Who am I? Who am I?
It's something I can ask myself all day I fit into so many contradicting categories Because I cannot just choose one way That would be silly, I'm constantly changing! In life, we are expected to make choices- Good and bad, black and white Which side are you on, what are your preferences There is no shade of grey, no purgatory between heaven and hell on Earth. I suppose I can't wear black and appreciate flowers, Because I don't dress the part I look harsh; therefore I am taken as harsh I cannot appreciate simple things. Fighting is not looked upon as an art. But on the other hand~ I can't dress in flowing dresses, and be able to defend myself I cannot get a tattoo and dress classy at the same time For they are two separate categories And I am expected to choose I am 14, and of course all these decisions likely seem silly Unimportant, because I am so young But even this young, in today's society I am expected to choose a category A category that has been branded by my own generation Am I a hipster, a hippy, an emo, a goth, a punk, a nerd Where do I fit? Do I like heavy metal or techno, or maybe rap, or pop, or classical? Do I prefer leather to lace, or do I like soft cotton? Stilettos, combat boots, sandals or sneakers Jeans or skirts Dresses or band tees In today's world, no trends can coincide You choose your style, and your preferences are supposed to fall into line Because no one expects someone with neon hair and a lip ring to sit in a music hall listening to symphonies Or you choose your preferences, and your style is assigned... because what metalhead would wear conservative and prude clothing Society has set expectations for preference and it bothers me Because now I'm confused I like so many things that seem to contradict the presets of society And I don't know where I belong So I drift where my personality takes me It just makes me feel odd Knowing that some will look at the length of my eyeliner And place me into one category Whereas others may see my tee-shirts and place me in another When I belong to no true category And only those who take the time to speak to me And get past whatever appearance I happen to take on any given day Will know who I really am. I know this post was disjointed and weird... but this is just a collection of my thoughts structured in a different way. It's late and I'm tired; and this is just what came out naturally. It's not really a poem; but not entirely a post either. You decide. Make what you will of it. My point is simple: appearance shouldn't define you and societies norms shouldn't shove you into preferences. Don't be mainstream. Think for yourself. Break the mold. -- Maddie
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"If your happiness depends on what someone else does, then I guess you do have a problem." That's a quote by Richard Bach. You get bonus points if you actually knew who this guy is. Oddly enough, I had heard of his book (Jonathan Livingston Seagull), but I did not know that he was the author!
If any of you have ever seen the book, then you know why the 70's were known for their drugs. Essentially, it was a small book about a seagull that loved flying for the sake of flying. Who would have thought something like that could become a best seller? Only in the late 60's or early 70's I would imagine! Anyway, back to the quote. Gratefully, this is not a quote from Jonathan Livingston Seagull. Regardless of where he said this, I think the quote has some self-evident truth. If your happiness depends on the actions of someone else, then you really do have a problem! Life makes it hard enough sometimes to stay happy. Add in the actions of another person to make or break your happiness, and then you really are asking a lot. For me, I find happiness in the little things. They happen more often than big monumental things, and they also usually don't depend on other people to make me happy. Here are a couple of things that have made me happy today. In no particular order:
So what makes you happy? If you don't know, then you are doing yourself a great injustice. Discover what little things make you happy, and then put yourself in a position to experience as many of those things as you can each and every day. Sure, there are big things that make me happy. They just have a tendency not to happen everyday. Thus I try to make sure to enjoy the little things that CAN happen every day. Because the bottom line is, that I prefer to be happy rather than sad. So go chase happy! "The person you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so you better make yourself as interesting as possible!" There was no name attributed to this quote. It seems that it was really popular on Twitter a while ago, but no one took credit for it. Which is kind of good in a way.
As for the quote, it's interesting in its own sort of way if you think about it. I mean it's true that you can never really escape yourself, but at the same time, I am sure many people find the things they do in their spare time interesting. If they don't, then why do them? Secondly, although I may find the things I do interesting, that may not hold true for other people. In fact, I am quite certain that many people would find my life boring. The things I like to do, are usually not considered interesting by most people. For instance, one year I decided to do 100 push ups a day, just to see if I could do it (I could). In fact, it got to the point that I did more than 100 push ups a day, just because I got bored with only doing 100 and because I would go to my karate class, and we usually did push ups there as well. Other things I have done for fun is to read at least one book a week every week. There too, I ended up reading more than a book a week. Most years, I would end up reading seventy to one hundred books. I love to learn, and I love to stay busy! Nowadays, writing takes up a lot of my time as well. I write for a living, and I likely write about 250 reports a year professionally. On top of that, I also write posts for this blog five days a week. That adds about another 260 posts to the 250 I already write. I also write other things when the whim hits me, so I likely write nearly 600 pages a year. Like I said, I think most people would find me boring. I work from home and usually only venture out to go to the dojo or to take my daughters out to do something fun. So do I find myself interesting? That in itself is an interesting question. I guess I'd say that I find the things that I read, write and do interesting, but I think mainly most people would find what I do boring. Hopefully, you find my writing interesting. If not, then how the heck did you make it this far into my blog post? No grand revelations tonight. Just an interesting quote that no one was willing to take credit for, that got me thinking about how I perceive myself... and then how others may perceive me. I have done a lot in my life. I have done some traveling. Enough to know that I have found where I want to be. And, if some day I find that I am not where I want to be, I have no qualms about moving. One thing I do miss on occasion, is a good conversation with someone I don't know well. I used to get these at work. Now, I have interesting conversations with my daughters, my Mom or my sister, but that's about it. At karate, I have a tendency to focus on what we are doing, so many of my conversations there are short and cordial. On occasion, I'd love to get into a long and weird conversation. If any of you like to talk about weird things, shoot me an email with an odd topic and maybe we can trade some emails. Since I don't know who reads these posts... other than my daughters and my sister, it could make for an amusing time. Send them here. Given I do not know how many of you will respond to that request, I will only say that if you send me an email, I will try to reply within the week. Naturally, the less that come in, the quicker I will be able to reply. Today I'm going to talk about The circus. We went to the circus on Saturday. We liked the camels and the elephants. The funniest part of the show was when the clowns started to chase each other. I laughed so hard! Before the show started I took a little ride on the train they had set up at the side of the ring.
Ashleigh Today was pretty fun- I got to go to the circus for the first time in my entire life! I know, I know... I'm 14 and that was my first time. But in a way I think it made it all the more memorable; especially since I got to see how my sister reacted to it as well. In the beginning, I was quite panicky and a little bit grumpy. The reasoning for this was due to the fact that my dad miraculously somehow got us FIRST ROW SEATS- literally a foot or so away from the edge of the ring where the show was taking place. Initially, I thought it would be too loud and that there'd be too many people- but in the end; the seats were awesome as I was able to get plenty of awesome photos close up. Something both my dad and I noted was that we were so close to the acts that we could almost get a feel for the personality of the people! You could tell who was nervous, who was more experienced, who really threw themselves into the show, and especially; who's eyes lit up most at the applause of the crowd. Of all the acts shown; I must say that my favorite acts were the acrobats and the aerial performers. Some of the flips and stunts they could pull really left me speechless- and terrified. Some of these people were hanging in midair with nothing but a sash tied to their waist keeping them up; all the while twirling, dancing, and pulling incredible poses. It was insane and a very fun experience. I must say; some of the women you'll see performing definitely give inspiration to get into better shape! The physique on them was CRAZY; even considering that they likely practice for hours a day. In any case, I think that ties up my post... all in all, it was an amazing day and I'm glad I got to experience it with my family. For anyone interested in seeing the same show; it was the Garden Bros. Circus. I'd highly recommend it- just be sure to eat before going as the concessions are EXTREMELY over-priced. - Maddie Today I read a new book called ''What do you do with a grumpy Kangaroo?". Tony met a grumpy kangaroo. He took him to the circus. After that he took him to the park. He fell off his bike and got a boo boo. Tony put a bandage on him. Then he put him to bed. When he got up the kangaroo felt better. They jumped rope until they got to the zoo, where the kangaroo lived.
Ashleigh "Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future." That's a quote by Robert H. Schuller, a well-known TV evangelist. You might have seen him on his show, The Hour of Power, which he hosted from 1970 until 2010.
I think Schuller's quote is spot-on and easy to understand. And, I believe he is correct. It is so easy to sit back and wallow in our misfortunes. To feel down, and blame it on what has happened to us in the past. Easy... but not the right thing. There is so much more out there in the world than pain and sorrow. While it is okay to grieve, we must be careful to not allow it to take over our life. Regardless if you are rich or poor, there are many things out there that can make you happy. One of my favorite past times is to seek out old, covered bridges that I may not have seen yet. When we first moved to New England, I had read that there were only thirteen covered bridges left in all of New England. This is incorrect, but I didn't know that at the time. I thought that since they had seemingly disappeared so quickly, that it would be a cool idea to have Maddie see all of the remaining covered bridges, so that she would have a really cool story to tell her grand kids some day. Well, we saw about eleven covered bridges before we found out that there were numerous covered bridges still throughout New England. We laugh about that constantly! Even so, we still like to see new covered bridges when we get the chance, and I have been known to drive a half an hour out of our way to see one. It has become a family obsession. The point of that story, I guess, is that it costs us nothing but a little time to go see these bridges. Yet we take pictures of the bridges and look forward to seeing them... and we still hope to see all of them that we can. Hope can go a long way towards happiness. All said, if you have a choice between hopes and hurts, let your hopes guide you. You'd be surprised where they can lead you. With that said, it is off to the circus! I HOPE the girls will enjoy it as much as I will! My dad's post from earlier today really sparked some thoughts up in me- which I'm sure he's glad to hear, seeing as he has told me numerous times that the reason he writes is to trigger thought and to leave his memories, thoughts, lessons, and guidance for my sister and I when we get older (and now as well). I'm sure that out of all his blogs, he never thought that one he thinks is a "tangent" would inspire me.
My dad wrote about being a "type A" personality; or someone who is outgoing etc. However, he said that this is merely what people see him as. He's actually an introvert; thoughtful and peaceful. Now, in my opinion- who better to give her thoughts on who her dad is than me, his daughter, am I right? Well, probably not. I'd put my own opinion behind that of Aunt Michelle (my dad's sister and my amazing aunt) or maybe even dad's mom (my awesome grandma). But without further ado; I'd like to give my own thoughts about my dad... and don't you worry about the post title; I'll get to that, too. My Dad I'm sure most fathers would be both frightened and intrigued by their teenage daughter's thoughts of them- and perhaps my dad is no different. Fear not, Dad- you're doing an awesome job and I don't have too many complaints about you at all. Plus; this is more of an in-depth characterization of you than anything else. Despite our numerous deep talks about the subject; I cannot help but see you as the extrovert you claim to be so wrongly labeled. When we're out in public, you constantly talk to others and you have absolutely no trouble in social situations, even if you know no one throughout. You can always hold a long and smooth conversation about essentially anything, and you never seem awkward. However; I've also seen the introvert side of you- the side that loves to think deeply and write your thoughts out online; where they can be read smoothly by anyone without coming off as weird. But allow me to ask you this- if everyone sees you as an extrovert, even your own daughter... and you possess most of the qualities of an extrovert... then wouldn't that simply make you an extrovert who loves to think deeply? Everyone tends to be an introvert when they're alone; and no one would come out and say they just love talking to random strangers. That's just weird. In all, dad, regardless of what you tell me- I truly believe you're an extrovert! Maybe you were an introvert at some point; but if you act like something for so long, you do tend to become it. Maybe you're failing to acknowledge the fact that you transformed into an extrovert. But that's enough about my dad. Let's talk about me. I myself am extremely introverted. I hate crowds, I hate people, I hate social situations where I need to speak and interact with others, and if you asked me to do any form of public speaking, I'd probably respond by crying. I do everything I can to avoid talking to others; even if it's a person I don't know and will likely never see again. However, some of this may be attributed to the fact that on some occasions if I feel too overwhelmed with people; I shut down and begin to have anxiety attacks. These aren't too frequent; which is a good thing- the last one happened last weekend while out shopping with my family and prior to that, I hadn't had one for months... at least, not one to that severity. My throat closes, I have trouble breathing, I get dizzy and light-headed and usually end up crying for no reason. It's extremely silly and immature-looking, hence why I've worked so hard to not have them frequently by learning to pace my breathing and shut out a lot of people when I'm in public. Despite this, some of my friends may still tell you I'm an extrovert. Remember what I was saying earlier; how alone, we all are introverts? Well, when I'm *alone* (as in, out in public without friends) I tend to be extremely shy. When I'm WITH my friends... well, I feed off their energy! I feel free, like I can't be judged when I'm with them, and it empowers me to be a LOT more spontaneous. That, in my opinion, is a sign that I have amazing friends... so thank you all. Now, I need some sleep tonight... if you have any thoughts to add, by all mean drop me a comment below. Good night and good vibes. -- Maddie "Mellow doesn't always make for a good story, but it makes for a good life." That's a quote by Anne Hathaway. Is she mellow? I don't really know. I never took her as such, but then again, the only film I remember seeing her in was Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland. Still, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and let her call herself mellow. In either case, I like her quote, and when I found it, I smiled when I saw it came from her since it was totally unexpected.
You see, I had googled "mellow quotes" and I was expecting quotes with a hint of hippy... you know like Janis Joplin, or maybe quotes from a member of the Byrds, Donovan, or the Grateful Dead. Instead, I got Anne Hathaway. I like the quote and I think I know where she is coming from though. She likely is mellow. As I have said before, perception is not always reality. I'll give you a good example from personal experience. I am an introvert and actually quite mellow. Even so, you will hardly find any of my friends who would tell you that I was either mellow or introverted! Many of my friends, particularly the ones that I have known the longest, think of me as a type "A" personality who is aggressive and extroverted. I guess part of the confusion is due to my actions. When I am out around people, I go out of my way to be sociable, because I don't want people to think I am weird. I saw too many movies growing up, where the shy kid was either picked on or thought strange. I never wanted to be thought strange, so I always make sure to keep up my end of a conversation. If there is no conversation, I go out of my way to start one. As for being aggressive, that part is actually true. I grew up playing sports, and I know that if you want to win, you need to both out-think your opponent and out play him. I always liked to win rather than lose, so I always played hard. Those lessons followed me into the business world, and into the dojo, so I guess you can say that I am a mellow guy who also happens to be aggressive. In the end, I see myself as mellow because I would rather sit down and relax than constantly be on the go. I believe in live and let live, and I would rather be peaceful than sarcastic. On occasion, I look at zoosk.com to see if there are any women in my area that I might like to get to know or date. Many times, the women say that they are sarcastic... as if that is a good thing. The moment I see that listed as one of their virtues, I know that they are likely not for me. While I don't mind a little playful sarcasm, I want to see it develop over time... not be told to expect it. We all have expectations about who our perfect match will be or won't be. For me, anyone who puts down that they are sarcastic, or really busy but will make time for the right person is not for me. When I was younger, sarcasm was a way of life. Now that I am older, I find that giving people the zing or digging for their weaknesses is not how I want to be. I don't want to feel I have to be on my guard, or watch what I do so that I don't get zinged. In that regard, I am very mellow. I like peaceful relationships between me and my friends. Life is just too short to always be on your guard. For now, I am content to sit at home and relax after work, or go to the dojo for a workout. I do not go out of my way to hurt anyone either physically or mentally. My dojo teaches peace over power, and I have tried to live that lifestyle. So am I mellow? You tell me. I think I am. But nowadays I have few people to really compare myself to in that regard. In the end, I believe that being mellow does lead to a very good life. Today I read a new book called ''Pluto the Detective''. Pluto and Mickey lived together. In the newspaper Mickey read that there was a jewel robbery. They got in their detective outfit to
find the robbers. Pluto found the jewels in the park under a park bench. Just then the robbers came to get the package. They tried to get the package, but Pluto awoke and growled at them. The robbers tried to get it away from Pluto but they could. Finally they lost their grip and Pluto ran to find Mickey. Just then the robbers said that the package belonged to them. When the package ripped, Mickey saw the jewels and whistled for the police. Mickey and Pluto received a reward for capturing the robbers. Ashleigh "Where ignorance is our master, there is no possibility of real peace." That's a quote by the Dalai Lama. You have to hand it to that man. He is the spiritual leader of the Tibetan people, yet he is not allowed to step foot in his country. You would think this situation would make him bitter, but it doesn't. He believes that he will once again step foot in Tibet at some point within his life time. He seems to hold no grudge against the Chinese and I have read quotes where he has actively complimented them for one point or another.
What's even more odd, is that he has publicly called himself a hypocrite, because he espouses that there should be a separation between politics and religion, and yet he actively practices both. He seems to struggle with this situation, yet it is a situation not of his own creation. While he could walk away from one role or the other, that would be breaking the nature of the Dalai Lama, a role that his people believe was destined for him since before his birth... and so, he carries on. Getting back to his quote, I believe he is correct. I sometimes think that ignorance is something that we teach. Now, I am not necessarily blaming the school system alone here. When I think of it, I am guilty of this too. It seems that much of the history of our world revolves around warfare. We teach the dates of large bloody battles and we try to make it sound heroic to fight and die for our country. We teach our children that it is okay to kill, as long as we are doing it for OUR country. In the ten commandments, it says "Thou shall not kill." It does not say "Thou shall not kill, unless your government tells you to... then its okay." While I find it hard for any Christian to argue against this point, I know for a fact that many do. I believe they do, because of the way we teach history. Not only that, but because of the constant bleating in the popular press that to be a soldier is to be a "HERO". While I believe that some soldiers can be heroic, I also believe that many common people can also be heroic. The teacher that shielded her students with her body when gunfire broke out at her school... the fireman who runs into a burning building to save someone else's children... or the man that held up traffic so that an old woman could finish walking across the street safely. These are all acts of heroism in their own rights. By romanticizing the job of a soldier, I believe we do the children of this nation a disservice. While I think it would be naive to think that the military does not have a place in society, I think that its defensive aspects should be highlighted. The way that history is taught, it almost seems that the victors are deified... whether they were the aggressors or not! I also find it scary that some people actually believe that people who are against the war in any way should be seen as the enemy. Recently, I saw on Facebook a meme that said "If a person spits on a soldier, I believe that it should be okay to throat punch them." Really? First off, I have not heard of anyone spitting on our soldiers since the early seventies when the Vietnam war (police action, remember, we haven't officially been in a war since World War II) was winding down. Secondly, does anyone really believe that a lethal blow is the right punishment for that type of behavior? Personally, I don't think it is right for anyone to spit on anyone. Common decency screams that! Yet if someone spit on me, I think I could handle it without giving them a lethal blow. To make matters worse, it seems the "throat punch" has now become a meme in its own right. Look it up on Google. Then try to tell me that "Ignorance" does not breed violence. I was literally shocked to see how many throat punching memes there are out there. It may be me, but I don't see anything funny in it. Particularly since there are likely people stupid enough to actually try it out on somebody! Well, I rambled a bit. To get back to the quote, I believe that ignorance is one of the greatest stumbling blocks in front of having actual peace. As long as there are people who believe that it is okay to act violently to get their way, or that we need to be as violent as the next person, then we will never have peace. I personally do not believe that we can achieve peace through war or that war can solve differences. Believe it or not, this post was supposed to be about my abhorrence of ignorance. It went off on a tangent there, though, and will now likely aggravate my sister. Sorry Michelle, I will try to make tomorrow's topic a little less divisive. My final thought here: To have peace, you actually need to practice it. This has got to be one of my favorite quotes of all time, to be honest. I like the message it gives. I think it's pretty self-explanatory, too, but just in case some have it confused- the quote is essentially saying that life is a gigantic journey, and in your life you will run into problems. You can't let these problems (the stumble in the road) weigh you down and make you think it's impossible to move on.
I could give so many examples of stumbles in the road of life- but I'd like to dwell on two large one. The first; being relationships that fail. One of my friends got into a relationship at a young age and thought she had found the one (clearly not, she's 15) and so she threw EVERYTHING into the relationship. She grew extremely attached to this guy, and despite warnings from her parents, me, and multiple other friends who saw her growing depressed from the weight of the relationship, she clung to him for 7 months. For 4 out of those 7 months, she was manipulated to not talk to ANYONE besides the boy she was dating and it was awful. She got caught in this emotionally abusive relationship and she couldn't see it... finally, things hit a dead end and the boy who had caused her so much pain ended up blaming a lot of shit on her and leaving her. This hurt her; but also opened her eyes to how bad of a situation she had been in and how bad it would have been if they had ended up staying in a long-term relationship. However, because of this... she now has a bit of a fear of relationships and while she'll date, she doesn't want anything too committed because of the mistake she made before. She's letting a stumble slow her journey. The second point I want to mention, for me, was my mother's death. This was a GIGANTIC stumble in the road of life for not only me, but also my dad. If you can't tell by our posts, the situation we were in was pretty bad and her death took a toll on both of us. However; this stumble hasn't held us back. For a bit, we were depressed and found it hard to find motivation to keep going- and don't get me wrong; moments of sadness are definitely still prominent. But we've moved on a great deal and instead of letting the past hold us back from our lives; we've chosen to take our experiences and use them to help others in similar situations- and I think that's beautiful in its own way. - Maddie Today dandelions are growing in my garden. The stems have to grow longer, so I can pick one for my family This means spring is close! When the spring comes, I can go canoeing, fishing, hiking, and swimming. We can go on picnics, and I can pick flowers.
Ashleigh "“A lot of people get so hung up on what they can't have that they don't think for a second about whether they really want it.” That's a quote by Lionel Shriver. Believe it or not, Lionel is a woman. She was a tomboy when she was younger and decided to change her name from Margaret to Lionel because she thought the more masculine name was more fitting for her.
Not much for me to say about Lionel, I have never read any of her material and I didn't know she existed until I read her quote. I liked the quote, though, and it got me thinking. I get hung up sometimes... not so much about what I can't have, but what might have been...which I guess IS the same thing after all. A lot of times, I will be sitting around working or listening to music, and something will inevitably remind me of my wife. A memory will be triggered and I will feel a deep well of sadness as I think of the good times we had at one time or another, and then I miss her. At those times, I fail to remember the problems we had and how her illness impacted the entire family. It's the second part of the quote that really got me to thinking tonight. I heard a song and thought of my wife and really missed her. Then I read the quote and I thought "if my wife was still alive, would I be having those feelings right now?" And to be honest, the answer was no. Not because I didn't love my wife, or because I no longer love her, but because before my wife died, I had divorced her to protect my daughters. My wife's alcoholism was out of control (it ended up killing her) and she could not be around my children without another adult present. I brought my youngest daughter, Ashleigh, home from the hospital when she was four days old, and I have raised her on my own until my Mom came to live with us in 2013. My wife spent some of that time in and out of rehab facilities, but mainly was out on her own drinking. Don't get me wrong, my wife loved our daughters. She was just not physically or mentally able to stop her addiction until it eventually took her life. She died of esophageal varices. Scarring, or cirrhosis of the liver is the most common cause of esophageal varices. This scarring cuts down on blood flowing through the liver. As a result, more blood flows through the veins of the esophagus. The extra blood flow causes the veins in the esophagus to balloon outward. Heavy bleeding can occur if the veins break open. Well, Sharon's veins broke open on at least two occasions. The second one that I know of killed her. Sharon already had a damaged liver when we met in 1999. She died in 2013. Ashleigh was born in January, 2010. Sharon's descent into oblivion really rolled into place in 2009, soon after she had become pregnant with Ashleigh. She couldn't stop drinking during the pregnancy. Although this likely sounds hollow, I did not know the extent of Sharon's drinking and its impact on her until she was already pregnant with Ashleigh. I knew she had still been drinking before we decided to have a second child, but she believed that the pregnancy would force her to quit again, as she did when she was pregnant with Madison. Unfortunately, this time she couldn't do it. To protect the baby, we put Sharon into an in-house rehab program at Phoenix House in Keene while she was pregnant to help keep her sober during her pregnancy. She completed the program, but started drinking immediately after she came out of the program, about two weeks prior to when she was to give birth to Ashleigh. She got drunk and broke her ankle on the first night she was home from the rehab. She had gotten the booze in Keene prior to me picking her up at the rehab facility. When we got home, I never thought to look in her bag she had brought from the facility since I picked her up from the facility, and brought her directly home. My daughter was born two weeks premature and with alcohol withdrawal. They sent me home with her at four days old. She was underweight, and needed to be fed every half an hour for the first two weeks of her life. Somehow, I did it while looking for a nanny to help me with the baby, while also taking care of Madison who was eight, and still somehow doing some work for my business. I literally had no sleep for the first four days. On day four, one of the travelling nurses who visited me to make sure the baby was doing okay, called me back that afternoon and offered to watch the girls for me in my house, while I caught some sleep. She came over, and I slept for eight hours. To this day, I still believe that angels sometimes walk among us, and come to help us in our hour of need. Soon after, I hired a nanny and things improved a little bit. For the next three years, my daughters and I struggled with Sharon's illness, I don't want to go into what we all went through. (By all I include Sharon, because she was suffering as well. She was ill, and she was missing her little girls. The emptiness only added to the stresses that triggered her drinking.) Looking back now, it seems like our days were filled with policemen, ambulances, hospitals, lawyers, doctor's visits, court visits, and of course, drunken interludes by Sharon. To this day, when an ambulance passes us in either Rindge or Jaffrey Maddie and I look at each other. When Sharon was alive, we looked at each other because we wondered if it was Mom being brought to the hospital again (oftentimes, it was). Now, we just look at each other just to silently say we remember. I can no longer see an ambulance without thinking of my wife... even though she has now been dead for three years. So anyway, what about the quote? When the song played tonight, and I thought about my wife, I realize that she is dead and can't come back. I recognize that, yet I still remember our good memories. The bad ones I mentioned above, I try not to think of any more. Yet soon after those good memories hit, I read the above quote and I thought: "If Sharon could come back, just the way she was, would you want her to come back?" And my answer to myself was no, I wouldn't. Because although I have a tendency to remember our good times together, if I think deeper, I remember all of the unhealthy things that my daughters saw and experienced. And I would never want to expose them to that again! Ashleigh was very young then, and barely remembers her Mom. She did not understand any of the bad things that went on, and I'd like to keep it that way until she is older, and inevitably asks me about her Mom. Maddie does remember, though, and I never want to expose her to anything so tragic and psychologically damaging again. To wit, be careful what you sometimes long for, because not everything you might want or miss is good for you or your loved ones around you. Sorry for the long, weird post... But it's what was going through my mind tonight, and sometimes I need to think out an explanation for myself. Today I am going to talk about our dog Lucky. Lucky likes to rough-house with Daddy.
He like to sit by Neema waiting for food. He likes to guard me at my seat also. He likes to lie near Maddie giving her hugs, and kisses. Ashleigh I love this quote so much because it's so very true. I chose this quote for that reason; and also because the priest at my church is forever encouraging church-goers to step out of their comfort zone. Now, when he encourages it; he's talking about the spiritual comfort zone. I like to interpret it as something else, myself. I choose to take his advice and try to apply it to my own life, stepping a bit outside my own comfort zones each day.
My comfort zone, to be honest, is pretty small for the most part. It can range, but it depends on the situation. For example, a comfort zone for me is how I look. It took a long time for me to build up enough confidence to step out of my comfort zone and go out in public without makeup on. It may seem silly, but it was at one point a mental complex of mine. Aside from that, ways I try to step outside of my comfort zone daily are relatively small. However; I try to look upon them as accomplishments anyway. I get social anxiety at times and it can range from mild to severe; depending on the day and the situation I'm in. I try to at a minimum get out in public once a day and while out, force myself to talk to someone even if it's just a sales clerk or a random person. It's a way to not only train my mind; but to break free of the comfort zone. However, I believe that this isn't what the quote means. I think the quote was looking to a much simpler level- stating that "life" begins when you step out of your comfort zone to reference memories. I believe my dad was correct in stating that most times; breaking free from your comfort zone in large ways will create memories- lasting memories that will stay with you for life. Being young, timid, and a bit of a loner; I can't say I've made any of these such memories yet... but the ones I have are good enough. I'll leave the comfort zone someday; and I'm sure I'll make plenty more memories when I finally do. -- Maddie "People are losing the capacity to listen to words or follow ideas." This is a quote by Orson Welles. It's scary to think that he saw this happening decades ago. I wonder what he would think now, after seeing people interacting with the internet with 145-word long tweets and six-second vines?
To me, attention spans seem to be getting shorter. Possibly, the large number of children with ADD may have a direct correlation with the amount of TV that they watch and the lack of reading that they do, or don't do. I don't know about you, but I can usually tell if a person is a reader or not by just speaking with them for about five minutes. What the people choose to talk about, the phrases they use, and the questions they ask are all clues to me. I suspect that the people who read less are likely the people Welles was talking about wit his quote above. I think one of the best things that I have done for my girls is to limit their ability to watch TV. Now that Maddie is older, I find she uses the internet to watch short videos and to speak with her friends. The more time she spends doing this, the less time she has to read books. I worry about this since it could impact her ability to think in the future. Is my worry unfounded? I don't know, and that is what scares me. I guess what I worry about is that the world is changing rapidly. As our technology improves, information is literally at out finger tips. While I believe this is a good thing, I wonder how many people will take advantage of this huge opportunity. While I spend a lot of time on line, I also find the time to read one or two regular books a week. I wonder how many other people do this? I hope that it is many people, although I suspect that it is not. It has been said that the only constant is change. Mankind has gone through changes in the past, and I believe we will continue to change going forward. While a large number of people seem to be losing their capacity for critical thinking (probably not true by the way), New things are constantly being discovered and created. Thus, there still seems to be a great number of people that can listen, follow ideas, and think critically. For centuries, the brunt of mankind have not made the vast discoveries that have moved the human race forward. In fact, most of the population has seemed content to just live and survive and allow others to make the important discoveries. The few have always made the great discoveries. What is important is that no one line has made all of the discoveries. People from all walks of life have made discoveries, These discoveries are then added to mankind's achievements, and are then improved upon by others. I am optimistic that this process will continue in the future as well. As more and more discoveries are made, new people will discover new ways to use the information and push mankind forward. We do not need millions of radical thinkers for this process to work. But I imagine that more progress would be made if more people took the time to learn how to think critically. I read a new book Today called ''A Wish-For Dinosaur.'' Darrin met a dinosaur. It was
a wish-for dinosaur. Darrin wished that he would be his pet, and stay with him for the day. The dinosaur agreed, so Darrin put a collar on him. Darrin taught him tricks and brought him to a pet show. He won first prize! At the end of the day, the dinosaur went on his way. Ashleigh Never forget the 3 types of people in your life-
Those who were there for you in difficult times Those who abandoned you in difficult times And those who put you in difficult times. I love this quote. It's so true and in my opinion it's a good guideline for life. However; I believe it misses out the people who had nothing to do with your difficult times- those who would have been there; but had no idea and so seemed to fade away. I wouldn't want people confusing "abandonment" with a lack of knowledge of the situation. It's happened to me before, where people act like everything is fine when I'm in a rough time and it annoys me... until I realize a few important things that I try to live by. Here they are.
In the end, I wanted the main message of this blog post to be the fact that absence doesn't equal abandonment. I hope I conveyed that message a bit in an understandable way. - Maddie "We know what we are, but know not what we may be." William Shakespeare said that little gem. I think he is only part way right though. To prove my point, I want to break the quote up into two parts. Here is my thinking:
Although we think we know what we are, it's been my experience that many people don't really know what they are. I have seen good people who have thought they were horrible people, pretty girls who have thought that they had no self worth except for their beauty and ugly girls who thought they were hot. We seem, in many cases, to be our own harshest critics. This is true for me as much for anyone else. It has taken a long time for me to be able to recognize my own good points, and to toss aside the not so good ones I had been defining myself by. This was a lot easier to accomplish once I gave up booze and smoking. Even now, I find that I sometimes focus more on my bad points and trying to work on ways to fix them, than just enjoying the moment and appreciating my good ones. The second part of the quotation seems obvious to me. We don't know what our potential is. And if we don't try, we never will. No one can say what they can or cannot be. When I was younger, I never would have guessed that I would become a black belt. Although I liked karate movies, it never even crossed my mind to take up the sport. In fact, I didn't even know there were places where you could study karate in the states. How naive I was. At any rate. When Madison turned three, we decided that it would be a good idea to stat her in the martial arts so that she would be able to protect herself once she started dating. After watching her do classes for about a year or two, I decided to start taking classes so that I could continue to help her to train as she advanced in her studies. Working from home is another thing I never thought I would be doing. I always thought I would be in a corporate structure. But again, you never know where you might go, or what you may be able to do until you try. Essentially, I have been working from home for the past thirteen years. Amazing! So. Where will you go? And what will you do? Shakespeare says it best, we know some of what we are now, but we do not know what the future holds, and we do not know what we can do until we try to do it. My advice: Never be afraid to try. If you are trying something that will change your entire life, then you are better off starting small, and building on your small successes. You have your entire life to achieve your goals! No need to get them all completed in one day! What you do need to do, however, is to start. If you don't try new things, then you will never know what you can do. |
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