"Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking." That's a quote by Marcus Aurelius. If everything that is attributed to him is actually his, then this man was truly a genius. He is like the Roman version of Confucius...only without the fortune cookies! Okay, so I am getting a little silly there, but I think you get the idea... he was a very wise man!
And I think he is right, happiness does dwell within us. Have you ever noticed that the things that give you lasting happiness can't really be bought? A cup of coffee with a friend, a smile shared between loved ones... holding your daughters' hands. I'd also add hugs from your daughters when they are getting ready to go to bed or leave the house, and of course the hugs that we give when getting up in the morning. Over the years, I have never seen material possesions ever lead to true happiness. Yes, I was a bit satisfied when I got my Z-28 or my Town Car, but that happiness quickly faded, to something akin to, Okay, so now what? Cars get old... they need repairs, they lead to bills. New clothes fade or wear out. Jewelry can only give so much satisfaction. Meanwhile, the memories of my daughters as they learned to walk or to talk are as vibrant today as they were yesterday. Nowadays, I collect moments, not things. In fact, I'd like to say that I still like to hunt for things... just not always buy them when I find them. When my wife was alive, we liked to go antiquing on the weekends. Usually, we had no idea what we wanted...until we saw it. I still have the occasional piece here or there. I still like to explore antique stores and flea markets. But some of the fun is gone now that my wife isn't there to do it with me. My memories remain though, and tht's enough for right now. My favorite pieces are three trunks we bought. Maddie has one on her room, as does Ashleigh. Mine is near the foot of my bed. I don't keep anything special in the trunk... but it still holds memories, and that is more than enough for me. So what makes you happy? I mean truly happy. Time I spend with my family, the views I see daily as I drive around my area, fishing with friends and hiking with my daughters are a few of the things that make me happy. A good steak and a hot cup of coffee are also high on my list. It's the little things in life that matter. Don't waste your life chasing big things. Oftentimes you'll find that the time spent to acquire them wasn't worth the final victory. At least for me that holds true. Moments in time. Memories. These are what bring true happiness.
0 Comments
"Certain people will always be bored." That's a quote by Albert Einstein. And he is right. Some people, no matter what you are doing will always be bored. It doesn't matter whether you are climbing Mt. Everest Or watching a no-hitter in a World Series game live behind home plate. They will just look at their watch as if they are checking whether they can go home yet..
I find it hard to be friends with these people. I really have to work hard to be bored when I am around other people. First, I believe it is impolite to make people feel as if they are not worth your time. Everyone has something that is interesting about them. Thus, when I am with others I try to find out what that something is. Secondly, I like people to have a good time when I am around them. Whether they are working or are just enjoying some time with me, I like to try and make them laugh. That alone will usually keep me from getting bored. I think the problem with some people is that they really don't know what makes them happy. Sometimes, what they think makes them happy, actually makes them unhappy...but they don't realize it and instead blame everything else for their troubles. A couple of good examples of this are drinking and friendships. I will give you two examples. I have a friend from when I was younger who I have not seen in a long time. He has a drinking problem. He has been to AA yet he has given it up and went back to drinking. About three times a week he posts a picture of himself in one bar or another, always with a martini or a pint of beer in his hand looking depressed and/or shitfaced. The caption is usually something like "At Slaughtered Lamb trying to forget." or "Slumming it again on Fulton Street, but hey as long as they pay me I show up." Clearly this man is unhappy. Yet he doesn't equate his unhappiness with the way he is spending his off hours. Like a fool, I have twice sent him information on rehabs he could go to to get sober (In the past he has spoken to me about getting sober), yet each time I did, he got back to me and said he was just a drunk and that's it. Sad, really, but what are you going to do. You can't make them quit. They need to do it on their own. A second example has to do with a friend I had when I was younger. A number of us all used to hang out together. One thing I noticed though, was that the group was rarely all happy with one another. Over time, I noticed that the troubles usually revolved around one person. All people were involved with the strife at one time or another... but there was always one person who was stirring the pot and trying to set the others against each other. After realizing this, I tried to distance myself from this "friend", although since he still hung around with the group it didn't really work. Finally, once this guy was caught doing something the crowd disapproved of and was dropped as a friend by most in the group, did everyone stop going for each other's throats. It's sad really. This guy was once a good friend to everyone in the group, but it just got to the point that no one could actually be happy around him since he was causing so much dissension between the group. Sometimes, you just have to let go to keep your own happiness intact. It is good to be there for your friends when they have a problem. But if those problems are a constant, and they begin to become your problems or effect your mood. Then you need to know when to let them go. Friends should be there to support each other. But if it gets to a point where that person can't or won't take advice that will make the situation better, then it is time to step back and distance yourself from the situation until their situation changes and no longer impacts your own happiness or moods. Drinking and friendships are two things that can keep you from being happy. They can also MAKE you reach a point where you are the one that always seems bored, and can't spend a moment with your friends or family without seeming bored with their presence. Remember, if someone has taken the time to be with you...and you accepted that time, then try not to seem bored that you are around them. Give them the attention you would want in the same situation. That is the best way to never seem like one of those people who are either always bored or are instead boring to be around for others. "When deeds speak, words are nothing." That is a quote from Pierre-Joseph Proudhon. Proudhon is best known as the first anarchist, although what he meant by anarchist. leaned a lot closer to communism than most people would guess! When I think of anarchy, I think of a very limited government. What Proudhon meant was no real private property, and worker/peasant possession over private property. A communist by any other name is still a communist!
Still, the man had the right idea with the quote above at least. Deeds do speak louder than words. Our politicians would do well to take note of that. All of them just talk and talk and talk about how they are for the little man, and then everything they do favors the large corporations. Think about O'Bama care, for instance. Who benefits from having everyone in the country needing to have medical insurance? Surely not those who have seen their costs rise as these others are added into the system. Surely not those who have lost their jobs since it was enacted because they were too expensive to keep on. And certainly not those who now have to struggle to make their health insurance payments, when they used to just pay as they went. No, the people who benefited from THAT boondoggle were the insurance companies, who now have a captive customer and the politicians who have seen their reach into their constituents' pockets go even deeper. At a personal level, deeds do say more than words. Personal charity can go a long way towards making life easier for someone you know. Many nonprofits advertise voraciously that they are trying to help the poor or the sick. Yet many of them spend less than $0.50 of every dollar they bring in on things other than helping the poor. In fact, some of these charitable organizations spend millions to keep their top management employed. The best run organizations for helping the poor are run by volunteers, in my opinion. If you want me to volunteer my time and money to your cause, then you better be volunteering your time and money as well. If not, then I can't help you. Some people talk a good talk, but then don't do the walk. Ever have someone say they will always be there for you... and then walk away when you really needed the help? I see that happen all of the time. And yet, the people that they have betrayed never even seem to realize that they didn't do what they said. Life is crazy that way! For me, I care little what a man has to say. It doesn't impress me. If he follows through on what he says, then I am impressed. In the end, I guess I am saying: (Don't talk the talk, if you won't walk the walk." "A man is not old until regrets takes the place of dreams." That's a quote by John Barrymore. Barrymore was a famous actor way back in the day. He died in 1942, so I mean WAY back. The name Barrymore is still a household name though, due to Drew Barrymore, his granddaughter...or great grand daughter, I don't know which really.
Although I rarely quote actors for the blog, unless I am just joking around of course and use a Clint Eastwood quote or a Rodney Dangerfield quote, I liked this quote for its simplicity and truth. Once you stop dreaming, you are essentially dead. It sucks to live in the past. While I do have a regret or two that I have written about in the past, I use those regrets to make sure that I live the life I have fully right now. I try not to dwell on my regrets, but instead use them as a reminder as to how I can live better and more fully right now. When you have given up trying to move forward, then you are just waiting to die. I hope I will never say "I am too old to learn something new.". I also never want to say I can't. True, sometimes there will be things that I won't be able to do. That doesn't mean that I plan not to try to do those things. Instead, I want to be the type of old person who looks for new ways to do the things I want to do... not just put them to the side to never look at again. I think too many people make themselves old and frail before their time. Sure we all get more aches and pains ad we get older, and yes, we all lose some of our former quickness. So what! Really, I plan to keep doing what I want to do right up until the day I die. At some point, I may not be bale to do what I want totally. And that's ok. I still want to want to try when I reach that point. Whether I am successful or not! I guess you can say I will regret the day when I no longer want to follow my dreams! Alice: "What road do I take?"
Cheshire Cat: "Where do you want to go?" Alice: "I don't much care where." Cheshire Cat" "Then it doesn't matter which way you go." I am of course paraphrasing a paragraph from Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland. It is a wonderful book that is silly, yet at the same time teaches life lessons. I had Maddie read it when she was younger. I was going to have her read it again and compare and contrast her thoughts on the story. But, alas, Maddie has started taking her high school classes through VLACs now, so I have less control about what she studies and writes about. While I believe I did a good job teaching my daughter (they jumped her up a grade when she joined the program. She was in 8th grade, but they allowed her to take classes as a freshman in high school), her new program allows her to take college courses that will count as both high school and college credits. If all goes well, when she graduates high school, she will also receive an associates degree. I looked in to the program, and nearly 100 colleges across New England will accept the credits from her associates degree towards their 4-year degree program. As Maddie gets older, she is quickly reaching an age here she will have to start making decisions that can have an impact on her happiness both in the present and in the future. To do that, properly, she will need to know where she wants to go in life. Happiness is not a physical location. It is a set of choices you make. It is a goal. If you do not know what makes you happy, you will have a harder time achieving it since you will not know what path to follow to achieve happiness. When I was younger, I thought that partying and girls were my path to near-term happiness. At the same time, I was looking towards my future, and I thought that having a career where I made a lot of money would ensure my happiness when I got older. I chose finance, since I believed you could make a good living working within that industry, and because I wasn't really interested or cut out for a career in medicine, law, or computer science, the three other area where I thought there was money to be made. I wanted a career where I thought I could be happy doing it for the rest of my life. In hindsight, I was very naive. Out of all of the things that I thought, I was only correct in one area. I really do enjoy working in finance, and for a while there, I was making a lot of money. As for the rest of it, I stopped "partying about sixteen years ago. My wife died two years ago and, I suspect, given the rest of my life, a new girlfriend will be tough to find. Not that I don't think I can find someone to date. More that I have other things that are more important happening in my life, and that finding the right person to fit my ideals may be more trouble than it is worth. So, where do I want to go? At this point in my life, I want to make sure that both of my girls have a good start in life. I want both of my daughters to be able to defend themselves in almost any situation and I finally, I want my daughters to be happy and make better decisions than I did earlier in my life. Is there a way to reach where I want to go? I hope so. As for Maddie, keep thinking about your future, and what will make you happy. Don't just settle for whatever your friends think or are doing. Decide for yourself what YOU want...and then pursue it. Remember, money won't buy you happiness. But it does help to have it to make everything a little easier, You will find happiness from within. Find something you want to do, and then pursue it with a passion. You are a thinker... as I am as well. From one thinker to another, do not abandon one of your strengths because you don't know if you will find an answer that suits you. You will. You just may not have found it yet. . A piece of me wants to agree with this quote, but at the same time, it is many levels of wrong. I am a firm believer in saying what's on your mind and saying what you feel; because you should be able to openly express yourself. However, in doing this there comes a time where a line must be drawn in order to prevent other feelings from getting hurt. There are times to speak your mind and let feelings out... and times to stay silent and keep your opinions to yourself.
I have learned this the hard way, unfortunately. Too often, I speak without thinking, and because of this, I have hurt feelings of friends and family alike. It sucks. I can apologize all I want; but the sting and hurt will always remain, and nothing can truly change that. "Words are tidal waves, and we too often splash them about like puddles." In painful situations, it is best to just stay silent and not share opinions... a good rule is to not reply to people when you are angry. So in the end, what is my opinion of the quote? I don't agree with it. Sometimes speaking your mind can hurt... and then you SHOULD say sorry. Don't speak without thinking. ~Maddie "There's is no reality except the one contained within us. That's why so many people live an unreal life. They take images outside them for reality, and never allow the world within them to assert itself." That;s a quote by Hermann Hesse. Nowadays, many people mistakenly assume Hesse was a Nazi. Not so. Hesse was a writer active during the early years of the twentieth century. While he was alive during World War II, he was not a fan of the Nazis. That would be evident to anyone who has read any of his works. There is the rub. I doubt any of you have read any of his work. In fact, I would imagine that maybe one out of every one hundred thousand people have read any of his stuff nowadays (and yes, I have read some of his work). And THAT brings me back to his quote.
Hesse was socially awkward in his younger years, and likely throughout his life. He was very bookish and wrote to express his thoughts. His first published works were not very successful, yet he persevered. Eventually, he won a noble prize for his writing. The book I read by Hesse was "Steppenwolf". To me, "Steppenwolf" was about Hermann Hesse's reality. The book was his way of expressing how he saw the world. The main character in the book (Harry Haller) has the same initials as Hesse, and his bouts with depression fit Hesse to a "T"! Moreover, in a part of the book where Harry is walking around town, afraid to go home because it is there where he figures he will commit suicide, Harry meets a dancer who gives him a reason to live. Oddly enough, Hesse wrote this book soon after he had met and married a singer. The dancer's name was Hermine. (I wonder if "Steppenwolf" is where J.K Rowling got her inspiration for her character with the same name?) Hermine teaches Harry that dancing, drinking, drug use and girlfriends are okay, and that they are part of living a "true" life. Give me a little leeway here folks on the story...I read it about twenty years ago and I am writing by memory right now. I may have spelled their names wrong, and I may have a few of the facts out of order, but I still think I am getting the gist of the story correct. (I will have to go back and reread it now to see how well I did!) Anyway, eventually Hermine introduces Harry to a musician named Pablo, who seems to be a psychedelic Buddha of the twenties. He brings Harry to his mythical Magic Theatre, where Harry meets the fantasies from his mind. So was THAT Hesse's reality? In part. In the book Hermine is killed off, and I do not remember reading about any homicides in Hesse's history. To me, Hermine might have just been a convenient way for Hesse to depict changes in his own thought patterns over time. "Steppenwolf" seems to be a journey. A journey that shows the progression of Hesse's thinking over many years, right up until the time he wrote that novel. The pessimism that pervades the novel to the end almost seems to finish with a ray of hope. Truly, Steppenwolf was a bizarre novel. If you are a thinker, it will make you think...just likely not about what you usually think about. In the end, it seems Hesse's reality was one of madness. Despair and pessimism, seemed to rule his early years (as it does with many people), yet as he grew older and he was exposed to the world, his world brightened a bit. Depression was a constant companion throughout his life, however. How little we know about a man's inner thoughts. Sometimes we can recognize little parts of ourselves in other people's writings. These are the stories that call to us. And they are not always happy ones. Reality is a mixture of emotions and thoughts swirling around us as we walk through the physical world. Two people can sit in the same room and experience totally different realities. The room doesn't change, our perceptions of it does. In a happy mood, I may notice the beautiful trees just outside my window. When I am unhappy, I may notice the dust on the furniture, or the nick in the wood near the bottom of my desk. All of those things were there yesterday...all that has changed is my mood. Reality IS what we make it. While we can share small slices of reality with each other, and find a commonality, the real game is within our head. Think, and change your reality. Act, and change everyone's. Since Maddie asked for five things that make me happy, I thought I'd answer. First, there are many things that make me happy, but many of these five reoccur daily, so I thought I'd use these.
1. Hugs and kisses from my daughters. At my house, we start each morning with a hug good morning and a kiss on the cheek. If I am lucky, this reoccurs throughout the day! If not, at bedtime each girl gives me a hug and a kiss good night. I also use that time to tell them that I love them. Although I tell that to them throughout the day as well, I like to reinforce it at night anyway. Life is too short not to tell those you love that you do actually love them. I found that out the hard way with my wife, and I am not going to repeat that mistake with my daughters. 2. My first cup of coffee. What can I say? If you drink coffee, then you know what I am talking about. If you don't, then you will never know what you are missing! If I had to describe my first cup of coffee I might say "Nectar of the Gods!" Anyway, could I live without coffee? Sure. But I just see no reason to do that. I like a nice hot cup of coffee in the morning to relax with. The rest of the coffee I drink during the day is okay, but the first cup is certainly my favorite. 3. Looking at the woods outside my office window. Yep, during the fall I love to watch the leaves change color. During the winter, I like to watch the snow fall silently among the trees (as it is doing now), and during the spring and summer I like to look at the wall of green and search for animals as they move through the brush. I see deer, squirrels and raccoon. Turkeys waddle by occasionally, and I have seen ground hogs and fisher cats too. "The woods are lovely, dark and deep, But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep." I always think of that poem when I look out my window and it is snowing. I love my woods, and my work is the promise that I have to keep. Still, there is something about the silence and stillness of the woods that just calls to me. 4. The view I get of Mt. Monadnock as I drive to karate. Okay, so this doesn't happen daily, but it happens often enough so that it seems daily. Actually, I can see the mountain from many places when I am driving around my area. The view gives me pleasure, because it reminds me of what I moved away from. The traffic, the overbuilding and the noise. After working in New York city for about 25 years, it was time for a change. My only regret is that my wife didn't live longer to enjoy it with me. In our lives, we all have decisions to make. Mt. Monadnock is a daily reminder that I made the right decision. To know that my girls are growing up with the sheer beauty of this area as a backdrop to their lives makes me happy. Let others chase a buck, raising my daughters is much more important to me...and the mountain symbolizes that to me. 5. The thrill of learning something new. I have to admit it, I am an information junkie. It doesn't matter too much to me what I am learning, it is just the fact that I am increasing my knowledge. I love to read about history or science or try new things. To me, learning doesn't just come from books. It comes from doing new things too. I love to hike and see new areas ...or old areas in new ways. I like to try to do things that I find difficult and take on-line courses. I love to read, and I will read numerous articles during the week on a number of different subjects. I learn things from all of these experiences. In the end, I love to think. I don't want someone to tell me what to think. Instead, I want to take in all the information that I can, and make my own decisions about what it all means. A life without learning is drudgery. I hope that I instill a great love of learning into my girls. Because seriously, thinking and learning is what separates man from animals. To paraphrase Bruce Lee: " A wise man learns more from a fool than a fool learns from a wise man." Be wise, learn to love to learn! Well, there are five things that I love. Funny how none of those things are really material in nature. Watching TV, you would think that happiness only comes from manufactured products. That's why I don't watch TV! TV is an opiate for the masses. It make me happy to avoid it as much as I can. This is a quote from Buddha. I agree with it very much- our thoughts do form us into who we are. Our thoughts and our mind ARE who we are... they are what make us different and unique from everyone else. Sure, we may share opinions and standpoints on some things, but in the end our brains and minds and thought processes are all different in small ways and it is this that gives us our own individuality.
Most people look at "isms" as only two things: optimism and pessimism. However, they forget realism. I am a realist in my way of thinking. I don't try to taint anything with gloom or over-enthusiasm. I instead try to see everything with honesty and truth- and when I speak, I say things how they are. Not how others want them to be. This is a part of who I am. I try to be logical, though I am often overthrown by emotions (unfortunately). I have a warped sense of humor that I inherited from my dad and carry on to my friends. I am often quiet and reserved in public... unless I am with my friends. This is who I am. How I think reflects how I act. How I perceive others also reflects how I act. I try to take lessons from everyone... even if they are small and seemingly insignificant. I can sometimes learn the most from strangers who don't even realize they are teaching me. Who are you? And how do your thoughts reflect you? ~Maddie "Thousands of candles can be lighted by a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared." That is a quote by Buddha. It is amazing how many beautiful things you can find if you look for them! I have always felt that I am well read. I have read hundreds of books and articles a year since before I was a teen. Even so, since starting to look up quotes for my blog posts, I have still gotten a new appreciation for a quote that I have always believed: " A wise man knows how little he truly knows." Okay, so I am paraphrasing Socratic ignorance there, but I think you see what I am getting at. The more I read, the more I see how little reading I have actually done.
Like happiness, wisdom doesn't decrease with the sharing. I love to read quotes because they force me to think about what the author is actually trying to say. One of the negatives about reading quotes, though, is that it is so easy to take a single sentence out of context, when you don't see what else the author was saying in the moment. It is easy to latch on to one sentence, perfectly said in a paragraph full of drivel and false ideas. With all of the writing I do, I would love to have something I have written quoted on a quote page. Better yet, I would like to have something quoted that actually means exactly what I was trying to say. I think Socrates must sometimes roll over in his grave with the way people misinterpret what he was trying to get across. Socrates had a tendency to be long winded. It seems he believed that there was no sense saying in a sentence something that could be better said in a half-hour sermon. Still, people (including myself) can find a single sentence that he uttered that can convey an idea that we like. That's why he is quoted constantly. Meanwhile, I think Buddha likely rests in his grave rather easily. The quotes attributed to Buddha are usually short and simplistic. To the point and beautiful. Like the quote above. Personally, I think the quotes attributed to Buddha must have come from a number of different authors over centuries. Otherwise, talking to Buddha must have been like talking to a box of riddles, or someone who was perpetually stoned. I wonder if anyone ever got a straight answer out of Buddha that was comprehensible without stopping to think about it. Think about it: "Hey Buddha, what would you like to eat?" "On life's journey faith is nourishment." "Okay then, nothing for Buddha, he's going to sit over their and chew on his words for a while." Truth be told, Buddha was a vegetarian. He believed that "The eating of meat extinguishes the seed of great compassion." I don't know. I believe I am as compassionate as the next person, and yet I still love a good steak. God obviously didn't give us sharp teeth to eat bananas...and tigers were not put on this earth to eat popcorn. But I digress, Happiness and wisdom are two things that can be shared without diminishing our own use of them. Help people to learn what they do not know. You will find that you too, will learn in the teaching. Share a smile, oftentimes you will get one in return. Tell a joke, and everyone will laugh with you, yet cry and you'll typically cry alone. In the end, I guess the best advice is to share what you would like shared with you, and you will see the sentiment grow. Meanwhile try to lessen other people's pain (as you would like done for you when you are hurting), and you will help to spread goodwill in your immediate vicinity. Finally, remember that while you can light a candle with a candle, you can also light the drapes on fire! Spreading happiness is always a good thing, but spreading wisdom to an evil fool is likely not a good idea. "Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do." This is a quote by John Wooden, an amazing college basketball coach. His teams won the NCAA championship 10 times in a 12-year period, including seven years in a row! To give some perspective, no one else has been able to win it more that two years in a row...in the entire history of the tournament. Although he was a great coach, his players loved him for the life lessons he gave, since a lot of what he taught could be used both on and off the court. The above quote is a great example of his coaching style.
Too many of us let what we can't do stop us from doing what we can. Oftentimes what we mean by can't is "don't want to" or "overwhelmed". While nothing can make you want to do something, sometimes just starting with the right attitude is enough to pull you through. Personally, I find that nothing logical is impossible. It could be improbable or hard, but not impossible. A good example of this is saving money. So many people go through life with little to no savings. And yet these are the same people you see out at Starbucks twice a day or riding about in new cars or ATVs. Their thinking never goes beyond the now. Yet by cutting out one Starbucks coffee per day, they would be able to save at least $1,100 a year! I am sure all of us could live with one less cup of coffee per day! And yet so few people do so. On the flip side, some people get overwhelmed thinking about the size of the task ahead of them that they fail to take even the littlest step towards accomplishing their goal. Remember, even the longest journey starts with a single step! When you have a large task in front of you, break it down into a number of smaller steps. Remember, if something is logical, than it is likely possible... and the best way to achieve the goal is to start with what you already know is possible. So what is it that you want to achieve? So many people just feel so trapped in their current circumstances that they never even stop to think what it is that they actually want. Knowing what you want goes a long way towards making the impossible possible. Find out what you actually want to do, before you call it impossible. Do you want to meet someone new? Then go somewhere where you can meet someone new! Or, better yet, approach and talk t someone that you see in the places you do go. How many of us pass people nearly every day, yet never even give that other person a nod of acknowledgement? I know I do! Oftentimes when I go out I go to the same places. After going to these places a few times, I'll see familiar faces, yet I won't know their names or anything else about them. Instead, I'll make up my own nicknames for them...Smiley, chubby, cutie, grumpy, etc. While I may not want to meet all of them (grumpy quickly comes to mind), what stops me from talking to the rest of them? Particularly since a part of me wants to become more sociable. Meeting these people is certainly possible. Yet in my mind I say impossible. Fear of being thought strange, or of offending someone, or scaring people...general shyness holds me back. Yet by doing the possible, I would defeat those thoughts that my situation was impossible. So, what holds you back from making the "impossible" possible? In what way can I help you to make something impossible for you Possible? Remember, don't ask me to do it for you! Then it would still be impossible for you. But how can I help to make you complete the task that you have ahead of you? If it is logical, then it is likely possible. Examine your dreams. See what parts of your impossibilities are possible...and start from there. And soon you will find that what is logical and you thought impossible, is both possible and probable. It's just how you approach it! Okay, no quote today! What can I do? Who cares?! It's what I can't do that interests me. If you always set out to do what you can do, then there is no growth and you can't progress. Therefore, it is best to try to do what you can't do. Over and over again, until you can do it. Thus you increase what you can do and have a fuller life because of it.
I was just reading a blog post by James Altucher. It was a long post, and most of it just wasn't memorable to me. Yet there is one part near the end where it really hit home. He was writing about how his daughter had just lost a tennis match. He asked her " 'What did you learn?" She said, “What do you mean? I was disappointed.” He wrote: "If she always sticks to only what she can do (a safe, consistent serve instead of a harder one that will miss more) then she will never get better at what, right now, she can’t do." It’s the can’ts that add up to a win or a loss. The “cans” just keep you in the box of what is safe. That last line is brilliance in a simple form. The world doesn't progress with what "CAN" be done, but it takes astounding leaps when someone accomplishes what in the past couldn't be done. Think about it: In 1969 NASA put a man on the moon. One hundred years earlier, man was only going aloft in balloons. In 1903, Orville and Wilbur Wright brought us the first heavier-than-air flight. In 1926, Robert Goddard invented the first liquid-fueled rocket and by the 1950's man was leaving the earth's atmosphere. Man progressed by doing what they previously could not. Nowadays, Elon Musk is trying to land a man on Mars! In the years since 1969, We have put space stations in orbit around the earth, and we have put rovers on Mars, as well as numerous other accomplishments in space exploration. All of these wonderful discoveries and achievements are being driven by men and women who are not afraid to try what they can't do. On a more personal level, we don't have to aim for the stars to do something that we have never done before. For me, the martial arts and my writing give me two outlets to do things I have never done before. In karate, I have been working on spinning hook kicks to the head for months. When I first started practicing them, I could barely do a spinning hook kick to the body let alone to head level. The more I practiced the kick I could barely do, the better I have gotten at it. Now I can hit the bag at head level regularly with my spinning back kick. I now work on the timing so that I can actually land it against a moving target. As for my writing, I am always trying to push the envelope. In general, I write for a living. I work for Value Line and I cover 49 stocks and an industry. At a minimum, that amounts to about 200 articles a year. Supplementary reports likely bring that number closer to 250 pages. On top of that, I also write 5 blog posts a week for Mountain Rants. That means an additional 260 posts a year. It is with Mountain Rants where I can really try to push the envelope. I use Mountain Rants to tell my daughters things that I want them to know. Little life lessons to help them learn to think or live their lives more happily. The beauty of the posts is that they are there for posterity. My daughters, and others, can look at them whenever they like. Hopefully, they will find one or two ideas that will make their lives easier in the coming years. When I am not trying to teach my daughters something, I try to explore my own thoughts so I can see where I am in my life. No one is perfect, myself included. The only way to move forward is to examine where I am and where I have been. Socrates once said: "An unexamined life is not worth living." For Socrates, I think he meant that he wanted people to make conscious, ethical choices. For me, it means to see where I am now and how I can better myself in the future. Moving forward isn't found in the can. It is found in the can't. What is it that I can't do now, that I may be able to do with a little practice or trial and error? Where can I then go once I am able to do that? These are the questions that I look to answer. The final question is: Is it worth doing? We all only have so much time on this earth. Why waste it doing something that just isn't worth the effort to do? The answer to that will be different for each person. While the time it would take me to learn how to play the guitar at 50 may not seem worth it to me, for someone else it may fulfill a life's dream. Meanwhile, others may find it incredibly stupid for a fifty-year-old guy to learn how to do a spinning hook kick to someone's head. To each their own. In the end, I am interested in the can't. While Elon Musk's urge to go to Mars may be a nobler effort than my spinning hook kick, the difference in our incomes make his can't a little closer for him to achieve than it would be for me. If I can get off this earth with having landed at least one spinning hook kick to the head and having taught my daughters all that I have wanted to teach them, then I'll have reached today's horizons. Will these goals be enough for me tomorrow? Nope. As long as I am alive my goals will continue to change.. or more likely to expand to include other can'ts. Right now, as I write this, I know I have other goals as well. Other can'ts that I want to become cans. This blog post would go on for pages if I let it. For now, these two will do for good examples. What can'ts do you want to turn to cans? "Be the change that you wish to see in the world." That was a quote by Mahatma Gandhi. It is so simple, that you almost want to dismiss it the moment you read it. And yet, Gandhi lived it! The change he was looking for didn't take a moment to occur, it took his whole lifetime and then some. While his quote is simple, it is also truthful. Change usually doesn't happen on its own. It needs some sort of catalyst. If you want change, then there needs to be a catalyst. A single raindrop cannot carve out a limestone cavern. Yet over thousands of years and billions of raindrops, huge caverns can be formed. Although I doubt Gandhi was talking about physical phenomena, the same types of processes are needed in human interactions. If you are not happy with the state of the world today, then you need to take steps to change it. And change occurs only one person at a time. Most people do not have the vision of Gandhi, nor the drive to try and accomplish a goal that will impact an entire country. And yet we all have visions on how the world should be and in particular, how we ourselves interact with the world. On an individual level, we can all make changes that will impact our lives. For example, if you want to weigh less, then eat less junk and exercise more. If you wish to write a book, then make sure to write a little bit each day. Don't ever expect something to happen without a catalyst. Here's another good example. Did you ever meet someone who says they want to meet new people, and yet never varies their schedule? That is me to a "T"! I work from home and only venture out to go to karate. How am I ever going to meet somebody new if I never vary my schedule? Thankfully, meeting somebody new doesn't rank very high on my things to do list. Most of what I want to do involves things around my house or on the internet. Anyway, those are just some examples of why you need catalysts to change anything in your life. What change do I want in my life? I'd like to crank out 2,500 push ups on my birthday in February, and I'd like to weigh in at 200 pounds even. At 200 I would be 25 pounds less than what I weighed in college. Meanwhile 2,500 push ups would equal 50 push ups for each year I have been alive. Hey, not everybody wants to change the world! To accomplish my goals, I need to lose weight and practice my push ups. While I have started on the diet end of things, I still rarely do more than 100 push ups a day. That will not get e to where I want to go in February! To achieve my goal, I will have to change my ways. So will I be the change I want to see in the world? No. But I will achieve a goal that I think is important. When I was younger, I never would have even imagined that I would be thinking of doing 2,500 push ups on my fiftieth birthday. Now, I am not only thinking about it, I am training for it. Be the change that you want to see. "I love acting, it is so much more real than life." That's another quote by Oscar Wilde. His book, The Picture of Dorian Gray really is a classic, and I can't recommend it highly enough. What a gem! With this quote (and many others) Wilde is trying to convey that people are always acting and that we rarely get to see people when they are truly being themselves. Wilde made this observation well before the invention of TV. I'd love to see what he thought of people now!
Nowadays, it is easy to see when someone is being fake. They act like characters on their favorite TV shows or their favorite entertainment personality. The sad part is, that many of them are doing it without even realizing it. Watch the facial expressions that people use. Anger, sadness, happiness, you name it. Now watch the faces young children make when they are experiencing the same emotion. The expressions are rarely similar. When they are, you know that the adult is truly experiencing that emotion. The rest is all about trying to look how they THINK they ought to look given what ever happened. Another example, you ask? Okay, have you ever seen anyone get knocked out? I have on a number of occasions. One thing I have noticed is that when someone is truly knocked out, their body stiffens a bit as they fall and their hands are not thrown out to catch them. I have also seen people fake it. Their hands go out to break their fall, or their bodies just slump easily to the ground... kind of like what an actor does when they PRETEND to get knocked out. These people also seem to need a lot more attention to get them back to their feet. In conversations I often see poor acting too. Usually, when someone is trying to get a point across, they will change their facial expression to something they have seen on TV that worked in a similar type conversation. With people my own age and older, I can sometimes pick out who they are trying to emulate. It is harder for me with younger people though, because I stopped watching TV regularly about fifteen years ago. I guess I will go full circle here and quote Wilde again. In the end, "one's true character is what one wishes to be, more than what one is." So, what do you wish to be? Do you want to stop your friends in their tracks? Stop acting. Stop putting on a stupid expression because you saw Johnny Depp do it. Stop cursing because your favorite rapper can't get through a song without dropping the F-bomb fifteen times. Smile because you feel like it, not because you are expected to after one of your friends says something insulting or stupid. For one day, be yourself. Not the persona you are trying to pull off, but the real you. Try it. It is going to be tougher than you think at first. Really it will be. That's because whether we like it or not, we are all pretending to be something we are really not. Some want to be tough...but are really vulnerable. Some want to seem happy, though they are sad. Some are clumsy, some are nimble. All are actors. Including you. So, who do you really want to be. For me, I want to be smart, kind, funny and strong. While I can be all of those things, sometimes it takes effort. When I am quiet and thoughtful, that is when I am really being me. So who are you? "It's not what you look at that matters, it is what you see." Henry David Thoreau said that little gem. It makes me think of another quote.."The devil is in the details." Although the two quotes don't mean the same thing, one brings to mind the other. Oftentimes, it is the detail that brings out the beauty or truth in a matter.
It's funny to me how people can look at the same scene and see different things. It happened to us on the way to church. There were five of us in the car. In the middle of the road was a dead porcupine. As we passed it, I said, wow, he was a big one! Everyone looked at me and said "What are you talking about?" When I said there was a dead porcupine right in the middle of the road, all of them seemed surprised and said they didn't see it. Now this porcupine was quite large...about the size of a medium-sized dog, and yet not one person other than the driver even noticed it! A little further down the road, my youngest daughter yelled "Oh, look at the cows!" as if she had never seen them there before. We were passing a farm we drive past nearly every day. And yet, the cows surprised her. (No one else was surprised, thank God.) It just goes to show that although we may be all looking at the same scene, we will not all see the same things. The devil really is in the details. I try to train my daughters to be more observant. Not only in what they see, but in what they read. I will often ask them questions such as "What did you see?" followed quickly by "What else did you see?" This is actually more effective with Ashleigh right now. She takes in a lot, but doesn't recognize the detail until you ask her. Maddie on the other hand (when she is not giving one-word answers like "Nothing"), is much more descriptive about what she sees. She is also getting better at reading between the lines with the literature that I assign her to read. Oftentimes when I give her an assignment, I am not looking for her to retell me the story she has just read, I am looking for her to pick up on the story hidden within the story. Not all books have hidden symbolism or have secondary meanings. When they do, I like to see if she can pick up on them. Maddie's first real ah-ha moment with this kind of thinking came when I assigned her the short story "The Swimmer" by John Cheever. On the surface, the story is draggy and slow. A good day turns more dark and sinister as the main character progresses on his quest. The real story is between the lines, though, and it was enjoyable to get Madison's take on it. At first, she didn't see it, as I was using this story as an introduction to reading the story inside a story. As I explained the allegories that I saw within the story (there are many if you look for them), Maddie's eyes lit up and she started to use leaps of logic to point out other parts to the story that first eluded her. "The Swimmer" and "1984" were two of my favorite assignments I have given Maddie. "The Picture of Dorian Gray" was another. Within my own life, I see so many stories within stories. Nearly everyone we meet has multiple stories, all entwined within their personalities. How well do any of us really know anyone? How well do we know ourselves? Have you ever met anyone who has a blind spot about one of their own traits? We all have them. All though I'd like to think that I know mine, I am certain there are some I will never know...even if someone tells me about them! We all have secrets that are not meant to be shared. Little pieces of us that we have hid away either consciously or subconsciously. If you believe that, then apply that rule to the people you know. How well do you know them really? What makes them tick? Every once in a while, people I know surprise me. Usually in a good way. I try to see the good in everyone, so I look for it. Then, in a moment that would usually have little consequence, a person's guard will drop and their inner beauty will shine through in a way that is unexpected. It could be in how they talk to their spouse, or how they treat a stranger. You never know what the trigger will be that will show you a greater part of their soul. For me, it was when my wife first read me her poetry that I knew that I loved her. We had already been dating for a week or two. Originally I had been attracted to her looks, her accent, and the way she laughed at little jokes. Once she read me her poetry, however, I got a glimpse of her soul and fell madly in love. I am a bit of a poetry buff. I have read a lot of it over the years. But when Sharon opened up to me and read me her poems, and I could feel the raw power underneath them and the pain, I was drawn to her like a moth to the flame. Try to read between the lines folks. Try to see what isn't shown. That is where the real meaning of life and the stories of our souls really live. The truth is out there, although it is often hid behind a mist we put in front of our own eyes. See what is underneath the masks people wear. See the beauty that hides just inside the ordinary. Look past the facade that people put up to guard their feelings. That is where you can find the true beauty...or occasionally, the horror. For me, I like to look for the beauty. "The more we value things, the less we value ourselves." This is a quote from Bruce Lee, one of the greatest martial artists of modern time (well, at least one of the better known ones anyway). Bruce was a man wise beyond his years (he died at age 33). Is the above quote true? I don't know. What I do know is that many people search for happiness through their possessions. I have found over the years that actually having an item doesn't usually bring me happiness. Instead, the quest for the item usually brought me more joy.
To this day, I still enjoy a good treasure hunt. On occasion, I'll bring my daughters out to garage sales, flea markets or antique stores. I usually don't have anything specific in mind when we go... I just like to look at old things and see if anything sparks my interest enough to buy it. When I was younger, my wife and I would always go on antique trips to visit out of the way antique stores in Pennsylvania and rural New Jersey. The trips were fun for us and we were looking to buy furniture to furnish our home in an authentic Victorian style. While we bought the occasional nice piece, we spent more time looking rather than buying. It's just what we liked to do to kill some time. I have many fond memories of our trips. So what happened to the antiques we actually bought? I still have them. They are peppered around my house. For the most part, though, I barely look at them, let alone use them. You see, the happiness came from looking for them, not in their purchase. Most of my friends have no appreciation for antiques. Thus, I rarely point out any of the pieces to them. They wouldn't care, and pointing them out would give me no pleasure. The hunt, though, I still look back on fondly. Over the past year, Maddie and I have been selling off many of Sharon's things at a local flea market. Most of the items hold no memories for either of us. She had so many clothes, that many of them still had price tags on them. She had never worn them. We have likely sold about 120 pairs of shoes already. Most at $2 to $5 a pair. Most of them, we don't ever remember seeing her wear. My wife sought happiness in possessions. It was part of her disorder. In the end, none of them brought her happiness. Her children brought her happiness. I (I think) brought her happiness. Yet she couldn't see past that. She was driven to purchase things...looking for that elusive happiness. In the end, Sharon had very low self esteem. She was overly critical of herself and she drank herself to death. Did she value things more than she valued herself? Sadly, I think there was a part of her that did. My wife had (has) a beautiful soul. She couldn't see it, though, and it tormented her. Do I value things? Not any more. I value memories. Seeing my daughters smile. Listening to them laugh. Seeing their faces light up as they see or learn something new. This is what I value. Things? I drive a 1997 Blazer and my plow truck is from 1992. I wear jeans and a T-shirt nearly every day and most times I walk around barefoot. I do have shoes (4 pairs actually, Cowboy boots for when I need to wear a suit, work boots for winter, an old pair of sneakers and a pair of sandals). From April to October I wear the sandals if I am leaving the house. Otherwise, I prefer to be barefoot. Instead of worrying about all that shit, I value memories. Memories that I build today with my daughters and the people around me so that I and they can look back on them fondly tomorrow. I know for a fact that I can't bring physical things with me when I die. I don't know if I can bring my memories. I pray that I can bring my memories... or at least that my daughters will remember some of them at least and smile long after I have left this world. "The body achieves what the mind believes." is a bastardized quote from Napoleon Hill. If you don't know him, you should. Napoleon was the author of Think And Grow Rich, one of the best-selling self-help books of all time. In a nutshell, Hill believed in the Golden rule...treat others as you yourself want to be treated. He also believed in a philosophy of achievement. The above quote falls into that belief.
Although it is a short quote, there is a lot of truth in it. If you truly believe that you can achieve something, you will find a way to do it. Be careful, though, this works with both positive and negative thoughts. My wife always said she would be dead by the time she was thirty eight. Six days after her thirty-eighth birthday, she was dead. On a positive note, no matter how bad things got, I always felt I would pull out of my troubles before going bankrupt and return to making good cash. I have to admit, I came really close to going belly up. Every time that I thought I was going under though, something would come along to keep me going. An unexpected windfall, a new client, a job offer. If you want something in your life, believe that you are going to get it. Then make a plan on how you are going to get it. Finally, follow your plan! Take small steps each day to further yourself along the path to your goal. The more you believe, and the more action you take, the quicker you will achieve it. Remember, nothing comes for free. Believe it, plan for it and then work towards it. You will achieve it! Remember, this works for things that impact you only. You can't say I am going to marry that woman (who also happens to be happily married), and actually expect to achieve it. The other person also has free will and their plans and actions would have to be in line with yours to achieve that one. Aside from that, pick realistic goals, and then take the steps to achieve them. I know I must sound like a broken record, but this is one of the most important lessons you can learn. Have a firm belief in yourself and your actions and you will succeed at whatever you put your mind to. "If we did all of the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves." That's a quote by Thomas Edison. Among other notable feats, he has a town named after him in New Jersey. His main competitor, Nicola Tesla, who in my opinion was much more brilliant, only has a car named after him. And most people don't even realize it! So what did Nicola Tesla invent? Alternating current, X-rays, remote control, radio, the electric motor, lasers, fluorescent bulbs, and wireless communications to name a few! Death rays and free energy as well, if you believe the rumors.
Well, although the quote was by Edison, it sounds like he was talking about his main rival Tesla! As it turns out, Edison became a household word and he became very rich in the process, while Tesla astounded everybody, but died penniless. Go figure! Still, I think Edison's quote is largely correct. When we put effort into our actions we can astound ourselves. The problem is nearly all people I know are not certain about what they are capable of, and don't have the drive to find out. That's a poor combination since it almost guarantees that you will go through life as an underachiever. Do you want to achieve your full capabilities? If so, then you have to create an opportunity to exceed. This is actually easier than it sounds. Think of something that you have wanted to do, but didn't think you could. Now, make a plan to take steps towards achieving it. Make each step small and easy to achieve. In other words make each step small enough so that you know you can do it. For instance, if I wanted to paint my house, the first step I would take is to make a list of everything I would need. Next I would save up the money I needed to buy those supplies. After doing that, I would choose the colors I want the paints to be. Then I would go out and buy the supplies...etc. etc. In other words, I would make each step small enough so that I knew I could accomplish them eventually. Maybe I would make the steps even smaller...such as buying the supplies necessary to paint one room. It all really depends on me. None of the steps should be so daunting that I find the project will be too daunting. Although my long-term goal is to paint the house, if that thought is overwhelming to me, then I need to focus on a smaller job at hand that will eventually LEAD to my larger goal. Bring your focus down to a smaller and smaller level until you know you can accomplish the goal that is set out before you. Then just focus on accomplishing that one goal. As you fulfill one small goal after another, you will be moving closer and closer to your larger goal. While we all might not be able to paint a masterpiece, we are all capable of a simple brushstroke. And isn't that what a masterpiece is? A series of interconnected brushstrokes? How bad do you want the outcome? How patient are you? Do you have what it takes? I think you do. You just need to plan for incremental advancement. If you are not sure what you are capable of, then make plans that allow you to break down the tasks necessary to points where you are capable of completing them. And by doing that, you will reach your full capabilities! Remember, every day is an opportunity to astound yourself! "What you do today can change all of your tomorrows." That's a quote by Ralph Marston. Never heard of Ralph Marston? Me neither really, although I looked him up and found out he is the founder of the Daily Motivator website. He started the site 19 years ago while working for someone else and kept at it. Now, it is his full time job. Ralph writes a motivational message six days a week. Each one is about 200 words and gives a feel-good message. In a sense, Ralph has proved his own quotation. He started the Daily Motivator one day, kept at it, and now it is his full-time profession. Way to go Ralph!
All talk about Ralph aside, what he says in the above quote is absolutely true. It's such a simple quote, and yet most people fail to stop and look at their actions in this way. Everything you do, whether positive or negative, has the potential to change your tomorrows. My wife is a good example of the negative aspects of this. She drank heavily each day. What was the result of that? She eventually lost her husband, her children, and eventually her life. I am sure she didn't plan it this way. It was just a logical outcome of her actions. On the flip side, positive things can come from your actions. if your actions are truly positive. These blog posts are a good example. Each day, my daughters write a blog post. Over time their writing skills will improve, and it will be easier for them to find topics to write about. At a minimum, they will have a long record of their daily thoughts over a long period of time. Meanwhile, the sky is the limit as to the positives that could come from their writing. They may meet new people due to it. They may get job opportunities in the future. They may start other websites that they decide to develop commercially. Wait, though, we can take that quote one step further. What about something as simple as a smile or a word of encouragement. Those things too, can change your tomorrows. None of us can tell what action we take today can lead to a new friendship or romantic relationship. I do know that if you treat people poorly, then it's likely they won't like you or will treat you poorly in return. Meanwhile, if you treat them kindly, it's likely they will treat you similarly as well. In general, people like to be around people who make them feel good about themselves. One of the easiest ways to make people feel good about themselves is to just listen to them. Don't have an answer for everything they say. Just listen and add a kind word when you can. So, do you want your tomorrow's to be better than today? Than take steps to make tomorrow a reality today. Actions have consequences and words have power. Use both your actions and your words to mold the future that you want. It may take time, but you CAN achieve it! Just make sure that the actions you take today and the words you say, are actually geared towards the outcomes you want for the future. This morning I had a dream. In it I was in a place I have never been, doing things I have never done, with faceless people that I seemed to know. I woke up suddenly (thanks Lucky) and so I remembered it. Given there was so much pointless stuff going on in my dream, it made me ask myself the age old question, "What is the meaning of life?" After 49 years I can tell you confidently that I don't have the slightest idea!
I mean, think about life, not just yours, but everybody's. Some are running around looking for more and more material things, while others are just struggling to survive another day. While some would say that life is just the pursuit of happiness, I would tend to disagree. The pursuit of happiness is just something some are in a position to do with their spare time. For others, life is a constant struggle just to survive. So what would the meaning be for them? I guess you could say they want happiness too, but that they are just having a harder time reaching it. My daughter, Maddie thinks that the real meaning of life was the pursuit of happiness. She points to the Garden of Eden as her example. She says while we were there, there was happiness...until we got kicked out. I disagree with her. I look at that story differently. If Adam and Eve were happy, then they would not have eaten the forbidden fruit. Even if the serpent didn't say a word, it's likely that they would have eaten it at some point or other. Why? Curiosity. Secondly, if God really didn't want man to eat from the tree, he would have placed them elsewhere. Most people view God as an all knowing being. If this is true, then he already knew that Adam and Eve were going to eat the forbidden fruit. If he didn't know, then he wouldn't be all-knowing. Out of all the stories in the bible, this story makes the least sense to me. To me, God already knew or should have known what was going to happen, if he was all-knowing. Thus, the whole situation looks more like a set up. A set up so that A. God could kick us out of the Garden of Eden, or B. he could set up a situation where he could blame the humans for their own downfall. Either situation doesn't point to a god to me. Secondly, think of the punishment God handed down for that transgression. Not only were Adam and Eve banished from the Garden of Eden, but everyone who came after them. Think about it! That would be like humans finding a murderer guilty and then hanging him and everyone in his family for the crime. That certainly doesn't sound like an all-loving god. But I digress. Suffice it to say that I don't think the pursuit of happiness is the meaning of life. A drug addict getting high is pursuing happiness...while he is killing himself in the pursuit. THAT is certainly NOT the meaning of life. The pursuit of happiness is something we all do, to some extent anyway, but I do not think it is the meaning. So what brings meaning to my life? My children. When I was at my lowest, I kept going for my children. Not for my own happiness, but to try and bring about theirs. What do you love more than yourself in life? I think that is the true meaning of life. To distill it further, I think the meaning of life can be different for each and every one of us. For me, it is that which I would willingly give up my life for. That would be my daughters. Everything else pales in comparison. In the end, I really don't know what the meaning of life is. For me, it is my daughters. That is as near an answer as I can reach. If any of you think you have figured it out, leave a comment and let me know. I don't think the pursuit of happiness has anything to do with it. I think that the pursuit of happiness is a distraction from the true meaning, and that to attain true happiness, you first need to learn the real meaning of life. Otherwise, any happiness you may find will be hollow and fleeting...similar to what everybody already seems to be chasing. |
Archives
September 2021
Categories
All
|