"What makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven.” That's a quote by Chuck Palahniuk. So who is Chuck? He is the author of the book "Fight Club". Although I have not read the book, I have seen the movie. (God it felt horrible saying THAT!!!) I guess I will have to put it on my list of things to read, since I did enjoy the movie, and oftentimes I enjoy the books more than the movies. I must admit, I like Chuck's quote. I have always felt that false expectations always works to make things seem worse than they actually are. Sometimes I go to movies with very high expectations and I end up disappointed... even if the movie isn't bad, but just mediocre. Meanwhile, I have also gone to films where I entered with little to no expectations and left the theater happy that I went! Buddha had a number of great quotes about expectations. I'll list a few below, then continue on with my thoughts. "Serenity comes when you trade expectations for acceptance." "The root of suffering is attachment." "Do not dwell on the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." "Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." "When we do not expect anything, we can be ourselves." That last quote may not be by Buddha. I believe I have heard it somewhere before. But for right now, we'll give it to Buddha since it seems like something he would say! It seems to be a recurring theme with Buddha that all troubles seem to start when we set expectations. Even worse than having expectations about things, we sometimes set expectations for ourselves.
Unfortunately, I like to do this. They are not expectations per se, but goals. I definitely like to set goals for myself and then strive to reach them. It is a way for me to focus my energy and use it towards creating a favorable outcome. While I do not always reach my "goals" right away, I can note progress towards them over time. Sometimes, I will change my goals due to changes in my life.When I do this, I do not feel like I am in hell. It is usually because I realized that there was either a better way of accomplishing my goal, or there was a better goal available. Now with all of that said, I will admit that I had a period in my life that I considered hell. Expectations did lead to some of it. When I was younger, I always expected that my wife would outlive me. She was ten years younger than me and given the mortality table, I was reasonably confident that she would survive me. That wasn't the case, however. She died three years ago. Although her mental illness took her away from our family three years before that. For the past seven years I have been raising my daughters on my own. My Mom lives with us now, and she is a great help, but I raise the girls as I see fit. At any rate, I think you can see where my hell was coming from. My expectations led me to have all of my plans tied to my wife being alive and with us. My business was based out of my home, and I had banked on my wife being there to help raise the children. For three years, there was only me to do that. Me, a single Dad with a newborn baby, a seven-year-old little girl, and a mentally ill wife who still needed my love and understanding... even though she could no longer live with us. To make a long story short, it is amazing that we survived that time as well as we did. I never want to have to relive those circumstances. Long-time readers of this blog, likely know some of our trials. There are some things I will never talk about though. Those are parts of my own personal hell. Once again, I have expectations for myself and my family. Am I setting myself up for further hellish times? I don't think so. I try to listen to Buddha, and keep my expectations low. I do aim high with my goals, though, and work diligently to make those happen. Are those expectations? No, they are goals, and they help to give my life meaning. In the end, keep your expectations low and set your goals high... and diligently work towards them. Hopefully, this strategy will let you walk the thin line between heaven and hell and allow you to survive. While there may not be a heaven on earth, there certainly doesn't have to be a hell either. God bless!
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