Okay, so on the surface the above quote doesn't seem to make sense. If there was positive, then it wouldn't be a negative event. Not so, something CAN be negative, yet still have some positive aspects. If the negative outweighs the positive, then it is a negative event. Even so, there is likely some positive from the event, and if there is, you should try to see it and profit from it.
A very personal negative event for me was my wife's death. No matter how hard I try, there was more negatives tied to that event than positives. While that is definitely true, if I think about it, there were some positive aspects too. Since it is personal, I don't want to get into this example too deeply. Suffice it to say that my daughters were removed from a situation where they were seeing the sufferings from addiction up close and personal. Midnight trips to the police department or hospital, while I tried to help Sharon, have become a thing of the distant past. That is the only example I will use here. Another negative turned positive that I will talk about involved the treachery of a friend when I was younger. On the surface, treachery of any type would seem to be a negative. The long-term repercussions of this one, though, were so positive that in hindsight, it would have been better if it had happened sooner than it did. So what's the story? When I was younger, I had a friend who was very manipulative and self-centered. It was hard to see though. You had to have known him for quite a while and seen it happen in a repetitive manner to notice it really. You see, this guy was always nice and friendly to people while he was with them, but as soon as someone annoyed him, he would work behind the scenes to make sure that person wouldn't hang out with the group as much. He would do it subtlety. To one person in the group, he would start to say negative things about the person, saying that that they had said something bad about the person behind their back. This was not always true. A lot of times the "negative" comment was usually only a part of the full thing that was said, with key pieces of information missing such as a qualification or a context. Next he would set up things to do and conveniently forget to invite the person he was mad at so that everyone who usually hung out together would be there except for the person he was mad at. He would then say he couldn't get in touch with him, or couldn't get an extra ticket or any number of excuses on why that person wasn't there. After a while, once people were enjoying themselves, he would say something like see how fun this is without so and so being here...trying to reinforce that things were better when that other person wasn't around. This went on for a while before I noticed it. Once I saw it though, I noticed that this behavior happened in cycles. For a month or two it would be one person who was getting the treatment. After a while, that person was let back in and another person was getting the shit treatment. All of it seemed to be designed to keep him at the center of the group and give him undue influence over who was in or out at any given moment. Once I figured it out, I started to distance myself from the guy, although that wasn't always possible since most of my friends hung out with him too. All of us had been friends since junior high school. We were all still partying together after college too. The event that changed everything happened soon after I got back from college. A bunch of us would usually get together to go out barhopping on the weekends. We lived at the Jersey shore and the bars were always packed on the weekends. We were in our mid to early twenties. During the week we all hung out together as well, and we often hung out with a group of girls that were slightly younger than us. It was good because while they were all above the age of 18, they were below 21 years old, and couldn't get into the bars. We liked that since we could hang with them during the week, but not have to worry about buying them expensive drinks at the bars on the weekend (all of us were working our first jobs and no one was making lots of money yet). Anyway, one of my friends started dating one of the younger girls, but was keeping it kind of casual. He'd still go out to the bars with us on the weekend, but he wasn't actively hitting on the chicks while we were out. My other friend was back to his old tricks and trying to stir trouble within the group. He let slip to this guy that I was interested in his girl friend, which wasn't really true. I liked one of her friends and was working on her. My friend knew this and told me on the side what the other had said. Well, that made me smile, because the guy stirring up all the trouble had told me earlier that he liked the girl the other was seeing and was calling her later. I kept quiet about the whole thing but just watched to see how this thing was going to play out. Later that night, I saw the sneaky guy get on the phone. Soon after he complained of a headache and said he needed to go home. Now back then, all of the bars had cover charges, so we had all paid to get in. It had been his turn to drive so the rest of us could get drunk without having to worry about DWIs, so we all had to leave when he was going so we could pick up our cars. I suspected what was going on, so I told my friend to hop in my car and that I would drive. Instead of going back to the bar though, I drove around the corner and parked the car so we could see my friend's street. Now just so you know, I am not naming names here for a reason. This all happened long ago, and I am sure the people involved can recognize themselves. I am not certain wives can, though, so I will keep all names out of it. When I stopped the car, my friend turned to me and said, "hey, what the fuck are you doing?" I said "dude, you know so and so has told you I am not really your friend and that I am after your girl." "I am going to show you that not only is that not true, but that he is really the one that you gotta watch out for." "I am cutting ties with him as of tonight. Sit here for twenty minutes or less and let's see what happens. If I am wrong, we'll go to the bar and I'll buy you a couple of rounds for your time. If I'm right, you'll see him for how he truly is." You see, this friend thought this other guy was always on his side, even though nothing could have been further from the truth. In fact, the other had been actively trying to get him out of the group behind his back for months. Well we waited five minutes and sure enough, the other guy's car went by the street and up to the other corner. My friend looked at me and said "okay, what's going on?" I said "If I am right, he is going to your girlfriend's. Well he looked at me in shock and couldn't believe me. I said "Watch." and pulled out to follow the other. When he got to the corner the other guy made a right hand turn and sped off. My friend gave a sigh of relief and said, "See he is going in the opposite direction." I said "The liquor store is in that direction. Let's just go and sit across from your girlfriend's apartment. We sat there for about five minutes before the other guy came walking up the street with a 12-pack in his hand. I will leave that story there. Needless to say, that was the last I spoke with that guy. As far as I know, that was the last that a number of people spoke with him. Many of us always felt that if you couldn't trust your girls around your friends, then they weren't really your friends. As far as I know, anyone who was there that night, never spoke with him again. So to tie it together, what positives came from this? Well, to start, the guy whose girlfriend cheated on him went on to meet another girl who then became his wife. Meanwhile, a negative force left my life and my friendships improved with all of the other people who used to hang out in that group. You see, this guy had multiple negative gossip going around about a number of people. Once that influence was no longer around, everyone got along better. Thus, negative situations CAN have positive outcomes. Just because you may not see them now, doesn't mean they are not there. Only time will tell!
0 Comments
I read, my first book today! It was " Biscuit's Day at the Farm "by Alyssa Satin Capucilli.
The story is about Biscuit, a puppy, who goes to visit a farm. He helps to feed the animals. They feed chickens, goats, sheep and pigs. A piglet likes Biscuit and follows him around the barn yard.They both run back to the pig pen when a flock of geese scare them. I am excited that I read my first book! Ashleigh Ohhhh boy. I'm ALWAYS talking about regrets; especially with my dad. I try to live without regrets, believe it or not. I believe that any choice I make in my life and anything that happens to me is meant to teach me a lesson. Regretting something that has already happened is rather stupid, in my opinion... there's nothing you can do to change it, there is no way to turn back time... so why dwell on it?
For those who do choose to dwell on regrets, however... I guess this is a good quote. All of us WILL inevitably have regrets. Hell, even I have regrets- just because I choose to not let them affect me doesn't mean I don't have them. If you do focus on your regrets, I guess you DO want to have the right ones. For instance, my Dad regrets drinking in his youth and not paying as much attention in school. HOWEVER! If my Dad hadn't been a drinker, while he may be slightly healthier now... he also probably wouldn't have met my mom and married her. Why? Because with a better education, he could have gotten a better job. And if he had gotten a better job... he wouldn't have met my mom. So you see.. while my Dad regrets drinking because he got to witness what it does to people, it is a good regret for him because without it... he wouldn't have met my mom, he wouldn't have me or my sister and his life would be 10,000% different. So.. the quote is right. Yes, we're going to have regrets. But let's make them the right regrets... because in the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take. Maddie Who might change your life? You never know. You never know, even when you think you know. Did you ever meet someone for the first time and make a bad impression? Or maybe think that you made a bad impression? Yep, me too. But you know, no one knows what the future brings, and even that person may be the one that changes your life.
To prove my point, here is another story about my wife and I. You see, even though my wife and I's first date happened after I grabbed her hand walking on the beach all those years ago, I had known her before that night... and after our first meeting you would have thought that I was a guy that she was never going to date! We met while I was an analyst at Merrill Lynch. Sharon was the girl who dropped off the faxes at everyone's office each morning. She had other duties too, but that is how I knew her (back then, faxes were common ways to get info from companies and I would get about 30 a day). While I would say hello when she dropped them off, we never really had a conversation. Then one day while I was walking to my boss' office, I saw her sitting in a cubicle out near his office. Given he was on the phone, and she was very pretty, I decided to stop by and chit chat with her a bit while I waited for him to get off the phone. The conversation started off okay, with me saying something like "Hi, so this is where you sit!" even though I knew that she didn't sit where she was regularly. She said: "No, not usually, but this is where she was assigned today." We started to talk a bit and I pointed out her accent and she said she was from England and that she had come over as a nanny, and that she was 22 years old. I said "Really, there aren't a lot of babies at Merrill Lynch" and she smiled and said she was no longer a nanny and that she was working as a temp and that her husband worked in another section. I was totally shocked that she was married. She looked so young and beautiful... and I really dug her accent. And so, I did what I normally did when I spoke to a pretty girl and was thrown a curve ball...I opened my mouth and stuck my foot in it! I said: " You're married already? Wow, you're so young! I guess that's a good way to stay in the country!" Well, that went off about as good as you'd expect. While she gave a smile, she got a weird look on her face and me realizing what I said, and also noting that she was married, made a hasty retreat! At that moment, I never would have guessed that Sharon would go on to be my wife and change my life forever. It just goes to show that you never know who is going to be a big part of your life. That is why you should make it a habit of being kind to everybody... Which brings up the second part of my story. You see, after that poor beginning I continued to say hello to Sharon. Never hitting on her... she was married you know... but just being friendly. I was always taught to treat people as you also wanted to be treated. So that is what I do now and did then. I like when someone I recognize says hello to me and tries to make me smile. So I, in turn, try to do the same with the people I meet. One day, a group of us (four analysts) were walking into Merrill Lynch after going to lunch. Right near the door was Sharon and her husband. Instead of pretending that I didn't know her, as the other guys seemed to be doing, I waved and said hello. Years later, Sharon told me that that was when she knew I was different and a good person. You see, as we walked up, Sharon had seen us and had pointed us out to her husband as coworkers. As we walked up, she said all of the others started looking away, pretending that they didn't see her. I on the other hand, waved and said hello, which forced the others to also acknowledge her and say hello. She said, the greeting I gave her made her feel less uncomfortable because she didn't want to be snubbed in front of her husband after she had told him we were all coworkers. She had never forgotten that. A small meaningless moment, that happened to mean a lot to her. Another act of kindness finally brought us together. While I was working at Merrill Lynch, a number of us used to go out after work on Fridays. Usually, many of the younger secretaries would also join us. In July of 1999, a number of the guys rented a beach house in Long Branch on the Jersey shore. I didn't join in on the house since I already lived about 10 minutes from there anyway. Even so, I hung out with them every day on the weekends anyway since it was in my usual stomping grounds anyway. One weekend, we were going to have a party at the house and most of the younger people in the office were going. Sharon hadn't been invited since she never came out with us. Still, most of the floor was going and I believed that she must have heard about it. While talking with her, I told her that she should come to the party and bring whoever she wanted. By that I meant bring your husband. I gave her the address and told her what time it was starting up. I really didn't expect her to show up, but I wanted her to feel part of the group and so I invited her. I still believed she was married, so there was no secondary motive there for me. Well, she showed up around 9:00 that night with an Indian guy and Leora, an 18 year old intern who also worked at Merrill Lynch. When the guy had gone to get them beers, I said to Sharon, "Oh I didn't know your husband was an Indian." and she said he wasn't her husband, her husband had died a few months before. I had never known. To make a long story short, we hung out together all evening at the party. We had a great time, went for a walk on the beach later that evening, and started dating. Treat others as you yourself would like to be treated? It works for me! No one knows who is destined to be a special person in their lives. Oftentimes, people are different than they first appear. Remember, never judge a book by its cover! You never know who might change your life. If you don't take those initial steps to get to know someone, you may be shutting yourself out of the life you were meant to live. As my wife used to say, "Everything happens for a reason!" That is so true! Rest in peace Babe. There are three "C"s in happiness. No, not when you spell it...I mean when you achieve it! The three "C"s are special. They are special because while everyone has an infinite number of the first "C", they walk around and complain that they have none. Meanwhile, there is usually a second "C" for almost anything realistic, yet most people walk around as if there is absolutely no "C" for almost anything that they really want. Finally, while everyone wants the third "C", most people only accept it when it is forced on them.
So what are the three "C"s? Choice, Chance, and Change. Let me explain, and show you how the three "C"s work together to get you almost anything you want or need. I will keep my example simple, although the idea works for more complicated situations as well. The really simple formula for getting what you want is that: You need to make a CHOICE to take a CHANCE or your life will never CHANGE. It's simple really and so true. Your choices could be stopping you from living the life that you desire. When you consciously choose not to take a chance, you are limiting your life to change that is random. The only constant in life is change. You can choose some of the changes that occur in your life, and hopefully help to make your life better. Or you can choose to have the changes in your life be random...in other words, by chance. I don't know about you, but I'd rather choose to take a chance on a good outcome. Think about it. When you choose, you are going to choose something that will ultimately benefit you. Therefore, the odds of something good happening are higher. If you choose not to choose, then randomness takes over. With randomness you have a 50/50 chance that whatever happens is going to be good. I don't know about you, but I like better odds than that. Here is an example of how choosing to take a chance worked out in my life. I wrote about this in the past, but I can't stress enough how my decision to choose to take a chance, made a major change in my life. Of course, I am talking about how I started dating my wife. That night, four of us set out to walk on the beach, two guys and two girls. None of us were paired up at the time, but I had a feeling the other girl with us liked me. This was a problem, because I liked Sharon. If I did nothing, there was a chance that the other girl might of grabbed my hand or the other guy Sharon's. Neither outcome would have been to my liking. Meanwhile, if I grabbed Sharon's hand, she would either accept that I had feelings for her and walked with me, or she would have pulled her hand away and I would have been no worse off than I would have been otherwise. That was the situation that was in front of my choice, but there was more to it than that. There is the head games that we all have at one time or another. That little voice in your head that says DON'T DO IT!!!!! Yeah, I had THAT big time. "Don't do it!" my head screamed. "She is so beautiful and you are only ordinary at best. You are ten years older than her...her husband died only a few months ago." All of these thoughts were surging through my head. And yet, we were having fun at the party. The other girl was even younger than Sharon and she seemed to like me. It was a beautiful night, and the other girl was under age and couldn't get into the bar we were at anyway. Although all of my insecurities were screaming not to do it, I decided to do it anyway. I decided to take the path less traveled, and like in Robert Frost's poem, it made all the difference! Make a choice, people. Right now, choose to take a calculated chance the next time it is presented to you. The change it makes may just put you on the road to happiness. Make a choice to take a chance, and see if the change it brings about will take you a step closer to happiness. It did for me once so long ago. And it will again in the future...when I choose to take a chance for a change. Both heaven and hell reside inside us. They exist in our memories and influence a lot of what we say do and think. Sometimes, they exist side by side within a single memory. Do you have any memories that bring you both pleasure and pain? I do. And I can tell you they are the worst level of hell.
For me, it was the hours leading up to my wife's death. Sharon was in a coma and was dying. After they removed the life support, I held her in my arms until she passed away. I held her for six hours. I didn't want her to die alone. I didn't want her to feel afraid or feel abandoned. I was afraid to get up to go to the bathroom, because I did not want her to die while I was away taking a leak. I tried not to move her too much or shift my position because I didn't want her to wake up and realize what was happening to her and be afraid. I also didn't want her to see the horror on my face that she was dying. I didn't want her to know that it was killing a part of me too. If you never experienced something like that, I can tell you it is pure hell. And it doesn't go away. It stays with you and comes back up in your memories constantly. It makes you feel down, it brings grief at almost any moment. It ties into other memories as well and makes them worse... I remember the moment that Sharon died. I knew before the machine went off to alert the nurse. I was holding her and I heard a popping noise and just past her left shoulder I saw a bright light, which seemed to shoot out towards the hallway just on the other side of the privacy curtain. The nurse yelled to me that she had just died (an alarm went off at the nurses station), and I told her I knew. I got up then, and moved away from the bed. I stood for a moment looking at Sharon, feeling pity, grief, and the aches and pains from muscles that hadn't moved a lot in the past six hours. Sharon's eyes were closed. Mine were open. The nurse called to me from the nurses station asking me if I was going to be okay. I turned my head towards the hallway and said yes. It only took a moment, but when I turned back, Sharon's eyes were open. It looked like she was looking right at me. That moment also stays with me. It wasn't scary. It was like she was taking one last look at me. Was that look accusing? Thankful? Sorrowful? I'll never know. My rational mind tells me that muscles relax in death and that it was just a natural thing...but my unconscious mind still tries to put a meaning to the event So there is the hell. Where's heaven's grasp on that memory? I take solace in the fact that my wife didn't die alone. I spoke with her and prayed for her during that time. Aside from what she died from, I can think of no better way to die than in the arms of a person who loves you. I hope, when it is my turn to die, that her spirit comes back and holds me while I slip into the great beyond. When these memories start to overwhelm me, I try to think of all of the good things that came from our relationship. I think of my daughters, or our walk along the beach on the night we started dating. I think of fall days along the canal in Jersey or antiquing in rustic towns in Pennsylvania. I think of holding hands and the trace of an English accent that I could always hear no matter how much she tried to hide it. Heaven conquers hell and I can go on with my day. In Dante's Inferno, he writes of nine circles of hell and tells who he meets there. I think he was wrong on that. I think there are multiple levels of hell and no one lives there. Instead, we carry these little pockets of hell along with us while we live. It seems easy to add new levels, but much harder to erase them. At the same time, we also carry little bits of heaven along with us as well. We get to see them through our family, friends, and pets...or even while we are out alone in the woods. We live in our minds, and we meld our own destinies. Could there be real heaven and hells? Certainly! But we are all going to have to wait until we pass to see what they are like. My Dad thought it would be fun to have a personal laugh track. He found one on the
apple store. Now when he tells a joke he hits a button and there is instant laughter. I like when he hits it when I say something. I want one! Ashleigh "I found a quote that is usually my motto. "If something is broke, fix it, don't just throw it away". Problem is, it can't always be fixed. If you shatter a vase, it can't be fixed. If a vase is just cracked, it can still be fixed, with some work. Each lie in a relationship is a crack. In your case with *****, with every joke he made at your expense, the vase would crack. And it cracked until it shattered. But even when it shattered, he kept it up. He picked up the pieces and then broke them too. Problem is, you can't break what's already been broken. And while you may have tried to fix it in the early stages, nothing could stop it if he set out to shatter the vase from the very beginning."
The above paragraph was sent to me by my best friend Alexis earlier today. It really hit me like a bus... how accurate the analogy was. She simplified almost all failing relationships in just one paragraph, and I liked it. A lot. Figuring that it may help other people, I have decided to share it here along with some of my own thoughts. I completely agree with it: you can't just have ONE person putting effort into a relationship. Relationships- ANY relationships- are not a one-way street. It's give and take, and that's that. Because if only one person gives effort, then the whole thing is sure to fall apart... or, as said in the text, "shatter the vase". If a relationship isn't being supported on both ends, it's better to end it. It'll save a lot of pain and hurt feelings on both sides. That's all I have for today. Maddie Is there any way to excuse the inexcusable? I don't think so. Sometimes things happen that are just not excusable. How do you know what those things are? It's when they still bother you nearly two years after they first happened.
Two years ago, the most horrific thing that ever happened in my life occurred. Friends both near and wide, came to console me. My Mom,sister and brother in law, all came to help out as best they could. Maddie's Godfather, a good friend of mine, drove seven hours from Buffalo to console us. And yet, not a single person from my own family (other than those mentioned) came to share my sorrow. That says a lot. Some were too ill to come... and I honestly understand that. Children with severe allergies, I understand that too. I have a dog and my part of New Hampshire is extremely rural. Neither makes for an ideal setting for children with severe allergies. Some of my extended family didn't find out what happened until after the fact. I understand that also. Sometimes the family grapevine doesn't work efficiently. These people spoke with me after the fact, and I totally understand. It has happened to me in the past as well. The ones that bother me, are the ones that knew, and were healthy, yet did nothing. I have run into these people since that day...and did not mention my feelings. Neither did they. I don't think I ever will. Personally, it isn't worth it. And still, as the anniversary of my wife's death rolls around again, I can't help but feel sadness. Sadness for losing her, sadness for my daughters, growing up without a Mom to share girl things with, and sadness for the hole in my heart where my sense of family used to reside. Excuse the inexcusable? I don't think so. At this point, two years later, I am still trying to just overlook it. I don't think of this stuff every day. In fact, I rarely think of it. But when the anniversary of Sharon's death rolls around, I think of her a lot, and inevitably, my thoughts drift back to the support I received during that time frame. I once read a quote that said "Friends are the new family." While I always thought that that statement was pure claptrap, I was horrified to find that there was likely more truth to that statement than I ever imagined! Excuse the inexcusable? Maybe next year. "If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you. When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me." I made those beautiful words by Led Zeppelin part of my wedding vow to Sharon. I meant them when I said them. And yet, before my wife passed away, I had divorced her. Did this mean I didn't love her? At first Sharon thought so (although this wasn't the case). Soon after we separated, and were in the process of getting a divorce she wrote a poem where she stated: "Promises, Promises, The vows, the lies you made, Before God you once stood, But now, the black and white fade" We got the divorce to protect the children. I still loved Sharon, but her behavior was starting to have an impact on Maddie and her blackouts and drinking to the point of unconsciousness was a very real danger for Ashleigh. But I digress, I wanted to write about my vow and how my actions did not break those sentiments. To start, love has no boundaries. You do not need to be right next to someone to love them. Whether a person's next to me, or across the country, I still have the ability to love them. Whether someone lives with me...or not, I can love them.
Although mountains have not crumbled to the sea, there is still she and me. I see her in my daughters every day as they go about their lives. I hear her when they speak to me. There is a little part of each of us in both of our daughters. Although Sharon has died, there will always be a part of her that lives on, through our children and theirs and so on until our bloodline ends. Will it be until mountains crumble to the sea? I hope so. The vow that bothers me... the one I may have inadvertently broke, is the whole in sickness and in health thing. I have thought about this a lot over the past couple of years. On the surface, it would seem that I broke this part of my vow... to stay with Sharon through sickness and in health. Like an iceberg, though, there is more to this vow than just what you see on the surface. By having children together, Sharon and I took on the responsibility to raise our children and keep them safe. When Sharon got too sick (addicted), and became a danger to our children, we still had our joint responsibility to keep our children safe. Since Sharon could no longer do that, the responsibility fell to me to do what was right for the both of us so that we could fulfill our responsibilities. I believe I have done that, and will continue to do that, as I promised my wife. Sometimes life leaves us no "good" choices. In those instances, we need to pick the choice that will do the most good, and not just the choice that is most convenient, or easy for us. "If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you. When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me." I meant it when I said it Babe, and it still holds true now. Rest in peace. Oh my goshhhh. I think this quote is something that everyone in the world needs to hear. No matter who you are or what your situation is, we've all had something happen in life that we need to move on from or get over and some of us have a hard time doing it. I understand the struggle of doing it completely- my mom died 2 years ago and I'm still depressed about it right now. The pain of something like that... it never leaves. Ever. A little piece of that is going to be with you for the rest of your life, just as the person is, and there is nothing you can do to escape that.
However, that doesn't mean you should let sadness dominate your life forever. Yes, while things are initially going on, you're going to be upset... but you need to move on. I've managed to move on from my mom's death (for the most part) and I'd like to share the advice I followed myself that helped me a lot. This advice can be applied to most situations. Only a few are directed towards people who are dealing solely with the pain of losing someone.
I hope this post helped you... or anyone you may know. Maddie Yesterday we went out on a trip. We picked up Maddie's friend and went to a space
museum, an Indian museum and an art museum. My favorite was the space museum. There were lots of things to play with there. Ashleigh Today, my best friend of 7 years graduated middle school... meaning next year, she's going to be in her first year of high school. Now, this isn't anything too new for me; I have many friends who are already in high school and I get along with them fine if not better than people my own age. However, this was different for me... I have known this girl since we were both little and we have essentially grown up together. It's crazy how fast time moves... it seems that just yesterday she and I were 7 and 8 year olds running around on the dojo mat after karate class.
We've been through a lot together... we've supported and celebrated with each other during our best moments, and cried on each others' shoulders during our darker periods. Through it all, we've had our arguments but they've only brought us closer together as friends. I am proud to call her my best friend and I am so happy for her. In another four years, it'll be high school graduation... and after that, hopefully college for both of us. This graduation was also a farewell to St. Patrick's school, which is closing tomorrow... my friends (Sarina, Nicky, and Alena) were the last graduating class from the school. So in a way... this post, while short, is a goodbye to the school and also a congratulations to them. I'm gonna end this here, because I don't have much else to say... just congrats and also thank you for staying my best friend and one of my closest companions for all this time <3 Maddie Last night, after writing my post I hopped onto Facebook and looked up an old friend. A mutual friend of ours had told me that he had a Facebook page and had recently friended him. So I looked him up, and sure enough, there he was. I sent him a friend request and then looked through his friends list to see if there was anyone else I knew there to friend. Sure enough, I saw another old friend who was married to another friend of mine on the list and I quickly sent her a friend request as well. (Note, I will not mention names here. I do not know how people would feel if their names show up on a blog, so I will try and keep them anonymous)
Today, both of them contacted me and we had a pleasant chat on the message board. Its amazing how quickly the years pass! One had moved to Florida with his wife since the last time I spoke with him and the other two had had two children since the last time I spoke with them The oldest is nearly twelve years old now, so that tells you how long its been since I have spoken to them. I remember going to their wedding with Sharon when we had first started dating! It's odd how the years can change things. At one point, I had hung out with these friends on a weekly, if not nearly daily basis. We had great times! Then life intervened, new jobs, new relationships, new places to live...It was no one's fault. We all just pursued our own lives and slowly drifted to new areas. Distance, Life. The time we spent today catching up was beautiful to me. The friendship is still there. All of the chatting was about what we were doing now and since the last time I saw them. Not about what we used to do or old "glory days" stories. I am so happy it was like that! True friendships survive in the present, not the past. I am looking forward to talking to my friends again in the future. Will I ever see them again? It's hard to say. Distance still separates us. Our lives have taken different paths, but our friendships remain. Three separate points: Florida, New Jersey, and New Hampshire. At my door, my friends are always welcome. If I am heading to New Jersey or Florida, I will contact them and let them know my schedule. Although the past remains a distant memory, the friendships endure and the future can always hold new memories. God bless, friends. I look forward to keeping up with you more often than once a decade now. Three points on a map, but one unbroken line of friendship. One thing we say in my house that we all know is true is that words have power. And they do! I thought of this quote this morning when an old memory came to me. It was a small inconsequential thing that someone once said to me. She said it to me after spending fifteen minutes telling me how she sometimes just knew things about people.
I am not going to mention who said it to me. We were in high school back then and she had been dating a friend of mine. She and I were just friends. What she told me then must have had an impact on me, because I thought of her this morning and what she said, even though thirty-two years have past since she said it to me, and twenty-five years have passed since I last saw her or spoke to her. Time flies when you're not looking! What my friend said to me way back then was that in the future she saw me doing very well...better than all of our mutual friends (although, she said she didn't see things about everyone so she couldn't be sure if it would be better than all). She said, though that at one point I would lose almost everything, but that in the end, I would battle back and be happy again. She said, that she wasn't telling me this to scare me, or come off as a nut, but just so that I would know... and that everything would be ok. At the time, I didn't think too much of it. In fact, I kind of just brushed it off and forgot about it. I mean, we were in high school still. I wasn't looking forward to anything except the next good time! I thought the conversation was a little strange, but a lot of people I knew were a little strange back then. I hung out with an eclectic mix of people, drinkers, pot smokers and the occasional acid head included. Although I never counted her among those groups, I'd heard stranger things from other people so I didn't think too much about it. Until today. I thought about it just after I got off the phone with the secretary from my lawyer's office. I called her to tell her I got papers from the court about Sharon's probate. Just after I hung up, the memory of that talk in the car thirty plus years ago popped into my mind...and I realized that her prophecy had been fairly accurate. I almost did lose it all! On multiple occasions I was near the end of my finances, but something would come along to keep me out of destitution. At one point my family unit had fractured. I lost my wife, my business, my retirement money... almost my home! But I never lost it all. My daughters were always with me throughout. My sister, my Mom, my Dad, all stood by me and did what they could to help. And I turned it around...just like she had prophesied so long ago. Although most of my wealth has now dissipated, my daughters are both doing great and I own the house I live in free and clear. I am working for a corporation now, but on my own terms (I work from home). I home school both of my daughters and they are learning the main lessons I am trying to teach them. While life isn't perfect, I get to enjoy watching my daughters grow each and every day. I never expect to see my friend from so long ago ever again. On occasion, I have tried to google her name and look her up on Facebook. No luck. If I ever do get to see her, I am going to remind her what she said to me so long ago...and I am going to thank her. Thank her for caring enough back then to give me a warning...and to finish it with a reassurance that everything was going to be ok. Well, my friend, everything is ok. I hope the years have treated you kindly. And that you have lived the life that you wanted to live. My sister inspired this post. Today, she will be blogging about Ashleigh and Daddy day... while the post likely won't be out until after my post, I know she is writing about that because she is setting it up behind me as I write this. Saturday, her and dad went out for a Ashleigh and Daddy day and on Friday, it was Dad and I's day. We went to see Insurgent, which by the way was very good... and we had a good time.
While the movie was nice, it's more the one-on-one time I get to spend with Dad. While I sit with him all day in the office, we don't talk too much as we are both working. These talks in the car go un-interrupted by other family members, distractions, and too much noise- since we're the only ones in the car, we can talk about literally anything together and it's nice. I know some friends who carry on about never being able to tell their parents anything... and it bothers me since I have such a strong relationship with Dad. I feel like I could talk to him about anything and be fine. It's upsetting that my friends aren't close to their parents. I think that part of the problem is not spending enough time with them... if you don't spend time with your parents, you don't get to know them and you don't gain their trust as easy OR bond with them. You HAVE to take the time to be close to your parents... I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have Dad to talk to, I really don't. It minimizes conflict between us, and if I want to do something I can feel comfortable asking to do it, not have to sneak like so many of my friends do. Yes, when it comes to online time I might go on my Facebook every now and again... but that's it. Anything else I can be completely honest about and it's fine. What I'm trying to say with this post, I guess, is that it's important to spend time with your family. They're the ones who will ALWAYS be there for you... no matter what. If you let your relationship with your family go... you won't be happy. Spend time with your parents, spend time with your siblings, and enjoy yourself. Taking a day once every few months to just talk to your parents is a good thing and helps a LOT... but by "taking a day" I mean complete, one-on-one, undivided attention. No other people. My Dad took me out one day, and the next day my sister... so one was tagging alongside the other. It works well for us, and it can work well for you too. Maddie |
Archives
September 2021
Categories
All
|