I may get around...I may laugh alot... Now you'd think that I'd be happy with the life I got Nobody knows...nobody sees Ain't nobody really knows the inner side o'me... I may seem secure...I could have it made... You might think you see a lucky man who made the grade Nobody knows what dreams I see Ain't nobody really sure just who they wanna be... Those are lyrics by Billy Squier. I used to listen to him a lot when I was in high school and college. I thought about that song for the first time in a long while last night. My daughter and I were coming back from the movies and we were chit-chatting about different things. Somehow, we got to a conversation where I brought up we all wear many masks... a bastardization of Shakespeare's "All the world's a stage" quote meshed with Andre Berthiaume's "We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin." quote. She mentioned to me that while it's true we all play many parts, she tries to keep on the same face and be the same throughout. Very admirable, but also nearly impossible to do (at least to me, anyway). I thought about my own life, and where I need to keep parts of me in check. Not in major ways mind you, but just in little ways where decorum calls for a different attitude. In church for instance, where I find it is better to sit quietly rather than kid around with my daughters and try to make them laugh... or at the dojo where I try to just focus on my workout. Those are just basic examples. There are others too. But our talk brought those lyrics to mind after so many years of not thinking of them. It was weird, because what we were talking about barely touched upon what I think about when I read those lyrics. For quite a while when I was younger, I felt misunderstood. Not so much about what I said, but about what I didn't say. Oftentimes, I would hide my true inner feelings away figuring people would just know from looking at me or the way I acted. And to some extent, that was true. Those who knew me really well, DID know somethings about me. But not all things. You see, we all do wear masks that we hide behind. Sometimes we don't even realize it. They have become so comfortable in some situations that we put them on without even realizing it. Our friends and lovers, those that know us best, have seen many of the masks... and they can still recognize us for who we are. They may even chuckle when we put on a mask we may not have worn in a while. But I doubt anyone knows all of our masks... including ourselves! Now don't get me wrong. I am not talking about something sinister here. And mask may be the wrong word for what I am talking about. I guess I am talking about a break in your usual behavior pattern, or facial expression, or way you say something. Verbal and nonverbal cues that you are putting on a facade. We all do it. Whether it is our biggest exaggerated smile for a baby, or the look of empathy that crosses your face when you hear a sad story about a person you really know nothing about. There is nothing wrong with these affectations, unless you let them fool you as well. And this, I think, is where we all fail. We become so used to wearing certain mantles, that we allow them to graft onto our skin, and make us into people who we are not. When your inner feelings differ from your outward persona on a regular basis, then this has happened to you. Don't let this happen to you. When your inner feeling match your outward persona, this is when you are one. It is alright to put on a mask on occasion... so that you don't scare the hell out of children, for instance. Or so that you can sit through the church service without disrupting the Mass. Just don't let any one mask become you. True living comes from a life without masks. Cheers to you Maddie, for inadvertently reminding me of that. (For the record. "Nobody Knows was a great song by Billy Squier. He dedicated it to the life of John Lennon. The last couple of verses of the song are below.) * Photo by Maddie by the way! "I see my future at the rainbow's end
Happy hours...timeless friends And if I ever chance to find my way Rest assured...I will stay... You may see your life as a compromise You may live to find the promise dancin' in your eyes Nobody knows...it's meant to be... Let the magic of the moment say it all to me."
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