“Don't be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.” That's another quote by Rumi. Sorry, but every once in a while I find someone who has a bunch of thought provoking quotes, and instead of looking for someone new to quote. I'll just quote the same person a few times until everyone is sick of them (and me).
This man had a beautiful way of phrasing things.Above, he is telling us to live our own lives they way we want to live them. To live life exactly as someone else is a waste of time and energy (kung fu). Live your own life, and make your own decisions. While it is okay to imitate other's actions, and to take wise counsel, remember that the final decision in what you do is yours. It is your life to live and your story to tell. Make sure that you star in it. In the end, no one really cares if you do the same thing as someone else. They will remember you for what YOU do and for how YOU do it. Since that is the case, you means well live your life your own way. That is what Rumi's quote says to me. Live life to its fullest. And live a life worthy enough for people to remember you by!
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"You have no need to travel anywhere. Journey within yourself." That is a quote by Rumi. So who is Rumi? A good question, and one I also asked myself. It ends up that Rumi was a 13th-century Persian poet. I was a bit relieved to hear that! I thought he was going to be some old wasted hippy messiah or something.
No matter who Rumi was, I must say that I really do agree with his quote. While I will be the first to admit that I am not a world traveler, I have traveled throughout much of North America and I must say that there is nothing that I have seen that can match my imagination. Don't get me wrong, I have been pleasantly surprised by some of the places I have been... a small town in Mississippi, so far off the beaten path that railroad tracks run down the main street and shop keepers come out of the stores and chat with the train engineers as the train slowly rumbles down the street. Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Peoria all surprised to the upside, as did Cincinnati, while Philly, Las Vegas, San Francisco and Dallas all seemed a little less special than I had imagined. To be honest, if I close my eyes for a moment I can picture beautiful landscapes of places I have never been. Amalgamations of places I have read about or pictures I have seen. So far, none of the places I have been can match the beauty I can perceive in my own imagination. Images are not the only thing you can explore in your mind. Your thoughts can also be examined. What do you think about when you are alone? I know that I oftentimes contemplate things that I normally won't talk about with most people. Furthermore, there are some things that just don't come up in normal everyday conversation. A wise man should know his own thoughts, that way he can better judge the thoughts of others. So, after saying all of that, does that mean that I am against traveling to new places? Not at all. All I am pointing out is that we all have things to explore within our own minds. While travel is nice, it is not necessary for a person to be well traveled to be a well rounded person. Know your mind, and the rest will follow. Travel if you can, but don't feel bad if you can't afford to travel often. "To know how to use knowledge is to have wisdom." That's a quote by Charles Spurgeon. Spurgeon lived in the mid 1800's and was known as the "Prince of Preachers". He was a reformed Baptists, and many of his sermons are still around today.
A lot of people nowadays mistake knowledge for wisdom. They are really two different things... as Spurgeon is alluding to. Dictionary. com defines knowledge as: acquaintance with facts, truths or principles. Meanwhile, their definition of wisdom is: the quality or state of being wise. knowledge of what is true or right, coupled with just judgement and insight. Well, there is the catch... To have wisdom, you need insight and judgement. Have you ever met someone who is just book smart? They have a lot of knowledge, but no idea how to put it to good use! There are a lot of people like that in my profession. They have CFAs or MBA, sometimes both. Yet they can't pick a decent stock to save their life! There is one guy I know, that I would say is one of my wisest friends. The funny thing is he is not very knowledgeable in any given subject. Don't get me wrong, he has an Ivy league education... Harvard to be exact. He just doesn't have a lot of knowledge about any particular subject. What he does have is wisdom. He surrounds himself with knowledgeable people, and then fires off extremely insightful questions. He then takes the knowledge that he hears and puts it into action. He proves day in and day out that it is not what you know but who you know. I have never seen him treat anyone badly, and he makes everyone he meets feel smart by the questions he asks. He doesn't just ask questions about things he wants to know. No, he asks questions to see what you know. That way, if he ever needs your expertise, he has another person he can talk to. As you can guess, this man has lots of friends. They are friends with him because not only will he ask questions of them, but he will introduce them to others who have similar backgrounds to you. That way you make new smarter connections as well. He is a networking genius... and that, my friend, is a sign of wisdom in action. I have met a lot of people with specific knowledge in one field who try to make you feel stupid for not knowing what they know. This is the exact opposite of my friend. These people usually don't last long. They have specific knowledge, but they aren't interested in sharing it and building on it. Since that is the case, no one goes out of their way to share ideas with them either. To me, to have wisdom, you need to be open to new information (knowledge) and at the same time be happy to share the knowledge you already have. Human progress is a visual history of shared knowledge. Wisdom, or knowledge... which would you rather have? Being an analyst, I can tell you, knowledge is always available. You may have to dig deep to find it, but if there is a will there is a way. Meanwhile, wisdom comes with experience. It is easy to gather knowledge. But it takes time to see how to best put it to work. Oftentimes, people have knowledge. They just don't know what to do with it. That is where being wise really helps. Be like my friend. Be wise! For my karate friends, I just want it to be clear that this article is NOT about how to apply a back-breaking bear hug. No, this is a post about how hugging your loved ones can help to make both you and them happier by simply giving and receiving hugs.
Medical research has shown that hugging can help to alleviate feelings of loneliness, stress and depression, but even more importantly it can also help to cure sickness and disease. Even before reading the study, I had made it a point to hug my children regularly. At a minimum, I give my daughters hugs each morning when they wake up and again before they go to bed. I also try to give them hugs of encouragement throughout the day or as a reward for doing a good job on...just about anything! Although my wife and I always hugged the girls when they got up in the morning and before bed, it was after my wife passed away that I truly began to feel the power of hugs. I found that the hugs were a favorite part of my day and that they were helping me to work through my grief. The medicl journals say that hugs instantly boost oxytocin levels, which help to heal feelings of loneliness, isolation and anger. Moreover, hugs that last more than six seconds were also shown to boost serotonin levels. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter produced by the body that helps to elevate mood and create feelings of happiness. Other benefits of hugging include: that it can surreptitiously build a sense of trust and open communication between recipients. The journals also point out that self esteem is also boosted by hugging (who knew!) and that the immune system may also receive a boost. While all of that stuff is great, in the end, hugs can express a number of feelings that sometimes just can't be expressed with words. I remember the last time I saw my wife conscious before she died. My daughters and I were leaving for New Jersey...I was taking my daughter Maddie to her first concert to see Victoria Justice. We stopped by to see my wife, who was living in Jaffrey (why we were living apart is not pertinent to the story here). As we left her house, she stopped me and gave me a long hug and a kiss on the cheek. There was nothing sexual about the hug. At the time, I felt it was the kind of hug you gave someone when you were saying goodbye, and you were not certain you would ever see them again. My feelings were prophetic. While we were in New Jersey, my wife was rushed to the hospital bleeding internally. Although she lived for two more weeks, I never saw her conscious again. For the last six hours of her life, I held her, and she died in my arms. In the weeks that passed, I thought back on the hug she gave me before we left and it gave me solace to know that my wife still loved me in the waning days of her life. Her embrace had conveyed all of that to me without a word being spoken. Hugs have a way of communicating feelings even if the words remain unspoken. I hope that in the end, my final embrace with my wife as I held her in those final hours was able to convey the great love that I have for her as well. I hope that the hugs I give my daughters convey the love I have for them and that no matter what happens in their lives, they know that I will always love them and be there for them. 6. Avoid people who do not share your "core" values - This one can be hard, because sometimes it can involve family members. This one should be a no brainer. If a person isn't honest, or pleasant or ...add your own adjectives here... why would you want them in your lives? They say there is honor among thieves. Don't believe it! If you are not a thief, then don't associate with one.
I, like many people, have a Facebook page and have many contacts. While I enjoy keeping up with what is happening with my friends lives, there are some people I just have to turn off the newsfeeds for. These people have a constant stream of complaints about people and things that just make me not want to hear about it any more. While everyone has the occasional bad day and may vent about it, the people I am talking about are the ones who continually make bad decisions, and then are surprised when things turn out wrong! Ever hear of the woman who likes the "Bad boy" image, and then complains and cries after the guys she dates cheat on her or steal from her...or are "lazy"? Or what about the friend who constantly drinks too much, but complains about the hangover or is annoyed at the cops for giving him a DWI. Ugh! they never learn. My advice, turn them off and tune them out. Spend time with people who share your values. You'll be happier! 7. Surround yourself with people you love, like, or respect - This rule works hand in hand with rule 6! Life is just so much more enjoyable when you surround yourself with people who are pleasant and comfortable to be around. Now, I don't mean that I want to surround myself with people who think exactly like me. No, I like to hear many different points of view on all types of subjects. What I mean is that I want people in my life that I can trust and enjoy their company. 8. Let logic dictate your actions - If turning right on Elm Street leads you to a dead end on Monday, then it is pretty damn certain that turning right on Tuesday or any day will lead you to that same dead end! Although my example is simple, many people can't seem to make that same leap in other parts of their life. Here are some easy ones that people seem to always get wrong: The odds are stacked against you when you play the lottery, or go to the casino..."Someone has to win it!" does not justify your poor decision! Excessive drinking can kill you. Just ask my wife...when you get to heaven, that is, since it did kill her. There is only a fine line between excessive drinking and what you do. If you are having more than one, you are having too many. And if you are only having one, then why do it? My favorite: If the value of every fiat currency in the history of the world has eventually collapsed to zero, why do people expect the fate of the U.S. dollar to be any different? The dollar has already lost more than 95% of its value since it was first instituted in 1913. Where is the value in that? So what does logic dictate? Let me guess, you'll think about it over a couple of glasses of wine tonight. My heart weeps for many of you. 9. If you make a promise, try to over deliver - Everyone loves to get more than they expect. If you say you will do something for someone, do it with a gracious heart and without expectation of reward. I find when I do this, good things happen to me in return. Not only from the person I have helped but from unexpected directions! I don't know why this works, it just does. This goes back to knowing yourself. If you don't want to do something, then don't promise to do it! If you do promise to do it, then do it to the best of your ability. 10. Be flexible - Life brings many changes. If you don't change with it, you may get overwhelmed. Not everything will always go to plan. When you realize this, you'll be more apt to change your plan. Notice I said, change your plan and not your goal...there is a difference! If a tree falls across my path, I will make a new path around or over it. Being flexible in thought and action will allow you to overcome your obstacles. I hope you enjoyed my 10 rules for living, and that they at least made you think. What are your rules to live by? Leave yours in a comment. I'd love to some day write a post on all of the different rules of life that my readers follow. Rules to live by...We all have them. Some people have better rules than others, but we all have them, whether we realize it or not. Below are the rules I try to live by. Have they changed since I was in my twenties? Sure. I have grown as a person, and things that were important to me back then, are not exactly the same things that are important to me now. Without further ado, My list:
1. To thy own self be true - In other words, be honest with yourself. To paraphrase Shakespeare, "All the world's a stage and we all wear many masks." To my daughters, I am their father...to my Research Director, I am an analyst. To some, I am sensei, to others a stranger, a client, a patient or even a man walking by them in a store. I am all these things, yet underneath it all I am me. To be true to myself, means that the decisions I make while "wearing" one mask, shouldn't go against the values I live by while playing my other roles. 2. Treat others as you yourself would like to be treated - This one I think holds true for everything you do in life. The only area in my life where this doesn't hold entirely true is when I am sometimes fighting at the dojo. There, we have sparring hard or going easy. When I spar "hard" I like to hit hard, although I must say I try to avoid getting hit hard back in return. There are still rules, of course, (no direct shots to the face (the chin is NOT part of the face!) no groin shots, etc., but you do get to put some power in your punches! It's lots of fun, and I recommend everyone try it sometime. Aside from then, I try to treat everyone with kindness and respect...because that is how I like to be treated. 3. Try to be happy - Life is too short to do otherwise! Too many go through life worrying about what others think about them. Whether or not they have a "cool" car or the "right" cell phone. Whether or not this one or that one likes them and on and on. In the end, who really cares! What do you favor? That is what really counts! Some people also don't seem happy unless they are doing something "big". literally say they hate their life! They hate their job or the weather, or even the people around them...yet they have nothing but glowing things to say about their last trip to Mexico or the Bahamas. My advice to these people is that if they like it there so much, and hate it here, then they should move there. That way they will be happier. I usually get blank stares in return and then the phrase, "I can't do that because (fill in the blank)." Yep, all talk, no walk. The fact is that if they can only be happy when something "Big" happens (such as a vacation) then they will rarely be happy. Instead, I recommend looking to the little things for happiness...hugs from my daughters... a good workout at the dojo...a good cup of coffee. I also try to experience these things somewhere where I can be happy. I know you CAN move to where you will be happier, because I did. Seven years ago, I moved from New Jersey to New Hampshire because I thought it would be a better place to raise my kids and I love to be around nature. In the end, it was a great move and rarely a day goes by when I don't enjoy a view of the mountains or a lake. Does that mean that I am never sad, or that bad things don't happen to me? No, I'm human. Bad things do happen still, Since moving to New Hampshire, my wife has died in my arms and I have closed a business that I had built for ten years. Bad things do happen. How we handle what happens to us and where we look for our happiness makes all the difference, however. I try not to dwell on the past. I look for my little bits of happiness each day, and I try to cultivate friendships with those who add to my happiness. 4. Be honorable - Face it, no one likes a liar, thief or bully. Be honest with people and be honest with yourself. Be kind and live and let live. If everyone followed these rules, the world would be a better place. The best place to start the process is with yourself. I find it best to limit my association with people who don't follow these rules. Like I said earlier, life is too short to surround yourself with liars and fools. Expect from others exactly what you yourself do. If others don't meet this standard, then don't associate with them! I find my life is more pleasant when I am not wondering whether so and so is lying to me. Surround yourself with people you can trust, and you will be happier. 5. Lead by example - Part of the problem with the world today is that our "leaders" don't really lead. They pontificate. They like to tell you what rules and laws you need to follow while having a second set of rules for themselves. It's the same with many of the "leaders" of our non-profit organizations. Only your time or money will help the poor or the animals, or the environment...meanwhile these "leaders" are getting paid handsomely for their time. Personally, I believe that if you want to really help the poor, or the environment, or the animals, then get out and do it in your own area! There are a lot of people that need help. You don't need a large organization to point them out to you. Open your eyes! Lend a hand where you can see the results of your labor...or cash if you don't have the time. In my life, particularly where it concerns my daughters, I try to lead by example. I have both of my daughters take karate so that they will be better able to protect themselves if they ever need to. I also find it is a healthy lifestyle for them to follow. Given that's the case, I too started karate. I try not to ask my daughters to do anything that I won't do myself. If I expect them to live a healthy lifestyle, exercise and avoid drugs and alcohol, then I damn well better do it too! Hypocrites suck! I never make my daughters do anything that I either haven't or won't do myself. Lead by example. That's what I try to do. Wayne |
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