I found the above quote on tumblr, and it really resonated with me. Before I launch into my analysis of the quote, I wanted to apologize for my lack of blog posts last week. I'll try to catch up this week and not let it happen again- I just had a stressful and busy week with a lot of things going on and I didn't have the time for consistent quote-finding and writing. In any case, on to my post!
I think that everyone appreciates things they've worked hard to earn more than they appreciate things that are handed to them. For a small example, I know well that the food I buy myself when out tastes a hell of a lot better than the food I'm bought- even if it's the exact same thing. I guess you could call it the taste of independence- I know I actually did something for myself so it makes me feel better than if the exact same thing had just been handed over to me. Some people may be lazy enough to call me crazy, but I'm an advocate of hard work and earning things for yourself. In any case, I certainly think that this carries over onto a much more personal level. For those of you who don't know, I struggled with depression a year and a half ago. For about 3-4 years now, I've also been handling anxiety and learning to cope with it. I know everyone loves to say "New Year, New Me"- I am not one of those people. I have been making progress all of last year and I fully plan on continuing this progress into this year. I don't need a date to tell me it's time to change, or to tell me how far I've come. That being aside- I have fought a great deal to get to where I am today. If you've never struggled with depression, you wouldn't understand how hard it is to wake up every day and go to war with your mind... because that's essentially what you're doing. It seems impossible and even hopeless to start trying to get better. Your mind will tell you that it isn't worth it and that you'll just slide back into the abyss anyway.... but I promise you, once you make the small efforts, it makes all the difference. One person, when asked to describe depression, said the following: "You asked me how depression felt, and this is all I could come up with. It feels like I'm walking upstream through a current strong enough to pull me under four times over. There are others with me, but they are walking along the banks telling me to "just get out of the water". But instead of extending a hand in help, they just move on and leave me behind. Every once in awhile I find a rock that is strong enough for me to lean on, and I can rest for a bit. But the rocks always get tired of holding me up, and when they let go, I'm left drowning, thrown 50 ft. back again. And nothing is harder than standing up in that current when everything in you is telling you how much easier things would be if you just let yourself get dragged under." There are countless other quotes about depression that could give you accurate insight into what it's like, but it truly is a horrible thing. Recovery, for me, began in realizing that I was responsible for my own happiness. Nothing else in this world can make me happy but myself. I realized that the most dangerous thing that anyone could do was make someone or something else their happiness... because in doing so, you're giving that person/thing control over you. No one should control how you feel aside from you. Yes, others can do things to make you happy- I'm not saying that you can't derive happiness from other things. All I'm saying is that at the end of the day, when all of those superficial things fall away... you should still be able to find happiness within yourself and within the little things in life. I started taking walks outside more frequently. I started appreciating nature more. I started erasing those who caused me stress and drama from my life. I started to not care what others thought of me. I made improvements to my lifestyle that made me feel good about myself... when you first start making progress, you won't be conscious of it. It may seem like a lost cause, but when you finally start to notice the change in yourself... it makes life so much more worth it. I can soundly say that I love the person I've become. Everyone has their low days, but for the most part... I am happy. And best of all, I am happy for myself. And no one else. I have control over my happiness and I am so glad I've learned to see the brighter side of life. My best advice is to start taking time for yourself.... don't give pieces of yourself away to those who wouldn't stand by you and help you build yourself back up. "I understood myself only after I destroyed myself. And only in the process of fixing myself, did I know who I really was." - Maddie
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Archives
September 2021
Categories
All
|