"Enlightenment is the moment the wave realizes it is the water. At that moment, all fear of death disappears." That is a quote by Thich Nhat Hanh. So who is Thich Nhat Hanh? He is a Buddhist Monk from Vietnam, who now lives in France. He is a peace activist and and an advocate of living now and just being present. I don't know about you, but I would always like to be at peace...and still be alive of course. Listening to Thich, you would think that he may have already achieved that.
It is rare to meet a true follower of zen. When I was younger, I enjoyed to meditate and look for my inner peace. I was only ever slightly successful at this. Usually, I'd still have thousands of thoughts going though my head, and opinions on everything. I could never truly just let everything go. Sure on occasion I would reach a state where I just let everything run its course, but it was usually after a long period of trying to fight the tide of problems that were trying to drag me under. Once I finally said, "you know, I did my best and now I just need to let actions take their course, while I do what I think is best'." did things finally start to clear. Sometimes, the worry that you have about things going on in your life, is exactly what is stopping you from resolving the issue. When you realize the worry won't help matters is when you get that zen-like peace. I have only experienced this feeling on an issue by issue basis. I would love to have this feeling all of the time. But a lifetime of worrying develops into a habit that is hard to overcome. If the wave needs to realize that it is the water to reach enlightenment, what do we need to realize about ourselves to achieve the same thing? I think the answer to this question can be different for each person that asks it. In fact, I wonder that if in asking the question at all if we can truly reach that enlightenment. Would an enlightened person spend his time wondering about who or what they are? I'd love to ask Thich Nhat Hanh that question. Unfortunately, I know that I am not yet enlightened, and a drive for answers is part of my being. I love to learn and I have an incessant urge to learn everything I can every day. Why? I don't know. But I'd like to find out. And THAT is how I know I am not yet enlightened. If I was enlightened, I would still learn things every day... I just wouldn't feel driven to do it. I would not focus my attention to learn something about this subject at this time, or that subject at another. I would just be. The wave thinks about itself as a wave yet it is water. Yet isn't it something more than just water too? To become a wave, something, somewhere, had to be added. Something started that water moving in the direction it is moving. We know that from basic science. Yet the quote ignores this external force that started the movement of the water. Yet when the force dissipates, the wave returns to its simplest form...water. We are the water. You and I. What forces set us in motion? What form will we return to once that force dissipates? Answer that question, and you are started on the path to enlightenment. Unfortunately for me, I have no real answer for that question. I am not sure Thich Nhat Hanh has that answer either. Although he is no doubt further down the path to enlightenment than I am, the fact that he has a schedule and travels to meet it points toward him not being enlightened either. Wouldn't an enlightened person not feel the need to be anywhere at any given time? Wouldn't his ability to just live in the present prevent him from making plans to be anywhere specific at any given future time in the future? How does it really work? I know that deep down, I am searching for something. Something to bring me peace within myself. What will it really take to attain that? I just don't know. I want to realize what I am, but I just can't see it. Unfortunately, I want an answer to a question I can't even form properly. I don't think any of us can. And THAT is what it's like to be human. "Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking." That's a quote from Marcus Aurelius. Best known as a stoic philosopher, he was also a Roman Emperor! Out of the two, I'd rather be known as a stoic philosopher. Still, if he wasn't Emperor, I doubt we would know him as a philosopher at all. Why is it we remember the names of generals and politicians that led to the death and suffering of thousands of people, yet never know the names of common people who did incredible things?
The answer to that last question is likely the quote! Think about it, billions of people have lived since the beginning of time. I am certain that many of them lived overly happy lives. Some of them may have been brutally short, but happy nonetheless. What makes for happiness? Do you need to be a stoic philosopher or a Roman Emperor? I think not. And what about Marcus Aurelius himself? He seems to have lived half his life as emperor on campaign, killing people. Does THAT make for a happy man? For a man who espoused a philosophy of service and duty, probably. Think about that. Service and duty. Does a man owe service to anyone but himself or his family? What is a person's true duty? And who decides that? Do we owe service to the state? Why? Most large "states" have become corrupted over time. Should we serve corruption? I believe the best service we can do for someone is to teach them how to think. Not what to think, mind you, but HOW to think. Too many people seem to go through life without taking their individual actions to their logical conclusions. I will smoke a cigarette now, because I like the feeling that the nicotine gives me. Multiply this actions by the thousands of times that may happen over a lifetime and you have a good chance of getting lung cancer. I am not just getting down on smokers here folks. What about the person who relaxes with a beer? Or the person who calms their fears with a doughnut? My wife drank herself to death. Esophageal varacies to be exact. She had first gotten esophageal varacies and was told she needed to stop drinking or she was going to die. She stopped for a while, but her addiction got the best of her, and she eventually went back to drinking and died from it. She isn't the only one. Others have been diagnosed with diabetes and kept eating sugary snacks. They figure, this one doughnut won't kill me...never thinking that it isn't the one, but the compilation of the many. That last example was my Dad. My Dad taught me many things, but the one lesson that had a huge impact on me is a lesson he never knew he taught me. Watching him die from the complications from his diabetes taught me that that is not how I want to go out of this world. By the time he passed, my Dad was taking about seventeen pills a day, He had numerous heart operations, he had had toes amputated and he was on dialysis. His last couple of years were very tough on him. I sometimes wonder if he had ever thought past the pleasure of that doughnut, or that full sugar soda, to what they may cause later. When I was younger, I never thought past the immediate pleasure. I started to look past it, originally when I was in college and I saw how my grades were suffering from a lack of study and too much drinking. I put myself in AA then, to help get past my problem and get my grades back. I did it, eventually. I graduated in five years, but sadly went back to "casually" drinking. Essentially, I was a functional alcoholic. I finally stopped once my wife (then my girlfriend) confessed that she was an alcoholic and asked me to help her stop. I quit right then and tried to help her to do the same. Unfortunately, she was never able to stop and fourteen years later she was dead. Seeing what was happening to my Dad started me on a road to eating healthier. I read up on diabetes and sent him articles trying to educate him on the disease and help him to make changes to his lifestyle that would help him. I don't think he read any of them. I did read, them, though, and made changes to my own lifestyle to help me not to follow in his footsteps. At one time, my blood tests showed that I was just a tad below being considered pre-diabetic. That scared me. I went on a diet and lost weight. I cut out bread and pasta and most sugary snacks and treats. (I occasionally eat a coffee roll or pretzels...hey I am not perfect!). The end result is that I have lost sixty-five pounds and my blood tests have improved to where my levels are at dead center for healthy blood sugar levels. It is a struggle to stay on a low-card diet, particularly when the cook at my house thinks that it is all bullshit. I have tried to give her the literature, but she says she is too old and busy to read it. Thinking past the comfortable is one of the signposts on the way to happiness. The more areas in your life where you can force yourself to think past the comfortable, the happier you will be. Poison with a lump of sugar in it is still poison. There are better ways to relieve stress than to eat or drink yourself to death. We all have our weaknesses. Better to recognize them for what they are and then find ways to combat them. This post has drifted away from where I originally intended for it to go. I think this message is important, though, so I hope you can read between the lines. Life is what you make it. You will make it more by thinking. I usually write these blogs for my daughters, Today, I have written it for them, but also for three other people. Two likely won't read it unless I ask them to. Even then, I am not certain they will read it...or if they do, they won't see the message as pertaining to them. The third person likely will read it. I hope she can think through it and see the deeper message. "We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality." This is a quote by Iris Murdoch. Iris was a British author best known for her books about, philosophy, good and evil, sexual relationships and morality. She considered herself a follower of Plato, and that's likely where her thoughts on illusion and reality stemmed from.
So do we live in a world of illusion? In more ways than one, the answer would seem to be yes. Scientists will be the first to tell you that there is more to this world than we can perceive. There are light waves that the human eye cannot perceive and tones that the human ear cannot hear. These facts alone tell us that we are living in a world where we can see only part of the total picture. In fact, tests were done during the 1950's that showed that there can be a microwaved transmission of speech directly into the auditory cortex. It is called the Frey effect (named after the scientist who discovered it), and it allowed the scientist to beam a message to an individual, who would hear the message in his head while no one else around them could hear it! Have you ever thought you heard a voice but no one else heard it? Perhaps you did. The point is, how do we know reality? If people can beam thoughts into your head with microwaves, and the media willingly and easily changes photographs or only writes the news they want you to see. How can we really know what is reality and what is only an illusion. Should we assume that everything around us really is an illusion? Can we believe our eyes? Our thoughts? Our emotions? I have seen people who thought their spouses loved them, and yet later they found out that their spouse was cheating on them. Who can you really trust? If you can't even trust your own senses, is there anyone you can trust? Okay, I took that last thought process to an extreme. We all do live in a world of illusion. But sometimes, those illusions are necessary to help keep our sanity. The reality is that we can only trust everyone so far. I trust my daughters and my mother with my life. And yet I know that all of them lie to me occasionally on small matters. "That hair cut looks great!" "I didn't eat the last doughnut Daddy!" Is my trust in them an illusion. No, it is my reality. I know that my family will occasionally lie about small matters. That is a reality. On larger issues, I believe I can trust them. The reality is that I need that illusion, and so do they so that we can all live together amicably. Away from my family, my trust wears thin. While I'll generally trust my friends to do the right thing, I do keep my eye open for instances where things are not really as they seem. I have nearly no trust for the government or the media. Oftentimes, while out in the real world I like to follow the money, or the who benefits doctrine. When I hear something that doesn't sound 100% on the up and up, I try to figure out who will benefit from the situation, and then try to find if there was any manipulation to lead to the odd outcome. Unfortunately, I can find those connections rather easily when it comes to the government or large corporations. In the end, the reality is that we all live lives of illusion. Sometimes, the more you can see the illusions the less happy you will be. Other times, the opposite will be true. In the end, I'll finish with another quote. "Be careful what you look for...you just might find it!" "Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do." This is a quote by John Wooden, an amazing college basketball coach. His teams won the NCAA championship 10 times in a 12-year period, including seven years in a row! To give some perspective, no one else has been able to win it more that two years in a row...in the entire history of the tournament. Although he was a great coach, his players loved him for the life lessons he gave, since a lot of what he taught could be used both on and off the court. The above quote is a great example of his coaching style.
Too many of us let what we can't do stop us from doing what we can. Oftentimes what we mean by can't is "don't want to" or "overwhelmed". While nothing can make you want to do something, sometimes just starting with the right attitude is enough to pull you through. Personally, I find that nothing logical is impossible. It could be improbable or hard, but not impossible. A good example of this is saving money. So many people go through life with little to no savings. And yet these are the same people you see out at Starbucks twice a day or riding about in new cars or ATVs. Their thinking never goes beyond the now. Yet by cutting out one Starbucks coffee per day, they would be able to save at least $1,100 a year! I am sure all of us could live with one less cup of coffee per day! And yet so few people do so. On the flip side, some people get overwhelmed thinking about the size of the task ahead of them that they fail to take even the littlest step towards accomplishing their goal. Remember, even the longest journey starts with a single step! When you have a large task in front of you, break it down into a number of smaller steps. Remember, if something is logical, than it is likely possible... and the best way to achieve the goal is to start with what you already know is possible. So what is it that you want to achieve? So many people just feel so trapped in their current circumstances that they never even stop to think what it is that they actually want. Knowing what you want goes a long way towards making the impossible possible. Find out what you actually want to do, before you call it impossible. Do you want to meet someone new? Then go somewhere where you can meet someone new! Or, better yet, approach and talk t someone that you see in the places you do go. How many of us pass people nearly every day, yet never even give that other person a nod of acknowledgement? I know I do! Oftentimes when I go out I go to the same places. After going to these places a few times, I'll see familiar faces, yet I won't know their names or anything else about them. Instead, I'll make up my own nicknames for them...Smiley, chubby, cutie, grumpy, etc. While I may not want to meet all of them (grumpy quickly comes to mind), what stops me from talking to the rest of them? Particularly since a part of me wants to become more sociable. Meeting these people is certainly possible. Yet in my mind I say impossible. Fear of being thought strange, or of offending someone, or scaring people...general shyness holds me back. Yet by doing the possible, I would defeat those thoughts that my situation was impossible. So, what holds you back from making the "impossible" possible? In what way can I help you to make something impossible for you Possible? Remember, don't ask me to do it for you! Then it would still be impossible for you. But how can I help to make you complete the task that you have ahead of you? If it is logical, then it is likely possible. Examine your dreams. See what parts of your impossibilities are possible...and start from there. And soon you will find that what is logical and you thought impossible, is both possible and probable. It's just how you approach it! Okay, no quote today! What can I do? Who cares?! It's what I can't do that interests me. If you always set out to do what you can do, then there is no growth and you can't progress. Therefore, it is best to try to do what you can't do. Over and over again, until you can do it. Thus you increase what you can do and have a fuller life because of it.
I was just reading a blog post by James Altucher. It was a long post, and most of it just wasn't memorable to me. Yet there is one part near the end where it really hit home. He was writing about how his daughter had just lost a tennis match. He asked her " 'What did you learn?" She said, “What do you mean? I was disappointed.” He wrote: "If she always sticks to only what she can do (a safe, consistent serve instead of a harder one that will miss more) then she will never get better at what, right now, she can’t do." It’s the can’ts that add up to a win or a loss. The “cans” just keep you in the box of what is safe. That last line is brilliance in a simple form. The world doesn't progress with what "CAN" be done, but it takes astounding leaps when someone accomplishes what in the past couldn't be done. Think about it: In 1969 NASA put a man on the moon. One hundred years earlier, man was only going aloft in balloons. In 1903, Orville and Wilbur Wright brought us the first heavier-than-air flight. In 1926, Robert Goddard invented the first liquid-fueled rocket and by the 1950's man was leaving the earth's atmosphere. Man progressed by doing what they previously could not. Nowadays, Elon Musk is trying to land a man on Mars! In the years since 1969, We have put space stations in orbit around the earth, and we have put rovers on Mars, as well as numerous other accomplishments in space exploration. All of these wonderful discoveries and achievements are being driven by men and women who are not afraid to try what they can't do. On a more personal level, we don't have to aim for the stars to do something that we have never done before. For me, the martial arts and my writing give me two outlets to do things I have never done before. In karate, I have been working on spinning hook kicks to the head for months. When I first started practicing them, I could barely do a spinning hook kick to the body let alone to head level. The more I practiced the kick I could barely do, the better I have gotten at it. Now I can hit the bag at head level regularly with my spinning back kick. I now work on the timing so that I can actually land it against a moving target. As for my writing, I am always trying to push the envelope. In general, I write for a living. I work for Value Line and I cover 49 stocks and an industry. At a minimum, that amounts to about 200 articles a year. Supplementary reports likely bring that number closer to 250 pages. On top of that, I also write 5 blog posts a week for Mountain Rants. That means an additional 260 posts a year. It is with Mountain Rants where I can really try to push the envelope. I use Mountain Rants to tell my daughters things that I want them to know. Little life lessons to help them learn to think or live their lives more happily. The beauty of the posts is that they are there for posterity. My daughters, and others, can look at them whenever they like. Hopefully, they will find one or two ideas that will make their lives easier in the coming years. When I am not trying to teach my daughters something, I try to explore my own thoughts so I can see where I am in my life. No one is perfect, myself included. The only way to move forward is to examine where I am and where I have been. Socrates once said: "An unexamined life is not worth living." For Socrates, I think he meant that he wanted people to make conscious, ethical choices. For me, it means to see where I am now and how I can better myself in the future. Moving forward isn't found in the can. It is found in the can't. What is it that I can't do now, that I may be able to do with a little practice or trial and error? Where can I then go once I am able to do that? These are the questions that I look to answer. The final question is: Is it worth doing? We all only have so much time on this earth. Why waste it doing something that just isn't worth the effort to do? The answer to that will be different for each person. While the time it would take me to learn how to play the guitar at 50 may not seem worth it to me, for someone else it may fulfill a life's dream. Meanwhile, others may find it incredibly stupid for a fifty-year-old guy to learn how to do a spinning hook kick to someone's head. To each their own. In the end, I am interested in the can't. While Elon Musk's urge to go to Mars may be a nobler effort than my spinning hook kick, the difference in our incomes make his can't a little closer for him to achieve than it would be for me. If I can get off this earth with having landed at least one spinning hook kick to the head and having taught my daughters all that I have wanted to teach them, then I'll have reached today's horizons. Will these goals be enough for me tomorrow? Nope. As long as I am alive my goals will continue to change.. or more likely to expand to include other can'ts. Right now, as I write this, I know I have other goals as well. Other can'ts that I want to become cans. This blog post would go on for pages if I let it. For now, these two will do for good examples. What can'ts do you want to turn to cans? "Reality is an illusion, albeit a persistent one!" Okay, who said that one Einstein? I am not going to tell you. You'll just have to figure it out for yourself. I am in a weird mood tonight so I thought I'd talk about reality.
When talking about reality, it's best to find out who's reality you are talking about so that there aren't any mistakes. My reality is much different than my mother's or my daughters' for that matter. In fact, your reality is also much different than mine. Yet we all pretend to be living in the same reality. Think of the reality of a five-year-old girl. Her reality is very limited. The extent of her knowledge is very small still, thus her ability to think about her options is limited. My daughter's reality is that I am here for her, as is her grandmother and her sister. The dog is a nice distraction, as is karate and cartoons. She loves to play, and everyone she meets is a friend. Her reality is one of happiness and love...and about an hour a day when she is learning to read and do math. Karate is something she does for fun, and when she gets better at it, her friends Hanshi and Shihan gives her a new belt. Trips to the dojo are fun, and an adventure. If she's lucky, she gets a treat from Mc Donald's on the way home. Her Grandma, sister and Daddy all love her, and she knows she loves them. Yet she doesn't really know what love is. It is a word that can be used for many feelings. She loves cookies and cheese, and her toys too. She also loves nearly everyone she meets and she believes they all love her as well. And, in a way, they do. Likely in the same way she means she loves them. My daughter Maddie's reality is more varied. The horizons are further off and not filled with the wonder of Ashleigh's. While things can still be new and exciting for her, they are fewer and farther between than when she was younger. Not everyone is a friend in Maddie's world. Some just can't be trusted. Those she trusts, she trusts with her whole heart, and it hurts her if she then finds out that they can't be trusted. Her reality is one of conflicting emotions, logic and hope. It is a mix of the physical, the spiritual and the soul. Like Ashleigh's it is still evolving. Her reality would not be recognizable by her sister. Not yet anyway. Karate is also a part of Maddie's life. it is a place to be social, a place to learn and to test herself. A place where, she too, is tested. Maddie is now at a stage where reality is changing for her on a nearly daily basis. While some things are constant, oftentimes she doesn't see the consistency and is swept away in her ever-changing reality. Relax munchkin. Some things will never change, even if you want them to. A father's love will always be there for you. To help you through your tough times. A grandmother's and sister's love will also always be there. Explore your world. See what works...and what doesn't. See how you can best view, and shape your reality. Be patient. It gets easier. Look for the good, and you will find it. Don't settle for less than what you want. Use logic to help shape the reality you want. My reality is different than either of my daughters'. To steal a quote from Alan Watts, "I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is." I sometimes feel that half my waking hours I live in the past (memories). Thoughts of my wife, thoughts of things I've done. Memories both happy and sad. And each day, I try to fill my head with new memories. Happy ones to replace sadness. My morning hugs from my daughters, A moment of conversation with Maddie, playing with Ashleigh or having her jump on my back as we watch a video. These are my reality. What drives me to do everything else. A hard workout at karate, a new technique, a joke among friends. When I am away from my computer I live! Yet I work from my computer to allow that lifestyle. Reality needs balance, and I have yet to catch my balance fully since my wife's death. I live in my head. And yet I live in the physical world too. The action and the reality are where the two worlds collide. Reality for me now is like a comfortable couch, with a tiny cheese grater attached to it somewhere. It's comfy until you move and then you get the cosmic scrape. learn to move without the grater ripping into your soul, and life can be good. I find the memories sometimes have razors, though, so you have to be careful what you remember and when. There enough for one night. I am going to have to remember not to play hippy music when I sit down to write. Because for me, what a long strange trip this post has been! Take what you can from it. There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting. That is a quote by Buddha. I struggle with this quote, In a sense, he is right, If you are searching for truth on a particular subject, then those would be the two deadly sins. Where I struggle is that sometimes there are truths that are just too horrific to know. And once you realize that this might be the case, you may just be better off not knowing. I think its a decision we all need to make on our own.
What is the truth worth? In some instances, the truth may be worth your life. Oftentimes it's not though. The wisdom is in being able to tell the difference. At this point in my life, I like to look for the truth in many things, but in some things I just don't care anymore. What most people think about my personal decisions, I really don't care about. If I want someone's opinion about one of my decisions, I will ask them pointedly about it in private. Otherwise, I could care less what most people think about most subjects. My life has gotten simpler after taking this attitude. No more worrying about what other people think. So what are my truths? After 49 years my main truths are: 1. Treat others as you yourself want to be treated. 2. Look for peace, but be prepared to defend yourself. 3. Some people are worth dying for. Some aren't. 4. Not all laws are just. 5. Follow #1 and you will likely not break any laws! 6. Everything on TV is either a lie or an opinion. 7. Many people have an agenda...watch out for them! A lot of them won't be in your best interest. 8. To get closer to the truth, find out who benefits and how. 9. Think before making a decision. Logic trumps emotion. 10. Not everything you like is good for you...and you won't like somethings that are good for you! 11. A car is a tool. Don't make more out of it than it really is. 12. Don't judge a book by its cover..or people by their looks. 13. Listen more than you talk. 14. Only give advice when it is asked for...accept with your own children! 15. If you love someone, be there for them. There are probably more truths than that. Those are just the ones that came to mind. In fact, here's another: If you love someone, tell them every day...for one day, you won't have the chance to tell them. And you never know when that day will be. And if it happens to you, you will remember that for the rest of your life. That last one is one truth I wish I never had to learn personally. "Go put your creed into your deed." That's a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson. Regardless of what he meant or was implying with his quote, it's still good advice. Most people look upon a creed as a system of religious belief. It doesn't have to be though. A creed can also be a statement of belief or principles. I like the second definition better...even if your creed IS based on religious principles! Too many people get bent out of shape by religious denominations. While I too have a religious denomination, I try not to judge people by theirs. I try to judge them by their actions. Many people go to church, yet you wouldn't be able to tell which one by their actions. I am a catholic. Yet I have had a divorce, used condoms and think it's okay to miss church every once in a while when I have something to do. In fact, I am certain that there are other aspects of my faith that I don't follow either. Even so, I believe I am a fervent follower of Jesus. To me, there is a difference between my faith and my church. My church is an organization that was set up to teach the lessons of Jesus. It has a power structure and strict rules to keep its followers in line. Oftentimes, the rules of the church nearly seem to fly in the face of what Jesus actually taught (to me anyway). Meanwhile, my faith is driven by the word of God and the actions of Jesus. Jesus preached love, humility and charity. In a sense, he professed personal responsibility for one's actions and that his father was a God of forgiveness. So how do we put our creed in our deeds? By making sure our actions follow our principles. For me, I try to treat others how I myself like to be treated. If I say I am going to be somewhere, I do my best to make sure I am there on time. If I offer to do a job, I try to do it to the best of my ability. I take responsibility for my actions, and I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt... at least initially. Finally, I try not to force my way or opinions onto others. While I offer advice, I try not to demand that it is followed to the letter...my way or the highway so to speak. I make the final decisions about things that impact my life, though, just as others make decisions regarding theirs. It is at the crossroads where my decisions meet theirs where the truly hard decisions need to be made. In regards to my daughters, I am responsible for their upbringing and I try to do what is best for them. Where one of their decisions is at odds with my own, I will make the final decision at this time in their lives, although I will allow them to try to sway me to their position through the use of logic. The years teach much that the days never knew. Until my daughters have enough experience to make wise decisions, I will make the final decisions on many matters to help them find the wisdom to make good decisions. When they are grown, they will understand and hopefully help their own children to make wise decisions. So what is your creed? Kindness or spitefulness. Truth or lies? Reality or fantasy? The creed you follow will inevitably have a major impact on the quality of your life. Sometimes the world will give you lemons. Will you have the wisdom to make lemonade? Or will you just suck on the sourness of the fruit? by following my principles, I will try to make lemonade every time! "Make a game plan and stick with it...unless its not working." That is known as a Yogi-ism. In other words, it's a quote by Yogi Berra. Yogi died yesterday at the age of 90. In case you've lived under a rock for the past 60 years or so, Yogi was a Hall of Fame catcher for the New York Yankees. He was an MVP three times, an all-star 18 times and he was on a team that won the World Series a record ten times! Even with all of these things, he was best known for his amusing quotes. On the surface, they were dopey, but underneath it they made a little bit of sense. He had a knack for making people feel at ease around him, even though he was the greatest catcher of his generation, and possibly the best Yankee catcher of all time (yes, including Thurmon Munson). In honor of his passing, I'd like to talk about Yogi's quote on making plans. Rest In Peace Yogi, although I was too young to ever have seen you play, I am a fan. Make a plan and stick with it. Many people would say that line and just leave it at that. But it's just not enough to make a plan and stick with it. you also have to apply the plan and be willing to change it if it becomes clear that it isn't working out. Being flexible, and knowing when to be flexible are key points that I think Yogi was trying to point out when he allegedly said that quote. Everyone has some type of plan...even if it is subconscious. We all know what we want to accomplish, yet we all don't know how to get where we want to go. By setting a plan, we can make a road map towards achieving our goals. A map will only bring us so far, though. We need to be able to follow the map to bring us where we want to go. Sometimes the journey will get difficult. At those times, we need to be able to recognize shortcuts that will help us to reach our goal. If the road we are on leads to a dead end, it is all right to take a side path that will lead us around the obstacle. Planning will help us to see the shortest route from point A to point B. Sometimes, it won't show us the bumpiness of the road, though. When the road gets rough, it only makes sense to find a smoother path to follow. I do not mean changing the destination, but changing HOW you get there. This is the beauty of Yogi's quote. Make a plan, but if it isn't working, be flexible enough to change the path you take to get there. That's what successful people do. They do not change their goal, they change how they get to their goal. The wisdom is in knowing the difference. This quote is very true. In life, you can take many different roads and paths. I'm sure you've heard the Robert Frost quote, about "taking the road less traveled by". If not, go look it up on Google and come back to this post- it'll still be here. This quote is similar, in a way... but not the same. Taking the road less traveled by signifies leading your own life, forging your own path and law, and not simply following in the footsteps of those who went before you.
THIS quote is very similar in the way that it promotes being yourself and standing out... but it takes it to a more personal level. Being yourself in the mind and in how you act- not being afraid to be different. I think it's something that THIS generation in particular could do to follow- everyone nowadays seems hellbent on being unique; different from everyone else. However; at the same time... you're afraid to break the mold and be yourself for fear of rejection. This quote is a good reminder that being different is not bad. It shows that while being normal may be easier... it isn't always better. You don't get to be you. Even if you are more accepted as something you are not, it is still better to stick out a bit and show people who your truly are. Break the mold. Be you. "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind." - Dr. Seuss ~Maddie "I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned the hard way that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what is going to happen next." That profound statement was by Gilda Radner. For those of you born after 1990, Gilda Radner was a comedian best known for her work on Saturday Night Live in the late 1970's. One of her characters, Roseanne Roseannadanna, is still mentioned when people speak of the show even though its been over 35 years since it was last shown live. Gilda died in 1989 from ovarian cancer at the age of 43.
The quote above comes from a book Gilda wrote after her cancer had gone into remission. Sadly her cancer came back and killed her. The quote is very blunt and reminds us that life isn't always what we want it to be. It's optimistic, though, too, because it tells us to take the moment and make the best of it. Live and do your best, and if life throws you a lemon, make lemonade. There is a lot of sadness in the world, and some of it will inevitably come your way. The trick is not to allow it to take control of you and change your life for the worse. My wife's death certainly changed the ending that I had foreseen for myself. My wife was ten years younger than me, and I always expected that I would die before she did...when we were both old and gray. I never thought that at 45 I would be raising two children on my own, or frankly that I would be running my own business. Life happens though, and that is exactly what I was doing. Rather than lamenting that my life wasn't following my loose expectations, I tried and try to take each moment as it happens and make the best of it. I set goals for myself and actually take steps to achieve them. There is not always a perfect ending though. Sometimes I have to make do with what actually happens compared to what I picture. This particularly holds true when my plans involve others. My plans and goals don't always necessarily match up with the goals and plans of others. When this happens, I accept that others also have views on how things should be, and I then make a decision about whether or not my goals are still worthy of pursuing, only without that other person involved. Remember, not all endings are perfect. Some, like Gilda's could not be changed. Some endings can be changed, You just need the wisdom to know the difference. Dreams can be achieved...if you plan your path. If others do not want to join you on your journey, then you have to decide whether the journey has to be changed, or the people on it. Life is short. Some times brutally so. Whether you are at the beginning middle or end of yours, make your decisions wisely. Use logic to make your best choices. And don't get upset if others choose differently. Aside from health issues and accidents, you do have a choice. While not everyone will agree with your choices, and there could be unforeseen consequences, follow your logical decisions and to some extent follow your heart. Don't make decisions based on laziness, or based on what your friends are doing. Base them on what you truly want your future to look like. A life of freedom and creativity, or a life of always having you nose to someone else's grind stone...just making enough to pay your necessary expense and little left for anything else? When I was younger, I made decisions that impacted the rest of my life. I have few true regrets. The ones I have for the most part involve small personal things and then the major thing (the death of my wife). Choosing Sharon as my wife was never a regret. Not being able to help her beat her addictions will always haunt me though. Decisions I made that did not have the outcomes I wanted or expected will stay with me the rest of my life. In the end, I realize that it was decisions made by Sharon that led to her death. Still, that doesn't stop me from playing the what might have been game. Make your decisions wisely, because you will have to either live or die with them. "The more we value things, the less we value ourselves." This is a quote from Bruce Lee, one of the greatest martial artists of modern time (well, at least one of the better known ones anyway). Bruce was a man wise beyond his years (he died at age 33). Is the above quote true? I don't know. What I do know is that many people search for happiness through their possessions. I have found over the years that actually having an item doesn't usually bring me happiness. Instead, the quest for the item usually brought me more joy.
To this day, I still enjoy a good treasure hunt. On occasion, I'll bring my daughters out to garage sales, flea markets or antique stores. I usually don't have anything specific in mind when we go... I just like to look at old things and see if anything sparks my interest enough to buy it. When I was younger, my wife and I would always go on antique trips to visit out of the way antique stores in Pennsylvania and rural New Jersey. The trips were fun for us and we were looking to buy furniture to furnish our home in an authentic Victorian style. While we bought the occasional nice piece, we spent more time looking rather than buying. It's just what we liked to do to kill some time. I have many fond memories of our trips. So what happened to the antiques we actually bought? I still have them. They are peppered around my house. For the most part, though, I barely look at them, let alone use them. You see, the happiness came from looking for them, not in their purchase. Most of my friends have no appreciation for antiques. Thus, I rarely point out any of the pieces to them. They wouldn't care, and pointing them out would give me no pleasure. The hunt, though, I still look back on fondly. Over the past year, Maddie and I have been selling off many of Sharon's things at a local flea market. Most of the items hold no memories for either of us. She had so many clothes, that many of them still had price tags on them. She had never worn them. We have likely sold about 120 pairs of shoes already. Most at $2 to $5 a pair. Most of them, we don't ever remember seeing her wear. My wife sought happiness in possessions. It was part of her disorder. In the end, none of them brought her happiness. Her children brought her happiness. I (I think) brought her happiness. Yet she couldn't see past that. She was driven to purchase things...looking for that elusive happiness. In the end, Sharon had very low self esteem. She was overly critical of herself and she drank herself to death. Did she value things more than she valued herself? Sadly, I think there was a part of her that did. My wife had (has) a beautiful soul. She couldn't see it, though, and it tormented her. Do I value things? Not any more. I value memories. Seeing my daughters smile. Listening to them laugh. Seeing their faces light up as they see or learn something new. This is what I value. Things? I drive a 1997 Blazer and my plow truck is from 1992. I wear jeans and a T-shirt nearly every day and most times I walk around barefoot. I do have shoes (4 pairs actually, Cowboy boots for when I need to wear a suit, work boots for winter, an old pair of sneakers and a pair of sandals). From April to October I wear the sandals if I am leaving the house. Otherwise, I prefer to be barefoot. Instead of worrying about all that shit, I value memories. Memories that I build today with my daughters and the people around me so that I and they can look back on them fondly tomorrow. I know for a fact that I can't bring physical things with me when I die. I don't know if I can bring my memories. I pray that I can bring my memories... or at least that my daughters will remember some of them at least and smile long after I have left this world. "Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected." That little gem was said by Steve Jobs. And he is right. There is a reason that Apple products are so highly regarded. That's because their products are innovative and useful to the consumer...unlike some of the stuff that is for sale out there.
I don't know if its me, but I just don't see quality work any more. A lot of the products on the market today, no matter which product category you look at, seem to be junk. The last three air conditioners I have bought have lasted about two years. None of them worked very well to begin with, and then they just ended up dying. The brands were General Electric and Haier. Granted I gave Haier a try twice since one of them I suspected may have gotten hit by lightning. Still even before they broke, all three of them would have to be shut down at some point due to ice building up on the coils. Okay, so no luck with air conditioners, so what. What bout vacuums. I have hardwood floors throughout my house, so vacuums really don't get a hard workout on the four throw rugs I have. Even so, we go through about one vacuum a year and about five belts for each of them. When I was younger, vacuums worked for ever. We had one for about fifteen years when I was a kid. Now, it's one year tops! Well, maybe I am the only one having a bad time with appliances. So what about food and household products? Has anyone noticed that prices for common food stuffs have skyrocketed in price since we were kids? And when the prices don't go up, the size of the packages get smaller. A perfect example is found in pretzels. Pretzels haven't changed at all in fifty years. Yet the box that cost me $0.50 when I was a kid now cost me $1.39. They are the same pretzels... no improvements. The same size package...yet the price has more than doubled. This is not really a quality problem. At least not with the pretzels. The problem here is with the quality of our currency. The U.S. government (the Federal Reserve actually) has depreciated the dollar so much that prices have risen just to cover the depreciation in our currency. It is disgusting and it needs to stop! But this is a topic for a different blog post entirely. To get back to the quote at the top of the page, I think everyone needs to focus and make their LIVES the yardstick of quality. Do this by making sure that everything you do is done to the best of your abilities. So many people cut corners in their lives and then wonder why they are unhappy. We all have inner pictures of how we are. The more we cheat and take the easy way out, the more our inner picture gets distorted. It must be hard to hold a good self image of yourself if you are constantly lying. It must be hard to picture yourself as a success if you are constantly cutting corners or just saying something is good enough, even though you know in your heart that the job wasn't done properly. Words and thoughts have power. The more you give yourself the opportunity to look down on yourself, the harder it will be to build your self esteem. No one can do this for you. I can tell my daughters I think they are great everyday, but as long as they are doing things that lower their own self worth, they will never benefit from my praise. AND if I praise them about something I know is not true, then I can't honestly build my own self esteem either. I try to encourage my daughters every day. But I will not encourage them about something that isn't true. I might find something else to encourage them about, but I won't encourage them about something that isn't true. In the end, it is up to all of us to deliver quality in our own lives. No matter what I give my daughters, I can't build their self esteem. They have to do that on their own. Only they know how hard they worked on anything or how well something they did really is. To grow, they need to deliver quality. And so do I, if I want to grow as a person. Tonight, think of something you can do tomorrow where you can deliver real quality. When tomorrow comes do it! And do it to the best of your ability. After completing the task, see if you don't feel better about yourself. I know I will! This morning I had a dream. In it I was in a place I have never been, doing things I have never done, with faceless people that I seemed to know. I woke up suddenly (thanks Lucky) and so I remembered it. Given there was so much pointless stuff going on in my dream, it made me ask myself the age old question, "What is the meaning of life?" After 49 years I can tell you confidently that I don't have the slightest idea!
I mean, think about life, not just yours, but everybody's. Some are running around looking for more and more material things, while others are just struggling to survive another day. While some would say that life is just the pursuit of happiness, I would tend to disagree. The pursuit of happiness is just something some are in a position to do with their spare time. For others, life is a constant struggle just to survive. So what would the meaning be for them? I guess you could say they want happiness too, but that they are just having a harder time reaching it. My daughter, Maddie thinks that the real meaning of life was the pursuit of happiness. She points to the Garden of Eden as her example. She says while we were there, there was happiness...until we got kicked out. I disagree with her. I look at that story differently. If Adam and Eve were happy, then they would not have eaten the forbidden fruit. Even if the serpent didn't say a word, it's likely that they would have eaten it at some point or other. Why? Curiosity. Secondly, if God really didn't want man to eat from the tree, he would have placed them elsewhere. Most people view God as an all knowing being. If this is true, then he already knew that Adam and Eve were going to eat the forbidden fruit. If he didn't know, then he wouldn't be all-knowing. Out of all the stories in the bible, this story makes the least sense to me. To me, God already knew or should have known what was going to happen, if he was all-knowing. Thus, the whole situation looks more like a set up. A set up so that A. God could kick us out of the Garden of Eden, or B. he could set up a situation where he could blame the humans for their own downfall. Either situation doesn't point to a god to me. Secondly, think of the punishment God handed down for that transgression. Not only were Adam and Eve banished from the Garden of Eden, but everyone who came after them. Think about it! That would be like humans finding a murderer guilty and then hanging him and everyone in his family for the crime. That certainly doesn't sound like an all-loving god. But I digress. Suffice it to say that I don't think the pursuit of happiness is the meaning of life. A drug addict getting high is pursuing happiness...while he is killing himself in the pursuit. THAT is certainly NOT the meaning of life. The pursuit of happiness is something we all do, to some extent anyway, but I do not think it is the meaning. So what brings meaning to my life? My children. When I was at my lowest, I kept going for my children. Not for my own happiness, but to try and bring about theirs. What do you love more than yourself in life? I think that is the true meaning of life. To distill it further, I think the meaning of life can be different for each and every one of us. For me, it is that which I would willingly give up my life for. That would be my daughters. Everything else pales in comparison. In the end, I really don't know what the meaning of life is. For me, it is my daughters. That is as near an answer as I can reach. If any of you think you have figured it out, leave a comment and let me know. I don't think the pursuit of happiness has anything to do with it. I think that the pursuit of happiness is a distraction from the true meaning, and that to attain true happiness, you first need to learn the real meaning of life. Otherwise, any happiness you may find will be hollow and fleeting...similar to what everybody already seems to be chasing. "A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds." That is a quote by Saint Basil. I didn't even know there was a Saint Basil until I read his quote. There was more to the quote than this, but I decided to distill it a bit. He was getting a bit wordy.
Sometimes, words aren't necessary. Sometimes, they are. Wisdom comes in knowing the difference. Oftentimes people look at a man and make a judgement from what they see. While it's understandable, sometimes there is rot below the veneer. Other times a battered exterior covers over the spirit of a warrior. If you really want to know a man, or anybody really, watch what they do. Not what they do in front of the person they want to impress, but what they do when they think nobody is watching. A man's private actions never lie. A picture can be photo-shopped, a tale of daring can be exaggerated. What a man does when he thinks he is unobserved is the best way to judge his character. I have met many people over the years. Usually, you don't learn about a person until they let you in...they let you see a little part of their private life. No, I don't mean they friend you on Facebook. That is usually just more phony stuff. I mean that they introduce you to a family member or have you over the house or something like that. Oftentimes, the insights you get into their character will amaze you. Sometimes, when a person has invited me into their lives, I see them looking at me, as if I am going to find them wanting or something. I never find this is the case, though. Insights into someone's true self are almost always interesting to me. In truth, I find no one is really the public persona they try to portray. Tough guys are often very gentle with their children. Needy women are usually strong for their families. What does it mean? We all try, to some extent, to be someone we aren't. No one wants their true selves to be laughed at or mocked. Thus, they put up a phony front hat makes the hit to their self-esteem softer if they are ever confronted. If anyone ever calls you their friend, and then invites you into their lives, I recommend taking up the offer. You'll get to see who they truly are...and you'll be able to tell from their actions who they truly are. There is one exception to this rule though. If the person is interested in you for romantic reasons, then its likely you won't truly get a chance to see who they really are. That will likely take time since they will keep that mask on longer to protect their ego. That's about it for this post. It actually went into a totally different direction that what I originally imagined when I sat down to write this post. "Thus life and death, good and evil, the blessing and the curse, are set before us, that we may choose our way, and as our way so shall our end be." That, of course, is a quote from the bible. I like to look at the bible as both a history lesson and a road map for living. It's a history lesson to the extent that it tells us about life in ancient times. Unlike most history books though, it tells the story not from the victor's point of view (at least not all the time), but from the conquered's. Throughout history, the Jews have been both victor and conquered, and so have the Christians.
To me, it's the new testament that can be looked upon as the road map for living. The sayings of Jesus and the interpretations from the apostles really give you food for thought about how you want to live your life. When I started to write this post, I was thinking of the writings of Matthew. To be specific: "verily I say unto you, inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not unto me." I think of this quote from time to time, especially when I go to New York and see bums sleeping on the street. Everyone walks past them. On occasion someone stops and gives one or the other something to eat. I usually don't, so this isn't a I want to show off how moral I am story. Personally, I think this isn't what Jesus was talking about. I don't think that he wants any one person to go out to save the world. I do think he means to take care and treat kindly the people in your own community however. Closer to home, I do think he means to try and take care of each other. A kind word to a stranger in your own town. Helping a neighbor who is down on their luck...Even the way you interact with the people at your own place of worship. The reason I thought of this is because of a story I read on the internet the other day. A pastor was hired at a church where the congregation had never met him. With the permission of the church elders he wanted to walk among the flock before he was introduced to get to know them. On the Sunday he was to be introduced, he went to the church early. He didn't dress as a pastor, but instead wore shabby clothes and just introduced himself with his first name. He nodded and smiled to many people among the congregation and shook hands with others, saying a kind word here and there. Many people seemed put off by his appearance and spoke curtly with him. When he went to take a seat near the front of the church, ushers tried to steer him towards the back. When the church services began, the church elders stood and told the congregation that they wanted to introduce everyone to the new pastor. There was silence as the little man with the shabby clothes stood up and walked behind the lectern. (The church elders were in on the pastor's plan.) He looked out at the crowd, and his first words were: " verily I say unto you, inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not unto me." Whether or not this story is true, I think it shows that there is a vast difference between going to church and living one's faith. And I think we can all use a reminder about this every once and a while. God has given us a road map (the Bible). It is up to us to use it. There are many paths to both heaven and hell. The farther you stray from paths leading to one, is the same distance that you are straying towards the other. The Bible points out that none of us are perfect. That is true. That is why there are many paths towards grace. We must all do our best to stay on paths that lead towards salvation. One of the easiest paths to follow is to treat all members of the community with a modicum of respect. Remember, many of the apostles and the other followers of Jesus likely looked shabby. These were men and women who oftentimes gave away or left everything they had to follow Jesus. They likely weren't dressed in the finest clothing of the day, and personal hygiene likely wasn't high on their list of heavenly virtues. I try to treat everyone with a modicum of respect and meet them with a kind word. I only try to avoid people that I think could be dangerous, whether by chance or by choice. When I am in New York, I do not feel the need to save the world. In general, I do not feel the need to stop at every homeless person and give them food. I do feel the need to treat them with respect if they do come up to me and start speaking to me. That doesn't mean I feel the need to give them anything...It just means that I will not pretend that they did not speak with me. Instead, I will talk to them nicely and tell them no, nicely if they do ask for a handout. Closer to home, I try to help out where I can. There are many paths to heaven. No one can trod all of them. We can try to stay on the paths that can lead us there though. The Bible gives us a road map. Make sure to check it once in a while to see if whether the paths you are on lead in the right direction. Socrates once said that "The unexamined life is not worth living." People have debated for centuries what he meant by that. They don't know, you see, because after saying that line he chose to drink hemlock and end his life, rather than to live it in a way he did not choose. Quite a ballsy call!
You see, Socrates was a bit uncompromising when it came to his philosophy. He felt that people needed to examine their lives and make any changes necessary to make their lives more fulfilling. He shared these thoughts publicly, and would debate people on many topics. Oftentimes these debates would illuminate peoples actions in a negative light, and the people of Greece hated him for it. They also hated that two of his start pupils went on to start revolts trying to overthrow the government. He was taken to court on two charges and was found guilty. The charges were impiety against the state-sanctioned gods and corrupting the youth. Although no one knows for sure, which was the more serious charge, one of Socrates' three accusers was a politician whose son had had a relationship with Socrates. Little of what remains of what Socrates said at his trial had to do with the corruption of youth charge. Instead, the arguments that are recorded focus on the charge of impiety. Needless to say, Socrates is found guilty. Both he and his accusers are asked to propose a punishment for the jury to vote on. The accusers state that they would like the death penalty. Socrates counters by asking the jury for free meals in the Prytaneum, the public dining hall. The jury voted for death and Socrates, at the age of 70, got the hemlock. One author, Doug Linder, said that "The trial of Socrates was the most interesting suicide that the world has ever seen." To me, and I am no scholar now, it seems that Socrates treated his entire trial as a farce. In fact, he seems to be a martyr for free speech.An unexamined life, for Socrates, was a life with little or no principles. In other words Socrates decided for himself what truly was worth dying for. He viewed his life's mission as saving the souls of the Athenian by pointing them in the direction of an examined, ethical life. He then told the jury that "he would rather be put to death than give up his soul saving. By being so bold, the jury seems to have felt that the only way to stop Socrates from lecturing about the moral weaknesses of the Athenians was by killing him. So, to bring it back to today. Would you be a follower of Socrates if he was around today? It's really hard to tell. Socrates wasn't an angel either. Times were different then and so was the moral code. Going strictly on whether or not I think about my actions, and there impact on others before I do them, I would say yes, I do. Do I try not to lie, steal or hurt others? Yes, I believe in peace over power and that my actions should not do harm to others or their property. But to me, examining my life has to go much further than that. Am I happy? Am I taking the steps necessary to lead to my own happiness? Am I doing right by my children? Am I allowing my morals to falter due to the culture I am living in? Am I taking care of my body to the best of my abilities? All of these questions also have to be answered in my opinion. Also, where does my personal philosophy fail me? If I am unhappy more than I am happy, then likely I have a weakness in my philosophy. Here, I am not talking about the sadness I feel from time to time due to the death of my wife, I am talking about a deeper, longer lasting sense of sadness. Thankfully, I do not suffer from that one any longer. If you, or someone you know, does suffer from that type of feeling, then you need to examine the rules you personally live by and see what it is that you are doing that is conflicting with your moral (ie. personal philosophy). Usually, I find, it is not your personal philosophy that needs changing, but the actions you are taking. In the end, Socrates was certainly a brave old goat. Where would you draw the line between your personal beliefs and what you are asked to do? And I mean that both categorically and metaphorically. Answer those questions and you are well on your way to a happy examined life. I wanted to do another follow-up post to what my Dad already wrote earlier today. He talked about emotional anchors that hold writers down, and how he disagrees with it. I... I don't quite know. I don't think that it applies JUST to writers- I believe that everyone does have their different struggles, their different anchors... and they shouldn't be seen as something good. Anchors weigh you down and keep you in one place. Life is a gigantic ocean- sometimes calm, sometimes stormy. And if you're forever in the same place.. you can never move forward or progress across the ocean.
The same can be said about life. In this metaphor, our issues, stresses and personal struggles represent our anchor. The more we let these things build up, the larger the anchor gets and the less we are able to progress. I see it in life in people I know- they let their anchor weigh them down until they can't go AT ALL. Then, they often turn to drugs or alcohol when trouble comes around... because their anchor is so heavy that it is actually pulling them under the water. These people don't know what to do with their life anymore- they let stresses trouble them so much that they sink down lower and lower until they are over their heads. They don't know how to let go of the stress weighing them down, so they stay in that same struggle, trying to numb it over with multiple distractions until their fight is over and they drown (metaphorically). There are very few that manage to fix or let go of their troubles and learn to drift again. Another thing that my dad said, that I agree with... is that "going with the flow" is not always the best option. My dad said that it is better to have a set course- otherwise, you end up crashed on the rocks. I agree, to some degree. I think that for important things in life, you should have a set direction... but with littler things, it is sometimes better to let life carry you where it wants to go. Don't drown. Maddie I just read an article that said that every good writer has an emotional anchor...something deeply personal that happened to them that they can tie their work to. By having that anchor to ground them, they can then go crazy and really write about anything, because they will always have that deeply personal experience to pull them back to reality.
I disagree. While I am sure everyone has something deeply personal that has impacted their lives, I think the anchor just works to hold you back. It stops you from reaching your full potential through fear, or sadness or both. To really move forward in life, or to write something different you need to cut the chain to the anchor as best you can. You want no distractions as you ride the stormy seas of life and write about them. In my life, my wife's death is my anchor. It numbed me, and made it very hard to get anything accomplished. My daughters were the winds in my sail, however. My daughters needed me to be functional. I couldn't just sit down and allow life to pass me by. The girls needed a father who could provide a stable home and an atmosphere of hope. These things can't be accomplished while living in the past. Each day, I focused on doing the little things that needed to be done to make sure my daughters were taken care of properly. The more I focused on getting these little things accomplished, the more I returned to the land of the living. The anchor had been attached to my ankle and had been pulling me under. My daughters were the lifeboat that offered me the opportunity to live on and travel to another place. As I battled on to reach the lifeboat, I found that my struggle became less and less. The anchor was shrinking as I got closer to my goal. Today, my anchor is pocket sized. My life is once again moving forward. I enjoy helping my daughters to learn and to grow and new horizons surround me. In the end, no one's journey through life needs an anchor. It is very hard to move ahead when you have an anchor set. Instead, Instead, we need a compass. An underlying belief that will help us to make decisions about where we are going with our lives. No one's life should be without direction. My wife used to say she liked to "go with the flow". Life is a gigantic ocean, but sometimes setting yourself adrift with the currents will still crash you on the rocks. It did that with my wife's journey. No going with the flow for me! I've used my moral compass to set my goals and while my life ship will occasionally approach the rocks, I have so far been successful in eventually turning my ship away from the danger. An emotional anchor, or a moral compass...which would you rather have? For me, I'll take the compass any day. Yes, that is a quote by Diogenes. I am in a quirky mood tonight and I thought I'd touch upon a quote that speaks a lot of truth. You see, to quote an old tune by the Main Ingredient, "Everybody plays the fool, sometimes...there is no exception to the rule."
I don't care how smart you think you are, there is always someone out there who is smarter than you in one aspect or another. And there's nothing to be ashamed of in this situation. No one can be an expert at everything. The trick in life is to find the one thing in life that you enjoy AND excel at and then become an expert at that. For some people, this can lead to multiple things that they excel at...Think of Michael Jordan, he is a hall of fame basketball player who when he retired then went on to play professional baseball. Does it matter that he wasn't the greatest at playing baseball? Not in the least! He was still skilled enough to play the game at the professional level. We are all good at some things and bad at others. For me, my main nemesis is calculus and guitars. I can't do either really well, although I like to try to play guitar. Meanwhile, I excel at stock analysis, writing and explaining things. Given my job involves all three of those things, and I am also home schooling my daughter, I'd say I am chasing the right things. Sometimes the distance between being wise and being a fool can be found in the decisions that we make. Ever do something that seemed to make a lot of sense to you at the time, but then ended up being a really bad idea in hindsight. Sure you have. It has happened to all of us at one time or another. I chalk those decisions up to hubris. When you think you know more on a subject than you really do, and are too proud to ask for guidance. Although I try to limit my poor decisions that are due to hubris, I still find that they slip in sometimes. Sometimes the distance between being wise and being a fool can be found in the decisions that we make. Finally, I think one of the best ways to avoid playing the fool, is to develop the habit of asking good questions. What is a good question? You might ask? Good question! A good question is one where you expect the answer to tell you something that you otherwise don't know the answer to. No question is a bad question if you truly do not know the answer. In the future, don't play the fool. If you don't know the answer to something, and you suspect the person you are talking to does, then ask the question! That way, you learn something and have less of a chance of playing the fool. |
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