For all of you regulars, I just wanted to let you know that we all took yesterday off from writing to celebrate my daughter Ashleigh's birthday. She turned six yesterday and she was very excited For those of you who didn't know, I brought Ashleigh home from the hospital alone when she was four days old. She was two weeks premature and underweight. For the first two weeks she had to be fed every half an hour. Amazingly I did it! My wife's illness hit a critical point while she was pregnant with Ashleigh. She spent most of the last two months of her pregnancy in a rehab facility, and wasn't allowed to come home after she gave birth. Let me tell you, I never saw that coming! But, like a good pitcher, every once in a while God will throw you a curve ball! Ashleigh is my little joyful one. Almost every day, you will hear her laughing and talking excitedly. She is always smiling and likes to surprise us with little gifts. She loves to draw, color, take pictures, and make videos. My refrigerator is covered with her pictures. For the past two weeks Ashleigh has been patiently waiting for her birthday. The countdown started in December, but really hit a crescendo in the past ten days. Each day, she would say, "only ten more days to my birthday!" (and counted down each day). To be honest, it was really a celebration weekend for the little one. On Sunday, I took her to a matinee to see "Norm of the North", a movie about a talking polar who goes to New York to save the arctic from an evil condo builder. In the evening, we all bundled into the car to go to Texas Roadhouse for a birthday meal for Ashleigh. It's funny, Ashleigh doesn't like steak, but she wanted to go to Texas Roadhouse anyway because she likes their Mac & Cheese. I really lucked out because I love their steaks...as does Maddie. By Monday, Ashleigh was bursting at the seems for her presents. She got the day off from school as well. Ashleigh spent the day playing games, watching videos, and doing karate. When we left karate, she gave everyone who was still in the sitting area a hug for her birthday. Ashleigh has come a long way in a short time. When she was first born, She was a little over 5 pounds. Now she weighs about 45 pounds. I used to be able to hold her in one hand. Now it takes me both hands just to pick her up. Since she was about a week old she has been coming to the dojo with me. When she turned three, she started her own martial arts training. After three years, she is now a purple belt and is working on her third form, leopard. She is the highest rank in her Little Ninja class. The above is a picture of Ashleigh at her yellow belt test.
Over the past year, Ashleigh has learned to read, and do basic arithmetic. She can both add and subtract up to four-digit numbers. She now writes out by hand most of the posts that she posts on this site. She also types them into the computer herself. I help her with the spelling, and occasionally fix her punctuation. If you would like to wish Ashleigh a belated happy birthday, leave one in the comments. She loves to receive emails and comments on her posts. If you'd like to see some of her schoolwork, go to www.reportsbyashleigh.weebly.com.
0 Comments
"Do not spoil what you have, by desiring what you have not." That's a quote by Epicurus. For those of you who are not up on your ancient Greek philosophers, Epicurus is the founder of a school of philosophy called Epicureanism. For him, the purpose of philosophy was to attain the happy, tranquil life. To have peace, and freedom from fear, and the absence of pain. Sounds like my kind of guy! For those of you with a few minutes to spare, and like a good puzzle, look up the Epicurean paradox. Given its a paradox, it is certain to make you think! Which is a great exercise.
Anyway, back to the quote! Now that you have an idea about what drove Epicurus, you can see where he is coming from with this quote. Oddly enough, there are only a few fragments left from the more than 300 written works attributed to him. In fact, much of what we know of him come from other writers and his followers. I don't know about you, but when I desire something I don't have, it is usually because nothing I have will give me the same utility. I must say that I have never desired something so much that it spoiled for me what I already had. Instead, I usually find that I desire something to enhance what I already have. For many people though, they become obsessed with what they don't have, and therefore fail to enjoy what they do have. I think the best way to avoid this problem is to really know what makes you happy. So many people go through life searching for what will make them happy. They search through the acquisition of consumer goods. I will be much more desirable if I have ripped jeans, therefore I will find someone who loves me for me and be happy. Or, people with nose rings look so cool. If I had a nose ring, I would be considered cool too, and maybe people will accept me for who I am. In both cases, the person wants one thing, but mistakenly thinks that they will get it if they have a particular look or product. Our culture seems to celebrate people who are different, yet many instead want to be different in the same way. Think of tattoos, hair styles, jewelry, clothing, and accessories. How many times do you see people who look different than you, but similar to many other people you see. Are any of them really being different? Or are they just trying to fit in with a particular type of person, while alienating the rest? We look at people, the way they dress, or what they drive, or who they hang out with and we make assumptions about them. Every once in a while, we will get to meet one of these different (different than ourselves, anyway) people and get to view their humanity up close and personal. We get to talk to them in a setting away from "Their" group or "Our" group, and we realize that much of what we usually see is just a facade. Underneath, we are mainly the same. Yes, I realize that there are differences. It is just that the differences don't have to be so great, if we can look past the facade and see the real person underneath. Overall, their wants and needs are similar to ours. For me, I am happiest when I don't care what others think of me. I like to talk to people, and hopefully make them smile or laugh. I like to share my thoughts and knowledge. That is me. Underneath it all, I think that is everybody. We all want acceptance for who we are. So much so for some that they are willing to change who they are to gain acceptance for who they are from others. It is a sad, sad, game that they play. And the shame of it is, that many of them don't even realize that they are playing it. I guess what I am trying to say is, be true to yourself. When you stop trying to chase other people's approval, you will find that you will finally approve of yourself. Some "smart" people will never learn this lesson. Sometimes the most obvious things are the hardest things to see. Well, it's that time of year again! Merry Christmas everyone! Thanks for reading! Today I want to talk about Christmas spirit.
I was looking through my Facebook wall and I noticed a post saying that the person didn't really feel like they had Christmas spirit this year. I couldn't believe the number of people who had left a comment below that post saying they didn't feel it either. Most of the comments spoke about not putting a tree up, or not finishing shopping, or being stressed about shopping. No wonder these people didn't feel the Christmas spirit! These people have forgotten what Christmas is all about! And so has my daughter, Maddie by the way. Christmas isn't about shopping, or putting up a tree or even about a birthday really. To me, it is a celebration of appreciation. We celebrate Christ's birthday because we appreciate what he's done for us. He has died for our sins. In essence, he has given the ultimate gift. He has given his life, so that we can have everlasting life. If he didn't do that, then we likely wouldn't celebrate his birthday so widely. We don't celebrate Buddha's birthday, or Shiva's do we? (I would think that most people don't.) We celebrate Christ's birthday because we appreciate the sacrifice he did for us. We give gifts to each other to symbolize the great gift that he gave us all. So, who do we give gifts to? We give gifts to those we love and/or appreciate. This year, I will be giving gifts to my daughters and immediate family, but I also gave gifts to three people at my work who do the leg work for me when I am in press. I do this because I appreciate all of the hard work they do for me during the year. You may notice the same thing about yourself. For example, if you live in an apartment building, you may give your doorman a gift or a tip at Christmas time. I am certain that you don't give a tip to the doorman to the apartment building across the street. Why? Because you appreciate what your doorman does for you and your building...but you don't really appreciate what that other doorman does do you? My advice to you? Forget about all of the talk about Black Friday and "Holiday Spirit". Instead, focus on what you truly appreciate and look upon Christmas as a time when you can show your appreciation for all that you have to appreciate. As a Christian, I appreciate what Jesus did for me and I celebrate it. I say Merry Christmas as a greeting because I think it sounds nice and it reminds me to be more appreciative. I say it to the cashier at the store because I appreciate the fast courteous transaction we just completed...or because we chit chatted in line and made the transaction go a little bit quicker...or sometimes just to make them smile. When someone smiles at me, it makes me smile...which brightens my day. At Christmas time, try to appreciate those around you. It will make gift buying seem less like a chore and more of what it should be... a show of appreciation. And maybe...just maybe you will truly feel the Christmas spirit. And by the way, just because Christmas is the time of year that we usually show appreciation doesn't mean that it is the only time of year where you should feel appreciation. Actively try to appreciate those around you each and every day and you will feel the Christmas spirit throughout the year. Then, when you go to express those feelings at Christmas, you will have a truly amazing Christmas time. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!! (and yes, I did mean to shout that!) Yesterday I baked my first batch of cookies ever, with my Grandma. We made chocolate
chip cookies for Christmas. Today, we are going to make gingerbread men. I helped to prepare the batter and crack the gees. I like baking with Neema. Ashleigh I have something new. It is a green ball. It has spikes. My friend gave it to me. She
got it at the pizza place. I like my ball very much. Ashleigh
"Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking." That's a quote by Marcus Aurelius. If everything that is attributed to him is actually his, then this man was truly a genius. He is like the Roman version of Confucius...only without the fortune cookies! Okay, so I am getting a little silly there, but I think you get the idea... he was a very wise man!
And I think he is right, happiness does dwell within us. Have you ever noticed that the things that give you lasting happiness can't really be bought? A cup of coffee with a friend, a smile shared between loved ones... holding your daughters' hands. I'd also add hugs from your daughters when they are getting ready to go to bed or leave the house, and of course the hugs that we give when getting up in the morning. Over the years, I have never seen material possesions ever lead to true happiness. Yes, I was a bit satisfied when I got my Z-28 or my Town Car, but that happiness quickly faded, to something akin to, Okay, so now what? Cars get old... they need repairs, they lead to bills. New clothes fade or wear out. Jewelry can only give so much satisfaction. Meanwhile, the memories of my daughters as they learned to walk or to talk are as vibrant today as they were yesterday. Nowadays, I collect moments, not things. In fact, I'd like to say that I still like to hunt for things... just not always buy them when I find them. When my wife was alive, we liked to go antiquing on the weekends. Usually, we had no idea what we wanted...until we saw it. I still have the occasional piece here or there. I still like to explore antique stores and flea markets. But some of the fun is gone now that my wife isn't there to do it with me. My memories remain though, and tht's enough for right now. My favorite pieces are three trunks we bought. Maddie has one on her room, as does Ashleigh. Mine is near the foot of my bed. I don't keep anything special in the trunk... but it still holds memories, and that is more than enough for me. So what makes you happy? I mean truly happy. Time I spend with my family, the views I see daily as I drive around my area, fishing with friends and hiking with my daughters are a few of the things that make me happy. A good steak and a hot cup of coffee are also high on my list. It's the little things in life that matter. Don't waste your life chasing big things. Oftentimes you'll find that the time spent to acquire them wasn't worth the final victory. At least for me that holds true. Moments in time. Memories. These are what bring true happiness. Christmas is my favorite holiday. Santa gives me lots of gifts. We dress up for the holidays. We also bake cookies. My favorite are the gingerbread men.
Ashleigh
I'm currently in the car on the way to karate. I know that lately my blog posts have been written when I'm out and about and have been more about my day than any other topic matter; but honestly... Blogs are whatever happens to be on my mind and usually my days are on my mind.
This obviously won't be posted until later, but right now it is 4:06 pm and it already looks like sunset. The sky is a dark grey, and the rain is falling just enough for the windshield wipers to be necessary. I haven't seen another car the whole time we've been out, and this road is considered to be a busy road. I think this is one of my favorite parts about living in New Hampshire- no matter what time it is, it is peaceful. Quiet. Serene. It's nice sometimes to drive down a road with thick forest on either side of it, with hills and curves winding around the mountain you happen to be driving up. It gives me an appreciation for where I live and how my life is. So often you'll hear of these horrible things in the world- war, bombings, death and crime... And when you go into cities, it's so fast-paced and crowded and quite the opposite of peaceful. I've only been to Boston ONCE when I was little and that was more than enough for me. The atmosphere isn't for me. When I get older, I plan to move further north into Franconia, and live there. It's beautiful there and very laid back, and I think it would be a positive place to live. On top of that, the beauty would still be there and I would still be close to family. I don't know. Those are my thoughts as of now. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day. - Maddie
"Certain people will always be bored." That's a quote by Albert Einstein. And he is right. Some people, no matter what you are doing will always be bored. It doesn't matter whether you are climbing Mt. Everest Or watching a no-hitter in a World Series game live behind home plate. They will just look at their watch as if they are checking whether they can go home yet..
I find it hard to be friends with these people. I really have to work hard to be bored when I am around other people. First, I believe it is impolite to make people feel as if they are not worth your time. Everyone has something that is interesting about them. Thus, when I am with others I try to find out what that something is. Secondly, I like people to have a good time when I am around them. Whether they are working or are just enjoying some time with me, I like to try and make them laugh. That alone will usually keep me from getting bored. I think the problem with some people is that they really don't know what makes them happy. Sometimes, what they think makes them happy, actually makes them unhappy...but they don't realize it and instead blame everything else for their troubles. A couple of good examples of this are drinking and friendships. I will give you two examples. I have a friend from when I was younger who I have not seen in a long time. He has a drinking problem. He has been to AA yet he has given it up and went back to drinking. About three times a week he posts a picture of himself in one bar or another, always with a martini or a pint of beer in his hand looking depressed and/or shitfaced. The caption is usually something like "At Slaughtered Lamb trying to forget." or "Slumming it again on Fulton Street, but hey as long as they pay me I show up." Clearly this man is unhappy. Yet he doesn't equate his unhappiness with the way he is spending his off hours. Like a fool, I have twice sent him information on rehabs he could go to to get sober (In the past he has spoken to me about getting sober), yet each time I did, he got back to me and said he was just a drunk and that's it. Sad, really, but what are you going to do. You can't make them quit. They need to do it on their own. A second example has to do with a friend I had when I was younger. A number of us all used to hang out together. One thing I noticed though, was that the group was rarely all happy with one another. Over time, I noticed that the troubles usually revolved around one person. All people were involved with the strife at one time or another... but there was always one person who was stirring the pot and trying to set the others against each other. After realizing this, I tried to distance myself from this "friend", although since he still hung around with the group it didn't really work. Finally, once this guy was caught doing something the crowd disapproved of and was dropped as a friend by most in the group, did everyone stop going for each other's throats. It's sad really. This guy was once a good friend to everyone in the group, but it just got to the point that no one could actually be happy around him since he was causing so much dissension between the group. Sometimes, you just have to let go to keep your own happiness intact. It is good to be there for your friends when they have a problem. But if those problems are a constant, and they begin to become your problems or effect your mood. Then you need to know when to let them go. Friends should be there to support each other. But if it gets to a point where that person can't or won't take advice that will make the situation better, then it is time to step back and distance yourself from the situation until their situation changes and no longer impacts your own happiness or moods. Drinking and friendships are two things that can keep you from being happy. They can also MAKE you reach a point where you are the one that always seems bored, and can't spend a moment with your friends or family without seeming bored with their presence. Remember, if someone has taken the time to be with you...and you accepted that time, then try not to seem bored that you are around them. Give them the attention you would want in the same situation. That is the best way to never seem like one of those people who are either always bored or are instead boring to be around for others. "Be as you wish to seem." is another great quote by Socrates. I find it amazing that this guy lived about two thousand years ago and yet we are still quoting him today. I always wish that I could say something so profound that people would be quoting me the next day, let alone a couple thousand years from now. Still, I look back and I think that they killed Socrates because of his opinions, so I think their is something to be said about showing some restraint, no matter how profound a statement you can make.
Be as you wish to seem is great advice though. Many people fail to act as they want to be because they don't see themselves in that light. What a shame that is, because we can all be what and how we want to be. All we have to do is know how we want to be, and then act that way. If you want to be known as a wise person, then you need to act wisely. Find the things in life that you know and distill that knowledge down to its essence. When speaking on that subject, speak with authority, because if you know the essence of a thing, then you ARE an authority. Over time, branch out and extend your knowledge to different areas. One doesn't need to know nuclear physics to be considered wise. One just needs to be bale to give sound advice about what they do know. If you don't know a subject well, then don't give advice. Instead, suggest either a person who knows the topic better so that the person asking the question knows who to turn to, or suggest a place where the person could find more information to help them. A fool pretends to know everything and gives advice without knowledge. A wise man keeps his own counsel, learns new things constantly and only gives advice when asked on subjects that he knows well. Remember, be as you wish to seem. If you want to be known as wise, then you need to act wise. On the flip side, you can use this approach to be anything you want to be. If you want to be attractive to the opposite sex, then find out what the opposite sex really finds attractive. I don't mean looks wise either. I mean find out what traits people look for when they are looking for a mate, and then act as if you are already all of those things. Not to fool them...but to make yourself believe that you already have those traits. Some of those traits might be: Be well groomed; Be honest; Be well spoken: Be well read: Have a sense of humor that is witty, and not too crude; Have a nice smile. Those are just a couple of things that I could think of off of the top of my head. It is not hard to actually be any, or all of those things. You just have to put your mind to it, and then become those things. You don't have to become all those things over night. You just need to work at them a little each day...until you become who you think you can be in your mind's eye. If you gradually make the changes, no one will even know you are changing at all. They will one day only remember you as always being that way. Be as you wish to seem...It's great advice, and it works! All great achievements require time. That is a quote by the poet Maya Angelou. Believe it or not, my first exposure to Maya's work was in the subways of New York. The subway used to put little ads up that quoted her work. The ads weren't promoting anything...it was just her poetry. I would sit as the train moved from station to station and read her work. I always though "What soft, kind words for a hard world." Her words were peaceful and thought provoking.
The quote above is also thought provoking. Time is the hidden factor is most things. It is hidden because it is so obviously there. Think about the last second jump shot that wins a game. Some people just see the arc of the shot, the swish of the net, and the joy as the shooter is carried off the floor in victory. But there is so much more to that story. The hours of practice it took for that person to be out on the floor at that moment in the first place. The hundreds, no thousands of previous shots it took for that person to be good enough at his craft to be out on the floor in a championship game. To not only be out on the floor but tio be the person relied upon to take that final shot. We've all seen movies like The Bad News Bears where Timmy Lupus ends up being the hero because he closes his eyes and somehow catches the ball that otherwise would have fallen as a grand slam home run that would have won the game for the other side. And we all know that that scene is complete bullshit. In reality the Timmy Lupus' of the world are booger-eating morons (that is a line from the movie by the way, so don't take it as me judging the character harshly), and there is no way that ANY self-respecting coach would have him out in the field during the final inning of a close game. I have coached in leagues where are children have to play at least a quarter in each game (basketball). The good coaches make sure to use all of their less talented players prior to the fourth quarter. Particularly in a close game. That way they can have all of their best players available for the final quarter of the game and be in a better position to win. Time, I find, is the difference between success and failure about 90% of the time. The person who practices more, or has more experience doing something, is more often the person who will be successful. You might ask, "Well what about the person who discovers something totally new?" Even then, I would say the person with more experience wins out. Think about Thomas Edison and the light bulb. Thomas Edison did not discover the light bulb! He discovered the proper materials which needed to be used to make the bulb last longer. The idea of a "light bulb" had been around at least since the lantern. Edison was attempting to find a filament that would allow electricity to be used to serve as the energy for the light instead of fire. He succeeded, eventually. But he had many failed experiments before he found success. I think you see where I am headed with this. If you love something, give it time. If you love karate, practice. If you love to write, then write something daily. But most importantly, if you love your wife or children, then spend time with them. The greatest achievement any of us can have is to be surrounded by the ones we love. Yet so many of us go through life lonely, or looking to distract ourselves by doing things that take us away from the ones we love. Television, drinking, drugs, watching sports on TV, gambling... none of these things lead to our own achievement. Yet many people spend most of their spare time pursuing those endeavors. It's sad really, how wasting our time can lead to a life with no achievement. To be great, you need to use your time wisely. And I use the word "great" loosely here. What is important to you? It can be a who or a what. Whatever it is, you need to spend time to achieve the "greatness" you seek. My goal is to be as great a father as I can for my daughters. To do that, it takes time. Time to play with them, to teach them, to talk to them and to just allow them to know that I am always there for them. I work from home. I home school them. I train at the dojo with them, and I explore the world with them. Make time for what and who you love. THAT is the greatest achievement that anyone can ever have, in my opinion. This is a part of a quote someone wrote about an acid trip they had been on. Although I wasn't really interested in his trip, the above phrase really stuck out at me. At first, I thought the answer to the implied question was easy. Words were a form of communication, while silence was, well, really quiet! But then I started thinking about it. Sometimes silence can convey as much meaning as words. I started thinking about the last hours of my wife's life. She was dying in the hospital and was in an induced coma. She could hear what was going on around her at times, I knew, because I saw her react to things that I said, and actually try to open her eyes when my daughter came to visit her. There was so much I wanted to say to her as she lay there dying...but I didn't. I held her for six hours, yet I didn't say more than a few words to her. I held her in my arms until she died. I was afraid to say too much to her because I did not want to wake her up enough so that she knew what was happening to her. I didn't want her to know that my heart was breaking, that Maddie and Ashleigh were now going to grow up without a mother, or even that her parents had already left to go back to England. I did want her to know four things though, that I told her within the first few minutes of my vigil. My promises to her and my love for her. After that, there was over five hours of silence between us. Yet in that time, communication still occurred. I held her as lovingly as you can, while one is in a hospital bed, and the other is just kneeling on a chair next to the bed. I put my arm around her shoulders and let her head rest between the pillow and my shoulder. I tried not to move too much, because I did not want to jostle her out of unconsciousness. After three hours, I needed to pee badly. But I still did not move, because I thought she could go at any moment. You see, no one had told me that when you took someone off of a ventilator, they could live for hours. I hope that she somehow knew I was embracing her and that I wasn't going to let her die alone. I truly want to believe that at some point, she knew I was there with her. Words can sometimes fail us...but an embrace cannot be faked. At least not for six hours anyway. The whole time I held my wife, her eyes were closed, as if she was sleeping peacefully. The violence of her breathing belied the reality behind that picture though. When my wife finally passed away, I gave her a kiss and got up to go. I couldn't really walk yet because my legs had been in one position for too long. Instead, I stood there and answered a question the nurse asked me from across at the nurses station. I only looked towards the door for a moment, but when I looked back, Sharon's eyes were open. Now I know that muscles relax with death, and that it was an involuntary reaction. Yet her eyes seemed to be looking right at me. Were they accusing me? Were they thanking me? I don't know. My wife was already dead. I like to think that God was giving her one last look at me, before she began the long wait to see me again in heaven. The silence in the room was palpable. I mumbled "good bye my love", feeling a great well of sadness that never really goes away, and I then went out of the room. Sometimes, silence is the only way to convey a thought or action. Other times it is not. When Maddie was young, I sang to her often. Nowadays, I sing to Ashleigh. And she sings back to me. Maddie has outgrown my singing for the most part. Every once in a while, I will sing the song I made up for her to her anyway. I have made up very similar songs for both of my girls. I have also combined them to make one song to convey my feeling for both of them. The songs allow me to convey my love for my girls in a fun way without being smothering. I sing them to myself sometimes as I think back on little things I have done with one girl or the other in the past. Ashleigh gets a song nearly every time we go to karate alone together. The words, in this instance convey the message. It's a message that I never want them to forget. My daughters are growing up fast now. And I am growing older. In less than a decade, my eldest daughter will be leaving my home to start her own family. That is the reality of life. And yet I will continue to sing my Maddie song. As I did last night, and again today. I sing it to myself...or the Ashleigh song, when my spirits need a lift. Sometimes I sing it out loud, but usually in my head. I hope I have sung it enough so that somewhere in the back of their minds, they will remember them. Remember it, and recognize it. So one day, when they are well into their nineties, (at least) hopefully, they will recognize that song and not be afraid as they follow it back to its source in heaven where I will be singing it to welcome them home, and our family can be together again for eternity. The Maddie Song
M-A-D-I-S-O-N Daddy loves Maddie Madison And who's my good girl Mad-i-son? Daddy loves Maddie Madison. Daddy loves Maddie, Daddy loves Maddie. Daddy loves Maddie Madison! And who's my good girl Madison? Daddy loves Maddie Madison And who's my good girl Mad-i-son? Daddy loves Maddie Madison. Daddy loves Maddie, Daddy loves Maddie. Daddy loves Maddie Madison! The Ashleigh Song Who's my good girl, Ash-e-leigh? Daddy loves little Ashleigh. And who's my good girl Ash-e-leigh? Daddy loves big girl Ashleigh! Ash-e-leigh Ash-e-leigh! Daddy loves Ashleigh, Daddy loves Ashleigh, Daddy loves big girl Ash-e-leigh! And who's my good girl Ash-e-leigh? Daddy loves big girl Ashleigh! Ash-e-leigh Ash-e-leigh! Daddy loves Ashleigh, Daddy loves Ashleigh, Daddy loves big girl Ash-e-leigh! The Sisters Song (this is Ashleigh's favorite) Who's my good girl Madison? Daddy loves Maddie Madison. And who's my good girl Ash-e-leigh? Daddy loves little Ashleigh. Mad-i-son! Ash-e-leigh! Daddy loves Maddie! And Daddy loves Ashleigh! Daddy loves both his little girls! And who's my good girl Ash-e-leigh? Daddy loves big girl Ashleigh! And who's my good girl Madison? Daddy loves Maddie Madison! Ash-e-leigh! Mad-i-son! Daddy loves Ashleigh! And Daddy loves Maddie! Daddy loves both his little girls! I like flowers. They are nice and colorful. They can be like a rainbow. In our yard, we have
yellow, blue, purple and white flowers. They are dying now that it is getting cold. I love winter, but I miss my flowers! Ashleigh Congratulations are in order for my daughter Madison. She fought in the USA Karate Grand Masters Tournament this weekend in Rindge, New Hampshire, and walked away as the 2015 Black Belt sparring champion for the co-ed youth Division (13 - 17 years old). She won her final match 5 points to 4 in a hard-fought battle to the finish. To win, she had to beat a seventeen year old boy who was undefeated for the entire tournament season. In fact, he had already beaten Maddie at least twice in other tournaments.
Needless to say, I am very proud of my daughter. Early in the match, her opponent jumped out to a two nothing lead. In black belt tournament sparring, a competitor can win a match by scoring three unanswered points, so the third clash was critical for Maddie. She quickly scored a point to her opponents stomach to force the match to a regulation five-point finish. Although I am happy that Maddie won, I am really proud of the guts and determination she showed. It takes a lot of guts to get up in front of people and perform. In this regard, all of the competitors on Sunday showed tremendous courage. Win, lose or draw, you are putting yourself up in front of a gym full of people and trying to do your best...knowing that you WILL be judged. Sometimes, the harshest critic isn't the three judges sitting in front of you... it is the little voice inside your head that tells you your best might not be good enough. No matter how tough your competition, the hardest fight can be with yourself. All of the competitors fought past their toughest critic on Sunday. I watched a number of matches on Sunday as a spectator. And I can tell you, I saw no losers there. Everyone who competed, no matter where they placed, were victors. They fought past the little voices in their heads that say I can't...and they proved that they could. At our USA Karate dojos we have five rules. They are:
This was particularly true after the sparring matches, particularly in the adult divisions where the exchanges were heated. Fierce competitors in the ring, once the final point was called in the match you would see them hug and congratulate each other...as it should be. I am very proud to be associated with USA Karate and the martial artists who train there. I am also happy and proud that my daughters are training at the dojo with me. My daughters both started training at the age of three. Originally, I took Maddie to classes so she could learn to protect herself. I soon came to realize that training in the martial arts is a way of life. So many of life's lessons can be learned at the dojo and carried over into our everyday lives. Effort, etiquette, sincerity, character and self control only touch on the surface of what my daughters learn at the dojo. Courage, self confidence, a healthy lifestyle, friendship, trust, the wisdom of peace over power... So many lessons, and yet I have barely touched the surface. My daughter's victory on Sunday was hard won and well earned. I am extremely happy for her and very proud of her. Yet every day that she goes to the dojo to train, she receives things that are more valuable than the trophy. The trophy symbolizes the hard work that she has done for eleven years to reach where she is today. The weekly visits to the dojo and the lessons she has been taught there are what put her in the position to win the trophy in the first place. In the end, karate is more about living than fighting. We initially go to the dojo to learn how to defend ourselves. We come out learning more about ourselves, and how to live a better, more meaningful life. "Time is what we want most, but what we use worst." That is a quote by William Penn, and although it is very short...it is also very true! I guess you can say he wasted no time in writing that thought!
To give a good example of wanting time, yet wasting it, take this post for instance. I started writing it this morning around 10:00, but I quickly got busy and didn't get around to coming back to finish it until 10:20 this evening. Naturally, what I am writing now is different than what I would have written then. Unfortunately, I had a very full day in between. I completed a spreadsheet for a new company I am covering and wrote two thirds of the report for it. I will likely go back and finish the report once I finish this post. I also made changes to six reports that came back from editing and sent an additional two reports in to the editor. I have sent out five emails to various people solving near-term issues, and I have worked Ashleigh through three lessons for her home schooling. Maddie and I have had three discussions about her school work as well. At 3:45 I showered and got ready to help teach Ashleigh's karate class at 4:30. After the class I stopped at Mc Donald's for a cookie for Ashleigh and a coffee for me. I then drove home, dropped Ashleigh off, and picked up Maddie for our karate class at 6:00. After class, we stopped for a coffee (I know I am addicted!) and a soda for her. We came home, ate dinner, and I worked with Ashleigh on her blog post. I also downloaded a program I needed for work while I waited for Ashleigh to finish typing in her blog post. Once she was done, I went upstairs to spend a little bit of quality time with Ashleigh. Now, as I sit here, I am reflecting on all of the time I have wasted over the years doing things that were not productive. Arguments with my wife that I wish never happened. Hurt feelings about little inconsequential things. Time I spent angry or upset. I regret the moments I never got to spend with a friend or my wife or children because I chose to do other things. I think of the work I have yet to do on projects due next week and I think, in twenty years, no one will remember what I wrote, or for that matter whether I was right or wrong with my call. My report is good for about a week or two after it is published. After that, no one is likely to read it again, except for me, at some point in the future, when I am getting ready to write another report on the company in the future, and I then want to see how I phrased something in the past. Time is a man-made construct. What we did in the past can't be undone. There is no guarantee we will be around in the future to do anything. We make plans anyway just in case. What we have now is this moment. How are you going to spend this moment? Reading this blog post? I will tell you how I am going to spend my next moments...the best part of my day. I am going to go and hug my daughter Ashleigh good night. I will give her a kiss and tell her I love her. I will then give my Mom a kiss good night and tell her I love her. Finally, I will go in and give my daughter Maddie a hug and tell her that I love her as well. That is how I wish all of my moments to be. Letting those I love know that I love them. Instead, life happens and I do other things. Enough things so that most of my day is taken up with things other than me focused on the ones I love. Make time for yourself every day. Spend that time with the ones you love. If you must do other things. Do them efficiently so that you will actually get the time to spend with the ones that you love. As far as I know, we are only on this world for one go around. When you are on your death bed, are you going to regret that you didn't get one more report done? Or might you regret the day a long time ago, when you were alone on the beach with the one you loved, and instead of just enjoying the moment you were worried about writing a report that nobody now even remembers or ever gave two shits about? In the end, we all have responsibilities and work. We DO NOT have to worry about it though. We should get it done as quickly as we can while doing a good job with it and then move on to do other better things with the ones we love. I miss my wife, and while I regret the times we were together where we were arguing. If we could have seen the future, I think we would have spent those moments differently. I know I would have. The fact is that none of us can see the future. Because of this, I think it is best to act towards each other how we would if we could. I am not talking about neglecting your responsibilities. I am talking about the time it takes you to do your responsibilities, and then what you do with your time afterwards. One day will not be another day, for all of us. What do you hope that you will do on that day? Since there is no way to tell when that day will be for you or your loved ones, It's best to spend those precious moments between responsibilities as if there was no tomorrow...for one day, there won't be. "Those awful things are survivable, because we are as indestructible as we believe ourselves to be."11/12/2015 I have to say that this quote is quite true... to a certain degree. There are some things that happen that can't be survived- for example, being blown to smithereens. I don't care HOW much you believe you're indestructible, if a bomb goes off next to you... you will die. Believing that you can jump off of a 20-story building and not die won't change the fact that you will still inevitably die on impact. Belief (when it comes to physical injury, anyway) cannot change anything.
The same cannot be said for mentality. Your mental state, though more complicated than physicality... is a lot more controllable. Allow me to explain the twistedness behind this. With physical pain and suffering, the pain is pin-pointable (usually). You can identify it and solve it, HOWEVER, changing your belief or point of view can not fix it. With mental pain, you can never be sure EXACTLY what is causing it. Yes, it would be wonderful if we could... but we can't. However, we can change our way of looking at everything... from small little things to life itself; and change ourselves... even heal ourselves without knowing what the problem is. The mind itself is far too complicated to explain in one blog post... in an entire book, really. It's complicated and constantly changing, and everyone's is different whether you like it or not. I'll leave it at this- the worst things that can happen are regrets; and I live without them. They used to weigh me down and make me unhappy but I learned to look at life through a different lens and it helped dramatically. Look at life like this: We only get one chance to live. What happens in the past is the past... learn from it, but move on. You cannot change or edit the past in any way. No matter how much you want to. Or think about it. Or stress about it. IT IS. UNCHANGEABLE. Accept it. Forget it. Forgive. Move on. ~Maddie sThis quote is so true. In today's culture; so many people are fake in an attempt to be "perfect" and I blame TV for all of it. 99% of the shows on TV give us false expectations of what life should be- from fake smiles and looks to fake scenarios that never happen; we live in this horrible reality that our lives must match those on TV or they aren't good enough. I have news for you; what goes on in the television RARELY happens in real life... so if you base your life's expectations on television then you will wind up living a sad and unfulfilled life.
I've also seen people (sadly, some of my friends) base their lives off of magazines and even off of people they knew who they deemed better than them. They wind up being sad and hurting themselves in an effort to reach "perfection". No one has a perfect life and I don't care WHO they are. Everyone has their own issues and struggles to take care of... and while you may find yourself wishing that you could live the life of another... you wouldn't last a day in their shoes. In the end, we are all created unique and different; for different purposes. No matter how similar we may seem, we all have different strengths and weaknesses and the tasks we are given in life are set to how much we can take. Sometimes we get pushed to our breaking points and past them... and each struggle is different. We all have different limits and need to know that. ~Maddie I don't like to be sad. When I am sad, I usually cry. I am sad when I do things I am not
supposed to do and I get yelled at for it. I like to be happy. I am happy when I surprise people and make them happy. Happy is better then sad. Ashleigh Alice: "What road do I take?"
Cheshire Cat: "Where do you want to go?" Alice: "I don't much care where." Cheshire Cat" "Then it doesn't matter which way you go." I am of course paraphrasing a paragraph from Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland. It is a wonderful book that is silly, yet at the same time teaches life lessons. I had Maddie read it when she was younger. I was going to have her read it again and compare and contrast her thoughts on the story. But, alas, Maddie has started taking her high school classes through VLACs now, so I have less control about what she studies and writes about. While I believe I did a good job teaching my daughter (they jumped her up a grade when she joined the program. She was in 8th grade, but they allowed her to take classes as a freshman in high school), her new program allows her to take college courses that will count as both high school and college credits. If all goes well, when she graduates high school, she will also receive an associates degree. I looked in to the program, and nearly 100 colleges across New England will accept the credits from her associates degree towards their 4-year degree program. As Maddie gets older, she is quickly reaching an age here she will have to start making decisions that can have an impact on her happiness both in the present and in the future. To do that, properly, she will need to know where she wants to go in life. Happiness is not a physical location. It is a set of choices you make. It is a goal. If you do not know what makes you happy, you will have a harder time achieving it since you will not know what path to follow to achieve happiness. When I was younger, I thought that partying and girls were my path to near-term happiness. At the same time, I was looking towards my future, and I thought that having a career where I made a lot of money would ensure my happiness when I got older. I chose finance, since I believed you could make a good living working within that industry, and because I wasn't really interested or cut out for a career in medicine, law, or computer science, the three other area where I thought there was money to be made. I wanted a career where I thought I could be happy doing it for the rest of my life. In hindsight, I was very naive. Out of all of the things that I thought, I was only correct in one area. I really do enjoy working in finance, and for a while there, I was making a lot of money. As for the rest of it, I stopped "partying about sixteen years ago. My wife died two years ago and, I suspect, given the rest of my life, a new girlfriend will be tough to find. Not that I don't think I can find someone to date. More that I have other things that are more important happening in my life, and that finding the right person to fit my ideals may be more trouble than it is worth. So, where do I want to go? At this point in my life, I want to make sure that both of my girls have a good start in life. I want both of my daughters to be able to defend themselves in almost any situation and I finally, I want my daughters to be happy and make better decisions than I did earlier in my life. Is there a way to reach where I want to go? I hope so. As for Maddie, keep thinking about your future, and what will make you happy. Don't just settle for whatever your friends think or are doing. Decide for yourself what YOU want...and then pursue it. Remember, money won't buy you happiness. But it does help to have it to make everything a little easier, You will find happiness from within. Find something you want to do, and then pursue it with a passion. You are a thinker... as I am as well. From one thinker to another, do not abandon one of your strengths because you don't know if you will find an answer that suits you. You will. You just may not have found it yet. . My father is a great Dad. I call him Daddy. Daddy likes to play with me a lot! We also watch lots of movies together. Each morning, I give him a big hug! I love Daddy very much! We sing lots of
songs together too! Ashleigh |
Archives
September 2021
Categories
All
|