It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company." George Washington penned that one. And to some extent he had a point. But then I started thinking, who decides who is bad company? If he has met these people and deemed them "bad company" then he is correct. Instead, if he decides not to be around certain people because his friends don't really like them, then he is a fool.
Always decide for yourself who is good or bad company. I have met many people over the years who were not liked by some people. Oftentimes, I find out later that the person in question is quite nice and that the real reason they were not liked by the other was because of something that other person had done that the "bad person" had spoken out against. Everyone has their good and bad qualities. And no one is going to like all of the qualities of all people. Part of being an adult is choosing what qualities are inexcusable and what qualities can be overlooked. For me, I have a simple rule. I want my friends and confidants to be trustworthy. I do not want to have to wonder if they are going to twist my words to either embarrass me or to hurt another person. I also do not want to have to feel that I have to check the silverware after one of my friends leave. Other qualities I look for in my friends is that they have a good sense of humor, and that they are genuinely good people. By this I mean that they are more likely to go out of their way to help someone rather than to hurt them. I do not like drama in my life. Since that is the case, I look to distance myself from those that surround themselves with drama. Now, there is a difference between troubles and drama. A spouse getting sick, or having a car accident or something like that is a trouble. The ones I try to avoid are the people who are always fighting with people, and then either talking bad about them to other people, or constantly writing bad things about them on social media. It is these people I try to avoid. I mean really, life is too short to constantly be pulled into other people's cat fights. When I find that someone is a drama queen, I go out of my way to not get involved. While I may stay friends with them on Facebook, and still talk civilly to them if I run into them, I don't go out of my way to set up outings with them. As Washington said, it is better to be alone than to be in bad company. All said, I try to surround myself with positive people. People who have interests similar to my own, yet also have interests away from mine to add a little spice to our meet ups. Nowadays, I work from home and I do not get out much any more. When I do, I want it to be around positive people. People I can trust and who can make me laugh. Not everyone fits that description. And in turn, I am sure that I do not fit the description for many people either. A single father who doesn't drink or watch TV and could care less about the local sports team may be a tough sell for many. Still, the friends I have I trust completely, and I have many acquaintances who could easily become friends if we just made the time to meet up. This is your life...Choose your friends wisely. What qualities do you look for in your friends? And what do you look to avoid?
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Time? Currently 1:57 AM as I type this. Why am I up so late? Trying to finish as much homework as I possibly can before tomorrow. I had a little leftover from today, and then tomorrow's work on top of that. The reason I'm doing tomorrow's work today is so that I can hang out with one of my best friends tomorrow. We had gotten into a HUGE fight (long story that isn't worth telling) a few months ago over something stupid, and two days ago we made up completely.
Losing our friendship in the cracks of drama and life in general for even those short few months made us both kind of wake up and realize how much we meant to each other, and how much we valued our friendship. I mean, it isn't an exaggeration to say that this girl was and still is literally my best friend... prior to the dumb issue, we had never fought before. She had stayed by my side through everything, had given me hope when I had none and gave me sound advice when I needed it. On top of this, she guarded my secrets as closely as her own and she was a great friend with an AMAZING sense of humor. Unfortunately, our friendship got clouded.. but now it is back to normal and neither of us could be happier. Tomorrow, we have plans to hang out almost all day and just relax, talk, reminisce and bond... which we could use a lot of. However, we picked up talking as though nothing had happened; which felt like the best thing ever. I'm so glad that our friendship was saved because I honestly have no clue what I would do without her. In any case, these were my late night thoughts... quote to match this post? "People say 'you don't know what you have until it's gone'... but that's not true. Truth is; you know exactly what you have. You just think you'll never lose it." ~Maddie On friends-
There are some people in life that make you laugh a little harder, smile a little bigger, and live just a little bit better. Friendship isn't about who you've known the longest, it's about who came and never left. Best friends are people you don't need to talk to every day. You don't need to talk to each other for weeks, but when you do, it's as if you never stopped talking. Best friends are people who make your problems their problems, just so you don't have to go through them alone... if you have good friends, you have everything. On sadness- Just because I smile, doesn't mean I am happy. Because one smile can hide a thousand tears... and behind every smile, there is sadness. Sadness touches everyone, even those who shouldn't be sad at all. But the word 'happiness' would lose its meaning if not balanced out by sadness. Be strong, because things will get better. It may be stormy now; but it never rains forever. Pain is temporary- It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year- but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever. Don't let your struggle become your identity. On happiness- Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like and celebrating it for what it is. Surround yourself with those who make you happy. Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy. Be happy... not because everything is good, but because you can see the good in everything. And whatever you decide to do, make sure that it makes you happy. Ah, I think I should mention now that all of the above paragraphs consist entirely of quotes. This was an exercise my dad gave me to see if I could make different paragraphs on different subjects using JUST quotes. I think I did pretty frickin' good =) ~Maddie Okay, so on the surface the above quote doesn't seem to make sense. If there was positive, then it wouldn't be a negative event. Not so, something CAN be negative, yet still have some positive aspects. If the negative outweighs the positive, then it is a negative event. Even so, there is likely some positive from the event, and if there is, you should try to see it and profit from it.
A very personal negative event for me was my wife's death. No matter how hard I try, there was more negatives tied to that event than positives. While that is definitely true, if I think about it, there were some positive aspects too. Since it is personal, I don't want to get into this example too deeply. Suffice it to say that my daughters were removed from a situation where they were seeing the sufferings from addiction up close and personal. Midnight trips to the police department or hospital, while I tried to help Sharon, have become a thing of the distant past. That is the only example I will use here. Another negative turned positive that I will talk about involved the treachery of a friend when I was younger. On the surface, treachery of any type would seem to be a negative. The long-term repercussions of this one, though, were so positive that in hindsight, it would have been better if it had happened sooner than it did. So what's the story? When I was younger, I had a friend who was very manipulative and self-centered. It was hard to see though. You had to have known him for quite a while and seen it happen in a repetitive manner to notice it really. You see, this guy was always nice and friendly to people while he was with them, but as soon as someone annoyed him, he would work behind the scenes to make sure that person wouldn't hang out with the group as much. He would do it subtlety. To one person in the group, he would start to say negative things about the person, saying that that they had said something bad about the person behind their back. This was not always true. A lot of times the "negative" comment was usually only a part of the full thing that was said, with key pieces of information missing such as a qualification or a context. Next he would set up things to do and conveniently forget to invite the person he was mad at so that everyone who usually hung out together would be there except for the person he was mad at. He would then say he couldn't get in touch with him, or couldn't get an extra ticket or any number of excuses on why that person wasn't there. After a while, once people were enjoying themselves, he would say something like see how fun this is without so and so being here...trying to reinforce that things were better when that other person wasn't around. This went on for a while before I noticed it. Once I saw it though, I noticed that this behavior happened in cycles. For a month or two it would be one person who was getting the treatment. After a while, that person was let back in and another person was getting the shit treatment. All of it seemed to be designed to keep him at the center of the group and give him undue influence over who was in or out at any given moment. Once I figured it out, I started to distance myself from the guy, although that wasn't always possible since most of my friends hung out with him too. All of us had been friends since junior high school. We were all still partying together after college too. The event that changed everything happened soon after I got back from college. A bunch of us would usually get together to go out barhopping on the weekends. We lived at the Jersey shore and the bars were always packed on the weekends. We were in our mid to early twenties. During the week we all hung out together as well, and we often hung out with a group of girls that were slightly younger than us. It was good because while they were all above the age of 18, they were below 21 years old, and couldn't get into the bars. We liked that since we could hang with them during the week, but not have to worry about buying them expensive drinks at the bars on the weekend (all of us were working our first jobs and no one was making lots of money yet). Anyway, one of my friends started dating one of the younger girls, but was keeping it kind of casual. He'd still go out to the bars with us on the weekend, but he wasn't actively hitting on the chicks while we were out. My other friend was back to his old tricks and trying to stir trouble within the group. He let slip to this guy that I was interested in his girl friend, which wasn't really true. I liked one of her friends and was working on her. My friend knew this and told me on the side what the other had said. Well, that made me smile, because the guy stirring up all the trouble had told me earlier that he liked the girl the other was seeing and was calling her later. I kept quiet about the whole thing but just watched to see how this thing was going to play out. Later that night, I saw the sneaky guy get on the phone. Soon after he complained of a headache and said he needed to go home. Now back then, all of the bars had cover charges, so we had all paid to get in. It had been his turn to drive so the rest of us could get drunk without having to worry about DWIs, so we all had to leave when he was going so we could pick up our cars. I suspected what was going on, so I told my friend to hop in my car and that I would drive. Instead of going back to the bar though, I drove around the corner and parked the car so we could see my friend's street. Now just so you know, I am not naming names here for a reason. This all happened long ago, and I am sure the people involved can recognize themselves. I am not certain wives can, though, so I will keep all names out of it. When I stopped the car, my friend turned to me and said, "hey, what the fuck are you doing?" I said "dude, you know so and so has told you I am not really your friend and that I am after your girl." "I am going to show you that not only is that not true, but that he is really the one that you gotta watch out for." "I am cutting ties with him as of tonight. Sit here for twenty minutes or less and let's see what happens. If I am wrong, we'll go to the bar and I'll buy you a couple of rounds for your time. If I'm right, you'll see him for how he truly is." You see, this friend thought this other guy was always on his side, even though nothing could have been further from the truth. In fact, the other had been actively trying to get him out of the group behind his back for months. Well we waited five minutes and sure enough, the other guy's car went by the street and up to the other corner. My friend looked at me and said "okay, what's going on?" I said "If I am right, he is going to your girlfriend's. Well he looked at me in shock and couldn't believe me. I said "Watch." and pulled out to follow the other. When he got to the corner the other guy made a right hand turn and sped off. My friend gave a sigh of relief and said, "See he is going in the opposite direction." I said "The liquor store is in that direction. Let's just go and sit across from your girlfriend's apartment. We sat there for about five minutes before the other guy came walking up the street with a 12-pack in his hand. I will leave that story there. Needless to say, that was the last I spoke with that guy. As far as I know, that was the last that a number of people spoke with him. Many of us always felt that if you couldn't trust your girls around your friends, then they weren't really your friends. As far as I know, anyone who was there that night, never spoke with him again. So to tie it together, what positives came from this? Well, to start, the guy whose girlfriend cheated on him went on to meet another girl who then became his wife. Meanwhile, a negative force left my life and my friendships improved with all of the other people who used to hang out in that group. You see, this guy had multiple negative gossip going around about a number of people. Once that influence was no longer around, everyone got along better. Thus, negative situations CAN have positive outcomes. Just because you may not see them now, doesn't mean they are not there. Only time will tell! "A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds." That is a quote by Saint Basil. I didn't even know there was a Saint Basil until I read his quote. There was more to the quote than this, but I decided to distill it a bit. He was getting a bit wordy.
Sometimes, words aren't necessary. Sometimes, they are. Wisdom comes in knowing the difference. Oftentimes people look at a man and make a judgement from what they see. While it's understandable, sometimes there is rot below the veneer. Other times a battered exterior covers over the spirit of a warrior. If you really want to know a man, or anybody really, watch what they do. Not what they do in front of the person they want to impress, but what they do when they think nobody is watching. A man's private actions never lie. A picture can be photo-shopped, a tale of daring can be exaggerated. What a man does when he thinks he is unobserved is the best way to judge his character. I have met many people over the years. Usually, you don't learn about a person until they let you in...they let you see a little part of their private life. No, I don't mean they friend you on Facebook. That is usually just more phony stuff. I mean that they introduce you to a family member or have you over the house or something like that. Oftentimes, the insights you get into their character will amaze you. Sometimes, when a person has invited me into their lives, I see them looking at me, as if I am going to find them wanting or something. I never find this is the case, though. Insights into someone's true self are almost always interesting to me. In truth, I find no one is really the public persona they try to portray. Tough guys are often very gentle with their children. Needy women are usually strong for their families. What does it mean? We all try, to some extent, to be someone we aren't. No one wants their true selves to be laughed at or mocked. Thus, they put up a phony front hat makes the hit to their self-esteem softer if they are ever confronted. If anyone ever calls you their friend, and then invites you into their lives, I recommend taking up the offer. You'll get to see who they truly are...and you'll be able to tell from their actions who they truly are. There is one exception to this rule though. If the person is interested in you for romantic reasons, then its likely you won't truly get a chance to see who they really are. That will likely take time since they will keep that mask on longer to protect their ego. That's about it for this post. It actually went into a totally different direction that what I originally imagined when I sat down to write this post. This quote... is so true. There is another quote that I find goes hand in hand with this; "You don't know what you have until it's gone". This seems to follow after because you love something as you begin to realize that you miss it... and the feeling completes itself when you lose it all-together. Upsettingly enough... I know this feeling too well. In fact, I have this feeling right now.
I'm currently arguing with one of my best friends; hence the reason I chose this quote. I have SO many other quotes I could add right now to express my emotions but... I don't think it'd do much good. This IS Mountain RANTS, so excuse me if I DO rant. Do you think that friendship is a two-way street? Should a friendship survive if only one person makes an effort to fix things, if only ONE person makes and effort to keep things going while the other sits on the sidelines and watches everything go up in flames? Is that fair? In my eyes... no. Many of my friends tell me to leave this person behind and just drop things; but they honestly don't understand my bond with this person. You don't just walk away and give up on someone you've known for 4 years. Someone you've come to love, trust, and care about deeply. You DON'T do that. You work things through and continue, taking things as they come. The issue that caused this fight wasn't even that important... so there is no way in hell I'm just going to drop a strong friendship. People too often say things without thinking, or speak without knowing the depth or importance of a situation... and it sucks. Because then it just gets people mad at one another for no good reason, which isn't fair either. I think people should keep their noses out of other people's business, PERIOD. And if you don't know ANYTHING about the situation... just stay silent. Don't make it worse. Maddie I want to write this post as a follow-up to what my dad wrote earlier. He wrote about how people you'd never expect CAN change your life... I'd like to write about how some DO change your life, but do so without realizing it. Before I launch into my writing, however, I wanted to share a poem by Sonia Schroeder.
My Special List I have a list of folks I know, all written in a book. And every now and then, I go and take a look. That is when I realize these names are a part, not of the book they're written in, but written in my heart. For each name stands for someone, who has crossed my path sometime. And in that meeting have become the reason and the rhyme. Although it sounds fantastic for me to take this claim, I really am composed of each remembered name. Although you are not aware of any special link, knowing you has shaped my life more than you think. So please don't think my greeting, as just a mere routine. Your name was not forgotten in between. For when I send a greeting that is addressed to you, it is because you're on the list of folks I am indebted to. I love the poem in every way, not ONLY for it's smoothness but for its honesty. Too many people do walk into your life and then become friends with you... and don't realize the impact they have made on your life, either negative OR positive. I've been on both sides of this as the friend that feels unappreciated or doesn't know their level of appreciation, AND as the friend who lets the other know they're appreciated. Confused yet? Let me explain. Type A - The friend who doesn't know how much they mean or how much of a positive impact they've had on someone's life Type B - The friend whose friend made a positive impact on them, but doesn't realize it. One of my friends was once texting me relatively late at night. She'd been having some friend troubles, so I stayed up late to talk things through with her. Now, while I saw her as one of my close friends, I didn't really feel like I was THAT important to her or that I mattered too much. How I got this impression, I'm not quite sure... but suddenly, she interrupted our conversation to say that she was so happy that I was her friend and was extremely grateful that I always took the time to talk with her and share my own experiences to help her. She added that she truly trusted me and felt like she could tell me anything, and I replied I could say the same for her. Wow! I honestly couldn't believe it... but I was very happy. That simple text of honesty made my night. My whole day, in fact. Not enough people take time to let their friends know how much they appreciate them... which can leave some feeling under-appreciated and rather useless. Well, there was my example of being a Type A- but this inspired me to become a Type B. Since I knew how good hearing that had felt, I went to one of my best friends who I feel I don't tell I appreciate a lot and wrote her a similar text expressing my appreciation for her. Her level of happiness was so great that it in turn made me feel good... I guess she felt under-appreciated as well. My point is- sometimes, the smallest thing can make someone's day. You never know how their day has been going- for all you know, you could be saving them from doing something really stupid. I know I've done that to my friends before and they've told me weeks later that I helped them. It never fails to surprise me... moral of the story, always let people know how you feel about them- don't put it off 'til tomorrow, because for some; tomorrow never comes. And your words could actually help them attain that next tomorrow. Maddie Is there any way to excuse the inexcusable? I don't think so. Sometimes things happen that are just not excusable. How do you know what those things are? It's when they still bother you nearly two years after they first happened.
Two years ago, the most horrific thing that ever happened in my life occurred. Friends both near and wide, came to console me. My Mom,sister and brother in law, all came to help out as best they could. Maddie's Godfather, a good friend of mine, drove seven hours from Buffalo to console us. And yet, not a single person from my own family (other than those mentioned) came to share my sorrow. That says a lot. Some were too ill to come... and I honestly understand that. Children with severe allergies, I understand that too. I have a dog and my part of New Hampshire is extremely rural. Neither makes for an ideal setting for children with severe allergies. Some of my extended family didn't find out what happened until after the fact. I understand that also. Sometimes the family grapevine doesn't work efficiently. These people spoke with me after the fact, and I totally understand. It has happened to me in the past as well. The ones that bother me, are the ones that knew, and were healthy, yet did nothing. I have run into these people since that day...and did not mention my feelings. Neither did they. I don't think I ever will. Personally, it isn't worth it. And still, as the anniversary of my wife's death rolls around again, I can't help but feel sadness. Sadness for losing her, sadness for my daughters, growing up without a Mom to share girl things with, and sadness for the hole in my heart where my sense of family used to reside. Excuse the inexcusable? I don't think so. At this point, two years later, I am still trying to just overlook it. I don't think of this stuff every day. In fact, I rarely think of it. But when the anniversary of Sharon's death rolls around, I think of her a lot, and inevitably, my thoughts drift back to the support I received during that time frame. I once read a quote that said "Friends are the new family." While I always thought that that statement was pure claptrap, I was horrified to find that there was likely more truth to that statement than I ever imagined! Excuse the inexcusable? Maybe next year. Oh my gosh... so many people need to read this and NEVER FORGET IT. I cannot tell you how many times I've had stupid arguments with my friends that have just gotten bigger and nastier because one of us refuses to apologize. I hate to be that person... but most of the time, it's my friends who refuse to apologize or just give in. In fact, I often try to apologize as soon as I see that it could permanently hinder our friendship... in fact, I apologize regardless! Often times, my friends will accept the apology and then we go back to being close... but a few times, I've been told to simply "f*ck off" among other things when I apologize.
Like dang! Relax! This quote really says it all- it IS the massive ego that makes it hard to admit that you're wrong. I think that's everyone's issue: they fight and fight and press their case, and then in the middle realize that they're actually quite wrong. This has happened to me a few times, and it sucks... but I admit my fault and apologize and move on. For most, this is impossible- they'd much rather whine and carry on childishly to "solve" their problem. No. This isn't mature... carrying on about pointless rubbish that could have easily been solved by toning down your massive frickin' ego is childish, immature, and stupid; to be honest. No one is going to criticise you for apologizing... it's doing the right thing. No one is going to disrespect you. So please... the next time you fight with a good friend, please think about your FRIENDSHIP and not your gigantic ego. Maddie Oh my gosh. It is getting really late and I apologize so much for this not being done. I was originally going to write about one of my favorite quotes of all time, but I got... distracted... and it has led to a LOT of emotion during the past two to three hours. I fought with one of my best friends yet again over some STUPID issue that really didn't matter and was more due to his lack of understanding of me than anything else.
In any case, we fought and are currently in the process of making up... this fight in particular hurt a LOT more than I think almost any other fight I have had with any of my friends. I'm so thankful that things are turning around. This whole experience has truly put into perspective for me the importance of friendship and the bond that you can have with others... and it makes me thankful for the strong friendship bond that I have with this person. I can be pretty freaking harsh when I get annoyed and even so he still forgave me for it and I appreciate that a lot more than he realizes, I think. I don't mean to hurt, I really don't. I just flip out and I get over-emotional easy; something that actually fits into the female stereo-typical category. To be fair, I wasn't the cause of this argument though... at least I don't think I was... but that doesn't matter. What matters is that it is resolved. I'm so thankful for that. Well... these are my odd collected thoughts for the evening... Thank you for taking the time to read them. Maddie "Grades don't measure intelligence and age doesn't define maturity." I think this is something that everyone needs to remember. The other day I met a woman who doesn't like the fact that her daughter knows someone who is older than her. I couldn't tell this from just chatting with her for the two minutes when I met her. I found this out after the fact when my daughter told me that she was upset that her daughter actually knew someone who was of working age.
Making someone hang out with people only their own age seems very limiting to me, particularly when we are talking about teenagers. People mature differently depending on their experiences. To hold someone back just because of their age is just silly.Now, does that mean I think that a thirteen year old should date someone three or four years older than her? Absolutely not. But to just know the person? I don't think that is a crime. I have news for you people, the only place where age is an issue is within the current school system. In the schools, the grades are cordoned off by age, The date you are born is strictly used to say when you start kindergarten. You are then kept in your grade, regardless of how well you are doing. If you get good grades, they don't move you up to where your intelligence level is, No, they tell you you are doing great and keep you in the same grade as others who may not be learning as quickly. Instead of teaching children to achieve all that they can, they hold back learning for some so that all may progress together. No where else in your life are you going to find anything else like this...unless you work a union job of course! In a union, all are paid the same for the same type of work. If you are twice as productive as the next person, you don't get paid any more and they don't get paid any less. Thus, there is no incentive for people to work harder. In home schooling my children, I try to teach them to do their best and to learn at their own pace. instead of cramming their heads full of facts, I try to teach them to think. Sure, they still get a lot of work that involves facts, the curriculum I try to follow is very heavy in math and writing. I also try to keep them up to date with history and science. For the most part, though, I try to give them a lot of subjects that they are interested in. I want them to be interested in learning new things...and writing about what interests them...not so much me. My daughters each have friends that are older and younger than they are. Although Maddie is thirteen, most of her friends are fifteen and sixteen. She has both male and female friends. Later on in life, She will be exposed to people both younger and older than her. Why should it be any different now? To sum up this rant, my daughters are very intelligent, yet neither one of them has ever received a grade. Many of Maddie's friends think she is sixteen or seventeen, until she tells them her age. To put it in perspective, Maddie is smarter and more mature than some of the adults I know. She no longer plays with toys really, and to force her to choose friends her own age would be doing her a disservice. When she meets someone who has similar interests and they become friends, age is one of the last things on her mind. In fact, one of her most recent friends is about a month younger than she is. They are friends because of what they have in common and because they enjoy each other's company...not because they are the same age. "When people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you, and it doesn't mean they are bad people. It just means that their part in your story is over." Recently, I've had a falling out with one of my friends. She used to be like a sister to me- we were there for each other through everything. We walked with each other in our happy moments and helped each other up in darker patches, as good friends do. We had this close bond for 4 years, almost. This all changed roughly a week ago.
For awhile now, she's been dating a guy who used to be one of my friends, too. We were really close, even as they started dating. Slowly, we began to have problems... not even tied to their relationship, just problems in general. Slowly, these problems grew bigger and bigger and finally, they split us apart. This left him with stung ego and battered feelings towards me, which transcended onto her. She and I had been having arguments over the stupidest crap after that, and these too turned into larger fights. Finally, after nearly a month of it, she blew up at me and one of her other friends. We all used to be extremely close... and she suddenly turned around on us and broke everything off. We tried apologies and we tried to fix things, but all we got was profanity and yelling. It was terrible and was quite honestly one of the worst days I have had in awhile. We got blocked. And we haven't talked or seen each other since. It's rough, losing someone who I held so close to me... I actually cried over it and it threw me into a mild depression that was more than likely influenced by my ability to over-think things and hormone shifts. But now... I've been reading quotes about friendship and this has helped me to realize to not regret the fact that our friendship is over, but appreciate the fact that it happened to begin with. This particular friend managed to help me through some of the roughest patches I have faced in my life and never turned me down when I was in need of help... and I was the same with her. Without meeting her... without her bond... my life may be considerably different. Am I saddened by her sudden departure from my life? Yes, extremely. Losing a friend is hard for everyone. But do I regret that our friendship ever happened? No... with each person you meet in life there is a lesson to be learned, and I learned many in those 4 years of knowing her. It just happened to be her time to leave my life. I wish she would have stayed longer... but everything happens for a reason. If you are reading this- you know who you are. Thank you so much, for everything and anything in my life you managed to change for the better. Maddie Will Smith once said "Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions." I think this sentiment is dead on. While I don't know in what context he was saying this (was it about bad reviews for one of his movies? The opinions of newscasters? Who knows!), I can relate to the statement. For me, three areas where the quote rings true are the news media, popular culture (or lack of it) and social media. Increasingly, I find that I can't open Facebook with out being assaulted by the political and social views of people I barely know. While I have some very close friends that I have linked up with on Facebook, there are also many people who I have linked up with over the years who seem to do nothing but put up links and statements to push their own agendas.
Well, no more! I have gone through my list and stopped following posts from people who put up polarizing posts. The people who remain on my list are those that put up inspiring quotes, pictures of their families and friends and updates about how they are doing, links to funny websites, or quizzes that I can do when I am bored. People I have deleted are drama queens, those who only post things that are politically charged, those that promote lifestyles that are unhealthy, and those who always seem to have only negative things to say. Surprisingly, many people who remain of my feeds list are people I don't speak with often. Sometimes, the quiet ones are the ones that bring the constant rays of light into your life. Meanwhile, some of the most prolific posters have been thrown to the wayside. Good riddance! Sometimes, it's good to get rid of some of the clutter in your life. Surprisingly, it can sometimes be found in the people you surround yourself with. Are you unhappy? Look at the people around you. Are there any that constantly wreak havoc on your emotions? Then it may be time to distance yourself from them for a little while. See if your outlook doesn't improve. I got rid of the feeds from people who post divisive things only a few minutes ago and I already feel better. I try to do these purges every few months. If you still get the occasional likes from me, then you are still on my list! It's hard to be happy when you are indifferent. You may be wondering, "who was the Einstein who came up with that quote?" Well, it was me! Ever hear anyone say "I don't care" about nearly everything? That's a person who clearly isn't happy and is giving themselves little chance of being happy. Happiness comes from passion. It doesn't have to be passion about a particular person, but just passion in general. In my house, many of us believe it is best to find happiness in the little things, because big things happen infrequently and it is better to find happiness more often than less. You may ask, "but if you are unhappy, how can you find happiness in little things?" The answer to that is to have passion! Get excited about what you are doing, or what you have to do that's in front of you. Develop a sense of excitement about everything you do...and with everyone you do them with. Have you ever been around someone who is truly excited about what they are doing? It's contagious isn't it? I love when someone is excited about what we are doing. It fuels my own excitement. Meanwhile, how do you feel when someone you are with sits around bored with your presence and buries their nose in their phone all day? Why bother to spend your time with them? They obviously don't care if you are there or not. In fact, they become a burden to you, since you feel you always need to compete with their phone for their attention. Who needs that! Do you want to develop passion? Then shut off the electronics and actually spend time with the people who want to hang out with you AND are willing to make the effort to do it. It is easy to listen to idiots who say "Family isn't always blood. It's the ppl in your life who want you in theirs. The ones who ACCEPT YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE." Phonies want you to believe this so that they can continue to just talk to you over Facebook and never have to really deal with you or your wants. It is so much easier for them to just send out a general twitter to all or post a comment to make you feel like they are there for you. My suggestion: Send that person a PM back and tell them you would really like to hang out with them. See what kind of answer they give you. I bet it will look something like this: Same thing for people you meet online that you never meet in person. It is easy to say "I'll be there for you" when they have never even met you. Try to set up a get together with them. Those who are "true friends will find the time to meet with you. Even if it may be a little difficult. They may invite you out to an event too. Be open to it! Those who won't meet with you no matter how many times you ask, are not your friends. Those that try to get together with you are.
With that said, don't be fooled because a band puts up a stupid quote and wants you to feel at one with them. Don't be fooled by people who say they will always be there for you, when they have never even tried to hang out. Instead, develop passion for the things that you do and your plans and see who will join you. Passion drives happiness. Not just for you, but for those around you who choose to see the world the way you do. Don't despair! Don't be indifferent! There is a whole world around you, And plenty of people to share it with. Develop a passion! Be open about it, and see who wants to join you in happiness. Remember, it's the little things that will drive your happiness...But it can also help to drive happiness in the people around you. Today as I scrolled through Facebook, I came across an interesting post that one of my aunts had shared. I found it to be very true and also good advice for many, and I'd like to share it here.
"A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz. She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything." Remember to put the glass down." I think this is great. It's an awesome metaphor... and it gives good advice that I think a lot of my friends should follow (hence why I tagged about 15 of them in the comments of the post). Too often, we stress out over the smallest things... and then let the small problems build up and lead into big problems. Big problems tend to cause even more stress, which can lead to longer lasting problems such as depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, migraines and even premature heart attacks. For example... my grandma lets herself get worked up over small and insignificant things. If I leave one piece of laundry on the floor of my room, she flips. If the house doesn't get vacuumed to her standards every week, she gets into a bad mood. These things are so small and so easily fixed, yet she lets them determine her mood for the rest of the day. I often say to pay attention to the little things in life... but I don't mean the little things to make you miserable! If you set large things as what determines if you are happy or not, you are going to lead a sad life. In the end, it all winds down to you and the choices you make. You can wake up in the morning every day and choose to be happy, or choose to be grumpy... which do you choose? I am happy... and I am also happy with my choice. Maddie Today, my Dad and I took a long trip to Manchester and on the way had a very... detailed talk about making choices. I love the fact that I can talk to him openly about everything, and he will give me good advice and tips. Our talk today was enlightening, but for the sake of privacy I'd rather not add insight to it. Instead, I've found 3 quotes that pertain to what we were talking about that I find quite inspiring and I'd like to share them with you.
Today, my best friend of 7 years graduated middle school... meaning next year, she's going to be in her first year of high school. Now, this isn't anything too new for me; I have many friends who are already in high school and I get along with them fine if not better than people my own age. However, this was different for me... I have known this girl since we were both little and we have essentially grown up together. It's crazy how fast time moves... it seems that just yesterday she and I were 7 and 8 year olds running around on the dojo mat after karate class.
We've been through a lot together... we've supported and celebrated with each other during our best moments, and cried on each others' shoulders during our darker periods. Through it all, we've had our arguments but they've only brought us closer together as friends. I am proud to call her my best friend and I am so happy for her. In another four years, it'll be high school graduation... and after that, hopefully college for both of us. This graduation was also a farewell to St. Patrick's school, which is closing tomorrow... my friends (Sarina, Nicky, and Alena) were the last graduating class from the school. So in a way... this post, while short, is a goodbye to the school and also a congratulations to them. I'm gonna end this here, because I don't have much else to say... just congrats and also thank you for staying my best friend and one of my closest companions for all this time <3 Maddie Well, here is a statement that should be obvious to everyone. If you are bored, do something else! I'll say it again: DO SOMETHING ELSE!!!
The above rant is targeted to one of my lovely daughters, who came into my office earlier and complained she had nothing to do. Today was day two of MAPS testing for home schooled children. To be nice, I cut her school work down to just writing her blogs. Well, it seems that may have been a bad idea. She came in complaining of nothing to do...Even though her grandmother had kindly offered to take her to the mall. When I pointed this out to her, she said, she knew, but she wanted to be able to talk with her friends. Her friends mainly live in New Ipswich, and it seems that none of their families have cars. Thus, they sit around and text all day. Well, my daughter wanted to communicate with them, but she was bored with it as well. Thank God she decided to go to the mall with Grandma. She came home energized and happy because she had found a new outfit. Sometimes, you need to step out and do things on your own and not wait for confirmation from your friends. I can tell you from experience, they are not waiting around all day in front of their computer for you. If you are on great...if you are not, well not the end of the world, there is always someone else to chat with or other things to do! Life is for living...not for waiting around for others to validate your choices. If you find you are getting bored sitting around waiting for someone else to do something, then you are destined to live a very boring life! Seize the opportunities that are thrown your way. Talk about your experiences. You'll soon find that others will want to join you on your adventures. Looking ahead, talk to your friends about the future, not the past. Make plans for the future, then move on and do something else. If you set plans with someone every time you get on your messaging device, you will soon find you have lots to do with lots of different people. Set things up for at least one week in advance. That way everyone has time to make plans for rides etc. Do this now, and you will find that within a week, you'll always have stuff to do. Oh, and keep your texting sessions short. Make people look forward to talking to you. If you are always on and talk to them for hours, they have no incentive to meet up with you. One final thought. When you do meet up with someone, always find something glowing to talk about about them with your other friends. Never talk negatively about the person. After all, they did take the time to meet up with you! The more nice things people hear you say about others that do hang out with you, the more they will want to hang out with you as well to hear what you will have to say about them. Remember, no one likes a gossip! They like to hear positive things about themselves! In turn, they will look forward to hanging with you and see what good you see in them! Got that Munchkin? Give it a try and see if you find you are less bored in the future. I bet you'll find your life will become more exciting because of it. Of course, if you are still bored, I can always find more school work for you to do. Happy Day! Last night, after writing my post I hopped onto Facebook and looked up an old friend. A mutual friend of ours had told me that he had a Facebook page and had recently friended him. So I looked him up, and sure enough, there he was. I sent him a friend request and then looked through his friends list to see if there was anyone else I knew there to friend. Sure enough, I saw another old friend who was married to another friend of mine on the list and I quickly sent her a friend request as well. (Note, I will not mention names here. I do not know how people would feel if their names show up on a blog, so I will try and keep them anonymous)
Today, both of them contacted me and we had a pleasant chat on the message board. Its amazing how quickly the years pass! One had moved to Florida with his wife since the last time I spoke with him and the other two had had two children since the last time I spoke with them The oldest is nearly twelve years old now, so that tells you how long its been since I have spoken to them. I remember going to their wedding with Sharon when we had first started dating! It's odd how the years can change things. At one point, I had hung out with these friends on a weekly, if not nearly daily basis. We had great times! Then life intervened, new jobs, new relationships, new places to live...It was no one's fault. We all just pursued our own lives and slowly drifted to new areas. Distance, Life. The time we spent today catching up was beautiful to me. The friendship is still there. All of the chatting was about what we were doing now and since the last time I saw them. Not about what we used to do or old "glory days" stories. I am so happy it was like that! True friendships survive in the present, not the past. I am looking forward to talking to my friends again in the future. Will I ever see them again? It's hard to say. Distance still separates us. Our lives have taken different paths, but our friendships remain. Three separate points: Florida, New Jersey, and New Hampshire. At my door, my friends are always welcome. If I am heading to New Jersey or Florida, I will contact them and let them know my schedule. Although the past remains a distant memory, the friendships endure and the future can always hold new memories. God bless, friends. I look forward to keeping up with you more often than once a decade now. Three points on a map, but one unbroken line of friendship. One thing we say in my house that we all know is true is that words have power. And they do! I thought of this quote this morning when an old memory came to me. It was a small inconsequential thing that someone once said to me. She said it to me after spending fifteen minutes telling me how she sometimes just knew things about people.
I am not going to mention who said it to me. We were in high school back then and she had been dating a friend of mine. She and I were just friends. What she told me then must have had an impact on me, because I thought of her this morning and what she said, even though thirty-two years have past since she said it to me, and twenty-five years have passed since I last saw her or spoke to her. Time flies when you're not looking! What my friend said to me way back then was that in the future she saw me doing very well...better than all of our mutual friends (although, she said she didn't see things about everyone so she couldn't be sure if it would be better than all). She said, though that at one point I would lose almost everything, but that in the end, I would battle back and be happy again. She said, that she wasn't telling me this to scare me, or come off as a nut, but just so that I would know... and that everything would be ok. At the time, I didn't think too much of it. In fact, I kind of just brushed it off and forgot about it. I mean, we were in high school still. I wasn't looking forward to anything except the next good time! I thought the conversation was a little strange, but a lot of people I knew were a little strange back then. I hung out with an eclectic mix of people, drinkers, pot smokers and the occasional acid head included. Although I never counted her among those groups, I'd heard stranger things from other people so I didn't think too much about it. Until today. I thought about it just after I got off the phone with the secretary from my lawyer's office. I called her to tell her I got papers from the court about Sharon's probate. Just after I hung up, the memory of that talk in the car thirty plus years ago popped into my mind...and I realized that her prophecy had been fairly accurate. I almost did lose it all! On multiple occasions I was near the end of my finances, but something would come along to keep me out of destitution. At one point my family unit had fractured. I lost my wife, my business, my retirement money... almost my home! But I never lost it all. My daughters were always with me throughout. My sister, my Mom, my Dad, all stood by me and did what they could to help. And I turned it around...just like she had prophesied so long ago. Although most of my wealth has now dissipated, my daughters are both doing great and I own the house I live in free and clear. I am working for a corporation now, but on my own terms (I work from home). I home school both of my daughters and they are learning the main lessons I am trying to teach them. While life isn't perfect, I get to enjoy watching my daughters grow each and every day. I never expect to see my friend from so long ago ever again. On occasion, I have tried to google her name and look her up on Facebook. No luck. If I ever do get to see her, I am going to remind her what she said to me so long ago...and I am going to thank her. Thank her for caring enough back then to give me a warning...and to finish it with a reassurance that everything was going to be ok. Well, my friend, everything is ok. I hope the years have treated you kindly. And that you have lived the life that you wanted to live. |
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