I'll admit, I haven't slept yet tonight. I took a long nap earlier because I had a migraine, and it completely totaled my sleeping schedule. I played xBox until roughly 2:15, and then decided to call it a night and go upstairs to bed. 2 hours later, I've been lying awake and staring at my ceiling and I've decided to put my mind to work and write the 4 blog posts that I know need to be done before I can see anyone tomorrow. What these posts will amount to, I have no idea. Right now, I feel completely un-inspired and drained, if I'm honest.
I'd like to talk about myself for a moment- and I promise it won't be egotistical bragging. Recently, I've been getting more headaches than normal and in general, I've felt more stressed. As my schoolwork has picked up, I've felt an intense pressure to stay on top of everything while maintaining good grades. I've also been studying for my sensei test (I'll be testing in December) and in November, I'll be busier than ever as I pick up an additional course and begin driver's ed. While this year has certainly amounted to be quite productive for me, it's beginning to take its toll and I can see it in my own levels of motivation. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel like giving up on any of these large goals- my motivation for them has never been higher. I'm quite driven to accomplish everything. My lack of motivation comes when I start to set aside time to spend with my friends, boyfriend, or even just downtime to play a game or take a hot bath. By the time my day is done, I'm drained. I've had an exhausting day both mentally and physically, and I can't do much else aside from collapse into my favorite chair and sit there. I'm not inspired to talk, to write, or to do much else than rest... and it sucks. All of my energy gets poured into my schooling, my karate, and even my cooking, now. Of course, on the weekend I do have some time to myself. Usually, I end up spending the most time hanging with my boyfriend, either watching movies, hiking, or just sitting about drinking tea and talking about life. It's relaxing and can be a nice break from the week. However, sometimes I feel that I don't divide time evenly between my family, my friends, and my boyfriend (no thanks to many snide remarks from friends about how much time I spend with Seth) and guilt ends up eating away at me from the inside out... and that in and of itself is enough to soil a perfectly good day. Tomorrow, I know exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to try to wake up decently early, and I'm going to take a long, hot shower. After that, I'm going to exfoliate my face and use my favorite bubble clay mask. While I wait for it to set, I'm going to make myself some tea and either watch youtube or a good movie. I'm going to pamper myself, and I'm going to relax. I'll then go to karate, hopefully have a wonderful class, and then come home and make a delicious dinner. I'm determined to have a good day. - Maddie
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