"Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth." That's a quote by Ludwig Borne, a German satirist who wrote in the early 1800's. I like this quote because I believe there are many illusions, yet only one truth on nearly any subject. Take love, for instance. Our divorce rates show that many people really don't know love, even though we are all searching for it. What is love? Can any one definition truly work for all people? To rip off another quote from Ludwig: "Nothing is permanent but change, nothing constant but death." If this is true, can there be a constant definition for love? A definition that remains constant across the centuries, and across all cultures?
The dictionary has seven definitions for "love" as a noun alone. It has seven more definitions for using the word as a verb. With that many definitions floating about, it's no wonder the divorce rate is so high! No one knows what the fuck someone else is talking about when they talk about being in love! We are all looking for love? Love is likely the greatest illusion of all. When some say love, they may mean sex. When others say it, they might mean commitment. Still another might mean great affection for. With all honesty I have said "I love pizza." And I do! I love to eat pizza is what I mean... or in other words, I have great affection for eating pizza. The love I have for pizza, is still different than the love I felt for my wife. The love I felt for my wife fits five of the seven definitions of love in the dictionary. Meanwhile, the love I feel for my daughters fit only one definition. Does this mean my love for my daughters is any less than the love for my wife? Absolutely not! It just means that there are more than one type of love, and that one is more appropriate for a wife and another is more appropriate for a daughter, or well, even pizza! Too many people talk lightly about love and cannot define it for themselves. They live a life of illusion. Before marrying someone, you need to break through these layers of illusion and find out what your own definition of love is ... And whether or not it matches that of your potential spouse. I believe many people do not know what they are talking about when they say love. Oftentimes, they will just repeat the words that the other is telling them. The best way to see if your definition of love matches up with the definition held by the one you love is to have both of you write down your definitions. At the same time, write down your expectations for what would make a happy marriage. Do the definitions match up? Do the expectations? Congratulations! You have just broken through a layer of illusion that many people never even recognize exists. So does losing an illusion make you wiser than finding a truth? I think so. In the movies, you always hear characters saying "No illusions! Tell me the truth!" In one movie, Jack Nicholson yells "You can't handle the truth!" And you know what, while he was incorrect about what he was screaming about, he is absolutely correct about nearly everything else in life. We all live lives of illusion. And it only takes a slight breeze to gently move the curtain and show you the reality. Reality often bites! When we get a glimpse of reality... a form of truth, we are wiser for it, but not always happier. Some illusions are good. They are there to protect us. Whether we know it or not. Sweeping them away, one by one, will make us wiser...just not necessarily happier. Be careful what you wish for. You just might find it. Truth can be a harsh lover.
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