For my karate friends, I just want it to be clear that this article is NOT about how to apply a back-breaking bear hug. No, this is a post about how hugging your loved ones can help to make both you and them happier by simply giving and receiving hugs.
Medical research has shown that hugging can help to alleviate feelings of loneliness, stress and depression, but even more importantly it can also help to cure sickness and disease. Even before reading the study, I had made it a point to hug my children regularly. At a minimum, I give my daughters hugs each morning when they wake up and again before they go to bed. I also try to give them hugs of encouragement throughout the day or as a reward for doing a good job on...just about anything! Although my wife and I always hugged the girls when they got up in the morning and before bed, it was after my wife passed away that I truly began to feel the power of hugs. I found that the hugs were a favorite part of my day and that they were helping me to work through my grief. The medicl journals say that hugs instantly boost oxytocin levels, which help to heal feelings of loneliness, isolation and anger. Moreover, hugs that last more than six seconds were also shown to boost serotonin levels. Serotonin is a neurotransmitter produced by the body that helps to elevate mood and create feelings of happiness. Other benefits of hugging include: that it can surreptitiously build a sense of trust and open communication between recipients. The journals also point out that self esteem is also boosted by hugging (who knew!) and that the immune system may also receive a boost. While all of that stuff is great, in the end, hugs can express a number of feelings that sometimes just can't be expressed with words. I remember the last time I saw my wife conscious before she died. My daughters and I were leaving for New Jersey...I was taking my daughter Maddie to her first concert to see Victoria Justice. We stopped by to see my wife, who was living in Jaffrey (why we were living apart is not pertinent to the story here). As we left her house, she stopped me and gave me a long hug and a kiss on the cheek. There was nothing sexual about the hug. At the time, I felt it was the kind of hug you gave someone when you were saying goodbye, and you were not certain you would ever see them again. My feelings were prophetic. While we were in New Jersey, my wife was rushed to the hospital bleeding internally. Although she lived for two more weeks, I never saw her conscious again. For the last six hours of her life, I held her, and she died in my arms. In the weeks that passed, I thought back on the hug she gave me before we left and it gave me solace to know that my wife still loved me in the waning days of her life. Her embrace had conveyed all of that to me without a word being spoken. Hugs have a way of communicating feelings even if the words remain unspoken. I hope that in the end, my final embrace with my wife as I held her in those final hours was able to convey the great love that I have for her as well. I hope that the hugs I give my daughters convey the love I have for them and that no matter what happens in their lives, they know that I will always love them and be there for them.
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