"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned the hard way that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what is going to happen next." That profound statement was by Gilda Radner. For those of you born after 1990, Gilda Radner was a comedian best known for her work on Saturday Night Live in the late 1970's. One of her characters, Roseanne Roseannadanna, is still mentioned when people speak of the show even though its been over 35 years since it was last shown live. Gilda died in 1989 from ovarian cancer at the age of 43.
The quote above comes from a book Gilda wrote after her cancer had gone into remission. Sadly her cancer came back and killed her. The quote is very blunt and reminds us that life isn't always what we want it to be. It's optimistic, though, too, because it tells us to take the moment and make the best of it. Live and do your best, and if life throws you a lemon, make lemonade. There is a lot of sadness in the world, and some of it will inevitably come your way. The trick is not to allow it to take control of you and change your life for the worse. My wife's death certainly changed the ending that I had foreseen for myself. My wife was ten years younger than me, and I always expected that I would die before she did...when we were both old and gray. I never thought that at 45 I would be raising two children on my own, or frankly that I would be running my own business. Life happens though, and that is exactly what I was doing. Rather than lamenting that my life wasn't following my loose expectations, I tried and try to take each moment as it happens and make the best of it. I set goals for myself and actually take steps to achieve them. There is not always a perfect ending though. Sometimes I have to make do with what actually happens compared to what I picture. This particularly holds true when my plans involve others. My plans and goals don't always necessarily match up with the goals and plans of others. When this happens, I accept that others also have views on how things should be, and I then make a decision about whether or not my goals are still worthy of pursuing, only without that other person involved. Remember, not all endings are perfect. Some, like Gilda's could not be changed. Some endings can be changed, You just need the wisdom to know the difference. Dreams can be achieved...if you plan your path. If others do not want to join you on your journey, then you have to decide whether the journey has to be changed, or the people on it. Life is short. Some times brutally so. Whether you are at the beginning middle or end of yours, make your decisions wisely. Use logic to make your best choices. And don't get upset if others choose differently. Aside from health issues and accidents, you do have a choice. While not everyone will agree with your choices, and there could be unforeseen consequences, follow your logical decisions and to some extent follow your heart. Don't make decisions based on laziness, or based on what your friends are doing. Base them on what you truly want your future to look like. A life of freedom and creativity, or a life of always having you nose to someone else's grind stone...just making enough to pay your necessary expense and little left for anything else? When I was younger, I made decisions that impacted the rest of my life. I have few true regrets. The ones I have for the most part involve small personal things and then the major thing (the death of my wife). Choosing Sharon as my wife was never a regret. Not being able to help her beat her addictions will always haunt me though. Decisions I made that did not have the outcomes I wanted or expected will stay with me the rest of my life. In the end, I realize that it was decisions made by Sharon that led to her death. Still, that doesn't stop me from playing the what might have been game. Make your decisions wisely, because you will have to either live or die with them.
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