over time, you begin to focus so much about what people think about your weight, that you fail to focus on how to present your product. You begin to avoid instances where you need to be in front of a potential customer. Eventually, your business fails and you say to yourself, see I told you that you were too fat. Try to lose some weight first next time! So yes, the business failed. Unfortunately, it had nothing to do with you being overweight. Instead it had everything to do with how you acted because of your beliefs. The example I used above is a little far fetched. And yet, it isn't really. Now picture the above scenario and instead replace the "too fat to be successful" example with your own fear. How would your fear impact the result? I hate to speak to people because they will think I am stupid. I don't want to go out and ask people what they think unless my friends are with me because I am too shy. I don't want to help that customer with their problem because I may not be smart enough to give them what they need. As I said, replace the example with your own internal fear. What would happen? How would you react? Does your internal voice stop you from making rational decisions or from taking decisive actions? If so, then you need to conquer yourself first! Remember, that no one is perfect. Robin Williams, a comic that made thousands of people laugh and was well liked by millions, constantly fought depression. Many other Hollywood stars or rock musicians also battled depression. They could not see their own self worth, or what others valued in them. My wife had a similar problem. She constantly battled her inner demons. Because she set such a high standard on her looks, she battled two eating disorders. When they strains from the disorders got too great, she would drink to self medicate. The constant alcohol use took a toll on both her mind and her body. Three years ago, she drank herself to death. The best way to fight your inner demons is to recognize your inner fear, and then do what needs to be done anyway. If someone won't buy from me because they think I am fat, and yet they need the product I have anyway, then that is them not being rational, not me! If I say something, to help someone make a decision and they think I am weird, then so be it! None of those things are going to kill me! How I react to those things, may kill me though. Before you go to conquer the world, first be sure to conquer your own self doubts. It is likely the hardest battle that any of us will ever have to face alone. The quote above is one of my own- though I'm not sure if it's ever been used elsewhere online before and quite frankly, I am too lazy to go search for it. In any case, in the context it'll be used in in this post, it's my own quote.
I wanted to make this post a positive one, because lately- so many of my friends have been so damn depressed. It's awful, honestly... I can't believe it. There's so much sadness in the world as it is without letting small things impact you and weigh you down. From regret to worry, these trivial things are controlling my friends' lives for no other reason than they don't know how to move on and realize that the past can't be altered! I really do believe that knowing that is a key to life. Once you realize the past can't be changed, you can learn to live without regret- and honestly, I think that removes a lot of stress from a person. Worry can't change the future, and regret cannot change the past. Both of those emotions are pure negativity and they aren't productive in any way- all they do is cause trauma, stress, and weigh you down to make you feel like you're wrong about everything. I don't know about you, but that sounds like no way to live life in my opinion. To get back to the title of my post- when I say make your own day and don't let it make you, I mean that only you have control of how you choose to perceive and react to your day. While not every day will be a good one, there is always a way to make the best of things. The world could be falling apart around me (which it essentially is, what with all the shit going on surrounding war) and I could still find a reason to smile- even if it was just admiring the sky. There's always happiness. You need to identify it, and then search for it. -- Maddie "Good habits formed at youth make all the difference." That's a quote by Aristotle. If you do not know who he is, then you should stop reading this blog right now and go look him up. I think you will find his thoughts and writing well worth reading!
To get back to his quote, I must say I agree with it 100%. I honestly try to encourage good habits in my daughters now, while they are young, so that they will have a basis for living a good, productive, healthy interesting life. Would you like a couple of examples? Well, for starters, take this blog. Each day, my daughters are supposed to write a post about any topic they like. I want my daughters to be able to write well, and to be able to express themselves on any topic that they would like. Wishing this for my daughters is not enough. They need to practice this skill while they are young, so that it can come naturally for them later on. Let's face it, nearly every high-paying job out there has some writing involved with it. Lawyers, doctors, engineers, analysts, TV personalities or politicians all need to have the ability to write AND be understood. Entrepreneurs also need to be able to write. Whether it is for marketing, new proposals, or even just for thank you letters to an important client. Having a child write a little something every day just makes a lot of sense! Practicing karate is another thing that I have tried to make a habit for my girls. Training in the martial arts helps kids in so many ways. To start, the training helps them to develop physically, mentally and socially. The workouts are designed to help them to develop strength and stamina. Moreover, large motor skills, such as kicking and punching aid in the development of coordination and balance. Our school has five rules that both the adults and the children are expected to follow. In a nutshell, these are: Effort, Etiquette, Sincerity, Character, and Self Control. I am not going to go into detail about them here. (If anyone is interested, I wrote an article on the Bushido Code. You can read it here, although I used it for a marketing piece for my business at that time.) Suffice it to say that these rules help to develop self-discipline and confidence. I have also found that my daughters' attention spans have increased and their listening skills have improved. Both of my daughters started training at the age of three. Madison, my oldest daughter, is now a second-degree black belt. Training has become a way of life for her. It is a part of her. Ashleigh, is now a purple belt. She is participating in her first full tournament season this year. So far, she has won two trophies. She is optimistic that she will win more trophies this weekend. She has been practicing hard at the dojo and at home. Regardless how she does, I am proud of her. The girls also cultivate their own habits over time. I try to encourage there interest in the things they choose as well. If you have kids, cultivate good habits in them now. As a parent, it is our job to teach them. It is not the school's job... it is yours. Happiness is a habit. Teach your children to develop that habit. Healthy habits help to lead to a happy life. Help your children to develop habits that will serve them well for a lifetime. "You are never too old to set another goal, or to dream a new dream." That's a quote by C.S. Lewis. If you haven't heard of old Clive, then it's likely that you at least know one of his greatest works, The Chronicles of Narnia. He was also an Oxford professor, whose best friend was J.R.R. Tolkien.
Anyway, I saw his quote and I knew I had to write about it. You see, his quote is the way I try to live my life! I want to be active my entire life, and the best way to do that is to set goals. I try not to let my age stand in my way from doing anything I want to do. I may have to modify my technique a little bit, but I firmly believe that any goal is achievable if you put enough effort into it. Here are some examples: Iva Barr is 88 years old. This year, for the 35th-consecutive year, she will be running in the London Marathon. In fact, she ran in the first London Marathon ever held, way back in 1981! Want another example? How about Harriette Thompson? She is the oldest person to ever complete a marathon. She ran in the Rock N Roll San Diego Marathon last year. She finished the race in 7 hours and 24 minutes. She is 92. Age didn't stop them from doing what they wanted to do. Nope! They made plans and carried them out, and achieved their goals. There are two types of people in the world. Those that make do, and those that make excuses. When I go to meet my maker, I don't want there to be any excuses! I also don't want there to be any more regrets. If I want to do something, I find a way to do it. And that's it. I don't care if it takes years of practice, or great physical or mental effort. I set the goal, and then look for ways to accomplish it. Here are two examples. I have always wanted to do a head-high spinning back kick (since I joined karate anyway). I think they look cool and are the type of attack that will catch an opponent off guard. The problem was that I did not have the balance, speed or flexibility to do the kick. A few months ago, I started to practice the kick before the Little Ninjas class I help to teach on Mondays and Thursdays. Before each class, I would practice both spinning kicks and sidekicks on the large free-standing bag at the dojo. At first, I was happy if I could hit the bag a solid shot. The more I practiced, the higher I would try to bring my kicks. At this point I can land a spinning back kick at head level whenever I like. Not only that, but I can also land straight kicks, sidekicks and crescent kicks at that same head level. You see, by practicing for accuracy and flexibility, I improved all of my kicks. After achieving the proper height, I started practicing landing the kicks at that height but with full power. I can now knock the bag over with a spinning back kick on demand. The first time I achieved it, I kicked so hard I pulled my hamstring. I kept practicing anyway, and I am proud to say I can knock it over without hurting myself at all. It was around that time that Shihan told me that Hanshi could knock that same bag over with a punch. For those of you who don't know Hanshi Larry Sullivan, he is 62 years old and is in terrific shape. Hanshi means highest rank, and this man deserves the title and all of the respect it entails. In my opinion. Hanshi is in better shape than anyone who takes his classes. He has professional fighters that he trains that cannot beat him in a match. But I digress, when I heard that he could do that, I wanted to be able to do it too. This is a large heavy bag folks, and most people cannot knock it over with a kick, let alone a punch. Well, I started to punch the bag as hard as I could. At first, I could only make the bag tilt, but not fall over. I kept trying though, and eventually I got it! I have knocked it over with a single punch on three occasions now. I still can't knock it over every time I punch it yet, but I eventually want to be able to do it at will. Although none of these goals will ever have a monetary reward for me, they do give me a deep sense of satisfaction. Looking ahead, I am now training to do better deep long-hold push ups. Usually, when I do push ups I do them quickly and do what amounts to either a half or two-third push up. They are quicker and easier when you are facing hundreds of push ups. Lately, Hanshi has been working us on deep. all the way push ups that we then hold for about 30 seconds. In other words, think of dropping downwards to do your push up, and then stop with your chest about 1 inch above the floor and then hold it there like that for 30 seconds. Let me tell you, those types of push ups are brutal! The other day, I made the mistake of mentioning that I hated those push ups. That is the quickest way, in my opinion, of saying that you need help with something. Hanshi was only happy to oblige, and now we are doing some of those types of push ups in many of the classes I go to. I am now up to doing six of those (after doing a full set of normal push ups). My goal is to get to where I can do a full set of 25 of that type of push up. Who cares that I am fifty! A couple of those deep push ups each night before bed will help me to achieve my goal. At this point, I am thinking I will be able to do it by Christmas. Yikes! At any rate, do not let your age be the deciding factor in what you do or do not want to do. If it is not impossible, you can achieve it, if you want it bad enough and you are willing to work towards doing it every day. You are only here once, folks. Make the most of it! This quote is possibly one of the best I have come across in a long while... and recently; I've come to find more appreciation for it. As I've been slowly getting older (odd to be hearing from a 14 year old, but hey, we age too) I've been finding more and more reasons why silence is better than talking, and that isolation can sometimes be a lot better than being social. For one, my house is constantly noisy due to my little sister being young; so any moment of pure silence and relaxation is much appreciated. My house in general is loud- my family do not hesitate to make noise; be it with loud music, cooking, cleaning, yelling, talking, phone calls, or anything else.
-side note- The quietest times for me are often in the very early morning, before anyone else is awake. I usually make myself a cup of tea and watch the sun rise; before doing a little work and then resting on the couch. - In any case; that was NOT the point of this post! What I'd like to point out is the fact that too many people open their mouth to spread hate, negativity, and worry nowadays. I hear it and see it almost everywhere; online and in reality, and it sucks. In my opinion, life is too short and life after death isn't guaranteed. We were all placed on this one planet to get along and coincide; and instead, we go to war with each other. We're so desperate to learn about the life on other planets; when we can't even accept those of our own kind who are slightly different. It's ridiculous how hateful we, as humans, can be towards each other and it's really un-necessary. This being said, I think all of us can do with a bit of silence for once. We become so angry, so willing to antagonize others in the heat of the moment, and it's awful. So I have a challenge for my readers; as a way to calm down and be happier. This challenge may be a bit big, but I want you to try and at the end of next week, leave me a comment telling me about your experience. Here goes! I wants you to: - take at least one relaxing, long bath. - make yourself a cup of green tea every morning. - find 30 minutes every day to sit and meditate. - take at least 15 minutes every day outside in a secluded area, enjoying nature. - refrain from saying negative things to others. - if angered, take deep breaths until calm. - don't speak unless what you are about to say has some sense of positivity in it. There's too much hate in the world. Let's beat it back a little. Good luck, good night, and treasure the silence. - Maddie I really believe this quote is truthful. I agree with it 100%. Whatever stresses you out the most (or matters the most to you, I guess) is the defining bit of your life that shows what will trigger your emotions; whether happy, sad, anxious, whatever. And if you observe people long enough... you can figure out what it is that consumes their mind and makes their lives either a misery or a peaceful calm. For myself? I'd have to say that I spend a lot of time thinking about my friends and how to help them. That's how I am; I am very empathetic and I like helping others because in a way, it brings down my stress levels too.
But enough about me. Let's examine YOU, reader. When you get happy, what is often the cause of it? Are those around you happy? Did you just receive a new item? Did you just take a long walk and see a gorgeous sight? Did you get promoted at work? Did you hear your favorite song on the radio? What was it? Was it something little, or something big? Something that can happen every day; or something that takes time to come around? How we value what makes us happy ultimately defines how happy we will be; and while we can talk the talk and say we appreciate the little things... we need to sit back and see if we actually do. Now forget about the happiness, let's talk about anger. What pisses you off? When something doesn't go your way? When your car breaks down? When a bad song comes on the radio? When you're behind on work? When those around you are in negative moods? What. Is. It? Because the same thing that applied to happiness... applies to anger, too. These questions can be re-applied, in fact, to any emotion in your range. I find that they really help reveal what your mind centers on. Give it a try. Find yourself. I dare you. - Maddie I love this quote so much. It's so truthful too... I think the point that the person was trying to say is that the only limitations we have in our lives are the ones we set for ourselves. Sadly; most of us limit ourselves in our thoughts and words. My dad constantly tells me that words have power; and that how you think affects how you live. If any of you have actually read his posts; you'd know this too. I really agree with him on this. Your thoughts control you; more than you'd know... they become your beliefs and those shape your character. As said by Lao Tzu:
“Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.” I see so many go through life dragging themselves down through their self-given opinions; stating that they are ugly when they are beautiful; or shy when they are outgoing. Their belief of themselves changes how they act and who they are; and thus by them believing it's true; everyone around them begins to believe it too. You trick yourself into falsehood. Telling yourself that you cannot do something almost guarantees that you will never do it, unless you change your mindset. Change your thoughts and you can change your life; you really can. I don't know. I didn't want to do a particularly long post on this subject since my dad has written about it before; so here you go; I guess. Just a little food for thought throughout your day. - Maddie “Your mind will be like its habitual thoughts; for the soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.” That's another quote by Marcus Aurelius. This man was truly a genius! I can't think of another person who has said so many intelligent things. Not just on one subject mind you, but on many. Tonight's quote, for instance is spot on! If you habitually think something about yourself, your subconscious is going to believe it and make sure that it becomes reality whether it is true or not. I have met very pretty girls who thought they were ugly and/or worthless. They couldn't see the gift god had given them and they walked around hiding from everyone. They tried to stay out of the way and not draw attention to themselves. In a way what they thought became a self-fulfilling prophecy. They believed themselves to be ugly, and even though they weren't, they acted as if they were and people treated them accordingly. No, people did not tell them that they were ugly... they just didn't go out of their way to speak to them. You see, most people do not judge someone by their looks (at least not totally). Instead, they watch people's actions and listen to what they have to say. The girl I knew shied away from talking with people and moved around the outside edges of groups, never really engaging anyone. Well, once things got going, people would forget she was there and she would end up sitting alone on a couch or chair way off in the corner with a sad look on her face. No one was being mean to her. They were just treating her as she seemed to want to be treated... as if she didn't exist! Now that I am older, I remember people from when I was a kid who were rail thin. They always said, oh I can eat what I like because I just don't gain weight... and they would go on to stuff there face on every type of junk food. Not a good idea. Many of these people are now obese. You see, they led themselves to believe that it was okay to eat as much junk food as they wanted. When their metabolism changed. They gained a lot of weight...and kept the same eating habits. Finally, one last example, and this one is more personal. My wife and I met when she was 23 and I was 33. From early on she always told me that she thought she would die young. She actually said on multiple occasions that she would be dead by the time she was 38. I never really thought too much about it. I always realized that words had power, and I would say that to her. Still, she persisted. Not only did she continue to say that, but she also continued to drink heavily on a daily basis. Doctors told her that if she kept drinking she was going to die, but to no avail. Well, To make a long story short, in August, 2013, my wife died. She was six days past her 38th birthday. Essentially, she drank herself to death. She died in my arms after spending two weeks in an intensive care unit in a coma. Words do have power people...And so do thoughts. If you habitually something or think something, your mind will eventually believe it. So watch what you say...even if you don't mean it, your mind just may believe it!
"Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end." That is a quote by Leonard Nimoy...better known as Mr. Spock! It's great that Nimoy's quote is focused on logic. His portrayal of Spock type cast him as an intelligent person in nearly every other role he played since that time. Whether he was a good guy, or a villain, his characters were always intelligent. One of my favorite non "Star Trek" roles that Nimoy played was as the narrator of the show "In Search Of". In Search Of was a show that focused on the bizarre and unexplained. Nimoy's voice lent a voice of reason to topics that seemed too bizarre to be real. Leonard Nimoy died in February this year, at the age of 83. Although Spock will live on in the hearts and minds of his fans, "Live long and prosper" will never seem to be as meaningful a thing to say now that Nimoy has passed. Rest in peace Leonard, your character portrayal of Spock was likely the introduction to logic for many kids growing up in the sixties and seventies. I know that Spock was a positive role model for many of us.
To get back to the quote, Logic is the beginning of wisdom, because it is a system of reasoning applicable to any branch of study. That's right, logic is a system of thinking. Without it, or something very similar, you can't have wisdom, which is basically understanding or enlightenment. Remember, animals can learn things, but no one truly believes they have wisdom. If you put your hand on a hot stove and get burned, you learn not to do that. If you see an egg cook on a hot stove and then infer that you should not put your hand on it, then you have gained wisdom. Although the difference may seem minor to some, it makes a huge difference to the person who got burned! To me, logic is a tool that allows me to break things down to their barest essence. It is a way of thinking that discards that, which is obviously false and then allows you to look at the remaining possibilities and choose the one that has the highest probability of working. The system then morphs into a series of trials and errors until the correct answer is found or "wisdom" is achieved. I like to teach my daughters to use logic to sway my opinion on matters that concern them. Since Madison has been very young, I have told her that if she can give me a logical reason why I should do something her way versus mine, I would allow her to do the thing her way. In other words, I try to reward her for using logic to sway my opinion rather than just a pure emotional appeal. Sometimes, her case is very logical, and I allow her to change my opinion..even though I sometimes don't agree with what she wants to do. Oftentimes, she cannot find a logical reason to do something her way and then she has to do it my way. I try to lead by example. I can't tell her to use logic to find answers to her problems, if I do not allow a logical argument to sway me away from what I want to do. If my way is also logical, then I try to give sway to the idea that is most logical. If the two ideas are equally logical, than I will usually stay with mine since her argument did not convince me that her way was better. I have yet to start this kind of training with Ashleigh. Once Ashleigh can read a bit better than she can now, I will slowly start to introduce this type of thinking to her. Finally, I believe schools should be designed to teach children how to think. Not just to teach them answers that they do not have to arrive at on their own. I would rather hire a person that knows how to think, than a person who is only book smart. A lack of common sense serves no one. If you are a parent, teach your children how to think for themselves. It is the greatest thing you can do for them as a parent in my opinion. "Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do." This is a quote by John Wooden, an amazing college basketball coach. His teams won the NCAA championship 10 times in a 12-year period, including seven years in a row! To give some perspective, no one else has been able to win it more that two years in a row...in the entire history of the tournament. Although he was a great coach, his players loved him for the life lessons he gave, since a lot of what he taught could be used both on and off the court. The above quote is a great example of his coaching style.
Too many of us let what we can't do stop us from doing what we can. Oftentimes what we mean by can't is "don't want to" or "overwhelmed". While nothing can make you want to do something, sometimes just starting with the right attitude is enough to pull you through. Personally, I find that nothing logical is impossible. It could be improbable or hard, but not impossible. A good example of this is saving money. So many people go through life with little to no savings. And yet these are the same people you see out at Starbucks twice a day or riding about in new cars or ATVs. Their thinking never goes beyond the now. Yet by cutting out one Starbucks coffee per day, they would be able to save at least $1,100 a year! I am sure all of us could live with one less cup of coffee per day! And yet so few people do so. On the flip side, some people get overwhelmed thinking about the size of the task ahead of them that they fail to take even the littlest step towards accomplishing their goal. Remember, even the longest journey starts with a single step! When you have a large task in front of you, break it down into a number of smaller steps. Remember, if something is logical, than it is likely possible... and the best way to achieve the goal is to start with what you already know is possible. So what is it that you want to achieve? So many people just feel so trapped in their current circumstances that they never even stop to think what it is that they actually want. Knowing what you want goes a long way towards making the impossible possible. Find out what you actually want to do, before you call it impossible. Do you want to meet someone new? Then go somewhere where you can meet someone new! Or, better yet, approach and talk t someone that you see in the places you do go. How many of us pass people nearly every day, yet never even give that other person a nod of acknowledgement? I know I do! Oftentimes when I go out I go to the same places. After going to these places a few times, I'll see familiar faces, yet I won't know their names or anything else about them. Instead, I'll make up my own nicknames for them...Smiley, chubby, cutie, grumpy, etc. While I may not want to meet all of them (grumpy quickly comes to mind), what stops me from talking to the rest of them? Particularly since a part of me wants to become more sociable. Meeting these people is certainly possible. Yet in my mind I say impossible. Fear of being thought strange, or of offending someone, or scaring people...general shyness holds me back. Yet by doing the possible, I would defeat those thoughts that my situation was impossible. So, what holds you back from making the "impossible" possible? In what way can I help you to make something impossible for you Possible? Remember, don't ask me to do it for you! Then it would still be impossible for you. But how can I help to make you complete the task that you have ahead of you? If it is logical, then it is likely possible. Examine your dreams. See what parts of your impossibilities are possible...and start from there. And soon you will find that what is logical and you thought impossible, is both possible and probable. It's just how you approach it! "Be the change that you wish to see in the world." That was a quote by Mahatma Gandhi. It is so simple, that you almost want to dismiss it the moment you read it. And yet, Gandhi lived it! The change he was looking for didn't take a moment to occur, it took his whole lifetime and then some. While his quote is simple, it is also truthful. Change usually doesn't happen on its own. It needs some sort of catalyst. If you want change, then there needs to be a catalyst. A single raindrop cannot carve out a limestone cavern. Yet over thousands of years and billions of raindrops, huge caverns can be formed. Although I doubt Gandhi was talking about physical phenomena, the same types of processes are needed in human interactions. If you are not happy with the state of the world today, then you need to take steps to change it. And change occurs only one person at a time. Most people do not have the vision of Gandhi, nor the drive to try and accomplish a goal that will impact an entire country. And yet we all have visions on how the world should be and in particular, how we ourselves interact with the world. On an individual level, we can all make changes that will impact our lives. For example, if you want to weigh less, then eat less junk and exercise more. If you wish to write a book, then make sure to write a little bit each day. Don't ever expect something to happen without a catalyst. Here's another good example. Did you ever meet someone who says they want to meet new people, and yet never varies their schedule? That is me to a "T"! I work from home and only venture out to go to karate. How am I ever going to meet somebody new if I never vary my schedule? Thankfully, meeting somebody new doesn't rank very high on my things to do list. Most of what I want to do involves things around my house or on the internet. Anyway, those are just some examples of why you need catalysts to change anything in your life. What change do I want in my life? I'd like to crank out 2,500 push ups on my birthday in February, and I'd like to weigh in at 200 pounds even. At 200 I would be 25 pounds less than what I weighed in college. Meanwhile 2,500 push ups would equal 50 push ups for each year I have been alive. Hey, not everybody wants to change the world! To accomplish my goals, I need to lose weight and practice my push ups. While I have started on the diet end of things, I still rarely do more than 100 push ups a day. That will not get e to where I want to go in February! To achieve my goal, I will have to change my ways. So will I be the change I want to see in the world? No. But I will achieve a goal that I think is important. When I was younger, I never would have even imagined that I would be thinking of doing 2,500 push ups on my fiftieth birthday. Now, I am not only thinking about it, I am training for it. Be the change that you want to see. "The body achieves what the mind believes." is a bastardized quote from Napoleon Hill. If you don't know him, you should. Napoleon was the author of Think And Grow Rich, one of the best-selling self-help books of all time. In a nutshell, Hill believed in the Golden rule...treat others as you yourself want to be treated. He also believed in a philosophy of achievement. The above quote falls into that belief.
Although it is a short quote, there is a lot of truth in it. If you truly believe that you can achieve something, you will find a way to do it. Be careful, though, this works with both positive and negative thoughts. My wife always said she would be dead by the time she was thirty eight. Six days after her thirty-eighth birthday, she was dead. On a positive note, no matter how bad things got, I always felt I would pull out of my troubles before going bankrupt and return to making good cash. I have to admit, I came really close to going belly up. Every time that I thought I was going under though, something would come along to keep me going. An unexpected windfall, a new client, a job offer. If you want something in your life, believe that you are going to get it. Then make a plan on how you are going to get it. Finally, follow your plan! Take small steps each day to further yourself along the path to your goal. The more you believe, and the more action you take, the quicker you will achieve it. Remember, nothing comes for free. Believe it, plan for it and then work towards it. You will achieve it! Remember, this works for things that impact you only. You can't say I am going to marry that woman (who also happens to be happily married), and actually expect to achieve it. The other person also has free will and their plans and actions would have to be in line with yours to achieve that one. Aside from that, pick realistic goals, and then take the steps to achieve them. I know I must sound like a broken record, but this is one of the most important lessons you can learn. Have a firm belief in yourself and your actions and you will succeed at whatever you put your mind to. "Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected." That little gem was said by Steve Jobs. And he is right. There is a reason that Apple products are so highly regarded. That's because their products are innovative and useful to the consumer...unlike some of the stuff that is for sale out there.
I don't know if its me, but I just don't see quality work any more. A lot of the products on the market today, no matter which product category you look at, seem to be junk. The last three air conditioners I have bought have lasted about two years. None of them worked very well to begin with, and then they just ended up dying. The brands were General Electric and Haier. Granted I gave Haier a try twice since one of them I suspected may have gotten hit by lightning. Still even before they broke, all three of them would have to be shut down at some point due to ice building up on the coils. Okay, so no luck with air conditioners, so what. What bout vacuums. I have hardwood floors throughout my house, so vacuums really don't get a hard workout on the four throw rugs I have. Even so, we go through about one vacuum a year and about five belts for each of them. When I was younger, vacuums worked for ever. We had one for about fifteen years when I was a kid. Now, it's one year tops! Well, maybe I am the only one having a bad time with appliances. So what about food and household products? Has anyone noticed that prices for common food stuffs have skyrocketed in price since we were kids? And when the prices don't go up, the size of the packages get smaller. A perfect example is found in pretzels. Pretzels haven't changed at all in fifty years. Yet the box that cost me $0.50 when I was a kid now cost me $1.39. They are the same pretzels... no improvements. The same size package...yet the price has more than doubled. This is not really a quality problem. At least not with the pretzels. The problem here is with the quality of our currency. The U.S. government (the Federal Reserve actually) has depreciated the dollar so much that prices have risen just to cover the depreciation in our currency. It is disgusting and it needs to stop! But this is a topic for a different blog post entirely. To get back to the quote at the top of the page, I think everyone needs to focus and make their LIVES the yardstick of quality. Do this by making sure that everything you do is done to the best of your abilities. So many people cut corners in their lives and then wonder why they are unhappy. We all have inner pictures of how we are. The more we cheat and take the easy way out, the more our inner picture gets distorted. It must be hard to hold a good self image of yourself if you are constantly lying. It must be hard to picture yourself as a success if you are constantly cutting corners or just saying something is good enough, even though you know in your heart that the job wasn't done properly. Words and thoughts have power. The more you give yourself the opportunity to look down on yourself, the harder it will be to build your self esteem. No one can do this for you. I can tell my daughters I think they are great everyday, but as long as they are doing things that lower their own self worth, they will never benefit from my praise. AND if I praise them about something I know is not true, then I can't honestly build my own self esteem either. I try to encourage my daughters every day. But I will not encourage them about something that isn't true. I might find something else to encourage them about, but I won't encourage them about something that isn't true. In the end, it is up to all of us to deliver quality in our own lives. No matter what I give my daughters, I can't build their self esteem. They have to do that on their own. Only they know how hard they worked on anything or how well something they did really is. To grow, they need to deliver quality. And so do I, if I want to grow as a person. Tonight, think of something you can do tomorrow where you can deliver real quality. When tomorrow comes do it! And do it to the best of your ability. After completing the task, see if you don't feel better about yourself. I know I will! Henry Ford once said "Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young." This is kind of true. I know people my age who act like they are seventy. Always complaining and saying they can't do something because they are too old for this or that. I also know older people who say they are too old to learn something new. I say bullshit to both ideas!
Life is for learning, and challenges are the spice of life. As many of you know, I train in karate. While there are some things I won't do because they are not worth the pain I would get to do them, I try not to say I can't do them. In many cases I can do them, but the pain isn't worth the effort. In some cases, I may not be able to do them right now, but it doesn't stop me from at least attempting them. Last night, for instance, we were doing power push ups. These are push ups designed to use explosive power. One of the push ups involved pushing your entire body off the floor (including your feet) and extending your hands out in front of you. They are called superman push ups because if you do them right, you look like superman flying. So far, I have not been able to do one...but I keep trying. At this point, I can get my entire body off the floor, But I can not extend my hands all the way out and get them back in in time to catch myself on my hands (in other words, I land on my elbows and body (no face plants though!)). Some people would say. I can't do it and give up. But that won't advance my training. In fact, it will hurt it! It is okay to reach a plateau where you cannot do something...it happens all the time. What is not okay, is to not try to surpass that plateau. To be realistic, there will always be some things that I may never be able to do. That doesn't mean I should give up! It just means I need to find a way to work past the challenge. As I get older, I want to attack my challenges, whether they be mental or physical. I believe no one is too old to learn. They may not want to put in the effort, but they are not too old. Currently the oldest college graduate is Leo Plass. Leo got his associates degree at the ripe old age of 99! For a full four-year degree, Nola Ochs graduated from Fort Hays State University at the age of 95. She went on to earn her Masters degree at the age of 98. I don't know about you, but I respect the hell out of that! So you want to get old? Then stop learning, stop trying. Use your age as a crutch. Living is a state of mind and words have power. If you say that you are too old to do this or that, then I can almost guarantee that you will be! And believe me, you can talk yourself into the grave. I've seen it happen. My wife used to say she thought she would die young and would be dead by 38. She died two years ago...six days after her 38th birthday. Words have power. Please watch what you say. "Life is only a reflection of what we allow ourselves to see." I think this is a beautiful quote because of its truth and simplicity. Ever wonder why some people always seem happy, while others are borderline miserable? I honestly believe it is because of what we choose to focus on.
My daughter Ashleigh is a great example of this. Three times this week I have heard her say "This is the best day of my life!" And each time, it was on a different day. Was she exaggerating and just repeating something she had seen on a video? To some extent yes, but at each time she was expressing happiness about something that was going on around her. When you focus on the positive, you have a tendency to see the positive. Positive things don't have to be something large, there are plenty of tiny things going on around us that have the ability to make us happy. Watching a video with Maddie, playing Wizard 101 with Ashleigh, or sharing a cup of coffee with my mother all bring little breaths of fresh air to me. A hard work out, a joke among friends or even a moment alone are all things that I enjoy and that bring me momentary happiness. Too often, we allow other people's problems become our problems. Too often we feel we have to save the world for our friends. What we really need to do is step back and save ourselves. The best way we can do that is to have a kind word for those around us. Listen to others, but don't take on their burdens. Offer a kind word, a smile, a hug. Point out the little joys to them. Celebrate their positives and play down their negatives. Surround yourself with positive people...people who are trying to do good. Avoid those who bring you down. Also, have the wisdom to know the difference. Some people WILL get on your nerves sometimes. You need to be able to look past that and instead look at whether or not that person truly has your best interests in mind when they do get on your nerves. Overall, you are the sum of the twenty people you hang around with the most.If three of those people are happy, and the rest dissatisfied and unhappy, then it is likely you will be unhappy too. There are plenty of happy people out there. Find those people and surround yourself with them. Look for the good, point it out to at least two people you know. Do this over and over, and in time, you too will find happiness. I think the Above quote by William James makes a lot of sense. Although I think it is at least good to examine what could go wrong, I think after accepting the risks, it is better to focus on all that could go right. By that I mean, once you have looked at the risks and found them to be less than the reward, you should focus on all of the positive things you can accomplish by taking the action.
Now, carry this thought over to your entire life. Why focus on all of the negative that is around you when there is so much more positive.Being around someone negative is such a drag. They don't even have to be negative towards you. If they are being negative towards someone else in your presence then they will still sap the strength out of you. If you must say something, why not make it something positive and try to help the situation. It really doesn't take any brains to complain. Here is an exercise to try. Every time you go to say something negative or hurtful, stop and think about something positive you can say. For one week, only say the positive things. Let the negative thoughts recede to the back of your mind. See if this doesn't improve your mood! At the same time, set up an actual sanction that you will have to do if you break the exercise. For example, if you say something negative, you force yourself to write a 3-page paper on positive quotes that you read. For each quote you need to tell what you think it means and how you could add it to your life to improve your disposition. Life is what you make it. Fill your thoughts with the negative, and it will be negative. Fill it with positive, happy things, and it will be that also. The key is that you have to actually try. If each day, you go out of your way to make yourself and those around you happier, you'll soon find that you all will be much happier. I realize positive and happy are two different things, but I really think you need to have a positive attitude to be happy. Negative thoughts lead to unhappiness. Through positive thoughts, there is redemption. That's a quote from Albert Einstein...What a brilliant guy. Some people just don't realize that words have power...including the words you tell yourself! If you have an attitude of disbelief about yourself, then things will rarely work out right.The smallest failures will be magnified in your mind until your outer self matches the inner picture you have already created of yourself in your mind's eye.
Fortunately for us, the same thing will happen with positive affirmations, as long as they have some basis in reality. For instance, I am an introvert, yet most people believe I am a type A extrovert. When I was younger, I always worried that people would think I am strange because I was quiet. Since I didn't want people to think I was shy or weird, I would listen to what was being said, and then try to add to the conversation with my own thought on the subject. If I did not know the topic well, I would instead make a witty comment about something that was said or ask a question to help increase my knowledge on the subject. Soon, I was making conversation easily and I lost the feeling that people would think I was a little off. Am I still an introvert? Yes. I love my alone time and I am still not a big fan of small talk. Still, I like to talk about serious subject matters, and once I get to know people I can do the whole small talk thing too. In fact, when I go to the store or out somewhere I usually go out of my way to make people smile. My secret is is that I usually say something funny to make myself laugh. If someone else laughs too, then that's just a bonus. So what is the best attitude to have? Why a positive attitude of course! If something goes wrong, as they sometimes will, look at it as a learning experience, not as a personal failing. Life is too short to bring yourself down worrying about something that has already happened.The best thing to do is to acknowledge that something went wrong and then take steps to make sure that they don't occur again. If what went wrong hurt someone else, then apologize if it is your fault. Particularly if the relationship with the person you hurt is more important than whether you were right or wrong. It's all about attitude. You can have the right one or the wrong one. Which one is yours? |
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