The longer I live, the more I realize that the answer to all of my problems lie in questions. Any time I have a problem, I find I can't solve it until I find the right question. Over the past few years I was struggling on a number of levels. Metaphorically, my house was burning down around me, and my focus was on putting out little fires here and there, rather than how to take care of the entire conflagration at once.
The problem was that I was asking myself the wrong questions. An easy example can be found with the family finances. At one point, my expenses started to rise exponentially due to a number of reasons while my income was falling. I immediately started cutting back on expenses trying to conserve cash. I was focusing on the wrong questions. I was asking myself "How can I save some cash?". I should have been asking "How can I increase my income?". That likely would have saved me some grief in the near term. Even so, in hindsight, that would have been the wrong question as well. It would have been a better question (possibly), but still the wrong question. The question that would have helped me on all fronts would have been "How can I better allocate my time so that I can attack and solve all of my problems at once?" To tell you the truth, I still can't answer that one. I see now, that if I tried to answer that question, things likely would have been different and likely slightly better. Even so, I still can't see how it could have solved my real problem...that there were not enough hours in the day to get everything I needed to do, done. I do think that if I thought about it, I could have came up with a schedule that would have helped a bit in every area, but likely not enough to solve the problems. A baby's needs must be taken care of directly, not at the whim of a self imposed schedule. If her diaper needed to be changed at 3:00 in the morning, then so be it! That would not have been able to wait, even if I had a schedule for when I should be sleeping. I am rambling now. There is a part of me that honestly feels that questions are the answers we are looking for...and that asking questions are the right way to solve problems. At the same time, life happens! All the questions in the world will not stop a baby from needing to have her diaper changed! I guess there are some questions that just don't have a good answer. Back then, many people would think: Need more cash? Get a real job! Outside of the home! Yes, but then other more important things are neglected. I have two young daughters, who are already growing up without a mother. They need nurturing at a level that a nanny just can't give. They need to learn to love, not just like. They need a parent in their lives! As do all children. I have a wife, or ex-wife who is very sick and needs help. I cannot and will not abandon my responsibilities! Not then. Not now. Not ever! Another question: "Nannies couldn't help you? Yes, nannies did help some. But nannies work a schedule and are expensive. They also don't take the place of a parent. If you believe a nanny was the answer for me, then why don't you go and have a babysitter raise your children? See how that works for you. Questions? Yeah, they lead to answers...it's just that sometimes those answers aren't always the right ones. When that is the case, it is likely because we aren't asking the right questions to begin with. You may be asking "Where the hell is he going with this post?". I don't know. When I started out, I wanted this to be a happy post that showed how asking the right questions will give you the answers you need. I still think they can, but now I realize that it all doesn't come down to asking one question. One question can't give you the cure all to all of the problems in your life. The answer, I think lies in never stopping asking questions. I am in a more comfortable place now than I was a few years ago. No one question got me here. I asked and answered many questions. And I am still asking more every day! How can I better help Ashleigh to learn to read? How can I help Maddie to get through her teenage angst years? How do I pursue my own happiness? Next week, I may have different questions. In fact, I know I will. Questions are the elixir of life! You only stop having questions when you die! In the end, the tragedy of life would be to not ask good questions in the first place and then also, to have not tried to pursue the answers. That's enough for one day. Do you have a question you want answered? If not, then you just aren't living life to its fullest. Pursue your questions and look for answers.
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